A Force To Be Reckoned With
by eastern.meridian
Summary: AU MerDer Strong-willed Meredith Grey from NY becomes the new Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace, snatching the post from under Dr.Derek Shepherd’s nose. Will she be able to work in the new not-so-friendly environment and find love in the process? COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1: Choices

Hi! This is my second ever MerDer fanfic and the second that I'm currently writing on this site. Not sure if it's the best idea to pull two at the same time but I simply couldn't resist the temptation.

Some important background facts:

It's the first time that Meredith comes to Seattle since she was five, so, she doesn't know the Seattle gang and vice versa.

She and Addison are best friends from college and medical school but Addie is a couple of years older.

Ellis Grey is well alive and… well, Ellis-like. She lives in Boston.

Bailey, Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex are all attendings now

Any more questions, ask me. Please, let me know what you think about the story. I'm really hooked on this plot but I'm probably biased. R&R, cheers!

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NEW YORK, LATE NIGHT

"That one," a tall redhead sitting with her back to the counter pointed at the man that had just entered the club.

"Him? Easy," commented derisively her golden-haired friend, a bit shorter, but dressed with equal style.

As the man was passing by them, she lazily crossed her leg over another, inadvertently but most consciously, making the hem of her short black dress travel a few inches up her thigh. The man stared hungrily at the sight of the newly exposed skin but after a second of hesitation chose to sit at the other side of the bar.

"You suck, Mer! You suck!" laughed the redhead. "Thanks to your inability to turn on a guy, we have to pay for the drinks with our own money."

"Shut up, Addie!" scolded Meredith. "There was clearly something wrong with him! Besides, we can afford it, we're hotshot doctors! Two tequilas, please!"

"Definitely hot!" agreed Addison but suddenly, turned serious. "So, it's decided? One hundred per cent sure?"

"Yes," nodded Mer. "I'd be crazy to turn it down."

"Yeah, but what I still don't get is your mother's attitude." Addison shook her head.

"I've never got my mother's attitudes. But true, true; that is kinda surprising. I thought… that once in my life, she would actually… be proud of me," her face betrayed disappointment. She waved her hand as though to disperse dark thoughts. "I don't know why I still care."

"I think she _is_ proud of you," consoled Addie. "I mean, she was civil, wasn't she? She didn't yell."

"Yes, she was very… polite," admitted Meredith bitterly. "She could show some enthusiasm at the fact that her only daughter was chosen Chief of Surgery at one of the finest teaching hospitals in the country. I think she might be simply… jealous."

"I… I don't think so," stated her friend. "She just might be concerned. You know… your father thing…"

Meredith sighed, "Whatever, I'm glad that you're coming with me. Couldn't do this without you."

"You could. Are you absolutely positive you're doing the right thing? It might not be a very popular decision."

Mer smiled. "Don't worry, I've made a discreet research. Your skills exceed the qualifications of their neonatal squad. I won't let you waste your talent at Sinai. It will be ages before Jenkinson steps down."

Addie grinned and grabbed her newly filled glass.

"To you, Dr. Meredith Grey, the new Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital."

"And to you, Dr. Addison Montgomery, the new Chief of Neonatal Surgery Department."

They drank the content of their glasses at a draught.

"Ladies, drinks for you, from that gentleman," the barman indicated their previous target.

Meredith gloated with triumph. "I never fail," she said defiantly.

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SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL, ONE WEEK LATER

The auditorium was filled with a dull constant noise that could be mistaken with humming of a swarm of angry bees. In fact, it was full of surgeons who awaited the official appointment of their new boss, some alien doctor from the east coast.

"We shouldn't be here," said a young surgeon in navy scrubs called Alex Karev. "We should ostentatiously leave in a sign of protest."

"I'd hate to agree with Karev," declared Cristina Yang, a woman with Asian features. "But I agree with Karev."

"We can't do that to the Chief," Isobel Stevens looked scandalized. "It's his last day at work!"

"We could do that," cut in Erica Hahn, the head of cardiothoracic. "I'm sure he didn't give us much thought while making the decision."

"It's the board that makes the decision," Izzie Stevens still tried to defend their outgoing boss.

"Don't be naïve, Stevens," drawled Mark Sloan, responsible for plastics department. "The board members trust Webber blindly."

"Shut up, the whole lot of you!" fired a slightly plump black woman, Dr. Miranda Bailey. "You're whining like a bunch of interns. Maybe except for Shepherd." She looked with concern at the dark-haired man sitting with his arms crossed, wearing an impassive expression on his face.

"He's still speechless from shock," chuckled Mark, his best friend. "The post slipped right through his fingers."

The said Derek Shepherd rolled his eyes but continued to be silent. He wasn't shocked nor depressed. He just reckoned that the conversation was purely pointless. What was done was done. Webber disregarded the candidatures from his own hospital, from his own surgeons, his own students, and chose a woman they didn't know anything about except that she was _one of the most brilliant surgeons in the country._

According to the Chief, apparently, Hahn, Sloan, Bailey and him couldn't compete with that. True, Mark was a professional but carefree man, not responsible enough to run the entire surgical unit. Bailey might have too little experience, she finished her residency relatively recently. Erica Hahn was his most dangerous rival but she joined their squad only months ago. And him, he was perfect for the job. Still, the Chief gave the job to someone whose competences as well as identity remained to be seen.

Bailey's voice rang again, "Listen, all of you. You will be at your best behavior today. No moaning, no complaining, not a single miserable look! We all owe a lot to Dr. Webber. And it's our turn to be supportive. As Izzie said, it's his last day at work. We may not be satisfied with his recent decisions," her face clearly showed that, "but we will respect them."

"And we'll look all professional when that superdoc from New York shows up and sees she has nothing to do here," she concluded with a devilish green, making the others smirk as well.

"Anyone heard anything new about her?" asked Alex.

"Apart from the regular gossip that she's an elderly ob/gyn? No, nothing new," replied Izzie and turned to ask the man that had just joined them, "Any news, George?"

If anyone could bring any novelties, it would be George O'Malley, the Chief's guy since his intern days.

"She's… she's here," stuttered George.

Everyone around turned to look at him, listening intently.

"You saw her?" inquired Cristina.

George nodded slowly he still hadn't recovered from the encounter with the new Chief.

"How is she? Old enough to expect a new competition soon?"

"She… She's…" George was searching for the appropriate word. He didn't want to face the wrath of his colleagues but Dr. Meredith Grey, a petite woman with a fierce spark in her eyes, utterly enchanted him.

"Spit it out, O'Malley," Mark was impatient.

"She's… different." And that was absolutely true. She was like no other woman George had ever seen in his life.

"That's very informative, Bambi," snorted Cristina.

"Shhhh, I'm telling you!" chastised Bailey one more time, her eyes fixed on a small group of people filing up to the auditorium's platform. "The board members…"

They saw their Chief taking place behind the rostrum.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he started, he didn't even have to quiet the large audience. His greeting was met with a grave but strained silence. "Ladies and gentlemen, colleagues, friends, surgeons, I appreciate you all coming here today, despite your busy schedules. I promise it won't take long.

"First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for your hard devoted work; it was a constant source of inspiration for me running this hospital and your input in making Seattle Grace Hospital one of the country's leading teaching hospitals. Only three months ago, we celebrated getting third place in the ranking. It's been a pleasure to work with you, and to teach you."

The auditorium broke in applause.

"Thank you, thank you," he raised a hand to stop them. "Now, let me move on to the much more important part of the program. Choosing my successor amidst so many talented and driven professionals was not an easy task. Yet I'm positive we chose wisely. Everyone, let me introduce you to Dr. Meredith Grey, the former Head of Neurosurgical Department at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York and the new Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace." He beckoned her with a nod of his head. "Dr. Grey, Meredith, if you please."

Every pair of eyes turned to look at the slender woman stepping out from the ranks of board members and approaching the Chief.

"Whoa," Mark Sloan took a short intake of breath, and he wasn't the only one to do that. "I think I can forgive her for stealing your job, Shep."

Derek scrutinized her form with equal interest. He wholeheartedly agreed with George O'Malley, she was different, but she was…

"How old is she?" Erica Hahn craned her neck to get a better view. "Has she finished high school, at least?"

"She doesn't even look like a surgeon," appraised Cristina. "She's like taken out of a freaking fashion magazine!"

The last part had some truth in it. Meredith Grey chose her attire this morning to make an entrance, to impress, she dressed to kill. She was wearing one of her finest sets of formal clothes – very high high-heels short creamy skirt and matching jacket under which she had a dark blue shirt adorned with a creamy tie. Her clothing clang to her body like a second skin pronouncing her seductive curves. She walked with a confident grace that every model on the catwalk would envy.

"The Chief of Surgery, my ass!" moaned Cristina Yang.


	2. Chap 2: Breaking and Unbreaking the Ice

A.N. Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome I received after the first chapter! R&R.

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Meredith's eyes roamed over the heads of her new staff as she replaced Dr. Webber behind the rostrum. Her levels of adrenaline were rising. She was facing her challenge and she felt wonderful, she loved challenges.

"Oh God," breathed Cristina. "Doctor Model! They must be kidding us!"

"Looks very competent to _me_," chuckled Mark, not taking his eyes off Meredith and her perfectly styled hair.

When she opened her lips to speak, the tone of her voice surprised them no less than her physique. It was firm, uncompromising and probably lethal to anyone who would dare to raise an objection.

Meredith's speech didn't take long, she limited herself to the absolute essentials.

"Thank you for the introduction, Dr. Webber. Ladies and gentlemen, surgeons of this hospital, it is with a great satisfaction that I take up the function of Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace. I am aware that this hospital enjoys a considerable repute. However, there is no doubt in my mind that we can find room for improvement. I'll acquaint you with my plan of development at the end of the week when _I_ have got myself acquainted with the local rhythm of work.

"So as not to prolong our meeting unnecessarily," she added, "I expect every head of department to hand a detailed report by the end of the day. Thank you for your attention."

Then there was time for the chairman of the board to say a few words and after a short while the meeting came to an end.

"Did you just hear that?" asked Cristina contemptuously. "She's already bossing us around."

If Derek wasn't in shock before, he certainly was now. He couldn't believe his eyes. He lost to a girl that couldn't possibly have any experience. What was Webber thinking? Was he thinking at all?"

He got to his feet along with everyone in the auditorium. _Report_, he snorted inwardly, _no way I'm going to report to her. _It was high time Webber explained himself. Derek's eyes sought the Chief's graying head. He hurried towards the door where Richard was engrossed in conversation with _Doctor_ Grey.

"Shep," he was greeted by Webber. "Meet your new Chief, Dr. Meredith Grey, an excellent neurosurgeon, just like you. Meredith, that's Derek Shepherd I've told you about, our head of neurosurgical department."

"It's nice to meet you," said Meredith, taking in the sight before her.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Dr. Grey," was his polite answer.

Meredith tried to keep her composure while the thoughts in her head were swirling at the top speed. He was hot; no, actually, he was sex on legs.

When their hands met in a firm shake, Meredith felt an electric charge running through her body. _Strong, decisive hands… I'm sure he can do wonders with them, not only while cutting a brain…_

"Meredith, could you excuse us for a second and wait for me in my-" Richard smiled nostalgically, "your office? I need to exchange a few words with Dr. Shepherd but I'll be right back with you."

Very reluctantly, Meredith nodded and departed. She would rather stay to admire the blue-eyed doctor…

You shouldn't think that way about your subordinates! Subordinates…

With a smile plastered on her face, she entered her new office and looked around. It was all hers now! She took off her jacket and put on the lab coat with her name and position that was waiting for her, folded on the desk. It was weird how it all fell into place when she wore it, a simple piece of work clothing. _M.D Meredith Grey Chief of Surgery…_

Her mind wandered to dark-haired Dr. Shepherd. She glanced innocently at the computer on her desk. She already knew the password to personal files of her staff…

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Richard Webber was worried with the look on Derek's face. He knew all too well his former student and employee. The neurosurgeon was civil and professional but that was just the problem. Derek had a warm personality and a sense of humour and with arrogance proper to neurosurgeons regarded doctors of his specialty as a different breed, but it was obvious he didn't feel and connection with Meredith Grey. And Richard suspected what was the cause of the problem.

When the two of them were alone he sighed, "Derek, what is going on?"

"What do you mean?" asked Derek coldly.

"You're not yourself. Tell me what is wrong."

Derek glared at Richard. He respected him, he didn't want to spoil his last day at Seattle Grace but he couldn't pretend any longer and block the words that were hanging in the air.

"Fine," he said harshly. "What is going on, Richard, is me wanting the answer from you; the answer why you chose _he_r over me."

"Derek, you're a talented surgeon, a professional-"

"Just cut it; you chose her. Why wasn't I competent for the job?"

"You were," replied complacently Richard.

"But she was more?" asked Derek disbelievingly. "A girl without experience, probably more interested in clothes than-"

"You don't see it yet-"

"Then explain it to me!" spat Derek.

Webber's voice turned authoritative, "I believe she can give this hospital more than any other candidate. Don't judge her before you get to know her. Do you think I would entrust my hospital to incapable hands?"

Derek fixed his stare at Webber's determined face. He knew the Chief loved the hospital like his own child. Still, his decision was incomprehensible.

"Just give her a chance. All of you, give her a chance."

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Meredith was standing on the staircase landing with her arms firmly gripping the balustrade. Overlooking the lobby, her spot was a perfect place for observation of her new staff. A lot of the doctors were still in the lobby, where they gathered to see off their retiring Chief.

Yes, Richard Webber left the hospital premises about five minutes ago, leaving Meredith the sole emperor of the empire.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Addison closing in, already in her brand new lab coat.

She greeted Meredith with a smile, "So, how does it feel like to be the person pulling all the strings? You're ok?"

"Never better," Mer was breathless. "I've never felt such a high, you know. Not even when we accidentally smoked weed instead of cigarettes on our first day on the campus."

Addison laughed at the memory, "Is that possible?"

She followed Meredith's gaze and exclaimed, "Captain, I see some very hot stuff at the horizon!"

"Dr. Montgomery," hissed Meredith. "Stop ogling my employees!"

"Like you were doing something else," snorted the redhead. "Seriously, Mer, who would have guessed that we were going to find such hot specimen in Seattle. Oh, the one with the mousy hair! Oh God, and the one beside him! And another, oh that one's cute, too; not our usual choice though."

Mer cleared her throat but she was grinning, "So, the first two examples of _fine specimen _are actually from New York – Dr. Derek Shepherd, head of neuro, and Dr. Mark Sloan, head of plastics. Three years ago, they sold their practices in the Big Apple and came here. I don't know who the third is but the cute one's George O'Malley, from general."

"So many hot men at your feet; I'm jealous," said Addie with a longing in her voice but a sudden thought popped in her head. "Wait a sec, how do you know all that?"

"I skimmed their files," Mer curved her lips innocently. "I've got to know my staff."

"Uh-huh," tutted Addie. "Spill, who you have the hots for?"

Mer attempted to give her a reproving look but failed miserably.

"Ok, I'll guess myself! Must be one of the two, you took the trouble to dig through the papers…" Addie frowned and considered the choice.

"Got it! Did you say Dr. Derek Shepherd, head of _neuro_? You have common passion!"

"I would so hit you right now if I wasn't a serious professional Chief!"

"Yeah, you have to be careful with the pushing and shoving," chortled Addie. "I might take you to court for that, manhandling your employees." They both laughed.

"But let's get back to the brain man-"

"Don't call him _brain man_!" huffed Meredith. "Sounds like _rain man_!"

"Oh, you're so after him," Addie gave her friend a knowing smile. "In that case, it's time for…"

"No!" objected Mer violently. "Absolutely not! We're not giving any nicknames, it might fall under harassment at the workplace thing."

"Cut it out, Mer."

"I said-" her lips twitched. "Fine," she gave in.

"Ok, let's think…" Addison tensed up in concentration. "Lots of dark hair… McHairy? Definitely not…"

Mer grimaced her face in disgust, "I think the jet lag is finally catching up with you."

"Shut up! I'm thinking of something original here! The nose is detracting me; his plastic friend could help him out…"

"There's nothing wrong with his nose!" Meredith defended ardently Derek Shepherd's breathing organ.

"First stage of infatuation; you don't notice any faults," diagnosed expertly Addie. "Be silent for a minute, I'm still thinking."

"Oh, I can see how much effort it costs you."

"Where was I? We rejected the hair… Wait, wait! He's just smiled! Mhhhm, he's charming. McCharmy… no… Mc Dreamy! That's it, McDreamy!"

"McDreamy," Mer tested the nickname.

"It's perfect," Addie summed up. "Now, it's your turn, take his friend. We could double-date."

"Addie!"

"Mer!"

The latter rolled her eyes. "Fine! He's tall, hot, with a stub… It's not that easy. Hold on! He's flirting with a nurse! McSteamy! By the way, Addie, it doesn't bode well…"

"We're gonna have so much fun here," said Addie.

"Yeah, maybe. I guess I haven't taken into consideration that little disadvantage of being a Chief. It would look really unprofessional if I started to flirt with my subordinates. I should have thought about it before," complained Meredith.

Addie gave a hearty laugh, "Since when have you been afraid of a little challenge?"

"Challenge is my second name," replied Meredith resolutely.

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"Just look at her face," spat Cristina Yang casting a discreet glance up at Meredith Grey. "She's gloating, looking down on us as if she owned us!"

"Which she practically does," reminded Sloan. "I don't have a problem with being owned by her. and she has a sexy friend." He pointed at Addie. "Ouch!"

Izzie hit him with a chart. "That sexy friend is probably the first one of many who'll come here and steal our jobs! Show some solidarity!"

"I won't let some Dr. Model babe rule me around," swore Cristina. "I mean, what right does she have to do that? I would accept Shepherd or Hahn, or Bailey but not her!"

"She's playing in your field, Shepherd," remarked Alex Karev. "You'll be able to tell if she's any good."

Derek nodded slowly. That was his last hope. He didn't want to admit it to himself but the situation proved to be a bad blow. He came to Seattle to eventually become the Chief. True, Webber only promised him that he would be in the first line but… He was so sure of the victory! And then a tiny arrogant woman came over and snatched it away from him. A woman several years his junior, with lesser experience and high-street manner. And she was a neurosurgeon, which bewildered him enormously but also kept his spirits up. He would look with an eagle eye for any slip-ups, any mistakes…

If only she wasn't so… well, there wasn't a better word to put it – hot. Derek found it irksome. He hated her guts but felt attracted to her at the same time. His eyes wandered to her form on their own accord; his and probably every other male's in the vicinity.

"I you ask me," Cristina started venomously, " that Chief was using a different body part for thinking than brain when he was making the decision."

"Don't say that," George O'Malley finally spoke up. "You're insulting the Chief, the Chiefs I mean; the old Chief and the new Chief. They just met personally for the first time this morning, I was there."

"You like her, dude?" snorted Alex. "You don't stand a chance."

George tried to remain cool and prevent the coulour from rising on his cheeks. "It's just that we are a team now. We're all on the same side. We've got to help each other."

"The problem is, O'Malley," said silently Derek. "That she's not part of the team."

"Yeah, she's a foreign body in the eye," backed him up Cristina. "I won't call her _Chief_."

"Me neither," piped Izzie. "You have to earn to be the Chief. It's not only the matter of appointment."

The others agreed in silence, except for George, in whose opinion Meredith Grey had already earned that right. She won the competition convincing Dr. Webber and the board alike. It was enough of an argument for him and should be enough for everybody else.

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The occasion to put into practice what Meredith promised to Addie came later that evening.

There was a short knock on the door to her office and Meredith didn't even open her mouth to call "come in" when Derek Shepherd himself strode into her office.

This very moment, Meredith Greywas positive she had never seen equally impressive man. His manly jaw covered with stubble, the dark curls on his scalp, the blue pools of his eyes and the broad shoulders… Meredith noted to herself that she would have a nice view of his backside when he would be walking out of her office.

What Derek shepherd wanted was just to hand in the required report as fast as possible and save himself the humiliation of the encounter.

"I've brought the report concerning my department." _Damn it!_ She looked so enticing and provocative even when she was buttoned up to her neck. And he called Mark a manwhore… Judging by what he wanted to do with her, he wasn't any better.

"Thank you," Meredith gave him a radiant smile.

He nodded and turned to leave.

"Dr. Shepherd," called Meredith after him, still smiling.

She realized how similar they were. As Addie put it, they shared "the common passion for neuro". They were equally ambitious, and successful. His files told Meredith he finished med school at the top of his class, just like her. She knew that he was the runner-up in the competition and she had professional respect for him.

When she sent in her candidature, she didn't even dream of actually getting the job. She wanted to try her chances and to make her name known on the opposite coast. However, she won, and at that moment, she was doubly proud that she won over such a man.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith. "I'd like to tell you that I appreciate the chance of working here, especially beating such a tough competition as you and your colleagues. I know you'd be sitting here behind this desk if it hadn't been for me."

Derek couldn't believe his ears. She was mocking him, shoving her triumph over him straight into his face.

"I wouldn't be sitting, I would be doing my job," replied coldly.

His comment worked like a bucket of cold water on Meredith. She was so wrong about him! What an obnoxious type, to ditch her like that when she was complimenting him! There was nothing good about him after all, except the package. Besides, he wasn't so good-looking after all. The Big Apple was full of hotter men. And Addie was absolutely right about the nose.

"I'm getting to it," Meredith icy voice could make the hell freeze. "I'm going to study your report right away. I'll contact you tomorrow with my suggestions on how to improve the running of the department."

Derek forced himself not to show any signs of his anger. How dared she?

"Can't wait." He headed to the door when he was halted once again by her voice.

"Dr. Shepherd," she said sweetly. "The next time you come to my office, wait until I let you in. I don't know what the practice was like before but now you and the rest of the staff will abide the manners while referring to your _superior_," she emphasized the last word. "You're free to go. Goodnight, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek turned her back to her and left without another word. Meredith knew she hit him to the core. There was nothing worse for an arrogant ass than punctured pride.

Meredith's eyes inadvertently travelled down his retreating form and she slapped herself on the forehead when she registered what she was looking at. _Perfect ass has perfect ass, just perfect…_


	3. Chap3:Against and Along with the Current

A.N. Hi! I've finally managed to type the third chapter in which Meredith experiences her very exhausting first day of work. Tell me what you think because I have to admit I struggled with this one. R&R, cheers!

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Meredith was hurrying to the hospital elevator as fast as her high heels allowed her to. Even after barely three hours of sleep she looked glamorous. She needed to look glamorous; it was the first real day of duty.

She stepped into the elevator before the door slid shut. It was already occupied by Mark Sloan (_McSteamy_), Cristina Yang (_a cardio attending, right?_) and Derek Shepherd (_the jackass_). Meredith lost a good part of the last night studying his report. Not that it was badly done, no. in fact, it was perfect. The man was really prepared to run the hospital; all the documentation for his department was impeccable. She had to strain herself to find something to reproach for.

"Good morning," said Meredith resolutely.

"Good morning, Dr. Grey," Mark gave her a full smile. The other two muttered unintelligible greetings clearly displeased with sharing the tiny space with her.

_Asshole,_ thought Mer haughtily. _I'll make him regret every word and every bad look. You'll suffer Shepherd, I promise!_ She was fully aware of her body's assets and of the influence they had on men. And Derek Shepherd was just a man, after all. She stood with her back towards the three doctors, her hair falling in cascades. Her hand rested on her hip slightly hitching her jacket. She shifted her body weight on one leg, pronouncing the roundness of her butt, covered by a short, closefitting skirt.

Meredith smiled triumphantly as she could always feel the hot gazes of the two males on her body. Cristina Yang groaned looking between Mark and Derek, both unashamedly checking up their boss.

Meredith turned abruptly to face them, her unbuttoned jacket revealing a deep cleavage. Derek managed to tear his eyes away but not without loosening the collar of his shirt.

"Dr. Sloan, you haven't handed in your report," she said with a tone demanding explanation.

"I was working all night to make it perfect for you, Dr. Grey," he replied flirtatiously.

"Then I expect it on my desk in an hour."

"Yes, Ma'am."

She was going to spend the day on paperwork; she barely scratched the surface the previous day. It wasn't the most exciting side of being the Chief, going through documents, forms, charts, bills… However, it was essential to be executed meticulously and orderly. Her hand itched to hold a scalpel but Meredith knew it wasn't meant for her today. The closest she'd get near the OR that day would be the gallery. She had to personally evaluate her subordinates.

Once she sat behind the desk in her huge leather chair, she let the arrogant smile she displayed for her employees fade form her face. Meredith Grey was confidence personified but she couldn't ignore the looks she was getting from the majority of the staff at the hospital. She read from them that her presence wasn't welcome.

Not that she cared about others' opinions; she just realized how difficult it would be to cooperate with people holding a grudge against her. However, that only strengthened her motivation. She had an objective; she was going to make Seattle Grace go higher in the rankings, no matter what. She had nine months until the publication of rankings. _I'm just like a pregnant woman_, she thought jokingly. _And my baby's pretty huge. But you'll turn out healthy, right, baby?_

A soft knocking pulled her out of her musings.

"Come in."

"Good morning, Dr. Grey," George O'Malley walked uncertainly into her office.

"Dr. O'Malley," she said coldly, "how can I help you?"

"Actually," his voice was hesitant. "I was wondering if you needed any help."

Meredith looked up at him with interest.

"I mean, I have been so-called Dr. Webber's guy for the last few years. He entrusted me some tasks, I ran some errands for him."

"There are other people for that job," remarked Meredith. "You're an attending."

"I know," said George. "But I didn't mind helping Dr. Webber. He did me a favour when I failed my intern exam," he muttered with a blush. "And it's your first day here. I thought, not that I don't believe you're competent; because I totally think you're competent. I just thought I could help you, Chief," he added.

Meredith's expression softened. It was the first time anyone directly called her "Chief"; it felt good. She studied George's face carefully. He was a sweet guy and seemed honest. He didn't show hostility towards her. It looked like he genuinely wanted to help her, not only gain advantage for himself.

"All right," agreed Mer. "Dr. O'Malley, you think you could remain the Chief's guy for a while?"

"Of course, Chief," assured George, his heart swelling with pride that _she_ valued his help.

Meredith smiled with satisfaction; it looked like she gained an ally.

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"We're all goners," announced dramatically Cristina as she, Mark and Derek reached the lobby.

"It's so good to be optimistic in the morning," joked Izzie, sitting behind the counter with a cup of coffee.

"Wear that smile till you can," grumbled Cristina.

"Wow, is it the complaining day or you've suddenly become the prophet of doom?" asked Izzie.

"We've just met _Dr. Grey_ in the elevator," explained Derek with a sigh, exasperated both with his boss's presence and the fact that she attracted him physically more and more.

"And mind you, you both enjoyed the _ride_! Seriously, men suck!" snapped Cristina.

"I beg you pardon!" protested Mark.

"You heard, Sloan. You see a piece of ass and forget about everything else."

"You're just jealous," smirked Mark.

Cristina snorted, "Jealous? Of what? Of having a brain the size of a peanut? Or of being ogled by horny perverts?" She turned to Izzie, "You'll see, we're goners; we're outnumbered 3 to 1 by the stupid men and their stupid penises."

Miranda Bailey had just arrived to comment sagely, "That may come as a disadvantage for her."

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Meredith stopped on her way to the OR and inspected the surgical board. She didn't like what she saw. There were numerous white, unfulfilled spaces. _Quiet board_… she thought with unease. She wouldn't call herself superstitious but every surgeon dreaded the quiet board. It just didn't bode well.

Meredith stepped into the crowded gallery. All conversations hung up immediately as though she cast a silencing charm.

"_Dr. Grey_," said a lazy voice male voice next to her. "There's a place for you."

She slowly looked at the person that addressed her in such a disrespectful manner. She saw a lowly intern caressing meaningfully a place next to him. What a cheek! The entire gallery was now glancing at her, including Dr. Shepherd in the opposite corner.

She looked down on the intern and put her hands on the hips, parting her lab coat.

"And you're?"

"Dr. Jacobs." His eyes travelled down her body.

At times like this, Meredith was actually grateful she inherited a certain talent from her mother – the ability to make people fill like shit with just one look. They would learn to respect her; and if it was necessary, they will learn the hard way.

"Stand up when you talk to me, _Mr. _Jacobs,_"_ Meredith's tone was pitiless. Jacobs rose from his seat, suddenly unnerved.

"You are not a _doctor_; you will not be a doctor until I decide so. And I really don't like your attitude, makes me question if you have what it takes to be a good doctor." She added callously, "Your work will be checked thoroughly. If you're at all religious, you would start praying; one tiniest thing I don't like and you land on probation."

Meredith cut the conversation satisfactorily, leavening the audience of the incident shocked, and turned her attention to the surgeons operating below, Dr. Hahn along with three residents.

"Dr. Hahn," asked hesitantly one of the residents. "Did you split the muscle this way or that way?"

"This way," replied crisply Erica.

"Why?" inquired the resident.

"Because I felt like it."

The curious resident clearly didn't know when to keep her mouth shut.

"Dr. Hahn, do you have to visualize-"

"Would you desist and let me work, Davis? Holding a retractor isn't a very demanding task, you can be easily replaced," snapped Erica.

Several minutes later Meredith left the OR thinking she saw enough. She intended to go back to her office when she bumped into Addison. Despite the fact that they were temporarily living together, she hadn't seen her friend since the previous afternoon.

"Mer," chirped Addie and squinted her eyes conspiratorially. "I didn't hear you coming back last night; I also didn't hear you go out this morning_ and_ I didn't hear your moans in between, so…" She fluttered her eyebrows suggestively.

Mer just looked back expressionless.

"Come on, spill. McDreamy took you home? You're sure fast! Is he good? I mean, he looks like he'd be good."

"Not McDreamy, Addie," countered Mer, becoming bad-tempered, "McJackass! And he didn't take me home. I came late last night, I had _work,_ you know. And this morning, I left early because, surprise surprise, I _had work_."

"You're in bad mood, Mer," frowned Addie. "What's happened? What did Shepherd do to deserve being called jackass?"

"He's obnoxious, arrogant and bitter."

"You've already tasted?" joked Addison, earning a scowl from her friend.

"So not going to happen! He can't get over losing with me," said Meredith. "Don't say anything Addie. You can have him, if you like but he's not really worth the effort."

"Whatever you say, Meredith," Addie rolled her eyes, seeing right through her best friend's faked indifference. "Don't worry, I prefer McSteamy anyway."

"He likes getting around, from what I hear," warned Mer.

"Jesus, Mer!" huffed Addison. "I'm not looking for a husband! I just want to have some fun."

"Whatever, I've got to go back to work. I suggest you do the same."

"Yes, Ma'am," saluted Addie with a grin, not put off by her friend's harshness.

"It's Chief! Not Ma'am."

Addie just laughed.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith's foul mood didn't improve the whole day; if anything it got even worse. The quiet board was taking its toll. George O'Malley faithfully kept her posted on the situation in the hospital, every now and then bringing news of another patient's death.

Dr. Hahn's heart transplant patient died on the operating table soon after she withdrawn from the gallery. This was also the case with two trauma patients rushed to the OR from a car accident as well as a young pregnant woman who crashed under the watch of Isobel Stevens, the neonatal attending.

Meredith was extremely satisfied with the work of Miranda Bailey, she struck her as a tough determined professional, just like herself. Unfortunately, her patient suffered from post-op infection. The one surgeon that got everything right was Derek Shepherd, which annoyed her infinitely.

Meredith stayed to watch his hands all through his surgery. He was a master; confident, precise and efficient. Neuro was her own area of expertise, after all; she could tell. The dislike she held for him couldn't cloud the judgment of his work. But she already proved better than him, didn't she? She would beat him again… _And I really like his OR…_, she thought vindictively, _oops, __**mine**__ OR… _In her mind's eye, she already saw his blind rage at the news that she occupied his territory…

**********************************************************************************

At the sight of Meredith Grey's penetrating stare, Derek Shepherd doubled his efforts. He was the best player in this field, with the lowest rate of mortality. _She could be my intern. Seriously, how old is she?_

Dr. Model was getting under his skin; she was everywhere, in the elevators, in the galleries, in the corridors… She presented an air of a queen roaming around her realm. He was sure she deliberately provoked him, wearing that look of challenge and superiority, reserved only for him. And against his will, it was turning him on… If she only wasn't so… eye-catching, breathtaking and staggeringly tempting, he could hate her in peace.

He had to admit with awe that she knew how to push her way. Derek almost laughed at the memory of her reprimand to the insolent intern. _Bossy and feisty…_

**********************************************************************************

"It's Dr. Montgomery, right?" Addie heard a confident masculine voice calling her name. _Yes!_ She turned to face him with an impassive expression.

"It is. And you're?" she shook the hand offered by Sloan.

"Mark Sloan, head of plastics and that's Derek Shepherd from neuro."

The three of them met in the corridor leading from the operating rooms. It seemed that with the end of day, the traffic was intensifying.

"Oh, I heard about you from Dr. Grey," she smiled at Derek, eager to see his reaction at the mention of Mer's name.

_Yeah, I can imagine what you heard._ Derek's blood boiled while his eyes darkened slightly, making Addison grin even more.

"Didn't she say anything about _me_?" Mark attempted to direct the redhead's attention back on himself.

The three of them chatted lightly all the way back from the ORs and even Derek had to admit that the redheaded "chick from New York", as the hospital was calling her, wasn't that bad.

He and Mark almost crashed into her when she stopped abruptly in front of them, looking suddenly preoccupied. Derek followed her gaze to see Meredith Grey standing with her arms crossed outside a patient's room, tensed and alert like a hawk. There was something wild in her look…

**********************************************************************************

Meredith's observations of the hospital's daily life were driving her up the wall. She couldn't believe it was the great Seattle Grace Hospital. Chatty interns strolling around, nurses gossiping and giggling madly; Mark Sloan coming out of the on-call room, followed by another doctor, the two of them looking disheveled… No one seemed to give a damn about the fact that Seattle Grace resembled more a morgue than a hospital that day.

Judging by the commotion in the room next to her, they would lose another patient in no time. She watched in trepidation a group of doctors and nurses trying unsuccessfully to resuscitate a teenage girl.

"Phenobarbital. Load her with Phenobarbital!"

"Pheno's in, no change."

"Heart stopped, code blue!"

One of the doctors grabbed the defibrillator pads, "Charge the pads to 200!" The girl's body twitched on the impact of the electric shock but her heart was still. "Still v-fib, nothing!"

"Charge to 300!"

"300. Anything?" The sound of electrocardiograph continued to be dull.

Meredith couldn't stand the situation unfolding before her. That girl's death would seal the failure of that day, _her_ failure. She couldn't let that happen. Without further hesitation, she kicked off her shoes, ran into the room and wrenched the pads from the doctor's hands. She didn't care surgeons and nurses were stopping by in the corridor to gawk at her.

"Charge to 360!" she shouted, but there was still no change in the patient's condition. _Come on, come on!_

"At this stage we're supposed to admin another drug!" interrupted the girl's doctor.

Meredith disregarded him completely and yelled, "Charge again!" A nurse reluctantly fulfilled her order.

The electrocardiograph started beeping.

"Anything?"

"I see sinus rhythm. Blood pressure's coming up."

"Pressure's returning. Rate's coming back!" _Good girl, thank you!_

"I want to see this patient still alive in the morning!" she marched out of the room and grabbed her abandoned high heels, ignoring the stares she was receiving from her staff.

"Heads of departments, conference room in five minutes," she ordered, walking off.

She almost lost control in front of everyone. That didn't happen to her, that didn't happen to Dr. Meredith Grey! She was a rolling stone, she bounced… but the weight of the day was crashing her shoulders, threatening to break her.

She walked ahead barefoot; desperately seeking a place she could be alone; somewhere no one could witness her break, _if_ she did. She spotted a door signed "Technical room. No access without authorization." and she got in without much thinking.

The place was covered in semidarkness, the lighting was scarce. It was perfectly quiet and deserted, just what Meredith needed. She made a few heavy steps on the metallic floor and squealed in surprise as her clothes and her hair were pulled forcefully upwards by a sudden gust of air. The feeling was incredible; she was as light as a feather. The current stopped as quickly and unexpectedly as it appeared, letting Meredith examine better her surroundings. She was standing on the vent!

She waited impatiently to relive the experience. She laughed, unabashed, as the force of the current took away all her worries and fears. She laughed at her own silliness. Was she afraid of breaking? Meredith Grey didn't break down. _**I**__ am the force, _she relished the moment_, and it's not going to change…_

**********************************************************************************

Meredith entered the conference room to find her staff already waiting, standing against the walls. She halted in the middle of the room and glanced around over their faces. Outside, the rest of her staff were sneaking around, curious to eavesdrop what she had to say.

"So, this is the famous Seattle Grace Hospital?" Meredith didn't yell but her voice was full of spite and derision. "The finest medical institution on the West Coast?" She gave a short ironic laugh.

"Now, let me tell you what I see in front of me. A bunch of surgeons running around like children in the playground. That's what I see!" she noticed her subordinates looking at each other surreptitiously, shaking their heads just a little.

"You think you're all so hard-ass professionals? Then I have to share my observations with you. Dr. Hahn, do you realize it's a teaching hospital? I haven't noticed any teaching on your part today. Maybe you were too busy telling your interns to shut up and making working with you a living hell?"

Dr. Hahn felt as if she was slapped across her face but Meredith went on.

"Dr. Shepherd, you're the one of the few that actually saved a patient today, I'm impressed. Don't rest on your laurels, though. You're comfortable and arrogant, you have a God complex and you never think about anyone but yourself."

Meredith's comment stung Derek; he remembered vaguely Richard giving him hints not to put neurosurgery above other specialties.

"Dr. Sloan, wipe that smirk off of your face," snapped Mer. "I'm sure there is a different _public_ institution that would fulfill your needs better than a hospital."

There were several stifled chuckles across the room as Mark Sloan froze with a stupid look on his face.

"Dr. Montgomery," said Meredith. Everyone raised their eyebrows. Would Dr. Model criticize her own friend, someone she appointed herself? "I'm well aware that you're new here and the need to socialize is overwhelming but maybe you could express a similar eagerness towards running your department? I expect a plan of development by the end of the week."

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith finally addressed Miranda. The head of general looked at her defiantly. Her work was flawless; that chick didn't have anything to complain about. "If I were you, I'd seriously reconsider mu future career. Work won't substitute for a family life in the long run."

Meredith's remark caught Miranda by surprise. That Dr. Model… Dr. Grey was… right. How could she know her family was falling apart? Miranda looked at the petite blonde with new eyes. She saw her colleagues' discontent with what they just heard about themselves. But there was no point denying; however young and imperious she might be, her observations were shrewd and definitely not baseless. _Dr. Grey_, thought Miranda, _I'm genuinely curious if you're going to succeed with us, a bunch of kids._

Meredith commented on other surgeons' work and spoke to all of them again.

"You work today doesn't deserve the third rank in the country. It deserves twelve! You've been slow and sloppy. I don't want to see that ever again. Consider yourselves on notice, and don't think I'll give you positive references after what I've seen today."

She strode the room and opened the door impetuously almost colliding with a group of interns huddled near the door. She surveyed her staff looking at her with wide eyes.

"Good that you've heard my little tirade," she announced. "Everything applies to you as well."


	4. Chapter 4: Appearances

A.N. Hi! Thanks a lot for the reviews! Keep them coming :) It took a little while to post this chapter but it's looong, the longest I've ever written I think. Cheers!

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Dringgggggggggggg

The pitiless sound of the telephone woke Derek up from his slumber.

"Did you have any intention of calling your poor mother any soon?" Derek heard his mother's scolding and worried voice in the receiver.

He dragged himself from the bed and went outside the trailer he inhabited, hoping the crisp morning air to disperse the remnants of sleep. He needed to be wakeful and cheerful for the conversation with his mother. He had suspicions she already knew he had been passed over for the promotion.

"Firstly, you're not poor," he replied jokingly. "Secondly, I'm sure you're very well-informed on what's going on with me. This is why you're calling, isn't it? Mark can never resist blabbing out to you."

"Mark's a good boy; at least, _h_e's called!"

"I'm sorry," said Derek silently. "I've been… busy, lately."

He heard his mother sigh, "Son, can you tell me what you're doing with your life? What do you intend to do with your life?"

"I… I don't know." He genuinely didn't have a clue.

"Derek, I've come to terms with your moving to Seattle. I absolutely hated watching my child uproot his life and settle at the opposite end of the continent. But I was supportive. It was important to you, for your career. You've worked hard for this man for four years and he…" she trailed off. "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to sound harsh. I do know how that position was important for you. My point is… what's keeping you in Seattle now?"

What_ was_ keeping him?

"I… have friends here," he said half-heartedly.

"You have family in New York," reminded Mrs. Shepherd.

"Mom, I need some time to think it all over… I haven't expected any of that. I need to think everything over before making any decision."

"Ok," she agreed. "Derek, whatever you decide, I'm here for you, your sisters as well."

"Thanks mom."

Since he learnt he wasn't going to be the Chief of Surgery, the thought of leaving Seattle had crossed Derek's mind on multiple occasions. He had lost a sense of direction in his life; work, as humiliating for him as it became, was not enough to hold on to. Should he go back to the Big Apple? Any hospital would welcome him with open arms. Starting a private practice wouldn't be a problem either. Only… did he want to go back?

Sure, he missed his family, his mother his sisters, swarms of nieces and nephews. But he really enjoyed life in Seattle. In spite of the fact that it was a big city, the time flew at a different pace. The closeness with nature was magnificent, his land was magnificent. Yeah, he definitely liked it here.

Everything had been going according to the plan… until _she_ came into the picture. Why couldn't _she_ stay in New York if she fit there that well? She was out of place here. Derek decided he had the right to wait for Meredith Grey to trip (which wouldn't be that difficult given the shoes she chose to wear) and fall…

**********************************************************************************

"The next time you call mom, you're going to tell her I'm bright and shiny," Derek instructed Mark, pouring himself a cup of coffee in the staff room.

"Impossible," Sloan shook his head. "She's thousands miles from here and she'll still be able to tell I'm lying. She's just worried, mate."

"I know; she wants me to go back to New York."

Mark nodded, he knew as much. "Do you?"

"Do I want to go back to New York? I don't know."

"I know everything!" They heard Cristina Yang's triumphant yell. She'd just entered the staff room, carrying a pile of papers.

"Come over here, people. I've got all the answers to our little puzzle."

"Hard night, Yang?" asked Alex Karev.

"My night? Was wonderful. I've made a research on our Dr. Model."

The surgeons present in the room gathered around Cristina.

"It wasn't that difficult," she stated. "All the answers were in the web. We should have linked the obvious facts much sooner, though."

"Just spit it out already, Yang," ordered Erica Hahn.

"She's Meredith _Grey_," said Cristina, not stalling any longer. "Does it ring any bells? She's the Ellis Grey's daughter!"

Cristina certainly achieved the dramatic effect she intended. The doctors around her started talking and whispering.

"That's not all, people," she raised her voice to attract their attention. "Some of you might know, others don't, that Ellis Grey did her residency here, at Seattle Grace, along with… Dr. Richard Webber. He's an old pal of hers!"

"She certainly had an easy life, sneaking through med school and residency under mommy's name." she waved the papers in her hand. "You know her age? She's 29, people, 29! She's a year younger than me; some of our residents are of this age!"

"I just knew something like this would come up," Derek muttered to Mark.

Miranda Bailey stood in the doorway, looking with a frown at her fellow surgeons. Meredith Grey had better have a good explanation for her skyrocketing career. Bailey was just as nonplussed with the news as everyone but forced herself not to judge Dr. Grey by appearances again. She could give her the benefit of the doubt.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith Grey's day was dull and uneventful. She didn't seem to be able to scramble out from the horrendous amount of administrative work. One of the reasons for that was that she was just beginning and she had to attest all the documents, from the smallest to the grandest files, with her name. Apart from that, she didn't delegate her work. Her secretary, hired at the times before Webber, didn't have much executive power.

Meredith was supposed to appoint a Deputy Chief but it was a difficult decision. It had to be a person whom she trusted. And the sad reality was that she didn't trust anyone in this building except Addison. Choosing Addison, however, was out of the question.

The Deputy Chief job would be too much for her to handle and it really had to be given to someone indigenous. Meredith was sure that otherwise, she would face a little riot. The natural choice for the position would be Dr. Derek Shepherd; it was probably _expected_ to be Dr. Derek Shepherd, the runner-up in the chief race.

Nonetheless, Meredith was hesitating. Appointing him would make the running of the hospital the way she desired a constant struggle for authority and obedience.

Meredith took a break from her mundane tasks and stretched her legs making a short trip to the vending machine. However, even inanimate object seemed to be against her at this hospital. The fraudulent machine swallowed her coins not willing to give out her can of Coke. She kicked it hard with her foot; she'd never risk doing it with her hand.

Little she knew that the machine turned out to be very popular that day. Derek had just scrubbed out of a very demanding surgery and dreamed of nothing else than to quench his thirst with a bottle of mineral water. He groaned when he spotted Meredith Grey leaning towards the vending machine. He briefly considered fleeing before she had a chance to see him. He could get his water elsewhere. But then a much stronger and angrier voice rang in his head. He wasn't some unworthy peasant scurrying in fear from Her Majesty's way. Besides, she had no reason to look down on him anymore, not when he knew she got the post through her mother's protection.

Derek cocked an eyebrow witnessing Meredith physically abuse the machine. How could such a petite woman possess such a force in her, both physical and psychical?

"Violence is never a good solution," he said coming near her.

Meredith kicked the machine one last time, the motion allowing Derek to see more of her leg, and a can of Coke finally fell out with a thud.

"Sometimes it is," replied Meredith brazenly turning to face him.

_Damn it! He's in scrubs… The man is hot, you can't take it from him, girl! Such a pity he's a complete dork._

_He wouldn't have to use his brain for what she wanted him to do…_

Derek looked at the can in her hand. "A regular Coke? I'm surprised. I'd think that such a fashionista as you would be obsessive about her diet."

He knew the like of her from New York. She was the type of a woman spending incredible amounts of time and money at the beautician's, at the hairdresser's or in exclusive boutiques.

"I'm a natural beauty," said Meredith defiantly. _Well, well, well, Dr. Shepherd you've taken a good look at me, haven't you? _"Seems like _you're_ a health nut," she pointed at the bottle of water he chose. "Good for you! At a certain age, things start to go downhill."

Derek narrowed his eyes at her. _I'm not old, for God's sake! I'm 35! And I can show you how fit I am any time, __**baby**__…_

"How do you find living in Seattle, Dr. Grey?" he asked casually, trying to bite her from another side. "Not missing your _family_ too much?"

Meredith watched him closely. She knew well enough the look on his face when he stressed the word "family". She got that look at every step of her career. At med school, during her residency, when she started to work at Sinai…

The whispering behind her back, the envious looks telling her she didn't have the right to be where she was just because of being royally inbred. Her mother's shadow was following her everywhere.

"Why, Seattle's just brilliant. Planning to stay here for a _long_ time," fired Meredith venomously, walking away but leaving behind her a very satisfied Derek.

_Ha!_ He touched the right nerve; he always knew where to cut.

**********************************************************************************

"Patricia, tell Dr. Montgomery to come to my office immediately," she ordered her secretary.

Five minutes later, Addison arrived at her office to find her pacing up and down.

"You wanted to see me, Mer?"

"Have you said something about my mother?"asked Meredith, not wasting time.

"Said what?" Addie frowned her forehead.

"They know, I'm sure they know!"

"That Ellis Grey is your mother?" Addie sat down in front of her desk. Her friend obviously needed moral support. Ellis had always been a touchy subject.

"Yeah," I'm sure they know," repeated Mer. "They hated me and now they loath me, and look down on me. And that stupid McJackass, throwing it in my face!"

Aha, so that was what drove Meredith up the wall… "Well," Addie carefully chose her words not to aggravate her friend's mood. "I haven't said anything. They were bound to put two and two together finally. You couldn't expect such information to lie quiet for long."

"I guess…"

"Don't worry," encouraged Addie. "You know it's just a temporary phase, it always is. You'll win their respect soon enough."

"Yes, Addison," Meredith's voice was bitter. "I always do. I've been earning respect since the day that I was born. Isn't respect one of the human rights? Every homo sapiens sapiens merits the respect just for belonging to the species. Why do I have to be any different?"

"Meredith Grey!" scolded Addie. "You're pitying yourself!"

Meredith straightened herself up, "I am not!"

"You so are!"

"I am not! I need a kick-ass surgery!" she exclaimed. "I need blood; I need to cut some brain open!"

**********************************************************************************

"It's the biggest facial tumor I've ever seen," said Mark in shock. "And that's saying something!"

"I know," Derek shook his head disbelievingly. "I don't understand why the parents of this girl haven't taken her to a specialist before. She was practically housebound and they watched it grow."

The two of them were standing by the nurses' station discussing the case they were working on together.

"Do you seriously think she has any chance of recovery? Is it really worth a try?"

"She's 17. I'll say it's worth a try." The girl's condition was undeniably serious. The tumor not only deformed her face and obstructed respiration, what was the worst and the most dangerous was that it contained the tissue expanding from the brain. Despite all that adversities, Derek wanted to give it a try. He always did, even in the worst scenario cases. He loved to fight for the patient's life, against all odds. "Anyway, we'll discuss it later. I have to be in the OR in 20 minutes."

Derek was putting away the chart of the tumor patient when he saw a group of interns and among them the one who was assigned to work with him, passing by chatting excitedly.

"Dr. Johnson, what are you doing here?" he asked, frowning at the intern. "You're supposed to be prepping my patient."

"Er… what patient?" asked the girl, lack of understanding painted on her face.

"Mr. Livingstone, 63, early stage of Parkinson, scheduled for DBS in… 16 minutes. Have ever heard of him?" said Derek sarcastically.

"Oh, him! But… the procedure has been rescheduled-"

"I haven't rescheduled anything. If you want me to overlook your incompetence and let you scrub in, I advise you to take care of Mr. Livingstone at once!"

_Shit,_ thought Johnson, _Shepherd doesn't know anything. Why does it always have to be me?_

"But… It's…" stammered out. "It's been rescheduled… The OR's busy."

Derek's eyes fixed at her as he finally understood what was going on. Someone bumped his surgery…

"On whose order?" asked Derek.

"The Chie- that is Dr. Mod- I mean Dr. Grey's."

She's operating, that should be interesting…

"I thought he was going to kill me," said weakly Johnson, watching his retreating back.

"Nah, he's going to kill Dr. Model!" disagreed her friend.

"Did you see that look on his face? He absolutely hates her."

One of the girls giggled, "Yeah, I would be pissed off to if someone stole my job… and my OR!"

"They'll make quite a pair when he's appointed as Deputy!"

**********************************************************************************

When Derek arrived at the gallery, it was a full house. Apparently, everyone was driven with curiosity with the new chief's first procedure. He looked down on the OR and he had to blink several times to make sure he was seeing properly. He had never seen Meredith Grey in scrubs and the difference was staggering. She wasn't the Dr. Model anymore. She looked like a surgeon, a tiny surgeon. The indigo scrubs accentuated the petite size of her frame.

Not that it lessened her attractiveness… Derek hadn't ever imagined that plain loose clothes could look so enticing on anyone… He momentarily forgot his anger as he thought with a thrill how easy it would be to take the clothes off her. Just to tug at the string of her scrub pants…

Derek raked his hair with exasperation._ Don't you think about her in that ways. Even if she doesn't look like a bitch right now, she certainly is one. And she would laugh herself silly did she know you found her good-looking._

He tried to concentrate on her work but it proved equally irritating. It didn't take to be a specialist, and Derek was one, to appreciate her skill. She might have been born with a scalpel in her tiny fist. How was it possible for a 28-year-old surgeon to posses such an impressive agility, self-confidence and experience? He didn't have all that at the age of 28; he also wasn't a chief at the age of 28…

How was it possible for a surgeon to work out such an experience and not lose the enthusiasm? Miranda was once again baffled by the woman who became her chief. To achieve the level she was presenting, she must have spent half of her young life in the OR. But her eyes still sparkled with exhilaration, all through her surgery; and when she answered the questions of her residents, her voice didn't carry the usual note of coldness and distance. Miranda had burnt herself out even before the end of her residency. Sure, she recovered from the crisis but the surgery was never the same again.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith scrubbed out of the procedure feeling elated. She had been deprived from the surgical dose of adrenaline far too long. She dried her hands, took her patient's chart and made towards the elevators. Somewhere before her a group of people were having an animated conversation. She stopped dead in her tracks at the mention of her name.

"Ok, I don't deny she's good with the scalpel," Meredith recognized the voice of the pinched-faced cardio attending, Cristina Yang. "But honestly, we all are. If that was the main criterion even George could be the Chief!"

"We know what's the criterion," said Izzie Stevens. "She's Ellis Grey's daughter."

_And they're on again with the mommy crap!_

"She knows how to play all right," said Derek heavily. "And yeah, the fact that her mother did her residency with Webber was probably decisive."

_Wait! What? Richard Webber and her mother were colleagues? How… What…_

Meredith experienced a sinking feeling in her stomach. Webber was enthusiastic, so encouraging… He wouldn't… would he?

Damn it! And these people! She was the nervous wreck again; this hospital and its employees were toxic. The vent room could certainly sooth her nerves but it was not an option; she would have to walk past them to get there.

"You're being unfair towards her," Meredith heard anger in George O'Malley's voice.

"Why do you keep defending her so ardently, George?" hissed Izzie.

"Why do you keep bashing her?" George stood his ground. "You keep coming up with some ridiculous accusations, and you know, they all turn completely untrue!"

"You're so naïve, Bambi," snorted Cristina.

Did she hear correctly? George O'Malley was standing up for her, risking his friendship with his own people.

_Screw it!_ Was she afraid of them? She knew her worth; the motives for Webber's decision irrelevant. And you Shepherd, you're gonna pay for that mommy line!

At that very second, she didn't hate anyone as ferociously as him. Quite accidently, he provided her with information about her mother and Webber and as such, shook her confidence.

She came around the corner with loud footsteps making her presence known. They started to clear their throats meaningfully. _Idiots!_

"Is this some scrub party or are you waiting for patients to operate on themselves?" she growled at them. "I'm not paying you for leaning against the walls to stop them falling!"

"We… we're…" started Izzie, "exchanging our impressions after the amazing surgery we've just witnessed."

"Really? It was a standard textbook procedure," dismissed her Meredith. "Sucking up won't get you anywhere."

"What do you think about our modest ORs, Dr. Grey?" Mark Sloan tried to chat her up.

"They're not so modest," replied Meredith with a mischievous smile that brought on Derek a dread of foreboding. "I like particularly the room I was working in today. Actually, I'll be using from now on."

"It's assigned to the neuro department," said Derek drily.

"I am aware," assured him Meredith.

"I'm the head of the department," argued Derek, raising to his full height and looking down on Meredith. In her flat trainers, she was almost a head shorter than him.

"Yes, I thought we might hit a little snag," sighed Meredith. "You're the head of neuro but I am still the leading neurosurgeon in this hospital," she explained with poisonous sweetness.

"Sorry, mate. Looks like chief trumps head," chuckled Mark to relieve the palpable tension. It wouldn't end well for Derek if he tried to put any obstacles in her way. Despite her short height, she towered over all of them on too many levels.

"Dr. Sloan understands the situation," Meredith looked innocently at Derek.

"And where am I supposed to work, in the cafeteria?"

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith shook her head, scandalized. "We're not in such a tragic situation. You'll just have to… learn to share with your colleagues. Besides, _my_ OR won't always be busy. As the Chief, I have a full schedule of other obligations. And that is why I am forced to leave your charming company."

_Who do you think I am, Dr. Grey?_ Derek fumed inside_. I am a world-class surgeon, head of the department for four years, not some pushover…_

"Shepherd, what did you do to piss her that much?" whispered Cristina.

**********************************************************************************

_The Emerald City Bar would be a good place to hang out if it wasn't packed with people __from the hospital_, thought distractedly Meredith. She was sitting at secluded table waiting impatiently for her guest. When she called Webber this afternoon, she was surprised he agreed immediately; he was retired, after all.

Maybe he was bored? Meredith couldn't imagine herself ever going on retirement. Surgery was her life.

Maybe he couldn't say no to the daughter of his old friend? Meredith wondered why her mother had never mentioned she knew Richard Webber; he was one of the finest doctors in America.

Meredith finally saw him entering the bar and coming over.

She stood up to shake his outstretched hand and said," Dr. Webber, thank you for agreeing to meet me at such short notice."

"You're welcome," he answered. "And it's Richard. I must admit I was a little surprised. I would think you prefer old cowboys like me stay away from your hospital.

A corpulent man came up to table to take their orders, "Chief, good to see you. The same as usual I suspect, and for…" he looked at Meredith.

"For the Chief," said Richard proudly.

"Oh, you're the kick-ass new Chief," the stout guy said with curiosity. "I'm Joe, the owner."

"Meredith, the kick-ass new Chief," she smiled at him.

"I've heard a lot about you."

"Nothing good, I presume, if I appear in drunken stories?"

The two men chuckled.

"What can I get you, Chief? The first drink for the new Chief's on the house."

"Tequila, please."

"Tequila? You live up to the stories."

Once the drinks were served and they remained alone, Meredith became serious and decided to lay cards on the table.

"Dr. Webber, why did you choose me for the job? Was it because you were colleagues with my mother? I learnt that you did your residency together."

Richard simply looked at her ad sighed. It clearly wasn't the question he'd expected.

"You hadn't known about that? Your mother hadn't told you?"

"No," Meredith shook her head and added bitterly, "Do you think that I would have agreed if I had known? In what light is that putting me?"

"All the best," answered Richard firmly. "My choosing you doesn't have anything to do with the fact that Ellis and I… knew each other."

Meredith continued to survey him disbelievingly and added silently, "I am sure you wanted the best for your hospital but… my surname might have clouded your judgment."

"Meredith, you hadn't known me until two days ago, but I had-"

"Of course you had," said Meredith heatedly. "I was born here when my mother was a resident!"

"I didn't mean _that_," Richard was losing his patience. Like mother like daughter, he thought. Meredith was as obstinate as Ellis. "Almost two years ago, I went for a conference in Los Angeles."

It stirred something in Meredith's memory. "International conference? St. John's Research Centre?"

"The very same," confirmed the older man. "We didn't meet personally but I attended your presentation; I heard about your research. You achieved so much at such young age. You had talent, energy, character… in short, incredible potential," Richard's voice was enthusiastic. "You have no idea how I wanted to have you on my team," he sighed. "But I knew I had nothing to offer you. You were already the Chief of Neurosurgery at Mount Sinai, at the age of 27! I knew I wouldn't tempt you to Seattle Grace with money. And then, I was retiring… and you sent your application. I didn't hesitate."

It was like huge burden was lifted from Meredith's shoulders. "I didn't know the hospital," she said silently.

"Which meant you wouldn't have scruples managing your new staff," pointed Richard and chuckled. "Although, I heard you're not biased with personal relationships."

Meredith frowned. He was clearly alluding to her round on her staff, including Addison. "How do you know about that?" she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Meredith, I spent years at Grace. You think I would leave and let it be?"

"Fine," acquiesced Meredith. "I can turn a blind eye at your spying but don't try to interfere!"

Richard laughed heartily, "You're just like me when I took the job."

"Richard," asked delicately Meredith. "Can I ask you a question? A personal one?"

"It depends on the question," he replied sincerely.

"Why did you retire? You're not old," said Meredith, wondering. "How could you put down the scalpel?"

"It seems unimaginable for you, doesn't it?" observed Richard. "Your life is centered on the OR. Mine was too… or I thought it was. I retired not to start to hate what I was doing all my life and what I loved."

It looked like there was more to be said but Webber decided against it. Meredith didn't know the rest of the story behind his relationship with Ellis and it should stay that way.

"Meredith, would you mind… if I called from time to time? To hear some news? What's going on at Grace?"

Meredith could recognize loneliness in his eyes; she smiled reassuringly, "Of course I wouldn't mind."

"So, tell me, how the first days in office go?"

Meredith grinned, "With the force and speed of a tempest."

"It's hectic at the beginning," Richard nodded in understanding. "Have you appointed your Deputy yet?"

"No," replied Meredith innocently. "I've been too selfish to share my power."

Webber laughed but shook his head, "You should delegate some of your work. Don't make me blame myself for killing your personal life.

"You and Derek Shepherd would make a good team," he suggested. "You have much in common."

_Apart from the specialty? I doubt it…_"I'll appoint the deputy until the end of the week," she promised and asked casually, "Dr. Web- Richard, what can you tell me about George O'Malley?"

"George? Has he got himself in trouble again?" chuckled Richard.

"He might have," answered Meredith, an impish smile forming on her face. Indeed, he might become the public enemy number two if she acted on her instincts.

"I hope it's nothing serious," Richard stated with mild concern. "He's a great doctor. Not particularly outstanding in the OR, but good and solid. He's amazing with patients. He might not look like it but he's very competent, also in administrative work."

Meredith smiled contentedly; that was the recommendation she was hoping to receive.

Some time later, Richard went home and Meredith decided to call it a night as well. She searched for Joe with her eyes and found him wiping glasses behind the counter. She walked up and stood behind the backs of two men groaning as she recognized Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan as the occupants of the barstools. Of all people on the planet, whom did she have to meet? The pretty and the prettier…

"Thanks for the drink, Joe."

"You're welcome, Chief."

The two surgeons turned at the sound of her voice.

"Dr. Grey," smiled Mark. "We seem to keep bumping at each other all the time."

"Yes, and you're always inseparable," Meredith looked between them smirking wickedly. "Are you a couple?" The song on the radio had just ended and her voice carried through the bar. She watched with satisfaction as Derek choked on his drink while Mark paled considerably.

"NO!" they exclaimed in protest.

Derek was seething with indignation_. She stole my job, threw me out of my OR and now she's questioning my manhood…_

"I was just wondering," she said, hearing giggles all around them. "Because, you know, I don't discriminate against people with different sexual orientation."

"Derek and I are friends, just friends. More like brothers," Mark hurried with explanations, desperate to nip the rumors in the bud.

"U-huh," Meredith nodded quickly. "See you at hospital gentlemen. Have _fun_ tonight."

Oh, how she adored the look on Shepherd's face… like he wanted to strangle her with bare hands or… prove her how manly he was…

She marched out of the bar with the feeling that she had the world at her feet.

**********************************************************************************A.N. So you already know who's going to be Mer's right hand, don't you?


	5. Chapter 5: A Whore And A Sociopath

"We should get another neurosurgeon on the team," said Derek carefully studying the scans of the tumor. He and Mark couldn't operate on their patient the whole week. Additionally to the inconveniently located tumor, it turned out that the 17-year-old Lisa had a heart defect which had to be taken care of before their procedure.

"Duck, quickly!" hissed Mark.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I have to nurture the shreds of reputation Dr. Model has left me with," muttered Mark watching two nurses pass by the door. "And being locked up with you in an exam room won't help."

Derek rolled his eyes; since the incident in the bar, Mark had been really touchy about it.

"Don't you roll your eyes on me. Your image might be irreparable; you haven't been seen with anyone for ages, whereas, I have everything to lose."

Derek snorted, "Oh, by that you mean the chances of getting into nurses' pants? I don't think your rumoured interest in blokes would put them off."

"Whatever," he shrugged his shoulders. "What were you saying about our patient?"

"I won't be able to do this alone. There's too much brain matter outside the cavity. We need another pair of hands."

Mark nodded and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the frantic beeping of their pagers.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith Grey was bored out of her wits. Her eyes swept dully around the ballroom. It was the first social event she took part in while in Seattle and it turned out pretty… uneventful.

She accepted the invitation because it was a good occasion to gain new sources of financing for the hospital. The party was hosted by the mayor, which guaranteed the presence of important personalities and businessmen from the region. What a shame that they were all crashing bores.

Meredith preferred the hardened and disdainful faces of her subordinates at Seattle Grace; they were a challenge. Here, on the other hand, everyone was singing praises to her. She knew she should play along. If she made an effort, the money would be flowing.

Meredith spotted Addison giggling flirtatiously surrounded by a flock of men. At least her friend was having a good time.

"Dr. Grey."

She heard a pleasant voice behind her and turned to face a handsome young man with a charming smile whom she recognized as a successful entrepreneur the mayor presented to her at the beginning of the party.

"Mr. Dandridge," she replied.

"How's your evening?"

"It's… interesting," the mildest lie she could think of.

"Which means it is not," grinned Dandridge.

Meredith scanned his form in wonder. She could take their banter onto the level of flirting and then maybe something more. However, Finn was a prefect prince charming… too charming. He seemed like a good boy and unfortunately, she craved for a bad-ass dark-haired neurosurgeon that infuriated her half the time she spent in the hospital.

Meredith kept telling herself that one night with him, duh, one _time_ with him, would surely get her over but quenching her desires was not an option. She preferred to be sexually frustrated rather than humiliated. He probably wouldn't be any good anyway. She would just have to wait patiently for the attraction to wear off or for someone else to capture her attention.

"No one has probably noticed," said Finn quietly with a hint of amusement in his eyes, "that you labeled the cream of the Seattle society as stiff bores."

"Just don't tell anyone. I might lose potential sponsors," she answered jokingly.

"I know your dirty secret and you didn't lose me," he replied mischievously.

Meredith looked at him with renewed interest. Maybe there was something in him after all?

"Would you be interested in making a donation for Seattle Grace?" she pressed.

She didn't get the answer as they heard a continuous beeping from her little purse.

"We're needed at hospital, there has been a huge pile-up," she frowned and sought Addie who had been called as well.

"It was a pleasure to meet you," said hastily Meredith thrusting her glass of champagne into Finn's hand.

The rest of the night passed in a whirlwind. They arrived at the hospital to find the ER flooded with trauma. It was the first time Meredith could witness her staff working in a crisis situation and she was quite content. They work efficiently; no patient was left on their own unattended. Nonetheless, her vigilant eye found the room for improvement…

Derek raised his eyes from the injury he was tending to just when Meredith appeared in the ER and what he saw made is breath hitch. The truth to be told, he had experienced a lot of trouble with breathing lately. And right now, she was… stunning. She was clad in a black strapless dress reaching barely to her knees and her hair was tied tightly in a bun leaving her swanlike neck exposed to his hungry gaze.

"Cliquey bash at the town hall," muttered to him Cristina. "Dr. Model couldn't miss it. Nice of her to show up her half-naked, though; I saved on anesthetics for my patient."

Meredith barely had time to change into scrubs before rushing to the OR. It was four hours later when she finished her last procedure. In the corridor leading out of the ORs, she met George O'Malley. She still hadn't mentioned a word to him about her plans and it was not the best moment to do so. They were exhausted after the chaos ensuing after the accident. On the other hand, did he accept her offer, he would have to cope with working under stress…

"Dr. O'Malley, I'd like a word with you."

"Chief… do you need anything?" he asked anxiously. He was visibly worn out but still eager to help.

"I've chosen my Deputy and I'd like to know your opinion."

"My opinion?" he asked with excitement at the news that she valued his views. "I… I think Dr. Shepherd will make an excelle-"

Meredith grinned inwardly. Oh, what a stirrup her decision was going to cause… "I'm not talking about Dr. Shepherd."

George blinked in surprise, "You're not? Then… Dr. Hahn?"

Meredith shook her head.

"Dr. Bailey?"

"I was talking about you, Dr. O'Malley," she said with a tone indicating obviousness of her step.

George went temporarily speechless and then gave out a small laugh. "It's a good joke, Chief."

"It's not a joke," countered Meredith. "I've read your files, observed your work and even consulted Dr. Webber."

"You're serious," George stated disbelievingly.

"Just as positive I am about the rightness of my choice. The question remains – are you wiling to rise to the challenge?"

"It won't be a popular decision," George said reasonably. "Because I'm… George O'Malley… 007…"

"I've been thinking about the pros and cons for the past week and let me tell you that the pros outweigh the cons. That is, for me, they do. For you, not necessarily," she said truthfully.

"I am aware I'm not popular in this hospital." She stopped George's attempts at protesting. "And trust me; I'm enjoying the bitchy image. But if you accept my offer and go against the will of majority, including your friends, you'll become unpopular as well. I'll understand if you decide to stick with them. Although, I think it's time you thought about yourself… You have the time to think until tomorrow afternoon." She checked her watch to see it was past midnight. "Or actually, until today afternoon. If you decline, I'll present the second name on my list as the Chief Deputy at the meeting with attendings."

"Which would be a shame," she added.

"Chief," called George as she was walking away. "I don't need time, I'll be… I'll be your Deputy. It's an honour, Dr. Grey."

"See," Meredith grinned wildly. "I knew you wouldn't let me down, Dr. O'Malley."

**********************************************************************************

The next morning, Derek was waiting impatiently for Mark to discuss the final arrangements concerning the fate of their patient. He was in a bad mood. He spent the night in the on-call room as it wasn't worth to go back to the trailer for the few hours of sleep left after the end of trauma influx.

Derek barely closed an eye; the image of Meredith Grey and her provocative dress popping up in his head. He chided himself for behaving like a horny fifteen-year-old but he couldn't help it.

Finally, Mark came in along with… the object of his daydream and his nightmare. This time she was wearing scrubs. Her constant transformations were driving him insane.

"Derek, sorry for being late. I've just filled in Dr. Grey on the details of Lisa's case."

"You what?" the question slipped from his tongue.

"We're going to work together on this case," smiled sweetly Meredith standing next to him to look at the scans and slightly brushing his arm. She couldn't resist. To her surprise, he didn't withdraw his hand. Was he enjoying it?

Mark's pager sounded across the room, "Damn it, I have to go again. Anyway, you don't really need me to discuss you part."

"Mhhm," Meredith purred looking at the scans after Mark's departure. The sensual sound raised Derek's blood pressure.

"How do you want to proceed, Dr .Shepherd?" she asked coyly. "Start at the top and make your way slowly downwards or just plunge your scalpel in the lower regions?"

Derek's mind went momentarily blank. Was she _flirting_ with him? Just to be safe, he would give her an equally obscure answer. "Whatever you would be more comfortable with, Dr. Grey."

"I'm very flexible, Dr. Shepherd," she replied with a promise in her voice but added soberly, "What's your call?"

The rest of the meeting passed in a strictly professional tone and even Derek had to admit that Dr. Model was cooperative and… flexible, in the surgical sense, of course. Although, his overactive imagination wandered elsewhere…

"When can we schedule the procedure, Dr. Grey?" Derek asked as they were heading to the nurses' station. "This afternoon works for you?"

"Perfectly," answered Meredith. "I don't- What is _that_?" she exclaimed as they reached their destination. The nurses' station was flooded with flowers. Dozens of bouquets occupied the space on the counter and on the floor making passersby giggle madly.

"Why has the nurses' station changed into the florist's?" asked Meredith one of the nurses huddled around the mass of flowers.

"We don't know, Dr. Grey. The flowers started arriving an hour ago. There's a note," the nurse handed Meredith a little piece of paper, "but we don't know for whom."

Meredith read the inscription and a little smile crept up her face. _Thank you for saving the evening, one of the Seattle's bores._

"I wanted to thank you for saving the evening for me," a masculine voice addressed her. "I hope I didn't go over the top."

"Mr. Dandridge," Meredith turned to the man she met the previous day and couldn't help grinning. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Eat lunch with me? We could talk about..." his eyes swept over their surroundings taking in numerous pairs of prying eyes and one angry looking doctor, "about my donation."

"You're volunteering to eat hospital food?" asked Meredith jokingly.

"I love crappy food."

"Hey! The food in my hospital isn't crappy!" huffed Meredith. "Nurse, take the flowers to my office."

Derek watched with growing irritation the scene unfolding in front of him. Who was that guy for whom Dr. Model was making sweet eyes? Judging by his expensive outfit, he was loaded… and stupid. Did he think his poor attempts at flirting would work on a woman like Meredith Grey? Had he been with them in the exam room, he would have seen the real sparks flying.

Was she… laughing? Derek looked at her incredulously. Apparently, she didn't have any taste; she just took what was at hand. He watched with disgust as the two of them departed in the direction of the cafeteria.

"Who's that hottie?" whispered excitedly one of the nurses.

"Finn Dandridge, I've seen his picture in the newspaper," answered another dramatically. "He's unbelievably rich! His father owns Whisker Foods Company."

_Cat food maker, please…_thought Derek smirking. _Although, it seems like they have something in common – influential parents to whom the own their careers._

"They would make a cute couple," said the nurse again.

"I don't think so," disagreed another. "He's too… soft for her. He wouldn't handle Dr. Model; she's got quite the temperament."

Ha! Even the nurses could see the Finn guy was such a wimp. Of course, _he_ wouldn't handle her!

Since he didn't have anything pressing to do, Derek decided to go to the cafeteria and check how the things between Dr. Model and Mr. Cat-food-maker were developing… no, he chastised himself, to have his lunch.

He sat beside Mark who immediately picked up his bad mood. "What has got into you?"

"Not what but who," said Derek but quickly regretted his words. If Mark learnt that Dr. Model was the main subject of his musings, he wouldn't get a life. "Why did you have to ask her to team up with us behind my back? I was going to ask someone from my department."

"Man, we need the best for that case and she's the best. That is, just after you, my friend," Mark added hastily.

"You're very forgiving," hissed Derek sarcastically. "Should I remind you who unveiled our secret romance to the world?"

Mark screwed up his face, "That's just gross. I've had nothing against her. She's got balls; she's got sense of humor. I like that," he shrugged his shoulders.

Derek fixed his eyes on Meredith who chose the moment to laugh at something her interlocutor said. She threw her head back exposing her delicious neck which just begged to be kissed… Her full lips were wet from the water she was drinking. Suddenly, she turned her head, raising her eyebrows questioningly. Great… she caught him in the act…

**********************************************************************************

"So, you're not only a successful businessman but also a successful veterinarian," said Meredith with interest.

Finn sighed, "Not very successful. I can't spend as much time in the clinic as I would like to."

"Why not?"

"Being a successful businessman is a considerable obstacle," he explained heavily.

"You don't sound very enthusiastic," she probed carefully.

"My father does," replied Finn.

"Oh, it explains everything," Meredith nodded with understanding.

"Does it?"

"Huh-uh, pushy parents. I know something about it. My mother told me once that I didn't have it in me to be a good surgeon."

"Given the fact that you made it to the chief of surgery, you didn't give it much thought."

"I… did, actually," Meredith confessed truthfully. Talking with Finn was so easy.

"You're a really good listener, one of the most sensitive people I've met lately," he complimented her.

Meredith burst out laughing, "I swear you're the only person in this hospital, possibly on this planet, to think something like that."

"I'm just in the league of my own," joked Finn but quickly frowned his forehead seeing once again the furious expression of the dark-haired doctor from the lobby.

"Meredith," he cleared his throat. "Maybe it's not my business… but who's the guy who keeps staring at us? He could be arrested just for the murderous look."

Meredith grinned, "Lots of dark hair? Crooked nose?"

"Is he… your boyfriend or something?" Finn let out the question uncertainly.

"Boyfriend?" snorted Meredith. "Just my subordinate, he has authority issues."

She looked at Derek with her eyebrows raised. Busted, Dr. Shepherd!

**********************************************************************************

_What an annoying dick_, thought Meredith a few hours later when she and Derek were washing their hands after the procedure. Mark Sloan was still in the OR, finishing the job. Their work was nowhere near as pleasurable as that morning. There was no flirting or stealing secret glances. McJackass was more stand-offish and arrogant than ever. It took an amazing amount of self-control not to cut his throat with a blade. She would get her revenge, though, this evening, when he'd learn he wasn't suitable for the job of Deputy either.

"What has ruffled your feathers, Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith asked lightly as they got in the elevator. "Our patient made it through. Lighten up; it will relieve your blood pressure."

"My blood pressure's absolutely fine. Thank you for your concern, Dr. Grey."

"You're welcome, Dr. Shepherd. I'm just attempting at a civilized polite conversation."

"Oh, so, just to back your attempts, you've made quite a sensation with the flowers. The guy must be really smitten."

"You mean Mr. Dandridge?" asked Meredith. _Jealous much, Dr. Shepherd?_

"Yes, your sponsor," muttered Derek ambiguously.

_Bi__te me, McJackass!_ "Not my sponsor, hospital's sponsor," she corrected him drily. Her playful and flirty manner was slowly being replaced with anger.

"Pardon me," said Derek. "I just think your methods of gaining new funds are astonishing."

"My methods?" she inquired curiously.

"Yes, personal charm and body language."

"My methods are just fine. If you were trying to use them, Seattle Grace would undeniably go bankrupt," she said through gritted teeth.

"You surely like to link the pleasurable and the useful, Dr. Grey. I'm positive you'll acquire a lot of sponsors… for the hospital, of course."

Meredith screamed inside and saw only red. No one, and certainly not the pig-headed McJackass, would say she was getting around."

She irritably slammed her hand against the stop button and faced Derek, her hands on her hips. Derek mimicked her gestures ready to fight the attack he was anticipating.

"No one gets to call me a whore!" she bellowed. "You don't get to call me a whore! You don't know a damn thing about me! And… you don't get to call me a whore… hypocrite!"

"Hypocrite?" repeated Derek disbelievingly. "You're calling me a hypocrite?"

"Yeah, and you know why?" asked Meredith spitefully. Her voice sank into a whisper and a smirk was playing on her lips. She purposefully stepped towards him. "You're the biggest hypocrite on earth. You get hassled by the mere fact that I'm having lunch with some man but…" she bit her lip, standing only inches from him. She could notice his pupils dilating and his breath becoming labored. She whispered, "but you wouldn't mind me being your whore..."

Meredith waited for his reaction, for his angry outburst, his hateful words to crush down on her but instead… it was his lips.

"You're right, I wouldn't," he growled. Faster than she could blink, he pushed her against the wall with his strong body. She felt one of his hands lifting her chin to meet his forceful mouth and the other clutching her scrub top at the small of her back.

Derek let himself be carried by what he could only later describe as a temporary insanity. All reasonable thought in his brain was replaced with the all consuming lust for the woman in his arms. She felt incredible against his body, under his hands and his lips. Her tongue mated with his through her lips parted in surprise. Her hands raked his hair, intoxicating him even more.

In a heated daze, Meredith allowed herself enjoy the kiss which was incomparable to anything she had ever experienced. The signal to stop their steamy encounter was the growing hardness she felt against her hip. She wasn't going to get screwed in a hospital elevator by a man who treated her like dirt. She broke all contact with him sending him back with a violent shove. She quickly pushed the button to release the elevator.

"It's such a pity," she breathed out licking her swollen lips, "that I'm not a whore. A bitch, yes but not a whore."

"I'd like to remind you that I'm holding a meeting with attendings in 30 minutes. I hope it's enough time for you to come…" she looked significantly at the bulge between his legs, "back down to earth." She sniggered wickedly and left him alone. Derek frantically made the door of the lift shut to hide himself from public view. He couldn't parade down the surgical floor with a massive hard on.

**********************************************************************************

An hour later, Derek was sitting in the conference room supposedly listening to Dr. Grey's vision of running the hospital. He tried hard to pay attention to what she had to say and judge it objectively but it proved a difficult task as his brain was on the overdrive.

He wasn't silently cursing his new boss or criticizing her plans. All that he could think of was that he was deeply ashamed of himself. How exactly he became a man he was now, he had no idea. He had always regarded himself as a nice guy, funny, friendly, reliable and talented. True, his friends and family liked to joke about his ego but he had never crossed the line… until now. Until he moved to Seattle to become Chief and his pride and self-confidence swelled out of proportion.

The old Derek wouldn't see a setback in his career as the end of the world. He had had priorities in his life, he hadn't been a workaholic and most importantly, he had always treated others with respect, regardless of who they were.

Derek felt repulsed with his recent comportment. He dragged his employer through the mud; he was disrespectful towards a woman who didn't deserve such insults to be flung at her. Derek was well aware he hurt her. She was though, she masked her emotions but it was all in her eyes.

To make the matters worse, he lunged at her like some pervy sociopath. Even Mark was more delicate and sensitive. He was surprised Dr. Grey didn't slap him, fire him or just have him arrested for sexual harassment. She definitely should have only she wasn't a person who complained, she was a fighter.

He had it bad for her, really bad, because even having admitted to himself the wrongfulness of his actions, he didn't regret the kiss. To be honest, he craved to do it again. Derek's eyes were studying zealously every inch of her from head to toes. She was out of her scrubs and wearing one of her short skirts.

Derek sighed and focused on Meredith's words, "…an ample part of donation is going to be spent on research. Everyone who didn't fit into this year's limits has the chance to do so until the end of this month, which brings me to the last of my announcements for today. Your research project should be handed in directly to me or to my Deputy, Dr. O'Malley."

Derek frowned, did he just hear correctly? It looked like Dr. Grey called George O'Malley his Deputy but apparently he didn't mishear as an angry tsunami rolled over the conference room. It was a… curious choice, thought Derek as he looked at the young surgeon currently eager to blend into the wall against which he was standing throughout the meeting.

Derek knew Dr. Grey would never pick him. She would be mad to do it having witnessed him being an asshole the whole week. Besides he didn't want to be Deputy, he didn't want to play second fiddle. But George O'Malley, honestly…

Derek glanced around at his colleagues. The expressions on their faces didn't bode well for Dr. Grey.

"Who's the new Deputy?" asked Cristina Yang hoping she didn't get right the last portion of information.

"Dr. George O'Malley" replied Meredith smiling.

Derek almost chuckled. This tiny spitfire liked to rush straight into head-on collisions.

"Can I ask about your motives?" asked Erica Hahn. "I think we're entitled to know the reasons for choosing Dr. O'Malley over dozens of more qualified candidates."

"Of course," answered Meredith. "I've got nothing to hide. I simply believe Dr. O'Malley is the most competent person to fill the vacancy and he's been fulfilling some of the Deputy's obligations for years."

"But… Dr. O'Malley?" asked Miranda skeptically. "There are other great surgeons-"

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith cut her across. "Do you know how I see greatness, excelling at practicing medicine or any other occupation for that matter?" She rose from her chair to look around them. "For me, it doesn't mean _being_ good, it means constant _becoming_ good. True, Seattle Grace can boast a lot of great surgeons… who stopped at their greatness and … that's it. You can still prove me wrong. I'm waiting for your research projects... Now, if you don't any more questions…" she paused, "I'm calling it a night. Thank you for your attention."

Derek jumped from his chair in the blink of an eye, it was his chance.

"Dr. Grey," he caught up with her before she could reach the door. "Could you spare me a minute? I need to talk."

"Dr. Shepherd," she gave him a look which reflected everything that happened between the two of them. "What do you want to talk about? You didn't pose any question during the meeting."

"It's…" he lowered his voice so that only she could hear him. They were standing near the doorway in the eyeshot and the earshot of entire staff who probably assumed he was going to fight his case against George O'Malley. "It's personal."

"Ah," grinned Meredith. "Well, Dr. Shepherd. I'm afraid I don't have time for personal." Her tone turned equally quiet. "I don't do personal as I'm neither a psychiatrist nor a whore."

"I remember," said Derek quickly. "Please, just one minute."

"If it's that important, you can come to see me during my office hours, tomorrow. Goodnight, Dr. Shepherd," she dismissed him.

Oh God, wasn't she bossy… She treated him like shit and he wasn't even angry. But he deserved what he got, didn't he?

**********************************************************************************

A.N. Hi, thanks a lot for reading and commenting! I appreciate all of your feedback. I know Meredith's young age raised your concerns. I admit I exaggerated it a bit but I still want her strikingly young for the position of the Chief of Surgery.

I really hope you don't get your guns out and shoot me down for not making Derek Deputy. I promise there will be a lot of MerDer action anyway.

As always, I'm waiting for your reviews and suggestions. Cheers!


	6. Chapter 6: Apology And Doubts

A.N. Hello, everyone! I finally have an update for you! I'm falling on my knees and begging you for forgiveness that I kept you hanging for over a month. I'm never going to abandon this story, I've just concentrated on moving forward my first story "At The Edge Of The Ocean". Thanks a lot for keeping interest in this one, reading it, commenting and giving me words of encouragement. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter! Tell me what you think, please.

**********************************************************************************"Hmmm." Addie frowned her forehead poring over the ad section in the newspaper.

"You know, Addie, it's not like I'm throwing you out on the street," said Meredith from above her mug of coffee. "You can stay at my house as long as you like.

"I know," sighed her friend folding the paper with annoyance. "I might just take my cue from you on that. I'm paying less, don't have to trouble myself with the decorating and I have the whole house for myself given the fact that you're practically living in the hospital."

Meredith grinned, "But?"

"But I'm the freaking head of neonatal department at the best hospital on the west coast. I want to have a classy fancy place of my own!"

"Have finally felt the power, haven't you?" snickered Meredith.

Addison crossed her arms behind her head resting comfortably in the chair.

"Andy you can't bring McSteamy to my house. _That_ is really problematic, isn't it?" joked Mer.

Addie shrugged her shoulders, "I'm taking it slow anyway."

"Slow?" Meredith wiggled her eyebrows.

"Slower than that! He has to get rid of the nurses before he lays a finger on me."

"You said you weren't looking for a husband," reminded Meredith slyly.

"I'm still not. I just don't like to share. He needs to make some effort. The lame pick-up lines he uses on nurses won't work on _me_!"

There was a light knocking on the door and Meredith saw Derek shepherd enter her office.

"Good morning, Dr. Grey, Dr. Montgomery."

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd," replied Meredith politely. "To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you so early this morning?"

"You told me to come look for you in your office. If I'm not interrupting…?" he threw a look at Addison.

"Hmmm, I remember clearly telling you to come during my office hours," she pointed at the clock on the wall. "It's five minutes to eight. You're going to walk out of the door and wait patiently until the clock strikes eight a.m., Dr. Shepherd. And to answer your question, you _are_ interrupting."

Derek's lips went into a thin line but he obediently followed his boss's instructions.

"Whoa!" breathed out Addison. "You're feeling the power all right!"

"He's a dick," shrugged Meredith. _A big one_, she added with amusement in her thoughts.

"Oh, what did you do?" asked Addison suspiciously.

"Who told you I did anything?" said Meredith innocently.

"The silly grin on your face. Is McDreamy… pursuing you?"

"Pursuing?" snorted Meredith. "Come on, are we the heroines of some Victorian novel? McJackass probably came to bitch about George's nomination."

"You really went over the board with this one," remarked Addie.

"I'm not going to explain myself to you too, Addie," Meredith said firmly.

"Fine," capitulated the redhead. "But do you think it's wise? To antagonize them once more?"

"You see, this why I am the Chief."

**********************************************************************************

"Look who's here!" jeered Izzie as George walked into the staff room.

"What are you doing here, Bambi?" asked Cristina. "Shouldn't you be crouching beside your mistress's leg like a good like little dog waiting for orders?"

George lowered his head and said nothing in reply. He had prepared himself for the angry reaction of his friends. They could be supportive, helpful and reliable but they could become just as callous. Izzie always was his best friend and her outburst hit him hard. George only hoped their irritation would quickly fade away and the best way to make it happen was to get out of their sight. He hastily pulled a pile of papers from his cubby and made towards the door.

"Did you choked on your tongue, O'Malley?" asked Cristina.

Finally, something snapped inside of him. He deserved his promotion, he had worked hard for it. If it was to be appreciated by a complete stranger and not his longtime friends, so be it. He wouldn't let anyone sweep the floors with him anymore.

He cleared his throat and recited loudly so that everyone in the room could hear him, "I'd like to inform everyone that the new set of safety rules applicable on the hospital premises is available on the Seattle Grace's website as well as on the announcement boards. I request every staff member to familiarize themselves with them asap. And… it's Dr. O'Malley or Chief Deputy."

He cleared his throat again and departed leaving a room of stunned people behind him.

"Did you hear that?" asked Alex.

"Deputy Chief, my ass," grumbled Cristina. "Shepherd's gonna maul him"

"I don't know. Derek doesn't want that job," Izzie shook her head. The question of George's new position didn't bother her as much as his siding with the enemy.

"Then what do you think he's doing outside her office?" asked Alex knowingly.

**********************************************************************************

Derek felt his blood boil in frustration at being unceremoniously sent out of her office. Nevertheless, he did what he was told and fell heavily against the wall crossing his arms over his chest. He needed to control his emotions if he wanted to communicate with her.

"Derek," Mark's voice carried across the deserted corridor. "What are you doing here, man?"

"Waiting," he replied sincerely.

"Waiting?" repeated Mark anxiously. "I think you're looking for trouble. Seriously, you need to get over it. Webber didn't pick you, she didn't pick you. So what? Life goes on. Lashing out on her is the last thing you need."

"I know," answered Derek calmly.

"You really should- You know?"

"Yeah."

"Then… _what_ are you doing here?" Mark eyed his best friend suspiciously.

"I've already told you, I'm waiting," he sighed. "Look, I've been an ass lately but you don't have to worry about me."

"Oh, ok, so… I'll just go…" Mark stammered embarrassedly and made to leave.

"Mark," Derek called after him. "Am I… a comfortable and arrogant idiot with a God complex?"

Mark gave a short laugh but he was visibly relieved, "Not anymore."

Derek checked his watch and observed the tiny arm strike full hour before tapping on the door.

"Come in," he heard her amused voice.

"Good morning again," he greeted the two women.

"Dr. Shepherd," said Meredith feigning surprise.

Derek rolled his eyes, _like she doesn't know I was waiting._

"Your office hours have just begun, I believe."

"That's right, I'm all yours, Dr. Shepherd," her eyes twinkled at him mischievously making his throat run dry.

"Oh, I'll… leave you two alone… to your business," Addison excused herself hastily, looking at her friend quizzically. Meredith Grey didn't ever flirt with men she pronounced dicks…

"Have a seat, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith gestured towards one of the chairs before her desk.

"Thank you," he replied courteously and sat down. It was going to be one hell of a conversation…

"So, how can I help you, Dr. Shepherd?" asked Meredith ordering documents on her desk. _Bring it on, Shepherd, all your woes and grudges, bring them on…_

"I… I came to apologize," came his surprising answer.

Meredith stopped handling the documents and looked shrewdly at the man in front of her.

"That's… unexpected," commented Meredith. She would never imagine him uttering those words. She searched his face for a tiniest trace of hidden motivation yet… Derek Shepherd wasn't joking, wasn't flirting or sneering, he seemed.. serious.

"Why is it unexpected? I acted inappropriately towards you and apologies are in order," sighed Derek.

"How was your behavior inappropriate, Dr. Shepherd?" she leaned back comfortably in her chair, bringing one hand to her chin. "Are you apologizing for calling me a whore?"

"I didn't call you that," Derek shook his head.

"You implied it," Meredith was relentless. She was having fun watching his discomfort. It must have been a torture for a man of his caliber and his pride to show such an amount of humility.

"I…" he sighed again, "can't really deny that, can I? I'm… sorry."

"Is there something else you're sorry for?" She locked her eyes with his, eager to watch him squirm trying to tackle the heated kiss they shared in the elevator.

Derek considered his options, seeing right through her game and answered truthfully, "No."

"No?" asked Meredith in a high-pitched voice.

"Are you?" he challenged her.

She rose to her feet and stepped around to sit on her desk, bringing her crossed legs inches from his hand resting on the side of his chair. "No," she answered softly.

Derek smiled in reply and Meredith considered dropping his McJackass nickname on behalf of McDreamy. "So… are you willing to…"

"To?" she cocked her head.

"To accept my apology." It only took him to flick his wrist so his fingertips grazed her nylon clad calf. Some small rational voice in his brain kept telling him that he shouldn't wade further into… whatever he and Meredith Grey were these days. There were thousand reasons not to, she was a couple of years younger, she was her boss and she was trouble, he could tell that much. Yet, he couldn't resist. When he shed the blinkers of anger from his eyes, he saw there was much more to her than alluring physicality and sharp tongue. She was a mystery he yearned to unravel, a waking call that made him realize his career-centered life was missing something.

"Hmmm," she hummed pensively, her body getting tense from the small contact with his.

"I think…" she said just as her mental capacities began to shrink. "That you need to put _more _effort in your apology, show that you're really _into_ it. I need to see your good intentions, Dr. Shepherd."

"I can put more effort," he assured her quietly, laying his outstretched palm on her leg, caressing it in circular motions higher and higher up to her knee. "Only… my intentions may not be so good…"

The atmosphere in the room was still and full of tension, like the air before a storm. Meredith didn't look anywhere else than his eyes that went dark, perfectly matching his navy-blue scrubs. Derek grew bolder at the obvious fact that she didn't stop his hand moving past the crook of her knee onto her thigh. He heard her breath hitch as his fingers insinuated themselves under the hem of her skirt.

He was just about to spring from his seat and work really hard on her forgiveness when an insistent knocking on the door punctured their lusty bubble.

Meredith irritably jumped off on the floor quickly straightening her clothes and reclaimed her place behind the desk while Derek groaned under his breath. Someone had the worst timing ever.

_I should have known, O'Malley_, he thought at the sight of George stumbling into the office with a folder in his hands.

"Morning Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," he said, glancing uneasily at the dark-haired doctor. "Chief, I went through the list you made. Dr. Anderson and Miller are out of the country. Dr. Taylor's on the maternity leave. I can contact Dr. Davis, Dr. Cox and Dr. Perez, also Major Hunt has just returned to States."

"Get in touch with him first," ordered Meredith. "Good job Dr. O'Malley." Derek watched with a frown and increasing annoyance as Meredith praised her deputy. They had too good rapport for his liking.

"No problem, Chief. I also came to report that all domino patients have arrived at the hospital and Dr. Bailey would like to start."

Meredith nodded, "Tell her I'll be right with her. Thank you, George."

"Yes, Dr. Grey," he answered and made it out of the room hunching his back under Derek's scowl.

Meredith laughed shortly as soon as the door closed behind him. "He thinks you're going to kill him."

"I might do just that," Derek stated jokingly. "He interrupted my groveling."

"That's the only reason?" she asked casually, making Derek snort.

"If you're suggesting I'm coveting the deputy job I'd like to put you right. I don't do second best."

Meredith opened her mouth to make the remark that begged to roll off her tongue but bit her lip instead, the gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Derek. She wanted the man in front of her badly, there was no point denying. She didn't need to ruffle his feathers additionally.

"I appreciate your concern for my feelings," he said resolutely.

"I'm sorry?" she narrowed her eyes.

"You can tell me what's on your mind. I promise I won't get offended," he assured her with a knowing smirk.

Meredith gave him a searching look, for the first time feeling apprehensive in his presence. How did he know what she was thinking? Usually, the guys around her gawked at her butt or her cleavage and that was enough. Derek Shepherd paid more attention, making her feel more exposed than as if she was naked. Maybe she shouldn't get any closer to him, he might be unnecessary trouble in her life.

"Fine," she conceded flatly. "I wanted to say you _are_ doing second best, second best surgeon and second best neurosurgeon."

"Ouch," Derek scrunched his nose. "It actually hurt. It's beneficial for my overblown ego, though."

Meredith opened her eyes widely. What happened with the man who told her he would be a better chief only a week ago? He brushed the slight as though it had meant nothing to him. If someone ever dared to call her second best, she would rip them to pieces limb by limb.

"I… I think we'll have to finish our conversation at a later time," she breathed out and walked to the door holding it open for Derek to leave. "Duty calls."

"Of course," he replied with a sigh. He strode to the door and stopped abruptly before her, inhaling her flowery scent.

She hitched her head to look into his eyes. Damn it! He was way taller even when she wore high heels and it increased the feeling that he possessed some kind of freak power over her. She swayed slightly forwards.

"What about my absolution?" he whispered, his lips so close to hers that her breath fanned her face.

"It's…" she cleared her throat, she was pulled towards him like a moth to a flame. "I don't think I can let you get off that easily."

"Oh, no. You can't," he agreed eagerly, brushing his lips lightly over hers.

Just as her tongue licked his lips demanding entrance, the sound of hurried footsteps echoed across the corridor bringing them down to earth.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith cut a short break at the nurses' station. She stopped to lean against the counter with one hand on her hip and observed the bustle around her. It was a busy day, the day of the first large-scale operation under her supervision or, to be precise, 12 separate but interconnected operations, including six kidney transplants. Seattle Grace was hosting a pair matching donation, in surgical jargon known as the domino surgery.

Even if, as a neurosurgeon, she wasn't going to take part in the procedures, she was personally involved in the preparations and management. Dr. Bailey had been meticulously working on the project for weeks, long before Meredith took the office but she wanted it be successful no less than her head of general. There were so many things that could backfire, mostly because it involved so many people – six donors and six recipients. Failure of one of them meant the failure of the entire project.

Meredith spotted Miranda zooming past her with a harassed look on her face. She was very pleased to have the plump surgeon on her team. Bailey was talented, resourceful and her career was only kicking off. She would undoubtedly contribute greatly to Grace's future successes.

It came as a slight surprise to Meredith that her professional contacts with Miranda ran smoothly. They were bong strong-willed, independent and straightforward. She had expected a massive clash of personalities but it never came. Quite the opposite, in fact, Miranda always treated her with civility, maybe even respect. Evidently, she had more brains than the rest of the staff put together. Although, Derek Shepherd seemed to be improving lately…

And he seemed to be staring at her right now. He was doing that every chance he got since they parted this morning. Had she been faced with the situation several weeks ago, she would have dragged him into an empty on call room and fuck him senseless.

Now, she had doubts. She was the chief of surgery; it came with perks but also with obligations and restraints. The post carried a certain prestige and dignity. She didn't see how embarking upon a fling with her own employee would fit into the picture. Besides, he almost managed to turn her into an incoherent puddle of mush back in her office. He was too dangerous for her.

With a sigh, she reciprocated the intense gaze he was giving her from across the hall. The man was perfection, she craved to eat him... and he was willing, so very willing. She knew she wouldn't last long in her resolution of keeping safe distance, she never had much self-control…

"I can't do this!" a feverish voice broke them from their trance and made the lively lobby succumb into a grave silence.

A young woman whom Meredith instantaneously recognized as one of the donors stood over a man in the wheelchair, who was, in his turn, a recipient.

"All these people telling me how wonderful and selfless and giving I am!" she snapped, her voice shaking. "I… I can't take it anymore. Especially not from her!" she pointed at another donor, wife of the man she was subjecting to her rage.

"Just keep your voice down!" he panted.

"Have you seen her face? Thanking me for saving your life? Stan, this is crazy! You promised you'd tell her, please!" she yelled at him.

The man started to wince from pain and two residents rushed to his side.

"Tell her! If the past three years meant anything to you, you have to tell her!"

"Stan?" the man's wife reappeared with a cup of water in her hand an expression of shock and hurt painting across her face.

"All these years I knew there were other women but I thought it was just sex! My God, Stan! She's giving a kidney for you! That's not sex, it's family! I'd do anything for you. I gave up my entire life to get you to dialyses, drive you to doctors-"

"I didn't ask you to do any of that!" barked her husband.

"Well, don't worry! I won't do one more thing for you and that includes giving a kidney!" she declared angrily and scooted off.

_Crap!_ thought Meredith with frustration, _the human factor, it always failed_.

**********************************************************************************

Derek Shepherd reprimanded himself irritably. He was behaving like a lovesick schoolboy… or a dog in heat, or both. He was following her with his eyes all day, not only her enticing curves but also her eyes.

She was keeping a lot to herself, protected by the shell of self-confidence. The eyes, however, her green pools of eyes were the entrance to her soul. He just had to know how to read them.

His pulse sped up as she looked at him across the lobby. Her face appeared to be expressionless but Derek was slowly learning how to read the smallest clues indicating her mood. He could swear she was hesitant, maybe a bit frustrated. If only he could get her alone and finish what they started this morning…

That wasn't going to happen anytime soon, he commented inwardly as he witnessed one of the donors refuse to give her kidney and the havoc following her outburst. The intricate web of donors and recipients seemed to crumble as one by one they denied to give their organs.

A deep frown formed on Meredith's forehead as she rejoined Bailey and the two of them tried to extinguish the hell that broke loose.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith approached Bailey who was standing in front of the board with a diagram of the domino surgery.

"Dr. Bailey," she addressed her. "We've been featured on the national news. All eyes are on Seattle Grace. Fix this."

"It's unfixable sighed Miranda dejectedly. "I've just received the call from U.N.O.S. They don't have a matching kidney. We have to release the patients."

Meredith studied her face. She was stressed out to the limits and evidently going through a little crisis. She needed a push in the right direction.

"Or… we can wait a little bit more for Mrs. Mercer to cool off and rethink her decision," she proposed. "She might need some _psychological support…_" she emphasized the last words and Miranda's eyes lit almost imperceptibly with renewed spark. "Of course, we can't do anything that resembles coercion. U.N.O.S. is very clear about that. The last thing we need is to lose our status as a transplant site.

With this word of warning, she left Bailey alone with her thoughts. When she gave her the last glance from the doorway, she could see the short woman fidgeting in her spot, cooking up the plan B.

**********************************************************************************

"It's a pity looks don't kill," complained Cristina Yang beside Derek, appearing out of nowhere, seconds after Meredith disappeared with Bailey in the conference room.

"Sorry?"

"What are you deaf now, Shepherd?" she huffed impatiently. "I'm surprised she hasn't dropped yet. You look like you want to strangle her with bare hands."

Oh, he did want his hands on her neck and every other part of her body, for that matter, though, Yang probably shouldn't learn that particular piece of information. Thank God, she misinterpreted the attention he was giving Dr. Grey.

"I seriously don't know how you can put up with her strutting around the hospital every day," stated Cristina venomously. "If she stole my job, I wouldn't content myself with hateful glares."

"Mhmm," Derek agreed wordlessly. So true, he yearned to do so much more than looking…

"She's probably laughing her ass out behind your back," went on Cristina. "She would laugh straight into your face if she didn't want to lose one of the best world-class neurosurgeons."

For the first time since she joined him, he took notice of her ranting. Meredith Grey was playful and flirty with him but even then she treated him with the air of unquestionable ruthless superiority, in her actions and in her words. He was attempting to be polite and patient but he didn't know how much his battered dignity would take.

"How went the meeting with the wicked witch this morning?" asked Cristina curiously, pushing him of his musings once more.

"Fine," he replied reluctantly.

"Yeah, yeah. Somehow, O'Malley's still the Deputy," she sneered. "On the other hand, he might have done you a favour. At least, you won't have to be at her every wish. _That_ would be humiliating."

"Yeah, I guess," he nodded shortly. "I… need to go back to work." He quickly excused himself and hid in office, trying to stop his racing mind. One day, Meredith Grey would drive him insane.

**********************************************************************************

Not even an hour later, Meredith stood in front of an army of doctors in scrubs, giving them a short pre-surgery pep talk. Her features were a mask of concentration, as ever, though inwardly, she bubbled with satisfaction and pride. She knew she could trust Bailey's perseverance to take her baby project through to the finish line.

"Our six donors are all anesthetized and ready to go. They'll be done first, followed by the recipients. Each pair will be color-coded so as not to confuse them. This surgery is a hornet's nest, so work quickly but carefully. Use each other, operate as a team. Let's go make medical history."

The surgeons scattered around, each heading to perform the task they were assigned with while Meredith addressed Bailey with a knowing smile, "We're lucky as hell that woman changed her mind."

Miranda wore a similar grin. "Yes, we are. Yes, we are," she giggled and scurried away.

**********************************************************************************

Several hours later, Meredith and Miranda found themselves again in front of the domino surgery board. Bailey was giving her a shortened report on the situation on the battlefield, pointing at the pictures of the patients, "Ms. Loring, Mr. Cross, Mr. Patil, Ms. Chan and Mr. Mercer, they're all stable. But Mr. Walling, he has delayed graft function and God knows what else."

"The press is going to be all over this tomorrow," Meredith's eyes swept with contentment over the diagram. "I'll need you available for interviews and some photo-ops."

"Did you hear me, Dr. Grey?" Bailey interrupted her. "Mr. Walling has a serious complication. His electrolytes are off-"

"But you saved five other lives," Meredith cut her short. "That's a pretty good scoreboard. Not perfect, but good."

Bailey didn't know what to say for a moment as she looked down on the floor to finally nod, acknowledging the rightness of Meredith's arguments.

"I would never expect to hear that from you," she said when she looked up again.

Meredith shrugged her shoulder, "I'm ambitious but I'm also realistic. Remember we were on the brink of cancelling everything. You did an excellent job, by the way."

"Thank you…" hesitated Miranda, "Dr. Grey."

"You're welcome." She turned on her heel with the intention of retreating to her office when Bailey called her back.

"Chief?" Miranda said with a tiny smile. "You probably… don't have many friends here apart from the redhead drooling over the manwhore. If you feel like having a drink sometime, count me in."

**********************************************************************************

It was late into the evening when Meredith walked out of the hospital and steered herself to her car, parked in the spot reserved just for her. The day was good, she handled the difficult situation perfectly and she learnt in the process there could be more friendly souls out there.

She took a deep enthusiastic breath, appreciatively inhaling the fresh air while her brisk step gained an amazing lightness. She could definitely smell the spring coming.

Her elation went drastically over the window, however, when she reached her car. She walked around her blue Porsche and registered with shock, disbelief and blind rage that the tyres had been slashed, all four!

She trembled like a volcano before the eruption. _Son of a bitch!_ What did she hear during the meetings of anger management group that Addie made her attend back in New York?

_Count to ten, backwards… 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-0… Fuck!_

_Take deep breaths… Who made up the idiotic calming techniques?_ If she breathed any harder she would be hyperventilating! She couldn't bottle up the bile going to her throat any longer…

"If I ever catch the mother fucker who did this, they'll be praying to perform a lobotomy on themselves!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.

"Hmmm, I'm so relieved I don't have to grovel for that."

Meredith spun around to see Derek Shepherd standing on the sidewalk a few feet away, scrutinizing her flat tyres with a frown and finally looking up at her with a grin. Meredith's lips parted indignantly. _That bastard! Having fun, Jackass?!_


	7. Chapter 7: Up To The Game

A/N Hello everyone! I hope you still remember about this story even if the intervals between updates are quite long and I hope you're really enjoy this chapter. I'm waiting for your reviews, thank you for reading!

Warning: The story takes a definitely porny turn in this chapter so if you're sensitive to that content skip the fragment.

Cheers,

Em

**********************************************************************************

"_Hmmm, I'm so relieved I don't have to grovel for that."_

_Meredith spun around to see Derek Shepherd standing on the sidewalk a few feet away, scrutinizing her flat tyres with a frown and finally looking up at her with a grin. Meredith's lips parted indignantly. __That bastard! Having fun, Jackass?!_

"What are you doing here?" she growled at him.

"Standing and talking to you, Dr. Grey," he replied airily. "Although, technically, what I believe you want to know is what I've been doing here. And my simple answer is that I've been on my way to my car." He pointed at a nearby vehicle with his briefcase. He smirked as he saw her eyes narrow at him. He was playing with fire further setting her off but he couldn't resist. She was so damn hot wearing that scowl on her face.

"What a coincidence!" she folded her arms on her chest looking at him suspiciously.

"Oh, come on," he shook his head in amusement. "I'm a bit too mature for that."

"Seriously, you've been stalking me the whole day, doing that thing with your eyes."

"What thing?" he smirked.

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Get out of my sight before I stop being nice."

" 'Cause that was nice," murmured Derek, completely disregarding her order. He put his coat and his briefcase on the hood of his car and pulled a cell phone to make a call.

"What do you think you're doing? Why are you still here?" huffed Meredith with hostility. The man was relentless in his mission of infuriating her.

"I'm calling the cops," stated Derek. "Don't touch anything. Whoever did that may have left some traces."

"You… you're not my knight in shining… whatever!" she yelled indignantly.

Derek turned away from her, blocking his free ear.

"Yes… Hello," he said to the speaker. "I'd like to report an offence…"

"Argh! Ass!" She was accustomed to men blindly following every word that fell from her lips. Derek Shepherd was always on her way refusing to budge. She found that exasperating and… turning on.

**********************************************************************************

"What are we drinking to?" asked Mark reaching for his bottle of beer.

"You even need to ask? We're celebrating the success of my super domino surgery," boasted Bailey with a self-satisfied smile.

"Seriously? I haven't heard anything," snickered Mark.

"Seriously, I did," Cristina butted in. "She kinda mentioned it once."

"A few times," added Alex.

"All the time," backed him Izzie.

"Shut it, all of you," scolded them Bailey with a grinning face. "Where's Derek?" She searched the area around their booth with her eyes.

"I'm afraid he's not coming," sighed Mark.

"How so?" Bailey frowned her forehead.

"He said he'd take space to do some thinking over."

"About what?" asked Izzie. "Are the rumours true? Is he going to quit?"

"He's been considering that," admitted Mark reluctantly, "but he's not particularly fond of the idea. I think he took Dr. Grey's opinion of him pretty seriously."

"Oh, please," grimaced Erica from her corner. "He should know better than to pay attention to what she says. He's a class above her."

"I can't wait until he snaps and takes her on," sniggered Cristina. "He needs to regain his cocky neurosurgeon backbone. He's been dragging his ass over the hospital like a lost puppy while she's roaming like busy bee queen. This condescending attitude won't get him anywhere."

"Neither will bitching around," countered harshly Miranda. "My advice is to leave the poor man alone. He doesn't need you turning him against her."

"We don't have to," muttered Cristina. "He hates her guts, with good reason."

"I'd say it's a pretty lame reason," barked Miranda. "We should each mind our own business."

"Whatever," Cristina rolled her eyes.

"And where's George?"

"How should we know?" Izzie shrugged her shoulders but kept her eyes cast down. "He's too important for our lowly company."

"Are you pretending or are you really that damn stupid?" snapped Bailey. "I hope it's the first option; otherwise, you'd make me a failure given the fact that you were my residents all those years."

"You know, why don't we just chill out?" Mark tried to disperse the tension from the air. "We have a toast to make."

They were interrupted by the ubiquitous beeping.

"It's mine," sighed Mark, taking a swig of his beer while standing up.

"And mine," said Bailey.

"Mine too," joined Erica.

**********************************************************************************

Propped against his car, Derek watched with amusement two police officers cowering before the petite form of Meredith Grey. He had to admit they arrived pretty fast, undoubtedly, because the case involved such an important personality as the chief in the best hospital in the city. Plus, both the mayor and the chief of Seattle police fell for her charms, or so the local papers claimed.

Now, she was the goddess of ire. Derek admired from the safe distance her nervous pace, the uncompromising tone of her voice, the fire in her eyes. The hands she put on her hips pronounced the sway of her hips. He felt his pants tighten with yearning; he was never equally intoxicated with any woman. Why? He wasn't exactly sure. Girls he usually dated were warm and kind, and always impressed with him, whereas Dr. Grey was violent and unpredictable. Plus, she constantly looked down on him. However, his reservations were melting fast as she observed her round on the cops. She was the risk he wanted to take, literally.

"So I've been waiting here like an idiot only so you could tell me you're incapable of doing anything?" she hollered. One of the officers just announced that there were no clues.

"Not exactly, Ma'am," he said giving her a fearful look. "The offender left no traces but…" he turned around and pointed upwards. "I'm pretty sure we have them on the tape."

"Then what are you waiting for?" inquired Meredith. "So they come and turn in themselves?"

"There are certain procedures we have to fulfill, Ma'am," squealed the other policeman with a small voice. "We need to obtain a warrant to gain access to the recordings… and…"

Meredith crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, "I don't have the whole night to waste on this parking lot!"

The officer cleared his throat and continued, "And… it's rather late so no judge will be willing to hear us out… in such a minor case-"

_Bad move, man,_ thought Derek sympathetically. The boys were in a tight spot, facing an option of enraging either a judge or a mayor's friend.

"Minor case?" roared Meredith. "Minor case? My Porsche is immobilized and you call it a minor case? Besides, it may well be a freaking death threat!"

"With all due respect, Ma'am," said the officer reluctantly. "There's… there's nothing suggesting that it's more than a juvenile prank-"

"Seriously!" bellowed Meredith. "Aren't you guys here to protect innocent defenseless citizens? What the hell am I paying the taxes for?"

The two men exchanged surreptitious glances and Derek saw his chance. He stepped between the cops and Meredith gently pulling at her arms.

"Officer Kelly, Officer Jones, thanks for your help," he nodded at them. "I'll think we'll be fine now."

"Good night, Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," they hastily retreated thanking Derek with their eyes.

"Hey! I'm not finished here!" shouted after them Meredith. "I want my case to be taken seriously!"

She watched helplessly as the police car left the parking lot. Only then did she realize Derek Shepherd was still touching her arm. Feeling her body's temperature rise, she wrung her oversensitive limb from his grasp.

"What are you doing?" she scowled at him.

"Protecting you," Derek shot her a reassuring smile. "I've heard you're trembling over your life."

"You've got some nerve! You've just sent away my cops!" she huffed.

"I might have underestimated the danger," he confessed gravely but his eyes and lips betrayed his amusement.

Meredith stared at him and gritted through her teeth, "I've said that to make them work on the case and catch the asshole who did that. It takes whole damn more to scare me than a vandal pouring the pains of their sad pathetic life on my car!"

"Sorry," Derek shook his head firmly. "I feel responsible for your personal safety."

"You're enjoying this too much in some sick perverted way," she commented picking up her things she had abandoned on the curb.

"Maybe I'm just feeding my superhero complex," chuckled Derek.

"Tell me you're keen on running around in blue tights and I'll pray for a mad axe man lurking around," she grumbled.

"Damn, you guessed my secret identity," he joked following her. "Are you going to… expose me?"

Meredith's lips twitched on their own accord. The man was cracking her up putting down her defences step by step.

"Your secret identity? You were doing a poor job concealing it with that gigantic initial on your chest."

"I have to disagree," said Derek indignantly. "Everyone thinks it stands for Superman."

"Go look for your Lois somewhere else," she waved her hand dismissively.

"I think I need to fly you home first."

Meredith swallowed heavily as he sent her the most McDreamy smile humanly possible. He was letting himself with too many liberties towards her!

"And I think you should stop thinking; it works bad for you," she sniggered. "I don't need anyone giving me a lift, I'm calling a cab."

"Then I'll get in that cab with you," he insisted.

Meredith gave out an irritated huff. The raven-haired neurosurgeon was unyielding in his chase, making them both come into the open.

"Fine," Meredith seemingly gave in, reaching her open palm towards him. "Keys, please."

"What?"

He was successful in his little game so far but she wasn't going to let him have his way with her. They were going to play by her rules. Moreover, she really needed the steering wheel to occupy her hands with unless she wanted to jump his bones, right then, right there.

"Give me the keys, please," she repeated her request.

"We're after hours, you don't get giving me orders outside the hospital."

"And I thought we never stop being doctors," she gave him a sweet smile. "Besides, being outside the hospital, we're still at the hospital premises and may I remind you, Dr. Shepherd, you don't know where I live."

"Fine," he mirrored her earlier statement and handed her the set of keys brushing her fingers in the process. Meredith's mouth went dry as she pondered what she was going to do with the man candy on her doorstep.

They got inside the car in silence, painfully aware of the sudden change in the atmosphere. Meredith pulled off with a screech of the tyres and braked violently before joining the traffic on the main road.

"I suspected the flat tyres to be an inside job," said Derek fastening his seatbelt. "But in reality, it could be anyone seeing you drive!"

**********************************************************************************

George barely had the time to scrub out of his procedure when he was called to the pit to an utmost emergency. It was going to be a long night. He was on call and with Dr. Grey having gone home, he was the main responsible for maintaining order on the surgical floor. Knowing the tempers of his peers, herding them didn't sound like an easy task. At least, Derek Shepherd left the hospital as well. The neurosurgeon was glaring at him ever since they bumped into each other in the Chief's office.

George arrived at the ER and a nurse thrust a chart into his hands. He studied it with a deepening frown and directed his eyes at the patient in question with a hint of incredulity. He saw a young man stuck in a large block of cement, from his breastbone downwards. The man was absolutely terrified. Quite understandably so, he was in a dramatic predicament. What wasn't understandable was the fact that he was left alone with his fear. A group of surgeons stood in the room nearby, gesticulating and arguing widely.

George shook his head and opened the door with the intention to put his foot down on the chaos. He thought his skull would split in halves as the cries engulfed him.

"-work from the outside in! No more time-"

"This is what we have to do!"

"I am right!"

"Why is the patient in there and all of you are here?" he asked his colleagues trying to outshout them.

Dr. Stuart, a second year resident, provided him with a frantic description of the situation, "Dr. Torres," he pointed at the head of ortho, "is worried about the limbs. Dr. Bailey's worried about the abdominal crush injuries. Dr. Sloan feels the burns should take the first look and Dr. Hahn feels the heart a lung issues are gonna kill him before we get to any of this."

"In other words-"

"No one can agree where to start."

"I know where to start!" chorused the surgeons.

"Cement's contracting! I don't get in, he could lose legs and the right arm!" argued Torres.

"I'd like to see him live without a liver!" Bailey cut in.

"So we're saying we'd prefer him to suffer a painful death as the alkaline continues to burn through his skin?" asked Mark sarcastically.

"You can't just start chipping away! Once his circulation opens up the built-up toxins will stop his heart, not to mention rhabdomyolosis," complained Hahn.

"You're so wrong!"

"_You're_ so wrong!"

"Everybody stand down!" growled George. "This man has been stuck in the cement for four hours. That leaves us less than four to six hours to get him out of it and into the OR before his is dead! We're fighting a hell of a clock, every minute counts. We work as a team or that man dies. Do you understand?"

It seemed that his outburst sobered them up. Everyone in the room momentarily stared at George with wide eyes only to rush together to the white board to devise a plan of action.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith deliberately slowed down her movements as she turned off the engine and pulled the key out of the ignition, gaining herself a few more seconds to think. She hopped outside, the cool evening air clearing her head, telling her to follow her instincts. Acting on her impulses never failed her yet. And Addie had a night shift… The circumstances were perfect… She needed to go with the flow. After this night, she'd finally be free. The preposterous obsession would be over. She'd deal with the consequences of sleeping with her subordinate later, much later.

"Catch," she threw him the keys when he got out of the car following her lead.

"A simple thank you wouldn't be out of place," he cocked his head. "Especially after you almost got me killed at that junction."

"Oh, you poor baby," cooed Meredith. "I've been thinking to invite for a coffee in a gesture of 'thank you'. I prefer… actions to words." She noticed his blue eyes darken to a stormy shade and stop at the level of her lips.

"But if you're such a scaredy cat," she teased, "I don't know if you can handle grown-up treats."

He licked his lower lip and said absentmindedly, "I can handle everything, I'm SuperShepherd, remember?"

"We'll see about that," she whispered turning on her heel towards the door and sending a wave of flowery scent up his nostrils.

"Your hair…" he breathed out keeping the distance between them as small as possible.

"My hair?"

"It smells nice," he replied simply.

The lock clicked open and they entered the dark house.

"Don't bother with the sweet talking," she shot casually switching the lights to put her briefcase on the floor and hang her coat. "As I said I prefer-"

"You prefer actions to words, yeah," he finished in a slightly husky voice, sneaking his hands on her hips.

Finally! Meredith sighed turning abruptly in his arms and pressing herself flush against his strong body, her hands bringing his head down, making their lips meet forcefully. The game was up or… it was just beginning.

Derek's mind went blank except for the thought that he was in heaven again. He was drugged with her scent, with her sensuous curves burning under his touch. Their tongues danced with each other exploring the warm caverns of their mouths.

Their hands roamed wildly in the desperate need for each other and it wasn't long before their jackets and shirts fell to the ground in a messy heap. Meredith felt him growing hard and smiled against his lips with satisfaction that he was equally engrossed as her. The wetness growing the entire time she was stuck with him in the cosy car cabin pooled between her legs, soaking through her underwear.

He pinned her to the wall attacking her neck with his mouth, his teeth marking his territory. However, he was soon about to discover she craved for dominance in every domain of her life as she shoved him violently and it was his turn to feel the cold surface on his bare back. Her fingers massaged the muscles on his chest, her nails grazing tantalizingly his skin, lower and lower… until her small hand grabbed the sensitive bulge, almost making him explode. An inarticulate sound escaped his throat and he assaulted her once more, roughly pushing down her bra and kneading her perky breasts skin on skin. His hand found its way under her skirt and his finger sank in her creamy dampness.

"God… you're ready…" he panted nibbling at her earlobe.

"I'm… always ready," she assured him confidently unbuckling his belt and pulling down his trousers along with his boxers. "The question is… are you?"

A dreadful torturous thought crossed his mind. "I don't have-"

Meredith laughed throatily and pushed him aside striding towards the kitchen, shimmying out of her bra and her skirt, staying only in her high heels.

Even if their sexual lives weren't exactly thriving, a stock of condoms in the cookie jar was a bare essential all the years she and Addie shared flat since college.

"Come!" she barked an order over her shoulder and he couldn't do anything but follow his mistress, naked from head to toe. She yanked open one of the cupboards and pulled a fistful of condom packets.

"Told ya, I'm always ready. Any more question why _I'm_ the chief?"

"Hell… no!" he growled and lifted her from the floor without any notice, placing her on the counter and prying himself between her lean legs. He reached for the condom but she held it away, tore the packet open herself and rolled it on his iron hard erection.

She bit her lip impatiently. Anatomically speaking, Derek Shepherd didn't disappoint, at all… She was dripping wet on the counter to take him inside her. Fortunately, her wait was over as his thick length opened her pushing through her slick folds, eliciting uncontrollable moans from both of them.

"Meredith…" he breathed her name and wanted to move inside her but couldn't. She clenched her tight walls around him, successfully holding him in place and driving him mad. "Meredith…"

She forcefully pulled at the black curls at the back of his skull to force him to look her in the eyes.

"I don't remember letting you call me by my first name," she gritted sternly.

"Please… I need to… move," he managed to utter, a sheen of sweat working up over his brow.

"Please, Dr…?" she teased him mercilessly.

"Please, Dr. Grey," he whined obediently despite his blood boiling inside. But he'd get back at her later, or now… fucking her senseless.

"Good boy," she praised him patting him on the head and finally releasing her hold on him.

He groaned in relief and didn't waste any time to pound forcefully into her, over and over again, her screams increasing in intensity. She wrapped her legs around him lifting herself up to meet his powerful thrusts. Her fingernails dug into his flesh as she shook with the waves of her impeding orgasm. She threw her head back as the force of the climax ripped through her body. He pushed into her for the last time and vocalized his own release.

They stayed still for a couple of minutes, waiting for their trembling limbs and labored breathing to ease while still experiencing the aftershocks of their pleasure.

"Why don't we… move some place more comfortable?" he breathed against her forehead.

She slid onto the floor, grinding against him, making him rise again.

"Impressive, Dr. Shepherd," she grinned appreciatively. She clasped her hand on his hardness and led him to the living room.

**********************************************************************************

George rubbed his weary eyes as he stood outside the room of his patient. His chest swelled with satisfaction, though. After hours of incredible team effort, the young man was free from cement, and still breathing. The fight was tenacious. They crumbled the grey material, piece after piece, pouring vinegar on his body to minimize burns. The level of fluids in his body was essential so they kept hydrating him for hours, only to realize that his bladder might explode. When they lifted the last chunk of cement, he coded on them. He needed an embolectomy, he developed a clot in the right pulmonary artery…

But he survived. A patient with such a complicated case survived under his watch.

"Great job," said Callie Torres standing beside him.

"Yeah, we did an excellent job," agreed George with a wide smile.

"Yeah, I meant," hesitated Callie, "I meant you did a great job."

George turned to look at her, clearly surprised.

"You didn't lose your head when we all did," she continued. "You reminded us that we should focus on the patient and not on proving each other wrong. You acted like a real chief deputy tonight, authority and everything." She chuckled embarrassedly. "I think Grey made an excellent choice appointing you, Dr. O'Malley."

"Thanks," George smiled slightly. He hoped Dr. Grey would share this opinion. Every time the new chief praised him his heart soared. Besides that, she trusted him. He would do anything not to disappoint her. He looked at the clock. He had two hours till the end of his shift; he could use them to start reviewing the first trial applications he received. He left Dr. Torres with a quick goodbye oblivious to her disappointed regard.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith was woken up by a warm ray of sunshine staring at her face. Her eyelids cracked open and she was momentarily disoriented. She was lying completely naked on the couch in her living room, her hair was tousled in tangled knots and she was aching in all unexpected places, especially… there.

She looked around and noticed Derek Shepherd's muscular and equally naked body sprawled on his stomach on the floor. Her eyes rested dazedly on his well toned butt as the porny memories of the previous night danced in her memory. She was so screwed…


	8. Chapter 8: Diving Headfirst

A/N Hello everyone! I'm finally here with an update! I must warn you that Meredith is a major bitch at the beginning but hopefully you're going to enjoy the end of the chapter… :) Thank you for all your comments! As usual, I'm waiting for your opinions after this one.

**Important for later chapters:** I wrote at the beginning of the story that Mer and Addie are of the same age. That's not exactly accurate. They attended college and med school together but Addison is a couple of years older.

*********************************************************************************

Meredith looked around her living room disorientated. Something wasn't right in this picture. It wasn't the fact that she was naked. It wasn't even the bare body of her hateful subordinate on the floor or that they had hot dirty sex all night long. She could live with that, oh, she could.

The odd and extremely worrying element was that she'd like to pick where they left off. And that would virtually mean that her plan… backfired on her. She sat up feeling overwhelming panic. The little tryst (okay, maybe not so little) she allowed herself (well, more like took reign of her) was supposed to be a vent for the violent lust she held for the raven-haired surgeon, not a catalyst. But somehow all she desired right now was his big thick… NO!

This madness had to end this instant! Derek Shepherd had to get the hell out of here precisely because… she wanted him to stay. She slapped herself on the forehead with the hope for some kind of illumination and her eyes rested on the clock. Holy mother fucker! She was going to be late!

She grabbed a stray quilt, carefully covering her naked body and with a briefest hesitation threw a cushion on Derek Shepherd's appetizing butt earning an inarticulate grunt.

"Get up!" she ordered, scanning the room in search for his clothes.

"Why don't you get down here so we can finish where we left off?" he muttered sleepily.

Meredith tried to replay the sequence of the previous night's events, which proved a grueling task. Shepherd apparently fucked her brains out. She bolted to the hall and picked up the crumpled mass of their clothes and tossed at him the items of his clothing.

"Get dressed!" she gritted out. "You need to go!"

"What?" he asked trying to wake up his brain. The last night left him equally awestruck as his host was. "This is…" he chuckled holding out a lacy bra that tangled in his shirt.

"Humiliating on so many levels," groaned Meredith. "Which part of _you need to go_ you don't understand? Get your ass off my floor!"

"Seriously…" he muttered.

"Seriously, look what time it is," she shrieked. "I'm going to be late for work. Addison's shift is over, she's going to be here any minute."

"You live with Addison Montgomery?" asked Derek, surprised.

"It's really none of your business! Take your stuff and leave!"

"What? Don't you think we should talk about it?" he frowned buttoning his shirt.

"No, I don't think so," she shook her head. "There is nothing to talk about."

"Are you throwing me out?" he asked trying to sound light.

"Finally, he's getting it!" stated Meredith sarcastically.

"You've got to be kidding me," he said irritably. "You're getting back to that attitude after what happened last night?"

"Nothing happened last night!" she argued. "Listen, I really don't have time for this shit. I've got to be at Grace in the next forty-five minutes!"

"I… fine!" spat Derek taking his coat and striding towards the door. He had to be at hospital soon himself. "We're not finished!"

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered shutting the door after him. She smelled trouble, Derek Shepherd was going to be handful, she could see it in his blue irises that turned stormy.

She was going to be so fucking late. She ran back into the living to gather her clothes. Everything smelled like sex, herself, her clothes, the whole room. Nothing short of surprising, they humped like dogs in heat on every possible surface. She opened the windows widely and blanched at the used condoms laying here and there on the floor. She picked them up and rearranged the objects knocked from their proper places of residence. _Damn Addie! Why didn't you leave the walls and shelves bare as they always were!_

She called for a cab, showered, get dressed and donned a light makeup, all at the top speed.

As she was running to the door, Addison came in.

"Mer? I thought you'd already left for work. Where's your car?"

"Hi, Addie!" she said breathlessly. "It's a long story. My cab is already here, I need to go!"

"But Mer!?"

Meredith hurried outside but reappeared seconds later.

"Addie? You'd want to clean the counter before doing any cooking."

*********************************************************************************

Derek Shepherd was fuming all the way to the hospital, he was breathing fire. How dared she? She threw him out like their sex marathon had never happened. Bit it did. He felt it all over his body. He shifted uncomfortably in the car seat, he could still feel her heels digging into his buttocks while he pounded into her at that kitchen counter. He thought with vengeful satisfaction that she must be aching with equal force, he made sure of that.

He cursed himself for ever getting interest in Meredith Grey. She was completely unbalanced. Yesterday, he felt like he touched heaven. Today, she made him feel like shit. He was leveled to a hooker who did his job and was not so politely asked to leave. The only thing missing in the situation was her giving him a check or a wad of banknotes for his services. Wait a minute, she _was_ paying him!

The goddamn woman! He wasn't going to let it rest like that! He was her employer? Fine! But he wasn't her private whore. She would either make amends for her behavior or he would make her pay.

Thankfully, he wasn't going to be late. He had a spare set of clothes in his office. He just needed to sneak into the hospital unnoticed, shower and get changed. Better if he took the supply entrance and the stairs instead of elevators. He would have made his route safe and sound as planned if it hadn't been for Bailey. He whizzed past her without so much as noticing her but Miranda clearly did. Her forehead creased in concern as she took in his obviously "yesterday" clothes, exhausted expression and the stubble that was thicker than usual. What was the poor man doing to himself?

She sighed with relief as she realized she hadn't sniffed the odour of alcohol. He didn't spent the night binge drinking. But how did he spend it? He didn't return to his trailer, that was certain.

*********************************************************************************

"What a night," yawned Mark pulling on his jacket. "I can't wait to get to my own bed."

"I heard you were all saved by O'Malley," smirked Cristina taking the charts of her patients from the counter.

"If by saving you mean shouting at more experienced and competent doctors," snorted Erica buttoning her coat.

"And I think he gave us a run for our money," said gently Miranda. "He kept a cool head while we couldn't stop bickering."

"Do you want to become a part of Dr. Model's dream team, Miranda?" asked snarkily Erica, making Bailey roll her eyes.

"Speaking of which," interrupted Cristina with an amused expression on her face observing the slender figure of their boss crossing the corridor with the speed of a little tornado. "Just look at her! Dr. Model seems to have left her poise at home!"

"Or her hair dryer broke down," remarked Erica. "Must be the end of the world."

"Oh, that should be good!" Cristina shook her head satisfactorily as Derek Shepherd caught up with the subject of their conversation, his furious eyes trained at the back of her skull.

Meredith hurried into the hospital painfully aware of smirks and judging looks focused on her. Numerous pairs of eyes followed her quick gait and her wild hair that she left to dry naturally.

"Dr. Grey," sounded an insistent voice she had dreaded since she left the house.

"Dr. Shepherd," she acknowledged harshly.

"So, now you're going to pretend we're only coworkers?" he whispered as he reached her.

"I will do no such thing," she replied airily. "We're not coworkers. I'm the Chief, you're my subordinate-"

"Yeah, I've heard it all before," he cut her off. "You can't even give it a rest when you're having sex, I think you have some serious issues to sort out."

"Don't you ever put the words me, you and sex in one sentence," she hissed back glancing furtively around. _Damn you, Derek Shepherd_! How did he look like he'd just walked out from the stylist's? No, she definitely shouldn't look at him again. Because if she did, she would not be able to fight off the urge to push him against the wall, straddle him, rip his clothes off… Yes… she definitely remembered what was underneath them… pure heaven… She fixed her vision on the level of her feet and sped up her step.

"Why, I think it's a perfect match. Fits… like a glove, I'd say," he smirked.

His comment made her blood circulate faster, bringing light rosy colour to her cheeks. "You're wasting my precious time. I'm already late, so kindly get back to your own work."

"As you like to remind with such pleasure, you're my boss. You should find the time listen to your employees' concerns."

"As you like to remind with such pleasure, I've already given you a lot of time. Actually, I listened to your moaning all night long," she shot before she could stop herself. In the corner of her eye, she saw his lips arched in satisfaction.

"Listen," he sighed. "We always end up in a shouting match. We need to talk."

"Do you not understand English?" she asked pitilessly. "When will you finally get it that there's nothing between us. Nothing happened and nothing will happen. And stop making a scene, Dr. Shepherd!"

Derek felt his anger stir up inside him again; fiery uncontrollable anger, the kind only she could evoke in him. It blinded him making him loose all inhibitions. He didn't know what he would do, probably something crazy and scandalous, judging by the fact that they were in plain view of everyone, if… if George O'Malley hadn't interrupted them with his fucking talent at arriving in the most inopportune moments.

"Chief," George addressed Meredith, blocking their way.

"Dr. O'Malley," Meredith breathed out with relief.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," he cringed under Derek's furious look. "Am… am I interrupting?"

"Actually-" started Derek.

"Not at all," said quickly Meredith. "Dr. Shepherd's just run out of time. Let's proceed to my office, Dr. O'Malley."

"We're not finished talking," hissed Derek.

"Do you imagine you have something more important to announce to me than Dr. O'Malley?" she asked mockingly. "I don't think so. Get yourself busy, Dr. Shepherd. I'm not paying you for fooling around."

"Could have fooled me," he muttered venomously.

She shot him the last glare and directed herself towards the elevators with George at her wake who, having walked on two neurosurgeons' dispute, wished nothing else but to vanish.

"Finally, Shepherd got his balls back," commented Cristina leaning against the counter. "Pity it didn't work. She chose O'Malley over him again."

"What was that about?" asked Bailey into space but her eyes searched Mark's who just shrugged his shoulders, wearing identical frown on his forehead.

"Apparently, he got his act together and is staking his claim, about time," proposed Cristina.

"Bullshit," said Mark and took off in the direction of his best friend.

Bailey looked at Shepherd with apprehension as he stood in the corridor with his hands on his hips staring at the elevator where Dr. Grey had just disappeared. She too didn't believe his bad mood was caused by O'Malley's appointment. For him, the outcome of the race for the chief's position was all or nothing. He couldn't be the Chief but he wouldn't content himself with leftovers.

But Derek Shepherd was angry for some reason, mad even, mad at Dr. Meredith Grey. He certainly wasn't angry the previous day but he arrived furious at Grace this morning. To sum up, he didn't go home last night, he didn't get drunk, he came to work in yesterday's clothes, mad at Dr. Grey… Miranda shook her head frantically. Her imagination was producing images she didn't ever want to see.

Still consumed with rage, Derek decided there was nothing else for him to do but to occupy himself with work, just as Meredith told him to. But the game was far from over…

"Derek," he was stopped by Mark's worried voice. "Man, what's going on?"

"Nothing," he dismissed his friend dryly.

"I thought you said you'd give it a rest?"

"Mark, just stay out of this, it's nothing."

"It sure isn't," said Mark sarcastically. "You two looked like you were ready to kill each other."

"I had a little disagreement with Dr. Grey. That's all," replied Derek dismissively. "I need to get back to work, Chief's orders."

He and Mark had never had any secrets from each other. His feelings for Dr. Grey would be the first one. Mark wouldn't understand. Hell, he didn't understand them himself. One thing he was sure was that no other woman could excite such a plethora of emotions. She brought to the surface the best and the worst in him. It was dangerous, hurtful but also cleansing. Whatever he was doing with her was living on a fast lane. He just needed to get control of the steering wheel.

*********************************************************************************

"Good job, Dr. O'Malley," Meredith praised him tiredly, leaning back into her chair, having listened to his account of the night's events.

"Thank you, Chief. Are you feeling all right?" he asked carefully studying her face.

"Excellent," she sighed. "I've just had a long night."

"I'm sorry," he said with a small voice.

"For what?" she squinted at him.

"You've got problems with Dr. Shepherd," he explained "I've-"

"That has nothing to do with you," she stated categorically.

"It doesn't?" asked George disbelievingly.

"No," she spat ending the subject. "Have you got in touch with Major Hunt like I asked you to ?"

"Yes," answered George quickly slightly surprised. Dr. Grey never used that strict tone with him. "He's interested, ready to start from day one. I let myself schedule an appointment with you. He'll be here at nine."

"Good. Now, leave me to my work," she ordered. "I believe your shift is over. Go home."

"Are you sure you're okay?" he plucked up the courage to ask her one more time before walking out.

"I'm fine! Go."

Meredith brought her hands to her face as soon as she was alone in her office. Stepping beyond the boundaries of professional relationship with Derek Shepherd was a big mistake that was now taking its toll on her, on her authority as a Chief, on her relations with the few people that supported her and on her sanity. Why was the dark-haired surgeon affecting her so much? And why did he keep pestering her while she conveniently gave him an out? She rubbed her temples absentmindedly, it was going to be a long day.

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Several hours later, Meredith was even astounded herself how crappy her day was. The night filled with hot sex was catching up on her. She was sore and worn out and she had a lot to do. Major Owen Hunt, whom she wanted to see as her head of trauma did arrive for the meeting. However, it didn't run as smoothly as she expected. Hunt had serious problems and she wasn't even sure he was fit for the post. But her instincts were telling her to give him a chance. Not that she should trust her instincts again after the mistake of the previous night. But she did anyway. Owen resembled her in many a way. He was confident, reliable and… a little bit broken. He was also strong-headed and that already caused friction between him and his new colleagues, especially Derek Shepherd, whom he threw out of the OR.

As if it wasn't enough, Meredith had to deal with the issue of her punctured car. The two officers that came to her rescue the previous day, appeared at the hospital this morning with a warrant. They collected the security tapes, so hopefully the identity of the bastard that had maimed her Porsche would be revealed soon. Meredith was certain it was one of her subordinates, one of her arrogant, self-righteous subordinates; someone who was going to regret their acts. If only the police called in today with the name of the culprit… It would be the highlight of her day, she thought as the elevator door opened and Meredith stepped inside, followed by a crowd of people.

Being enclosed in a tiny box with people who loathed you, fun! Meredith strode to the back of the elevator before she realized that someone was already there, leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face. Karma hated her. She turned away from him with a glare. Derek Shepherd wouldn't do anything before the eyes of all these people… right? Yet, he was impulsive and he clearly found it difficult to keep his emotions on leash too.

Even before the lift started to go up, she knew, almost instinctively, his next move. And then she felt him getting closer and closer. She could feel the heat radiating from his body, or was it her own warmth, elicited by his proximity? They weren't practically touching in the proper sense of this word. But if she moved back a tiniest little bit, she would press herself flush against his hard torso. He leaned in delicately nuzzling her hair, breathing her in. Goose bumps erupted all over her skin; her breath hitched and her neurons were working on the overdrive carrying the information about their sweet contact through her body, going to her head.

"Stop that," she breathed out weakly, careful not to attract the attention of the other occupants of the elevator.

"Stop what?" he whispered back. He brought his hands to her shoulders and passed them down her arms ever so lightly.

Meredith bit her lip to stifle the moan that threatened to escape her throat. It was amazing how he could set her on fire without touching her skin.

"You're sexually harassing me," she gritted through her teeth. They were walking on thin ice. If the hospital gossip mill got wind of their unfortunate affair, her career as a Chief would be over. Thank God, everyone around was too engrossed in conversation to pay any attention to what was going in the back.

"I'm riding an elevator," his hot breath tickled her earlobe.

"Next time take the stairs," she hissed as the lift halted and she wasted no time throwing herself towards the exit, bumping people on her way.

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Derek Shepherd commenced his morning livid and humiliated like never before, yet as the day went by, his ire gradually dissipated. Meredith was visibly as affected by what transpired between them as him. She chastised him for his suggestive comments but the truth was that sexually charged hints rolled off her tongue with equal ease. And she involuntarily reacted to his touch, to his mere presence.

He knew that confrontation simply had to occur, sooner or later and he set his mind to make it sooner. She could shout, scream obscenities at him and kick as much as she liked. He would bring down that mask she disguised herself with, the coldness she used to protect herself against… against what exactly, he didn't know. Meredith Grey intrigued him to no end. He wanted to solve the puzzle she was. And to be honest, he wanted her, badly. He was insatiable for her body. He needed to have her again or he would know no rest.

His plans were difficult to put in motion as the object of his obsession decided, undoubtedly with clear purpose, to be extremely elusive. When they bumped into each other, she always made certain that she had a practicable escape route or that they were in company.

One thing was certain though. Derek Shepherd was a man of determination, both in his professional and private life. Meredith Grey linked the two spheres together which meant his efforts would be twofold. That was the reason why he stalked outside her office all evening, intent on securing a moment alone with her.

It took him a few seemingly innocent walks near her office but his pains were finally rewarded. It was late when Derek saw Meredith's secretary, Patricia leave her post, finishing her day. Meredith was probably going to work longer making up for being late. He slipped soundlessly into her office and locked the door. He was in luck; she was standing with her back to him browsing through some papers on her desk and didn't notice his stealthy entrance.

He halted near the door and scanned her figure. She had to be tired as her high heels lay forgotten, her bare feet plunging into the carpet. Suddenly, as though she had felt she wasn't alone in the room, she turned back. Her eyes went wide at the sight of him and the documents she held in her hands spilled onto the floor. She quickly crouched down to gather them back, trying desperately to come up with a clever way to get rid of him.

"Who do you think you are?" she glared at him while he stepped closer to her but didn't make a move to help her. "You have no right whatsoever to enter my office unannounced! Walk out-"

"And knock?" Derek cut in. "I don't think so. I'm done being shoved around."

"What the hell do you want, you crazy stalker?" she yelled, redressing herself and taking a step back to enlarge the distance between them.

"If I'm crazy that's because you're driving me so," he said as his eyes darkened. He was determined start with a conversation but he didn't know if he possessed enough self-control.

"I'm driving you crazy?" she shouted, her heart beating madly. "Then why the fuck don't you let me off the hook? Why are you even here? You got into my pants, I'm not trying to make you declare your undying devotion. Why don't you take advantage and get your ass out of here?"

He carefully pondered on his next words, "One night is not enough for me."

"Oh really," she spat. "Pity you don't have a voice in this matter! I'm asking you again, who do you think you are? You've got to be kidding yourself thinking I'm going to spread my legs for you ever again!"

Wrong Meredith! She knew that as soon as she pronounced her bold statement. Instead of putting him off, it apparently enticed him even more. So did her, she was soaking wet again, just like every time her eyes rested on him today.

"Don't trouble yourself with that" he said huskily with a smirk on his lips. "I'll spread them for you."

He was never this arrogant and forward with anyone. Meredith Grey woke up his primal instincts, overruling any reason. He didn't think much as he unceremoniously hoisted her, placing her on the desk and hooking her legs around his waist. With a surprised scream, she tried to fight against his audacious assault but her fists clutched at the thin material of his scrubs instead of pushing him away.

He looked into her eyes finding in them what he was searching for – pure desire that mirrored his own. His eyes swept over her heaving breasts and the hitched skirt.

He attacked her lips greedily forcing his tongue into her mouth. He died and went straight to heaven when she reciprocated the kiss with equal zeal. He unabashedly slid her panties listening to her small whimpers of anticipation.

"I don't have ohhhh!" she tried to say with the last remnants of reason but Derek didn't let her finish, finding a particularly sensitive spot on her neck.

"Now, who's not ready, Dr. Grey?" he taunted, magically producing a condom from his pocket.

"What?" she cupped his chin to make him look at her. "How dare you coming here so sure you'd get lucky?"

"Good that I did, I'd say," he answered cockily. Not breaking their kiss, he murmured into her mouth, "No foreplay… we've had enough of it all day."

He quickly shed his pants and boxers and slipped into her in one swift motion.

"Oh God!" she moaned weaving her fingers into his black curls. She knew her all day pent up passion would finally find its release.

It was pure bliss for him to keep thrusting into her slippery warmth harder and faster by the second, hitting her cervix repeatedly. He was rough but he knew she enjoyed it as she raised her hips to meets his. Nothing mattered except the feeling of her body tensing up under his fingers and her walls clenching around his hardness.

Thanks to the lateness of the hour and a bit of luck, no one happened to walk past Meredith's office as the whimpers, moans, screams and other inarticulate sounds that escaped their throats during their pleasurable joining would cause more than a curious frown on any passerby.

Soon after sending her over the edge, he followed her letting out a satisfied growl. They remained joined spiraling down from their respective orgasms until Meredith opened her eyes to assess the surrounding reality, from the objects fallen to the floor from her desk to the state of their partial undress. Her eyes roved around as if they belonged to a deer in headlights. She tried to extricate herself from his embrace but this time he stood his ground.

"Dr. Grey," he addressed her formally not willing to take a wrong step. "Dr. Grey!"

"Let go of me!" she kept fidgeting desperately. "Someone might come in!"

"No one will come in!" he reasoned with her patiently. "I locked the door."

"You… you did what? Get-"

"Dr. Grey, why do you keep fighting me?" he demanded boring into her eyes. "I know you want this so why are pushing me away? Contrary to what you seem to be thinking, it wasn't my ambition to get into your pants, or skirt, for that matter."

"It's completely unprofessional," she replied with a firm voice, stilling in his arms. "I'm the Chief of Surgery, you're running one of the departments. It was a mistake of the highest caliber to start this thing. I should've known better. This is-"

"This is perfectly fine," Derek cut her categorically. "We're a little past Middle Ages, you know. We're both adults, what we do doesn't affect our work so it's not anyone's business but ours."

"Listen once and for all, Derek Shepherd, I'm striving for a little respect in this hospital," she said truthfully. "I'd even lost that tiny portion I gained, if this was ever to get out."

"Who says it has to get out?" argued Derek. All he knew at that moment was that he wouldn't let her push him away. He felt an indescribable emptiness at the sole perspective.

"Neurogod screwing Dr. Model, how would that stay put?" she laughed bitterly.

"The question's rather how would that get out. We're the only people in the know," he said, making to pick up his discarded pants.

"Are we really?" she smirked tightening her legs around him, effectively blocking his moves. "You want to convince me you haven't boasted to your boyfriend?"

"No, I haven't," he sighed rolling his eyes, "and I'm not going to."

Meredith looked at him warily. "You said it wasn't your ambition to get into my pants. Then why are you chasing me?"

"Do you intend to grill me with my pants down?" he joked.

"What are you, embarrassed?" she cocked her eyebrow, while her eyes grazed appreciatively his manhood. "No reason to be."

"Thanks, he grinned but added sobering up. "You and me, it's not the chase… It's your tiny ineffectual fists… your hair…"

"My hair?" she asked letting her guards down. This kind of sweet lovey-dovey conversation wasn't her thing. She was scared as hell and a voice in her head screamed that she was a fool diving headfirst into this huge mess. But the man in front of her… he was something else. She lived according to the rule of no regrets. She had to make sure that walking away from him wouldn't leave her with second thoughts.

"Your hair… smells nice," he murmured, "and there's something in your eyes that intrigues me. I don't know what, some kind of fire that makes it impossible not to look at you."

"I… I don't do relationships," she confessed. "I'm not this girl."

"It's not a marriage proposal," said Derek. "Why don't we.. try and see where this goes? If we're not able to stand each other, we'll end this, with no hard feelings."

"We can… keep this light, right?" she asked guardedly. "Like… fun, you know?"

"We'll keep this light," he agreed, sparks of exuberance already running down his spine.

"No screwing any sluts right and left, though," she warned him, narrowing her eyes menacingly.

"Of course not," he grinned. "You're a handful enough as it is."

"And not a word to anyone or you'll be begging for a lobotomy before I finish off with you," she threatened.

"So, are you in, Dr. Grey?" he breathed.

Out of a sudden, she pushed him and he staggered back. She maneuvered him in her chair and straddled his lap, welcoming his length inside her.

"Ohhh, yes!" she moaned. "And you are too… Derek..."


	9. Chapter 9: Into The Light

A/N Hi, thanks a lot for all your comments! I'm sorry if there are any spelling mistakes in this chapter, I edited and posted it in a hurry.

I'm thinking about changing the rating to M but I still don't know how porny this story will be overall. Well, this chapter definitely deserves higher rating… Don't know how completely innocent scenes get so steamy after all. Must be my porny mind :) So, let me remind you that MerDer are "in"… Enjoy!

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Meredith put her hands on her hips and exhaled deeply blowing a stray strand of hair away from her face. Another second and she would drown in the raging sea of testosterone before her. She was asked here to mediate the conflict, not make for audience to three surgeons with overblown... egos.  
Her eyes swept involuntarily over Derek Shepherd's nether regions. She quickly looked up to realize he caught her in the act. His facial expression didn't change one iota but the eyes... oh, the eyes, they were hypnotic dark blue.

A whole month passed since their truce and their mutual desire still remained insatiable. Every new day, Meredith was more and more amazed that the fire didn't yet burn out. If anything, it was even stronger. Maybe it was because of the sneaking. They were really good sneakers. After the whole thirty days of doing each other wherever possible, their relationship still remained secret from absolutely everyone, including Addison.

"In a trauma situation, every second counts," Owen Hunt's argumentative voice reached her porny brain. "I do what is necessary to keep my patient alive-"

"I don't know what qualifies Seattle Grace as warzone, Hunt," Mark Sloan interrupted sarcastically, "our undermanned gift shop or the lukewarm drinks from the coffee cart?"

"You almost maimed a guy for the rest of his life," cut in Derek. "You're lucky I saved the blood supply-"

Authoritative angry Derek was hot, so incredibly impossibly hot… but it was enough unless she wanted to start drooling in the public eye.

"Enough!" spat Meredith attracting the attention of the three males who cringed despite the fact that each of them was at least a head taller now that she was in her scrubs and flat shoes.. "I've been listening to your whining for the past month and I'm sick and tired of it! You're worse than children in the playground!"

"That-" started Derek.

"You're not talking when I'm talking," Meredith silenced him effectively. "Act like adults. If you're in disagreement, talk it out, discuss it instead of jumping to each other's throats. If you need help, ask for it. If you're asked for help, give it. I don't want to see you sulking over the place ever again or plotting against each other in supply closets," her eyes rested briefly on Derek's. "From now on, I want to see you spread happy love all around. I'm a busy woman, don't disturb my work for no reason."

With that she scooted off hoping that she managed to convey her message to Derek.

"God, I love how she rides those cowboys," said Cristina leaning against the counter watching Shepherd, Sloan and Hunt disperse throwing awkward looks at each other.

Miranda raised her eyebrows in mild surprise.

"Eh, don't get me wrong," hurried Cristina. "I hate the witch but at least it's fun to watch her kick their asses. Plus, I need optimistic priming. I'm scrubbing in with her. I don't know why she pages me every time she needs a cardio consult... wait a minute!" she exclaimed anxiously. "Do you think she might be... ?"

"What?" asked Miranda disinterestedly.

"You know, into girls," frowned Cristina with a shudder. "Maybe the hot bitch image and everything's just a big cover."

"No, I don't think so," said Bailey shifting her gaze at Shepherd who followed the way Dr. Grey took a few minutes ago with a smile on his face and a fresh spring in his step.

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Making sure that his face betrayed nothing but cool professionalism, Derek crossed the whole length of the corridor and inconspicuously slipped to the supply closet. Immediately, he was assaulted by a pair of hands that wove around his neck and lips that started raining kisses on his chin. With the last streak of self-restraint, he reached behind to lock the door and then faster than lighting, his palms were glued to the hips of his attacker, pressing them closer to his groin.

"I was afraid you didn't get my message," panted Meredith grazing his earlobe with her teeth.

He chuckled lightly untying the string on her scrub pants.

"Impossible... All day, every day... I think... only... about... this..." he managed to say in between the kisses with which he showered her neck.

"Tell me what do you think about?" she whispered diving her hands under his scrub top, impatient to feel his taut muscles under her fingers.

"Oh, God, Mer," he moaned as her hand traced the path of coarse dark hair disappearing under his waistband. "That... would be epic. I have... cordotomy at two... need to... quick..."

"Quickie," agreed Meredith. "You… telling me later... or better... demonstrating..."

Her growled and reversed their positions so that now she was the one pinned to the door. He gripped her thighs and lifted her in the air immersing himself deep within her.

"Love... to... show you all night long..." he grunted pushing inside her fervently. "Your place?"

"Ohhhh... can't," breathed out Meredith struggling to meet his thrusts. "Addison... in..."

"God.... why is she always..." stammered Derek feeling her walls start to clench around him. The conversation hung up for a while as their bodies shook with pleasure and their lips met in a wild kiss to prevent their screams.

"She... she lives there," said Meredith with a trembling voice as he released her to the ground.

"Can't she... get her own place?" sighed Derek putting his pants back on.

"She will," replied Meredith dryly, fixing her hair. "Until then she's staying with me. I'm not going to throw her out so that you can get laid. She's my best friend."

"Sometimes she acts more like your mother," commented Derek lightly.

"What?" exclaimed Meredith tensing up.

"She's your best friend and yet you're keeping secrets from her," he shrugged off. "We can't spend a night at your house because you're worried how Addison would react. When you have a free night, you go home because Addison would ask where you went-"

" She'd ask questions," said uneasily Meredith. "She... she would be worried.. look, she's more like a sister to me. We've helped each other lots of times... and... she would be worried... " she trailed off with a feeling that she said too much. They did help each other a lot, Addison probably more than Meredith. "It's not like you're all that eager to go to your place!" she charged on him instead.

"I live... far from the centre," frowned Derek uncomfortably.

"Yeah, right," snorted sarcastically Meredith. "What do you have to hide, Derek? A wife? A bunch of kids in a Victorian mansion in the suburbs? I would have thought all those things ages ago if I hadn't read your personal files."

"Don't be ridiculous," he snapped.

"You're calling me ridiculous?" she asked dangerously.

"Sorry," he ran his hand through his hair. "I'm just... frustrated. I want to spend more time with you, is that too much to ask? Why don't we go to a hotel?"

"I'm not your exclusive whore!" she hissed. "Besides, someone might see us- Why... why are we even arguing about this? We're keeping it light, remember? See you later, Dr. Shepherd" She unlocked the door and cautiously walked outside.

Derek didn't understand anything. How could he if she didn't said a word? Meredith had to be careful not to rise any suspicion on Addison's part. She would go on over-protective mode if she noticed something was off. Derek couldn't understand that. He didn't know the story of her life, her dark and twisty secrets. And she wasn't going to fill him in anytime soon. He would run for the hills. She didn't want him to run just yet. He was... sex… and fun. He brought a thrill to her existence. She would make him run when she didn't need him anymore.

Derek leaned dejectedly against the door, waiting a few minutes to walk out from the closet. He knew his reluctance to take Meredith to his place must look fishy, to put it mildly. But how was he supposed to tell her that he lived in a trailer in the wilderness? She was an exquisite woman. She would call him insane all the time laughing her perfect ass off at him. That was the reaction he always got. It never bothered him but it was Meredith… He desperately didn't want to drive her off. He didn't want to keep it light forever, he wanted a real shot. They could be extraordinary together.

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"I must say I was disappointed not to see any research project of your authorship," said Meredith as she and Cristina Yang were scrubbing out of their procedure.

Cristina's face was impassive as if carved in stone but inside she was boiling.

"Apparently, it wasn't good enough. I t wasn't workable."

"You can't know that before putting theory in practice," reasoned Meredith. Dr. Yang was one of the most promising surgeons on her team but constantly overshadowed by the head of her department She was the future of Seattle Grace and Meredith needed to find the incentives to keep her here, she needed to make her more active.

"Dr. Hahn reviewed my project and we both agreed it wasn't realistic." It was enough that Hahn mauled her ideas, she didn't need Dr. Model to do it again.

Aha, there was a part of the problem. Erica Hahn could compete in the ego category with her mother, eternal know-it-all, putting herself above everyone around. Why Cristina Yang was letting her do that was beyond her, though. The young cardiosurgeon was strong-headed, opinionated, knowing her worth.

"Next time you will present your ideas directly to me," stated Meredith and walked to the elevator where she was joined by Addie.

"We live together but it feels like we haven't seen each other for ages," said Addison taking off her scrub cap.

"I've been a little absent, I know," sighed Meredith, trying to sound natural. "Being Chief... it's a lot of work. I'm sorry I haven't been the best friend lately but I'll always find the time to listen you out. You okay?"

"I'm good," frowned Addie. "Are _you_?"

"Me? I'm good too. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you tell me," Addison turned to look at her. "There is something about you... something that doesn't add up..."

"Addie," sighed Meredith. "I don't know what's got you worrying but you can stop. Everything's fine."

"Meredith, I don't want-"

"You won't have to go and look for me," huffed Meredith. "I promise! "I'm not a stupid irresponsible kid anymore!"

"I'm sorry," admitted Addie massaging her forehead. "I didn't intend to make reproaches or bring it all up. You would tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"I would," assured Meredith. What was going on in her life definitely wasn't wrong...

"Good," nodded Addison. "You're heading home tonight? We could have a girls' evening."

"The manwhore- er, McSteamy is resisting being tamed?"

"Am I unattractive? Do I look like a rag so he doesn't see the point in putting more effort?"

"He's just... manwhore," replied Meredith.

The door of the elevator opened and Derek walked in purposefully brushing against Meredith's arm giving her an insecure look. He didn't know where they stood exactly after their little argument and it was troubling his mind. Before the door could close back George O'Malley squeezed in stopping dead at the entrance reluctant to ride the elevator with Derek.

"Are you joining us?" asked Meredith tapping her foot impatiently.

"I... I just wanted to tell you that Mr. Dandridge called while you were in surgery. He asked to pass you a message that he'd like to discuss his donation if you're free this evening."

Way to go, George, thought Meredith. Of course, he had to pass the message in front of the last two people she'd like to know about Finn's invitation. Addison would be... Addison, harassing her to no end. Whereas Derek… she remembered his reaction when Finn visited her in Grace the first time.

"I'll call him myself," said Meredith. "Is that all?"

"Er, no," George quickly turned to Addison. "Dr. Montgomery, there's a document you need to sign, it's the list..."

"Say no," Derek leaned in pretending to read a brochure on the bulletin board, making sure Addison and George wouldn't hear him.

"What?" whispered back Meredith.

"Say no to that stiff," repeated urgently Derek. "Let's... let's go to my place..." He still wasn't eager to take Meredith Grey to his trailer in the middle of nowhere but the situation was calling for desperate measures. The thought of her going out with another man was unbearable. "What do you say-"

"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," said George and stepped out of the elevator which started to go up.

"So, the cute vet..." winked Addie suggestively.

"Mhm."

"Are you gonna accept the invitation?" asked Addie. "I know we were going to have girls' night in but you should go, have some fun."

"You're right," nodded Meredith smiling mischievously. "I'm going."

"Have a great evening, Mer. I'm waiting for details later," Adie gave her an encouraging and a little envious smile and hopped off the lift, followed by Meredith and Derek.

"You're not going anywhere," he hissed behind her.

"Excuse me?" she said sharply but giggling inwardly. He was furious, very hot. She definitely had to let him take her wherever he lived.

"Over my dead body will you go with that scrawny ass."

"Dr. Shepherd!" she silenced him with a warning in her voice. They were once again attracting the attention of the entire surgical floor. Though Meredith couldn't really complain. The two of them had numerous little fights and spats, the majority of which turned out to be an amazing foreplay. But their fellow surgeons didn't know that. Their fellow surgeons unanimously concluded that Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd hated each other's guts.

"I'm going out," she told him firmly watching his eyes darken, "and that is why at 7 p.m. on the dot, I'll be at the northern gate to the parking lot waiting for you to pick me. Just be discreet."

"I... okay," he bit his lip to prevent the huge relieved smile spreading on his face.

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"Are we there yet?" asked Meredith petulantly as they drove into the region of the bay.

"No," chuckled Derek. "And we're not much closer than we were ten seconds ago when you posed that question for the last time."

"We're taking a ferryboat?" she scrunched her face as they turned into the driveway to get aboard.

"Yep, you have to keep your patience a little longer," said Derek turning off the engine and relaxing in his seat. "You want to go outside?"

"No," she replied quickly. "We'd better stay. There's a chance someone might see us."

"Right," Derek rolled his eyes hooking his hands behind the headboard. "Then we can talk."

"Talk?" breathed Meredith. She didn't want to talk. Talking was bad because talking usually involved lamenting the crappy and celebrating the happy moments of their lives.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Addison's still thinking you're on a date with the vet?"

"I'd rather not talk about lying to my fake sister, thank you very much," she replied dryly and changed the subject. "What do you think about Cristina Yang?"

"Is... that a tricky question?" frowned Derek. "If you're suggesting that there's something between-"

"Relax!" she stopped him. "I was asking what did you think of her as a doctor and as a person, not a woman."

"Okay," he said slowly. "She's... tough and annoying but she's an amazing doctor."

"I heard she was Preston Burke's favourite resident."

"Actually, she was more than that," sighed Derek reminiscing past events. "They were going to get married."

"Seriously? What happened?"

"Like gossiping much, huh?" chuckled Derek.

"Not gossiping," argued Meredith. "Completing psychological profile of my employee."

"Oh, right," he smiled. "Burke left her at the altar. It hit her pretty hard."

"What? Impossible" exclaimed Meredith. "He's so detached and collected. I would never picture him getting involved in some romance drama!"

"You've met him?"

"I was at the Avery awards gala a year ago."

So, that was it. That was what forced Cristina Yang into submission. A romantic relationship that backfired on her. Meredith tensed at the realization but relaxed instantaneously. She wasn't going to end up like that. They were keeping it light, no strings attached, let alone weddings.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek broke a moment of silence looking at her softly.

"I..." she cleared her throat. "I'm thinking that I have to kick an intern from the program for the first time."

"So, you're doing it?" sighed Derek.

"Yes, I'm doing it," she confirmed. "And I'm ready to hear how horrible a person I am I don't care."

"I just think everybody deserves a chance."

"So do I," answered heatedly Meredith. She understood it like nobody else. "And he got that chance. It's not my fault he flunked it. A teacher can only do as much, teach and guide. The ball was in his court. He decided to kick it out of the playing field. That's it."

A few days after the security tapes were officially collected, the police came back with picture of the person who cut her tyres, whom Meredith recognized as Dr. Jacobs, the intern that disrespected her on her first day. On her orders his resident kept a close watch on him and it turned out his work was less than satisfying which resulted in more scut and clinic work. So he vented his frustration with the chief on her car. Against her better judgment, she didn't make a formal complaint; she put him on a month's probation, precisely because she knew everyone deserved a second chance. Not everybody could use it wisely, though. He was immature, he lacked the humane qualities that the job of a doctor absolutely required. His sloppy work made her wonder if he didn't cheat his way into the program by any chance. Still, the whole affair was throwing her in a bad mood.

"Don't question my decisions as the chief, Derek," she warned him.

"I'm not," he said calmly.

"You totally are," she rolled her eyes. "If it was down to you, you would keep him forever. Out of mercy or something. You're such a... old softie."

"I beg your pardon?" he whipped his head at her indignantly. "That's just... inaccurate!"

She grinned slyly at his mock-horrified expression.

"I'm not old! "he huffed. "It's just that you are a foetus! And as for softie, I'll be happy to prove otherwise. Any time!"

"You sure will," she smirked provocatively.

"Somehow I've never heard you complain over the past month," he argued.

"You're probably living on caffeine or energizing drinks or," she shook with muffled laughter "or..."

"You did not just say that," gasped Derek. "oh, you'vre got it coming!"

"Promises, promises... "sighed Meredith and squealed as Derek unbuckled his seatbelt and lunged himself at her, kissing her breathless. His hand went to her breast on his own accord and the things would hace certianly progressed beyond all control if they hadn't been interrupted by insistent tapping on the windscreen. They sprang from each other to see a young woman holding a toddler in her arms.

"Honestly, there are children around!" she said with an outraged voice. Her eyes swept over the very prominent bulge in Derek's pants. "Perverts!"

Derek groaned putting a hand over his eyes as Meredith giggled," At least you made your point."

"Meredith," he whined seriously. "If you don't want a fine for public indecency then, please, stop talking."

''I'm going back on what I said earlier," commented Meredith."We're teenagers, both of us.''

The rest of the ride passed in incessant teasing and impatient waiting. Soon they joined the motorway out of the city and the buildings become scarce.

'''When are we going to get there? Do you live in the woods or what?" chuckled Meredith.

Derek didn't answer as he stared carefully at the dark road before them. Taking Meredith to his trailer seemed now a ludicrous idea but it was too late to back out.

"You... you do live in the woods '"she said disbelievingly, correctly 'interpreting his silence.

Derek took the pathway leading to his trailer and pulled up. They slowly got out of the car, Derek glancing nerously at Meredith, trying to gauge her reaction.

''You live in a trailer," she said in wonder, turning to look at him. "Derek Shepherd, you live in a trailer in the woods."

"Yeah," he nodded dejectedly. That was it. She was going to hate it, call him a carefree idiot…

But somehow, miraculously, a smile crept upon her features, a radiant smile that spread all over her face and even managed to warm him up. He watched in amazement as she slipped off her high-heels stepping barefoot on the damp grass and reached her hand towards him. A huge burden was lifted off his was incredible, she simply took his breath away.

He laced his fingers with hers and they stumbled together into the trailer. They wasted no time in shedding the clothes that limited their bodies' passionate dance. The dance full of ravenous kisses, light pecks, gentle needy caresseses, lascivious moans and uninhibited cries. The dance that forbade their bodies to part even for a second. The dance they reprised all night over and over again until the sky started to take up the rosy hue of down.

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Meredith's eyes checked open and she blinked several times to register her surroundings. She experienced a moment of panic at the unfamiliarity of the room. But then, she became conscious of the arm draped lazily over her waist and long warm body spooning her from behind. Derek... she was in Derek's trailer. She was in Derek's embrace and it felt kind of perfect, not squashing her lungs but imprisoning her all the same. She could get used to it... that was as long as she felt the lust for him.

Her throat felt dry from vocalizing her pleasure into the night but she didn't move a muscle to get up. She was drinking in the moment, tThe feel of his body against her. He was still sleeping, breathing evenly.

This couldn't be earth, it looked so ethanol. The silence was absolute, well, broken from time to time by a distant song of some bird. Meredith's vision followed the path off incandescent sunrays penetrating the interior of the theiler through the slits in the blinds. Minute particles of dust basked in the golden beams which seemed to set on fire everything on their way. A war could be waged around and they wouldn't know it, protected by the lush vegetation.

Meredith smiled at the sight of the abandoned comforter warming the floor instead of their bodies. She wondered how they even ended up in bed this time. Her attention went back to her lover for he seemed to be waking up. She noticed a change in his respiration and he squirmed a little. Oh, one part of him was definitely waking up faster than others. They pleasured each other so many times last month and last night but she felt the familiar violent twinge of desire all over again as his hardening length nestled itself naturedly between her thighs. Her hips ground back

against him on her own accord. He grunted and returned to consciousness.

"Good morning," he whispered bringing his lips to her neck in a long sloppy kiss, the tip of his penis rubbing her clit.

"It is a good morning," she moaned caressing his forearm.

"And it gets even better," he murmured softly sleeping inside her.

Meredith wouldn't believe that the sex between them could get any better than it already was. Yet this was indescribable, this feverish giving and taking in a secluded land between dream and wakefulness in the rays of the rising sun. But what was most important was him, his embrace, his scent, his thrusts.

"The night was too short," she groaned stretching widely as their breathing returned to normal.

"Definitely," he whispered burying his head in the valley between her breasts. "Let's call in sick and stay here..."

"Seriously," she chuckled. "You've just told your boss you're using false excuses not to go to work."

"Are you going to punish me, Chief?" he asked daringly. "Spank me maybe?"

Her breath hitched in her throat as she heard him use the title of the Chief.

"Maybe later," she sighed reluctantly. "I am the Chief and as such have to be at work today."

"No!" he whined.

"Yes," she grinned massaging his scalp through his dark locks. "But I won't say no to a shower together. You can't have a large supply of water here."

"Fine," he agreed rolling off her. "We'll have a shower. I'll make you some breakfast and drive you in to the city."

"Don't you have a free morning?"

"That's okay-"

"Derek, no," she refused softly. "I need to go home to change and we can't be seen together at hospital nor near my house. "I'm calling for a cab."

Derek didn't pursue the topic any further. He knew that coming up with any argument with her was pointless as it only made her more stubborn.

"You have the window open all the time?" she changed the subject to lighten up the mood and crawled out of bed to pick up her clothes from the floor.

"I guess I forgot to close it when I was setting off for work yesterday," he muttered absentmindedly standing up from the bed.

"It's like leaving an invitation for thieves."

"They'd have to be escaped convicts to wander this far off."

"Raccoons then. Trust me, you don't want them get cosy inside of your trailer."

"You sound like the one living in a trailer," joked Derek moving up to the minuscule bathroom.

Meredith stifled in her movements, kneading clothes in her hands. She wasn't living in a trailer...

"Meredith?" he asked looking at her.

"What?" she asked guardedly.

"So, do you like camping?" Somehow he didn't think so.

She just shrugged her shoulders.

"Have you lived in a trailer?"

"Why do you ask?" she inquired slowly picking the last items of her clothing from the floor.

"I'm curious."

"Curious? Why are you curious?"

"I... we're getting to know each other. I want to know things about you."

"We're not getting to know each other," she stated firmly starting to get dressed. "We're fucking each other."

"Meredith-"

"You know, I need to get to work. I'm taking your car, you call the cab." She quickly took the keys and bolted to the door not letting Derek a chance to speak.

"Derek... "she hesitated opening the door. "You don't want to know things about me."

"I do," he argued.

"Believe me, you don't," she shook her head. "I'll leave the car near Joe's and the keys at your office."

"You can't stay for the shower?" he asked hopefully.

"We're keeping it light, don't forget that, Derek."

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A/N So, unbeknownst to them, and especially to Meredith, their light relationship turns into something deeper. I really hope you liked the chapter, waiting for your reviews!

Have a good week,

Em


	10. Chapter 10: Get To Know You

A/N Hi! Can you believe I have an update for you? My first MerDer fanfic is almost finished so now I'll have decidedly more writing time to share between this story and "Between Black And White". I hope you'll enjoy the update, MerDer relationship is taking a new turn.

It's been over a month since the last update so you might want to reread its ending. This chapter takes place directly after that.

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Meredith parked Derek's car several houses from her own and went through the remaining distance on foot. Addie might not be able to recognize the owner of the vehicle but she would certainly ask questions what happened to her own car and why she returned home in someone else's after a night out.

Meredith crept into the house making as little noise as possible and tiptoed across the hall.

"The evening rocked, I take it?" Addie's amused voice made her freeze before reaching the staircase.

Meredith winced and slowly turned to face her best friend, standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a carton of milk in her hands.

"Sorry, I thought you'd still be asleep," Mer attempted to justify her sneaky entrance.

"You sure did," laughed Addie disappearing into the kitchen. "Or rather, you thought you'd skip into the house unnoticed and keep all the juicy details to yourself."

Meredith rolled her eyes and followed Addison, "There are no juicy details."

"You're back home in the morning after an all-night-long date with a hot vet and there are no juicy details. Who do you take me for, Mer? So, spill. Was it any good?"

Meredith climbed the barstool stalling for time. Good? That was an understatement of the century. She had a few other more fitting epithets in mind… like incredible, mind-blowing, superporny, orgasmic… How could it be not with her godlike lover? Didn't he have stamina… she throbbed like mad at the sole memory.

"It was fine," she muttered instead, looking at her hands.

"Fine? Details! I need details!" demanded Addie placing a hot cup of coffee before her.

"Uhm, we had dinner," made up Meredith, "in some fancy restaurant. We talked a bit…" Oh, she was getting closer to the truth… They used their tongues… a lot.

"The evening ended pretty early." Yeah, right, she had the longest and most intensive orgasm in her life, "and then I got back to the hospital," she added seeing the red-head's surprised expression.

"Meredith," sighed Addie shaking her head.

"What?"

"The chief thing is demanding you don't have a life outside the hospital anymore."

"What's wrong with a life inside the hospital?" Meredith bit back defensively.

"Nothing at all," Addison brushed off. "Look, I know you're cautious, I shouldn't have brought everything up yesterday. You're cautious and that's good but there's nothing wrong with letting someone get to know you."

Get to know you… _"We're getting to know each other,"_ Derek's voice reverberated in her brain.

"Do you like that guy?" asked Addie gently.

Meredith nodded, Derek never leaving her thoughts.

"Then let him in," encouraged her Addie. "Spend some time with him."

"I'll have a shower before I get back to Grace," she got to her feet and walked out.

"Or you'll end up like your mother, lonely and bitter…" muttered Addie under her breath.

"I heard that!" yelled Meredith from the stairs. She felt awful lying to her fake sister. There was no logical reason why she kept the fact that it was Derek Shepherd she was involved with, not Finn Dandridge. But it was easier this way, less demanding, less binding. What she didn't know, however, was that her best friend of thirteen years knew to read her reactions too well to be easily fooled and was determined to get to the bottom of her suspicious behavior.

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Meredith scanned the document for the last time and picked the pen to pass her signature. An incomprehensible mumble that came out of the mouth of her intern halted her hand.

"Excuse me?" she asked sternly. She wanted this meeting over and done with so the stinging feeling of failure would go away.

"You're really doing this," Dr. Jacobs, no, Mr. Jacobs breathed out disbelievingly.

"Did you think I was telling you a really bad joke?" snorted Meredith. "I wasn't."

"I worked hard to get here-"

"I'm not denying that," she cut him across. "But you didn't work had to stay here, which you would know, had you listened to what I said to you."

Meredith signed the file in two copies, one which was handed to the now former intern.

"I guess everything has been said," stated Meredith standing up and letting him know that the meeting came to an end. "I wish you all the best in the future, Mr. Jacobs."

She opened the door for him and he walked out dejectedly.

"You… you don't even know me," he stated indignantly.

"Goodbye, Mr. Jacobs"

He opened his mouth to protest but seemed to realize in time that all resistance was futile. He turned on his heal and stormed off, soon to be joined by his fellow interns, curious to learn his fate.

"I wouldn't beat myself up too much about that," Miranda Bailey appeared soundlessly at her side.

"I'm not," assured airily Meredith.

"You're not," repeated Bailey.

"He said I didn't know him," took up Meredith pensively. What was it today with people and their need to know each other?

"Which is probably right," shrugged Miranda, "as well as his own fault."

"Is it?" Meredith faced the shorter woman.

"We're not clairvoyants," drawled Miranda. "We need noticeable proofs that the people we teach want to learn. If we don't know Mr. Jacobs, that is all his doing. He didn't make the effort to show he was any different than we thought. He wasted his chance."

Meredith's heart beat faster. A wasted chance… She adamantly claimed that all she was doing with Derek was fucking around. She shoved it down his face. Was she wasting any chances?

"The foolishness of that kid," Bailey still ranted about the intern. "My own interns didn't do such things, and that's saying something."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey. You'll excuse me; I have a lot of paperwork," she said hastily and locked herself in her office under Miranda's suspicious look.

She leaned back against the door. She didn't want to waste anything; it was not in accordance to her credo. But could she do otherwise?

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"Meredith!"

She groaned inwardly and stopped in her tracks hearing Finn calling her name. She liked him, no mistake about it, but she had no energy nor will to come up with excuses to him. Plus, he could unmask her lie to Addie and throw Derek into a raging fit.

"Finn," she faked a smile and joined him, "I'm sorry I didn't call last night, I was insanely busy."

"I understand," he assured with a charming smile. "You're a busy woman. How about now? Do you have a minute?"

"I-"

"Mer!" Addie appeared out of nowhere. "Mr. Dandridge, nice to see you again. Are you taking Meredith out again? She told me she enjoyed last night."

Oh, she could kill Addison and her good intentions right now, with her bare surgically skilful hands.

She threw a pleading look at Finn, who seemed to cotton on despite his bewilderment. "I.. yes, I had a wonderful time myself."

"Glad to hear it!" smiled warmly Addison though she sensed something weird going on between him and her best friend. "Meredith needs fun. She's been all work since we moved here."

Meredith cleared her throat audibly.

"I guess… I have to check on my patient," Addison made her not so graceful excuse with regeret.

Meredith chanced an apologetic look at Finn who wore an amused expression.

"Will you come to my office?" she sighed.

"Lead the way."

Before they would make any headway, she was blocked by no other than Derek. Shit, jealous Derek Shepherd was capable of many things. She only prayed he wouldn't ask for his car keys in front of Finn.

"Dr. Shepherd," she hissed a warning and made to walk beside him.

"Dr. Grey," he quickly stepped in front of her so that she almost bumped into his chest.

"Dr. Shepherd," she glared at his smug face. "Although you might think differently, I don't have any time to waste."

"But it's work-related, Dr. Grey," he provided hastily and his eyes swept over Finn with a smirk. "Don't we always get straight down to business?"

Meredith narrowed her eyes at him. "What is now, Dr. Shepherd? Did Dr. Hunt make you cry again? Did he hide your toys away?"

"No," he grinned wickedly. "I'd like to know if you're going to refund my travel expenses I had to make this morning on your behalf."

"We'll talk about it later," she gritted out and pushed past him, unaware of the cold superior look he gave Finn, reciprocated by a calm one.

"I'm really sorry about all this," she said heavily sitting down at her desk.

"It's okay," sighed Finn. "I'm glad that I could serve as a believable excuse, at least."

"I… I'm really sorry. I don't know what to say to you."

"You don't owe me any explanations," he shrugged and added after a moment of silence. "He's going to hurt you. That man has no self control."

Derek was flawless at making the impression indeed. Meredith would surely laugh if she wasn't bothered by the fact that Finn made a connection between Addie's and Derek's remarks.

"I think I may hurt him faster than the other way round," she confessed.

"If you say so…"

"Look, Finn, can I count on your discretion?"

He let out another sigh, "Of course. And I will be there if you ever need me. Just give me a call."

She nodded gratefully. "I will understand if you feel cheated and want to cancel your donation."

"Meredith," he laughed. "Although I admit the sponsorship provided an excellent opportunity to see you, I'm going to keep them going. I'm not that much of a self-seeking greedy bastard."

She burst out laughing reaching for the file entitled _Financing_.

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After Finn's departure, Meredith lied back comfortably in her leather chair. She felt ashamed at how she treated him and how he still offered his kind word and support. She swiveled in her seat as she heard the creak of the door handle. The door opened to reveal, who other, Derek fucking Shepherd.

She didn't comment on his obvious disregard of the knocking rule and hissed dryly, bringing her knuckles together, "Is it too much to ask of you to spend a little bit of your work time… working?"

"I examined three patients while you were locked up here with the pretty boy," he replied standing beside her and leaning against her desk.

"And left them dead on the table?" she quirked her eyebrow.

"I might not be a 29-year-old chief of surgery, I'm wondering how you achieved it by the way, but I pride myself in my skills."

"I didn't mean-" she started to explain. A surgeon's ego was easily insulted.

"Oh, yes, you did," he replied lightly, "we'll have to work on that too, but before…"

"I'm not in the mood to give you your refund," she took the keys to his car from a drawer throwing them onto her desk and folded her arms over her chest challengingly.

"I didn't come for that," he chuckled.

"You… you don't want sex?" she frowned in confusion. He was supposed to throw her on the desk and give her an angry jealous sex…

He turned her chair to face him and kneeled in front of her on one knee. "My mother's maiden name – Maloney. I have four sisters. I have a… nine nieces, five nephews. I like coffee ice-cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly-fish. I cheat when I do a crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Uhm, favorite novel – _The Sun Also Rises_, favorite band – _The Clash_. Favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar here on my forehead? That's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And as you know since yesterday, I live in a trailer on forty acres of land, with which I don't have an idea what to do," he crooked a smile at her.

Meredith stared at him, immobile and wide-eyed, her lips parted in shock.

"I… I didn't ask you…" she whispered.

"Don't I know it," he cocked his head and leaned in for a simple chaste kiss.

"But I want you to know me… and I want to know you. Think about it." He gave her a small smile and left her alone in her den.

She gaped at the door that closed behind him, blinking rapidly. He didn't come to her for sex. He didn't argue and banter until she couldn't resist his charms anymore, as usual. He threw a couple of facts about himself and his family and left her all alone to stew with her confused musings.

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"She's still here," whispered Izzie to Cristina, having chanced a furtive glance at their Chief sitting in the topmost row in the gallery. "Hasn't moved an inch; she's looking at him like a hawk. D'you really think she wants to get rid of him? Nurse Debbie told me she summoned Derek to her office again and they had another fight."

Cristina shrugged, not tearing her eyes from the operating table, though she wasn't' observing a procedure pertaining to her specialty. A few feet below Derek was extracting nails from a man's brain. It was such a rare occasion to be seen that the gallery was bursting at the seams, and there were even people crowding at the door to get a look.

"How should I know what is going in her brain?" muttered Cristina. "But she would be a complete idiot to let go the surgeon of his class and stupidity isn't one of the qualities I'd ascribe to Dr. Model."

Izzie turned her head in another direction and a frown of concern appeared on her face.

"I'm worried about George," she sighed.

Cristina made a disinterested noise. "He's good at his job. Why should you care?"

"I know he's good at his job," replied the blond impatiently. "It's not that…"

"Oh, you mean that sickening expression of a lovesick puppy he follows Dr. Model with?"

"He's infatuated with her!"

"He'll come around," frowned Cristina.

"He will, of course he will. He'll have to," said Izzie indignantly. "Because let's face it, he's George. And she's Dr. Model. What if he does something stupid?"

"Like what?" snorted Cristina.

"I don't know… Like telling her he loves her or something…"

"That would be Bambi," admitted Cristina.

"Or what if she hooks up with some male version of Dr. Model? Tall, lean and handsome?" went on Izzie.

"Then I won't have to listen to that crap anymore," her friend muttered under her breath.

Meredith sat rigidly in her seat, watching closely every move Derek made. She had a good excuse to be in the gallery; it didn't happen every day that a man shot a several-inches-long nails in his brain. However, it was not the first and foremost reason she was there. Since Derek left her office, his words were constantly on her mind.

Derek Shepherd demanded something more than sex from her. He wanted to know her. Could she really let him? On the other hand, what he shared with her was basic information about him and his relatives, about his likes and dislikes. She wasn't obliged to divulge the deepest secrets of her soul… because he had planned it this way, no doubt. He was attempting to lure her with simplicity until it was too late to back out when it came to serious things.

"_He didn't make the effort… He wasted his chance,"_ Bailey's words ringed in her head, followed by Addie's remark, "_you'll end up like your mother, lonely and bitter_."

"_He's going to hurt you,"_ said Finn. Meredith admired the precision and steadiness of Derek's hands as he pulled the nails slowly out of the delicate tissue. There was another reservation Meredith usually didn't give much thought to, as it wasn't conflicting with "just fucking". How was it that Dr. Shepherd moved so easily from disdain and contempt he held for her to the desire to have a relationship?

He called her "chief" once, this morning, playfully… But was he able to fully accept her rank? To resign from his ambitions? Maybe he was, thought Meredith seeing his satisfied expression peeking out from the mask, as he pulled the last nail out. He probably enjoyed the high of surgery and saving lives more than paperwork she was swamped with. She locked her fears at the back of her mind.

The surgery being over, she stood up with her hands stuffed in her pockets and made her way out through the crowd. She did that with ease as everyone scampered away before her. She giggled when was out of everyone's sight and her cold resenting expression relaxed into an amused one.

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Derek nervously fidgeted in his seat. He checked the time and remarked hopefully that it was too early for the humiliation of being stood up.

He barely slept the second night in a row, this time for entirely different reasons, unfortunately. Yesterday afternoon, he managed to contain his rage at seeing Meredith in company of the Finn guy and cornered her at her office in a desperate attempt to make her acknowledge they were in a relationship, or maybe that their relationship had other grounds that sexual drive. But the panicked expression told him that maybe he was too hasty and it tortured him for the rest of the day, kept him lying in his bed sleeplessly until around midnight when she texted him that he owed her breakfast.

And so he was waiting here impatiently, in the garden of a small cozy bar on the outskirts of Seattle, on the opposite outskirts of Seattle that is. He drove here almost two hours from his trailer, and he would have never made it but for his navigation system. He never wandered into this part of the city; Meredith chose it surely for its distance from the hospital.

A half of him wanted her to be here this instant declaring what she decided, the other dreaded the possibility of rejection. But her playful message couldn't bode badly, could it? His eyes were trained on the entrance, sliding over silhouettes of incoming customers. An overweight guy in his fifties who had short breath after climbing three steps, he'd be visiting their cardio unit soon enough… Two teenagers who seemed to be glued to each other, at least they knew what they wanted. A petite blond with windswept hair… He took a double take… The girl took her black sunglasses from her nose and glanced around. Meredith… He scanned her form from head to toes, openmouthed.

She looked so different than he ever saw her since he laid his eyes on her for the first time during the official presentation. She was wearing a sweater, a simple jacket, tight fitting jeans and sneakers. And he had thought she didn't look her twenty-nine years. Without the makeup no one would give her a day over twenty.

"Surprised to see me?" she asked with a smile, standing before him.

"I'm… just wondering if there's a risk of being tipped off to police for maintain a sexual relationship with a high schooler," he breathed out.

"I don't know whether I should take it as a compliment or an insult," she chuckled putting her bag on the tiled floor.

"Definitely a compliment," he muttered admiring the enticing view of her tight butt she involuntarily provided.

She rolled her eyes and sit down on the chair next to him, casting her regard down.

"Meredith?" he prompted. "I know-"

"I was born here," she interrupted playing with her sunglasses and looking up at him.

"Here…?" he frowned his forehead.

"Not literally here, my genius brain surgeon," she giggled. "In Seattle. Lived here until I was five and moved with my mother to Boston. I went to private schools, was admitted to college at sixteen; that's when I met Addie. I went to Harvard med school, had a shortened residency at Mount Sinai where I soon took the position of the head of neurosurgery until I moved back here and messed up your life. I like lavender. Tequila is my poison," she took a deep breath. "That's what you earned for now. The rest… you have to take on faith."

True, she gave him a very dry and shortened version of her biography, carefully omitting any information pertaining to her family or the period of her life when she hit the absolute bottom. He didn't need to know more, at least for now.

"Okay," he nodded and reached over the table for her hand. "What does it make of us?"

"What do you mean?" she scrunched her nose.

"Am I promoted for the position of your boyfriend?" he grinned.

She pouted her lips. How should she know? She never had a boyfriend, well except one maybe… it didn't end well for him and almost for her… "A… a secret boyfriend, perhaps," she muttered.

"A secret boyfriend?" he snorted.

"Yup," she opened the menu. "A secret boyfriend that owes me a good breakfast."

"My secret girlfriend," he smiled mischievously. "You owe me a shower."

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A/N This chapter was well-behaved :) Please, comment!

Yours,

Em :)


	11. Chapter 11: In Sync

A/N Hi! Thank you for all your comments after the last chapter, I'm happy you like how MerDer relationship is developing. They're going to get only stronger.

**Important Note: **About this chapter, it contains quite a bit mature content, so if you're sensitive about that, please skip that part!

Enjoy!

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"Hmmm."

Two men looked at each other worryingly. For the last three hours they nervously waited on any frown that appeared on the young doctor's face, any sigh of discontentment, any doubt or query.

When they saw the delicate Dr. Grey this morning, they were already congratulating themselves on signing an advantageous contract; that is, until they got to know her ferocious character. Dr. Grey clearly wasn't a person to be trifled with or taken for granted. She wouldn't rest until she fought the best possible deal for her hospital.

However, the two businessmen didn't learn the reason of her latest concern as her phone rang from her briefcase. With a stony face, she checked the ID of the caller and said, "Excuse me, gentlemen. Urgent call from the hospital."

"Of course, Dr. Grey," breathed hurriedly one of the men.

"Please, take your time, Dr. Grey," assured the other.

She took her cell and went out of the room into the blazing Californian sun.

"Hey, gorgeous," she smiled into the receiver. "Miss me already?"

"That should be my line," Derek's muffled voice feigned indignation. "I didn't disturb anything important, I hope?"

"Not at all," she said lightly. "I'm wrapping up the deal. I gather from your call that the hospital's still standing?"

"The hospital is safe and sound," he quipped. "Nice of you to have no concerns about my wellbeing. That feels good."

"Should I be concerned?" she asked amusedly.

"Yes, I'm in pain, it's ten, I'd say," he groaned.

"Where does it hurt, Dr. Shepherd?" she cooed.

"My heart, it's broken in two since yesterday," he his breath hitched in his chest.

Meredith burst out laughing freely. Since they officially became secret boyfriend and girlfriend, Derek kept turning increasingly cheesy, not that she minded much. She appreciated his attempts at romance, it took none of their passion at all. And she missed him; she came to terms with that fact when she woke up this morning. She missed him even if it was barely yesterday evening when she boarded the plane for Los Angeles where she was to buy new equipment for the general surgery unit.

"A heart broken in two?" smirked Meredith. "Thank God, you're treating brains, not hearts. Otherwise I'd have to fire you. Is there anything else you've got a problem with?" she asked seductively.

"Oh, yes," he whispered. "A very… prominent one."

She giggled and licked her lips. She was thousands of miles away from him but that didn't stop a pool of desire shooting through her core. "Do you think you can last till the evening when I can… attend to your… ailment?"

"I wouldn't entrust it into anyone else's care, Dr. Grey…"

"I should hope so," she murmured. "I am the very best."

"I'm aware of that," he laughed and then confessed soberly, "I miss you, I can't wait to see you tonight."

She bit her lip, "I miss you too."

"Yeah?" he breathed and she could tell he was surprised.

"Mhm, there won't be any sleep tonight, Derek," she promised sweetly.

He sighed excitedly, "Until later, Meredith. Have a safe journey."

She hang up and entered the room back imperiously. "Let's finish this, gentlemen. There's an urgent business in Seattle that demands my personal attention."

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Derek closed his cell and congratulated himself on keeping a playful note in his voice all through the conversation with Meredith. If he didn't miss her presence so much and longed to at least hear her voice, he wouldn't have called because Seattle Grace was one big mess that day.

The day started with an almost flood. Fortunately, the leak in the pipes was detected early enough to repair it without closing down the operating rooms. They learnt that if the failure came to be known just an hour later, water would flow down the corridors and even risk breaking down the ceilings.

Then there were his colleagues who, emboldened by the absence of their chief, tried to present their apparent skills and ranted for hours on end how they would run things differently. Meredith still wasn't accepted by a great number of her subordinates. For example, by Erica Hahn, who seemed decided on outdoing Dr. Grey's bitchiness, with quite pathetic results to Derek's mind. He himself stopped questioning Richard's choice a long time ago. He didn't fool himself; he wouldn't be a better chief. She was ideal for the job; she was born for it and probably raised for it. Having Elis Grey as a mother, it couldn't be different.

Meredith was also a woman full of contradictions, Derek witnessed the proofs of that almost every day since they started their thing, and that was already two months ago. She could be warm, supportive, loyal and faithful but that didn't stop her from turning into a cold… well, there wasn't really another word for it, a bitch who cut with equal acuity and easiness using her cruel remarks as well as with her scalpel. Derek suspected there were reasons for this other than the need to be tough in the surgical world but Meredith didn't let much on. She was giving him little things, he was learning lots of details about her but he felt they were still roaming around substantial questions. He hoped that gradually he'd earn her complete trust. He no longer saw his life without her, which was only proved by their current short separation, insufferable, it turned out, for both of them.

Derek heard the sound of hurried footsteps and turned his head towards the door to his office just in time to see a child in white hospital gown whizz past. He blinked and peeked out on the corridor, almost crashing into a resident.

"What's going on in here?" frowned Derek.

"I… sorry… my patient ran… away," the resident took a few desperate breaths and broke into a run after his charge.

"This place is turning into a madhouse without Dr. Model," Mark strolled lazily with a cup of coffee in his hand.

Derek grimaced involuntarily. Every single one of his colleagues insisted on calling Meredith Dr. Model and it vexed him to no end. She had a body of one, to be sure, he'd know better than anyone but it wasn't her most outstanding quality.

Mark seemed to understand his best friend's grim demeanor quite differently. "You know, I always take what I hear around here with a pinch of salt," started Mark.

Derek let out a sigh preparing himself for another tirade of Mark's. Most of the time, he was laughing his head off at the people assuming he and Meredith were ardent enemies. Not when it came to Mark, though. Derek knew his best friend was genuinely concerned about him. He spent a lot of time at hospital, far more than his schedule required. The occasions he went out with Mark were cut down drastically. He felt guilty for lying to Mark but he couldn't do anything about it. Meredith voiced her conditions loud and clear and he wholeheartedly agreed with her at the time. Derek didn't want to lose this amazing woman for anything in the world. No one was supposed to know the nature of their relations so no one would.

"What now, Mark?" asked Derek impatiently. "We've been over this, over and over."

"Have we?" insisted Mark. "You've been avoiding me for weeks now."

"You're imagining things," shrugged Derek.

"Am I?" growled Mark. "What is it with you and that woman? God knows people are still ranting, but they keep their mouth shut and do their work. And you always jump at her throat."

"I hate Dr. Model," smirked Derek. He wasn't even lying now, he hated that name.

Mark shook his head, "I don't think she wants to fire you, you're too good of a surgeon. But I won't blame her if she does. You must be a pain in the ass for her."

Derek bit his lip not to burst out laughing.

"Take it easy man, she's not that bad. She might've stolen your job but she's a hottie," Mark wiggled his eyebrows.

"I thought you were after Dr. Montgomery," gritted out Derek. He hated other men even looking at Meredith. And unfortunately, that happened alarmingly often.

"Oh, I am," chuckled Mark. "She's playing hard to get but she'll surrender soon enough."

Derek snorted, "I think she surrenders when you surrender your nurses." From what his secret girlfriend told him, Addison was waiting for him to mend his free ways.

"Whatever," dismissed him Mark. "Hey, you want to go to Joe's tonight?"

"Can't," Derek smiled to himself returning back to his office. "I'm busy."

Mark looked at him suspiciously but gave up seeing the red-head doctor appearing in the corridor.

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George picked up the tray with his eagerly awaited lunch. He was dead on his feet and the end of his shift seemed as distant as next Christmas. He was by now more or less accustomed to taking control in the hospital when Dr. Grey was not present but today was a completely different story. The knowledge that their Chief was on a business trip in another state seemed to let everyone loose. It cost him inhuman effort and countless battles with his colleagues to preserve the smooth running of the surgical floor. He was exhausted and hoping the meal to bring his strength back.

He was about to put his tray on the table in the cafeteria when Alex threw himself heavily in the chair without a word, taking big gulps of mineral water. He was followed by Izzie and Cristina who arrived with their food.

"I'll find another table," mumbled George under his breath and made to march off.

"George," Izzie stopped his hand. "Come eat with us."

He blinked at her and asked sarcastically, "Oh, it's George now? Not Dr. Model's lapdog or slave?"

"You still are," drawled Cristina, "but we're no longer angry at you for that."

"Great," snorted George. For two whole months he was forced to suffer their jeers and the loneliness they imposed on him and, now they were here at his side as though nothing had happened. "Maybe it's me now who's angry!"

"George, I'm sorry," pleaded Izzie. "We're all sorry. Right, guys?"

Alex just rolled his eyes while Cristina muttered opening her sauce, "Yeah, yeah, we were selfish and childish."

"I'm really sorry," Izzie went on. "Will you forgive us?"

How could he not? George deposited his tray down, took the seat wordlessly and started to devour his lunch.

"Tough day?" smirked Alex.

George only shrugged and chewed on his food.

"You're doing a great job," smiled at him Izzie.

"You don't need to suck up," said George trough his full mouth.

"She's not sucking up, she's telling the truth. Surprisingly enough," commented Cristina sincerely. "So, how's it going, the work with Dr. Model?"

"I wouldn't stand waiting on her bitchy moods," Izzie rolled her eyes dipping the fries in ketchup.

"I would," interrupted Alex with a grin. "One look at her assets makes up for her charming character."

"She's not bitchy," denied George indignantly. "She's kind and smart, and funny…" he trailed off noticing the furtive smirks and glances exchanged between their friends. "What?"

"You're so- Ouch!" Alex was kicked on the shin by Izzie.

"You like her, don't you?" she shot him a shrewd look.

"Of course, I like her," he shrugged continuing with his food.

"Dude, you have hots for her," Alex looked at him pityingly ignoring Izzie's glares.

"I… I don't!" George denied quickly, blushing furiously.

"You kinda do," nodded Cristina.

"I don't! She's my boss, she's all of our boss!" stammered George, shaking his yoghurt.

"If you say so," shrugged Cristina. "She's out of your league anyway.

"She's probably taken," added Alex. "Women like her don't like to be lonely."

"What? She's… she's not," George shook his head. "I would know, I work with her all the time!"

"Whatever," threw Alex disinterestedly.

George got lost in thought. Dr. Grey was a beautiful woman, when she walked all men, and some women, on her way stared only at her. Why would a woman like her be alone? But he would know, he assured himself; he would know because he saw her work at the hospital from dawn till dusk and even longer. When would she have the time to be meeting someone?

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"I hate to say this," breathed out Cristina joining everyone at the nurses' station, "but I can't wait when Dr. Model gets her little ass back here and shows Hahn her place! Who does she think she is? I'm a freaking attending and she treats me like her private bitch!"

Derek bit back a laugh studying his colleagues' tired faces. Though O'Malley was doing all in his power to keep the hospital under control, the absence of Meredith's strong character and discipline she so effortlessly maintained, was palpable, making some try too much and others slack. Everyone more felt it than consciously admitted but she became an important part of Seattle Grace.

"She's coming, Dr. Grey's coming," a nurse hurried to the counter and made frantic attempts to make it look clean and tidy. She hastily gathered the charts in an even row and threw a half-empty coffee cup in to the bin while everyone straightened up and smoothed their lab coats.

Soon enough, they heard quick clicking of high heels, a infallible sign that Dr. Grey was approaching.

Derek's heart beat faster as she appeared from around the corner, still clad in her formal clothes with a little briefcase swaying in her hand, her blond locks jumping with every energetic step. God, didn't he want her… Barely twenty-four hours passed since he last saw her, a little more since he last had her, but he could never drink his fill.

"Good evening," she said and breezed away, not gracing them with one look.

"Good evening, Dr. Grey," they answered in a slightly uneven choir.

She stopped in her tracks abruptly, whirled around on her heel and slowly made her way towards them, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

"Did anything interesting happen when I was gone? Something I should know about? Any problems?" she asked as her searching eyes swept from one face to another.

"No!"

"Yes!" came two contradicting answers and they fell into an uneasy silence.

"Hmmm," she halted between Mark and Cristina and flashed a smirk at Derek. "I heard _you_ had some troubles, Dr. Shepherd. Like you always do."

He squinted at her, little tease. She could make him hard just by her remarks and she knew it.

In the meantime, the thoughts of others were going in a completely different direction. If Dr. Model was so well-informed of the situation in the hospital, she had to have a spy who sent her reports on everything and everyone. All eyes obviously turned to George, who shook his head gently.

"And how was your trip, Dr. Grey?" asked Mark with a charming smile. "To your advantage, I hope?"

"Of course," she snorted. "I wouldn't have flown all the way to Los Angeles if I hadn't been sure it would. And now, ladies and gentlemen I can announce that Seattle Grace is the proud owner of the Da Vinci s.i.h.d. surgical system."

Derek watched his colleagues' eyebrows rise in awe.

"Oh no, you didn't!" Miranda Bailey… giggled like a girl. "You bought us a Da Vinci?"

"Oh yes, I did," smiled Meredith. She threw Derek a saucy grin and marched off, providing answers for Bailey's fervent demands for details.

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"Here you are, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith's voice made him stop and turn around to face her. "I've been looking for you."

He quickly looked around and seeing they were all alone in the corridor, took her in his arms reveling in her body and planted his lips over hers. However, before she could deepen the kiss, he already pulled away. Damn it, he yearned for her and he didn't have the time.

"Sorry, I have an urgent case," he sighed. "40-year-old male, creeping paralysis of an unknown cause."

"You're cutting blind," she stated knowingly. "Sounds like a long procedure."

"Yeah," he gazed at her longingly. "Want to give me a hand? I'm sure will finish quicker together."

"Sure," she smiled. "I'll be down in the scrub room in five minutes.

Some two hours into the procedure, Derek began to regret inviting his girlfriend over because apart from concentrating himself on finding the origin of his patient's ailment, he had to fight with his own body. He didn't want to check what it was like to work with a hard on.

Never before had an OR looked so… porny. With Meredith across the table, every gesture and every word acquired a double meaning. It seemed to be another of her natural talents, though he was sure the majority of her antics were deliberately targeted to make him hard and panting for her. Not like she had to make much effort to achieve it anyway.

After a two-hour search for what Derek believed was a clot, the two of them, working in their respective areas, didn't find anything. Still, the work was much quicker than what it would have been if he had to cut alone or in assistance of a resident.

"Are you sure all the scans and test results came out clear, Dr. Shepherd?" asked Meredith sharply from her place.

He saw the nurses flashing at her indignant glares but he wasn't affronted. The mischievous twinkle in her green eyes told him she had one thing on her mind – setting him off; angry passionate sex never failed. To tell the truth, any other didn't either.

"Aha, got it," Derek breathed out with relief. He didn't know how long he would last without abandoning the patient and lunging himself at his girlfriend. He was starving for her.

Meredith moved to help him and they finished their work in no time. They worked in a complete sync, as Derek noticed contentedly.

"It was a pleasure to work with you today, Dr. Shepherd," she said when they washed their hands, scrubbing out.

"Likewise," he whispered and stared at her lips. "Though, I daresay, the pleasure will continue."

They looked into each other's eyes and felt a dame break. The short separation, the few hours spent together in the OR, the surgery high… they needed to have each other or they would go mad with desire.

Meredith threw away a crumpled paper towel with impatience and stormed off, giving him fiery looks over her shoulder, ordering him to follow. She wanted to make it to her, or at least his, office but after a few steps her resolve melted. She stopped and pushed him into a supply closet. She kicked the door close and blindly reached for the light switch, the lamp kept flickering giving out a weak illumination.

"Wow, we even have visual effects," he chuckled looking mesmerized into his lover's eyes as she closed in on him as though readying herself to pounce.

"Who said we need more of them?" she muttered and tugged violently at the hem of his scrub top dragging it over his head leaving it deliciously messy.

"Now, Dr. Shepherd," she purred raking her hands over his hard chest. "We spoke on the phone today. I'm Dr. Grey and I'm here… to take care of your problems."

He chuckled feeling increasingly turned on and hard; they never played doctors yet. His laugh transformed into a moan when her lips descended on his chest, kissing him and licking with her hot little tongue.

"You… complained about your heart… I believe," she panted between each nibble on his skin.

"Mhm," he hummed and gripped her waist but she swatted his arms away.

"That's not very professional, Dr. Shepherd," she murmured. "Let me do my work."

Her skillful mouth closed on his left nipple and he grabbed the shelf to occupy his hands somehow, letting his vixen take control of his body and mind.

She lapped languidly at his flesh, bit and sucked, making his nipples and other part of his body harden painfully.

"There," she breathed soothingly at his chest. "All healed… Now… your other ailment…"

His breathing became increasingly difficult, as he waited with eagerness and anticipation for the next phase of her treatment. She smirked up at him, slowly lowering herself, her lips trailing a hairy trail down to his pants. He thought he was going to explode as her fingers lazily untied the cord. Then, she pulled down his pants and boxer briefs in one swift motion and cooler air hit his lower body, making him strain even more.

Her palms slid from his waist, over his firm ass to the back of his thighs and he watched her smiling mouth reach incredibly slowly towards his hard member.

She looked up at him wickedly with her heavy laden eyes. Her lips curled into a letter O and she blew a little on his sensitive tip. He swallowed back a moan; she was on the best way to drive him insane. One more minute of this torture and he'd lose control and grab her head to thrust into her moist cavern.

She must have taken pity on his internal struggle as her pink tongue sneaked from her mouth and licked the liquid that dripped from his opening. He couldn't block an uncontrollable groan that escaped him at the feel of her. He kept panting and growling, his breath hitching in his chest, as her skilful tongue glided all over his cock, from the base to the head, not pausing for long in one place.

One of her hands left his thigh and moved between his legs to fondle his balls. He jerked slightly forward, trying to stop himself from thrusting. God, he longed for release. She then took as much of him as she could into her throat grazing his skin with her teeth and all his self-control flew out of the window. He pushed a few times and erupted into her mouth with a roar, throwing his head back and hitting the shelf. She wallowed and licked every drop of him clean and stood up admiring her job.

"How… was that, Dr. Shepherd?" she panted. "I believe my therapy proved effective?"

He cracked his eyes open but one look at her swollen lips was enough to prevent him from forming a coherent thought.

"I… a…" he gulped heavily.

"My, my," she shook her head with a grin. "There are side effects, I see. Complete loss of the ability of speech. I must take care of that immediately."

Her lips landed on his and he tasted himself on her. He seemed to snap out of the haze and kissed her with abandon, pressing her to him as tightly as he could. He needed to come inside her again, this time in a different place. He didn't possess patience enough to undress her. He dived his hands under her top and dragged her bra down to grab her breasts roughly. She elicited sweet moans into his ear, tugging at his raven locks and driving him wild. His fingers insinuated themselves underneath her pants and pulled down exposing her butt when suddenly… the door burst open. They blinked with disorientation. The supply closet was much darker than the corridor and in their porny trance; they could only make out a blur of a silhouette that halted at the entrance. Before they were able to react in any way, the mysterious person quickly backed out, shutting the door.

Meredith sprang away from him with a yelp, readjusting her cloths and her hair.

"Meredith?" he panted searching her eyes with dread, getting dressed at the top speed as well.

She shot out of the closet but the corridor was silent and empty, not a living soul around…

She paced in the spot, rubbing her forehead absent-mindedly.

"Meredith," said Derek joining her and grabbing her arms.

"Did you see who that was?" she asked firmly.

"I… no." he shook his head with a wildly beating heart. "Meredith-"

"Not now!" she barked out and marched off without a second glance.

He let out a deep exasperated sigh and banged his head against the wall. He had no physical or mental strength to swear; it wouldn't bring any release anyway.

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A/N Any ideas on who that might be? As always I'm waiting for your opinions and suggestions!

Em :)


	12. Chapter 12: A Change Is Gonna Come

A/N Hi, thank you for all your comments and guesses. I'm sorry for the lack of updates and ;leaving you with a cliffhanger but I was both without my laptop and Internet access for over a week.

I hope you'll like the update though I think I sidetracked most of you. Comments, please!

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Since Meredith Grey appeared in his life, Derek's existence could be compared to a roller coaster ride, a constant series of successive ups and downs. Unfortunately, since yesterday evening he was at the low. He felt as though he fell from a cart to the ground several hundred feet below. After an unidentified person walked on them in the supply closet, Meredith made a hasty escape and was inaccessible ever since. He was reduced to spend a lonely night at the trailer, sexual frustration and the fact that someone got an eyeful of his naked being the least of his concerns.

Derek drove into the parking lot apprehensively. He was aware all his future, all their future, depended on the identity of the person who saw them. The gossip mill could be already in the full swing, pulling him and Meredith down, mostly Meredith. The two of them, the chief and the head of a department, in the state of undress, locked in a tight embrace in a tiny room… it was going to be one of the greatest scandals in the history of the hospital, possibly devastating Meredith's credibility. He was safe to be sure, but Meredith… His consciousness panged guiltily, doubly so because he was selfishly much more concerned about what it meant for their relationship than for her job.

He was in luck. He saw Meredith's Porsche and his girlfriend herself leaned into the car, looking for something. He pulled into the free spot next to her. Despite her flawless looks, she must have been equally distressed as she noticed him only when he jumped out of the car, standing face to face with her.

"Crap!" she exclaimed, her hands flying to her sides.

"Crap?" he repeated trying to read her expression.

"I've gotta go," she shot quickly and hurried towards the entrance to the hospital.

"Can we talk about it?" he ran up to her. "About that someone and what they saw?"

"I don't need to talk about it!" she replied icily. "I experienced it! Naked!"

"If I was a better guy, I'd walk away," he started.

"Yes, you would!" she nervously pushed the elevator button.

"But the thing is, I'm not a better guy," he quipped, "and I have no intention of walking away."

"Listen," she narrowed her eyes at him and hissed, "it's my career that's at stake here and I won't allow anything-"

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," greeted them Mark, slowly approaching the elevators with a coffee in his hand, already in his scrubs. "Another lovers' quarrel?"

They looked at him quickly, anticipating the worst.

"Excuse me?" Meredith gritted icily. "Did you imply something?"

"I… I didn't," assured her Mark with a frown. What ruffled her feathers? Dr. Grey never took his jokes badly, even the dirtiest ones.

"Then what did you mean by that?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," he squirmed under her glare. "It was just an innocent joke."

"Then don't do that!" she barked. "You've got a sick sense of humor. I'd better take the stairs…" she muttered and stalked off.

"What the fuck, Mark?" Derek shot at him angrily.

"No, what the fuck, Derek?" growled Mark eyeing his friend. "What the fuck is going on between you two?"

"We can't stand each other," he lied quickly, calming himself down. It looked like a false alarm. "When did you get here?"

"Today?" asked Mark with surprise. "About an hour ago. Why?"

"What did you hear?" demanded Derek promptly.

"About what?" frowned Mark.

Derek felt his pulse return to normal. Mark didn't know anything, which meant his usual source of information, the nurses, didn't know anything either. Then.. who did?

**********************************************************************************

Meredith paced her office nervously. There was no way she could concentrate on work for long. Mark Sloan didn't know anything or he would say it straight into their faces. The rest of the hospital seemingly didn't know either. She knew that before she even got to her office. Nothing changed in the way her employees were looking at her. The juicy gossip clearly didn't yet make it to the general public. Why? Maybe it was a friendly person. She snorted, she could count friendly persons on the fingers of one hand. Maybe they wanted to gain some advantage? Information was power.

There was light knocking on the door and Addie's head peeked inside," Hey!"

"Addie," breathed Meredith. The advice of the best friend was infallible and she always sought it in moments of crisis. But she kept Addison in the dark about her relationship with Derek to begin with… She would turn out to be a mistrustful, ungrateful bitch…

"You're not too busy for me, I hope?" smiled Addison waling in, in her street clothes.

"You're going home?" asked Meredith, trying to appear normal.

"Yeah, I haven't even had the chance to ask you how was your trip to LA?" went on Addison. "You got yourself busy instantly with your obsession."

"What do you mean?" demanded Meredith with a note of panic on her voice. It couldn't be Addison who saw them, could it? She would certainly be discreet, the secret was safe with her. But she would surely have told her directly what she saw, wouldn't she? Of that, Meredith wasn't so sure anymore. She didn't say a word to her about her secret boyfriend. Maybe Addie decided to play the game?"

"Well, you went to surgery the minute you got back," Addison eyed her friend suspiciously. "With the man you claim to hate like no one else, I figured your trip must have been stressful."

"You know, Addie," said quietly Meredith. "I am kind of busy, can we talk later?"

"I.. sure," she frowned. "Are you all right? You look kinda awful."

"I'm fine," said quickly Meredith.

"Fine," Addison nodded knowingly. She knew her fake sister was hiding something important form her, it wasn't the first time. But she desisted; there wasn't a way to make her talk.

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Meredith leaned heavily against the railing on the staircase landing overlooking the lobby. She stared coldly over the heads of her subordinates as though wanting to discover which one of them held the dangerous knowledge. One of them… one of them discovered her romance with Derek. One of them walked on them while in one of the most compromising positions one can imagine. She detested being dependent on anybody, regardless whether it was a friend or foe. The realization that someone held her in their power was insupportable.

"Dr. Grey?"

"Yes, Dr. O'Malley," she sighed tiredly and faced her deputy.

"I reviewed all the offers from potential suppliers," he announced. "The prolongation of the contact seems the most reasonable option, they give us the highest discounts since we're their-"

"I trust you, Dr. O'Malley," she cut him short. "Take care of everything."

"Yes, Chief," he nodded and blinked at her uncertainly. "Dr. Grey, you look tired. We have a slow day and I took a longer shift today. Why don't you go home and… or… see somebody…?"

"See somebody?" she squinted at him sharply. "Like who?"

"Uhm, I thought… your boyfriend… maybe?" he stammered out.

She clenched her jaws. Could it be George O'Malley? It made sense. Sometimes it felt as though he was her shadow, finding her at most unexpected places in the hospital to sign documents or approve of some decisions, even though she made sure for her secret dates with Derek to stay secret. And he wouldn't tell anybody because he was her guy…

"Why would you think I have a boyfriend?" she asked coldly.

"Uhm… I… I… why wouldn't I?" he answered with a question. "You're a wonderful woman… er… person…"

"Thank you, Dr. O'Malley," she said dryly. "Off you go."

She once again gazed down on the bustling lobby. She was going paranoid, everything she heard seemed to have a double meaning. Where did her cool and indifferent judgment go?

"Seeing that you have time for anybody else, you can spare me, your boyfriend, five minutes?" Derek stood beside her on the landing, his arms folded on his chest. His voice was calm but a barely noticeable strain informed her that he was too reaching the breaking point.

"Here? Here you decided to corner me?" she hissed at him. "In front of everybody? What are you, an exhibitionist? Did you enjoy it last night, to have your pants down before an unexpected audience?"

He couldn't control the laughter that erupted in his throat and directed several curious heads from downstairs to look at them.

"Because I didn't," she whispered indignantly. "And shut up!"

"No one knows anything," he argued sobering up.

"Almost! Almost no one knows anything," she corrected him and decided to abandon the landing as they were attracting too much attention. "Remember that someone walked on us when we were almost in the throes?" she snorted under his breath.

"That little almost again," he chuckled and followed at her side. "Pity we weren't, I'd say. At least, there'd be some fond memories."

"Great that at least one of us finds it funny," she bit back.

He caught her tightly by the arm and pinned her against the wall in the deserted corridor. "I don't find it funny," he gritted through his teeth, his patience finally gone. "I don't find it funny at all. It fucking pisses me off."

She stared at him with wide eyes. If she thought she had seen him angry before, she was sadly mistaken.

"I-"

"No!" he silenced her. "Now _you're_ going to listen to _my_ bitching. You've been treating me like crap, like it was my fault. But you know what? The fault is mutual, we both didn't think about locking that door. And you know what? It's our mutual problem, not yours exclusively. You would know that, had you bothered to talk to me. But you're only verbose around me when we're having sex. I think the words I hear from you most often are harder and faster."

She opened her mouth to retaliate but she couldn't find the words other that she was ashamed of herself. She really was.

They heard footsteps and fragments of conversation and they sprang apart. Meredith took advantage of his sudden hesitation and made her escape. She couldn't bear to be around him. Her career and reputation might be crumbling down because of him, because of his sweet talking that convinced her to continue their fling. But more than him, she blamed herself, she was angry primarily at herself. Because she didn't lock the door. Because she started this thing to begin with, she let herself move the focus from her job to her private life, worse even, she let them mash together. She let herself care too much for that kind, intelligent, sexy man now she couldn't bear to be apart from.

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Another fight of two neurosurgeons brought about only mild interest amidst the onlookers. They witnessed so many spats since Dr. Grey's arrival at Seattle Grace that it just didn't made any difference.

"God, they're getting boring," commented Cristina sipping at her coffee.

Izzie chuckled at her friend, "Yeah, I wonder who's gonna crack first."

"Hard to tell," shrugged Cristina. "But when they do, we'll be scraping the rests of the other one form the wall."

In the meantime, a pair of shrewd eyes observed carefully the angry exchange between Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd and shook their head disapprovingly. Stupid neurosurgeons with overblown egos. They either shouted at each other or humped each other. Something had to be done about it.

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Meredith stared unseeingly at the content of her glass. Not that there was anything exciting, just plain water with a slice of lemon. She already had one shot of her tequila. She decided against having more; she was currently sitting on a barstool at Joe's under many watchful eyes of her colleagues. Besides, she had to drive home somehow.

"Boy problems or work problems?" Joe appeared before her with a gentle smile.

"These are one and the same in my case," she confessed.

"Sure you don't want anything stronger?" he asked pointing at her glass.

"Nope," she grinned. "I'm a responsible Chief of Surgery in one of the best teaching hospitals in the country," she recited.

"Dr. Grey."

"Dr. Bailey," nodded Meredith as the plump woman climbed onto the stool next to her.

"Tough day?" asked Miranda disinterestedly.

"Who am I to complain?" shrugged Meredith.

"You tell me," quipped Miranda. "But it begs a question."

"What question?" frowned Meredith.

"Why a young successful woman whose looks mess with men's heads and even more with their pants sits alone in a bar-"

"Maybe she likes that," said Meredith curtly.

"I haven't finished my question yet," warned Miranda. "Why a woman like that sits alone in a bar and pines for her silly brain surgeon?"

Meredith choked on her water and Miranda patted her on the back stoically.

"How… You… You saw us, yesterday?" whispered Meredith, a blush creeping on her face.

"Unfortunately," nodded Miranda, disgust painting on her face. "I thought it was best to leave it like that but then I realized you might not have seen me. And I was right, wasn't I? judging by the fact that you jumped at each other's throats for real today…"

Meredith buried her face in her hand, "This is so…"

"Embarrassing? Humiliating?" proposed Miranda. "I agree."

"You haven't told anyone," Meredith looked up at her.

"Of course I haven't told anyone," Bailey. "Do I look like a live porn advertisement?"

"Thank you," Meredith breathed out with overwhelming relief.

"Don't thank me, just lock the damn door next time," Bailey quirked her eyebrow. "But then again, I have another question."

"What question?"

"What are you still doing here?"

Meredith blinked around and shook her glass. "I… should tell… him…"

"You should," agreed Bailey. "You should tell him a lot of things."

"Well, it's just that," Meredith turned on her barstool with a serious expectant look on her face. "Should I?"

"Depends what it is that you want," sighed Miranda.

Meredith hung her head down for a minute and then jumped from her seat, searching her pocket for coins.

"Dr. Grey," Miranda turned after her and said after a moment of hesitation, "He's a man that believes in romance and true love until the grave. Don't hurt him."

Meredith slowly nodded her head, easier said than done.

"And tell him he has a nice pattern on his boxers."

**********************************************************************************

Meredith pulled up in Derek's driveway and ran up to his trailer with a wildly beating heart. The lights were on and Meredith got curious what he could be doing. She halted in front of the door and reached to knock but her hand hung mid-air.

Her breath hitched as the door opened anyway and she came face to face with Derek. He must have heard the sound of the engine.

"Now, that's a surprise," he snorted and leaned against the doorframe.

Meredith bit her lip; he was still in foul mood, not that she could blame him. She slipped inside past him, under his outstretched arm.

"Sure, come on in," he sighed and closed the door. "To what do I owe this honour?"

She stopped In the middle of the limited space and took a deep breath. "It was Bailey who saw us."

"Bailey," he repeated. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Meredith folded her arms around her as she had no idea what to do with them. "She told me."

Derek gave out a small laugh. He was relieved he didn't take part in that conversation and oddly satisfied that Meredith was the one to squirm. "Well, then, Bailey won't say a word," he stated with certainty. "You don't have to worry about anything else now." He turned away and walked to the kitchen area.

"Derek," she called after him stepping from feet to feet. Her next words came out with difficulty but they had to come. Because she wanted him. "Please, don't walk away."

He reappeared with a can of beer in his hand, his expression softened a bit. "I'm not walking away, but you're constantly leaving me."

He put the can aside absent-mindedly and reached for her, cupping her face in his palms, her eyes inches from his. "Meredith, what is it that you want from me? Put me out of my misery and tell me. I want you, you know that but I need to know what you want."

She brought her hands over his and reciprocated his look, allowing him to see down her soul.

"You, I want you," she answered simply but before he could gather her in her arms she pulled away and sat down at the edge of his bed. "But if you want to go on with me, you need to have patience, lots of it. I know I'm not the easiest person to be around. Because I shout and I bitch, and run and don't like to talk. But I'm really trying here."

"Okay," he crouched in front of her.

"You can't possible have an idea how much of a change this is for me," she admitted gravely. "That's why I'm resisting it so much. It's been only work for me… for years now."

He listened attentively to every word she uttered, every word that he hoped would push him closer to understanding her.

"Because work is steady and reliable, and it's always there," she went on.

"And people aren't?" he asked gently.

"Generally, they aren't," she swallowed hard remembering her first relationship. "I had a one boyfriend before you."

"It ended badly?" he asked brushing her cheek with his thumb.

Yes, it did end badly, couldn't have ended worse. She shivered; she wasn't ready to talk about it openly with Derek. She wasn't sure if he'd understand. Looking from the distance, she didn't quite understand herself how she could be that stupid.

"It ended badly," she muttered.

"Did he hurt you?" probed Derek.

"You could say that," she dodged the question.

Derek felt she already reached her limit today. "I'm not going to hurt you, not intentionally."

"I don't want you hurt you either," she assured him.

He gave her a small chuckle and brought their foreheads together.

"You're no longer angry at me?" she asked coyly. "Because if you were, I could do something to grovel…"

He smirked feeling the sudden change of mood. "Oh, yes. I'm very angry," he pouted, stifling his grin. "What are you going to do about that?"

"Anything you want," she nibbled on his neck.

"I was thinking…" he breathed deeply, "about a shower before you came."

"Mhm," she purred. "I think you think bendy thing."

"Strip," he ordered standing up.

"You're giving me orders now?" she asked looking up at him, feigning indignation.

"Hell, I am," he nodded unbuttoning his shirt. "And I'm not gonna ask you again to jump out of your clothes."

She bit her lip and obeyed his request. How could she not? She was on fire; she never got her orgasm yesterday.

All the garments of their clothing found their way to the floor with the speed of lightning and they stumbled into the tiny bathroom, already locked in a tight embrace, their lips greedily devouring each other. Derek opened the water and they squealed as they felt cold droplets on their skin. That didn't put out their passion as they resumed their lip lock, not even waiting for the water to warm up.

He grabbed her hips and turned her around, making her face the shower wall. She braced herself against it, surrendering totally to his will. His palms sneaked to her chest, massaging and tweaking her soft breast, working them up to hard peaks. Then one of his hands wandered lower and lower between her legs and she moaned and threw her head back on his shoulder as his fingers found her wet core, spreading her folds.

"Bend," he breathed firmly into her ear and she did what she was told to do.

"You see how everything would be easier if you just listened to me more often?" he watched with satisfaction and admiration for her flexibility as she lowered her torso as far as she could.

She snorted and looked up at him over her shoulder, "I'm wondering if I could perform a craniotomy before you're up and ready?"

He chuckled and put a condom on his hard member, pried between her legs and pushed roughly into her tight core. She screamed at the depth of penetration the position allowed, feeling as though she was being ripped in two by his force… and she wanted more.

"Up and ready enough?" he asked smugly slipping from her almost all the way and slamming back hard.

She pushed her ass back meeting his impetuous thrusts that were leaving her breathless. "Ha… hard…" she stammered.

"Let me guess," ha panted through gritted teeth. "You want harder and faster… And that's… what you get…"

He acted on his word, hammering into her tight wet channel while his fingers found her engorged nub and worked her faster towards her release. His palm gripped her waist with the force that would surely leave bruises on her exquisite skin but he didn't think about any of that as her walls squeezed him over and over. She cried out her ultimate pleasure, spent and tingling everywhere and she would fall down if it weren't his hands holding her tightly while he speared her a few last times and spilled into the condom with a wild growl.

He leaned against the wall trying to catch his breath, feeling the post orgasmic high mixed with a strange sense of power that she was once at his feet and not vice versa.

Undoubtedly, she guessed correctly his state of mind as she sat down letting the now warm water rinse her hot body and smirked, "By the way, Bailey said she liked your boxers."

**********************************************************************************A/N Mer's one difficult person, but she's making the effort to meet Derek halfway. Next chapter: Mer has to make a certain phone call.

Cheers,

Em :)


	13. Chapter 13: Calm Before The Storm

A/N Thank you for all your somments! I hope you enjoy!

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Meredith picked up her cup of coffee from the cart and strode energetically into the hospital. She scrunched her face; there was something in the air she didn't like. She glanced up at the sky. It wasn't too bad for Seattle but it was definitely too calm. Besides, she loved stormy weather and dark leaden clouds. There was a particularly good spot to admire them at Derek's cliff.

She looked down into her cup before taking a first sip. She didn't like what she saw either. It looked decidedly bland; no distinctive aroma, no enticing color. She sighed and released her hold of the cup over a trash can.

She boarded the elevator, pressed the number of her floor and leaned back against the wall. A hand with a briefcase insinuated itself between the closing door and seconds later she saw Derek's tall form joining her in the tiny space. His face lit up at her sight and she reciprocated radiantly. Maybe the day would be better than she thought.

His briefcase fell to the floor, forgotten, while he marched up to her purposefully, cupped her face and claimed her lips. She moaned happily into his mouth and hooked her arms around his neck, playing with the locks on the nape.

With the practice gained in many common elevator rides, they pulled away before they reached their level. They rearranged their clothing, the abandoned belongings were recuperated from the floor and blissful grins were replaced with glares of utmost loathing.

When the door opened and they parted in opposite directions. No one paid attention to the tension between the two doctors. The scowls and arguments were a common occurrence. No one even registered their entrance, except for Bailey who raised her eyebrows knowingly at Derek. He cast his regard down; he wasn't able to hold her look since the incident in the supply closet. Since then as well, Miranda enjoyed her new favorite pastime – torturing him with her witty remarks. She always liked making fun of him. When he moved to Seattle three years ago, she hated him at first glance, his overly moussed hair as she described it and he was afraid of her. However, with the passage of time, they grew on each other and become friends they could always count on.

Right now, though, Bailey wasn't inclined to make sport of him as she had a very important business on her mind, a business with Dr. Grey.

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"She's been sent from hospital to hospital," said Bailey hurriedly as they sat in the conference room. "No one wants to undertake the treatment."

"And that's what we should do," commented Erica Hahn crossing her legs. "We're not a charity institution."

"I think we stand a very good chance," insisted Bailey. "I've already explained to you my plan of action."

"You don't need my permission," said Meredith ignoring Erica's signs of protest and frowning at Miranda's scheme. She knew the mechanics of the procedure all too well. "If you think you can help that girl, you have all my support."

"That's good," nodded Miranda. "Because I happen to need your substantial support. I used this method several times successfully but never in such an advanced case, that is judged as hopeless by the majority of specialists."

Meredith looked at her quickly with a dread of foreboding. She knew that day wasn't good.

"I feel that I'd be much more at ease if the creator of the method herself overlooked the procedure," stated Miranda. "That is-"

"Dr. Ellis Grey," sighed Meredith fixing her eyes coldly at the scheme.

"Your mother," finished Miranda glancing hopefully at Meredith.

"I believe that's impossible," she replied promptly. "Dr. Grey has an impossibly busy schedule. She can't leave Boston just like that."

"I think you'd be able to convince her. That's why I asked you. She won't refuse the chief of surgery…" Miranda blinked innocently.

"I believe it's impossible," repeated firmly Meredith.

"If… I ever did something for you…" trailed off Miranda expectantly.

Meredith sighed and propped he head on one hand staring at the wall and inner window…

"Who are all these people?" she inquired the sight of at least twenty men and women staring at them from the corridor.

"That's Torrie's family," provided tiredly Miranda. "They are here for her. They are very close knit and Torrie is the centre of their world.

Meredith's lips thinned. Would she have any reservations seeking help from any other doctor than her mother? The answer was simple, no. She wanted her mommy dearest as far from her hospital and her life as possible, especially now that it involved Derek. And the distance of the continent worked just fine.

She once again looked at the hopeful desperate people on the other side of the glass. She had to act like a chief of surgery she was. She had to set aside the grudges in her family so that another one wouldn't be torn apart by a tragedy.

Her gaze travelled heavily back to Miranda's. "I see what I can do."

The shorter doctor smiled, "Thank God you can do everything."

Meredith rolled her eyes and got to her feet as tough facing an execution.

**********************************************************************************

She stared at the phone on her desk, motionless, tensed, breathing as shallowly as possible. One could think she was about to deconstruct a bomb. Meredith figured it would have been a safer option.

What the hell was she doing? She was to give her mother a clear invitation to come and bring havoc into her crazy though satisfying life. But she had to. She had to rise above her trivial problems for the sake of greater good, the life of a young girl.

"What the hell…" she muttered and grabbed the phone abruptly. Many things could be said about her but not that she was a coward.

She dialed the number and soon she heard the familiar voice of Dorothy, her mother's secretary. Yes, her mother was so busy and universally popular that she had her own private secretary.

"_Boston Memorial Hospital. Dr. Elis Grey's office. How can I help you?"_

Meredith cleared her throat and recited, "Dr. Meredith Grey, Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital. I 'd like to speak with Dr. Grey."

There was a moment of silence followed by a loud outburst of laughter_. "Meredith! How are you? It's been months since I saw you! How's the new job? I've been asking Ellis but she won't say a word!"_

Meredith gave a small smile, "It's been great, thank you."

"_What has happened to you?"_ shot Dorothy. _"You sound so formal!"_

"Well, I've got something to discuss with my mother," she sighed. "Is she in?"

"_Yeah, she is. She told me to turn down any callers but it's you, for heaven's sake!"_

"Can you put her on the line?" asked Meredith. "Just introduce me as the chief not the daughter."

"_Right,"_ laughed Dorothy.

Meredith waited a good minute for the call, that was all Ellis Grey…

"_Dr. Ellis Grey speaking,"_ her mother's cold voice sounded in the receiver.

Dr. Ellis Grey, my ass… thought Meredith. The witch knew well enough who was on the line.

"Good morning, Dr. Grey," she greeted her stiffly. "It's Dr. Grey from Seattle Grace. I'm calling to ask if you're available for a consult."

Silence, that was probably not what the older woman expected.

"_A consult, indeed?_" asked Ellis.

"Yes, my own excellent head of general, Dr. Miranda Bailey has a complicated case on her hands and would feel your assistance would be invaluable." She was reduced to sucking up to her mother, great… "Could I fax you the patient's documentation and the devised course of treatment?"

"_I have a lot of my mind… I really don't have the time for this…"_ sighed Ellis. _"But I guess I can give you ten minutes,"_ she decided gracefully.

Meredith felt like gagging but told Patricia to send the files over and waited, waited and waited for her mother to have a look at them with her professional eye while she wondered about the best way to end with herself.

"_Your head of department agreed to take such a case?"_ Ellis's shrill tones would wake up the dead. _"It's a waste of time and resources. And you condone it?"_

Meredith bit her lip, her limited patience brought to its limits. "We're fighting to save a ….old girl, I don't think it's a waste. I would appreciate your help but if you don't have the time for us, we'll be forced to do without it."

She gave Ellis time to revise her options and, "I'll be in Seattle tomorrow, my secretary will call you with the time of my flight. I expect a car at the airport." The line went dead and Meredith stared at the phone fixedly. Her subordinates grumbled about one bitch at Seattle Grace; she was curious how they would stand two of them.

She heard a knock on the door and her own secretary came in.

"Patricia, I'm not available for anyone-"

"Sorry to bother you with this, Chief. We've got kind of a… situation," interrupted the woman, unfazed.

"What now?" sighed Meredith. What else could happen now? A tornado hitting straight at the hospital?

Patricia wordlessly put a piece of paper before her eyes. Meredith groaned.

**********************************************************************************

Half an hour later, she took a place in the middle of the biggest conference room with Patricia at her side. She glared at the crowd consisting of surgical floor staff. Derek kept shooting her curious looks but she avoided his eyes. Didn't she feel like a hypocrite telling them off for…

She cleared her throat making the room instantaneously silent and scowled at them sternly.

"Three interns, four residents and six nurses on this surgical floor have been diagnosed with… syphilis," she announced gravely. She immediately caught furtive looks exchanged by her subordinates and small laughs. Great, just freaking great! Her mother was coming tomorrow and she was the chief of one big orgy, and what's more, she was the biggest whore of them all, a queen of whores. She and Derek must have fucked in every possible place around here.

"There are over 70 thousand new cases every year," backed her Patricia. "Undiagnosed, syphilis can lead to blindness, insanity and death."

"If you are having unprotected sex with another member of the staff, get tested!" growled Meredith. "This is not a request." Another smirks and laughter. She could strangle Derek for the way he was looking at her.

She sighed and stared at the ceiling preparing herself for another gale of laughter, "Patricia will now give you a safe-sex demonstration."

She folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall. Nobody hid with their hilarity any longer as her secretary raised a condom and a banana to everyone's view.

"When the time is right, and gentlemen, you'll all know when that time is, carefully open the condom packet an roll it onto the banana…"

Seeing Derek slowly move into her direction, she slipped from the room.

"Why aren't you learning to have safe sex, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked him when he joined her outside.

"I think we're experts in that field," he quipped quietly.

She rolled her eyes. Well, they were. Although, they recently changed from condoms to the pill. Firstly, it was more comfortable as they didn't need to worry about looking for condom whenever their desire took over. Secondly, she didn't have to make a fool of herself buying condom pack after pack. She usually bought them at a pharmacy on the way to the hospital until she noticed the cashier eyeing her oddly. Like people couldn't have healthy sex lives without being judged… Thirdly, they enjoyed better the feel of their bodies without any barrier.

"You didn't,' he smiled at her.

"I didn't what?"

"Ask me if you should get tested."

She looked at him warmly. "I know you… and I trust you."

"Get a room!" Bailey effectively put an end to the tender moment. "Or into the syph line, it's on another floor, you know."

"We don't need to get into the syph line," he said indignantly.

"Yeah, right," snorted Miranda. "It's because of people like you I have to waste my time and watch adults play with condoms and fruits."

"We're not-" started Derek.

"Uh-uh," she shook her head. "I already know more about your sex life than I ever desired to know." She now looked significantly at Meredith. "And?"

"Yes," she sighed.

Bailey giggled, "Thank you, Dr. Grey."

Meredith shook her head at her retreating back.

"What was that about?" Derek wanted to know.

"About my life going to hell," groaned Meredith and trudged in the direction of her office, Derek at her heels. "A syphilis outbreak and a visit from my mother."

"It's probably unrelated," he grinned.

Meredith wasn't so sure. She wouldn't find it shocking if Ellis sent a syph nurse to sabotage her hospital.

He asked curiously opening the door for her, "Your mother's coming?"

"Yeah," Meredith threw herself onto her chair. "For a consult."

Derek stood beside her and looked at her eagerly, "You think you can introduce me?"

"Introduce you?" she repeated slowly. Which surgeon wouldn't want to be introduced to Ellis Grey?

"I get that and I have no objections that you want us to stay put for now," he went on. "But maybe we can have dinner with your mom, the three of us…"

Meredith gulped as two things in Derek's sentence alarmed her. For now… he agreed to keep their relation secret for now. Sadly, she couldn't envision the moment when they came out into the open. And then, he wanted her to present him to her mother as… her boyfriend. Poor guy, he had absolutely no idea what he was volunteering for.

She ignored his puppy eyes with a twinge in her heart and said flatly, "No."

"No?" he said with a small voice. "Meredith-"

"Derek," she stood up to caress his stubbly cheek affectionately. "It's nothing against you. Quite the contrary, it's better for all of us if she doesn't know I'm in a relationship."

"Why?" he frowned. "It's your own mother."

"You wouldn't have a life if she knew your being around me is not so professional," she argued. "She scared away the first guy that got interested in me in high school because she thought he'd distract me from my studies."

"Meredith, you were in high school," he chuckled. "You're a grown woman now who achieved everything a surgeon can dream about."

"It's not under discussion, Derek," she said imperiously. "Promise me you won't seek acquaintance with her when she comes tomorrow."

"Mer," he pleaded but she stood her ground. "Fine, I promise."

She hugged him and rubbed his back. "Thank you, it's for your own good. I'll make it up to you."

He bit her earlobe lightly, "How about now? We both have time…"

"No!" she jumped away from him. "No sex until I pack her into her plane back to Boston!"

"What?" he exclaimed chasing after her. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"I'm not," she escaped behind her desk. "We can't have sex. My mother will know!"

"How?" he snorted. "And what that has to do with anything?"

"I'll make it up to you," she assured. "Derek, get out now, please."

He sighed resignedly and strode to the door, "Whatever you wish, Chief."

She hated that she was hurting him but it was really to protect him. He would understand that the next day.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith got to her feet from the couch in the living room as soon as she heard the front door being unlocked.

"Hey," said Addie with concern, taking off her jacket. "I've heard, your mother's coming."

"Yeah, at my own doing," grumbled Meredith. "I need a therapy session, Addie."

"What are you so scared off, Mer?" faced her Addison. For weeks now, she tried to weasel out what was happening with her best friend but to no avail. "That your mother will find faults at your hospital or… that she'll find out your secret?"

"My… secret?" Meredith blanched, she thought she managed to keep the truth from Addie.

"At first, I thought you were trying something with that vet," she said with a gentle smile. "But it's obviously not the case. I never thought he was much of your type."

"I'm sorry," breathed out Meredith. "But… I can't…" She couldn't tell Addie because if she did, she wouldn't have the right to demand from Derek to keep secrets from his own best friend, Mark Sloan, and that couldn't happen.

"You can't," Addie shook her head like a mother scolding her child.

"You don't have to worry about me," assured Meredith. "I'm older, wiser…"

"But I always will," smiled Addie. "Are you being careful?"

"I am… and I'm worried about both."

"You can deal with your mother," reasoned Addison. "You learned from her."

"To be a bitch, you mean?" laughed Meredith. "Yes, I learned from the best."

"Maybe she'll be supportive?" shrugged the redhead.

"You think she missed me that much? Or she'll be impressed with my high and mighty position? You should've heard our conversation today."

"But that's just it, Mer!" Addison lied down on the couch lazily. "You are high and mighty. She'll be on your turf, not the other way round."

Addison was right, thought Meredith. She was a grown woman, she was running a hospital. It was time to drop her mommy issues. Ellis Grey won't tell her how to live her life. She grabbed her wallet and her car keys and bolted to the door.

"Where are you going?" Addie shouted after her.

"To clear my head! Don't wait for me!"

**********************************************************************************

Meredith rushed into the trailer hoping to appease Derek. He was mad or maybe just irritated with her as he didn't come out hearing her car and didn't even look at her when she came in.

"Hey," she said softly walking up to him.

"Mhm," he continued to sit fixedly tweaking his fishing rod.

"What are you doing?" she asked plunging her fingers into his beautiful hair massaging his scalp.

"Checking up my fishing gear," he shrugged. "I figured out I had to find something to do since we're no longer going to have sex."

She breathed out with relief, he wasn't pissed off, maybe just a little.

"But I came here for sex," she smiled at him coyly and with the last caress on the top of his head, she swayed her hips towards his bedroom.

"You came here for sex?" he asked feeling his pants tighten uncomfortably against his will. He wanted to stay mad at her but hell, he couldn't. He was defenseless against her eyes, her words, her skin…

"All for you," she shouted from his bedroom, momentarily disappearing from his view. "And now I'm taking off my shirt… and my pants… and now I'm lying down on your bed…" True, he saw her, completely naked, climbing on the covers. She lied flat on her back, pulling up and crossing her legs just to hide the essentials from his view. "Coming?"

He sighed and dropped the rod on the table disinterestedly. Oh, yeah, he was coming… and will be in a few minutes. When he joined her on the bed he was already as bare as she was. He felt he should try to enforce a cool conversation but any resistance against her voluptuous body was futile.

He crouched on top of her and she hooked her legs around his waist.

"I need to feel you inside me," she whispered. "Blow my mind, Derek."

He clasped his fingers with hers and brought their joined hands above their heads so that he almost crushed her with his weight if he hadn't propped himself on his elbows. He wanted to know why her mother's visit was making her a nervous wreck but she adamantly refused to share anything. He didn't insist because she wasn't pushing him away. She was leaning onto him and he was sure that with a bit of patience, she would let him in. In a slightly different sense that she was letting him now.

His tongue sensuously slipped into her mouth and down his penis mimicked its movements. They slowly build their rhythm, meeting each other halfway. They needed no other stimulation than the feel of their bodies sliding against each other. They shared frantic kisses and longing looks while they worked each other up to a frenzy, going faster and faster until they screamed their release and he sprayed her walls with his seed.

He made to roll from her but she tightened her hold of him, pressing his head to her chest. He nuzzled his face to her breasts planting little kisses on the side of her mound while she entangled her fingers in his locks. She leaned to kiss his sweaty forehead.

"Der," she whispered, "we had sex but that doesn't change a thing about your promise, do you understand?"

"Meredith," he sighed, his lids half-closed.

"You promised me, Derek," she reminded firmly. "Please, keep your word."

"If that's what you want," he opened his eyes and looked up at her from her chest, the concern apparent in her irises convincing him like nothing else.

"And a… I'm going to be a cold bitch to you tomorrow. But don't take it personally," she pleaded.

"I'll try," he muttered, "if you promise there'll be a lot of sex afterwards."

She giggled, "It's a deal."

**********************************************************************************

A/N Next chapter: mommy dearest comes to Grace and Derek learns quite a lot about Meredith's past.

Please comment! I know it's a cucumber season but your opinions help me to improve my story and keep me motivated!

Have a nice weekend,

Em


	14. Chapter 14: The Way I Am

A/N Thank you for your comments! This is a pretty angsty update, filled with Ellis and the explanation of Meredith's past. I hope it meets your expectations!

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Meredith stood immobile in the lobby with her arms folded tightly over her chest, Miranda and Erica talking nearby waiting with her for her mother. The plane from Boston with Dr. Ellis Grey on the board landed in Seattle an hour and half ago which meant she would be at the hospital anytime now and which also meant those were the last moment of freedom to enjoy.

Her eyes swept the lobby for the hundredth time and immediately snorted at her foolishness. The hospital could look impeccable and be sterile clean, it wouldn't stop her mother from finding faults. She would find imperfections in God himself if he appeared before her.

She rolled her eyes at her staff's attempts at looking at their best. They were of no use. Ellis Grey didn't like anything and anyone and… here she was, striding down the corridor in her high heels, an eternal scowl on her face and a scared looking cab driver trudging her compact suitcase.

"Dr. Grey," she nodded her head at Meredith.

"Dr. Grey," reciprocated Meredith with equal coldness.

Meredith could detect Bailey's unexpressed astonishment at the level of civility between the mother and daughter but she didn't expect anything else. Ellis came to Seattle for professional reasons and besides that, they didn't part in peace the last time they saw each other in Boston.

"Dr. Grey," took up Meredith and moved to introduce her colleagues. "This Dr. Miranda Bailey I told you about over the phone, my head of general, and Dr. Erica Hahn, head of cardio. You'll be working alongside them."

They shook hands and Bailey started, "Dr. Grey, it's an honor to meet-"

"Is the girl critical?" Ellis cut her across.

"No, she's-"

"Then I need an office at my disposition," she demanded. "I need to change and freshen up after the flight."

"I've got it covered," assured Meredith. "If you follow me, Dr. Grey."

They were about to depart when two residents ran up to introduce themselves to the surgical celebrity.

"Dr. Grey, sorry to interrupt but we admire your work and we wondered if you could-" they got silent when Ellis fixed her hostile glare at them.

"I came from the opposite coast to follow up a difficult case," she barked. "Do you think I have any time to waste on socializing with lowly residents? I hope you'll be able to find the answer to that question on your own if you got in the program. Although, it's clearly not what it once was…" she snorted and walked past .

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"Whoa, did you see that?" choked Izzie after Meredith took her mother to her temporary office. "now we know why Dr. Model's so bitchy; like mother like daughter."

Cristina shrugged her shoulders wordlessly, looking at their boss in a new light. She knew a thing or two about overbearing mothers and Ellis Grey certainly looked like an example of one. She watched the two unfortunate interns sneaking shamefully out of the lobby. That was a new record, brought to tears in fifteen seconds…

There was also another person who saw Meredith Grey in a new light, her boyfriend, Derek Shepherd. The attitude of the older Dr. Grey explained a lot, including Meredith's reticence at his meeting her mother. Derek resolved he would stick to the promise he made, he would stay away from Ellis Grey. Meredith was strong but complicated and he supposed that a row with Ellis would bring her great emotional turmoil.

Ellis looked at lot like her daughter at first glance but she was a bigger woman and had sharper features. Meredith was more delicate. They had the same decisiveness, ruthlessness and cold. But that seemed to be all for Ellis. There was always more about Meredith, the charm, the playfulness and also an incredible warmth and gentleness when they were alone.

Derek sighed and felt sorry for himself as a sudden thought crossed his mind that one day Ellis Grey could be his mother-in-law.

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By lunchtime, Meredith felt suicidal. Ellis criticized everything she came to contact with. She didn't like the office Meredith prepared for her. It turned out that during the time of her residency it was a room where residents liked to gather to study, eat or simply complain about their sorry lives. It was a grand disrespect for her to work in such a place.

She didn't like the scrubs she was given and she ranted that had she known what awaited her in this goddamn place, she would have brought her own. Meredith wondered how she was able to stand her mother's humors for so many years.

Desperately needing to break free from her mother's claws, she excused herself to make a trip to cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee. She didn't offer one for Ellis, she would have to listen to a whole litany of complaints and she just didn't have the energy.

Derek caught up with her in the corridor. He obviously waited for an occasion to speak with her without her mother's presence.

"Hey," he said quietly, looking with concern at her exhausted expression. "You're having a bad day, aren't you?"

"I'll live, I always do. You don't have to worry about me," she grumbled. Her nerves and patience were strained to all imaginable limits. She couldn't worry about him too. Why couldn't he stay away like they agreed to yesterday?

"Meredith-" he began gently.

"I don't have any time to waste, Dr. Shepherd!" she yelled callously and marched off with a sinking heart. Derek took a deep sigh and took another way.

Neither of the noticed that Ellis witnessed their little encounter and didn't like what she saw.

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Meredith wondered if a sudden craving for coffee would work as an excuse to leave her mother's side for the third time. Ellis had a little conference with Miranda and Erica, or rather a one-sided oratory with ineffective attempts at interrupting on the part of the other two doctors. She had two hours of free time until the surgery and she apparently chose to spend them making her daughter's life a living hell.

"Dr. Grey!" Cristina Young reached them crashed against two identical green eyed stares. "That is… Chief… I have to speak to you, urgently, Chief."

Meredith sent silent thanks to the gods. "You'll excuse me, Dr. Grey."

She followed the dark-haired woman and asked, "What is it Dr. Young?"

"Chief, Dr. Jordan Kenley passed away. He had a massive coronary."

Meredith slowed her footsteps. One of her employees was dead, she had to take care of formalities, notify the family, find a replacement impromptu. She was saved from her mother. "Thank God," she muttered under her breath.

Cristina raised her eyebrows with amusement and Meredith realized with horror that she verbalized her thoughts.

"Thank God… that we had such a reliable doctor on our team…" finished Meredith resolutely.

"Yeah, right," snorted Cristina. "Don't worry, sometimes I feel like I'd use a nuclear bomb on my mother, just to make sure she couldn't escape."

Meredith narrowed her eyes at her and asked instead of replying, "Dr. Kenley was one of the eldest surgeons at Seattle Grace?"

"I… guess the second oldest," answered Cristina pensively and added with disapproval in her voice, "After Dr. Campbell."

"You'd like to make a comment about her work?" inquired Meredith shrewdly.

"It certainly leaves a lot to comment," remarked noncommittally the Asian doctor.

"Thank you, Dr. Yang," nodded and made to walk away but suddenly turned back, "A nuclear bomb alone wouldn't annihilate Ellis Grey, I'm afraid."

She left Cristina behind hearing her laughter and returned to the place she had left her mother. Her blood froze in her veins when she saw her ordering Derek to follow her into a conference room… She threw a furtive glance around. Damn, there were too many people to eavesdrop at the door. Wait a minute, there was another door to that room leading from the adjoin one. She sneaked into the mercifully empty room and tiptoed to the door.

She frowned at her mother's strident tones.

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After her daughter made an escape with the young doctor at her side, Ellis looked around the place she once worked at and loved. So many memories, good and bad ones, the best and the worst moments of her life. What an irony of fate that her daughter was working here now too. Her eyes narrowed as they met the raven-haired male doctor she saw earlier with Meredith, Dr. Shepherd that was interested in her daughter too much for her liking.

"Nurse… Debbie," she stopped a passing nurse, making an effort to read her name.

"Yes, Dr. Grey," the woman looked at her curiously. "Can I help you?"

"What can you tell me about Dr. Shepherd?" she asked. "I have a business with him."

"Oh, what kind of business?" demanded Debbie.

"An urgent one," replied flatly Ellis. "Is he a good doctor?"

"An excellent one," assured Debbie. "He's our head of neurosurgery. He was to be the next chief but your daughter came and... you know…"

"He's older than my daughter, isn't he?" stated Ellis conversationally.

"Mid-thirties, he's thirty-five, I believe." Nurse Debbie knew it for sure; every year the nurses gave a piece of birthday cake for the hot doctor in the hope of attracting his attention. But his stomach, and his heart, proved rather unresponsive so far. Still, he was continuously single, so the hope thrived.

"Thank you, Nurse Debbie," Ellis made known that the conversation was over.

Debbie walked off with a smirk. Well, well, well… The younger Dr. Grey couldn't stand the sight of the man. The older one, on the other hand, seemed to be very interested in him. Poor Dr. Shepherd! Oooh, they were going to have a field day!

"Dr. Shepherd," Ellis approached Derek sternly. "I'd like to talk to you."

"Doctor-"

She didn't wait for his answer and walked into an empty conference room.

Derek followed her with a frown on his face, having no idea what it was all about. He was sure Meredith hadn't made any confessions to her mother.

"Dr. Grey, I don't believe we've met."

"We haven't," she shot back. "And I hope we never will again."

"Excuse me?" he breathed out.

"I won't beat around the bush," she pierced him with her eyes. "Stop every damn thing about my daughter."

"What-"

"You're not talking when I'm talking," she said the phrase he sometimes heard from Meredith's lips. "I know you're hanging around her, chasing her. I saw how you were looking at her."

Derek's mouth went dry, he didn't know what to say even if he could interrupt.

"For you, it might be an innocent flirt, a fling, fun. You think you're a charmer, I know the type, a conceited arrogant neurosurgeon," she scorned. "For my daughter, it would only be a distraction. She has an incredible potential, she's a force of nature. As she said so decidedly herself, you're only wasting her time."

Derek inhaled deeply, his features hardening, wondering how much more abuse he was able to take. He felt the worst was still to come but some part of him wanted to hear out everything Meredith's mother had to say.

"She's way out of your league," she jeered pitilessly. "A chief of surgery at 29, she beat you for that position, what does that tell you? I can give you a hint if you want. You're too old, your career is dead, whereas Meredith, she has a lot to achieve. I know one day she'll wake up from her silly stupor. She'll leave this godforsaken hole and come back to the East Coast. I don't want anything dragging her down when that moment comes! I hope we're clear," she spitted out and stormed out of the room, shutting the door with a thud.

Derek sat down heavily in one of the chairs, feeling drained and exhausted. Ellis Grey seemed to suck the life out of him. He never felt inferior to Meredith, if anything he was flattered she took interest in him but now… thanks to Ellis he felt like a useless piece of trash.

On the other side of the wall, Meredith slid to the floor in equal distress. She fought back the tears that forced themselves into her eyes. She never cried, she never cried. She swallowed back the sobs that threatened to shake her body. Every word Ellis uttered to Derek, her precious man, cut deeply through her heart. Oh, how she hated her mother right now, like never before. She dared to hurt Derek… Meredith knew he was hurting. His silence and the tormented sigh with which he sat down told her so.

She craved to run into the other room and take him into a loving embrace, kissing the pain away. But what would she say to him? What could she possibly say to him after all he heard from her own mother? She'd be surprised if he ever wanted to be around her anymore. When Ellis Grey made on order, everyone around had to obey, and they usually did. What was she going to do if Derek did?

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Unsurprisingly, the gallery overlooking the OR where Dr. Grey was performing a surgery was filled to the brim. The faces of the many spectators expressed a range of emotions. In most of the cases, it was admiration. Ellis Grey was truly a surgical goddess. Her hands possessed an uncommon skill and agility. She was resourceful and never lost her head finding an exit from every tight spot. Many others compared the work of the mother to that of her daughter.

Derek observed her work from a corner, noticing unmistakable moves and reactions Meredith also presented while at the operating table. It was clear Ellis was her first and most important teacher.

His encounter with her still weighed heavily on his mind. How could it not? For a briefest of seconds, he mused over the truths in her words, considering if he imposed himself on Meredith and if she would be really better off without him. But he could no longer imagine his life without her. He felt for her… He didn't want to name yet what he felt for her but he knew subconsciously and yearned for her to feel the same. He was in it for a long haul and Ellis Grey and all her spite wouldn't drive him away, nothing could, neither Meredith herself nor her mother. Now he only worried for Meredith, he could distinguish the distress in her eyes. He was slightly ashamed to admit it but he hoped Ellis wouldn't decide to stay for long.

Another person shared the exact same wish. Meredith stood fixedly, still seething with anger though her unshed tears dried from her eyes. She remarked with grim satisfaction that her mother's skills not exceeded her own. Although, surely, her mother would comment wryly that they were nothing alike since Meredith had chosen to specialize in neurology, strongly against Ellis's will and advice.

The procedure finally came to an end, leaving the little patient stable. Meredith concluded with relief that there was nothing that held Ellis back at the hospital and since her daughter's affairs surely wouldn't keep her interest, her departure was imminent. She couldn't wait to bid her farewell and try to pick up the pieces that seemed to be her relationship with Derek.

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Just as Meredith assumed, Ellis had no intention of staying in Seattle than it was professionally necessary. Saying as little as possible, fearing a longer utterance might provoke an angry outburst on her part, she saw her mother off to the busy lobby. Like in the morning a lot of curious people waited to see her.

She made no sign that she had heard Ellis's conversation with Derek. She was aware that it wouldn't end with empty threats if Ellis as much as suspected that Derek was not at all indifferent to her. She would stay behind and poison their lives, scaring off every possible "distraction" like she always did, making Meredith a person focused only on her studies and work and… the loneliest girl in the world.

Ellis, however, was not going to disappear without the last word and seeing the glint in her mother's eyes, Meredith knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. Ellis buttoned her coat and stated loftily, "A lot has changed in that place since I set my foot here for the last time. I don't know who is to be blamed for that, you or Richard."

Meredith jaw tightened and she prepared herself for what was to come.

"This institution will never be what it aspires to," continued Ellis with a shake of her head. "There's no focus, the staff are more concerned with their personal life than work, maybe to cover its poor quality."

Finished, that was what Meredith's patience was. Enough was enough. Ellis abused her in every possible way. She couldn't protect Derek from her hatred but at least she would protect her hospital.

"I happen to disagree," hissed Meredith straightening up to her full height. "There's no doubt in my mind that we're the finest surgical team in America, or at least we're soon going to be. Thank you for your services, Dr. Grey. I'll walk you off."

She didn't give her mother a chance to reply and shot towards the elevators. The onlookers heard enough of that humiliating conversation.

"You're making a mistake, a big one," pronounced Ellis in a quieter voice. "I know you're staying here for him."

Meredith's head whipped at her at once, "What?" Her heart beat wildly. Did she figure out the truth about Derek after all?

"Do you think he cares?" snorted Ellis. "He abandoned you at the age of five!"

Meredith breathed out but it wasn't relief. Her mother completely misread what was going on with her, not the first time though, so it didn't come as a surprise. Since she came to Seattle to take over the position of the chief, she didn't even think about her father. First, it was her job that consumed all her attention then Derek rocked her world, making her forget about everything. But now the memories were coming crashing down on her.

"Ask him, see if he cares," jeered Ellis. "Do you like his current wife or his two lovely daughters? One happy family, isn't it?"

For a moment, Meredith didn't know how to respond. She just stood in utter shock and disbelief. It was too much, the day was too much. How Ellis always found pleasure in hurting her, she couldn't fathom.

"Goodbye, Dr. Grey," she managed to grit out. "You know your way out."

"Meredith, I'm talking to you!"

She ignored her mother and hurried away with a stormy look on her face that informed everyone ahead to get the hell out of her way. She needed to vent in solitude. She needed her dark place she didn't resort to visit for a long time. "Not now," she shot at a concerned Addie.

Derek observed the last minutes of Dr. Grey's presence at Seattle Grace from a distance, just like many other of his colleagues did. An angry murmur of indignation washed over them as the famous surgeon expressed her views on the hospital, and then another one, of solidarity when their Chief stood up to defend them.

He followed the mother and daughter with his eyes and registered with worry that Ellis continued to sting, throwing Meredith completely off balance. The woman he grew to care so much for was somewhere between livid and wounded. He didn't waste a heartbeat to go after her inconspicuously. He wasn't going to let her be in this state alone.

He saw her sneaking into a room in the peripheries of the hospital he was sure he never visited. He entered the place with curiosity, noticing different kinds of pipes and cables sticking out of the walls, a metallic crate that made up the floor and his Meredith.

At the sound of the opening door, she whirled around to face the intruder, meeting the troubled eyes of the person she both longed and feared to see the most.

"Leave, Derek!" she pleaded. "Just leave!" She felt she was going to cry, the first time in years and she didn't want Derek to be the witness of her breakdown.

"No," he refused gently but leaving no place to doubt he was going to stand by her. "We're in this together, I'm not bailing."

She looked around wildly, pushing her hair out of her face distractedly. "I'm sorry for what she told you," her breath hitched, a shudder shook her body. "I… I hate her so much for what she said to you-"

"You know?" he frowned coming closer to her. "Meredith, it's not your fault."

"Yes, it is!" she yelled when the violent gust of air came from under their feet ruffling their clothes and taking Derek by surprise. Meredith giggled wildly, inhaling deeply.

She sobered instantaneously and asked, "You wanna know why I'm like this? What happened to me?" she pointed at herself. "Ellis Grey is what happened to me, my mother happened to me."

"I was born in Seattle, I lived in Seattle with my mother and my father until I was five."

"Mer," he whispered soothingly. He wanted her to talk and open up to him but not like this, not when she was in so much pain.

"And then my parents divorced; I don't know why," she paced around with her arms around herself. "My father walked out of the house and never came back. I've never seen nor heard from him again, not once."

Derek wondered on numerous occasions why his girlfriend never mentioned her dad though the name of her mother appeared in their conversations from time to time.

"My mother took me to Boston," continued Meredith with unseeing eyes. "We both practically lived at hospital until I was old enough to stay in the house myself, to learn of course. I wasn't a child prodigy," she shrugged. "Maybe an intelligent kid but I was always buried in my books. My mother pushed me forward and forward and she was never satisfied with the notes I brought, even when they were the highest in the school. I never had any friends or boyfriends, I didn't have the time for them. And if anyone got too close to me, she would drive them away because they could only be a distraction for me."

Derek looked sadly at the suddenly small woman before him. He always complained jokingly his sisters made his life unbearable but Meredith's childhood had to be lonely and miserable.

"With my grades I was able to skip a few years and I was allowed to start college at sixteen, underage, immature and knowing very little about the real life," she snorted bitterly. "But I was free from my mother's grasp for the first time, free to do whatever I wanted. My mother assumed I reached adulthood they day she left me at the campus."

Derek studied her face feeling she was heading somewhere even darker and scarier than before down her memory lane.

"I met Addison right the first day and it immediately hit off. She comes from an overbearing home too. We properly celebrated breaking free, lots of wild parties, lots of alcohol and crack. After a few days, Addie started to wind down. I didn't. I enjoyed my so called freedom too much. I've never seen so many fucked up people in my life and I fit right in because I was even more fucked up than the rest. I discovered two things that made me forget about anything else, alcohol and sex," she stared at the wall, shame cursing in her blood. "I don't even know what my first time was, I was too drunk. And then I met a guy… at club," her voice quivered. "He wasn't a student, he was a couple of years older, he was intriguing, sexy and… apparently liked my blowjobs. Whereas I was both impressionable and impressed. He didn't care about anything else in the world either, just booze and drugs, and sex."

Was it her first relationship Meredith told him about? Derek almost dreaded the answer.

"He was the first guy that stack around and he wanted me as I was, wild and unrestrained. I followed him blindly in some liquor boosted frenzy. So I just left, nothing mattered anymore, certainly not books and studying. I left Addie, I left college just like I was standing."

She let out a small tortured laugh and sat on a metal box, "We landed in a trailer park, living mainly on sex and booze. I took all the money from my bank account and Chace brought some cash too. I learned later that he was a drug dealer but at the point I didn't give a damn. He could be a killer and I wouldn't."

"How did you get out of that?" asked Derek with astonishment crouching before her, taking her cold hands in his.

"That's when Addison comes into the picture again," sighed Meredith. "About a month after I left with Chace, she came to look for me. I was still enrolled at college and my absences started to be frowned upon. Addie found me and dragged me into her car. I must have been drunk again because I wouldn't have left on my free will. She kept me locked in our room until I sobered up. My head hurt and I threw up all the time, and everything I wanted was to get back to Chace and my liquor. Thinking was painful and every second I spent sober I felt dirty."

She trembled and choked back a sob. "Addie couldn't babysit me all the time. One day she didn't, I sneaked out to return to the trailer. I didn't see what I expected to see though. The trailer was locked up, no sign of Chace. I asked around and… they told me he was dead."

Derek moved up to take her stiff tensed form in his arms. He was sure she was crying but he couldn't tell as her face was hidden from his view by her hair.

"He… he died two days earlier. Overdosed heroin… Accidentally," she sniffed her nose. "Addie didn't have to come for me again. I got back by myself. It sobered me up like nothing else."

Derek rubbed soft soothing circles on her back. He couldn't quite believe her story, the story of a 16-year-old girl that was so lost and helpless, looking for a little affection in her life.

"I cried for days on Addie's shoulder, feeling worthless and useless. But it got better eventually, I learned to live with that," she wiped her face. "I managed to remain at college. The alcohol hadn't killed all my brain cells, I worked hard to make up for the classes I missed. By the end of the semester, I was at the top again. Like nothing happened. Only I changed, I became a superbitch relying only on herself and not able to trust anyone. I hadn't been very social before, must have taken a lot after my mother but after… I wouldn't look at anyone twice if they weren't connected with my work."

"Oh, Meredith," he sighed painfully and kissed her forehead. Addison Montgomery was his favorite person right now. Derek felt sure had Meredith stayed at that trailer another few days, she would have ended up dead like that shady Chace character. "God, you came this close to…" He couldn't get close enough to her, making sure she was safe and sound.

"Is that why your mother's so harsh with you?" he asked clearing his throat from emotion.

"Nah," she snorted. "She has no idea."

"What?" demanded Derek indignantly. "She… she didn't know her underage daughter left the campus? That she lived God knows where for a month?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "She didn't call, she was busy at the hospital. We didn't talk that much when I lived in the house, she didn't feel she was obliged to check up on an adult."

"This is… this is…" he searched for a right word.

"Convenient," stated Meredith. "If she had the faintest idea, I wouldn't have a life."

"Still, she's your mother," he argued, horrified. "I can't imagine my mom not being there for me or any of my sisters."

Meredith pulled away from him, standing up, finally showing him her face with now red-rimmed eyes.

"I told you didn't want to know me," she whispered. "Because I'm dark and twisty inside and I come from a sick family. And I have mommy and daddy issues, which won't be resolved just like that because apparently my father replaced me with a new bright and shiny family. Who would like to be around a person like that? I won't hold it against you."

"Hold against what?" frowned Derek following her to the crate again.

"Leaving," she shrugged. "I know you're disgusted with me. Who wouldn't be?"

"Meredith," he breathed out and took her in her arms making her look into his eyes. She was in the most vulnerable state he ever saw her; she just bared her soul to him, telling him all her darkest secrets. And she thought he was going to leave her. "Meredith, I told you I wasn't bailing. I don't think any less of you after what I heard. If anything, you amaze me even more. You're stuck with me, Meredith Grey." He sent her a soft smile but she kept blinking at him insecurely brushing the remnants of tears.

"I care for you, a lot," he went on. To tell the truth, he loved her. He realized that now but he wasn't going to tell her right away. She had too many worries today, he suspected the declaration of his love would freak her out. "I need you."

He tilted her head upwards and grazed her lips delicately with his. Her eyes were still wide open, he saw that trough his half-closed ones. She was rigid in his arms, undoubtedly expecting him to jerk away suddenly. He applied more pressure at her mouth, licking it with his tongue to pry inside.

Finally, she relented with a sigh and let him kiss her like he wanted. "I need you too, so much," she moaned and hooked her hands around his neck.

They got lost in the sensuous contact until the air hit them again. Meredith squealed and jumped up in his arms. He grinned and continued kissing her, goose bumps erupting on his skin every time the wind enveloped them. He felt a strange surge of force within him. They were going to make it through everything and he would be the person she waited for all her life.

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A/N Please, comment!

In the next couple of updates, MerDer letting some people into the secret, oh and a bit more of Maddison in the following chapter.

Cheers,

Em :)


	15. Chapter 15: It's Serious

A/N Hey, thank you for your ongoing interest in the fic and all the supportive comments! Every review brings a smile on my face.

So, Ellis is gone for now and the next couple of updates focuses on MerDer growth. Hope you enjoy!

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Meredith strolled along the shelves of the store wondering what else she was going to need to for the afternoon. Strawberries… definitely… she'd have to remember to put whipped cream into the cart.

Meredith Grey was doing something she had never envisioned herself doing, caring for a boy. Since she confessed him the whole truth, he was nothing short of attentive and warm, taking care of her every possible way he could even if she completely recovered from her unfortunate encounter with her mother. Derek, though, believed that the knowledge of his father's new family weighed heavily on her mind, and so pampered her every wish and dream.

Meredith though was in a much better disposition that her secret boyfriend supposed. True, sometimes she fought the urge to put Ellis's honesty to test and see if her father really replaced her with two new perfect daughters. Though every time her hand reached for the yellow pages to find his number, she jerked it away in apprehension and brushed it off from her thoughts. It wasn't that difficult; Thatcher was now only a distant figure in her memory, a man she probably wouldn't recognize if she passed him on the street. Instead she threw herself heart and soul in the whirlwind of her work and her romance with Derek, not necessarily of that order of importance.

Every day convinced her a little bit more about the significance of his presence in her life. She realized with both awe and fear that without him everything would seem trivial and colorless. Normally, such an illumination would make her run for the hills. But Derek was patient and lenient and gave her time. They were making baby steps, no sudden moves. Meredith appreciated that Derek agreed to go according to her pace and today she wanted to do something in return…

"Meredith!"

She turned towards the owner of the somehow surprised voice and saw her antecedent at the position of the chief, Richard Webber.

"Meredith," he smiled widely and came closer. "How have you been?"

"I…" she chuckled. So much happened in her life. "Good, really great."

"I'm sure," commented Richard pensively. "You look positively radiant."

"Thank you," she smiled. "And you? We haven't heard from you like you promised in ages." Come to think about it, she didn't see him since their meeting at Joe's all those months ago when she came to inquire about his motives for supporting her nomination. She thought that the retirement wasn't kind for the older surgeon. He didn't look rested and relaxed at all, and she was sure there were some new wrinkles she hadn't seen before.

"Richard cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Yes, well… to tell the truth, I've just got divorced."

"Divorced?" Meredith's jaw hit the floor in shock. "I'm… I'm sorry. That's really not my business."

"Don't be," Richard calmed her down. "We tried to work out the things but it was too late. Our marriage was dead for years."

Meredith was engulfed by somber thoughts. She only met his wife Adele once but she thought the Webbers were one of those strong marriages. They must have been together for years. Adele seemed so supportive the day that Richard retired. She was always on his side.

"Is is… is it really impossible?" asked Meredith gravely. "To have both a career and a relationship?"

Richard studied her hardened face and brilliant eyes. "You're seeing someone," he stated more than asked making her blush furiously and nod with reluctance.

He looked at her quickly and scanned the contents of her cart. "That's why you're here and not at work like I always was."

She flushed even more under his scrutiny and gripped the cart tightly.

"Is he a good man?" sighed Richard.

"Yes…" frowned Meredith, not exactly sure where he was headed.

"Is he married?"

"No!" she shot indignantly. "What kind of question is that?"

"It's something serious?" continued Richard relentlessly.

Meredith shrugged trying to appear indifferent, "It feels so."

Richard pondered a couple of seconds in silence staring somewhere above her shoulder. "It is possible," he confessed heavily. "With the right person, it is possible."

An awkward silence fell upon them until a sudden idea crossed Meredith's mind.

"Did you… I wonder if you knew my father," she said pushing stray hair off her face.

"Why do you ask?" Richard turned to her giving her a sharp look.

"You knew my mother, you were friends, so I thought…" she trailed off. "I don't have much contact with my father… none actually… and my mother was here last month-"

"Ellis was here?" asked Richard excitedly.

"Yeah," nodded Meredith flinching at the memory. "For a consult."

"Oh, right," he stared at his hands. "Can you call me? When she's in town next time, I mean?"

"Sure, sure," agreed Meredith with raised eyebrows. So not happening, she cringed inwardly. She'd move heaven and earth to stop her mother from coming to Seattle again.

The conversation ran dry and they soon parted, both of them thinking about someone close to their hearts.

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"Mom," sighed Derek into his cell phone trying unsuccessfully to interrupt his mother. Balancing the phone between his cheek and shoulder, he pulled up in his driveway and replaced the air conditioned interior of his car with the sweltering afternoon heat. He smiled seeing Meredith's silver Porsche parked in the shade of a tree. Earlier on, he received a note that they were going to celebrate the first day of summer on his land and since then he was dead curious what she had planned. Knowing Meredith it was something he would extremely appreciate. But first, he needed to gently finish the conversation with his mother.

"Derek, are you still here?" she sighed. "Are you even listening?"

"Yes, Ma," he answered meekly entering the trailer. He unfastened a couple of buttons on his shirt and glanced around. Meredith must be somewhere out.

"Derek, I know exactly what are you thinking right now," took up his mother. "You wish that this old lady would stop ranting in your ear. But so it happens that this lady is your mother and has every right to rant and ask how her only son has been!"

"Mom, I told you," said quickly Derek to appease her. "Everything's good. Great even." He moved towards the bed and spotted a couple of strawberries. There was a piece of paper stuck underneath the saucer.

"Great?" asked Carolyn.

"Never better," he breathed out reading Meredith's note. _Follow the strawberries…_

He bit one of the ripe fruits tasting the moist sweetness. He was sure there was only a matter of time before he tasted something even better and… not something he wanted to think about while conversing with his mother. He was half afraid Carolyn was able to read his dirty mind from the other side of the continent.

"What about New York?" insisted Carolyn.

"What about it?" asked Derek absentmindedly as he felt the hot air again and searched the environs for red berries. There was one glistening in the sun on the trail that led up to the lake.

"Sweetheart, you were thinking about coming back home a couple of months ago," she reminded. "Have you made up your mind yet? I think it's time."

"A couple of months ago…" he muttered going forward searching for strawberries in the tall grass. A couple of months ago he didn't have a clue what to do with his life but now, now he had a pretty clear idea. Moving anywhere out of Seattle was out of the question. Not without Meredith. "Mom, I'm staying in Seattle."

"You're staying," she repeated slowly. She was not altogether surprised with his choice but with the decisiveness and energy in his voice. "Can you tell me why?"

"I… my life is here now, Mom," he replied. He turned left and away from the way to the lake. Instead, he circled around a wild clamp of bushes, picking up another strawberry.

"But what about your work?" inquired Carolyn. "What about your ambitions? You're consenting to work under that woman?"

Derek felt his skin heat up, and not just because of the blazing sun. He was more than willing to work under that woman… or wherever she wanted him really…

"Derek?"

"It's… it's really fine, Mom," he took a deep breath and went out of the bushes. "Holly mother…" the words escaped his lips as he took in the sight before him. Meredith was sprawled on her stomach on a blanket underneath a tall tree… smiling up at him seductively… completely naked…

His pants tightened instantaneously, as she reached one of her hands she was propped on to take one of the red fruits between her full lips, uncovering her breasts that were grazing the blanket. He slowly made his way towards her.

"What did you say? Derek?"

He completely forgot that his mother was still on the line.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I have to go, I'll call you another time," he muttered and flipped his cell closed.

"Don't mind me," said Meredith sweetly and rolled onto her back looking at him upside down. "Finish your conversation, Mama's boy."

He narrowed his eyes at her and stood near the edge of the blanket trying to keep a cool head in spite of the utterly bare curves of his girlfriend.

"Mer," he swallowed with difficulty. "You're naked… in the middle of my land…"

"A very astute observation, Dr. Shepherd," she whispered and sat up on her legs, her hair flying wildly down her chest.

"You walked up here form the trailer… naked?" he gulped. "Someone might see you."

"Like who?" she shrugged. "You said yourself it would have to be an escaped convict. But… if you'd rather have me clothed…" She got to her feet and made to wrap the blanket around her but he stopped her. "That's what I thought…" she breathed into his neck.

"So what are we celebrating? The beginning of the summer?" he asked caressing her sides.

"Among other things," she replied coyly. "But you're not quite ready."

"How am I not ready?" he quipped and ground his middle against her, making sure there was no mistake about his desire for her.

She giggled sweetly occupying her fingers with the buttons of his shirt, "There's this one rule about celebrating… hot… summer…" she pronounced every word and pushed the material off his shoulders. "You have to be naked…"

"That can be arranged," he breathed and pulled down his trousers and boxers. He stumbled onto the blanket almost tripping while taking off his socks and shoes.

She chuckled at his eagerness and eased him onto his back. She straddled him and brought a strawberry dipped in the cream to his mouth. He lifted his head but Meredith jerked her hand away playfully.

"I want my strawberry," he pouted.

"Oh, really," she smiled and swallowed the fruit herself only to bring her lips on his.

"But I guess this is better…" he moaned into her mouth. She kissed him soundly and trailed her hot mouth over his stubbly jaw, the pulse point on his neck, his hard chest and his swollen hardness. She teased him mercilessly with her lips and tongue.

Derek gripped the blanket tightly in his hands as Meredith worked him up closer and closer towards his release. God, he loved her, he loved her so much. He bit his lip so as not to vocalize his feelings. Those moments when he was on the brink of confessing his love to her happened incredibly often but he always managed to stifle his words. Every time seemed not to be the right time.

He focused his attention on Meredith's ministrations and braced himself for the wild release he felt approaching in every cell of his body but… she pulled her head away and crept up to his eyelevel.

He groaned in protests but she put a finger on his lips.

"Shh," she made him the sign to be quiet. "I wanted to thank you."

He blinked at her, "For what?"

"For making me feel… special," she smiled at him caressing his temples, pushing his soft hair away. "Like I was the only woman in the world, like I was wanted."

"You are," he whispered and lifted his palms to rub her forearms delicately. "You are, wanted, needed, and certainly the only woman I notice."

Her heart beat so fast it could crack her ribs and jump out of her chest.

"God, Derek," she breathed. "I can't wait…" She moved down his body once again, only this time she lowered her wet core onto his hardness instead of her mouth. She felt that she could say things to him, words that not a single person in her life heard from her lips. But she was way too unprepared to say them so the best way to show Derek how she felt was sex. That was one of the things she was really good at.

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Addie woke up in the on call room to the sound of her alarm clock. The day surely was slow and now her shift was over. She trudged from the bunk bed and made to impose some law and order upon her messy ponytail. Her hands stilled abruptly when the door opened to reveal Mark Sloan, pleasantly surprised at her sight.

He hesitated for the briefest of seconds in the doorway only to walk in and close the door slowly. He leaned back on it with a smile not breaking the silence that fell between them.

He cocked his head at her and walked up facing her while she stood with her hands still in her hair.

"Dr. Montgomery," he nodded gently.

"Dr. Sloan," the corners of her mouth lifted a little involuntarily.

They were playing cat and mouse for months… but never locked alone in an on call room. Suddenly, all the air seemed to be sucked out of the limited space and they lunged at each other, attacking each other's lips. They fell on the bed Addison just left.

"I should've… done it … ages ago…" he muttered not breaking their breathless kiss.

"Wouldn't have let you," snickered Addison, her hands wandering underneath his scrub top.

Mark snorted nibbling on her neck, "Because of you sweetheart I've been on the longest sex starvation since I was fourteen…"

"Really?" she breathed. "I saw you with nurses every other evening… at the bar…"

"I wasn't with the damn nurses," he confessed impatiently, sneaking his palms on her breasts. "Was trying to look out for Derek… he's being weird…" he breathed massaging her ample mounds. "But he's… at hospital… all the time anyway… doesn't talk… only has this silly grin on his face… But why are we talking about him right now? I have someone else on my mind right now," he suckled on her neck with a smile.

Addison surrendered to Mark's attentions and the feel of iron hard erection against her thigh. God, the man had equipment… and then it hit her. _All the time at hospital… doesn't talk… silly grin on his face_… Addie stilled in Mark's embrace. How could she be so stupid and blind, or maybe too occupied with McSteamy, not to notice something that was going on just under her nose? _Meredith Grey, you sneaky thing… doing McDreamy all the time and pretending to hate him._

Addison bolted from the bed suddenly making Mark slump on the covers.

"Sorry," she apologized breathlessly fixing her hair once again. "I'll… I'll catch up with you later."

She quickly slipped out of the room leaving the disgruntled plastic surgeon alone with a very hard problem to solve.

"Wait! Come back!" he yelled after her fruitlessly. How was that possible? He had her in his arms, in bed… about to really have her… and she just walked out. He pounded that flat pillow with his fist irritably, that woman was going to drive him mad.

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Addison paced the kitchen glancing out of the window from time to time. When she got home from the hospital, Meredith was absent, which didn't surprise Addie in the slightest. Meredith took a day off and was probably enjoying the free time with Derek Shepherd. But Addison wasn't discouraged, she would get her hands on her sister when she got back, and she certainly would, eventually.

Bingo, Meredith's car rolled into the driveway violently. Addison quickly climbed onto the barstool and continued to nurse her glass of juice as on any other day.

"Hey," Meredith stormed into the kitchen with a big smile and even bigger tan. Derek got called back to the hospital and Meredith decided to get back home. She threw the keys on the counter and filled a glass with cold water. "That was one hot day, wasn't it?"

"You tell me," said Addie innocently. "So… is he any good?"

"Who?" asked Meredith relishing the cool liquid flowing down her throat.

"McDreamy, of course," shrugged Addie. "You know, the guy you let in your pants."

"What?" Mer choked on her water and it flew out of her nose. She coughed drying her face. "What?"

"To cut it short, I know everything. Oh well, I know that you and a certain Derek Shepherd have been making sweet eyes behind everyone's back for months now."

"I… I'm…"Meredith stood speechless looking straight into Addison's eyes until a much more worrying thought entered her brain. "How do you know?" she asked quietly.

"McSteamy told me-" started Addie.

"McSteamy told you?" Meredith shrieked in disbelief. "He doesn't know, he's not supposed to know!"

"Relax! He only told me that Derek had been acting weird," Addie calmed her down. "Much like you, I realized, and all the pieces fell into place."

"I'm… I'm sorry," muttered Meredith wringing her fingers, feeling like a child confessing to their mother that she made a misdeed.

"For what exactly?" asked Addie sipping on her juice. "For being carefree and happy like I've never seen you before?"

"It's just that… I'm having a hard time, you know," Meredith tried to explain gesticulating wildly. "And he's so… and he makes me feel…"

"You're falling for him!" exclaimed Addie.

"I. am. not," Meredith pronounced every word, manifesting her apparent indifference.

"You so are," Addie rolled her eyes.

"Am not!"

"So are," Addie shook her head. "So, how is the sex?"

"Addie!"

"What?" the red head shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not getting any, help a girl with a few details. Besides, you owe me."

"You're not getting any," grinned Meredith taking the stool opposite Addie. "What about McSteamy? You said yourself a couple of minutes ago that you're friendly with him."

"I was getting friendly with him," sighed her best-friend. "Very friendly if you know what I mean. But then he told me all about Derek's problems and I put two and two together and well, I kind of left him."

"You kind of left him?" asked Meredith curiously. "Like where?"

"In an on call room," Addie brushed off noncommittally picking up an apple from the tray.

"In an on-call room," Meredith quirked his eyebrow and then started laughing uncontrollably. "You left him with a boner?"

Addison grinned, "It'll do good for his ego." Her expression turned serious, "So, you and Derek Shepherd…"

"Yeah," Meredith sighed playing with a pear she took in her hands. "I'm really sorry, Addie. It was just easier this way, you know? Just the two of us…"

"A bit like you and Chace?" asked Addison.

"No!"Meredith denied vehemently. "Not at all! It's… so much different! Derek is… nothing like him!"

"Hmm, what happened with asshole and big dick?" smirked Addie.

Meredith chuckled remembering their initial animosity. "We're just… drawn, you know? We can't keep our hands off each other and about the big dick, well…"

They burst out in laughter. When they sobered up a little, Addison reached out across the table to squeeze Meredith's hand. "I'm happy for you, if you ever need to freak out, I'm here."

Meredith reciprocated her grasp, feeling suddenly lighter at being open with her best friend.

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Derek rang the doorbell at Meredith's house. A few hours before he received a text from Meredith telling to come over as Addie knew everything. From what he could deduce from that dry message, she wasn't panicked or freaked out. Derek convinced himself it was a good omen. Maybe Meredith felt more assured of their relationship and decided to confide in her best friend. He sure wanted to do that. Sometimes his enthusiasm and excitement threatened to explode and talking to Mark would do just fine; not to mention, the growing guilt at lying to his best buddy since school days.

The door opened and he came face to face with Addison Montgomery.

"Uhm, hi," he stammered.

"Hey, come on in," she smiled at him inviting him inside. "Mer's taking a shower but she'll be downstairs in a tick. We haven't had dinner yet."

"Thanks," he said. "The kitchen?"

"Yeah, first door on the left… which you obviously now," she commented dryly seeing him march straight into the kitchen purposefully.

"Well, I've kind of… been here before," replied Derek not liking the way Addison's eyes turned into narrow slits.

"Okay, Meredith's still upstairs which is very convenient, as I'd like a few words with you," she sighed. "I've known you for these couple of months and you seem like a nice guy."

Derek leaned back against the cupboard feeling self-conscious. He was already put through the ringer by Ellis. While the red haired doctor was certainly less judgmental and more objective, he felt nervous.

"Then again," Addie folded her arms over her chest. "You were once a complete asshole to my friend. And I'd like to know what caused that radical change of heart. Meredith is clearly into it, meaning it's a huge deal for her; you don't know how huge. If you're here just to grab a hot piece of ass then-"

"I'm not," interrupted Derek firmly. "I'm aware I behaved like, using your words, a complete asshole. I apologized for that to Meredith. And I admit it all started with chemistry and sex but it's… so much more now. It's not just the sex."

Addison studied his face, "Meredith is a difficult person, I know better than anyone. You say it's more than sex, but can you really stick around?"

"If I wasn't sure of that, I'd be gone a long time ago," argued Derek, a little tired of the grilling. "Sticking around is not a problem, staying away is. I'm sorry, did… Meredith tell you about us?"

"Nope," sighed Addie. "I deduced. Sit down, won't you."

"I'm sorry if you get the impression that I'm prying into someone else's business," she went on placing the plates on the table. "But Mer's business is my business, I always look after her. And it's… it looks serious, this thing between you and her."

Derek watched her wordlessly.

"I don't want her to face any more disappointments. She… she came through a lot," Addie said quietly.

"I know," nodded Derek.

"No, I really mean she had her share of hell-"

"I know," repeated Derek. "I know everything."

"Everything?" Addie looked at him with wide eyes. "About… Chace?"

Derek nodded gravely.

"Why…" she blinked several times in wonder. "It is serious."

"What are you talking about?" Meredith slipped soundlessly in the room in a thin bathrobe, with her hair wrapped in a towel. "Let me guess, me."

She went in and planted a sound kiss on Derek's lips.

"Sure, sure," Addison opened the oven to check the state of their dinner. "You're the center of the universe, keep telling yourself that."

"Addison was just about to tell me if I passed the test," chuckled Derek, his hand wandering to her waist on its own.

"What's your verdict, Addie?" Meredith sat on the stool next to her man. "I'm dying to know."

"I'm still in two minds…" Addie pretended to think carefully.

"Hmm, remember what I told you earlier?" Meredith giggled wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Ahhh," Addie slapped herself on the forehead with a smile. "I'm giving you eleven out of ten, Derek."

"What… what did you tell her?" asked Derek feeling himself going red in the face.

"All the good things, Der," she smiled at him mischievously, placing a hand just above his knee.

Derek cleared his throat, determined to change the subject, "So, I talked to Mark today. Apparently, he was pretty upset. Mentioned an on call room…"

Meredith and Addison giggled madly and the latter managed to stutter, "That was… an accident…"

"You know, I was thinking," said slowly Meredith, busying herself with freeing her hair from the towel, "that we could have a dinner together sometime this week…"

"We?" Derek raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"We, Addie and… and Mark," she shrugged.

"You're fine with telling Mark?" he asked exchanging quick glances with Addison.

"Hey! I saw that!" she exclaimed indignantly and slapped his arm. "You're siding with her and you can forget about the good things!"

"Okay, okay," he laughed.

"You can tell Mark but only if he keeps his fat mouth closed," grumbled Meredith.

Addison studied Derek's adoring expression. His face of a lovesick schoolboy told her more than his words. Maybe Meredith was indeed on her way to her happy ending.

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A/N As always, I'm asking for your comments and suggestions!

E. :)


	16. Chapter 16: What You Will Have

A/N Thank you so much for every comment! I appreciate each and every one more than you can imagine. Enjoy!

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Mark Sloan got out of his car and straightened his shirt, careful not to drop the bottle of the best wine he could find in his favorite liquor store in Seattle. Normally, nothing would perturb his bliss at the prospect of spending an evening with a girl he liked at her place. But normally, he wouldn't have to have dinner with his girlfriend's best friend that was also his boss.

Thank god, Addison said there would also be Dr. Grey's date. Come to think about, that must be one poor fellow. Meredith Grey was a scary woman with an even scarier mother. Although, the sex might make up for the disadvantages.

He almost kicked himself. He wasn't supposed to think like a manwhore any longer but hell, he was horny. Addison allowed him closer to her but was still keeping him on distance in one respect. Unfortunately, nothing pointed that something might change after this evening.

The door opened and he sent a charming smile at his chief, "Dr. Grey."

"We're not at Grace, are we," she chuckled. "So it's Meredith."

"Mark," he nodded and relaxed a little. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

"Mark," Addie came over offering a chaste kiss on his cheek. "You're just in time! You brought wine. We have to open it later. We're eating in the dining room, it's just this way," she put a hand on his shoulder and steered him out of the hall when he was met with the most unusual sight.

He stopped abruptly near the door, his slack jaw falling down. Derek was standing at the table with a small smile and was opening a wine bottle.

"You've finally graced us with your presence," he shot merrily at his best friend.

Mark gaped at him openmouthed, looked at his two female hosts and then back at Derek, realization hit him like a speeding train.

"You son of a bitch!" he growled and lunged himself at Derek.

Derek hastily put down the bottle with a thud and tried to escape behind the table but Mark was quicker. He hooked his arm around Derek and tried to beat the shit out of him mostly for show though.

"You've been… messing with me!" he panted through gritted teeth. "And I was worried sick!"

Derek howled with laughter blocking Mark's ineffectual hits.

"Kids, you think you can stop playing now and join us at the table?" Meredith's question made them still abruptly and rearrange their clothing, clearing their throats.

"Hot," whispered Addie into Meredith's ear putting the cutlery on the table. "You think you can order them to resume that after dinner?"

Meredith giggled, "We'll see."

The four of them sat down at the table in tensed silence, though it was rather caused by stifled hilarity than awkwardness.

Mark kept shaking his head at Derek, awe mixed with bewilderment when he couldn't hold on any longer. "So how long has this doctorcest been going on?" he groaned making the rest of the table erupt in laughter.

"I'm sorry, Mark" Derek said seriously, "I didn't want to lie but-"

"But I told him to," Meredith cut him across firmly. "It was my condition."

"I bet you're walking on a tight leash," Mark snickered at Derek.

"We're good?" asked Derek.

"Yeah," Mark rolled his eyes. "What would you do without me? If it hadn't been for me, you'd have been dead on your first day in high school, you and your af- Ouch!"

Derek kicked him in the shin under the table preventing embarrassing memories from resurfacing.

"You'd like a moment alone, perhaps?" asked Meredith innocently.

"That joke's got old," snorted Mark. "No one questions the manhood of Mark Sloan, you should know that by now."

"I think no one here can say much about that," chuckled Addison.

The evening passed pretty quickly and in good atmosphere. It turned out they made up a pretty merry party. Meredith furtively observed her best friend and the man beside her. It was clear they were very taken with each other. She hoped Mark would be Addison's version of Derek, reliable and caring. Even though he used to like ladies too much.

She gave the red-head a discreet wink. Addie stifled a smile and excused herself to carry off the dirty plates.

"I'll help you," offered Mark, slightly out of breath.

"That's not necessary, Dr. Sloan," Meredith warned him to stay in his seat.

Addison trotted to the kitchen while Mark decided to stay behind in the dining room under the steely note in his chief's voice.

"What are your intentions towards my best friend?"

Mark stared at her astonished and shot a quick hopeful glance at Derek who just smirked at him.

"Uhm… my intentions… are always of the best quality," he tried to quip but his smile came out more like a grimace.

Meredith fixed his scowl at him, "I'm really glad to hear it. I'll be happy to see Addison happy and as you know, I see _everything_," she put a stress on the last word.

Mark's eyes went wider.

"I think you scared him," Derek whispered into her ear when Addison got back to the room. Although the red head gave him now her undivided attention, Mark kept glancing furtively at Meredith.

"That was my plan," she mouthed back. She turned her head left, bumping her nose into Derek's. "And I am scary."

"Nah," he looked at her under his half-closed eyelids longingly. "Not scary at all."

"Not scary?" she cocked her head slightly, making it just convenient for a kiss but kept her lips at a distance.

"Nope, you're sweet and cuddly," he chuckled inhaling deeply her enticing lavender scent.

"Dr. Shepherd," she grinned smugly and snaked her hand up his thigh.

His breath hitched while his whole body tensed anticipating her next move.

"If you haven't yet, you will learn that I'm no honey," she blew air over his pulse point. "I'm strict and I like to keep men by their balls."

Her fingers clawed tightly over his crotch without a warning, bringing both pleasure and pain to her lover. He tried to control his reactions, minding the fact that they were in front of their friends, but a half yelp, half moan already escaped his throat.

"You all right, Shep?" Mark arched his eyebrow knowingly.

"I don't think he is," frowned Meredith. "He'd better lie down."

Mark and Addison bit their lip not to laugh as Derek stood up meekly, with misty eyes and a bulge in his pants and hurried upstairs behind Meredith.

"Uhm, are they always like this?" asked Mark, his irritation at his best friend returning. It looked like Derek and Dr. Model were fucking like rabbits while he was fruitlessly pining after his red-head.

"Well, yeah, pretty much," she chuckled. "Which is our cue to put an end to this evening."

"Is it?" he sounded halfhearted. Life wasn't fair…

Suddenly a loud moan filled the air, "Ohhh, yessss…!"

"Yes, it is," commented Addison dryly. "And they're just starting."

"Er, you're staying here?" he looked at her pitifully.

"Well," she smiled sweetly, "I hoped you'd offer me a place for the night."

Mark grinned back. "Let's get out of here," he muttered as the house was ripped by the headboard banging against the wall repeatedly.

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Derek poured himself a cup of the strongest coffee Meredith possessed. He stretched his tired limbs and yawned. Last night was a complete success, a double one. Mark didn't hold against him his secret relationship and then he and Meredith took a complete advantage of the fact that the house was empty.

Right now, she was taking a shower, unfortunately alone. They knew that she would undoubtedly be very late for work if they had stepped under the water together. He didn't have to arrive at Grace until later so he could blissfully slack around the house just in his boxers and with his hair tousled… well, no, not from sleep.

Derek saw a paperboy ride off on his bike and he decided to pick up the post. It was time for the latest edition of the journal of neurolinguistics. Despite the fact that it was early morning the air was hot and humid so hopefully he wouldn't cause a sensation walking out in front of the house half naked.

He bended to collect the press from the lawn when he saw a pair of shoes before him. He returned to his full height to face the newcomer, craving the ground to swallow him whole as he realized who it was.

"Richard," Derek breathed out enthusiastically. He decided to play the dumb card. How ironic, his teacher, mentor and former chief caught him in his underwear at his current boss's house… What was Webber doing here at this time of day? He lived across the city, much closer to Grace. "What a surprise, I haven't seen you in ages!"

"What a surprise indeed," said Richard dryly.

No, he apparently knew well enough it was Meredith's home. Derek tried to cover his exposed chest but it was a futile effort. His both hands were busy holding the coffee mug and newspapers. They stood in prefect silence, Richard chewing his tongue and Derek covering in more and more crimson blush.

"I came to see Meredith," sighed Richard finally. "I… figured she might still be at home this early."

"She's… uhm," stammered Derek uncomfortably. "She's in the shower…"

"Right," Richard cleared his throat and balanced at his heels.

"Would you… would you like to come in?" Derek pointed at the house.

"No, I… I wouldn't like to… interrupt," refused the older man his eyes sweeping involuntarily over Derek's wardrobe, or strictly speaking, the lack of it.

"You wouldn't-"

"It's nothing important," cut him Richard, followed by another pregnant silence.

"So, you and Meredith?" Richard's voice was now sharp and authoritative. "How did that happen? I've heard you're sworn enemies. She didn't pick for the deputy job."

Derek felt defensive, how many times would he have to explain himself?

"We don't flaunt with our relationship," he explained patiently. "And… we had initial disagreements but it's all in the past."

Richard nodded his head and remarked, "She's young."

"Because I'm ancient," Derek bit back.

"She's your boss, Derek!" argued Richard openly.

"Trust me, I'm completely aware of this," the neurosurgeon gritted through his teeth. "But I don't see the problem."

"That's why you're hiding?" asked Richard sarcastically. "Because you don't see the problem?"

"Richard, we're both adult responsible people who don't need to explain their actions to anyone!" said Derek harshly.

"She's too young!"

"You're repeating yourself. Isn't her age partly why you chose her for the job?"

"I didn't choose her for an affair on the job," growled Richard. "She can only get hurt!"

"Are you insinuating I could hurt her?" asked Derek disbelievingly and continued callously. "By the way, how's Adele?"

Richard looked suddenly deflated, "I don't know… I…"

"I know, you've got divorced," he finished quietly, slightly ashamed for his outburst. He was Webbers' friend for years since his intern years. "I should have… I should have called when Meredith told me but I was…" he raked a hand through his hair.

"I understand," shrugged Richard. "I was young and in love myself a long time ago. But I was a coward… and I let work come before anything."

"I won't make that mistake," assured Derek. "She's… my priority."

Richard nodded and turned to leave.

"You're not going to see her?" asked Derek.

"I'll catch up with her later," replied Webber and walked away to his car.

"Richard!" Derek shouted after him. "We can count on your discretion, can't we?"

"I know a thing or two about a romance in the workplace," he grumbled not turning back.

Derek let out a deep breath and returned to the house. Meredith was already in the kitchen, devouring leftovers from yesterday's dinner.

"Where have you been?" she asked through full mouth. "Went for a jog barefoot and naked?"

"I went out to pick up the post," he smiled. "Jealous much?"

"Jealous?" she snorted and turned to the coffee machine. "I don't get jealous."

"You don't?" he smirked, put away his load on the table and pressed his body tightly against her back. "What would you do if one of your neighbors kidnapped me to be her sex slave?"

Meredith giggled, "There are only elderly ladies living around. The most they could do to you is cough at you. Provided they didn't die of a heart attack at the sight of you."

"That good, eh?" he nuzzled his nose into her neck.

"Nope," she swatted his arms away. "Get off. I'm all fresh and ironed whereas you're sweaty and smell like sex."

"Like sex and you," he quipped. "Anyway, Richard was here."

"Richard?" she exclaimed. "Richard Webber? He saw you?"

"Yeah, and he wasn't happy."

"What did he say?" asked Meredith nervously. "What do you mean by not happy? Angry, disappointed, scandalized? Why would he even care?"

"I got the impression that he was quite protective of you," answered Derek pensively.

"Why would he be protective?" Meredith scrunched her face. "What did he want?"

"He didn't tell. He said it was nothing important but…"

"But he troubled himself to come to my house…" she got lost in thought. "Maybe he heard I want to say goodbye to Campbell?"

"You want to do it today?"

"I've waited long enough for her to hand in her resignation," shrugged Meredith. "She has to go, she's a dinosaur!"

"Meredith!" berated her Derek.

"What?" she shrugged innocently. "You know it's not ageism on my part. She botched a simple procedure."

"I don't think Richard came to stick up for her," Derek shook his head.

"Why not?" she argued. "Campbell was already working when he and my mother started their internship. I know that, I checked her files. Like I said, a dinosaur."

"You picked that dinosaur from Cristina, didn't you?" chuckled Derek.

"I don't know what you're getting at," shrugged Meredith. "She gave me a professional opinion many, including you, shied away from."

Derek only smiled. He was glad the doctors of Seattle Grace were finally warming up to heaving strong headed Meredith Grey as their chief. Her ardent defense of them against her mother was clearly decisive in the process. Meredith's relations with Cristina were surprisingly good considering Yang's earlier attitude.

"I don't think Richard was very scandalized," Derek returned to previous topic. "He said keeping a romance on the job quiet was nothing new to him."

"Seriously?" frowned Meredith and got lost in thought. "Who would have thought…"

"Shit, I need to go!" she realized looking at the kitchen clock. She ran out to the hall but a second later she was back in with a coy smile on her face.

"I forgot about something," she shot, threw her arms around his neck and kissed the living daylights out of him. "See you later?"

With that she really exited the house and drove off. Derek allowed himself a wide smile. He loved how he snaked his way into her daily routine. And there was a common fact that routines were hard to break.

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Meredith was glad Dr. Campbell finally saw reason. After a conversation that seemed to drag into eternity, the older doctor decided to resign herself and Meredith felt relief. She could call her a dinosaur under her breath but she did hold professional respect for her. She was a pioneer, the first woman surgeon that ever took the scalpel at Seattle Grace.

"You look at me," took up Campbell before her departure, "like you won't wake up one day, not that far from now, so much faster than you can imagine, and find that you are me. When you can't cut anymore, what will you have?"

Involuntarily, Meredith felt a cold shiver run down her spine. What would she have? She didn't want to end up like Margaret Campbell, a surgical godess of the past, spreading prestige around, desperate to keep working instead of coming to her lonely solitary home.

"I was a god in here," Campbell went on gravely, seeing her past before her eyes instead of chief's office. "Holding a scalpel… I was a god. And now… What will _you_ have?"

_The dinosaur_ gave Meredith the last sharp look and walked out.

Meredith continued to sit in her chair and that was how Derek found her when he stealthily slipped into her office.

"Do you think I was a bully to someone who needed compassion?" she asked him at once.

"You're talking about Dr. Campbell?"

She nodded.

"Then yes," he answered promptly.

"Right," she grimaced.

"You know, you're a lot like her, stubborn, opinionated… smart.," he smiled at her and chuckled. "40 years from now, I'm gonna have to pry the scalpel out of your hand too."

"From my cold dead hands," she quipped.

"I think you missed the point somehow," he smiled leniently and reached across the desk to grab her hand. "I want to be around forty years from now."

She held his gaze. "Good… because… I might need you forty years from now and… now."

"Then I'm here," he assured her.

She cleared her throat, "I think I know what Richard came for. I asked him about my father when I ran into him in the store. And so I decided to get a grip…"

"What do you mean?" he watched her closely as her free hand disappeared in the drawer of her desk and pulled a piece of paper.

"It's my father's number," she informed him quietly. "You want to be around in forty years and I want to be whole and healed for you."

"Meredith-"

"Look, I know how much you're doing for me," she looked him square in the eye. "I'm not ready to come completely in the open but I can do something with my life."

He gently caressed her fingers when she dialed the number.

They waited. Signal. Signal. "Hello, Susan Grey speaking-"

Meredith quickly shut the receiver down and took a deep breath. Not letting go of her hand, Derek walked around the desk and took her in his arms, rubbing her arm.

"It's true… my mother was telling the truth," she muttered.

He brought her head onto the crook of his neck soothingly.

"He did replace me…"

"You don't know that," Derek whispered into her hair.

She lifted herself up a little to look at him. "Promise me you won't ever replace me."

He brought their foreheads together. "Meredith, never."

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A/N For now, you don't have to worry much about MerDer, they're getting stronger and stronger to be able to come into the open.

Tell me if you like where it's going or not, please comment!

Yours,

Em :)


	17. Chapter 17: Our Truth

**A/N Hi, everyone! First, I'd like to thank you all for the ongoing support for this fic!**** In this chapter, there's another milestone in MerDer relationship and hotness alert. Enjoy!**

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After ten minutes worth of sitting rigidly in her car, Meredith took a deep breath and got off. She knew to which house she should direct her steps as she studied the quiet suburban environs from the car.

She didn't have to be here alone. One word would suffice for Derek to be at her side, instead of sleeping late at her house, completely unaware of her excursion. Yet, she was determined to do this on her own. Being with Derek was changing her, mostly for the better, but recently she felt like she was getting weaker, more dependent.

She wasn't going to reject Derek's care though she needed to be strong enough to stand on her own feet. She couldn't lose the sense of power that always made her an unstoppable force.

Meredith slowed down her pace and craned her neck seeing a silhouette of man through the bushes growing in front of the house. Contrary to her body movements, her heart was racing. Could it be…? She walked up to the fence to get a closer look. The man was watering the flowers on the porch. He wasn't very tall, his hair was dark grey and he seemed… a complete opposite of her. His movements were ginger and awkward. At one point he slopped the water from the can all over his feet. Yet Meredith was sure it was Thatcher Grey. From the shreds of her memories, she remembered his slightly hunched form and general clumsiness.

She continued to stand rigidly on the sidewalk, unsure what to do. She came, she saw him, now what? In the meantime, her father finished his gardening activities and took off his yellow rubber gloves. Thatcher seemed to notice he was the object of somebody's observation, his head shot straight to where Meredith was standing. Their regards crossed and seconds seemed to drag into hours. Finally, she turned her head away, unable to hold his gaze any longer. She made to walk back to her car hating the feeling of helplessness that was overcoming her when…

"Mer- Meredith?" She halted abruptly hearing her name called.

"Meredith? Is… is that you?"

She slowly faced him. He walked up on the sidewalk, still clutching his yellow gloves in his hands. He was studying her intently with his green eyes that seemed to become glassy.

She nodded slowly, trying to keep her determination and cool head.

"How… how have you been?" he asked with a trembling voice.

Meredith's face hardened and resentment boiled in her veins. She wanted to snort and ask him sarcastically "Lately or in the past 24 years?"

"Good," she replied dryly instead.

"That's… that's good," he muttered nervously detecting a clear cold note in his daughter's voice.

"So, uhm, when did you come to Seattle?"

"In March," she answered shortly.

"It's… five months," he said with surprise. "It's long. Did you move here?"

"Yes," she confirmed stoically. "I came here for my job. I'm the chief of surgery at Seattle Grace."

"Oh," he raised his eyebrows, thousand emotions and reminiscences playing behind his eyes. "You are? I'm… this is… You're a surgeon… like your mother…"

"No, not like my mother," she denied sharply and turned back to walk away.

"Meredith? Do you need anything?" Thatcher's voice sounded for the last time.

"No," she said not even turning back. She had needed her father so many times. When she cried herself to sleep in the empty house, squeezing her Anatomy Jane. When her mother refused to let her go to a birthday party the one time she got invited. When she needed advice in all the important decisions in her life. When the said life went to pieces in college… What could she possible need from him now.

She got to her car in no time and stepped heavily on gas; strangely enough, rage putting her at ease.

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Even before she had the chance to reach her office, Patricia caught up with her with a fax in her hands and a serious look on her face.

"Caldwell?" Meredith searched her mind as she read the header. "As in the prison?"

"Yeah," sighed her secretary.

Twenty minutes later she joined the team she chose for the case, Derek, Cristina, Owen and one of the best residents, Dr. Miller.

"You've read up on our V.I.P.?"she greeted them, throwing a searching look at Derek. Something was odd with him. The usual good-natured expression was replaced with a tensed frown. Unfortunately, there wasn't time to get to the bottom of his mood right now.

"Multiple stab wounds, badly beaten, he'll have guards with him at all times," she went on leading them into the trauma bay. "Cuffs stay on, leg irons stay on. Watch you syringes, sharps and pins. I don't want any accidents… and he's here," she pointed at the ambulance halting at the door.

"You four are my team. No interns. I want to keep this as quiet as possible," she ordered. "Get him in and out quickly, patch him up and get him his way. Get him out of trauma as fast as you can. Those guards are going to attract a lot of attention."

"Uhm, Ma'am," asked the resident reviewing the fax. "It's stamped P.D.R. What is P.D.R.?"

Meredith signed the forms handed by one of the guards.

"Prisoner, death row," she answered walking away with the last worried look at Derek.

She was still able to catch the prisoner's creepy voice, "Hi, how's everybody doing this morning?"

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As soon as Meredith was finished with the procedure she had scheduled for this morning, she decided to check the situation with the killer patient, William Dunn, and hopefully, have a minute alone with Derek.

She spotted him in the corridor, talking to Dr. Miller.

"Mr. Dunn is still in a huge amount of pain," said quickly the short woman in blue scrubs. "Can I give him more morphine, or will that cause problems with his neuro exams?"

"Mr. Dunn has had enough morphine," answered Derek folding his arms and Meredith was baffled at the tone of his voice. She hadn't heard that disgust and vindictiveness on his part even when they were at each other's throats five months ago.

Dr. Miller stood her ground, "Right, but he's got a foreign body lodged in his spine. It's inhumane."

"No," he shook his head. "Killing people is inhumane. Denying him painkillers is a judgment call."

"We don't know what he did," argued the resident. "We can't judge."

Meredith felt it was time to intervene.

"Dr. Miller, can you please let me have a word with Dr. Shepherd?"

The resident looked reluctant but nodded and left him alone, if they could be alone, standing in the middle of the corridor.

"Derek, what is going on?" she asked lowering her voice. "What's with that argument about morphine?"

"He doesn't need morphine," he said indignantly. "He doesn't get wishes."

"Look, you'll give him whatever he needs," ordered Meredith. "I don't want some lawyer throwing at us that we did not give him the standard of care."

"It doesn't bother you that this guy probably hacked a family of four to death with a machete?" Derek asked disbelievingly.

"Frankly, it's neither here nor there," she shrugged. "Dr. Miller was right, we can't judge. Not because we don't know what crime he committed. Because it's not our job to judge. We're not a jury. That man came here to be treated and the faster we do it, the better."

"I watch people die all the time," said Derek feverishly. "I go to families and I tell them their world has been ripped apart all the time. And I fight like a dog to make sure that I don't have to deliver that message, and I lose that fight all the time. Then some guy like Dunn comes along and simply throws it away, life?"

"You shouldn't be on this case," Meredith shook her head. "I'm taking you off, I'll take care of this myself."

Derek bit his lip and Meredith was again bewildered he didn't insist to follow the case.

"Always the chief, Mer," he remarked ironically.

"What?" she stared at him in shock. "What is wrong with you? Of course, I'm acting professionally. Someone has to, seeing you're taking it so personally."

"Right," he breathed and pushed past her brushing her arm roughly. "I'll find myself something to do, Chief."

"Derek!" she hissed calling him back but he didn't listen.

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William Dunn's case absorbed most of Meredith's attention that day. She and Owen operated on him, extracting from his back the sharp object that he was stabbed with. On top of that, it turned out that he had also a brain contusion and infuriatingly enough, he didn't give his agreement for a brain surgery. Meredith knew the swelling would expand until he'd go unconscious. She ordered Dr. Miller monitor his condition overnight and she went in search for Derek. There was something bad going on with him. She needed to find him to fix the things between them. She woke up in his arms this morning and she wanted to fall asleep surrounded by him as well. The whole affair with Dunn and worry about Derek made her even forget about her meeting with her father.

Why Derek got so emotionally invested with the prisoner patient was a mystery. True, it wasn't difficult to get overly attached to their patients, to commiserate with them, to feel compassion, but William Dunn's case was a completely different story. Why Derek reacted so strongly?

She inspected the surgical board. Derek wasn't operating nor he had any procedures scheduled. Mark was walking down the corridor conversing with another doctor and she called after him, "Dr. Sloan."

"Excuse me," he left his interlocutor and joined her.

"Mark, do you know what's going on with Derek?" she asked with concern. "He's not himself today."

"Are the rumors about the serial killer true?" he answered with a question.

"Yes," she sighed. She had a feeling it wasn't just sheer curiosity on his part.

"You don't know?" he squinted at her.

"About what?"

"You don't," he breathed. "He has to tell you himself, it's not my place."

"Okay," she agreed cautiously. "Have you seen him?"

"He probably went to his place. You'll get him?"

"Yeah, I…" she trailed off understanding less and less.

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Meredith drove to her quarter with increasing uneasiness. After work, she went straight to his trailer but contrary to what she and Mark thought, he wasn't there. She waited over an hour, walked around the trailer ten times, tried to call him unsuccessfully and given the fact that it was already past eleven, decided to get home.

Surprisingly, she found his car parked on the street in front of her house. She quickly ran inside to see him sitting morosely on her couch.

"Addison let me in before she went for her shift," he explained casting his eyes down.

Meredith nodded in acknowledgment and wordlessly sat down beside him, feeling he was about to speak.

"Two guys shot my dad," he confessed sagging back into the coach, looking at her tiredly. "For his watch. My mom saved up for it. Two guys came into his store, and they shot him because he wouldn't give it up. That's how my dad died."

"I'm sorry," she whispered and intertwined his fingers with his. She caressed his hand soothingly, "I didn't want to be so harsh."

"We are supposed to treat everybody the same," he went on after a moment. "But they're not all the same."

"I guess I wasn't the only one holding dark secrets," she smiled gently.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier-"

"Derek," she silenced him. "You've got nothing to be sorry about. I kept more things from you… and I was a bitch to you."

He opened his mouth to speak but she lay a finger on his lips. "Just so you know, you can trust me too. I'm here for you."

He swallowed with difficulty, "I… I…" he stammered. "I lo-"

She smiled at him understandingly, "I know, you're tired. It must have been incredibly hectic for you."

He quickly looked down. It wasn't the right time to tell her anyway.

She stood up and reached a hand towards him, cocking her head to her side. "Come here, I'll make you forget about the world."

He followed her through the dark confines of the house, upstairs to her room. She lit the discreet night lamp and made him sit on the bed delicately. She slid the jacket of his shoulders and pushed him to half lie on the pillows. She then removed his shoes and socks and slowly made her way to the centre of the room, a spot clearly visible from his position.

She kicked her high heels and swayed sensuously on her tiptoes to the soft music in her head, her eyelids half closed over her misty eyes. Derek tensed with anticipation, he never saw her look more beautiful than now. Undoubtedly, she always did. Everyone admired her form clad in expensive brand clothes. But only Derek knew that they only hid her natural elegance, class and beauty.

Meredith turned in a circle, sending her long fair hair flying around her and she slowly unbuttoned her shirt, one tiny button after another. Her lips arched in a discreet smile. Derek's eyes fixed on her chest as her hands pulled the lapels of her shirt apart dragging it down her arms and letting it fall to the floor. She continued to swing lightly in her lavender lace bra. She closed her eyes and lifted her arms above her head.

The want for her growing in the pit of his stomach intensified almost painfully. He was immobilized with it. He couldn't tear his eyes apart if he wanted and well, he would never want to. She was exquisiteness and sensuality personified, and she was his.

She turned her back to him and his stormy blue irises automatically travelled to her tight butt. Meredith threw him a mischievous look over her shoulder and pulled down a little zipper on her hip and shimmied her white pencil skirt off, revealing inch after inch her enticing ass, clad only in a lavender strip of her thong.

By now, Derek was already iron hard and had loosened his shirt. He watched attentively with quickening pulse as her hands went up to the clasp of her bra. She unfastened it and let the silky part of her lingerie join the heap of clothes on the carpet.

"Meredith…" he breathed out longingly. His hands couldn't wait to touch her hot skin.

"Just a little while longer," she whispered and turned back to him, proudly exhibiting her full breasts. Her rosy nipples were already hard and stood to his attention. She slid her fingers underneath the front of her panties and dragged them down past her thighs letting the tiny scrap of material pool at her feet.

She tiptoed to the bed and climbed it in a cat-like move on all fours, letting her breasts sway freely. She crawled over him, intentionally brushing his obvious hardness with her knee. He lunged forward but she stopped him, easing him back on the covers.

"Relax," she kissed the side of his neck and then the other. "This is about you."

She straddled his waist just over his erection and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. She leaned into him, crashing her bare chest against his and kissed him on the lips, long and thorough, cupping his stubbly face in her hands. She massaged his scalp raking his raven locks and planted little kisses all over his face.

He felt warm and safe. She was never this delicate and caring with him, attentive to his every need, worshipping his body. It made him want her even more. He wanted more from her and apparently she was ready to give it.

Her mouth and her quick tongue that peeked through her parted lips slid from his mouth down his chin and neck, steadily downwards. She chased his bobbing Adam's apple with her tongue. She explored his arms from the broad shoulders to the delicate surgeon hands.

Her hands and lips traced invisible patterns all over his hard chest. She pinched his nipple and jumped up as he gasped for air. Meredith quickly took him in and was pleased with the effects of her work. He was completely surrendered to her will, heavy lidded and damp with perspiration. The hard proof of his lust stood proudly against her ass.

She was no better, her core was burning with impatience to welcome him inside and she was leaving a wet stain on his pants. Meredith moved lower down his body, rubbing her folds over his clad manhood which seemed to swell even more.

"Meredith," he panted trashing his head back.

God, she adored this man beneath her with his wild hair that might need cutting, his crooked nose, his tapered chest with his happy trail leading to… She decided not to torture him much more. His erection staring at her face, she unfastened the claps of his belt, then a little button and the zipper and pulled his sweatpants along with his boxer briefs down his legs and he sighed happily at being freed.

She grazed her fingers over his ass and the back of his thighs his knees and calves, deciding how to pleasure him best.

She thought with amusement that it was never out of place to stroke… a man's ego.

"Have I ever told you you're so big?" she said huskily lowering her head onto her goal and licking the precum from his velvety head. "Huge, in fact… and so hard…"

"Yeah, yeah…" he stammered gripping the sheet into his fists, both love and desire for her clouding his mind. He craved to come in her, with her.

She licked little circles on his length and took him whole into her mouth. His hips bucked upwards but she quickly pulled away with a smile.

"Meredith," he pleaded with a trembling voice.

"In a second, love," she soothed him not realizing what she called him. But Derek did notice and his lips widened in a smile.

Meredith scooted herself back up and interlaced her fingers with his, embracing him whole inside her leisurely, like they had all the time in the world. They both moaned at the intimate contact and Meredith stilled for a moment to revel in the pleasure mixed with the anticipation of imminent release. When the tension became unbearable, she began hovering over him twisting her hips in figures of eight. His breathing went ragged; she predicted with unmistakable certainty what his body needed next.

She wiggled her hips for the last time, locking his eyes in hers and proceeded to glide up and down on his slick length roughly.

"Yes… yes…" escaped her throat as she arched her back to gain better position. She lowered and rose above him breathlessly bringing them both higher and higher. Her muscles kept clenching around him wildly and the wave of unrestrained pleasure cumulated against the shore and flooded them, submerging them utterly, depriving of air.

She sank down on him while his arms snaked around her waist. The bodies clang together from head to toes. They smiled at each other wordlessly. All through their encounter they were exceptionally tender and quiet. Derek felt that this time they truly made love. With that on his mind, he let his eyes close and fall into a peaceful sleep.

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Meredith put on her shorts, a tee shirt and a blouse, and searched in the closet for her unused trainers. The days of the greatest summer heat were over but she could take advantage of the remaining good weather and get back into the habit of jogging. She felt she was slacking off somewhat, Addie did find the time to run every morning.

When her eyes opened this morning with her cheek on Derek's chest, she felt a sort of lingering calm and a surge of energy. A jog would perfectly complete her perfect morning.

"My God, what time is it?" groaned Derek rubbing his eyes. He wasn't woken up by the noise she was making but rather the absence of her soft body next to his.

"Shh, it's early, sleep on," she said softly and sat on the edge of the bed to put her shoes on. "I'll wake you up when it's time."

"Where are you going?" he propped himself on one hand letting the duvet fall down to his waist.

"I'm going for a jog," she turned to him to plant a kiss on his nose and played with his messy hair. "Go back to sleep."

"You don't jog," he insisted with a frown.

"Now I don't," she shrugged, "but I used to. And I think I should go back into the habit or I'll get fat."

He smirked at her mischievously, "I think you found a perfect substitute in the form of other physical activity…"

She giggled, he was absolutely right.

"… which is so much better than jogging," he wiggled his eyebrows and pulled the covers off his naked body. "And I'm ready to help you with your workout again."

Her eyes glazed at the sight of his morning hardness. She licked her lips, wouldn't she like to hop on… She glanced at the clock, she had time both for a jog and a quickie.

She smiled at him playfully and stood up, "I think I'll go for that run."

"What?" he opened his mouth in surprise. Meredith Grey willfully resigning from sex?

"What do you say, I'll go out for some half an hour, you'll have a lie in and then you'll give me some additional workout in the shower, hmm?"

He pouted and got out of the bed after her, "I'm going with you."

"Aren't you tired?" she asked with concern. "Yesterday couldn't have been easy for you."

But he didn't listen and got dressed into his shorts and his old tee-shirt he left at her place one day.

"You want to run with that wood between your legs?" she chuckled.

"You know, we could do something about that," he offered as his head reappeared from his shirt.

"I did something about that yesterday."

"I know," he breathed and moved to kiss her hand. "Thank you for taking such a good care of me."

"You're very welcome," she smiled up at him and tugged at his hand. "Come on or we'll never leave."

They want out into the grayish morning and trotted past her neighbors' houses. They ran in silence, glancing at each other from time with tiny smiles. At last, they burst out in laughter and halted to catch some air.

She reached a to play with his locks, "You need a haircut."

"You're criticizing my hair?" he asked feigning indignation.

"It's just a little wild," she explained softly, "and long, well, and sex tousled."

He laughed freely, looking in her eyes, her fingers still in his hair. He felt calm and excited at the same time, he wanted to start every day of his life like that, at her side.

"I love you," he breathed out. The moment seemed ordinary and unique, perfect.

Her hand stilled and she took it away. He watched with beating heart her eyes going wide and he cringed recognizing traces of fear.

She shook her head frantically, "You what?"

"I love you," he repeated clearly.

She became rigid but her face softened, "I'm sorry, Derek."

"You're sorry?" he asked disbelievingly.

"I can't say it back-"

"Right," he nodded harshly and made to continue his jog.

"Derek!" her fingers clenched on his bicep holding him back. "Look at me!"

"I've already heard what you have to say," he bit. "You were crystal clear."

"Shut up! You will shut up and listen to me!" she growled at him and he flinched, hunching before her. She continued calmly, "No one ever said this to me before. And I have never said this to anyone before."

He let out a deep breath, he understood it was more than just her unwillingness to commit.

"I am not ready to say it, yet," she underlined the last word and placed her hands on his shoulders. "I won't to be sure of it and really mean it. But I can promise you will be the first person to hear it from my lips."

He pressed herself to him and he relaxed in her embrace. In spite of Meredith's affirmation an uneasy tension fell between them for the rest of the jog. Derek couldn't help feeling embarrassed and rejected.

Meredith followed him into the kitchen and watched him fill a glass with cool water. He needed more reassurance than her promises and sex could convey.

Her arms went around his waist as she clang against his back.

"I'm really into this," she murmured snaking her palms over his pectorals underneath his tee.

He then felt her hand dive into the pocket of his shorts. He expected her to move to the front and grab his crotch but her hand disappeared. Instead, he felt something heavy in his pocket. He pulled out a single key and turned to face her curiously.

"You won't need Addie to let you in while I'm gone," she explained. "I told you, I'm in this, even if I can't say it back for now."

She kissed his nose when sleepy Addison came into the kitchen in a red bathrobe. "God, are you even able to do something else?"

"Like you and McSteamy are doing something else?" smirked Meredith.

Addie stuck her tongue at her, "You want breakfast?"

"Uhm, we've had a shower in our plans," Derek looked hopefully at her.

"Yes, we have," she smiled and outstretched a hand towards him. Their fingers met and he knew they would be good.

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**A/N Waiting for any comments you might have! Thank you for reading and don't worry too much about MerDer, for now.**

**Yours,**

**Em :)**


	18. Chapter 18: Same Old Mistakes

**A/N Thank you for the ongoing interest in the story, enjoy!**

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Meredith let out a mewl. She giggled inwardly, she was mewling and purring like a kitten. All thanks to Derek's tongue that was now plundering her mouth with meticulous thoroughness, like he couldn't get enough, and he couldn't.

He pushed her further onto her desk, prying himself between her legs. His hardness and her wet core were like two magnets, constantly under the violent force that called them together.

Not breaking the kiss, he cupped her heaving breast tightly through her blouse. She still didn't tell him she loved him but Derek was very patient and they were themselves again, in other words, incurably horny.

They didn't learn much from their past mistakes however as the door went open and they heard, "I'm… I'm sorry, I was told to come in…"

Meredith sprang apart from Derek, jumping down from her desk in shock, eyeing her father with wide eyes. What was he doing here? She rearranged her clothes and hair breathlessly while Derek took deep breaths to calm his raging loins.

"What… what are you doing here?" she asked the older man.

"I came to talk," his face was red with embarrassment. "I… played our conversation over and over in my head but… I didn't want to interrupt you and…" he threw a quick glance at Derek.

"This, uhm, this is-"

"Dr. Shepherd!" exclaimed Patricia halting in the still open door to the office. "How many times do I have to tell you not to come in without informing me first? Chief, I hope he didn't make any trouble?"

"Same as always," assured Meredith. "I've got everything under control." She chanced a look at her father first seeing his puzzlement and then understanding that they were keeping this relationship quiet.

"Dr. Shepherd," said Patricia sternly. Every time he managed to sneak into her office she got an earful from her boss. "I insist. You can give Dr. Grey some privacy, can't you? Her father came to see her."

Derek looked curiously at the graying man and then reassuringly at Meredith. He would like nothing better than to stay but Patricia was tapping her foot impatiently, like a mother of a misbehaved boy. He followed her outside; he would get a chance to meet Meredith's father later.

"I'm sorry for that," said Meredith to Thatcher when they were left alone. "Uhm, would you like to sit?"

"No, I…" he stammered. "I think I have to go."

"You just came here," she said suspiciously.

"I… I realized I need to do something. Good… goodbye, Meredith."

She sat heavily in her chair after he walked out. That was weird. She wanted to believe her father was simply flustered at the prospect of meeting her but her mind was telling her otherwise. His eyes told her otherwise. They were slightly amused and warmed when he entered her office and cautious when he went out. Only why?

She wasn't allowed to ponder about this for much longer as the door burst open again revealing furious Erica Hahn with Patricia at her heels.

"Dr. Grey, I'm sorry," she sighed irritably. "I have no idea what's going on with them today!"

"It's about Izzie Stevens, Denny Duqette and my patient's getting a heart stolen out of his chest!" barked Erica.

"Thank you, Patricia," Meredith let her secretary know to leave her alone with the angry cardiosurgeon.

She did know the entirety of the Denny Duquette story straight from the best source, the account of Izzie's former resident, Miranda. Meredith had asked Dr. Bailey to clarify it while she came across some blanks in the files.

"How is Stevens still working here?" asked Erica. "I guess I should direct this question to Richard as he was the one to condone it. But still, how can Izzie Stevens be making her career in Seattle Grace? How can something like this be unreported? What kind of hospital are you running?"

"Stop right there," warned her Meredith.

"I want an ethics review panel assembled," went on Erica. "I want Stevens' role in this investigated, and Bailey's as well, because she was her superior."

"We're not digging this up," assured slowly Meredith. "It didn't go unreported. It was reported to Dr. Webber. He dealt with it. From what I know, Stevens was punished. Apparently, she's learned from her mistake as she's an excellent surgeon." She didn't have any intention whatsoever of uncovering the whole affair. It would be a threat for Seattle Grace's credibility, even if it happened a few years ago. Secondly, it would put Dr. Stevens' career at a serious risk. "This issue had been laid to rest and I'm not going to rake it open."

"I don't think you completely understand my point," smirked venomously Erica. "I am not going to work for an unprofessional institution like that."

Meredith snorted inwardly. Did Dr. Hahn think she would blackmail her with her resignation? The decision took her less than ten seconds. She didn't see their cooperation last for much longer anyway. She stood up and reached out her hand towards Erica. "So I guess it's a goodbye?"

Erica snorted and stormed off, not bothering to shake the Chief's hand.

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Meredith sat comfortably in her chair nursing a cup of coffee. She imagined the shockwaves that were tripping through the hospital following her decision. Well, she practically sacked Erica Hahn, cardio goddess. She wondered how much her popularity rankings were going to drop. Hahn didn't work here much longer than her and was a known bitch. It was an unfortunate coincidence that Erica sniffed up the whole affair from the past but… it served its purpose. The cardiosurgeon was talented and professional, that went without saying. However, she also possessed some qualities that made her unfit for Meredith's team. The cardio department had better chances of development without her.

The phone rang and she heard Patricia's voice, "Dr. Yang is here to see you."

"Let her in," ordered Meredith. She had an urgent business with Cristina anyway.

"Chief," Yang stormed into her office. "Dr. Hahn cancelled all her surgeries and… the hospital rumor has it that she quit."

"It's true," answered Meredith stoically. "I accepted her formal resignation fifteen minutes ago."

"Now what?" inquired Cristina. "The department is swamped, we can't afford to function without a head."

"I have chosen the new head," announced Meredith.

"You have?" frowned Cristina. "May I ask whom?"

"You may," smiled her Chief. "You may even get the answer. Congratulations."

"I'm… sorry, Chief?"

"I guess I should ask you first," shrugged Meredith. "Are you able to take over the head's obligations as of today?"

Cristina burst out laughing but stopped abruptly seeing Meredith's unfazed expression. "Wait… you're serious?"

"I kind of am," Meredith propped her head on her hand and watched the cardio surgeon with hidden amusement.

"Why?" Cristina asked promptly. "There are surgeons, many at this hospital, that have longer experience."

"I heard that when I nominated George O'Malley for the deputy position," reminded lightly Meredith.

"True," nodded Cristina and added smugly, "My department is still understaffed though."

Meredith smiled, "I'm already taking care of that."

"I'll get myself busy," Cristina hurried to the door. "Oh, and there's someone outside that wants to speak to you."

"Oh?" Meredith craned her neck curiously.

"Chie- Chief?" asked insecurely Isobel Stevens. "Do you have a minute?"

"Come on in," frowned Meredith. She suspected it had something to do with Hahn discovering her hushed up mistake.

"Dr. Grey, you must have talked to Dr. Hahn already?" she stepped from foot to foot. "I want to know what it means for me."

Meredith looked at her closely, "What might it mean for you?"

"I understand… that you might want to start an investigation into…" she trailed off biting her lip, "to discover what really happened…"

"I know what happened," said softly Meredith seeing the pain in the blonde's eyes. "Dr. Hahn left this hospital about an hour ago and I don't expect to ever need discuss that topic again. Unless it disturbs your current work…"

"No," she shook her head. "I'm sorry… You must think I'm completely irresponsible…"

"I don't," sighed Meredith. When Bailey confessed the truth all those months ago she called Izzie's act a stunt that could easily cost her career. If Meredith had been the chief at that time, Izzie would have had to search for a place somewhere else. Now, she saw it much more leniently. "You were desperate to save the man you loved; love makes all kinds of things with people…"

"Wow," Izzie smiled. "He must be really lucky."

Meredith looked at him questioningly.

"The guy you love," clarified Izzie.

Her remark left Meredith out of breath. _The guy you love…_

"Well, I think he's kinda screwed," she chuckled finally.

Izzie looked up at her and grinned.

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Meredith thought she finally had a minute to herself after all the exciting events of the day. Her mind was racing. Her father walking on her making out with Derek… Her argument with Erica Hahn… She leaned back into her chair and switched her mind off and then the realization hit her, just like that, without warning or anesthesia. Completely absurd, improbable, based on few premises but Meredith was eerily sure, accurate. It all made sense. Richard's so-called friendship with her mother, his protectiveness… It also explained Thatcher's strong reaction seeing she had a secret relationship with her coworker.

She grabbed the phone and dialed the number, she had to know.

"Richard?"

"Meredith," he recognized her voice. "Derek told you I came over-"

"You had an affair with her, didn't you?" she stated impromptu.

"Yes," he sighed after a long silent pause. "Meredith-"

She shut her phone down hard. She had no idea how she should behave towards the man thanks to whom her parent's marriage fell into crumbles but also thanks to whom she arrived at Seattle years later and met Derek Shepherd.

And then another idea entered her mind pushing Richard from her brain effectively and making her heart burst in the flames of anger. How dared he? How could her father compare her to Ellis knowing absolutely nothing about ger?

She threw her lab coat of her shoulders and grabbed her jacket at a run. She bumped into Derek in the doorway.

"Hay," he smiled. "I've just managed to slip unnoticed, Patricia went for a coffee. Maybe we should tell her, you know. She's guarding you like a dog."

"Not now, Derek," she threw at him absentmindedly, brushing past him.

"Wait, where are you going?" he frowned at her, grabbing her arm. "What about your father?"

"About my father," she huffed searching her purse for her car keys. "I'm going to do what I should have done when I got back to Seattle."

She turned on her heel and strode off leaving Derek with a worrisome look on his face. He didn't like that vicious glint in her eye. It was one of the things she inherited from her mother.

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Meredith slammed her foot on the brakes when she saw the familiar house and ten seconds later she was ringing the doorbell. A woman with a smile stretching from ear to ear, undoubtedly her father's second wife, greeted her cheerfully, "You must be Meredith! Thatch said you wouldn't come-"

"Is he in?" Meredith cut her unceremoniously halfway through the sentence.

"Yes," nodded the woman, "come on in."

Not waiting for further invitation, Meredith walked energetically following the sounds of conversation. She stormed into a living room where her eyes registered two women she knew had to be her sisters, a young man and her father, who started to stand up, startled with her appearance.

"Don't bother," she spat icily, "I'll just tell you what's on my mind and be gone."

Everyone stared at her and she smirked with satisfaction. She had that power over people. She didn't use it lately but now it definitely came in handy.

"What do you think gives you the right to judge me?" she asked with a cold glare. She didn't raise her voice, she didn't have to. "That strip of DNA you share with me, dad?" she mocked him. "I don't think so."

"From all the things you did to me," she continued harshly looking into his eyes, "including you leaving me at the age of five in the care of a woman like Ellis Grey and not giving a sign of life ever since, what you did today is the biggest wrong. You think you can waltz into my hospital, my own office, and take me for an adulterous whore? I won't let anyone treat me that way, and certainly not you!" she said with disgust.

"Meredith-" Thatcher breathed, his face going pale.

"You're not talking when I'm talking," she snorted. "You think that because my bitch of a mother played a number on you you can judge me? You know nothing about me, nothing! And that assumption on your part, that I was having an affair with a married man, was the biggest insult I've received in a long time. I hope I won't have the displeasure of seeing you again. Bon appétit," she chuckled glancing around over the stunned faces of her audience and rushed back to the front door.

"Meredith," pleaded after her Thatcher's wife. "Meredith, let's talk calmly."

"Oh, I am calm," assured Meredith. "Believe me, you wouldn't like to see me angry."

"Meredith-"

"Okay, you can't stop right here," Meredith threw at her. She didn't intended to talk to anyone else than Thatcher but why Susan shouldn't get her share if she was asking for it. "Don't play a Florence Nightingale, ok? I didn't see you pushing for a family reunion all these years."

She didn't let the older woman utter another word and hurried to her car. She needed to get back home till her nerves still let her.

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When she got to her house, Derek and Addison were already waiting for her on tenterhooks. She threw the car keys on the table in the hall and took off her shoes feeling self-conscious under their silent observation. She knew they wouldn't leave it to rest as her moves were abrupt and mechanic, she was boiling inside.

"What?" she snapped.

"Where have you been?" frowned Addison.

"I paid a little visit to my daddy dearest," she smirked.

Addie and Derek exchanged worried looks suspecting that Grey household must be looking as though after a tornado attack.

"What did you do?" inquired the redhead while Derek chose to stay silent.

"I just spoke my mind," snorted Meredith.

"Mer!" exclaimed Addie disbelievingly, knowing exactly what her friend was capable of. "What did you say to him?"

"Them," Meredith corrected her quietly.

"Them? Who else was there?"

"All the happy family," Meredith looked Addison in the eye. "And don't look at me like that! I had a right to every word I said! My so-called father thought I was screwing a married man? What does that tell you about him?"

She picked up her briefcase and hurried upstairs out of their sight. Once she reached her room she threw herself on bed and tried to regularize her breathing, pressing her face into the pillow. She felt her forehead and cheeks burning.

Barely seconds later, Derek silently opened the door and lied down beside her, gathering her in his arms, rubbing her back soothingly. She fisted his shirt and buried her head in his chest instead of the pillow and there was where she finally let herself break down. Violent sobs shocked her body and wet stains appeared on Derek's silky shirt.

"How could he do this to me?" asked Meredith, her breath hitching painfully in her chest. "Again."

"I don't know," whispered Derek kissing the top of her head, making sure she felt the strength of his hold. "I can't even imagine why a man…" he trailed off. He really couldn't fathom how a man could forget about his own child and not even try to renew some contact with her, and Thatcher Grey made an impression of a decent man…

Meredith's tears subsided slightly, undeniably thanks to Derek. She felt warm in his embrace, like she'd jump into a hot bath after getting soaked in a down pour. She felt drowsy, Derek's regular caress lulling her to sleep. Her eyelids drooped and she drifted off into an fitful slumber.

When she opened her eyes hours later, she felt as if she had been clubbed over the head. Her eyes were sore, her neck stiff. However, her mind was unusually calm and clear. She lived almost all her life without a father and she survived. Why now would have to be any different? He wasn't her family. She didn't have any family other than Addison and Derek now.

He looked tenderly at his face, illuminated by the pale moon. He was sleeping, though not very peacefully. He had a tiny frown on his forehead, surely caused by her, and she passed a finger tenderly over the crease to smooth it. He huffed in his sleep, cocking his head and continued to sleep. She really felt like she was his priority. They were lying together unshowered, unchanged, just fulfilling the need for their closeness.

Her heart fluttered as she remembered the moment he said he loved her. He did love her. And she did love him. She smiled in the darkness. She really needed to tell him. He was her future.

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A/N I know that many of you are busy returning back from summer break to schools but I would still appreciate immensely if you could leave a comment. They are of great help for me.

I'm starting the new academic year myself in just a couple of days, plus, I'm starting the sequel for one of my other fics this week, but I've banked many many updates, so I'm going to post regularly, an update a week.

Thank you,

Em


	19. Chapter 19: Fast And Furious

**A/N Thank you for the ongoing interest in the story!**

**About this chapter, it was supposed to be just the first part of the chapter but it grew and grew and I had so much fun writing it that I left it as a separate chapter. Anyway, it's another milestone in MerDer relationship so it deserves being a separate chapter. It is mostly fun and (WARNING) smut.**

**Enjoy!**

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The world outside was dark and gloomy. It was still early morning but the chances that the weather would improve were slim. Autumn already took its hold over Seattle.

Meredith reached her hand to turn off the music that was shouting from the player in Derek's car.

"Hey, I've been listening to it," muttered Derek not taking his eyes from the slippery road carpeted with fallen leaves. "It's The Clash."

"It's dreadful," she said playfully propping an elbow against his car seat and watched a frown creasing his forehead.

"How can you say that?" he asked indignantly. "It's great. What do you listen to? Duran Duran?"

He made to switch the player on but she swatted his hand.

"You can listen to that crap if you let me drive," she stated her condition.

He snorted and gripped the steering wheel with both hands.

"You're completely unreasonable," huffed Meredith. It was infuriating how he blatantly refused to let her drive his jeep. "It's not like I could make it look worse than it already does. It's all old and battered."

"Frankly, I want to live to Christmas," he replied dryly. "As for more short term goals, I want to delivers us safely to work."

"And my driving would put an end to these plans how?"

"You're a dreadful driver," he said simply.

"You're a chauvinist!" she bit back.

"Me?" he raised his eyebrows. "Your poor driving skills have nothing to do with your sex, just your temperament."

"Ass," she hissed and narrowed at him vindictively and leaned to blew some air on his neck. "You deserve punishment, Dr. Shepherd…"

He gulped heavily and the hair on his neck stood up as he anticipated her actions. He didn't have to wait long as he felt Meredith's lean fingers on his abdomen going slowly lower…

"Meredith," he breathed in a warning, his entire body going tense.

"What?" she bit on his earlobe moving her hand between his legs and clasping it over his crotch.

"Mer!" he groaned tightening his grip on the wheel. He was stupid to think she was safer on the passenger seat.

She giggled devilishly, unfastened the seatbelt that was restraining her movements and dived down unclasping his belt and unzipping his pants.

"Shit!" he hissed slowing down the car. "Mer, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she asked coyly snaking her hand underneath his boxer briefs to meet his already hard length.

Derek couldn't deny the relief he felt when she freed his erection from the confines of his pants but… "Sweet Jesus!" His breath hitched when her blond head pried under his hands to take the engorged tip to her mouth.

Wild pleasure ripped his body and the car swerved from side to side and he slammed on the brakes pulling up on the side of the road. He reclined his seat trying to catch his breath when she deep-throated him. He felt his balls start to tighten when she pulled away out of a sudden, breathless and grinning wickedly.

"What? Wait!" mumbled Derek. "Where… do you think… you're going?"

"I'll give you a minute to catch your breath," she quipped relaxing on her seat. "So we can safely continue our drive."

He squinted at her raking his hair with frustration. That woman was driving him mad. She was stubborn, feisty and… sexy as hell. He tapped his fingers on his thighs. He was as hard as the most resistant stone. He clenched his teeth in irritation. No way she was going to leave him high and dry.

"You little…" he growled and dragged her roughly onto his lap.

"Bitch is the word you're looking for, I think," she breathed steadying on his shoulders.

He silenced her attacking her mouth possessively while his fingers unzipped her pants dragged them down her hips with her underwear. She automatically lowered her middle to meet his glorious hardness but he firmly held her in place.

"Oh, no, no," he shook his head smugly. "Now, I'm going to punish you a bit."

"Oh," she moaned biting her lip feeling herself dripping wet. He was always turning her so much on when he tried to dominate her. The next thing she felt was his long fingers spreading her slick folds with ease.

"My my, Dr. Grey," he breathed with contentment. "You're all wet… for me…"

"Yes! Yes!" She slammed her hips down to meet his finger which was rubbing her swollen nub of nerves. "Faster!"

He quickened his thrusts and added another finger, enjoying with satisfaction how she squirmed and wriggled in pleasure due to his ministrations. Her skin was pink and glowing, her rosy lips parted to elicit sweet moans and high-pitched screams. His penis strained even more for her luscious body.

"Harder, harder!" she coached him grinding her hips against his hand, coated in her juices.

"Where's the magic word?" he smirked deliberately slowing his movements.

She grabbed his raven locks violently and yelled to his ear, "Harder!"

He was relentless in torturing her. "I want you to beg!"

"Never!" she pouted trying desperately to increase the friction between her fiery core and his fingers. But the effort was futile, his grip on her hips too strong.

"Well then," he chuckled pulling his hand away. "I think you might need to catch your breath."

"Get that hand back here!" she panted, her pussy throbbing for him painfully.

"Beg," he ordered.

She let out an annoyed huff. She wanted both him to obey her and dominate her. "Please, Derek," she moaned looking into his stormy eyes. "Please, please!"

His lips arched in satisfaction and he reinserted his fingers into her moist warmth adding the third one. He thrust hard into her just as she liked and she kept rocking against him, bumping her ass on the steering wheel and blaring the horn.

He squeezed her clit between his fingers and she came with a scream, her walls collapsing around him.

"Oh, yes," she moaned trembling in the post orgasmic haze. But it was not enough, she wanted something bigger inside her. She lowered her pussy on his still uncovered penis that was at the brink of exploding having watched her come, and this time her action didn't raise any protests on his part. Their tongues meshed together as their bodies rocked rhythmically working each other towards release when they were started by a loud knocking on the window.

"End of playtime, kids!" a booming voice reached them from outside. Unfortunately, they couldn't see an inch outside since all the windows were thick with fog. "Officer Simmons and Officer Wilson!"

"Shit!" hissed Meredith trashing wildly on his lap trying to focus her mind. "Cops!"

"Pull up your pants, birdies and get outside," drawled the voice. "And take your driving license and ID."

The door opened and both Meredith and Derek rushed frantically to cover their private parts. Meredith lunged herself on the passenger seat off Derek's lap but she slipped on his legs and her knee collided heavily with his groin.

"Oh, fuck!" Derek gritted through his teeth and doubled as the excruciating pain pulsed between his thighs and he saw stars before his eyes.

"We're waiting here!" another policeman shouted impatiently.

"Derek?" asked Meredith with worry watching him breath frantically while his face went red. "I'm so sorry… I… Does it hurt?"

"What… do… you… think?" he snapped at her.

"Time's up, kids!" The door opened wider.

Meredith get outside anxiously and Derek roll out on shaking legs, gingerly protecting his aching penis.

"Your IDs, please," sighed one of the cops, a man in his fifties with a considerable stomach.

"IDs?" repeated Meredith with horror. What a humiliation it would be if it went public…

"Why so surprised, miss?" snorted the other policeman. "Your moment of fun posed a danger to other users of the road. Not to mention, it's illegal. You, straighten up!" he barked to Derek who was still bent over, panting hard.

"I think he might need to get to hospital as soon as possible!" Meredith said worryingly. The groin was the most vulnerable area in a man's body and well, her aim was impeccable. She bit her lips in distress, what if she hurt Little Derek for good? What if she broke his penis? That thought scared her to death…

"To hospital?" asked Officer Simmons skeptically smirking at Derek. "What, did she damage your goods?"

"I'll… be fine," he uttered attempting to straighten up. He was eager to come into the open with his relationship with Meredith. But not to the point where he would appear in Grace on a gurney clutching his penis, with Meredith at his side and two cops in tow, and all his friends, colleagues, residents and chatty nurses discovering his humiliating ailment.

"Good," nodded Officer Wilson. "Your IDs," he requested and studied Meredith's form pensively. "Are you even old enough to have one? You surely like them young," he commented turning back to Derek who would snort if wasn't too painful. He was curious to see their face when they looked into her ID and see that she was going on thirty. But he couldn't really blamed them. Meredith wore her very informal clothes, skinny jeans and a loose shirt. All that combined with the lack of make up made her look ten years younger.

The wheels in Meredith's brain began to turn. Seeing that Derek and his little friend would live, she decided to take care of her reputation. If it ever went public, it would be a scandal.

"I am old enough," she assured eagerly letting the wind flutter her shirt exposing more cleavage. "But is this ID showing really necessary?" she chocked her head, her hair flying around making her look angelic.

The two older men stared at her and of them said in a gentler tone than before, "You broke the law, sweetie."

"I… I didn't know," she scrunched her face battling her eyes innocently. "He was just to show me around… he said we were going to watch the ferryboats!" she pointed with her head at Derek.

"Some ferryboats he wanted to show you," muttered Officer Wilson pushing his cap from her head to scratch it.

"Please," Meredith fluttered her eyelids, unfolding her charm over two men.

"I don't know…" Simmons shook his head.

Derek stared at the scene before him in fascination his mouth opened wide. She was going to wriggle out of that, playing a dumb blond!

"Please," pleaded Meredith. "My Mom thinks I'm already at college. She'll… she'll be mad!" she hid her face in her hands.

Okay, thought Derek that was good, that was mastery. Meredith was really a good actress.

"Everything will be fine," Wilson patted her on the shoulder. "No one will know, I promise."

"Really?" Meredith lifted her head hopefully.

"Really," nodded Simmons. "But I'm giving you a warning! You have to be more careful in the future."

"Thank you!" Meredith gave them the most radiant smile she could muster. "I'm so happy!"

"You though," Simmons threw at Derek dangerously. "Your ID, how many times do I have to repeat myself?"

Meredith smiled at him furtively and he reciprocated with a glare. She got away and now he had to receive the full blow.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd… 35, a doctor…" muttered Simmons under his breath. "Aren't you ashamed to go for college girls?"

Derek clenched his jaws and decided not to talk. He was going to kill her. First, for his injured penis, which continued to hurt like hell by the way, then for her little stunt.

Officer Simmons returned after a couple of minutes from his car where he talked to the central to check up Derek's documents.

"You have a clean account," he said with surprise, making Derek roll his eyes. Great, now he was a horny pervert. "Not anymore."

Derek looked up at him wide-eyed. They wouldn't take him to jail for having a fuck by the side of the road, right?

"Maybe this will teach you to keep your little player in line."

Derek took the offered piece of paper and gaped at its contents. It was a fine for public indecency… for… $600…

"You're kidding me…" he let out before he could stop himself.

"No, I am not kidding you," snapped Simmons, "and be thankful we're not taking you with us. The jail's full of similar kind. Do you want us to give you a lift, miss?"

"Oh, no, thank you," said quickly Meredith. "We'll be good."

"Okay," Wilson agreed reluctantly throwing a mistrustful look at Derek. "But be careful and call us if you need help. And drive off as soon as you can, we won't be so lenient the next time."

"Thank you so much," nodded Meredith and waved at them.

"You are something," hissed Derek and Meredith was well aware it wasn't an expression of his admiration. He made to go back to the car but the throbbing in his groin hit him with increased intensity when he changed his position and he stumbled on his feet.

She hurried up to Derek and threw his arm over her shoulder to help him walk. "Is it still hurting?" she asked with concern.

"No," he replied angrily. "It's fucking killing me!"

She heaved him towards the other side of the car to the passenger seat but he stopped in protest.

"You can't walk! You think you'll be able to drive?" asked Meredith with light note of impatience in her voice.

He sighed and apparently recognized the reason behind her words. She helped him carefully into the jeep but he grimaced in pain anyway when he sat down.

She ran up to the seat of the driver and leaned to kiss his cheek gently but he jerked his head away.

"Derek, don't be mad," she pleaded stifling a smile and pushing stray locks from his forehead.

"Oh, I'm not mad!" he snapped. "Why would I be? You only fed me to sharks!"

"I can pay half of that fine," she offered an olive branch.

"I can pay! It's fine!" he bit back.

"Okay," she sighed and reached her hands towards his pants. "Let me have a look."

"What?" he snorted. "No! You've already had enough contact with my penis today!"

"I'm sorry, you know it wasn't deliberate!" she apologized hotly. "Der, you know I love your penis!"

She saw the corners of his mouth twitch and breathed in relief.

"Let me have a look," she repeated pushing his hands away from his crotch. She carefully unzipped his pants and her breath fanned his skin. She carefully touched him.

"I don't think it's broken," she said pensively from his lap. "But there's going to be some bruising. You should have it x-rayed just to make sure." Her fingers gingerly moved over the delicate organ and breath hitched in his chest.

"Seriously?" she chuckled looking up at him holding his penis that grew in her hand.

"At least we know it works," he smiled slightly and they burst out laughing together.

She returned to his eyelevel, warm at her heart and said softly, "I love you."

"You…" he trailed off gaping at her, breathing deeply. "What did you just say? Say it again!"

"I love you," she repeated smiling, looking at him almost shyly from under her eyelashes.

"God, Mer. Are you sure?"he asked breathlessly.

When she came home three weeks ago, all shaken up, and curled up on his chest crying herself to sleep he was afraid the unfortunate encounter with her father would prove a major setback in their budding relationship. But it didn't, he should have known better than that. That was how Meredith was, strong and resistant against whatever life threw at her. That was how she coped with everything, she stood firmly on her feet. And if she fell, she took the fall gracefully and stood up, ready to fight.

"I am ready," she nodded. "I took my time and now I'm ready. I was able to tell you because I'm ready."

He looked at her in wonder. She took him completely by surprise once again, he never expected her to share her feelings with him so fast.

"It's not out of pity, right?" he squirmed uncomfortably.

She giggled freely, her eyes sweeping of her his aching groin, "No."

He allowed himself to smile, "Meredith, I love you."

"I love you," she said back and they leaned for a gentle kiss.

"Ouch!" he jerked away reluctantly.

"We'd better go," she sighed. "We'll stop by at my place I'll get changed for work while you put some ice on that."

"Great," he sighed, gingerly closing his pants.

She started the engine and pulled off with a roar.

"Oh, shit," Derek grumbled and fastened his seatbelt.

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**Next chapter, fun continues and MerDer discover more about each other. ****Please, comment!**

**Em :)**


	20. Chapter 20: The Other Side Of This Life

**A/N As usual, I'm starting with huge thanks to all of you who keep reading and commenting! I'm glad you enjoy the last chapter.**

**This one contains a bit of fun too, enjoy!**

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Derek glanced furtively at the nurses station where all his friends stopped by on their way to or from their shift and hoped to limp around the lobby unnoticed. Meredith drove him off to the hospital and although he nursed an ice pack between his legs all the time and as a result the pain subsided significantly, it unfortunately still prevented him from walking normally. But he didn't care. Meredith told him she loved him and that was worth the throbbing in his balls. If only he could avoid awkward question from his colleagues…

"Shep, what happened to you?" Mark shouted over.

Shit, Derek bit his lip and turned bravely, trying to appear completely normal walking up. It turned unsuccessful as every step brought a wince on his features.

"Ah, the secret insatiable girlfriend," Mark lowered his voice when Derek reached him but every word was clearly heard in the curious silence that followed Derek's painful arrival.

"Mark," he hissed. "Thanks for telling everyone I know; I thought I could trust you."

"Of course, you can trust me," frowned Mark.

"You have a girlfriend?" asked Izzie interestingly. "Who is she? Do we know her?"

"It's… no one you know," Derek assumed it was more convincing than an outright denial.

"Probably not," smiled Izzie. "You wouldn't be able to keep it quiet if she worked here."

"No, he wouldn't," added Miranda with a smirk.

"That's why you haven't been to Joe's in weeks," smiled Izzie. "You should bring her over so we can meet her!"

"Uhm, Iz, I think he wants to keep her, not scare her away," chuckled Cristina. "And he was visibly too busy…"

"I would really appreciate if you discussed my private life behind my back like you should, not straight to my face," said Derek dryly.

"Dr. Shepherd," a nurse addressed him. "There are some pages missing from Mrs. Connor's documentation-"

"I know," Derek quickly cut in. "Her medical history, I took it home by mistake yesterday."

"Oh, he's so head over heels in love," cooed Izzie.

Derek rolled his eyes and balanced his briefcase on his knee but the new position brought new amount of pain. He stumbled and the documents poured on the floor.

Mark bent down to help him and fished a little piece of paper.

"Derek Shepherd, indecent exposure, 600 bucks!" he boomed loudly.

Derek went all red as the lobby erupted in laughter.

"What did you do, Shep?" inquired Mark while Derek yanked the fine from his hands hiding it into his briefcase.

"Nothing!" came Derek's muffled response.

"Public exposure doesn't sound like nothing but if you have nothing to show off," smirked Mark provoking another gale of laughter.

"You have nothing to show off, Dr. Shepherd?" Slightly breathless Meredith appeared out of nowhere putting her briefcase on the counter and untangling a scarf from her neck.

Derek sent her a deathly glare silently promising to get back at her.

"We're just wondering what he did to earn a punishment for public exposure?" chuckled Izzie.

"I think you're giving him too much credit. I bet he just peed over a tree in a park," quipped Cristina.

Meredith burst out laughing with others until she almost had tears in her eyes.

Red all over his face, Derek grabbed his briefcase violently and limped away.

"I need a consult," he said while passing Owen Hunt. "Like… now."

"Okay," the major nodded arching his eyebrows.

"This better be quick," muttered Derek leading his colleague into an exam room with distress painting on his face.

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"What's with the nurses today?" frowned Meredith as she, Cristina and George were scrubbing out after a surgery whileCallie Torres was finishing her part on their patient.

"They're mourning Shepherd," chuckled Cristina soaping her hands.

"Mourning?" asked Meredith cautiously. She new Derek was universally popular, the nurses fawned over him though she never considered a nurse a threat. But now Mark Sloan spilled the beans so they had to be extra careful around the hospital.

"Yeah, they lost him to a mysterious beauty who made him walk like a cowboy," Cristina drawled on. "Which is so unlike Shepherd."

"Why is that?" Cristina's last comment picked Meredith's interest. Hot dirty sex was a specialty of Derek's. He had the body, the fantasy and the stamina.

"Uhm, 'cause he's like that nice guy next door," shrugged Cristina. "You know the type, charming and flirting who will fix a leaking pipe or hang a picture. Good husband material and pretty boring."

Good husband material??? Ugh, she never thought about that. She just plucked up the courage to say she loved him!

"He's not boring," thought Meredith loudly making Cristina's eyebrows rise up. "I mean, he's infuriating."

"Yeah, that's weird too. He doesn't hold grudges," replied Cristina.

"Are you..?" asked Meredith suspiciously.

"God, no," grimaced Cristina. "I told you he's boring, I usually go for emotionally stunted men."

"About Shepherd," Meredith returned to the subject. She was curious what a man he was before she came into the picture. It seemed that her vision of him was a bit different from the general opinion. Of course, she knew he was a nice guy, helpful and reliable, but the wild adventurous streak was as clear as day. "Isn't he like Sloan, always out and about?"

She didn't know why she thought about that now and never before. Suddenly, she felt possessive of him and wary that there might be another woman in this hospital could stake claims for Derek Shepherd.

"You mean always in," smirked Cristina. "Nope. Apart from the fact that your friend from vagina squad domesticated the manwhore, Shepherd's charmy and flirty but he's all work. At least he was, always working for the chief position. It was quite a blow when you came over from Big Apple but… what do you care?"

"Maybe I like gossip," quipped Meredith flawlessly, not becoming any flustered at Cristina's suspicious question.

"Then I can dish you something on O'Malley here," offered Cristina smirking at George from behind Meredith.

"Oooh, what?" grinned Meredith. Dirt on George O'Malley? Impossible!

"Nothing! There's nothing!" George shook his head in panic sending a warning glare at the cardiosurgeon.

"George here holds a secret passion for someone."

"Really? You never said anything," said Meredith. "You've been at hospital all the time. If you need an evening off-"

"I don't!"

"She works at the hospital," continued Cristina.

At that moment Callie walked out of the OR, gave George a long look and seeing that all the sinks were busy walked off to wash her hands in front of another operating room.

"You like Callie," smiled Meredith.

"No, she's… she's not the one I'm attracted to," shrugged George.

"The one, so there's a one?"

"No, there… there isn't one… There is no one," he stammered in panic. He was certain he wouldn't live this down if Dr. Grey learnt he held a torch for her. On the other hand, would he have to nurse his feelings in secret forever?

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Meredith was making her way through the corridor without a hurry when she felt a pair of strong arms drag her through a door. She would scream but a hand closed over her mouth. But she didn't spend the last few years in New York for nothing. She managed to slip from the attacker and move her knee in the direction of his groin. She still remembered well the agonizing look on Derek's face this morning. Speaking of Derek… She tried to stop her leg midair and this way reduced the impact on his already battered groin.

"No! Not again," he groaned.

"God, I'm sorry!" she giggled, a hand moving over her face to stifle her laughter. "How's Little Derek?"

"He's going to be fine and he's not little," he greeted and she trembled under the fire in his eyes. "I'm not so sure about your tight Little Grey!" he flipped her around roughly pinning her to the wall and pressing hard to her beck. He bit at her lobe and whispered huskily, "Brace yourself, for the punishment will be harsh…"

A tormented moan escaped her throat and she instantaneously felt wet desire pooling at her panties. She bit her lip, and Cristina Yang thought he was boring!

"So…" she panted, "how are you going to punish me, Dr. Shepherd?"

"You know that ancient rule, eye for eye?" he asked mischievously rubbing himself against her uncontrollably. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard that you can't walk…"

"Oh, yes," her breath hitched in her chest and she bumped her ass towards him encouraging to put his words into action.

"That's for later though," he sighed releasing her hands. "I might need to recover a bit before I'm up to it... and you should go out before someone catches us again."

She giggled and went to the door.

"Meredith," he smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said and walked out with a saucy sway of her hips.

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The telephone rang and Meredith heard Patricia's voice over the intercom, "Mrs. Grey to see you."

Meredith stilled in her seat and her pen twitched on the paper."Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes, Mrs. Susan Grey," clarified her secretary.

What the hell was her stepmother doing outside her office? She was so sure that after their last encounter she would never see any of her father's new family ever again and she was at peace with that. She didn't want to see any of these people stopped thinking about Thatcher Grey and could invest all her undivided attention in Derek and the development of their relationship.

"Did she come privately or professionally?"

"Privately," came Patricia's answer seconds later.

"Then tell her I'm sorry but I'm extremely busy. I'm not available for anyone."

Meredith checked her watch. She had at least three hours of paperwork before her, during which nothing would force her to set a foot over the threshold of her office. After that she had a date with Derek who promised her some punishing. She automatically smiled at the memory of Derek's body mauling hers possessively.

When she checked the time again it was already 7 p.m., the time flew. She was about to call Derek when she thought better of it. According to the text he sent her, he was with his friends at Joe's. She could well have a trip herself and take a look to satisfy her curiosity. Was he any different amongst his colleagues? She needed to know all that was Derek.

Meredith left her office and started to walk when she heard her name called.

"Meredith!"

She turned around to see Susan jump from a seat against the wall picking up her things.

"You have a long workday," smiled Susan.

"Indeed," nodded Meredith loftily, "therefore, I've got no time to waste."

She turned to walk away but Susan caught up with her walking by her side.

"We've never been properly introduced, I'm Susan," she reached her hand invitingly towards her stepdaughter.

Meredith ignored the offered hand, "I can't say it's nice to meet you."

"I hope it will be, over time," replied Susan, not getting discouraged.

"I don't understand why you're even here," shrugged Meredith. "I thought you'd all get my message."

"I'm persistent."

"You surely are," muttered Meredith. "Looks like Thatcher Grey needs to hold a stronger woman by the hand."

"He feels really bad about what happened between you last month," said quietly Susan.

"I would be really glad to hear it if I believed you, or if I was any interested to hear it."

"This is becoming childish," remarked Susan. "Let's have a talk."

Meredith stopped in her tracks. "Look, I don't feel obliged at all that you waited for me outside my office for hours. It was your decision to waste your time. And now I'm wondering when it gets to you that I don't want to do anything with you?"

"We're family-" started Susan.

"No, we're not," snorted Meredith. "We never were and we certainly won't be. I don't have to serve as a reprieve for your guilty conscience. Goodbye."

She turned on her heel and strode away, out of the hospital and across the street.

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Derek took a gulp of beer and placed his half-empty glass back on the table he occupied with Mark, Addison and three of the troublesome four as the attendings used to call Bailey's former interns. He had to wait for Meredith to finish her work and in the meantime, Mark dragged him to Joe's. And to tell the truth, he was in two minds about it.

He certainly enjoyed these evenings spent over a drink, joking and laughing with their friends, even if some of them were his former residents. On the other hand, he felt a deep longing. Not only a physical one. Meredith would fit right in this group, she was fun and quick-witted. And he wanted to have outings together, to meet their friends together. Instead, he had to hide his feelings, the love of his life. But Meredith was certainly not ready for the whole world to know about them.

_She will be; she said she __loves me,_ he assured himself silently and swallowed some more beer.

"So, Dr. shepherd," a dark-haired woman appeared out of thin air beside their table.

"I'm sorry?" Derek frowned at her. He had no idea who she was, although she looked kind of familiar.

"Nurse Rose?" she said her name hopefully. "Me and my friends," she began pointing at the table behind. Derek took a glance, about a dozen pairs of eyes stared fixedly back. "We were wondering if the rumors were true."

Derek kept his mouth shut firmly. He certainly didn't feel like talking about his private affairs but pissing off the nurses was another story…

"You know, the rumors that you have a girlfriend," she smiled in a way that she probably thought sexy. It made Derek crave to run for the hills. He prayed Meredith would call soon.

"All the rumors are true," rescued him Mark mercifully. "They fuck like rabbits."

"We-" began Derek indignantly but trailed off seeing all the occupants of the table gape at him curiously and felt no inclination to deny, "…do."

"Oh, well," Nurse Rose didn't manage the grimace of discontentment. "Congratulations!" she smiled half-heartedly.

"That was scary!" grinned Alex from his end of the table when the nurse returned to her table dejectedly, welcomed with her friends impatient queries.

"Chief!" Izzie waved a hand towards the bar. "Are you coming to have a drink with us?"

Derek's head whipped in that direction and felt a shiver of excitement seeing the feral look in Meredith's eyes. She was clearly in a stormy mood, he hoped his Little Derek would be up for the challenge.

Meredith poured the shot delivered by Joe into her throat and marched up to their table.

"Sorry to turn you down, I just came for one drink and I'm dashing," she said and smirked, "How's your contusion, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Excellent," he breathed out.

"You're going home, Mer?" asked Addie.

"No," smirked Meredith and gave her a tiny wink. "I'm going back to hospital."

Derek tried not to blatantly stare at her swaying hips.

"You're saying good bye too, aren't you , Shep?" Mark and Addison smirked at him.

Derek reciprocated with a scowl, "Not at all." However, in his mind he wondered impatiently how much time could pass after Meredith's departure and his own so as not to raise any suspicions.

He slowly drained his beer when he got the message.

_UR cumming or have 2 take __care of myself?_

He pocketed his phone hastily, drank the remnants of his glass and hurried out of the bar, seen off by his friends' chuckles.

"The mysterious girlfriend?" asked Izzie with a grin.

"He's like incapacitated or something?" asked Cristina.

"Some like to have an occasional screaming orgasm," shrugged Alex and put his arm around Izzie. "Or a frequent one."

**********************************************************************************

Derek opened the door to his car and leaned on the door, going instantly, and painfully, hard. Meredith kept her word… She was leaned back on the back seat of the jeep, her pants down and her hand between her legs. She looked up at him with a challenge in her eyes.

He gulped heavily and uttered huskily, "You're being a bad girl again, Dr. Grey…"

"Yes… oh, yes…" she panted. "What… are you going to do… about that…?"

He glanced around cautiously and lunged himself into the car locking the door behind him. They were crazy to do that right here, so close to both the Joe's and the hospital but hell, he wasn't thinking with the right head right now.

"God…" she moaned. "I've been waiting all day for this…"

"For me to punish you?" he breathed as he flipped her onto her stomach and pulled her pants all the way down.

"Yes!" she grinded her butt against his loins.

His penis was iron hard and he wasted no time pushing into her hard.

"Oh, no!" they yelled but for entirely different reasons.

"Damn, that hurts," muttered Derek slipping from her reluctantly.

"They're coming here!" said Meredith as her vision rested out of the window where Cristina, Izzie and Alex were walking down the street laughing soundly.

"Ouch," Derek zipped his pants gingerly.

"Shut up!" whispered Meredith bringing a hand over his lips. "They might hear us!"

She took a peek through the window. The trio stumbled past and Meredith sighed with relief.

"Thank God they didn't see us," she rubbed her temples with frustration. "If they had seen us now… I wouldn't be able to face them when the truth comes out…"

He looked at her quickly with a heart beating with excitement, "When?"

"What?" asked Meredith incomprehensibly.

"You said _when_ the truth comes out," said quickly Derek.

"Oh, I mean…" said Meredith fixing her hair, "you don't want to hide our… thing forever."

"No, I don't," he confirmed making her look at him. "If it was only me decision, we would have been in the open from the start. But we're in this together. You're being careful and I respect that."

"I'm sorry," sighed Meredith. "I'm not the kind of girl you bring to dinner at your parents'."

He chuckLed seeing in his mind's eye Meredith at his mother's, surrounded by his sisters. Nancy would certainly meet her match. "Don't be, I'd wait forever for you."

"Would you?" inquired Meredith gravely. "You think it would be worth it?"

"I know so," he whispered and kissed her slowly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled embarrassedly after a couple of minutes.

"For what?" she frowned.

"I'm not exactly in shape for… you know…" he trailed off letting out a deep exasperated sigh.

"Now your male pride's hurting?" she purred into his ear and he shifted uncomfortably. "Okay, no torture. I abused you enough today. We can… talk for once…" she leaned back into the seat and stared at her hands.

"We can talk," he agreed a bit apprehensively.

"So… Cristina told me you were boring," she began.

"Okay, and that's a deal breaker?" he chuckled. "I'm kinda worried since you value her opinions so highly lately."

She rolled her eyes at him. "It just… got me thinking, because it doesn't sound like you at all! You do crazy things me with me all the time. Were you a different person before my arrival? Or, I don't know… have I corrupted you?"

Derek laughed at her question but got lost in thought quickly sobering up. "I wasn't as much as a different person," he confessed. "I just… acted differently. I mean, I wasn't an ass like the first time I met you."

"Were you a nice guy next door or a good husband material?"

"I don't know where you get that stuff," he laughed. "Cristina again? I guess I was… boring in a way. I had a goal, becoming the next chief so I didn't take any risks. You said once yourself I was comfortable."

"No relationships? Flings at the workplace?" she narrowed her eyes at him. "Women check out your ass all the time."

"First, I was never a manwhore. Second, I never a dated a coworker before you, it could mess with my career," he shrugged.

"It won't mess anymore," sighed Meredith.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you resent me sometimes?" she stopped beating around the bush. "I realize you can't resent me while we're having sex because the sex we're having is great but when we're not having it…"

"You're rambling!" he laughed. "Meredith Grey, you're rambling!"

"I am not!" she huffed folding her arms across her chest.

"You were, just a minute ago," he insisted with a grin.

"Fine, I rambled!" she snapped. "I used to ramble when I was a teenager and I was practically socially inept. But I stopped to be verbally incapable and do not ramble now! Besides, we were talking about you, so don't change the subject!"

"To answer your question," he whispered bringing her close to him against her halfhearted resistance, "I do not resent you. I thank God every day that Richard picked you over me. I love you, remember that part?"

"You can love me and resent me at the same time," she argued. "It is possible."

"I'm just that generous," he quipped.

"And arrogant," remarked Meredith. "Which is another piece that doesn't exactly fit."

"I am arrogant," agreed Derek, "though life taught me some humility recently. You saved me from becoming a wreck of a man. You weren't the only one concentrated on work. And then you came and-"

"Stole your job," she cut in.

"You didn't steal anything," he shook his head. "You were better. It was your job since the moment you sent in your candidature."

She looked him deeply in the eyes and saw nothing but the sincerity.

"You made me see the world in the right proportions again," he went on.

"You're making me see it this way for the first time in my life," she bit her lip and straightened the collar of his shirt. "Derek… I don't know if I'm ready to be open with our relationship. I don't know if I can handle… everything right now. It feels safe without all of the vultures around knowing and I… don't want to lose that."

She moved back to the seat.

"What are you not telling me?" he gave her a piercing look.

"Susan Grey came to see me today," she sighed. "Thatcher's wife."

"She did?" Derek raised his eyebrows. "What did she want?

"It looked like she was extending an olive branch," sighed Meredith.

"Did you talk with her?"

"I kind of… asked her to leave me alone."

"Asked her?" Derek was sure the encounter wasn't so calm and polite.

"Okay," huffed Meredith. "I kind of told her to leave me the hell alone."

Derek laughed lightly, "That sounds more like you."

"And? That's all you've got to say?"

"Mer, I'm not going to lecture you," he waved his fingers into her soft her. "They hurt you, you don't have to talk to them if you're not ready but… I think it's worth considering. It looks like they want to make things better between you."

"Don't you think my father is the one who should be asking me for it? Not his wife?"

"Probably, maybe," he shook his head. "I can't say I've ever understood his actions. Maybe he's hurting too."

"Not more than I've been… was," she insisted. "Let's… let's move from here. My ass is starting to root."

"Ok, do you want me to drive you home?"

"No," she shook her head as though it was the most obvious issue in the world. "We're going to the trailer."

Derek smiled widely, "Even if Little Derek is on sick-leave?"

"Well then, Dr. Grey has to personally take care of him if he's ill," she licked her lips. "I heard massage is good for relieving pressure…"

Derek's mouth went dry while his imagination wild.

"Oh, one more thing, Der," she said with false sweetness when they got off. "Who was that woman?"

"What woman?" frowned Derek opening the door, not knowing what she was talking about.

"That slut who was throwing herself all over you in the bar!" Meredith threw away all the pretences.

"Oh, her, I mean…" muttered Derek cringing under the malicious glint in her eyes. "She's… she's a nurse, I think."

"Oh, she's a nurse, how cozy!" she cooed. "I've heard you're friendly with the nurses."

"What?" he asked. "I don't even know her! I didn't invite her to our table, she came herself!"

She squinted at him suspiciously and the power of her regard forced him to look nowhere than into her eyes although he felt suddenly self-conscious.

"Good, because otherwise I might accidentally carry out a wrong kind of therapy for Little Derek," she nodded and got into the passenger seat.

Derek cringed and took a deep breath. But at the back of his mind wandered a very satisfying thought, Meredith was possessive of him.

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**A/N Next update: someone's arrival at Seattle Grace pushes MerDer relationship in the right direction. **

**In the meantime, please review!**

**Have a good week, everyone!**

**Em**


	21. Chapter 21: Smooth Criminal

**A/N Thank you for all the comments you've made after the last chapter!**

**As I mentioned, someone arrives at Seattle Grace and makes Mer want to go cage fighter… :) Hope you enjoy!**

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Meredith closed a paper folder with anger and threw it over her desk, sending it flying onto the floor. The documents that were stacked inside spilled all over. But Meredith continued to sit in her chair, fuming. Why couldn't the Greys stay the hell away from her and her hospital? Since she dismissed Susan two weeks ago, she had to endure countless phone calls on her part and even once from Thatcher, and now… now her half-sister, Alexandra Grey, was applying for a place in the program at Seattle Grace.

Technically, Meredith didn't have any reason to suspect it had anything to do with the want to meet her. Grace was currently ranked as the third teaching hospital in the country, graduates of medical schools would kill for a chance to have their internship here. It was probably the most natural choice for that girl, close to home, family and friends. Meredith had to admit she was good, not as good as her of course, her career was already skyrocketing at the age of 24, she thought with grim satisfaction. Her smirk disappeared however as she allowed the realization to sink in that she had to be objective and objectively speaking, Alexandra Grey probably wouldn't have much trouble to be accepted.

The phone rang. Meredith pressed the intercom angrily.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd's claiming you called him to come," said Patricia impatiently.

"I did," snapped Meredith.

"You… did. Very well, Dr. Shepherd, go on."

Derek entered the office with a self-satisfied grin. For once, he defeated Patricia. A knight that slew a great ugly dragon guarding his princess's door would feel the same. But as his eyes fell on Meredith, he began to wonder if he shouldn't have spent some more time chatting up the secretary.

Meredith had furious fire in her eyes and judging by the messy heap of documents on the floor he should be careful for any other objects flying around.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" he asked with concern and moved up to pick up the manhandled folder.

"My stepsister wants to start her medical career in my hospital," she gritted out closing her eyes for a moment.

"She's a doctor?" Derek raised his eyebrows in surprise and sat down across her.

"A wannabe surgeon," she sighed.

"She's applying for internship here," stated Derek with understanding. "What are you going to do?"

"I would love to reject her application," said Meredith vindictively, "but…"

"But?"

Meredith stood up and showed him Alexandra's CV.

"Top of her class at Harvard?" read Derek. "She seems to be following in your footsteps."

"Oh, please," snorted Meredith. "She's gonna be a lowly intern, not a chief of surgery."

Derek smiled leniently, "You're ready to accept her? To work with her?"

Meredith tapped her fingers on the desk distractedly. No, she wasn't ready. Grace was her hospital. She was settling here. She was still 29 and had pretty much all her career before her but… staying in Seattle… with Derek… felt good. And would feel even better if she wasn't forced to watch her stepsister's face every day.

"I think I'm going to organize a committee this year," she said. "Three members will suffice. They'll choose new interns. If Alexandra doesn't get a place, I won't have ethic board breathing down my neck. You want to be included?"

"What, in the committee? No," he shook his head with a smile and took her hand in his. "I don't want to be the object of your wrath if she gets accepted."

She grinned against herself, "Sorry, that's not why I called you. Before I got distracted with my family affairs, I had a call from Dr. Miles. She's already in Seattle, and will be here at 4 p.m. We'll greet her together."

"Ahh, finally," he smiled which brought a scowl on her face.

"So not fair," she pouted.

"I agree," he smirked at her and stood up encircling her waist with his arms. "You have the title of the chief and mountains of paperwork whereas I have a fancy trial."

"All thanks to me," she squinted at him and combed his hair with her long fingers.

Dr. Gretchen Miles, a renowned surgeon, choose Seattle Grace for her clinical trial. Meredith was eager to cooperate with her but she wouldn't have time and well, it wasn't her baby. She wouldn't have the decisive voice. Derek though agreed to take part in the study and would be working alongside Dr. Miles.

"So, Dr. Miles will be at four…" he started and Meredith recognized the mischievous note in his voice that always indicated he wanted… "That means we have a bit of time just for the two of us…"

He gripped her thighs and placed her on her desk breathing her in, his nose grazing her neck.

She giggled, her hands travelling down his strong back. "Patricia's right behind the wall."

"So?" he kissed the side of her mouth. "We enjoy the thrill of risk…"

"She's gonna hear…" she breathed out feeling his hand closing on her breast and testing its weight.

"Let her hear," he chuckled.

"No!" she squealed as he bit on her neck lightly.

"Dr. Grey?" Almost immediately, Patricia knocked on the door to the office, alarmed by the mysterious noises. "Are you alright?"

"Everything is fine, Patricia. Thank you," shouted Meredith over the door and lowered her voice significantly speaking to Derek, "See? She hears everything."

"Oh, come on," insisted Derek sliding his lips from her jaw to her neck and clavicle. "We'll be quiet…"

"Not possible," she whispered. "Besides… I don't want to be quiet. I want to scream your name while you fuck me hard."

He ground his hardening length against her middle, "Cocktease."

"You'll pay for that," she purred pushing him away. "On-call room on the next floor, fifteen minutes."

"I'll be there," he winked at her and left, praying his Little Derek to stay calm until he got there.

**********************************************************************************

"You know, I see more and more disadvantages of the trial," took up Derek as they were waiting in the lobby for Dr. Miles.

"Yes? What disadvantages, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked professionally, turning to him, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Think about all the time I'll have to spend in the lab or with patients instead of with you."

"Where are your ambitions, Dr. Shepherd?" she shook her head at him.

"In your bed," he quipped his eyes taking up the stormy color. "Or in mine if you're in it."

She bit her lip not to smile. "Don't look at me like that," she warned him. "We're in the middle of the lobby."

"We've talked about this, Mer," he sighed in frustration. "When are we going to stop the acting?"

"Soon," she waved her hand dismissively. "Now it's not the time to discuss it. I think… I think our guest has just arrived."

They both turned to face the short procession that was approaching them and Meredith… felt first misgivings about the arrival of Dr. Miles leading the group of newcomers.

She saw the neurosurgeon's photos in medical press earlier but they didn't do her justice. She must be a couple of years older than Meredith, probably around Derek's age, but she looked flawless and her legs… Meredith always prided in her impeccable ones but she thought she looked like a dwarf compared to Dr. Miles.

"You must be Dr. Grey," smiled the woman reaching out her delicate manicured hand.

Meredith's eyes quickly swept over her riddleless face and dark rich hair. Isabella freaking Rossellini…

She feigned a smile and shook her hand, "Welcome to Seattle Grace, Dr. Miles. We're honoured to be hosting your trial."

"Don't be silly, it's Gretchen. And this is…?" she squinted at Derek.

Meredith's jaws clenched dangerously but she controlled herself and presented him with reservation, "It's Dr. Shepherd."

"Ah," Gretchen's face all lit up. "The Dr. Shepherd I'll have the pleasure to work with?"

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Miles," Derek shook her hand. "Thank you for including me in your trial."

"You're _very_ welcome," her lips widened in a teeth showing grin. Meredith felt that if she had a scalpel at hand she would stick it blindly in Dr. Miles's ivory neck. The coy undertones in her voice called for a cold-blooded murder.

"And I've already said, I'm Gretchen. Let's drop the titles," she battled her eyelids at the man before her as though she would like them to drop clothes. "We're gonna spend lots of time together…"

"Derek," he nodded his head.

"Oh, and these are my two assistants," she pointed at a man and a woman behind her. "Dr. Cameron Michaels and Dr. James Willard."

"Perhaps you could take me to my office," asked Gretchen.

"Of course," said Derek. "Dr. Grey, can you lead the way?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and departed with a nod. She well could. She wouldn't let them by themselves. She breathed with trouble. How could she survive the three months of the envisioned stay of Gretchen Miles at Seattle Grace? And she served Derek to that woman on a silver plate…

**********************************************************************************

Meredith stack closely to Derek and Gretchen pretending to be greedy for all details concerning the trial until he was paged for his patient. Only then Meredith decided she had to take a break from Dr. Miles's presence or her face would freeze in a false smile forever.

But that was two hours ago and Meredith decided to examine the situation.

"Dr. Miles," she addressed the woman knocking on the door to her office. She wouldn't call her by her name, nothing would force her to treat her as her friend. "I wanted to check if you're acclimatizing well? Is everything to your advantage?"

"Yes, of course," Gretchen smiled warmly segregating her documents. "The equipment is marvelous and the staff simply wonderful… Dr. Shepherd especially, thank you for recommending him."

Meredith bit her tongue, she had been an idiot but maybe she should change her tactics…

"Yeah, well, about that," stated Meredith making a concerned face. "To tell the truth, I wasn't so sure about picking him. His mind is completely elsewhere these days."

"Elsewhere?" asked Gretchen curiously, picking up a cup of coffee from the desk.

"He's been more concerned with his private life than work lately," went on Meredith. "He met a love of his life and she's all he thinks about."

"That's how it is with relationships," shrugged the brunette with an indifferent smile. "The novelty will soon wear off and he won't dream about leaving the hospital." she crossed her legs confidently.

"I've heard it's pretty serious, they're going at it all the time, if you know what I mean," smiled sweetly Meredith.

"Well, he clearly has stamina," giggled Gretchen. "That's something any woman would like to put to test," she winked mischievously at Meredith.

Unknowingly to both of them, Nurse Debbie had halted outside the open door to the office, registering Shepherd's name with interest.

Meredith lifted the corners of her mouth with difficulty. Was that pale witch dumb or just pretending? Any normal, and decent, woman would get the hint by now that the man was off limits.

"I'm not sure any woman would put that to test anymore," she said bluntly. "His girlfriend broke his penis a couple of weeks ago… and I've heard he can't… get it up since then…"

Debbie covered her mouth with her hands not to whimper. Poor Dr. Shepherd!

"Poor Dr. Shepherd," smirked Gretchen. "But I think that a proper stimulation could do it."

Meredith saw red. Proper stimulation? She was giving Derek the greatest pleasure a man could get from a woman. She eyed Gretchen's lips with superiority, two thin lines. As for the breasts, Meredith recognized her defeat. Gretchen was bigger in general and in consequence, every other part of her was bigger.

"Or I could offer him my help," went on Gretchen. "As you know, I'm a specialist in connectivism. I would love to take care of Derek's damaged nerves."

"How lucky that you joined us," Meredith strained her face muscles to stretch in a smile. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you," Gretchen smiled sweetly. "We're gonna have so much fun together."

"Yay," muttered Meredith under her breath walking out of the office, not noticing Nurse Debbie scurrying away to tell her friends the news of the day.

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It was about ten p.m. and the corridor was empty. Meredith stood up on the tips off her toes as much as her high heels allowed her to and started to creep towards Gretchen's office. The dark-haired doctor insisted to have late night brainstorm with her coworkers but Meredith wasn't born yesterday. Plus, you didn't meet a man like Derek Shepherd every day, Miles would probably waste no time in catching him in her clutches.

And she was Meredith's complete opposite, both in body and character. She was taller, broader, dark-haired, and adding to all that, smiley, flirty and giggly. What a whore… thought Meredith dryly. But she remarked with relief that she was also older and was much closer to getting all wilted and wrinkled.

"I walked over there two minutes ago and I assure they weren't fornicating," Bailey's sarcastic comment made her jump and grasp the wall for support.

"You scared me to death!" accused Meredith rearranging her clothes and hair to save some dignity. But hell, she was more interested in something else. "What _were_ they doing?"

Bailey frowned but took pity on her and said, "He was reading scans while she was trying to show him leg. What a waste of time, in my opinion, there were her assistants anyway."

"What a brainless slut!" huffed Meredith pacing up and down.

"Isn't she," nodded Bailey. "Drooling over Shepherd…"

"Yeah!" exclaimed Meredith.

"… on her first day at work…" went on Miranda stoically.

"Damn right!"

"Probably anxious to drag him to the nearest supply closet…"

"Exactly! Wait!" Meredith's head whipped at her. "What? I'm not anything like her! I love him!"

Bailey's expression softened and she sighed, "And he's completely besotted with you. He doesn't want to do anything with her other than professionally. He would have to be stupid and blind, which he's not. But don't tell him I said that. And… trust him."

"I do," she breathed out. Did she really? "It's her I don't trust!"

"You could always let more people in our little secret circle," remarked Bailey offhand. "Dropping a hint around a nurse will do the trick."

Meredith's eyes went wide.

"You've already used the nurse gossip system quite effectively today," snorted Miranda.

"I… didn't," Meredith shook her head frowning.

"You sure?" chuckled the plump doctor. "You might not want to face your lover boy tonight."

Meredith stared at her retreating back wondering what she meant.

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Meredith yawned, her head almost slipping from her palm onto her desk. She rubbed her eyes. Eleven p.m., she could've been home hours ago but she chose to wait for Derek. She suspected it was going to be long three months…

The door opened impetuously and he stormed in.

"Thank God, you're finished," said Meredith getting to her feet and reaching for her briefcase. "I'm dreaming of a hot shower and bed."

"Not so fast," he stood firmly with his arms folded defensively across his chest. "We've got something to talk about."

Meredith eyed him cautiously. He had a scowl on his handsome face and his eyes were flashing. Why was he angry? Never mind, angry Derek was hot…

"I'd like you to tell me why I've been getting impotence advice all day," he snapped.

Oh, crap… cringed Meredith. How did that get out? Wait, the nurses…?

"Uhm, you have problems?" asked Meredith innocently. "Why didn't you tell me? I mean, everything worked more than fine last night."

He let out an ironic laugh, "Cut that shit, Meredith. I know you told Gretchen that I… wait, what was it, ah yes, that I can't get it up!"

She approached him with a coy smile and placed her palms on his taut abdomen. "But we both know you can, so… what's the problem?"

"You weren't the one at the receiving end of those sympathetic looks," he shrugged, her hands caressing his torso distracting him.

"I'm sorry," she purred into his ear, hooking her fingers under his belt.

"I'll accept your apology," he muttered. "You were just jealous after all…"

"I was not!" she said indignantly jerking from him.

"Yes, you were," he smirked.

"I was not!"

"I realized that when Dr. Miles offered her skillful help with the ailment Dr. Grey was so kind to reveal."

"I'm repeating once more, I'm not jealous! I don't get jealous!" she said irritably.

"Sure," he let out a small laugh.

"She's just one filthy whore!" yelled Meredith. "Flaunting herself at you!"

"And you're all green," he looked at her with satisfaction.

She bit her lip in defeat and turned away from him. Further arguing was useless. "Maybe!"

He gently caressed her arms standing behind her.

"Thank you," he whispered. "But where did you get the idea that I'd jump at her?"

"She's attractive," she remarked tracing invisible patterns on her desk.

Derek turned her over in his arms."Is she?"

"Even if you're completely cheesy most of the time, you're still a male and as such you must have noticed. Especially if that was her point."

"Meredith," he shook his head at her chuckling. "I'm not interested in other women. Dr. Miles is just a coworker for me and I don't look for anything else than that."

Meredith felt a bit more at ease.

"She has bigger boobs," she argued ready for him to defend her.

"I frankly don't see why you're comparing yourself with her," he sighed and snaked his hands from her shoulders to her chest cupping her breasts into his large hands. "But I happen to like your boobs very much, they fit right into my hands…"

"Mhm," she moaned breathlessly closing her eyes. "I have shorter legs…"

"Just ideal to hook around my waist so I can go deeper inside you," he murmured.

"Yes…" she groaned. "I'm sorry, Derek… I was just… and she was lifting a leg to pee on my territory."

Derek burst out laughing bringing her tightly against his chest. "It's okay… but you know, you can mark your territory so that everyone can see."

"You mean coming out of the closet?" she sighed breaking away from him.

"Yes, it's high-"

"I'm… I'm not ready," she interrupted. "Besides, how do you imagine doing this? Telling one of the nurses that you can get it up for me all the time? Letting someone walk on us in the supply closet? Sticking your tongue into my mouth in the middle of the lobby?"

"Wow," Derek commented on her outburst. "I've been thinking… about more subtle options."

"You've been thinking?" she raised her eyebrows. "For how long?"

"Long," he replied dismissively. "Let's go to the intern mixer together."

She stared at him speechlessly taking in his hopeful expression. They mentioned stopping to hide from everyone a couple of times but he was… planning it actively.

"It's…" she trailed off.

"It's three weeks from now," he went on with a calm soothing voice. "We have some time to get used to the idea. I think it's a perfect occasion."

"Everyone… everyone will be there…" Meredith rubbed her temple slowly.

"Well, that's the point," he admitted. "The more people see us, the less gossip there will be."

"I… I don't know, Derek," she muttered and he was able to detect the note of panic in her voice. "My sister might be present at the mixer… I… have to think about it!"

"We have three weeks, Mer," said Derek. "Now let's go home."

"Go first," she said quietly. "I'll join you in five minutes."

He nodded reluctantly and departed. Meredith knew he'd be waiting for her in his jeep at the back entrance to the parking lot, as always. He was giving her time again but Meredith had no illusions. He might be supporting and soothing but he was more and more insistent and Meredith recognized his absolute right to do that. He had been the more giving party in this relationship so far. Maybe it was time to leave her warm comfortable cocoon? Well, not that comfortable anymore thanks to Gretchen Miles.

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**A/N Ah, I just love abusing Derek and his ego…**

**About coming up with Dr. Miles I'll just say that… Dr. Frankenstein must have felt similar having created his Monster… **

**You know I love to hear your afterthoughts!**

**Em :)**


	22. Chapter 22: Total Eclipse Of The Heart

**A/N ****Hey, I'm posting a little earlier than usual since I don't have the chapter ready for my other story this week. Thank you for all your remarks after the last update.**

**I hope you'll enjoy the update. I used one of my favorite scenes from the show (I didn't enjoy the plotline that followed but the scene itself always takes my breath away with those bottled emotions etc.). In the chapter, Gretchen makes a move on while Meredith a decision despite her initial reluctance.**

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"I hate that slut, I could take out her eyes with a rusty spoon…" muttered Meredith staring fixedly at her plate, deliberately avoiding looking at Dr. Miles who joined Mark and Derek at their table in the cafeteria just a minute ago.

"Tell me something I don't know," sighed Addie.

"They're betting, they're betting when he's going to sleep with her," Meredith gritted out, gripping her plastic fork so tightly that her knuckles went white.

"Mer, you're caring too much for what common gossipers say."

"Easy for you to say," snapped at her Meredith. "I wonder what would you do if the whore was going after McSteamy."

"That's simple," shrugged Addison. "I would tell her to fuck off."

"Well, I can't do that," bit back Mer sarcastically.

"She'd leave Grace to ridicule in the middle of her precious trial," commented Addison observing her friend's face closely. "But that's not your biggest concern…"

"Of course it is," lied Meredith. "I need to protect my hospital, even if it's at odds with my private interest."

"What bullshit," smirked Addison. "You're just hell-bent on continuing to play hide and seek with Derek."

"It's better like this," said Meredith with a small voice.

"Sure," sighed Addison. "Have you already told him that you're not going with him to the mixer or you're still leading him on?"

"I am not!"

"You've been evading giving him a decisive answer for days repeating over and over again that you need to think," went on Addison pitilessly. "How would you call that?"

It was all true, she was avoiding the subject of the mixer for three weeks with a changing success. It always came up in conversation at some point, no matter if Derek hinted at it, mentioned it in passing, deliberately opened the subject or blatantly argued with her. Arguments happened alarmingly often between them these days. Meredith couldn't fully contain her jealousy whereas Derek was getting impatient with her stalling.

"I'll tell him today," replied quietly Meredith.

"About time," remarked Addison. "The mixer's tomorrow, remember?"

"Hard not to remember, "sighed Meredith raking her food purposelessly.

The committee including George O'Malley, Cristina Yang and Patricia chose a group of interns that were to begin their work at Seattle Grace this fall. One of them was Meredith's half-sister, Alexandra Grey. Everything indicated that Meredith might see her tomorrow evening, during the mixer.

"Meredith, are you sure you won't change your mind?" asked Addison more softly. "Derek wants to be at your side. Permanently. Why can't you let him?"

"I don't know," she managed to utter. Maybe because it would be the ultimate break with her old lifestyle, her previous solitary existence. Why was it so hard to leave it behind her if being with Derek seemed happier, warmer… yet scarier.

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She was standing stiffly with her hands gripping the edge of a small table in the on-call room.

"I… uhm…" started Meredith casting her eyes down almost shamefully, her loose hair framing her face and hiding it from his view..

"You're not ready for this," finished for her Derek, leaning against the bunk bed, his hands in the pockets of his lab coat.

"No," she shook her head. She glanced at him, only to resume staring at the floor. She couldn't brace herself to meet the pain in his eyes.

"I ask for too much," he stated more than asked.

"I think so," some destructive force pushed her to say.

"So this is it?" he asked causally, a hint of disbelief in his voice. They could be discussing a medical problem with the same polite intonation.

Her lips trembled. "Yeah," she breathed out. Terrifying, how one monosyllable could break one's heart and cast it into the abyss of grief.

"We're breaking up," he clarified, ripping the wounds open without anesthesia.

"We're breaking up," she following him into the pain.

He moved up to her silently, his lips fixed in a smile that was always the first thing greeting her in the morning. She knew and loved that look so much... then his lids covered his eyes leisurely and he gazed at her from under his eyelashes… But right now his regard was hollow.

"We're broken up," he whispered studying every inch of her face longingly, like they would leave this room and part for a lifetime.

She tried to look at him coldly but she melted in such a close proximity to his warmth. He eyed her lips, her eyes and her lips again. A thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance followed by a dead silence as they inched closer together and closer… She lowered her head dejectedly. Her heart was beating out of her chest but they were broken up. A deep sigh escaped her…

Her parted lips called him, they belonged to him just minutes ago… he caught them with his, pushing her hair out of their way coaxing her mouth wider with his thumb.

His hands flung the lapels of her coat open. Her fingers grazed his chest and he needed no further encouragement on her part.

"Break-up kiss," his hot breath fanned her face.

"Break-up kiss," she whispered with equal desire.

He cupped her face firmly. Their passion overtook them, their tongues danced blindly. She slid the lab coat off his shoulders while he tugged at her belt. The need to feel their bodies against each other, skin on skin, was overwhelming.

"Let's have some break-up sex," she said quietly. One last time.

"Break-up sex…"

Her fingers wove into his locks and she felt the sweet pressure of his body…

"_Meredith, Meredith,"_ his gentle voice sounded in her ear.

She opened her eyes and jerked disorientated. The storm was raging outside. She was in her street clothes, in an on-call room, on a bed… Derek was crouching beside, leaning over her, fully clothed. She must have fallen asleep waiting for him.

She tried to catch her breath, pushing her hair from her sweaty face. It was a bad dream… but it felt so real… She had to make sure it wouldn't ever come true.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," he said with concern in his voice at the sight of her pale face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded fervently propping herself on her elbow. "Yeah, yeah… about the mixer, Derek-"

"I understand, Mer," he nodded with a small smile. "You're not ready."

"No!" she yelled grabbing his hand. "I… am… I will be!"

"You… what are you saying?" he asked, out of breath.

"Let's… let's go together… tomorrow…" she spluttered.

"You want to…?"

"Yes," she caressed his fingers absent-mindedly. "I want you."

"So… tomorrow…" he breathed out.

"Yeah," she nodded breathlessly.

"Yeah," he smiled kissing her lightly on the lips. He took off his shoes and slipped on the bed beside her, dragging a blanket over their bodies. "I thought you'd want us to wait longer."

"You did?" she asked anxiously.

"Yes," he answered simply hooking his arm around her waist. "I've been watching you struggle. I thought you had refusal on the tip of your tongue every time you laid your eyes on me."

"Well, I didn't," she said more resolutely than she felt. "You don't have to ditch me anymore."

"What?" choked Derek. "What are you talking about?"

He was answered only with her silence.

"You think I was going to leave if you said no?" he asked tormented. "Meredith, it was not an ultimatum. Look at me," he made her face him. "I know we've been rocky recently but every couple argues sometimes. It doesn't mean it's the reason to break up."

"So you wouldn't…?" she snuggled into his warm embrace.

"No," he breathed deeply inhaling her flowery scent. She really wasn't confident in their relationship. "You don't have to worry. If you'd prefer us to go separately tomorrow, I understand and I'll still be by your side. I don't want to force you into anything," he assured, though his voice was somewhat deflated and disappointed.

"We're going," she announced firmly. "We're going."

"Meredith…"

"I made up my mind," she cut him across. "Don't argue!"

"Yes, Chief," he chuckled. "You're going home tonight? You shouldn't drive, you're worn out."

"More mentally than physically," she shrugged. "I'm okay. I just want… to lie down with you for a while…"

"Yeah, it feels good," he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as their foreheads met on the pillow. "I love you, Meredith."

"I'll never get tired of hearing that," she smiled slightly and relaxed her body in the safety of his arms. "I love you too."

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"Chief!" George's voice stopped her before she could get on the lift.

"George?"

"Sorry for holding you behind," he breathed out catching up with her. "It will take just a minute…" he balanced a tower of documents in his arms searching for the right one. "Here, it is… the list of guest for the mixer. If you could approve it… so I can give it to the security…"

"Sure," she nodded.

"Oh, and a…" he hesitated. "I need to know if… you're bringing an escort… We need to know the number of guests…"

"I'll be with my date," she sighed, "but he works at hospital so he'll be here anyway. No need to make any changes to the list. Where should I sign?"

"Dr. O'Malley," she repeated clearly when he didn't respond.

"Oh, right," he cleared his throat. "Here… Uhm, thank you."

"Thanks," she nodded and jumped into the lift, not noticing the look on her deputy's face. The information she threw so lightly, the information that the woman he adored and admired for past months was coming with a date, a male date, made his heart freeze. He tried to calm himself that maybe it was just a friend. She had to have some company since Dr. Montgomery was coming with Sloan.

However, at the back of his mind, he realized the truth. He never see her talk with any of the doctors on the subject other than professional. She must have kept the relationship very quiet, probably to avoid gossip. She shouldn't have hid with it if it was just friendship. George let out a tormented sigh, he blew his chance, as always.

**********************************************************************************

Half an hour after their breakthrough conversation, Derek was forced to end his break and let go of Meredith's voluptuous body. Having convinced her to take a cab instead of driving alone in the pouring rain at this hour, he reentered the laboratory where Dr. Miles was already waiting with empty coffee cup.

"Where are Willard and Michaels?" he asked taking his place behind the computer screen energetically. "Slacking off?"

"I gave them a free evening," smiled Gretchen. "They were complaining they didn't have anything to wear for tomorrow's mixer."

"And they want to find something at this hour?" chuckled Derek.

"Better late than never," shrugged Gretchen and walked up to him slowly. "I'm sure we'll cope with the workload alone."

He nodded absent-mindedly, studying pensively the test results on the screen.

"You're looking all freshened-up after the break," she remarked stopping behind him.

"Oh, yeah," he let out a small laugh. He felt as though he had got a new lease of life. Tomorrow was a big day for him and Meredith. They were going to officially become Derek and Meredith, or like she probably would prefer, Meredith and Derek.

"So, about this party tomorrow," she leaned on his desk looking at the screen from behind his shoulder. "Might be fun."

"Have you ever been at an intern mixer?" he snorted. Well, tomorrow it certainly would be out of ordinary, at least for him.

"I guess everything depends on the company," she remarked coyly while her locks grazed his shoulder.

"True," he agreed distractedly.

"Great that we seem to have similar views on that subject," grinned Gretchen. "I also think we might keep each other's company incredibly well."

"I'm sorry," he turned his swivel chair to face her with a small frown.

"Don't be," she shook her head moving between his legs. "There will be nothing to be sorry about."

He pushed the chair back immediately and stood up. "Dr. Miles-"

"It's Gretchen," she nodded. "I've been giving you covert signals for the last three weeks. But you're not some playboy, are you, Derek? You need more incentive. So I thought that it's time to stop beating around the bush and the party seems like an excellent opportunity."

"I did notice the signals," admitted Derek keeping the distance so the brunette wouldn't invade his personal space. "But I ignored them, I'm in a relationship." He was avoiding Gretchen's attentions since she arrived but apparently she was a woman who didn't put up with taking no for an answer.

"With that imaginary girlfriend everyone talks about but no one has ever seen?" laughed Gretchen.

"She's not imaginary," he sighed. "You'll be able to meet her tomorrow during the mixer."

"You're joking," she chuckled though her smile was artificial. Derek Shepherd looked too serious, too confident to lie.

"Look, Gretchen," he sighed. "I'm enjoying our cooperation, professionally. You're a great surgeon and colleague and that's what I'll ever have to offer back. I'm hoping you'll accept it." He looked at her expectantly.

"Oookay," she prolonged her answer affectedly and smiled. It wasn't wise to push him tonight. She would have to wait and see who was that mysterious lady of his heart and then plan her course of action accordingly. Gretchen Miles always won, sooner or later. She always got what she wanted.

"I'm glad to hear that," he breathed with evident relief. "Shall we get back to work?"

"Of course," she nodded squinting at him as he resumed his activities. She smiled to herself wickedly, it was all in anticipation.

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Meredith opened the closet and carefully inspected its contents. She had nothing new to wear for the mixer, she didn't have time to look for anything but… some of her older creations would do. No one from Seattle Grace saw her in any of them. She slid the hangers with her clothing one by one until she came across the perfect outfit for the evening.

She took it off and held it in front of her looking at her reflection in the tall mirror. Derek would love it. It was a simple party dress, nothing fancy. It was black and strapless, the ruffled bodice dropped enticingly just a smidge in the valley between her breasts. The rest of the silk material would loosely embrace her body from the wide belt to just below the knee.

"I think you might have gotten too fat for that."

Meredith's head whipped towards her friend who was smirking at her leaning on the doorframe to the empty room that they used as a wardrobe.

Meredith narrowed her eyes at her, "Better look at yourself. I'm very physically active, thank you very much."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot," Addison swatted her forehead. "It was whole three days since I was woken up in the middle of the night by you screaming for more."

"I meant jogging, you whore," Meredith stuck her tongue at the red-head.

"Sure, you did," Addison nodded her head and crossed the room to throw herself on the bed. "Someone wants to look good…"

Meredith ignored her best friend and lurked back to the closet going through numerous shoeboxes.

"… for a certain brain surgeon…" went on Addison but Meredith didn't let herself to be provoked.

"I talked to Mark," Addison rolled her eyes and said bluntly, "who talked to Derek…"

"Let me guess… who talked to me…" finished for her Meredith.

"And who seems to be the happiest guy on the planet," smiled Addison.

"That's good," nodded quietly Meredith opening one of the boxes.

"What brought that rapid change of heart?" asked Addison. "You said you had your mind made up during lunch."

"I… just couldn't tell him no," said Meredith pulling a pair of delicate black high heels.

"You've really changed," Addie stated in wonder. "Pre-Derek you…"

"Didn't have much concern for feeling of other people?" offered Meredith stoically. "Don't make a saint out of me, Addie. I agreed to go with Derek for completely selfish reasons… I don't want to lose him."

"You wouldn't lose him," the red-head shook her head.

"That's what Derek said," sighed Meredith. "But you know what it's like… you either adapt to change or you get left behind."

Addison rolled from the bed and rested her chin on Meredith's shoulder.

"This change is for the better."

"I hope so."

She was never afraid of the change but right now, it scared her. She was leaving her life in Derek's hands. They were quite capable hands but even the best made mistakes.

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**A/N Next chapter – the intern mixer**** and some overdue MerDer hotness. Sometime next week.**

**Your comments are highly appreciated.**

**Have a fab weekend,**

**Em**


	23. Chapter 23: The Show

**A/N First of all, I'd like to thank you so much for how much support you'****ve given after the last update, you're wonderful and you're giving me so much motivation! I hope this update meets your expectations; there's practically everything you mentioned in your reviews (well, except saying goodbye to Gretchen, she's got over two months of her trial left at Seattle Grace).**

**Without further ado…**

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Meredith carefully examined her expression in a small mirror she had placed on her desk and put final touches on her hair that was clipped on the side of her head while the wavy locks cascaded on her shoulder. She heard a soft knock and Derek stealthily slipped into her office.

She gaped at him for a moment, taking in his dashing appearance that made her pulse quicken. He was wearing a black suit, underneath which he donned a silk shirt with a tie. He straightened the lapels of his jacket nervously under her scrupulous gaze. "Uhm, something's wrong? I was to wear my good-looking red shirt but with you… chose something more formal…"

"No," she giggled watching him rake his hair that was styled to be messy and windswept.

"I thought maybe I should have shaved," he eyed her rubbing his jaw.

"Nah, the stubble's hot," she said coyly playing with one of her locks absentmindedly. "Makes you look all manly, that crooked nose too."

He rolled his eyes and walked up to her, keeping one hand behind his back. Now she was the one to squirm self-consciously under his scrutiny, feeling more exposed than if she was naked.

"So… we were supposed to meet downstairs…"

"I thought it would be safer if I saw you beforehand…" he breathed out halting inches from her, "to have a few minutes to recover in private after being sent to my knees by your staggering beauty."

She felt her cheeks going warm. She blushed… she actually blushed. She never blushed before… not since she was in college.

"And… I wanted to give you a little something." He produced a flat box and opened it.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed at the sight of a delicate necklace. A thin chain held a small silver globe that gave beginning to several rays that hang down. "It's… beautiful…"

"Then you like it?" he asked with a smile.

"Of course I like it… but… you shouldn't have," she argued just for the sake of the situation tracing the necklace with her fingertips.

"I realized with shame that I have never given you anything," he said taking the chain from the cushion.

"It's expensive," she looked at the piece of jewelry appreciatively.

"I can afford it," he grinned, "as you know well enough since you're footing my bills…"

"Would you…?" She showed him her back lifting her hair.

"My pleasure…" her swanlike neck called his lips.

"That's not what I was asking for…" she whispered looking at him over her shoulder. "At least, not now…"

He chuckled and put the necklace around her neck. She checked her expression while his hands trapped her against his body.

"You're… breathtaking, Meredith. You're perfection," he whispered burying his face into her locks while his eyes closed. They swayed together sensuously. "I can't wait to rip that dress off you… see you clad only in this shiny thing …"

She breathed irregularly. His words were making her warm around her heart and hot in her core.

"I can't wait to rip it off of me too…" she moaned turning to him and taking his hands. With all the work for the trial and their recent arguments, they weren't intimate for the longest period since their passion got the better of them for the first time in her kitchen. "But…"

"But we need to go there first," he sighed with a dreamy smile.

"Yeah, make a shocking appearance…" she cocked her head, "and meet new interns…"

"Everything's going to be okay," he pulled her back into his arms, "I'll be there, all the time, always…"

"I'm glad," she kissed his cheek lightly. "Go now, wait for me downstairs."

"I'll be waiting."

He closed the door behind him throwing her one last look. She was already turned back to him, so he allowed his face to express his true state of mind. He was worried for her. He easily detected her tension, caused partly with them coming out this evening, partly with the unavoidable meeting with her unknown sister. Apart from that, he was haunted by little pangs of guilty conscience. He felt he should confess to Meredith what transpired between him and Gretchen the previous night but there didn't seem to be a convenient moment. They spent the night apart and they saw each other briefly in passing.

Of course, he could have mentioned the unfortunate encounter during their little rendezvous seconds ago but… he couldn't bring himself to trouble her mind with just another problem. Meredith was insanely jealous of that woman. Maybe she would be calmer without the knowledge. He and Gretchen explained everything anyway, there was nothing more to say.

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Meredith strode into the crowded hall, a reserved smile on her lips, her chin raised confidently. She felt a bit like on her first day at Seattle Grace; only a bit, because today, her nerves were in shreds. Her fingers wandered to Derek's necklace on their own, calming her somewhat. It was amazing, there had to be around a hundred people but she could easily feel his regard on her burning her skin, making her feel safer.

She stepped up to the microphone that was set for her and silence fell immediately. Her eyes swept over the gathering. Derek was standing not that far from her, along with Addison and Mark. He smiled up at her. Only minutes prevented them from being officially together. As for Alexandra Grey, Meredith didn't see that dark-haired head anywhere, so much for the better.

"Good evening, ladies and gentleman," she greeted everyone. "I was asked to say a word of greeting tonight. I would like to welcome each and every one of you at Seattle Grace Hospital, our capable staff, doctors and nurses, and foremost, you, interns of all specialties, who are joining us tomorrow. If you do not know me by now, I'm Dr. Meredith Grey, the Chief of Surgery. And keep in mind that, from now on, you will have to know the answer to a question before it is asked."

She stifled a grin as some of the new faces turned to each other exchanging nervous looks.

"You might have heard a lot of stories about us. One of them I can vouch for; you are facing a great challenge and even greater amount of work. But that is for tomorrow when your residents will let you in on every detail of functioning of this hospital. Tonight, meet your new colleagues, new friends, new competitors. Welcome to the game."

She nodded her head and was gratified with thunderous applause. She shook several pairs of hands in passing, smiled at a few familiar faces all the time navigating herself towards her closest friends.

"Nicely done," said Derek with a gentle smile all the time letting her know that their fate was still in her hands and the back door remained open.

"Thank you," she reciprocated the smile standing next to him. "You think I made the desired effect?"

"Yeah," he breathed out snaking a hand on her waist, just above her hip. "I would be dead scared coming here tomorrow."

"Oh, you just dropped a bomb," said slowly Mark watching the crowd behind them. "Are you gonna kiss? That would be the kill."

"They're not gonna kiss," Addison shook her head at him with pity.

"We're not here to put up a show," berated them Meredith impatiently and took a furtive glance over Derek's shoulder. Many heads quickly turned away.

"It will be okay," assured her Derek rubbing her waist through the soft material of her dress.

"Dr. Grey," a jovial voice called for their attention. "As sharp-tongued and beautiful as ever."

"Mr. Patterson," Meredith nodded her head while the portly but expensively clad man brought the back of her hand to his lips. "I'm glad you've found the time to join us today."

"Nonsense," he rolled his eyes. "Thank you for inviting me… and that gentleman is…?" he noticed how close Derek stood to the beautiful woman.

"Dr. Derek Shepherd," she introduced him. "My… head of neurosurgery. Dr. Shepherd, it's Mr. William Patterson, one of our most generous donors."

"It's nice to meet you," Patterson shook his hand without enthusiasm.

"Likewise," replied Derek and put his hand back around Meredith possessively, a little tighter than before.

"Be nice," hissed Meredith when Patterson moved away, a bit disgruntled. "He really gives a lot of cash for Grace."

"Did I do something that would discourage him from continuing his selfless help?" he smirked.

"I think we need to make some rules to this official dating," she looked up at him cocking her head. "Rule number one: not scaring away the hospital's sponsors."

A self-satisfied smile was his only response.

"Rule number two," she went on, giving him a knowing look, "no more secret dates in my office."

"What? Why?" he frowned.

"Because now, you know what everyone will think if they see us entering a room together."

"I have no idea," he shrugged his shoulders innocently. "Illuminate me."

"Meredith, Derek."

They were once again interrupted, this time by Richard.

**********************************************************************************

"God, there are so many things I could be doing right now," groaned Cristina fighting with a strap of her dress with annoyance.

"Like what?" chuckled Owen helping her to straighten out the twisted material.

"You're so cute together, you know?" laughed Izzie, beaming at them and leaning against Alex's shoulder.

"Shut up, Barbie," snapped Cristina. "I could be… updating charts."

Her friends laughed at her lame excuse.

"This is a part of our job too," said gently Owen. "It's… not so bad. You thought everyone would be pointing us with their fingers and no one's even looking."

Cristina frowned, it was not in Seattle Grace style to abstain from a juicy piece of gossip. Her newfound relationship with Owen certainly belonged to that category.

"I think…" Izzie squinted and eyes and craned her neck just a little, "that's because everyone's looking at them."

They followed the regards of many of their colleagues around.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Cristina with a smirk watching Derek snake his arm around Meredith while she relaxed into his touch. "I knew I didn't come here for nothing."

"I thought… that they hated each other," said Owen.

"Seems that now they love each other," beamed Izzie.

"More like screw each other," snickered Cristina. "But who am I to blame anyone for enjoying an occasional screaming orgasm? Just when I think they're boring, they rise. You can say they are the cute ones, Iz."

"They are," beamed Izzie studying Meredith's face as she turned her head to glance around the room. "They're a match. I knew she had someone important," she said pensively remembering her conversation with her chief. "But I would have never guessed it was Derek… Wait!" she searched the crowd with alarm. "Where's George?"

"Probably crying somewhere in the corner," drawled Alex earning a kick in the ribs.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith weighed in her mind for a long time if she should invite Richard to the mixer or not. She still wasn't sure how she should behave towards him with the knowledge she recently gained. But Richard had a right to be there, regardless of their personal affairs. Damn, when did she go so soft? Probably sometime between Derek's kisses.

"Richard," Derek took his hand with a nod.

Meredith didn't say anything but decided it wouldn't be appropriate not to greet the former chief of her hospital, the man that was so respected by her subordinates and to whom she owned her current position and well… meeting the love of her life.

"You're… together…" the older man remarked with apparent surprise.

"I told you she's my priority," said firmly Derek.

"You did… just words aren't always enough," he sighed and looked at Meredith. "When I saw you all grown up all these years later, I thought you were a spitting image of your mother but…" he trailed off.

"I'm what?" she took up sharply. "Less focused? Please, go on. Everything you say will sound as a compliment to me."

"I was going to say wiser," he chuckled. "I know it's… awkward… I'll be grateful for an opportunity… to talk…"

"Not now and not here," she said categorically turning to Derek. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Yeah, please," he sighed at her. "Double-"

"Scotch single malt," she smiled. "I got it."

"She doesn't like to be pushed," remarked Derek noncommittally after a minute of pregnant silence that fell with Meredith's excuse.

Richard chuckled, "She doesn't like to be pushed or cornered. She likes to be always in control. She's hot and cold but the truth is she would never want to let you go."

Derek's head whipped to Richard quizzically.

"I went through the same with Ellis," sighed Richard with a smile at the reminiscence. "That was… the happiest time in my life…"

"It was… something serious," remarked Derek with surprise. "Why did you stay with Adele?"

"Because I made mistakes, luckily for you, you don't seem to be repeating."

"Me and Meredith is nothing like you and her mother; Meredith's different," denied decidedly Derek.

"I know she is," agreed Richard. "But you don't realize how similar they are."

"It is not my intention to search for similarities between them," answered curtly Derek. "If there are any, they're superficial."

"Have you met Ellis?" asked Richard curiously.

"I had that doubtful pleasure when she came for a consult, yes," he said dryly.

"Ellis is a wonderful woman-"

"I'm sure she is," snorted Derek. "A coldhearted woman that couldn't find enough love to raise her own daughter."

"Derek…" Richard started to argue but seeing the stubbornness on younger man's face relented. One thing was clear, at least, Derek would never leave Meredith like he had disappointed Ellis.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith took two glasses, one for herself, the other one for Derek, and was about to made her way back to him hoping that Richard disappeared in the meantime, when a young woman blocked her way. A woman that she never talked to in person but whose features she memorized of a photograph so as to be able to recognize her without being surprised by her.

"Dr. Grey," the girl smiled at her radiantly but not without a trace of shyness.

"Yes," said indifferently Meredith.

"I… you don't know who I am," her half-sister breathed out.

"I do," nodded Meredith and the brunette's smile widened. "It is my job to know who is who at my hospital, you're one of the interns."

The woman's face fell, "I… I am but I'm also your… I'm Lexie… Lexie Grey…"

"And?" Meredith raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows expectantly while Lexie frowned them.

"And…" she swallowed audibly. "I'm aware your relations with Dad aren't the best but… I think it's not an obstacle for us getting to know each other… I… it was one of the reasons I chose Seattle Grace to do my internship."

"One of your reasons," repeated Meredith coldly. "I hope hard work was another of your reasons. I don't know what you're expecting. We don't practice favoritism in this institution."

"No!" Lexie shook her head frantically. "I didn't mean that! I wouldn't…"

"We'll see what you meant when I see you in action," she bit back and walked past her. She knew Lexie didn't imply she counted on special treatment but it felt good to be harsh to her anyway. She could ignore that stupid little voice in her head telling her that it was unfair. She could… because Gretchen Miles was approaching Derek like a fat ugly lizard ready to stick out its tongue and swallow an unsuspecting fly.

**********************************************************************************

"Derek!"

He turned to come face to face with his problematic coworker, letting out a troubled sigh.

"You're alone?" she asked suggestively battling her eyelashes.

"No, he's not," Meredith appeared out of nowhere rubbing gently against his side. She was prepared to face more aggressive gossip, everything to make Gretchen back off. "I brought you the drink you asked for, honey."

"Uhm, thanks." He took the offered glass and bit his tongue not to burst out laughing at the sight of Meredith acting like an obedient wife. Meredith and wife… those two words sounded good together…

Gretchen cast her eyes down, nonplussed at the cloudy look Derek Shepherd was worshipping Meredith Grey with.

This time it was Meredith who encircled his trim waist, leaning slightly into his chest as much as the formal context allowed.

"I hope you're enjoying the party, Gretchen," said sweetly Meredith looking down at the woman in front of her staking her claim.

"It's… great," nodded Dr. Miles. "So, you're…?"

"We're together, yes," answered eagerly Meredith, scrunching her nose sweetly. "Sorry for not telling you earlier, but we were… basking in our private heaven." She pinched Derek's side warningly, feeling laughter bubbling up inside him.

"Oh, that's alright," Gretchen waved her hand dismissively, trying to act cool. "I'm sorry too."

"For what?" asked Meredith quickly while Derek cringed inside praying Gretchen wouldn't say a word about their previous encounter.

"Some of the comments I made… might have sounded inappropriate…" Gretchen said cautiously. The fact that Meredith Grey was Derek's secret girlfriend seriously blew. They were professionally interdependent. True, her trial could bring Seattle Grace more publicity and renown but if Meredith Grey wanted so, she could destroy her reputation.

"Oh, it's nothing really," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We trust each other completely. We're so in love… right, sweetie?" She looked up at him dreamily.

"Right," uttered Derek uncomfortably.

Gretchen excused herself quickly form their company with a wry smile. She wasn't giving up, oh, no. She wanted Derek Shepherd, even more so as he was so hard to get. It wouldn't matter in the long run; she just had to work harder and think cleverer to reach her aim, and be more cautious around Meredith Grey. For now, she'd crouch and wait, ready to strike when the time was right.

"Thank God," sighed Meredith relaxing her face and pulling away from Derek. "I thought I'd die from sugar shock."

"So now your with me just for the show?" quipped Derek.

"I must have made sure that the message gets through her thick skull," she shrugged. "She must have been shocked."

"I don't think so, she knew I was going to bring someone."

"How so?" she asked suspiciously.

"Yesterday, she asked me to go with her," said weakly Derek.

"She's got nerve," hissed Meredith and rounded on him. "What did you do?"

"What do you think," he sighed. He felt slightly better at revealing to Meredith a part of yesterday's events. A part, since he omitted how forward Gretchen really was. "I told her I was seriously deeply in love with the woman of my life."

She cocked her head and looked at him. "I wished you could show me how much in love you are right now..."

"Dr. Grey, wonderful to see you again!" They were interrupted once more.

"Later," mouthed to her Derek.

"I'm taking your word for it…"

**********************************************************************************

It was well over midnight when they stumbled into Meredith's bedroom and she dropped tiredly on the soft covers.

"Aren't your feet killing you?" asked Derek hanging his jacket onto the chair and sitting at the edge of the bed.

"I'm used to wearing high heels," she sighed relaxed as he slowly took off her shoes and massaged her small feet.

"Then you have my respect," he chuckled gently. "Walking on five-inch nails…"

She burst out giggling madly bringing a hand over her face.

"What?" he asked feeling that she was laughing right at him for some reason.

"When you said that…" she panted. "I've just imagined… you… trying to walk in high heels…"

He joined her in laughter, "You have some kinky fantasies? You better not have."

"God, no!" she giggled rubbing circles on his back with her toes. "You're all man, my manly man…"

He loosened his tie, kicked off his shoes and relaxed on the bed bringing her legs on his lap. His fingers strolled over her calves this and that way and he couldn't shake off this odd domestic feeling... undisturbed simplicity… Maybe it was because they were finally in the open after months filled with furtive looks, stolen kisses and masked outbursts of passion.

"It wasn't that bad…" she whispered from her pillow enchanting Derek all over. She looked so peaceful, childlike even in the soft diffused light of the night lamp. Her hair spilled from her clip framing her face freely, like she was some sleeping beauty reaching out for her prince. "They didn't dare gossip straight into our faces and… I'm not even that concerned with the fact that Alexandra Grey, or Lexie as she introduced herself, is a decent emotionally mature woman from a healthy background free from psychotic tendencies…"

"You're not?" his fingers tickled the soles of her feet leisurely.

She squirmed slightly under his ministrations and said quietly but decidedly, "Nope, I have something that she can't ever have."

"What's that?" he sat up slowly trailing his fingertips up her calves and grazing the undersides of her knees sensuously. "The position of the Chief?"

She shook her head with a lenient smile on her lips, "No, silly! My own McDreamy, you're one in a kind."

He looked at her in wonder, "You're really at peace…"

"Thanks to you," she replied with a lazy grin and traced a circle on the covers beside her. "Make love to me, Derek."

He released her legs for now and crouched to her, never breaking their gaze. Propping himself with one arm and cupping her cheek with the other palm, his lips slowly inched towards hers. Their eyes closed when their lips met, at first gliding chastely against each other but soon it was not enough. They needed more pressure, more of each other. She opened her lips invitingly, surrendering entirely to his penetration. She let herself be trapped between the plush covers of her bed and contrastingly hard body that pressed against her with gentle insistence.

He took his time teasing her moist cavern with his tongue though his methodical slow pace was on the brink of flying through the window when her slim leg insinuated itself between his, and her knee grazed his groin accidentally. Or maybe deliberately. What was more important was that he strained achingly with desire building inside him.

He couldn't shake off the feeling that today Meredith allowed him to be an equal partner in their relationship. It wasn't as though he had ever been underestimated by her, overwhelmed or that she was always more important. It felt more like today they reached a new level of intimacy, natural, slow…

Their tongues danced languidly while her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. She pushed the material off his shoulders, her outstretched palms caressing the skin on his biceps. He threw the shirt carelessly behind him while his hands meticulously searched her dress for the zipper.

Tightly enveloped by the feeling of his body on her, she moaned into his mouth. Unfulfilled warmth was spreading through her body, cell after cell. Her over-responsive skin was tingling pleasantly, her yearning core burning alive and flooding her folds.

Derek's fingers finally localized the zipper and soon he broke the kiss to drag her black dress down her curves, painstakingly slow, uncovering her full heaving breasts, puckered nipples, narrowing planes of her stomach, the widening of her hips covered in black lace and her long legs. The dress landed on Derek's forgotten shirt while he returned up to her, centering over her almost naked body that called him desperately.

Their mouth resumed their kiss, her hands wandered blindly from his hair that was now in the state of complete and utter mess to his neck and his broad shoulders, scraping his skin.

His hands weren't idle either. He massaged her right breast meticulously flicking his thumb over the hardened rosy peak making her whimper.

"Derek…" his name came out of her lips in pants.

"Say it again," he growled.

His mouth descended on her other breast and he was stimulating both of her aching mounds with his fingers and his tongue.

"Oh, Derek, oh…"

She writhed underneath him uncontrollably as much as the weight of his masculine frame allowed her to. Her hips rose, rubbing her middle against his hardness swollen to the limits.

"Make love to me, Derek," she breathlessly repeated her plea, adding another one, "Love me…"

"I am," his eyes rested on hers, "and I do."

He once again pulled away from her to shed their remaining clothing. Cool air hit her core standing in flames of desire and she instinctively spread her legs for him. He crouched up on all fours but far from predatory needs. It was a night of generous giving and taking, gentle and loving, where every gesture and caress had its meaning. The air was thick with their pent-up desire, cut through with their erotic moans and labored breathing, heavy with the heady scent of their arousal.

He filled her in a slow smooth motion while she arched her back in order to meet him. They sighed at the contact. He slipped almost all the way out of her and reentered her leisurely. He continued his slow pace, pushing into her in thorough strokes hitting all the right places that were bringing her closer to the edge.

Meredith was overcome with a unique feeling that at long last she belonged to somebody, and not just anybody; she belonged to Derek. She hoped he could read all the love she held for him in her regard as he hovered above, his length sliding in and out of her tight slippery channel. She managed to scoop her legs wider and higher, placing her feet on his butt to enable him take all of her, to imprint himself deep inside of her. She screamed from the bottom of her soul as he penetrated her deeper hitting her cervix.

Involuntarily their pace quickened and gathered on force. Her vaginal muscles started to strangle his cock like a vice. He dived into her warmth a few more times and they collapsed all around him triggering his own hot release. Breathing hard, he tried to lie down on her side so as not to crush her but she held him in place, his head nuzzled into the crook of her neck and his now flaccid penis nestled inside her.

"I'd like to stay like this forever…" she sighed.

"Might be a bit difficult to do our job…" he muttered into her shoulder.

"Only a bit?" she chuckled pushing an unruly lock from his sweaty brow. Her laughter reverberated inside him due to their connection. "Oooh, that feels nice…" she breathed feeling him grow inside her. "I want a faster ride this time."

"A faster ride?" he laughed and reversed their positions without a warning. "You've been quite lazy tonight…"

"Like you didn't enjoy it!" she squealed pushing his breasts into his face before kissing him soundly.

"I enjoy ever second with you," he answered, his cock twitching impatiently in her warmth. "Take me for a ride, Meredith."

**********************************************************************************

**A/N You know what I'm going to ask for now, don't you? Was it good, dreadful? You're the one who let me see the fic in an unbiased way.**

**Next update follows with Meredith and Derek coming to work after the mixer and it might be posted as early as Saturday. As I said, Gretchen isn't going anywhere but we won't see much of her for a few updates.**

**Cheers,**

**Em :)**


	24. Chapter 24: I'm No Angel

**Chapter 24: I'm No Angel**

**A/N Once again I'm starting with a great thank you for all your comments!**

**This chapter follows the day right after the mixer and features Meredith fighting her old insecurities that resurfaced due to the new situation she and Derek found themselves in.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**********************************************************************************

Meredith and Derek exchanged quick smiles as he drove his car into the parking lot. For the first time, one of them didn't have to get off before reaching their destination when they commuted together. Derek parked his jeep in Meredith's spot, close to the entrance and they ran up together under the pouring rain. Once inside, their hands quickly found each other.

"Are you nervous?" he asked detecting a slight tension in her moves.

"I'm… good," she smiled at him as they reached the elevators.

"I'm right beside you," he assured her, letting her in before him.

"_I'm right inside you _would feel even better but that will do too, I guess," she quipped as they huddled close in the corner even though they were the only occupants of the elevator.

"So I thought…" he began but trailed off as her neck she just uncovered sliding off her scarf called for his attention.

"Yeah?" she breathed, giving more access to his lips.

"I thought that since we're starting to do normal things couples do we could… go on a date," he said.

"A date?" she raised her eyebrows realizing that in fact, they had never been on an actual date. "What exactly do you have in mind?"

She didn't learn the answer as the door opened on the next floor. They stopped talking as Cristina Yang, dressed in her scrubs, strode inside.

Meredith's fingers tried to escape from Derek's palm but he tightened his grip on them insistently.

"Oh, hey," Cristina threw casually and turned her back towards them. "Don't stop on my account."

"So ,uhm," sighed Derek uncomfortably after a few seconds. "I thought… a dinner?"

"Yeah," agreed Meredith quickly. She realized she'd have to learn to act normally around Derek in front of other people.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Wait, what was she agreeing to do?

The three of them stood in ensuing silence waiting for the end of the ride when Cristina asked with amusement in her voice, "Just out of professional curiosity, did you really break his man tool?"

"How's Dr. Hunt, Cristina?" asked dryly Derek.

"Point taken," she chuckled. "Thanks for stealing the vultures' attention, by the way. Oh and, congratulations or whatever." She shrugged her shoulders and left quickly when they reached their level.

"Great," Meredith pushed herself off the elevator wall. "Now I'm not Dr. Model anymore, now I'm the Penisbreaker."

He led her out to the corridor with a smile, "You didn't break anything."

Her eyes swept over the crowded lobby and her features hardened at the sight of the surreptitious glances thrown in their direction.

"Good morning, Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," a nurse whizzed past them with a toothy smile.

Meredith made to stalk to her office but Derek stopped her back, firmly holding her hand. She turned back to him clenching her lips, aware of the curious looks they were getting.

"What?" she asked quietly with a wry smile. "You're making a scene."

"Meredith," he cocked his head putting a little pressure to pull her closer. "We talked about this."

"Don't McDreamy me in here," she hissed keeping straight face. "Everyone's looking! Can you… let go of my hand?"

"No," he grinned at her. "Not until I see you're okay."

She felt disarmed by him and sighed, "Nothing has changed since yesterday, Derek. I'm good, we're good."

"Good," he nodded his head. "No goodbye kiss?"

Her eyes went wide and she pinched his palm to make him release her, slightly afraid he might sweep her into his arms. "No PDA in the hospital, remember?"

"Sadly," he sighed.

She turned on her heel with a roll of her eyes, intent to go to her office. Furtive looks, smirks or open staring, yesterday she had to deal only with a portion of that. She halted abruptly behind two whispering nurses standing near the vending machine as she caught the sound of her name.

"Don't you have a job to do?" growled Meredith out of a sudden.

The nurses didn't look scared as they always did when she threw a fit of rage, they… giggled.

"Yes, Dr. Grey," they nodded and walked off but not fast enough.

"Someone didn't do the job right last night," laughed one of them.

"Yeah, well, everyone knows he can't, can he?" whispered excitedly another.

"Yeah, poor Dr. Shepherd…" pondered the nurse sympathetically.

"Poor Dr. Grey!"

"That's kind of her doing!"

Meredith let out a defeated sigh. The one thing that spread faster than disease in this place was gossip; gossip that was quite… inaccurate. Dr. Shepherd always did his job right, not that she was to share that remark with the nurses.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith stood at the head of the table, her hands and her mind working swiftly and effortlessly leading a ruthless fight against time and gravity of injuries. The surgery was different than any other she remembered and she had a lot of them in her career. This one… this one would certainly stand out in her memory.

The surgical tools in her fingers worked the usual magic but she was not driven with the excitement and the rush of adrenaline triggered by cutting into human's brain. Right now she tried so hard pushed by a kind of quirky sorrowful desperation.

She never got emotionally invested in her patients. Never. That was a golden rule, one of the very few things in life over which she was in complete agreement with her mother. Sympathizing with patients was emotionally draining, Ellis taught her that. When she was a kid, her mother pointed at a doctor, a middle-aged man, who had tears in his eyes while talking with his patient's family. Ellis told her daughter with scorn that he would never be a good surgeon; he was too weak to be a rescuer for others. And Meredith believed, you surely had to be tough to fight against death.

Since that moment she followed the belief wholeheartedly. Until today, until this procedure when she couldn't bar so many unwanted thoughts from entering her mind. She was operating along Bailey and Hunt on a young woman, Allison, who had been badly beaten and raped. It was a miracle she was still breathing when she was transported to the hospital with multiple skull fractures, internal injuries and a compound leg fracture.

Meredith was pretty sure she could blame her current state of mind on Derek. He made her feel. He woke up her heart from serene lethargy to life, more exciting yet more painful. And now she couldn't dispose the vision of herself lying on that cold table instead of Allison. If the world functioned according to the laws of logic, she would be lying here. But the world was one fucked up place… or maybe people made it that way.

"Excellent work, Chief," Bailey praised her as they proceeded to scrub out.

"Thank you," she answered indifferently. Her work today was mastery from the beginning to the end but she wished she had never had to do it in the first place.

"You know I figured you'd be in seventh heaven today," went on Bailey. "Nothing stopping you and Shepherd from smelling each other in elevators anymore."

Meredith scowled at her washing her hands without her usual energy, "Technically, I'm your boss, you know?"

Miranda raised her eyebrows amusedly like she wanted to say "No shit." "You need to suck it up or we'll all have to face a moping Shepherd," she snorted snatching paper towel to dry herself and skipped away.

"She's… something," chuckled Owen shaking off the droplets of water.

"She is," sighed Meredith heavily. "But… a lot of people around here are. You, for example," she added quietly. She felt some kind of connection to him. Half a year ago they were both shells of normal people. For both of them everything changed drastically.

"Me?" he said modestly.

"So, how it's been going?" she asked. "I saw you with Dr. Yang yesterday."

"It's… been better," he nodded. "Actually, I've been meaning to thank you."

Meredith looked up at him questioningly.

"Yeah," confirmed Owen. "You gave me a chance. I was really messed up… I'm not saying that now I'm not, but we're out of the woods finally. The place has been good for me, people have been good for me."

Meredith's lips curled in a little melancholic smile. "You've got nothing to thank me for. Everybody deserves a second chance. I've been given one too." She paused for a moment and took up, "Do you get that feeling sometimes… you go on and work and suddenly something makes you realize how different of a person you've become."

"Frankly?" asked Owen looking at her with mild humor. "All the time."

Meredith nodded and stared at her hands intently while she was wiping them with paper.

"I guess we need to… suck it up," quipped Owen before joining Meredith and leaning back against the sinks.

**********************************************************************************

"What got your panties in a bunch?" asked Addie eyeing her friend with a slight frown as they walked towards the cafeteria during lunchtime. "The gossiping? The stares?"

"Nothing," shrugged Meredith. "For once, my panties are fine and unaffected, thank you very much."

"So why's that face?" insisted Addie.

"What face?" snapped Meredith. "What? Is the mascara all over me?"

"No," chuckled Addison. "Your make-up is perfect, as always. But you're all moody and broody…"

"I'm fine," sighed Meredith. "And please don't make me elaborate what I mean by fine. Other subject, what's up with that murder everyone's talking about? Someone from the hospital?"

The red-head bit her lip and shook her head pityingly. "Actually, it's the same subject, Mer."

"What do you mean?" Meredith looked at her sharply.

"Everyone's not talking about a murder," explained Addison with a hint of amusement in her voice thinking how to break the news in the most gentle of ways. "Ever heard of Brangelina? Or Bennifer?"

"Yeah, and?" Meredith made a skeptical face, trusting that her best friend's randomness did have a point.

"Mer-Der, got it?" snickered Addison.

Meredith started to think… Murder, no… Mer… Der…

"You've got to be kidding me!" she groaned.

"But am not," she chuckled and pushed her friend between the tables. "This way."

Meredith frowned seeing where she was leading her. "Oh, come on, you want me to sit with them? With _him_? In front of everyone? I don't need more talking about MerDer or there _will be_ a murder!"

"Sorry, Mer," Addison was relentless. "Have you thought how your avoidance might make Derek feel? Like you're ashamed of him."

"I am not!" huffed Meredith indignantly.

"Then grin and bear it," Addison shoved her forward. "And sit down!"

Meredith dropped to a seat beside Derek while Addison took the place in front of her close to Mark.

"Hey," grumbled Meredith greeting more the table than the two men.

"Hi," said quietly Derek feeling his girlfriend's mood decidedly worsened since the morning.

"Finally the other half of MerDer graced us with her presence," chuckled Mark ignoring the glares of the rest of the table. "I wouldn't have believed if I had been told I'd be eating lunch with such celebrities."

"If you'd like to continue working in this hospital, I think it's a good moment to shut up," smiled sweetly Meredith and added venomously, "Maddison."

"Oh, thanks," quipped Mark. "We can continue being cool friends."

"Mer?" Derek reached to rub Meredith's forearm but she wrenched it away quickly.

"I'm… sorry," she muttered. "I… I've got a tough case."

"Tough case?" repeated Addison with surprise. "Since when do you get overly worried about your patients?"

"I don't have a heart carved out of stone, Addie," she bit back, a genuine twinge of hurt going through her heart.

"I'm sorry, I didn't say you did," Addison said apologetically. "It's just… not like you to worry that much."

"Like I said, it's a tough case, which I don't want to talk about," said Meredith with a final note in her voice.

An awkward silence fell upon the table and everyone got busied with their lunch. Meredith swallowed her fries with an overwhelming feeling of guilt. But she was just that, a spoilsport, wasn't she? She glanced at another table where Gretchen Miles was entertaining one of the male doctors and emitting loud high-pitched laugh. Meredith could bet_ she _wouldn't be gloomy if she had Derek at her disposal.

"So, uhm," Derek cleared his throat surreptitiously. "About our date, when do you think you'll have a free evening?"

"Derek, we can discuss it some other time, can't we?" she said tiredly, hating herself how completely devoid of emotion her voice sounded.

"Of course," he sighed. She was avoiding, again. It was like yo-yo effect, one step forward, two steps backward.

"Trouble in paradise?" singsang Mark. He did not continue, however, as Addison kicked him in the shin. He didn't really know when to shut the hell up.

Meredith's pager beeped insistently drowning his grunts of pain.

"Oh, shit!" hissed Meredith checking the page. The news was obviously bad as she shot from the chair and ran out of the cafeteria at the top speed without another word.

"You know what's your problem, Shep?" asked Mark frowning at Derek's agonizing expression.

"Enlighten me," he answered sarcastically. "Love is pain, isn't it?"

"Nah," Mark leaned back comfortably in his chair sneaking his hand to Addison's thigh. "Love is pleasure. If you act strategically, that is."

"Mhm, you and your bright ideas," muttered Derek ironically.

"Like hell they are, I don't have problems with my woman," boasted the plastic surgeon.

"I have no idea how that happened," commented Derek and turned to Addison. "How do you stand five minutes with him?"

"Hey, that's not your problem," warned Mark. "Your problem is why your girlfriend can't stand five minutes with _you_."

"Meredith is… She experiences everything ten times more intense, and it's difficult for her," explained quietly Derek.

"While that may be the case," agreed Mark. "It's not all about her, you're a wimp."

"Thanks, I'm so glad you're my shrink," nodded Derek with sarcasm.

"Nothing stings like the truth. Just look at your nickname MerDer, she's first, she's the one wearing trousers in the relationship. She's your boss, she decides. You need to show more initiative."

"It's not how Meredith works," Addison cut in. "The harder you push, the faster she seeks the exit."

"She needs to come forward on her own, that's the only way," Derek nodded his head consentingly.

"That doesn't mean you've got nothing else to do than sit idly waiting for your life to be decided by someone else," argued Mark. "You need to act, man. And that doesn't clash with being patient and supportive and all that shit."

**********************************************************************************

Meredith closed the chart silently, though there was little chance the noise could wake Allison up. She shifted in her seat, she just finished filling her patient's medical files. She didn't have to do that, she could easily delegate the task to her resident.

"Dr. Grey," the said resident stood in the doorway to Allison's room where Meredith remained since she was rushed to surgery for the second time. She managed to stabilize the pressure in her brain by leaving her skull flap off. Allison still had time to wake up. If she woke up, she could pull through this.

"Dr, Grey, I have the latest test results," the resident's frown indicated the news wasn't good. "Uhm, see for yourself."

Meredith scanned the paper and let out a deep troubled sigh. "Thank you, you can go."

"Do you… need anything, Dr. Grey?" Dr. Meyer's voice was genuinely concerned.

"No, thank you," sighed Meredith. "We'll need to call an immunologist but that's for later. You can go now, Dr. Meyer."

Meredith's face sank into her open palm. Even if Allison did open her eyes on her own, and that was touch and go, she was for a long and gruesome rehab and… Meredith didn't see a chance she'd be willing to undertake it given her condition.

She heard muffled footsteps halting near her.

"I told you I don't need anything, Dr. Meyer, go and get some rest."

"When did _you_ have rest last time?" instead of her resident's feminine tones, she heard Derek's, gentle and concerned.

She looked up at him quickly, blinking her eyelids. He was crouching near her, already in his street clothes. "Have you been here all day?"

"With pauses for my chief duties…" she rubbed her temples only to still, staring at Allison as though willing to bring her to consciousness.

"You've really got attached to her, haven't you?" asked Derek.

"She's all alone, you know, no family, no siblings, no boyfriend," whispered Meredith staring into space. "She's just come to Seattle for a new job and… what a warm welcome… " she laughed grimly.

"She's not gonna make it?" he inquired quietly, studying the battered woman on the hospital bed, bruised, stitched and bandaged.

Meredith didn't answer, only went on with the flow of her thoughts. "I'm sure she's a nice girl, decent, who wouldn't hurt a fly… and she's got all beaten up… raped… And I've just learnt," she waved the paper with test results glumly, "that the bastard who did that… infected her with HIV…"

Derek caressed her palm in a way he hoped was soothing. He knew that words could hardly bring any solace. Provided that the girl managed to recover from that hell, she faced lifelong treatment.

"That's so grossly unfair, you know?" she said making a little sniff.

"Yeah, I know," he nodded heavily. "No one deserves something like that, and she certainly didn't… but that's… that's how it is, unfortunately…"

"It's so unfair because she's lying here fighting with death, and if she makes it through, her whole life it will be one long fight with death while I'm… sitting here, safe and sound…"

"Meredith?" Air seemed to be sucked out of his lungs and he felt cold sweat on his skin. He understood why Meredith felt for that girl so much; obviously she identified herself with her. "What are you saying?"

"I practically asked for it," Meredith shrugged indifferently. "I was drunk for days on end and I didn't get raped, or at least I don't remember because I was screwing right and left anyway. And I didn't catch as much as STD."

"Thank God, I say," he breathed out, his fingers intertwining with hers as though trying to make sure she wouldn't disappear.

"You think God would allow this?" she snorted. "I have a nice job, a nice life; I'm with the world's most perfect man and… I can't appreciate it, I can't be this… this happy girl… I'm sure she would appreciate it, she would be able to live her life to the full."

"Meredith, Meredith," he repeated fervently attempting to catch her attention, even though the lump in his throat made it hard to speak.

Her head whipped in his direction and her eyes went wide as though she just registered his presence. "I'm sorry," she shook her head, rubbing her eyelids. "You're going home?"

"I was to, yes," confirmed Derek, still shaken up with what he just heard. "I came to check up on you and ask if you're ready to go."

"I think I'll stay here tonight," she avoided his eyes. "She has no one… I want to be here whatever happens."

"You know, if I were the chief, I would take you off this case," Derek managed to offer her a small smile despite the deathly fear that still held his heart in it clutches.

"Good that you're not," she threw back and got to her feet. "I'll get myself a cup of coffee."

He pulled at her hand before she had a chance to walk past him and pressed her back tightly to him, holding her for dear life.

"I know it's because of us, it's how the change is affecting you," he whispered into her hair. "It was safer before, without anyone knowing, without everyone interfering, just the two of us in the whole world. It's always safer when we're alone. Every time we're at the trailer. Today in the car. Yesterday when we got back home."

She stood in his arms stiffly, listening avidly to every word that dropped from his lips. He was right, he read her well.

"It can be safe now two, we can make everything and everyone else disappear," went on Derek. "But I think it's just not the point."

"What is the point then?" she asked weakly.

"The point is that what we feel for each other, our love, is beyond anyone," he answered peacefully. "No one can influence it, no one can change it because it's… I'm aware that what I'm going to say right know might some cheesy to you, or scary… but our love is everlasting."

He expected an amused giggle, a joke, a witty comment… but it never came. On the contrary, he felt her relax a little in his embrace. However, it only made him strengthen his hold of her.

"And please, never ever say that you deserve something like this," he pleaded, his voice cracking. "No one deserves this. You got lost at some point in your life, that doesn't make you deserve it. please, just don't ever say that because I can't stand imagining you like this."

"Okay," she said with a small voice.

"And in connection to what you said earlier," Derek tried to make the mood lighter, "I never looked for a perky wife. I would have gone for Izzie Stevens if I had."

She let out a tiniest of chuckles and he let her out of his arms.

"I'm going to be around for an hour or so," said Derek. "I have some paperwork I don't want to put off for later. I'm in my office if you need me."

"Thanks," she nodded, smiled at him shyly from under her eyelashes. "Goodnight, Derek."

"Night, Mer."

He watched her go, the signs of exhaustion clearly edged on her face, her arms around herself, completely different from what everyone was used to see in Meredith Grey. He felt suddenly guilty, like it was him who made her vulnerable, like it was him who brought up the pain and self-doubt. And it was his doing, in a way. He only hoped the need to cope with everything she was feeling would make her heal, that she would come forward.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith stretched out her legs and curled up onto herself, her chin falling in her chest, in an unsuccessful attempt to doze off. The sleep wasn't coming and it wasn't even because of the discomfort brought by continuous sitting in the plastic chair. It was the thoughts swirling in her mind. She wished she could switch her brain off for a minute which… touched upon black humor given the fact that her patient was in the risk of becoming a vegetable.

She twisted her wrist to check the time in the light that was spilling from the corridor. Derek might still be in hospital… She could stretch her stiff limbs taking a walk to tell him.... She just realized she didn't tell him she loved him all day. It was enough that one of them had an overactive mind. Derek didn't need to spend a restless night worrying about her and about them. Maybe she'd be able to fall asleep knowing that Derek would.

She got to her feet and silently slipped to the corridor where…

"Ouch! Oh, I'm… I'm sorry!"

Meredith rubbed her elbow and frowned at George O'Malley who just crashed into her.

"George," she studied his face curiously. "I haven't seen you around lately."

"Is… is there a problem?" he asked quickly, shifting from foot to foot. "I left all the files at your desk-"

To tell the truth, he _surreptitiously_ left the files at her desk. He avoided her at all costs, which wasn't easy since he was her deputy. Seeing her with Derek Shepherd the previous evening, the way his arm claimed her as his, knocked the wind out of him. He knew it was not just sex as some of the gossipers claimed. It was obvious once one looked into her eyes. Really looked, and saw that light in her eyes every time they rested on the black-haired neurosurgeon.

With resignation mixed with embarrassment, George realized that Derek Shepherd was everything he wasn't. A successful, confident, good-looking guy, worshipped by women. Who else would have attracted Dr. Grey's attention if not him?

"Everything's fine, as always," Meredith assured him. "You're just less visible than usually."

"You're sitting with beside a patient's bed longer than usually," he shrugged and threw a nervous glance over her shoulder.

Meredith followed his gaze to notice Callie Torres standing at the end of the corridor, observing them inconspicuously.

"Ahhh," smiled Meredith knowingly. What it was, some mating period at Seattle Grace that everyone was coming up with their relationship? "You've been busy with Dr. Torres?"

"Well, I'm… taking another chance," he muttered casting his eyes down. He came alone to yesterday's mixer but he didn't leave it so. Was he ashamed to replace the feeling for one woman with relationship with another? He was. Did it stop him from wading further in this murky territory? No, it didn't.

"Another?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Have you already spoiled one?"

"I don't know," he said sincerely. "I like to think so."

"You… like… to think you spoiled a chance?" she repeated clearly, feeling as though something as though some element of this conversation slipped her attention.

"Yes… maybe… I don't know. It might be better than knowing that the chance wasn't even there…" he cleared his throat. "I… I've got to go. Goodnight, Dr. Grey."

Meredith watched him join Callie and walk away with her, hand in hand. So simple yet something was missing there… She felt her head going full with taking chances, carpe diem, catch the day and other philosophical crap. She smiled wryly wondering if that very old guy from ancient Greece dressed in white sheets who cooked up that theory had to struggle with severe abandonment and commitment issues. She shrugged and took off.

**********************************************************************************

Derek slowly made his way towards elevators joining a little group of waiting people. He carried only his briefcase and a coat under his arm but somehow his hands and legs felt leaden. He rubbed his neck with a sigh, he was all tense. Apparently, he could add another thing he owed to Meredith's appearance in his life, entering the group of high cardiac risk before even reaching forty. The constant sex and stress connected with their relationship would surely do him in one of these days.

"Bad hair day?" Miranda's snarky voice sounded somewhere on his side.

"Sorry, I didn't see you," he muttered apologetically.

"I figured as much," she rolled her eyes. "You know, that face of yours only confirms the latest rumor."

"What rumor?" he sighed tiredly.

"That your temperamental girlfriend threw a cup of coffee over your overly moussed hair during lunch," explained Bailey stoically.

"What?" his head whirled in her direction. "Where do people get that crap?" No wonder Meredith was all stressed out.

"Why do you get so bothered by what they say?" she answered back.

"I… I have a headache, sorry," he mumbled.

"Right," she acknowledged smugly smirking as she noticed something behind him. "I think your painkiller's coming."

"Hi."

His head whipped in the opposite direction to see Meredith standing close to him with a small smile. In the corner of his eye, he could see everyone glancing at them but Meredith didn't seem to care for once, so why should he?

"Thanks for… earlier," she said quietly. "I guess I needed that."

"You're welcome," he breathed out with relief, tension slowly leaving his muscles. "Should I wait for you or…?"

"I'm staying, Allison needs me, but you go home," she lowered her voice to whisper, "I love you."

"Love you too," he smiled.

She climbed on her tiptoes as she was wearing her trainers and planted a sweet little kiss on his stubbly cheek. "G'night, Der."

His eyes followed her reverently as she moved back towards patients' rooms. She came forward…

"Shepherd! We don't have all night!"

Bailey was already standing in the elevator along with others and was blocking the door with her foot. He looked at her sheepishly and hurried inside, accompanied by discreet giggles.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith opened her drowsy eyes and looked around the room. It was dawning, the grayish light of morning was coming through the blinds. She was surprisingly well rested, well except for the slight stiffness in her back. Her instinct woke her up, a feeling that something was about to happen.

She frowned a little walking to the bed of her patient. Allison's eyelids fluttered for a good minute and then lifted up.

"Welcome back," said quietly Meredith with a tiny reassuring smile. What would come, would come. Now, she was returning to life and everything it entailed. After all, it was better than a dream vision or a cheap substitute of it.

**********************************************************************************

**A/N The next update follows with MerDer sexy date and it's going to be more cheerful than this one but… ****the drama some of you have been asking about is coming in a few updates' time, so I'm just giving you a little heads-up.**

**Waiting impatiently for any comments you might have.**

**Have a great weekend!**

**Yours,**

**Em :)**


	25. Chapter 25: When It Was Good

**A/N Thank you for every comment after the last chapter!**

**This chapter is mainly MerDer fun, so a warning here about the mature content.**

**Enjoy!**

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"Hey, what's up?" Nurse Kristie joined a giggling group of her colleagues by the counter at the nurses' station.

"Shhh!" Nurse Debbie put a finger over her lips and pointed at a row of seats with her head, "You'll wake him!"

Kristie surreptitiously looked up in the given direction and melted at the sight. She cooed dreamily cocking her head, "Awwww, he looks so cute!"

"You're an idiot," snorted Pam. "He's not cute, he's sexy!"

"Yeah, it must be heaven to fall asleep and wake up beside a piece of man like that," added Nikki.

The ladies let out a collective sigh studying the form of the sleeping doctor that dozed off in the seat in the lobby. His head slumped on his shoulder and his mouth was slightly agape. A bouquet of red roses on the chair beside him screamed date.

"Where's the Chief?" asked Kristie. "Doesn't she know her stud is lying all unconscious and defenseless and ready to be snatched by some horny female?"

"Trust me, if she got wind of some female creeping up on him, she'd be here in no time with the sharpest scalpel ready to strike," argued Nurse Liz, the oldest of them.

"Even the Horse understood that," snickered Debbie referring to Gretchen Miles. The visiting doctor came to be known publicly, and unknowingly to herself, as the Horse when one of the male residents called her Black Beauty due to her rich mane of dark hair, the name that quickly derogated to "Horse". The loyal hospital community clearly wasn't content with the intruder; she dared to reach her sticky fingers for something that wasn't hers, something belonging solely to Chief Grey.

"I don't know about that," said Liz disbelievingly. "I think she's binding her time."

"She can bind as much as she wants," shrugged Nikki. "She stands no chance; he's off the market."

"Until Dr. Grey gets bored of him," remarked loftily Kristie.

"You've got to have your eyes tested or what?" snapped Pam scowling at her colleague. "It's clear as day that they're so in love! The Chief doesn't even bitch that much anymore!"

"Of course, she doesn't," Debbie rolled her eyes. "Would you complain if he stuck his-"

"Debs!" Pam swatted her friend lightly.

"I'm just saying," Debbie shrugged her shoulders innocently. "No wonder he's so exhausted he falls asleep whenever he can, she probably rides him all the time!"

"Shut up, she's coming!" Nikki ushered them to stay quiet.

"I bet she is," muttered Debbie with a smile.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith quickly closed the safe and made sure it was locked. Her eyes swept over the office feverishly. She made Derek wait long enough, she didn't want to take any chances of forgetting to do something important and getting back to work in the middle of their second official date. Last week they went for a dinner to a fancy restaurant, the best in Seattle. It was fun, especially watching Derek squirm when she was teasing him wither foot under the table while surrounded by the city's snobs.

Today they were going more informal. Meredith smiled at the thought of what she planned for Derek. She walked out of her office turning the key in the lock, passed Patricia's now empty workplace and onto the corridor, when she experienced an annoying sense of déjà vu.

Lexie rose from one of the seats lining the wall, with a hopeful smile. Meredith groaned inwardly, why couldn't she give it a rest? She was treating her with the utmost coldness, she was dismissing her constantly, yet Lexie didn't seem to mind relentlessly trying to chat with her, all polite and smiling.

Meredith couldn't decide what was more irritating, the perky attitude or the fact that the brunette turned out to be the most promising intern of the bunch admitted this year. Apparently, she was an attending's dream of an intern though no one really sang any praises in Meredith's presence.

The appearance of Lexie Grey at the hospital and her blood ties to Meredith sent another shockwave through already buzzing corridors of Seattle Grace, but it was a short lasting one. Ellis Grey's visit and her cold relations with her daughter were still fresh in everyone's memory so the strained relationship between sisters didn't take anyone by surprise, that just how it was in families of geniuses. Anyway, the MerDer romance was more exciting.

"Dr. Grey," Lexie knew well enough to keep the cautious distance. "I've been waiting for you to finish work so maybe… we could… talk…"

"Dr. Grey," started Meredith tiredly. "Yes, I've just finished work, what does that tell you? I assure you I'm not going to waste my precious private time off chatting with you. And I would appreciate if you ceased to cross the professional line."

"But you're my sister," argued Lexie. "And you're my boss, but the fact that you're my sister is so much more important. You're my older sister!"

"Oh, please," snorted Meredith. "We don't know each other."

"Maybe but I know I've wanted to know you since Dad told us about you. I have Molly, but she's totally into different things and you… you are my older sister and you're cool… you rock!"

Meredith gave her a long look and said quietly, "Like I said, you don't know me. Goodnight, Dr. Grey."

Lexie possessed a trait of character that might be a nuisance for a surgeon after all, childlike naïveté.

Meredith made her way to the lobby, her meeting point with Derek, trying to digest Lexie's words until her eyes rested on the adorable sight that pushed everything that didn't involve a certain blue-eyed neurosurgeon out of her mind.

Her heart skipped a beat seeing how endearing he looked sleeping peacefully, sprawled on a chair. She was so late he fell asleep, unforgivable on her part. She slowed her step, careful not to make too much noise with her heels and wondered how to wake him up. Damn nurses were occupying the counter like a trench during a war, all the time pretending not to pay any attention to her actions. Yeah, right… Screw them!

As she drew nearer, she spotted red flowers resting on the seat beside him. Wasn't Derek the most thoughtful boyfriend in the world? She tiptoed closer and picked up the bouquet pulling on of the roses from the bunch. She teased his bumpy nose with the silky petals. It twitched but he remained otherwise unmoved. With a tender smile, Meredith brushed the flower gently over his face again. This time Derek moved his head, let out a sleepy huff and opened his eyes, the first thing he saw being her wide grin.

"Mer, I'm sorry," he breathed out, blinking his eyes rapidly to ban the drowsiness. "I… can't believe I fell asleep here..."

"I can," she sat down beside him and caressed his cheek with her thumb. "The trial takes up a lot of your time and effort. We can go out some other time, you know?"

"No, absolutely not," he protested wildly with a smile. "You're… half an hour late and now you've got the audacity to bail on me?"

"I do not!" she denied indignantly.

"Then let's get a move on," he smiled cocking his head as he stood up and offered her a hand. "What do you have in mind, Dr. Grey?"

Her eyes glided greedily over his tall form. His hair carefully styled into a misbehaved wave, a neat shirt peeking from underneath his indigo sweater. She wanted to eat him.

"Something you'll enjoy…"

**********************************************************************************

"Damn it, I hate these little things," grumbled Meredith rummaging through her small purse for her cell that was ringing louder and louder.

The movie was about to start in fifteen minutes, Derek took the time to study the posters with a skeptical frown reading the banner that announced "Horror Week"… Huh…

"What are we watching?" he asked half-heartedly glancing at other people awaiting the screening, a guy in thick glasses giving the impression of being a movie geek and a couple of teenage nerds…

"It's only Addison…" muttered Meredith and looked up at him distractedly, "The film… uh, _The people under the stairs_…"

Derek cocked his eyebrows indifferently, never heard of it. He got back to the posters and read the summary.

_The People Under The Stairs_

_Fight For Survival_

_Thirteen-year-old __Fool celebrates his birthday in an unusual way. With two of his friends, he sneaks into a house of their rich neighbours. They quickly learn that their hosts are a pair of cannibals and psychopaths. The boys fall into a trap…_

"Er, sounds… interesting?" he mumbled. "Didn't know you liked horrors…?"

She only shrugged with a mysterious smile on her lips, almost laughing out loud at his doubtful face.

Soon they were let inside along with five other viewers. Meredith tugged at his hand, "No, not here, too close… perfect!" She pulled him to the most isolated row and sat down, instantly devouring their popcorn.

"So, you took me here deliberately so I could sleep?" he joked twenty minutes into the movie.

She giggled madly, her mouth full of popcorn. The movie was ridiculous, but that was not why she dragged him to the cinema. "Nope, watch on and stop cracking jokes. You're not supposed to make fun while watching a scary movie."

"All correct, except that is not a scary movie," he quipped. "You yelling at interns is more scary than this."

She shushed him stifling her hilarity and slapped his thigh. That, however, seemed to give him another idea. He put an arm around her and asked into her ear, "Are you cold? Because if you were, it could give me an excellent opportunity to feel you up. That's why we're here, aren't we?"

"You're getting warmer…"

A shiver of excitement ran down his spine as her hot breath fanned his pulse point. "Only… I will be the one to do the feeling up… Oops!" The popcorn box fidgeted in her hands and as a result, the content spilled all over Derek's lap.

"My bad," she purred and he saw her hand dive down blindly after the white dots. "I'll get it off for you, shall I?"

He swallowed audibly though the sound drowned into the terrified screams of other viewers. He felt his cock growing instantaneously hard.

"Meredith…" he panted as her hand wandered methodically over his middle, brushing off the popcorn but avoiding the place he wanted her the most. His girlfriend was wicked, purely, evilly, deliciously wicked…

"You're so wicked…" he breathed out and immediately regretted his words as Meredith stilled her movement.

"You're calling me wicked?" she asked coyly. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down, hearing the sexual undertones in her voice. He knew she was going to play dirty…

"I'm so good and helpful to you, Dr. Shepherd," she whispered. "And you're calling me bad… Look, I can even brush the salt from your clothes…"

She moved her hand going straight for the target this time, rubbing roughly his groin…

"Am I bad?" she asked grazing his neck with her teeth.

"Good," he gasped. "So good."

"Or maybe, I am a bit wicked," she confessed sinking to her knees and prying his legs open. "Because… I've been wet all evening thinking what I am going to do to you…"

Derek was literally hammered into his seat. "What… are… you going to do…"

"Can't you guess, Dr. Shepherd?" she snickered and her fingers fumbled with the zipper of his pants.

"Meredith," he breathed out a warning stilling her fingers, effectively squashing his groin, "Damn…" he breathed with difficulty. "We're in… the cinema… people… here…"

"Relax, Der," she whispered seductively slapping his hands away. "It's dark, no one will see… Sit back… and enjoy the movie…"

"Oh shit," he muttered out. Hell, he was not going to relax, he was all tense and to tell the truth a bit apprehensive at doing _this _in an indoor public place but as Meredith exposed his penis to the cool air and flicked her thumb over the tip smearing the precum round his thick shaft, every attempt at rational thinking flew out of the window. What could he say? He lost all sense of control around her. She drove him wild and unrestrained… She changed him that way, she changed him into… a bad boy that enjoyed blowjobs at the movies.

He didn't see her ministrations in the obscurity but he could imagine how her extremely gifted nimble fingers looked working him up, caressing his cock from the tip to the base. He felt her other hand sneaking to cup and play with his tightened balls.

His head trashed back, his eyes rolling inside his skull and he muffled a moan. He was going to lose it and fast; the tension in his body was starting to be unbearable thanks to her grip on his length. But then he reached an even greater pleasure as Meredith enveloped his twitching cock into her warm and so very wet mouth. She deep throated him languidly and then pulled slightly away grazing his burning skin with her teeth. But she was back in no time, suckling on him hungrily. He bit his lips to remain silent but Meredith seeing his face illuminated by the screen said breathlessly, "Scream as much as you want, love… no one will notice…"

That was too much for his incredibly rigid cock. His hips bucked into her and he let his release explode inside her mouth.

"Yes! Yes!" he roared violently riding his orgasm. In the diffused light, Meredith watched the pleasure playing on his face as she took all he had to give and lapped her tongue around him meticulously to lick him clean.

His breathing was still labored as she tucked his soft penis inside his boxers and zipped his pants. She crouched back on her seat and he wiped the slight sweat he built on his brow.

"You could've given us away," she giggled snuggling against him under his arm.

"You told me to scream yourself," he pointed out breathlessly.

"Yeah, but there was that scene when a guy covered in blood set up a dog at some kid and you were the only one shouting yes, yes!" she mocked him.

He rolled his eyes only to close them back in postorgasmic bliss, "Right now, I don't give a damn if it eats him alive."

She chuckled and pulled at his arm, "Let's get out of here."

"You don't want to stay and watch?" he snorted following her in the dark.

"The place served its purpose," she shrugged.

Right before they reached the exit they bumped into a security guard.

"We've heard there was some inappropriate behavior in the theater," he said firmly blocking their way.

Derek groaned inwardly. Great, first they were caught by the police and now this. He was on the best way to become a sex offender.

"Yes, we've heard!" Meredith's voice was haughty and incredulous. "It's utterly disgusting! We'll never come here again!"

She pushed the guard aside dragging Derek behind her. They walked fast until they were at a safe distance from the building where they burst out laughing.

"You're dangerous to be with," he chuckled and let out a deep sigh of relief.

"Nope, just horny," she quipped and hooked her hands around his neck. "And that's… because of you," she brushed her lips against his.

"I have to disagree," he looked at her through his half-closed lids. "I'm pretty sure I've had more sex in the few months with you than in all previous years put together."

"If you're a good boy, you'll get some more tonight," she promised cocking her head. "But now, we need to hail a cab, I'm starving."

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"I like it, very cozy," said Derek after they installed themselves in a booth in a small Italian restaurant. It was indeed very cozy, they were both pressed together side to side and his arm rested assuredly around her shoulders, his fingers playing absentmindedly with her hair.

"Just don't get any ideas," she warned him with a smile.

"What ideas?" he asked her raising his eyebrows, the corners of his mouth twitching as he did so.

"Dirty," she answered resolutely. "You've got dirty written all over your face."

"If I have, that's because you wrote it," he leaned in, nuzzling his nose against the side of her face.

"No fooling around here," she shook her head though her skin was beginning to warm up under his attention. "I'd like to come back here sometimes."

"So you can torture me whenever and wherever you want but I can't pay you back?" he whined. "So not fair!"

"Yup, it's called life," she smiled smugly. "Ooh, our food! Or at least," she added eyeing the plate the waitress placed in front of him, "mine is food, yours is some green crap."

"At least it's healthy crap," he bit back, "which won't clog me arteries with cholesterol. You know, I'll never understand why a doctor such as you is so eager to ruin her health."

"Don't try to understand me," she smiled and let out a tiny moan of appreciation tasting her lasagna. "I'm more complicated than a tumor in the temporal lobe."

Derek laughed and shook his head at their banter. They fell in a small comfortable silence until he noticed in her movements a slight change of mood.

"Mer," he said quietly looking at her intently.

She lifted her eyes from her food and locked them in his. "Lexie cornered me when I was on my way to meet you."

He nodded frowning slightly waiting for her to continue.

"It's just confusing, you know?" she scrunched her face.

"What is?" he prompted.

"She told me she wanted to know me," Meredith jabbed her lasagna absent-mindedly.

"Really?" It didn't astonish Derek all that much, not that he felt it was safe to present a stronger opinion about Lexie to Meredith but her sister seemed a nice person.

"She told me… she told me that I was cool and I rocked," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Well, I think she's right," he sent her a little smile, "and sincere."

"I don't know… it's confusing…" she sighed deeply. "What she does is confusing to me. I wish she stopped."

"Why do you think it's confusing?" asked further Derek. "I think she really wants to get closer to you."

"It's infuriating," Meredith bit her lips. "It makes me… unhate her."

"It might be good," he proposed gently. "I've heard hatred it an exhausting emotion."

"And it makes me feel like a childish emotionally immature selfish bitch," Meredith grumbled on.

"You're not," Derek stated firmly. "You can't blame yourself for feeling hurt and a little cautious towards your family. Do you feel like… you might want to know her better?" he asked carefully.

"I don't know," she shook her head violently. "No, not… not now… I…"

"It's okay," he whispered placing his hand soothingly over hers. "I'm here."

He looked at her reassuringly. He adored how Meredith turned to him these days, she could tell him everything and… she didn't realize it. She was a high flyer, an achiever, always pushing for more; no wonder she didn't notice how much they accomplished during those seven months since she waltzed into his life in her high heeled shoes. But he did notice, and it made all different kinds of happy thoughts swirl in his mind or get excited seeing an advertisement of jewelry… They were official for only about three weeks but in reality their relationship lasted much longer, so it wouldn't be completely preposterous or ridiculously early to consider…

"Derek?" she eyed him quizzically cocking her head from side to side.

"It's… it's nothing," he stammered continuing to smile at her when she dropped her suspicious gaze to her plate. "I… I meant to tell you that you can take your time with your biological family; you have other people that care for you."

"Yeah, I know," Meredith nodded with a bright smile. "You… Addie… speaking of Addie, I think she'll be moving out soon."

"Will she?" asked Derek, somewhat surprised. "Why?"

"Well," Meredith shook her glass gently watching the wine rock from side to side. "We weren't really supposed to live together when we came to Seattle, only… the force of the habit was stronger, I guess, we've shared a flat since college. Addie has been on the lookout for a good deal though and now, I think is the time. She's with Mark, I have you… and we have an empty house for ourselves tonight," she smiled coyly.

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Meredith switched off the night lamp and listlessly slid under the covers next to Derek who was resting on the bed with his eyes closed. However, Meredith's appearance seemed to triggered an immediate response as Derek scooped closer, pressing against her, his lips automatically landing on her neck. The rest of the evening passed pleasantly and they got back home and got ready for bed in a sweet domestic pace.

"I thought you were asleep," she breathed erratically as his hand mischievously crept over her thigh under nightie, caressing her smooth stomach to finally palm her ample breast.

"I am… very awake," he assured pronouncing his statement by rubbing his erection against her thigh.

She giggled feeling the wetness in her core returning. She would be lying saying that she didn't want him pay back for the favor she did him at the movies. But the good-girlfriend part of her said half-heartedly, "You were dead on your feet hours ago. You must bee ahhhh… exhausted. Don't you want to get some rest?"

"Not before I give you a mind-blowing orgasm," he promised cockily, his fingers pushing aside the crotch of her panties and gliding around her wet lips enticingly.

"Oh, yesss, you do that," she purred arching her back, anticipating the pleasure he was going to give her.

His mouth invaded hers, sweetly penetrating her moist cavern and at the exact same time his index finger sank between her slick folds, deeper and deeper in circular motion. She moaned into his throat pushing her hips up, making his finger sink further.

"Derek…" she groaned as he pulled away his hand slightly. "Don't tease…"

"I am not," he chuckled but went exactly against his words as his fingertip kept flicking over her clit seemingly carelessly, lightly as a stroke of a feather.

She writhed impatiently, her breath rugged, "Derek, please!" she begged breathlessly. He could feel her getting warmer and more worked up and decided to grant her wish; he pressed the swollen nub with his thumb, all the gentleness gone, and she shrieked to high heavens. He pinched it and her body shook in the awaited pleasure. Yet he didn't give her any time to recover.

She didn't get any reprieve as she felt again Derek making love to her with his fingers. He pushed one finger roughly in and out of her, soon adding another one… and another. She kept screaming as her walls started to clench again even if they didn't actually stopped after the first little wave of orgasm.

Before the second wave hit her though, his magic fingers disappeared replaced by something even better. He released a contended sigh slipping his hard member inside her. A few thrusts were enough to push her over the edge, and him as well. He really was exhausted and didn't waste much time losing himself in her. Her muscles clamped deliciously around his shaft and he followed her with his own release.

Soon they collapsed limply on the mattress, in the total darkness, their limbs tangled together under the duvet. They fell asleep almost immediately, so very domestic.

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**A/N**** I hope you liked the chapter and I didn't offend anyone who might enjoy that horror movie I used :)**

**Next chapter will be entirely MerDer but the tone of the update will be a bit different from this.**

**Have a happy Grey's Day!**

**Em :)**


	26. Chapter 26: Walking On A Dream

**A/N It's chapter 26 already, time flies! It's rather on the short side, and might be a little confusing a the beginning but it does have an explanation. Oh, and there's another mature content warning!**

**Enjoy!**

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Meredith drove her silver Porsche like mad. It was an ordinary day, quiet day at work. Why would she be in such a hurry? Yet, she was. She couldn't get to the trailer fast enough. It was absolutely imperative to get back. Come to think of it… she didn't have the faintest idea why she needed to be at the trailer. But an inner force pushed her forward… Wait! She was driving a car? Since when did she have a driving license?

There was no time to ponder this, she ran up to the trailer and wrenched the door open. Her eyes immediately fell upon a pair of legs lying motionlessly on the floor. She lunged herself forward, cold fear gripping her chest… An ear-splitting shriek escaped her throat. No! Tears streamed down her cheeks as she sank to her knees. This could not be happening! It was the one person in the world who cared for her… Her entire form shivered uncontrollably. She wanted to help, to save him… but she knew it was for nothing. His brown bloodshot eyes were opened wide, as though in gentle astonishment. A used syringe was lying beside him on the floor. A cord was tied up tightly around his skinny bicep… The pale skin around the veins was scattered with multiple traces of injections.

She couldn't bring herself to touch him… she just held her numbed hands before herself. She couldn't touch him… but she was certain he was cold… just like that patient who died during her mother's surgery.

Meredith sobbed; where she was going to go now? All by herself? Her eyes moved reverently over his body, his handsome face covered with heavy stubble… the careless smirk he always wore… his brown longish hair that begged to be trimmed. Chace… the only person that didn't seek escape from her presence. She'd say him one last goodbye. She lowered her lips to his, like she expected… ice cold… She lifted her head slowly and opened her eyes. Something changed…

His body was bigger, more muscular. It swelled like a inflatable doll. The stubble darkened. A bump grew on his nose. His hair thickened and blackened, his perfect hair… His lips were now stretched in a gentle good-natured smile. Only his eyes were as wide as before, though baby blue.

Meredith's heart stopped beating, it must have stopped beating. It wasn't possible to survive the pain as excruciating as it was now. Her heart must have stopped functioning for her face froze in a tormented grimace, a pained scream died on her lips… Derek… the only man that truly loved her…

However, her heart ruthlessly resumed its pace and liberated the piercing cry that ripped the surroundings and reverberated outside.

"Derek!" she sobbed and heaved herself to a sitting position, bringing her wet face to her knees and covering her head with her arms. She couldn't catch her breath, held hostage by cold fear. Something was different yet again… She wasn't on the floor, she was somewhere soft, and seconds ago it was warm. She cautiously peeked around her. She was indeed in a trailer, only it was Derek's trailer.

It meant… that was just a bad dream, a nightmare. But it felt so real. Still affected by her vision, she scanned the floor half-expecting to see Derek's lifeless body. She breathed out shakily, combing her fingers through her hair. No, he wasn't there but… he wasn't in the bed either. A flutter of inquietude made her stomach churn but then she had to laugh at her stupidity. He had probably sneaked out to catch their breakfast. A tired giggle escaped her throat, Derek, her own private hunter.

She heard thunderous footsteps on the deck and the door was yanked open impetuously. Derek ran in, in full fishing gear, immediately assessing the situation, anxiety written across his face.

"Meredith?" he asked out of breath, with worry apparent in his voice. "Did you… did you scream?"

"I'm sorry," she sighed waving her hand, "I've had a nightmare…"

He quickly moved to the bed, sitting on the edge and scooping her in his arms.

"It's just a bad dream," she protested lightly, but secretly grateful. The warmth of his arms had healing powers.

"Apparently a really bad one," muttered Derek into her hair, rocking her gently. "You're all shaken up."

"Well, it was bad…" she admitted reluctantly reveling in his touch.

"Has something been on your mind lately?" he asked frowning slightly, angry at himself that he might have missed something. "I've never seen you sleeping bad."

"You never have," she pulled away a bit to look into his eyes and confessed, "I rarely have them. But it was pretty bad at one time… when I was in college, after all that affair with Chace… It was always the same dream, me going back to the trailer to find him drugged dead."

"But you didn't in reality?" reminded Derek.

"I didn't, it was just a figment of my over productive imagination," she sighed. "And it was horrible. I blocked it out of mind effectively and it never returned… until today for some reason."

"You had the same nightmare today?" he asked with astonishment.

"Basically," she shuddered, "only ten times worse, you were there…"

"Me? In your nightmare? What was I doing?"

"I ran into the trailer, I saw Chace and… and the he sorta… morphed into you… I… I know it's stupid," she rolled her eyes.

"Was I… dead?" he winced.

"Yeah," she said with a small voice.

"Then I agree, it is a bit stupid. I don't do drugs, you know," he attempted to put some humor in the situation.

"I know," she chuckled, her hand caressing his chest through the thick layers of his clothing. "You're an incurable health nut."

"Meredith?" he went on, praying to calm his racing heart down before Meredith picked up his nervousness. "Do you have any idea why it all came back?" He was afraid she might be apprehensive at their fast developing relationship. They were going steady, almost two months after the mixer. He prayed for her not to have any doubts, not today, not on the day when he was going to the jeweler to pick up the ring…

"I don't know," she sighed with a small smile and put her arms around his neck. "Maybe I just don't want to lose you."

"You won't," he whispered leaning to kiss her on the lips. "I'll be right back to make you something to eat. I abandoned the trout I caught on the path from the lake when I heard you."

"Aw, my knightly fisherman," she giggled as he went out to recuperate the fishing equipment he left behind.

Meredith took a deep breath and jumped out of bed. On any other day, her concern about the return of her nightmare would be greater but today she just blamed it on her efforts to make the day special. It was November 12th ,Thursday and… Derek's birthday. She had carefully planned the celebration, leaving birthday boy in a blissful ignorance. She didn't mention the importance of the coming day and she was pretty sure Derek didn't have any idea she knew. But thanks to her and her shitty past the day had already begun less than perfect. She just knew the right way to repair it. She dropped her, or rather his, shirt she had hastily put on to bed last night, and trotted to the small kitchen area. She eyed the counter… it was small, that was the reason why they never thought of doing it here but if she pushed the microwave aside…

Derek reappeared seconds later; as soon as his eyes found her the net with the trout slipped from his hands and splashed on the floor. He saw her naked more times that he could ever count but he would never get bored of feasting his eyes upon her supple body. And she always succeeded on taking him by surprise.

"Meredith…" he panted, suddenly afraid he might suffocate in his warm clothes he wore to protect himself from the November chill. "You're naked…" Not exactly the smartest remark, but hell, he was hot and hard and not exactly able to think about anything else than the nakedness of the most beautiful woman he ever saw.

She giggled at his awkwardness, she always did, with the ever-present note of disbelief that she could actually have that effect on him after all those months of being together.

"What are you going to do about this?" she asked coyly.

"I'm…" he muttered.

She laughed even harder. "I suggest you drop your clothes and join me… and wash your hands before that after touching your slimy swimming friend," she eyed the deceased trout laying forgotten on the floor.

He moved to the sink and cleared his throat, trying to act like a gentleman. She woke up screaming from a nightmare. He wouldn't like to use her vulnerability, even if she had nothing against it. "Mer, uhm," he began but got immediately distracted with her nipples, hardened with cool air.

"Yeah?" she urged him, fidgeting on the counter.

"Meredith, maybe we should… talk some more…" he offered half-heartedly.

"We've already talked, now I want you to fuck me," she ordered and added jokingly, "and please, bear in mind that I'm ready to disregard the fact that you smell like fish. So, drop your clothes."

Now he was the one to laugh at her impatience. He did what he was told, quickly stripping under her scrutiny and stood between her legs.

"This brings memories," he smiled up at her, his hands wandering from her knees up her thighs to rest on her ass.

"Yeah, really good memories," she grinned, tracing her fingers over his shoulders.

"I think I did something like this," he said slowly and thrust into her without warning not bothering to test her readiness. She was always ready for him.

"I think you did," she moaned appreciatively. "And then I did this," she clenched her inner muscles around his shaft making him hiss, "and this." She yanked at his hair roughly gaining better access to tease his Adam's apple with her lips. She chased it with a giggle when he swallowed hard.

"Will you order me to call you Dr. Grey?" he muttered immobilized inside her.

"Nope," she shook her head biting on his ear, "you can call me anything you want, Der."

"Love," he whispered gently looking with pure worship into her eyes. "Let me make love to you…"

She allowed him to move inside her but his thrusts were far from the roughness of their first time. He pushed into her torturously slow, making sure she had the time to feel him, all of him. And she did; the overwhelming pleasure born in her core slowly took control of her entire body. She was certain Derek left an invisible imprint on every cell in her body as she yearned for him with all her being.

The burning ball of her orgasms slowly built inside her, Derek's slow meticulous strokes bringing her closer and closer to her release. She managed to look at his lovely face through the fuzziness that was overtaking her brain. Who would have thought when they first pleasured each other that they had a future like this? He was supposed to be just a quick fuck, an accident on the job so to speak, a one night stand… and he turned to be the love of her life.

Derek observed with growing pride and excitement the pleasure playing in Meredith's irises. He achieved what he hoped for when he first crossed the threshold of her house, the irreplaceable spot in her life and heart. He continued loving her slowly and sensuously, determined to make her touch heaven, even though his twitching cock kept demanding going harder and faster. But he resisted his animalistic instincts, they would surely come in handy some other time.

His efforts paid back and he was rewarded with the magnificent sight of her coming, her eyes almost completely covered by her lids, the rosy hue on her porcelain skin, her lips parted to catch the breath that escaped her, her swollen breasts that bumped his chest repeatedly… The screams that she let out while she rode her orgasm were the most enticing sound he ever heard.

Showing a considerable amount of self-control, he prevented his own release as long as he could, prolonging her pleasure. Only when he noticed she was winding down, did he push into her core with more force, the powerful friction causing him to shoot his seed deep over her walls with a moan.

They continued their sweet embrace, waiting for their erratic breathing to regularize, their sweaty foreheads together, their breaths mingling, feeling absolutely sated and peaceful. Finally, they dragged their tingling selves to the shower. Derek washed himself at the top speed and hurried to make them breakfast while Meredith stayed a while longer under the shower, reviewing once more in her head the order of the day so as not to ruin Derek's surprise.

When she joined him in back in the kitchen wearing her ratty little Dartmouth t-shirt Derek liked to say she looked so good in, the one with a hole in the back of the neck, he was already dressed and ready to go, the warm pancakes waiting for her.

"What, no trout?" she smirked pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"That will have to wait for later, I wouldn't have time to clean it as you decided to engage me in a very time-consuming activity," he quipped. "I'll be running late for surgery…" Not exactly, but he might if he spent too much time at the jeweler's.

"So, I'm going to see you later," she smiled at him with shining eyes. She minced to him and he caught a whiff of a flowery scent. She had just put the conditioner on her freshly washed hair. She leaned to him putting her hand on his chest, and kissed him. It was soft, quick, kind of like a habit, like they would do it every day for the rest of their lives. Then she sat at the table to read what she left out from the yesterday's newspaper and he went out to work.

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**A/N Please, keep on commenting! It's so exciting for me to learn what you think!**

**Next chapter brings on new dynamics and is coming up next week.**

**Yours,**

**Em :)**


	27. Chapter 27: An Honest Mistake

**A/N Thank you once again for reading and commenting!**

**I'm terribly nervous about posting this update… I hope you won't find the chapter too cliché. I assure you it's not drama for drama's sake, it's going to serve a higher purpose. Without further ado.**

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Meredith passed her fingers over two airline tickets. She was counting the hours till the end of her shift when she was going to kidnap Derek for a romantic evening in a five-star luxurious hotel suite and even more romantic weekend in Sonoma during which she was going to ask him to move in together. Yes, forty-eight uninterrupted hours of Derek and the best liquor in the wine country, she couldn't wait. It required a little sneaking on her part and abusing her power of the chief to make sure that all surgeries would be covered during the absence of two leading neurosurgeons in the hospital.

"Booo!"

Meredith jumped up and the folder with the tickets slipped from her hands. She managed to catch it, pressing it to her knees.

"Doing something you shouldn't?" laughed Addison from the doorway, smirking at Meredith's acrobatic position.

"Addie!" hissed Meredith. "Close the damn door! Do you know how hard is it to keep a secret in this place?"

"Do tell," Addie grinned pitilessly and slumped on the chair in front of Meredith's desk. "You and Derek must have brought this art to perfection."

Meredith rolled her eyes and followed Addison's lead and sat down.

"So, excited about tonight?" Addison wiggled her eyebrows.

"Pretty much," answered Meredith noncommittally. "Excited about having the whole house for yourself and McSteamy? Just clean after yourselves, okay?"

"You're disgusting, you know?" Addison scrunched her face. "Just that you and Derek are a pair of nymphos doesn't mean that me and Mark are too! Besides, we'll be packing most of the time."

"I can't believe we won't be living together anymore," Meredith smiled melancholically.

"Yeah," nodded the red head. "It actually feels weird. But we've grown up, right? The past is in the past. Besides, I'm sure you'll be much fonder of your new roommate."

"Yeah," Meredith mumbled under her breath, remembering the horrible vision she had only a couple of hours earlier.

"Meredith? Are you having… any doubts?" asked Addison recognizing the change in her friend's mood.

"Doubts? No, absolutely not," Meredith denied quickly. "I don't have any doubts whatsoever. Derek is my future, I believe it but… Addie, the past… you can't escape from it. You can't lock it up and throw away the key."

"Mer?" Addie studied her face carefully.

"I… had the dream," she admitted reluctantly.

"What dream?" the red head looked at her questioningly.

"_The_ dream, Addie. Remember the nightmare with Chace?"

Addie opened her mouth, "You mean the one where… on the floor… and…?"

"The very same," sighed Meredith. "I have no idea why I dreamed about it. It's been gone for years."

"It might be just the stress, you know?" wondered loudly Addie. "Taking big steps and all that. You'll be living with Derek. Maybe it has something to do with this?"

"I don't know," shrugged Meredith. "But that's just the half of it. The dream was different. I kissed Chace and… and there was this freaking Harry Potter thing when he turned into Derek…"

"You dream about Harry Potter?" snickered Addie.

Meredith let out an impatient huff, "Addison, I'm dreaming about dead Derek!"

"You used to dream about dead Chace and nothing happened," Addie argued reasonably.

"Yeah, because he was like… already dead," bit back Meredith. "You think it might be some weird sign? Not to board a plane or something?"

Addison quirked an eyebrow, "You're superstitious now?"

"No, I'm… I guess I'm really nervous about today. I want it to be perfect," concluded Meredith.

"I'm sure it will be. Derek's still in the dark?"

"He didn't mention a word about his birthday," giggled Meredith. "Either he thinks I forgot about it or he forgot himself."

Addison laughed, "No way! Even Markie remembered!"

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According to popular belief, it was women who got excited over shiny expensive things. However, watching Derek Shepherd that particular Thursday one might get a completely reverse impression. He had thought that the actual fact of having the ring would calm down his nerves but it was the opposite case. When he decided to buy it, he wasn't in a hurry. He wanted to wait to pop the question when the right time came. But once he got it in his hands… the impatience to put it on Meredith's finger completely conquered his thoughts.

The ring was beautiful, subtle, discrete and of course costly, though that certainly wasn't a problem. He'd buy the sun and the moon for her. She'd love the ring, she had to love the ring… if she didn't bolt in fear beforehand that was.

As on multiple occasions that day, Derek reached into the confines of his lab coat pocket and drew a scarlet little box. Wherever he was alone he stared at the sparkling piece of jewelry imagining how Meredith would look wearing it and more importantly, _how_ he would get Meredith to wear it.

"So, are we going out to celebrate the big day?" Mark's booming voice snapped him out of the trance.

Derek shut the box and tightly clasped his palm around it. It was stupid of him to ogle the ring in the corridor where anyone could have a good look at it.

"What do you mean by the big day?" he asked his friend nervously.

"What do you mean by what do you mean?" frowned Mark. He had an idea what was going on. They always celebrated their birthdays over a drink at the bar, nothing fancy. But now Derek was pussy whipped, and probably eager to wriggle out of their yearly tradition to spend some quality time with Dr. Grey. Not that he blamed him; from what he heard Meredith was a volcano in bed.

"What?" muttered Derek utterly confused by their verbal exchange.

Mark shook his head, "I've got lost between some of the whats. I wanted to know if you're bailing on having a birthday toast with your best buddy."

"Birthday…" Derek's brain started to work on fast motion. "It's my birthday today…"

"Don't tell me you forgot," smirked Mark, folding his arms over his chest.

"I've had… more important things on my mind," shrugged Derek laughing at himself.

"Yeah, I've never thought I'd ever say it but too much horizontal mambo might seriously screw your brain."

Derek chuckled, unfazed, "I wonder why any of the girls didn't call… They always woke me up at the crack of dawn. And I didn't get a piece of cake from the nurses…"

"You're off the market, they don't need to make the effort. And about the Shepherd sisters, uhm, it may be because you haven't bothered to get in touch with them for months, don't you think?" Mark raised his eyebrows innocently.

"Okay, I'm guilty, I confess," nodded Derek though he didn't look remorseful in the slightest. "It might all change soon…"

"What do you mean?" asked Mark. "Hell, no, we won't get anywhere with this question."

Derek glanced furtively around and discreetly opened his fingers with a small smile.

"What is that?" Mark's eyes went wide open.

"What you think it is," chuckled Derek hiding the box into his pocket.

"That's dangerous! People who carry guns are more likely to fire 'em."

"Oh, I'm ready to fire it," assured Derek. "That's not the problem. She's the problem. She spooks easy. I have to fire at the right time, in the right way, otherwise she'll panic and bolt. She's not ready. Do you think she's ready?"

"I don't know," muttered Mark despite his open mouth. "All I know is that you're rambling."

"I guess I am," shrugged Derek and caught Mark's arm in warning, "Just don't tell anyone, especially Addie, because that equals telling Meredith."

"Okay, my lips are sealed," reassured him Mark. "You want to do it tonight?"

"I… maybe… I don't know, I want to…" Derek burst out laughing at his own incommunicativeness.

"Good luck with it, you'll need it," Mark patted his shoulder. "And Happy Birthday!"

Derek shook his head with a small laugh. He was absolutely certain it would be the happiest birthday in his life, the first one of many with Meredith at his side. He entered the laboratory with the happy pounce in his stride.

"Hey!" he greeted Gretchen who looked up from her microscope curious about the cheerfulness in his voice.

"Hi yourself," the brunettes slipped from his stool and walked up to him. "Someone's happy?"

"Yeah," he threw with a smile and proceeded to his workplace feeling the almost imperceptible weight in his pocket.

"Any particular reason?" Gretchen moved up to stand beside him battling her eyelashes.

"Uhm, it's my birthday," he quickly came up with an excuse. He was acting way to carelessly but he couldn't contain his enthusiasm.

"It's your birthday!" exclaimed Gretchen and here brows arched mischievously. Surely Derek wouldn't mind if she wished him happy birthday a bit more affectionately… Just as he turned to face her, she jumped up bringing her hands around his neck to pull him into a searing kiss…

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Meredith looked at the clock with a big silly grin, it was time to take Derek to his surprise. She was fidgeting on the spot for the past hour, bubbling with excitement. She walked out of her office and grinned, she was going to kidnap Derek still in his scrubs. It would be easier and quicker to peel them off anyway. She took a peek into his office, empty. His name wasn't on the surgical board so he was probably working in the lab.

She was there in no time. Her hand reached hurriedly for the handle and her eyes lifted up to look inside through the glass door… which she didn't open. Her heart froze just like in her dream. But there was no dead Derek this time. In fact, he was very much alive. He must be, if he stood on his own two feet, slightly hunched, his lips connected to those belonging to no other Gretchen Miles… She had her arms around his neck, while his hands were tightly grasping her shoulders.

Meredith's fingers flew to her throat desperately; she seemed to forget how to breathe. What she mostly felt at this point was shock, shock and disbelief. But there was really no sense in questioning what she saw, the irrefutable proof was just before her eyes. She whirled on her heel, unable to stand the view that was making her sick to her stomach. She walked blindly to her office passing Patricia that was squinting at her from under the thick glasses.

"Dr. Grey…?" she asked with a frown. Only five minutes earlier, the Chief left her office with a bounce in her step. Now she looked as though she was struggling to keep it together. "Dr. Grey, do you need-"

Her unfinished question was answered with a violent slam of the door.

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Derek turned towards Gretchen who was apparently willing to wish him happy birthday and was instantaneously taken aback by the sudden feel of a woman's lips on his, lips so different to the ones that he grew accustomed to. Those foreign lips, unfamiliar arms, the odd perfumes surprised him. Not in a good way, though. He pulled away, pushing her arms from his neck. Great, that was just what he needed while carrying an engagement ring for his girlfriend, kissing another woman. He might have omitted telling Meredith about Gretchen's previous pass at him but a kiss… It felt like cheating. How could he propose to Meredith without having a clear conscience?

All these uneasy thoughts flew through his head while he held Gretchen's hands at a distance from his body.

"What… was that?" he asked curtly.

"I just… sorry if I made you uncomfortable," Gretchen licked her lips with a grin. "I only wanted to be nice."

He let go of her hands. "We talked about this," he said firmly. "I'm with Meredith."

"I know, I respect it," she assured him and glanced at him coyly. "It was nothing Dr. Grey needs to be concerned about or hear at all."

Derek turned away from her, suddenly tired. There was still a month at least to go before the end of the trial and although the work was gratifying, he couldn't wait to say goodbye to Dr. Miles. She was a real trial for his nerves.

Meanwhile, Gretchen's musings went into a completely different direction. She had only one month left to get Derek Shepherd into bed with her and she was sure that after today she was one step closer.

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Meredith took the surprise plane tickets into her hands and held it high before her eyes. They burned her fingers like hot coals. Each hand tugged in the opposite direction and the paper tore apart with a heart ripping sound.

The initial disbelief was gone now, as well as the desperate need to explain and justify Derek's behavior. At first, she was catching at the straws, trying to find a reasonable explanation… but there couldn't've been any. The sweet words, looks, loving embraces were all lies. For a brief second, she blamed herself, that she was unlovable, that she failed him, made him wait for her too long. Then again, nothing, absolutely nothing, justified dishonesty and betrayal. And she had thought he was special, different from the rest…

Liquid ice ran in her veins. The self-doubt was replaced with pure hatred. If the past months were a lie, she was the same Meredith Grey she had been before, and she would act like it. She would not let Derek Shepherd and his ageing slut humiliate her in front of the whole hospital. She wouldn't be the sad little girl screwed over by a guy.

Meredith fumed at the way he treated her. He was making out with Miles in broad daylight, in plain view for everyone to see. She cringed thinking how many nurses might have already seen them together. But she would get her revenge, gone was the weak pathetic woman Derek tried to turn her into. Welcome back Meredith The Bitch Grey.

She pressed the intercom, "Patricia, let Dr. Nelson know he doesn't need to take over Dr. Shepherd's cases. Thank you."

Meredith went through her contacts and pulled out a business card. She took a deep breath, her fingers clasped her phone… she was a step from making all hell break loose. But if she didn't, someone else would do it for her, which she couldn't allow. Her mother's sneering face appeared in her mind and she felt… ashamed. She couldn't believe how reckless she had been; she risked all she had, the career, the reputation. She became a hospital laughing stock. It was ending now, right now.

She dialed the number. "Hi… Yes, it is me… Yeah… I'm fine but… you told me to call if I needed you…"

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**A/N So… yeah. I'm patiently waiting for your comments while putting on my balaclava and trench coat and boarding the next plane to Mexico**** in hope any bullets won't reach me there…**

**On a more serious note, trust me, I will fix them. But for now, Meredith acts on impulse****, she thinks she knows what she saw and doesn't she want revenge… **

**Next update on Saturday.**

**Yours,**

**Em :)**


	28. Chapter28 All Good Things Come To An End

**A/N Thank you for all your wonderful comments after the next chapter!**** I appreciate each and every one of them so much! A few words to calm you down, Derek and Gretchen – so NEVER going to happen. But Derek and Meredith won't be going through an easy time right now. This update is heartbreaking, beware…**

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Addison climbed the steps heaving a chart of her patient under her arm when she caught the sight of Derek Shepherd's hair moving fast at the top of the stairs. She frowned; if Derek's hair was at the hospital, it meant the rest of Derek Shepherd also had to be at the hospital. Only why? He was supposed to be enjoying birthday sex marathon at this very hour.

Addie quickly jumped the remaining steps to indeed meet Derek and Mark over the vending machine.

"Derek, what are you doing here?"

He turned to her with a chuckle, "Uhm, buying water?"

"No, I mean, what are you doing at the hospital?" she inquired insistently.

He exchanged a confused look with Mark. "Working?"

"Where's Meredith?" she asked relentlessly, ignoring her misgivings.

"She should be in her office, I haven't seen her since morning. Why?" it was Derek's turn to frown.

"Nope, she's not in her office," commented Mark leaning against the railing.

They all looked down at the lobby to see Meredith walking with a huge bouquet of flowers in the crook of her arm. She was apparently fast in conversation with a man that was accompanying her.

"Someone's stealing your woman, Shep," whistled Mark earning a smack on the head from Addison.

"It's that rich brat, that vet guy," muttered Derek under his breath, his hand tightly squashing the bottle of water. "What the hell is she doing with him?"

"They certainly look cozy," went on Mark ducking to avoid another of his girlfriend's shoves. But even Addison had to agree on the truth of his words, her and apparently everyone else in the lobby. Heads were turning towards the Chief and the man that was in such close quarters with her.

One of their pagers went off. "Damn it," spat Derek. "It's 911, and I have another craniotomy tonight…"

"Go, Derek. I'm sure they just have to talk business," said Addison soothingly. "I'll catch up with Meredith and tell her to call you."

"What does your friend think she's doing?" growled Mark after Derek ran off. "The two of them look like they mean business indeed."

"I don't understand it," shrugged Addison.

"Then better do. It's Derek's birthday and Grey's not playing nice," he grumbled.

Addie jogged down the stairs and caught Meredith when she was already near the exit.

"Meredith! Mr. Dandridge," she acknowledged his presence reluctantly and lowered her voice. "Where are you going? Why aren't you-"

"Finn's taking me to dinner," Meredith cut in halfway through the sentence.

"Wha- What's happened to your plans?" Addison tossed her hands to her sides.

"I changed them," shrugged Meredith.

"What about Sonoma? What about Derek's birthday?"

"I've already told you I changed my plans, now if you excuse us-"

"Mer!" Addie caught the sleeve of her coat. "If it's about that stupid dream, you're exaggerating, grossly!"

"It's not about the dream," Meredith was getting impatient. "We're in a hurry, Addie."

"Do you have any idea how it looks like?" asked Addison disbelievingly, studying her friend's face. What happened with her sister during the last few hours since they talked for the last time? She had been happy and excited and now she was cold.

"I don't care," snorted Meredith.

"Well, maybe you should because everyone else does and assumes you're screwing behind Derek's back… or into his face really. He's seen you too!"

"He did?" laughed Meredith. "I'm sorry, Addie. Our table's waiting."

She wrenched her hand from Addie's loosened grasp and nodded at Finn to go on. She didn't intend to give Addison a chance to talk her into some tearful conversation, heartbreaking explanations and all that crap. She was taking back the control over her life and nothing would stop her.

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Halfway through dinner she wasn't so sure of that. If she could explain her condition in more medical terms, she 'd say that the posttraumatic shock lessened a little, exacerbating the pain. Only this morning, she was with Derek, in his arms where she felt so safe. And now she was with Finn, who didn't even qualify as a substitute. He was sweet and caring but her heart ached more and more for Derek. And the stinging thought that it was the end of MerDer were just starting to sink in.

She plucked up the courage to look at Finn and said apologetically, "You know, maybe the dinner wasn't such a good idea, I don't tend to have a lot of them lately… My point is that I called you to help but… instead I put both of us in an uncomfortable position and… it feels like I'm using you-"

"Hey," he interrupted her. "Let's just eat okay? You're obviously having a hard time but for now you can forget about it all."

"I think I've been forgetting about everything for the past eight months," Meredith laughed bitterly. "About my issues, about my social unfitness, about the pain… But you can't forget about it. It comes crashing down with a tenfold force. And in answer to your question you're too gentle to ask, yes. It is about Derek Shepherd."

"I figured as much, both from your call and your conversation with your friend," he nodded with a sigh. "And I'm sorry."

"You were right, all the line," she shrugged.

"Looking at the pain in your eyes I wish I had been wrong all the line," Finn shook his head. "Are you sure I'm not?"

"I saw him kissing another woman," she stated bluntly. "What does that tell you?"

"That he's a damn fool," he replied strongly.

"I'm sorry, Finn," she said sincerely. "I really shouldn't have dragged you down here."

"Meredith, I told you I'd be there for you," he assured.

"I know and I appreciate that," she sighed. "But... I'll be frank with you. I exhausted my limits of trust. I… I don't see myself trusting another man in the near future, possibly ever."

"You trust me enough to talk to me," he smiled slightly. "And that's enough for me. I'm not a man you'd see yourself in a relationship with, I've come to terms with that. But we still can be friends. Admit it, we talk good."

"We do," she confirmed thoughtfully. "That's because you're not from the hospital and I'm not from your company."

"You see?" smiled slightly Finn.

Meredith sighed, her eyes returning to her food which she had absolutely no appetite to eat. However, she couldn't wallow in self-pity or play a melodramatic heartbroken lover. It didn't suit her. No man defined who she was and she was Meredith Grey, the chief of surgery. She had to eat, go to work, take care of herself as though nothing had happened, once again in her life. She needed to get over from falling into yet another pitfall in her life. But that of course didn't stand in contradiction with stabbing her steak viciously, imagining it was Gretchen's face.

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Thinking was clearly not a thing she could boast of today. As soon as she got out of Finn's car she realized Addison was probably waiting for her impatiently to demand explanations for her sudden irrational behavior. Derek might be there too, pretending to be an innocent lamb. And surely, once she went through the door, he was right there with annoyance clearly written on his face.

"Where have you been?" he asked possessively.

Meredith rolled her eyes. The man got nerve! He was kissing and doing God knows what else with Gretchen Miles behind her back and he had the audacity to play jealous when she didn't as much as hold Finn's hand.

"That's none of your business," she answered icily taking off her coat. When she turned her head she spotted Mark and Addison watching from the kitchen. Great, she had a full house tonight.

"Meredith, can you please tell me what is going on?" he demanded impatiently.

Without a word, Meredith grabbed one of the boxes Addison brought home to pack her stuff in and hurried upstairs.

Derek exchanged unknowing looks with Mark and Addison who stood rigidly in the kitchen, and followed her straight to her bedroom. His impatience vanished, however, replaced with cold fear as he realized what she was doing.

Meredith yanked wide open the closet and the drawers and was stuffing his clothes haphazardly into the box.

"Meredith, Meredith! What are you doing?" he asked feverishly, all blood draining from his face leaving it deathly pallid.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she snorted and disappeared into the bathroom. He didn't have to look to know what for. He heard the clicking of his cosmetics being thrown carelessly along with his clothes. Meredith glanced around careful not to overlook anything; she scooped together all his hair products, electric shaver and his aftershave… It suddenly felt so empty… She brushed off the feeling that was creeping up her heart. She wouldn't miss something that was a lie from the start.

Why did he play with her so cruelly? The answer was simple, she took his dream job. He felt humiliated, he wanted to pay back. What other way to do it was better than seducing her and then two-timing her? Plus, he got to fuck her any time he wished.

She returned to her room to find him leaning against the doorframe, his breathing shallow. He was a good actor but apparently he didn't realize how good of an actress she was.

"Meredith," he began again. "Please, can we sit down and talk? I don't know what's going on."

"I think I couldn't be any clearer as to what is going on," she replied finally and walked past him to the stairs.

He once again followed her through the house and his heart clenched painfully in his chest. She carried his things outside and held the door open for him, gesturing for him to leave the house.

"No way," he muttered out of breath. "You're not doing this, Meredith."

"You are in no position to tell me what to do or not to do," she went on. "Oh, and give me back my key before you see yourself out."

"No!" he protested forcefully. "No, do you hear me? No!"

"I'd be really grateful if you left my house without making unnecessary commotion, Dr. Shepherd," she sighed indifferently.

"What?" he started at her in shock, dread rising in the pit of his stomach. "What, are you… breaking up with me?" he cringed uttering the last words. "I don't understand any of this."

"You don't?" she snorted. "I think the reason's obvious but I can put in the words for you. I'm finally putting my foot down."

"On what?" he breathed out.

"Our little arrangement," she went on smoothly. "I let swell out of proportion something that was to be only about sex. It became uncomfortable to me, so it's time to end it." She was not going to give him the real reason, she would not be the humiliated one.

"Mer, I think we've established it a long time ago that's not only about sex," said Derek with panic in his voice.

"Right now, I can agree, it's not about sex anymore. It's not about anything because it no longer exists. You- _we_ broke the conditions of our deal. First, it was supposed to stay under the rag. Second, we were to keep it light. I've been making exceptions to humor you because I really enjoyed the sex. You were a good fuck but… all good things come to an end. I've got bored; I hate stagnation, which is why I'm asking you to give me back my key and leave my house."

"No, I won't let you do this. We need to talk…"

"Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" asked Addison. She and Mark were listening to every word from the kitchen.

"I explained everything profusely just a minute ago," laughed Meredith harshly. "The key, Dr. Shepherd!"

"No!" he refused to take part in whatever she was getting at. He couldn't comprehend why she was acting with the same cold indifference she presented while throwing him out of the house after their first night together. What an irony, they really made a full circle today, starting with the sex on the counter and ending with her telling him to leave again.

"Give me back the keys!" she repeated gritting her teeth.

"I don't think so," he folded his arms on his chest and stood fixedly, as though challenging her to make him listen to her orders.

"I'm not joking, I'm not asking," she informed him and stepped over towards the phone. "I'm telling you because it's my house where you're no longer welcome."

"I'm not going to set my foot outside until we talk," he insisted.

"We've already talked. Now I'm telling you to leave me the hell alone!"

"Not going to," he shook his head. "And you can't make me!" he knew he was being completely unreasonable, just as her.

"Maybe I can't," she admitted, "but the cops I'm about to call sure can."

"Right," he snorted.

"Right," she nodded and took the phone into her hands. "I'm giving you five seconds."

Seeing he was going to stand his ground, she dialed the number and waited.

"Mark," Addison pleaded her boyfriend with her eyes.

"Derek," he gripped his arm and pulled him towards the door. "You won't achieve anything by this."

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek shook his head stubbornly. He feared that if he was going to leave her house tonight she might never let him in again.

"Derek, she's really calling the cops, she's not joking," argued quietly Mark. "You'll have the time to talk when all the fever dies down."

"You don't want to spend the night in jail, trust me," muttered Mark and pushed him firmly towards the door.

"I don't care!" spat Derek.

"But I do," answered Mark and shoved him out closing the door behind them just as Meredith started to talk on the phone.

Addie wrenched the receiver from her hand. "Have you lost your mind?" she asked angrily. "Do you have any idea how much you've just hurt him?"

"No, I don't," Meredith shrugged off past Addison who was shaking her head disapprovingly. "And you're not my mother! Stop judging me!"

She stormed up the stairs and threw herself on the bed but didn't cry, not a single tear. Right now, the all-pervading emotion was blind rage, at Derek, at Gretchen, at everyone else that ever hurt her in her life. She clenched her teeth, closed her eyes and tried to breath evenly. She would get through this.

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"Tell me I'm dreaming," pleaded Derek weakly sitting in the passenger seat of Mark's car and staring into the dark space ahead. "Tell me it's just a sick dream."

Mark threw a worried glance at his best friend. In just half an hour he became a wreck of a man. He never saw Derek in a worst condition, not when he was passed over by Richard, not even when his father died. That was why Mark was driving him to his own apartment instead of the trailer in the woods.

"I just… I don't understand," sighed Derek. "Why did she say those things to me?"

"Women are not understandable in general," stated Mark noncommittally."That's how they work. They say one thing and do another…"

"Mark, please, turn back. I… I need to talk to her," Derek rubbed his face violently as though still wishing to wake up from this nightmare.

Mark shook his head. "Derek, you've already tried to talk to her. She didn't listen. She'll really send the cops at you if you show up on her doorstep tonight. That's the one thing you can be sure about her right now."

"I love her…" panted Derek, his voice cracking.

"I know, man," sighed Mark.

"God, she threw me out on the street," Derek went on masochistically. "She's afraid… She must be… Did you tell anyone about the ring?"

"No!" assured him Mark. "I swear, if she knows about it, it's not from me. But… I don't know. If she freaked out about the marriage thing, wouldn't she… wouldn't she just tell you that she won't marry your sorry ass or something?"

"What… what are you headed?" stammered Derek.

"Look, man…" began Mark heavily. "What if she… was honest?"

"Honest?"

"What if she was telling the truth?" probed Mark.

"About what?" Derek asked shrilly making Mark wince.

"You know, that she wanted to end the things, that… eh…"

"That is was just a good fuck but now she's bored?" laughed harshly Derek.

"Yeah, something about those lines…"

"I don't believe it! I'm not gonna believe it!" Derek refused even to consider the possibility. "It's bullshit, she's lying!"

"Derek, maybe you should-"

"I said no! We made love this morning and I can assure you she wasn't bored!" snorted Derek.

"Then she must be a good actress," commented Mark. "She either lied to you this morning or this evening. Take your pick."

Derek didn't answer, a lump growing in his throat preventing him. He had no idea what went wrong this day. It started so well, he woke up in Meredith's arms, he went fishing, he made love to her, he got the perfect ring… and now, now it seemed he might never have the occasion to give it to her, let alone hold her again.

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**A/N So basically Meredith is too stubborn and proud for her own good, and for Derek's. I hate to make him this disoriented and wounded but I'll make it up to him later.**

**Next update follows with the events of the next day after the breakup and will be posted sometime after the weekend. I don't want you to deal with heartbroken MerDer for too long so updates will be more often.**

**Comments?**

**Em :)**


	29. Chapter 29: Cry, Cry

**Hey, everyone! Lots and lots of thanks for all the reviews you've generously given me! **

**I'm keeping my promise of more frequent updates so…**

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Meredith sprinted towards the hospital entrance. She had spent an almost sleepless night, tossing and turning with annoyance. Her bed felt empty, too big and too cold without the reassuring weight of Derek's body. Still, she didn't shed a tear. If anything, she was angry that he made her get used to his presence… and his lies.

She couldn't help wondering what he was doing. Addison told her with evident reproach that he spent the night at Mark's. Why the hell was he holding his pretences? He could as well go to his whore.

And why the hell was he sitting on a bench near the door, all windswept and shivering from cold? Did he want to convince her with that tear some look of a lost puppy? Maybe Gretchen was a worse lay? she snorted inwardly. That went without saying.

He jumped up to his feet seeing her coming and got to her in two strides.

"Meredith?" he asked with urgency in his voice. "Can we, please, talk about what happened yesterday?"

"I think it's all said and done, Dr. Shepherd," she replied loftily.

"Meredith, love, you can't be serious," insisted Derek walking side by side.

"Do I look amused to you?" she snorted. "Because I'm not. At all."

He tightly gripped her arm holding her in place. "Why are you doing this?" he demanded.

She yanked herself from his grasp. "Stop making a scene!" she hissed glancing around with exasperation. People were openly staring at them. "I'll repeat it loud and clear once more and please bear it in mind; this thing between us, it's finished. It's done, finally. By the way, I can't believe your hypocrisy." She turned away biting on her tongue. She wasn't supposed to tell him anything. She was supposed to leave him with the conviction that she had used him and not the other way round.

Derek was paralyzed with the disgust he read in her regard; so much that he didn't protest further and let her storm off. Apparently, Meredith assumed he deserved that. Somehow it was his fault. Had he done something reproachable? Gretchen's face so close to him immediately appeared in his mind. He kissed her… Well, technically, _she_ kissed _him_, he didn't reciprocate. And there was no way Meredith knew. There was no one around except him and Gretchen when the whole incident occurred. It must have been about the ring then. He berated himself for being stupid; he didn't even know what she thought about the concept of marriage. That was idiotic on his part. What was more, he completely forgot that her parents had got divorced. She might not have embraced the idea of exchanging the vows as warmly as he would hope. Only was it a reason enough to break a relationship?

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"Hey, how are you holding up?" asked Addie joining Mark and Derek at their table during lunch.

"How's Meredith?" he shot, looking at her expectantly.

"I'm sorry, Derek," sighed Addison. "She seems good but she doesn't talk to me." She felt guilty almost wishing her best friend was heartbroken and drowning herself with tears. "She gives the impression of being… unconcerned."

"And… is she?" asked warily Mark.

Addison let herself ponder the question for a while, with her eyebrows set tightly and answered, "I'm not sure. She's unpredictable… and a liar like you wouldn't believe."

"I think I can," muttered Derek with bitterness. "But… if she was lying all this time, why would she hide the truth from you? You're the closest person she's got."

"Derek, I'll try to learn what's really going on," she promised him, "but… I don't want you living on a false hope…"

"It's not a false hope," he shook his head decidedly. "I'm not going to leave it like that. You asked me once if I had enough patience, and I do."

"Back then I thought Meredith was experiencing the love of her life. Right now, I just don't know," argued Addison. If she was to be completely frank with Derek, she'd have to admit she was more ready to believe Meredith did indeed nurse feelings for him, good feelings that was. However, for some reason unknown to her, she bolted back in panic to her shell of hostility. Why? Meredith was never in a relationship before, well, except Chace and even though she was doing so well for the past months, her emotional problems were much more deeply rooted than they thought, than Meredith thought herself. There couldn't have been another explanation for her behavior. Addison was convinced it wasn't because of anything Derek might have done. He loved Meredith in a big obvious stare-at-her-all-the-time way.

"You haven't noticed anything weird in the way she behaved?" asked Addison. "I mean, weird in Meredith categories."

Derek shrugged shaking his head. "Everything was perfect… Wait, except for that nightmare she had yesterday… I should have talked to her…" he trailed off raking his hair with frustration.

"Don't beat yourself up," threw in Mark. "Remember what your Mom always says? If it's meant to be, love will find a way."

"Wow," uttered Derek raising his eyebrows. "You really did a job on him, Addie."

She smiled and looked at Mark affectionately while Derek sighed and eyed at his untouched plate. He had a feeling he had a lonely night at the trailer with scotch as his only companion. The pain in his heart was taking on force; he hoped he was able to keep it under the surface until he could break down without any witnesses.

"I'm not really hungry," he muttered apologetically to his friends and stood up. "I… have this patient I need to check up on."

"He's seriously worrying me," sighed Mark pushing his fork away, his own appetite gone.

"How was he last night?" asked Addison concernedly.

"A mess. I don't know if he slept any at all. He either sat on the coach or paced around the flat keeping me awake," grumbled Mark. "What is wrong with your friend? Knew she was a tough bitch but I thought she was a reasonable one."

"If I only knew," she shrugged. "I guess I have to wait with the whole moving thing."

"You're staying at her house?"

"For all I know, she might be in extreme pain," explained Meredith. "I can't leave her now. She's my sister, no matter what. I need to watch over her."

"But you're not going to pull something like this, are you?" he asked suddenly apprehensive.

She smiled sadly. "If you don't give me a reason, then no, I won't."

"Are you suggesting that Derek gave her a reason to treat him like shit? He worships the ground she walks on."

"I'm not saying he did!" exclaimed Addison. "The fact is that we don't know what really happened and that is why we should refrain from judging and concentrate on supporting our friends!"

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"Derek looks worse for wear," commented Izzie with a frown, eyeing discreetly three friends sitting at the table nearby.

"Yeah," sighed Cristina while her eyes moved over the silhouette of Dr. Miles who appeared in the entrance to the cafeteria. "And the Horse looks like she hit the jackpot."

"She's a twit if she thinks she has any chance whatsoever with Derek," Izzie rolled her eyes.

"She's hot," cut in Alex. "Ouch!" he hissed as he didn't duck in time to avoid his girlfriend's hand making a hard contact with the back of his head.

"And you're disgusting!"

"You love it," quipped Alex.

"You know, I think they'll make up," she said perkily. "They care about each other."

"You don't know what they feel," dismissed her Cristina with a roll of her eyes. "And if you think you do, you're living in a dream world full of mushy secret feelings."

"It's better than living in a world of doom like you," Izzie answered back instantaneously. "I would have thought being with Owen might make you a little bit more sensitive about human emotions."

"Oh, don't throw Owen at me," snorted Cristina. "The fact that I'm with a guy now, doesn't change my worldview, and that is realism."

"It's not realism," Izzie shook her head. "It's pessimism. I look realistically and I can see that they love each other."

"Be that as it may," said stoically Cristina, "sometimes love isn't enough."

"I… realize that," Izzie swallowed heavily. "And it sucks… it seriously sucks… but just as often," she turned her head to look at Alex with a small smile and stated strongly, "just as often, love _is_ enough. And I really can't understand that when you have everything, literally everything, and you breathe, you're alive, and you throw it away, throw love away. It's just so wrong!"

"Geez, Izzie, why are you so hell-bent on seeing love everywhere? Why do you even care so much about what's between Grey and Shepherd? She's not your friend."

"Derek is our friend," shrugged Izzie. "And the Chief? She was starting to be our friend."

"That's actually a good description, "stating to be"," nodded Cristina.

"Yeah," chuckled Alex who kept at a safe distance from the two females' argument up to now. "Now she's the like public enemy number one."

"You mean the nurses furious at Grey for hurting their precious eye candy?" Cristina gave a somewhat suffused grin. "It's not like they can actually make her life harder. They know she won't have second thoughts letting them go. And there are dozens she could hire on their place."

"It's just sad," sighed Izzie into space.

"It's just life," shrugged Cristina and continued to chew her lunch indifferently.

"But Derek-"

"He knew what he was getting himself into, he played with fire," Cristina cut her mid-sentence. "This whole thing was meant to be a disaster from day one."

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Gretchen halted at the door to the lab and her lips arched in a satisfied smile as she silently contemplated her prey, currently hunched over a microscope. The recent events left her suddenly in a surprisingly favorable position. Meredith Grey facilitated her job considerably. She would have never thought the Chief would let Derek Shepherd out of her clutches just like that. He was definitely a keeper.

Gretchen shook her head making her hair fall naturally around her shoulders and strode resolutely across the room.

"Hey!" she greeted him, leaning back against the counter.

"Hey," he sighed in response not taking his eyes away from his task.

"So, I've heard…" she started gently, cautiously trailing off.

"Who hasn't," he muttered bitterly. Virtually all hospital was talking about his breakup with Meredith and he absolutely despised it. He couldn't stand his colleagues, the doctors, the nurses, their looks, either sympathetic and judgmental, and their tongues, their vicious tongues they used not even bothering to wait until he was out of earshot.

"You're not too fed up, right?" she went on lightly. "You've escaped pretty unscathed anyway."

"What?" Derek looked up at her with a frown as though she grew two heads. Did she seriously think he'd like to discuss his private affairs, pour his heart open, especially to her?

Apparently she did, as she followed her thought. "Don't get me wrong, Meredith Grey is an excellent physician, an experienced professional who makes this place blossom but… emotionally, she's a baby. A career at such a young age comes with a price-"

"Don't," he hissed in warning. "Don't talk to me about Meredith. You don't know her, you know nothing about her life and why she's whom she is, nothing at all. So don't talk to me about her."

"Derek, are you listening to yourself?" she snorted. "You're defending her? A woman who left you before the eyes of entire hospital?"

"It doesn't matter," he shook his head, folding his arms over his chest and casting his tired eyes down, a pained smile flashing across his face only to disappear momentarily like the flutter of a butterfly's wings.

Something in his regard, a glint, a light, caught her attention and she stared into his eyes like she never had before.

"I promised her," he continued gently and there was no doubt in her mind that he was reliving the moments he spent with Meredith Grey. "I promised to always be there for her, care for her, to always love her and… it's not going to change because she pushed me away. I love her, there's nothing in the world that can change it, even if I wanted. Do you understand?" he chuckled.

"I… I don't know," she confessed with wonder in her voice. She was always that person, that woman, who knew what she wanted and went for it, no matter what. She applied that same rule to men in her life. Free, with a girlfriend, with a wife or even a family waiting at home, that was irrelevant. Her and her partner's free will was always enough of a justification. Plus, she spent all her strength and resources on medicine, on devising new ways to save lives. She could have some fun in return, couldn't she?

And now, now she met Derek Shepherd, a gorgeous man she wanted to have since she laid her eyes on him, whereas he, he wasn't interested in her for one second. Even when he was free, even when he was humiliated by the woman he had been involved with… he still defended her, pledging his love and devotion. He was something else, or maybe just… love was something else?

"I'm sorry," she sighed. This time, she meant it.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith stood in front of the vending machine watching with undivided attention the unsteady trickle of coffee filling an ugly brown plastic cup. Not that it was an exceptionally fascinating phenomenon, she just couldn't entirely trust herself. She was afraid that someone might read her true feelings in her irises; the saying that eyes were windows to a man's soul certainly wasn't empty words. She held her head high, but the vulnerability caused by the greatest betrayal of trust in her life floated shallow under the surface.

That was also the reason why she preferred to fulfill her need for caffeine with the cheap bland liquid than make a trip to the cafeteria for a cup of a much better quality. Catching eyes of just a few people today, she realized her popularity hit rock bottom. It felt like she had just arrived at Seattle Grace for the first time, crashing head-on against the silent barrier of hostility. She didn't enjoy any respect then, while now she lost all she had managed to gain so painstakingly. But that wouldn't break her for she alone knew the truth and she wasn't going to reveal it. She came out as the stronger one; that was all that mattered.

She snatched the lithe container, marching off towards the elevators. She bit on her tongue not to curse out loud when she noticed who was already there waiting for the lift. She made a smooth swerve, taking a little detour to enter the staircase. Her effort was all for nothing though. His reactions to her proximity were almost instinctual, he would recognize her energy in the middle of the most crowded street in New York.

Without a millisecond of hesitation, he followed her, disregarding curious pairs of gawking eyes.

"However hard you choose to run away from me, you're not going to escape me," he said feverishly jumping up two steps at once to catch up with her.

"Sorry to crush your god complex but I'm not avoiding you," she lied effortlessly walking decidedly in the middle of the passage, making it impossible for him to take over and face her. "It's my hospital, I'm not bending before anyone."

"Now I really have to disagree, you bend just fine," he quipped but his natural flirtatious charm appeared somewhat deflated.

"Seriously?" she snorted with indignation. She'd love to fire him for sexual harassment but it wouldn't work given their recent whirlwind romance , the news of which raged through the hospital for two whole months.

"You can run away from me," he continued relentlessly at her heels. "You can avoid, fight me, send me to hell… but I'll still be here. I'm not going anywhere, Meredith. I'll be always waiting for you-"

His last words drowned as she found refuge in the confines of her office, almost running inside as quickly as the hot beverage in her hand allowed her to. She locked the door leading to Patricia's workplace, currently empty, and hid safely in her proper office. She placed the cup on her desk absentmindedly and sank on the carpet heavily. Her breath got deeper and deeper, and she struggled to keep it in control. In and out, in and out, steady. She wasn't going to hyperventilate but she could do nothing to prevent her vision from blurring suddenly. She felt the unpleasant tingling in her skull and her tear ducts threw her dignity out of the window, releasing two violent streams down her cheeks. She flinched at the coldness of the air on her wet neck.

Her fists clenched into hard balls. She would get through this. She was a force of nature, she was a force to be reckoned with. No man decided who she was, she was the master of her own fate. She would get through this… as soon as she could stop crying.

**********************************************************************************

**I know you all wanted a more optimistic update ****and one that fixes all this mess but… well, not so fast. I can tell you though that Meredith learns the truth in the next chapter… The question remains what is she going to do with that knowledge. One doctor leaves SGH and one doctor makes an appearance for the first time.**

**I hope you continue to enjoy despite the heartbreak.**

**Em :)**


	30. Chapter 30: Free Will Sacrifice

**A/N Thank you so much ****for ongoing interest, YOU ROCK! I'm insanely grateful to everyone who takes their time to read and review.**

**You may have noticed I've been naming chapters with song titles recently. I'm having a lot of fun with it because the songs I use are mostly those that I like and listen to. It's not exactly the case with this one. "Free Will Sacrifice" is metal and I've never heard it as I don't really enjoy that genre. However, when I came across the title on the net it fit instantly with this update.**

**Really hope you enjoy!**

**P.S. I involuntarily lied last time, not one doctor but four are leaving SGH.**

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With a cup of coffee in one hand and a very concise résumé of Seattle Grace's functioning over the last months in the other, Meredith leaned against the balustrade of the overpass looking out at the lobby. She stated with contentment that the results seemed pretty damn good. The hospital was in a great financial situation, the balance of patients saved was on the bright side, her workforce was rejuvenated… She studied the figures scrupulously. If she needed to introduce any improvements, it was really the last call. They were already halfway through December, a month before the publication of the newest hospital rankings and… a month after her relationship with Derek Shepherd ceased to exist.

By far, it was the most trying time during her stay in Seattle, more so, in her life. It was also the loneliest. She had been subjected to the feeling of abandonment for many years, but it never seemed as severe as now. Maybe it was like that because she learnt the taste of life in a relationship and therefore knew what she was missing. And she was missing a lot. Every day she woke up with the same dull ache in her chest, the place where her heart had been before Derek Shepherd ripped it out and trampled over. The passage of time didn't bring any solace, the pain was as acute as in the moment when her eyes caught the sight of Derek locked in a kiss with Gretchen Miles. She got accustomed to it, learned to breathe despite the pain oppressing her lungs, but it never lessened, never disappeared. Quite like Derek who was vigorously acting on his word.

Just as he promised, he didn't back out, he didn't gave up. She couldn't fathom why he persisted throwing her significant looks at any given occasion, talking to her on topics ranging from mundane to intimate and invading her personal space. All that was making her life under the banner of avoidance incredibly hard. By now she was a fulltime avoider, she evaded so many people it was making her head spin. First, there was Derek, of course; the fact she would never admit straight to his face.

Then there was Addison who was acting more like her guardian dog than a friend nowadays. Addie didn't yet move to her shiny shiny apartment and now her and Meredith were living like some odd couple in a freaking house of silence. Addie took Derek's side in the conflict and didn't hide it. Meredith was well aware that all it would take to change her mind was telling her best friend what she had witnessed. Why didn't she entrust this knowledge to her closest confidante? One reason was certainly the unwillingness to admit to anyone she was in fact the one screwed over, not Derek. The other, verbalizing what she felt seemed likely to double the amount of pain she went through. And she just craved to leave it all behind her, forget the unfortunate episode, as she arrived to call it in her mind.

And then there was Richard Webber trying to talk to her, Lexie Grey following her everywhere, Susan Grey… the list went on and on.

Speaking of going, Gretchen Miles just entered the lobby and started speaking to a nurse behind the counter. Meredith turned around and directed her steps to her office. She fought the vomit rising in her mouth every time she saw her. It was a real luck she was finally leaving, today. Her study was successful and as a result she was embarking on a tour around hospitals promoting the achievement of her team. At one time, there was a risk Derek might go with her but he adamantly refused, the decision proving both relief and torture. It would be unbearable to watch him ride into the sunset with Gretchen, but it was equally unbearable to see his face every day at hospital. Maybe if he disappeared from her daily life she would finally be able to get some closure?

She immersed herself in the work completely and wholeheartedly, body and soul, everything to get her mind off things. Although, the precious sacred work that was once the whole world for her, brought only minimal immediate reprieve. It didn't hurt to try, though, she thought as she perched herself behind her desk, especially only weeks apart from the great evaluation. That was the one thing left that brought the thrill down her spine, the competition, the need to fulfill the resolve she came to Seattle with.

The phone rang loudly bringing temporary liveliness to her still office basked in the pale winter sunrays. This feeble light was making her melancholic every now and then she lifted her head up from her work. Where did the summer disappear? The incredible summer with its humid heat and the warmth of Derek's bare body breathing heavily on the blanket sprawled on the grass in the vicinity of his trailer…

Meredith jumped up when she heard Patricia's voice in her office. Apparently, she got so lost in thought she didn't answer the phone and her secretary heaved herself to check on her personally.

"Chief?" she said gently.

"Oh, sorry," breathed Meredith. "Is it something important?" It was funny how Patricia never sent a judging look into her direction, ever.

"Dr. Grey from Boston is on the line," the older woman explained. "She absolutely insists on speaking with you."

"My… my mother?" Meredith asked with disbelief. She hadn't spoken to Ellis for… nearly half a year, since she unceremoniously told her to leave. Why the hell was she calling now? Did she know about Derek and wanted to once again gloat at being right about him?

"I'll get it," sighed Meredith. There was no point in putting off the confrontation with the mommy dearest, and besides that, she was genuinely curious.

"Meredith!" she heard Elli's apodictic voice. "Have you had any intention of calling me anytime soon?"

Meredith's jaw hang open and her hand faltered for a minute as she eyed the receiver with a frown. What was wrong in that situation, her, her mother or her hearing?

"I-" she started to answer but she was not granted the opportunity to pursue her thought.

"I guess you haven't," Ellis cut her across impatiently. "Are you coming to Boston?"

"What… why would I come to Boston?" she blurted out. There was probably something very grievous with her logic today, she had absolutely no idea what her mother was getting at.

There was a moment of silence after her question, followed with a frantic rustle and a completely unintelligible word from Ellis.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that," said Meredith.

"It's Christmas," barked out Ellis.

"Aaand?" demanded Meredith raising her eyebrows. Since when did her mother care about flimsy trivial occasions like Christmas?

"Aaand it's Christmas," mocked her Ellis.

"Seriously?" snorted Meredith. "You're telling me to go to Boston because it's Christmas?"

Again, she heard rustle and show but this time she could discern all but barely her mother talking to someone, which pretty much sounded like "I told you it was a bad idea."

What was going on? Did someone put Ellis up to do this? It couldn't be anyone else than Dorothy, her secretary, but the woman didn't hold that much of an influence over her.

"I can't leave Seattle, I can't abandon the hospital," Meredith stated soothingly directly into the receiver, making it sound as though the only reason she wouldn't visit her mother was the survival of Seattle Grace. Yay, she fulfilled the day's need for good deeds, caring for her mother's feelings, which she probably didn't even possess.

"You can't leave Seattle," repeated her mother crisply and became expectantly mute.

Meredith clenched her jaws. Did she seriously expect her to invite her to Seattle? No freaking way, she had to put her foot on that. No way she was asking the wicked witch from the east to barge into her life again, her very broken life.

"I'm sorry, Mom, I've got to go. It's a busy season for hospitals as you know so well yourself. Merry Christmas if we don't have a chance to talk again before the holiday." She shut the phone down not even waiting for her mother's response. She couldn't deal with everything falling on her head.

* * *

Meredith tapped her foot impatiently checking her pager with a frown for the hundredth time. Where the hell was George O'Malley? Ah, yes, she had a pretty good idea. According to the hospital gossip, he turned into a sex machine so he was probably rolling like mad with Callie Torres in some on-call room. Something was seriously wrong with this world if the sweet, gentle lamb like George O'Malley was getting more sex than her. Small correction, he was having sex, she wasn't getting any. She didn't have sex since that November morning in the kitchen of Derek's trailer. And she missed it, it was one of the many things she missed. Stupid boys with their stupid boy penises…

Stupid George O'Malley whom she wanted to carry important files for Derek to sign, the important files about the transfer of one of their residents who Gretchen agreed to take instead of Derek, the files that needed to be completed today, asap, and it looked as if she had to handle them to Derek in person. Damn it, sure Shepherd was the right person to meet when she felt sexually frustrated.

She made her way through the corridor energetically and entered his office. All her nerves went for nothing, he wasn't even there. It was tempting to leave the documents on his desk but it was rather urgent and she couldn't let them being forgotten between other papers. She was about to turn on her heel and walk out but something told her to stop. The place felt so like Derek. However strongly she resisted the feeling and suppressed it inside her soul, a deep longing pierced her heart at most unexpected occasions. Her battered heart didn't seem to care it was betrayed and humiliated, it had touched heaven in Derek's embrace, heaven on earth, and just couldn't let it go.

Her hand hesitated mid-air but finally rested on the headboard of Derek's swivel chair. Her fingers slowly traced the leather, the place where he rested his head against. The faint scent of his cologne lingered in the air. She took a deep breath, feeling both saddened and pathetic. She snorted, what other reason that two-timing her she had to find to move forward from Derek Shepherd? Why couldn't she just hate him on instant?

Suddenly, she heard footsteps shuffling just outside the door. Her head whipped around and she was able to make up the silhouettes of no other than Derek and… Dr. Miles through the blurry glass. What followed was certainly not one of her most brilliant moves. Before the door opened, she quickly fell to her knees, hunching her shoulders and head to make sure any part of her body wasn't sticking out from behind the large desk. She immediately cursed in her head at her stupidity. She could have swiftly explained her presence in his office by the need to sign the files… but now… imagine how weird it would look for her to crouch on the floor in her ex-boyfriend's office… Meredith prayed for something, anything, to save her.

She heard Derek and Gretchen walk in and then stop abruptly in the middle of the room.

"What's wrong?" asked Gretchen curiously.

"I…" he hesitated and went silent for a minute. "I could swear… I think I'm going crazy," he sighed and started to move. Meredith's heart beat faster as he got closer to her hideout. Luckily, he didn't walk around the desk, and sat on the edge instead.

"Why's that?" went on Gretchen.

"I just… I keep seeing her everywhere, I can smell her, as if she were here…" he confessed.

"Dr. Grey?" chuckled Gretchen. "She's not here, relax."

Meredith's fists clenched over the documents she was still holding. Were they going to fuck now? Right here, right now? In his office, the place he had had her so many times? Her breath hitched in her chest, she would die in a slow painful way if she was forced to witness this.

"I guess she's not," he nodded dejectedly.

"On the scale from one to ten, how bad is it?" Gretchen asked gently.

"Eh, nine, maybe eight and a half."

"After all this time?" she remarked with bewilderment. "She left you a month or so ago."

"The shock is mostly gone," he admitted. "It's just pain now, and the need to understand."

"It doesn't look like she's going to yield anytime soon. Maybe what you need is to wait for it to pass?"

"It won't pass, he stated firmly. "I… ah… I bought a ring… when we were still together… I was figuring it out how to propose…"

What??? Meredith was so shocked she was on the verge of screaming the expletive out loud. A ring? A proposal? She felt she was missing something important here… or was she taking part in some sort of a freak show? Because that would be the only plausible reason for Derek to be talking about her with his whore.

"Oh, I'm really sorry," she said sympathetically. "I'm continuously surprised with how strong you feel. By now, I'm pretty sure you belong to some kind of subspecies."

"Well, I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people out there who feel equally strong."

"It was a real pleasure to work with you," continued Gretchen. "And I want to apologize once again for how I acted towards you, the comments, trying to kiss you-"

Ha! Meredith exclaimed in her head. It wasn't just a figment of her imagination! Wait a minute, did she say _trying_ to kiss?

"That was a massive mistake," laughed Gretchen. "I've just realized recently that the look on your face must have been of disgust!"

"Well," he chuckled tiredly.

"Don't finish that sentence!" she faked indignation. "I am truly sorry for imposing myself on you. You were the first man who denied me, I learned my lesson."

"Apology accepted," replied Derek politely. "Thank you for sharing your trial with us."

"As I said, it was my pleasure, oh," she said feeling her pager buzz. "It's Michaels, we're almost packed, I've got to go check everything myself. You're going?"

"Yeah, there are some formalities I need to take care of, but I haven't got the papers from the Chief yet."

"Maybe there are already with my assistants?"

"Yeah, maybe, let's go."

They exited the office closing the door behind them, completely unaware of the presence of a third party who listened throughout all their conversation and whose world was falling into crumbles all over again, even before it had a chance to be rebuilt.

It couldn't be right… what she heard, it couldn't be the truth… She burst out in a loud uncontrollable laughter that shook her lithe frame violently. She was a victim of a great cosmic joke. One moment, the split second she had chosen to stand before the lab when she saw Derek and Gretchen consumed in a kiss, which it turned out now wasn't a real kiss at all, that exact second was the instant Gretchen chose to make a pass at Derek. How freaking funny was that?

Her amusement died on her lips as though cut with a knife. How unjust was that… She exhaled gruesomely. She ruined her own life, just in a split second, and she threw away her chance for a normal life. She could be happy now, maybe even… engaged. She jerked her head back desperately, hitting the hard wood of the desk. She didn't even feel the pain. It was so small, inconsiderate, incomparable to the one within.

* * *

Her poise, indifferent composure, was all back as she stood with Derek at her side and a couple of doctors around watching the retreating back of Gretchen and her team. She couldn't help her mind travelling back in time, three months prior to this moment. Everything was changed in the most surreal of ways. Three months later her life was turned upside down. She stood inches from Derek but they were like separated by a wall of an invincible fortress.

She didn't kid herself, she had the key to change that. That hope fluttered in her chest for milliseconds after she was left alone in Derek's office a few hours before. However, she dismissed the idea as fast as it appeared in her mind. Derek would probably take her back but she wasn't going to do a thing in that direction or change her behavior anyhow. In the long run, he was better off without her. She wasn't the woman of his life, she was a force of destruction wreaking havoc on her path. If he was hurting now, he'd stop eventually… to move on for something better. She would have to be "the better woman" here, or something. If she could only control her own life, let go of the pain, of regret…

**Flashback to five minutes earlier**

_Gretchen just __said her goodbyes to the Seattle Grace staff and turned to do the same with the Chief. Both women stepped aside from the commotion that was Gretchen's team bidding farewell to people they worked with for the past months. The hospital was seeing off one of their own residents so in the general clamour they were out of earshot._

_Gretchen reached out her right __hand and stated with a smile, "It's been a real pleasure to work here. It's one of the best hospitals I've ever seen. I hope there will be more occasions for further cooperation in the future."_

"_I doubt so," said Meredith dryly, briefly reciprocating the handshake._

_Gretchen frowned slightly her perfect eyebrows and uttered awkwardly, "I'm sorry?"_

_When Meredith was still laboring under the delusion Derek and Miles were a pair of diabolical lovers she spent hours and hours on end devising most vicious ways to get back at the woman. She could think of dozens of nasty things she could do to her but she never acted on those desires. The private vendetta never found its way out to the real world. The reason was simple, it would automatically reveal that she cared. That she cared for Derek and that she was deeply hurt by both of them. But now nothing was going to stop her from having the last word._

"_As long as it is for me to decide," took up Meredith calmly and clearly, her eyes boring into Gretchen's pitilessly, "you are never going to set your foot inside this hospital again, are we clear?"_

"_What… what are you talking about?" Gretchen's eyelids fluttered in misunderstanding._

"_Well, Dr. Miles," continued loftily Meredith, "I don't condone your work ethics, I don't like the way you carry yourself around. That is not the standards I want to convey to my interns and residents. I allowed this trial to continue and tolerated you utter disability to separate your private life from your work only for the sake of the hospital. I didn't want any scandal over our heads."_

"_My trial-" started Gretchen defensively but had no chance to follow._

"_Your trial is brilliant, I don't deny that," admitted Meredith. "You are a good doctor after all. However, you can win the Nobel Prize or come with a way to perform a surgery using only your willpower, I don't care. Seattle Grace is not the place you're going to test your ideas. Goodbye, don't bother to spend money on postcards."_

_Gretchen stood immobile for a minute before she gathered herself together, picked up her briefcase avoiding Meredith's gaze and made the sign to her subordinates that it was time to go._

**End of flashback**

Dr. Miles disappeared around the corridor and Meredith broke from the little gathering . As she reached the elevators, she noticed Derek was following her. She got on, Derek right behind her. As usual, he commenced his ritual, unceremoniously invading her personal space from behind.

"Stay the hell away from me," she spat out. Although, her voice took up a strangled tone this time. Ignoring Derek was way easier when she was convinced he was a cheating bastard and not an innocent loving man she harmed so carelessly. But she had to be strong for both of them, she had to keep up her hateful and repulsive pretences. It was for his own good.

"No," he refused huskily and his breath on her neck sent a shiver down her spine.

She swayed dangerously. It would be so easy to fall back, sliding against his warm welcoming body she didn't yet manage to forget. But she would eventually, that was the reason she was going two floors higher than usual. Instead of succumbing into temptation, she took a step forward away from him.

The elevator came to a halt and she stepped sideways to let him pass.

"You're not coming?" he asked stopping at the door seeing no motion on her part.

"Does it look like I'm coming?" she snapped. "Get out of the way, I'm in a hurry."

Before the door closed she chanced a look at him, a real look at him, not a hasty glance in his direction while figuring the best way to keep the spatial distance between them. She truly looked at him and it didn't improve her spirits. He was still handsome, of course, but he seemed thinner and his eyes hollow. She swallowed with difficulty, she brought this on him.

She exited the elevator several seconds later and crossed the corridor determinately. Her mother never thought highly about this kind of help; to tell the truth, she didn't either. But she was at an impasse, she couldn't bottle everything up inside any longer. She needed help from someone who had to be neutral and discreet, who wouldn't meddle into her life directly.

She pushed one of the doors open with a quick knock beforehand.

"I'm sorry, it's past the appointment time," informed her a warm throaty voice belonging to a woman working at her desk.

"Then I think you'll have to prolong your appointment time, Dr. Wyatt," replied Meredith arrogantly and sat down in the middle of the coach, crossing her legs.

The older woman raised her eyebrows and turned to face her, studying her from under her glasses.

"Dr. Grey," she stated, stifling her curiosity that was so much out of place right now.

"I need you to convince me," announced clearly Meredith, looking her straight in the eye. "I need you to convince me that I didn't make what I feel was the biggest mistake of my life. I need you to convince me it _wasn't_ the biggest mistake of my life. I need you to talk me out of this. I want to be me again, I don't want to care anymore. Talk me out of this, 'cause that's what you're paid for, right?"

Dr. Wyatt took her glasses and nodded slowly. She got herself one hell of a case.

"And if even one word out of this conversation leaks outside I'm going to sue you into the next century," gritted Meredith.

Yup, thought the older woman, she was going to have her hands full.

* * *

**A/N Yeah, MerDer are still not reunited but it's going to happen, so don't worry. ****Something big big big will bring them together.**

**Meanwhile****, in the next update Christmas is just around the corner, Derek gets his mojo back and Seattle Gracers set up a conspiracy. ;)**

**Waiting for your comments as always!**

**Have a fab weekend,**

**Em ;)**

**P.S. What do you think about Mercy Westers? (No, I'm not brining them to my fic!) I'm just curious, because sometime into the last epi I discovered to my utmost horror that they don't bother me so much anymore… I feel like a lameass traitor… **


	31. Chapter 31: Never Want To Say It's Love

**A/N So I'm starting as usual with huge huge thanks! You absolutely rock**** and your comments make my day!**

**I hope this update doesn't disappoint you either!**

* * *

Meredith sat listlessly on the leather couch, her arms folded defensively, her body taut, her lips pressed into a thin line, and she stared. She waged a real battle of stares. She had to admit Dr. Wyatt was a pretty good starer, but so was she.

"You know, I get paid for that," Dr. Wyatt's amused voice broke the silence. "It's become a really comfortable job lately. I come here, sit back in this chair, relax in silence, and I get money for that. You, however, are wasting your time."

"I told you what was wrong," bit back Meredith. "Now, fix me."

"Why are you here?" asked Dr. Wyatt propping her head on her hand.

"So you can fix me."

"Why are you here?" she repeated the question insistently.

Meredith let out an impatient huff. "I told you the first day what I'm here for. A week later, countless sessions later, and there's still no progress."

"Oh, you mean that little speech about me convincing you that breaking up with Derek wasn't the biggest mistake of your life?" asked the older woman. "That's a load of crap."

Meredith's mouth went slightly agape, she would never use that language in front of a patient.

"It is not," she denied, her tone considerably feebler than before.

"It is," nodded Dr. Wyatt.

"It is not."

"It is."

"It is not!" Meredith gritted every word, her temper rising again. "He's everywhere, in the parking lot, in the elevator, in the OR, in the cafeteria… He's everywhere and he doesn't let me breathe! I want to forget about him and stop thinking about him thrusting his tongue into my mouth every time I see him!" she yelled out, breathing heavily.

"Now, that's a start," Dr. Wyatt gave her an enthusiastic smile. "But it's still a load of crap."

"Wha-" Meredith shook her head.

"If you think you came here because you want to move on from Derek, to treat it like just any other misfortune in your life, you're making a mistake, or you're tricking yourself," said Dr. Wyatt seriously.

"How so?" frowned Meredith.

"That is for you to find out, only you can realize it. You won't be able to move on if you don't."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," exclaimed Meredith impatiently getting to her feet. "People break up all the time, they move on, they meet new people!"

"Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't."

"And I'm the one who doesn't?" she snorted.

"I didn't say that," answered gently Dr. Wyatt. "I said it's for you to find out. And that's why I'm giving you homework today."

"I'm sorry, what? A homework?" Meredith arched her eyebrows.

"Yes, before our next meeting, I want you to think what you feel for Derek. _All_ that you feel for Derek," Dr. Wyatt repeated seeing her patient's urge to protest. "Think about it, one emotion doesn't exclude another. Two contradicting emotions don't exclude one another. Just think about it. And don't run away from him, don't avoid him. Confront him, see what you feel when you're close to him."

"I know what I feel," sighed Meredith with a pained expression. "Can't you just tell me why you think I'm making a mistake or lying to myself?"

"No," replied the psychiatrist blatantly. "But I can give you hints. You told me you didn't want to make up with Derek. That you would end up hurting him eventually and you were "a better woman" than that."

"That's right," nodded Meredith.

"Yet you're still in a surprising amount of pain."

"That's why I'm here," Meredith took up eagerly. "To alleviate it."

"No, you don't know why you're here. Once you tell me about moving on, then about alleviating the pain."

"Isn't it like… one and the same?" Meredith dropped back onto the coach.

"No, and you'll see that too when you come to accept certain truths. It's right in front of you, staring at your face. A lovesick teenager would pick it up in an instant."

"Well, I never was a lovesick teenager," shrugged Meredith. "All I ever was is emotionally crippled person."

Dr. Wyatt cocked her head. "Why do you think so?"

"Because… because of my mother… Look, do we really have to talk about this? Can we concentrate on my former dirty affair? I know it's much more juicy and interesting to you."

"Oh, it is," agreed the older doctor. "Only it's not your only problem."

"Don't I know it," mumbled Meredith rubbing her temples. "I have mommy issues, daddy issues, step-mommy issues, half-"

"Okay, okay!" Dr. Wyatt raised her hands. "I got it, we'll take it one step at a time. Just one last question for today and we're finishing."

"Okay," Meredith sighed deeply. Today's torture was almost over.

"The holidays are coming next week, how are you going to spend them?"

Meredith simply stared at her.

"Do you enjoy holidays? Do you like Christmas?" probed Dr. Wyatt.

"Seriously? How old do you think I am?"

"I'm trying to establish that," joked Dr. Wyatt.

"Holidays are family events," said Meredith casting her eyes down. "I've never had a proper family, holidays are just… like any other day, except the increasing amount of incoming trauma."

"So you don't celebrate them?"

"I didn't, till I met Addie. It's been the two of us since we become friends, sisters, but this year… I don't know. She has Mark."

"And you don't like Mark? You don't want him to join you?"

"God, that's not the problem! I'm not that much of an egoistic bitch!" huffed Meredith. "Mark is Derek's best friend, his only family in Seattle for all I know! So, no, I have no idea how it will all turn out. I haven't given much thought to that. I'm busy, the ranking of teaching hospitals is coming out in less than a month!"

"Oh, how do you feel about that?" took up Dr. Wyatt. "Overstressed? Excited?"

"The Christmas question was supposed to be the last one for today," reminded Meredith tapping at her watch. "I have my hospital to attend to, there's only so much time I can secure for myself."

"And when you were with Derek, did you sacrifice so much of your time for work, as well?"

"I said the last question!" barked out Meredith irritably and sprang from the couch to the door.

An amused "See you tomorrow!" caught her at the door. Speaking of intensive care!

* * *

"There's something…" trailed off Derek shaking his head pensively over his unfinished cup of coffee. "She doesn't look good. Apart from being as glorious and beautiful as ever, she looks tired. What's going on? Addie?" he asked with concern, having studied carefully Meredith's form from their table as she was buying coffee at the cart. His eyes worshipped over her body but this time, he noticed with inquietude that she must have lost weight and she had barely visible rings under her eyes.

"I hardly see her at home," replied Addison seriously. "She practically lives at the hospital. I can only assume it's down to the rankings' time."

"You can only assume?" asked Derek, completely baffled.

"I think I was too harsh on her," she sighed. "And now she doesn't tell my anything important. She disappears for hours daily and I can't find her. I tried to set up O'Malley but he didn't have a clue either."

"You don't think… she has someone?" he managed to utter; she was similarly sneaky at the beginning of their relationship. "That Dandridge guy? The vet?"

"I… don't think so, I haven't seen or heard about him."

"And you heard about me when we were keeping our relationship low? No, I didn't think so," said Derek. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't pushed her. We'd be lying to everyone but at least we'd be together."

"You can't know that, man," spoke up Mark. "You don't even know why you're broken up- Shit, she's coming here," he hissed under his breath.

"She's what?" Derek's head whipped around. Indeed, Meredith was striding towards them purposefully, maneuvering between tables, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Good morning," she greeted them indifferently.

"You wanna sit down?" asked Addison looking around for a free chair while Derek and Mark got to their feet.

"No," she said dryly. "Since O'Malley is trashing somewhere around with Torres, I'm figuring the next week's schedule by myself."

As she informed Dr. Wyatt, she wasn't an egoistic bitch. Addie got her man, she should spend the holidays with him, and without towing her uncomfortably behind her. Mark and Derek came in a set, spending Christmas together for sure. Meredith didn't want to spoil it for them. And Dr. Wyatt ordered her not to avoid Derek, so, here she was, talking to her friend in front of him. Probably not exactly what her shrink had in my mind but she couldn't blame her for not trying, right?

"I've been meaning to ask you the exact same thing," said Addison, deciding not to mention the awkwardness that slipped into their lives lately. "We need to work around to get some free time together."

"Just think what works best for you," interrupted Meredith. "I'll be working."

"Oh, come on, Mer. It's not like we usually have Christmas parties," argued Addison. "I believe you'll find time for a toast at home."

"I might actually be staying at Archfield for the next couple of days. I can't let anything slip through my fingers right now." It was some major avoiding but it would be better for all of them.

"You're kidding me, right?" Addison looked at her with wide eyes.

"You honestly want to spend Christmas at a hotel… Chief?" Mark added her title respectfully under her steely regard. "Even I don't do that."

"Well, I don't care what you do," bit back Meredith crossing her arms.

"We go to New York every other year, to see Derek's family, you know," Mark went on as though uninterrupted. "I have a deal with Dr. Peters and we cover each other's shifts alternately. And Derek-"

"I can cover Dr. Shepherd's shift," offered Meredith quickly. "I'll be at the hospital anyway." _Please, God, do me this favour, this… Christmas present and make Derek go away from Grace, let me live without him…_

Apparently, she was a bad girl who didn't deserve any presents…

"No!" protested firmly Derek, daring to speak for the first time since she arrived. "We're not going to New York this year." He was not leaving Seattle alive if he could help it. He was sure Meredith didn't offer to follow his cases out of her generosity or the need to do something nice for him. She wanted to get rid of him. What for? He was even afraid to suspect the possible causes but he wasn't going to play along. She was his, maybe against all odds, against her own will, but she was his, exclusively.

"Second time in a row…" sighed Mark.

"Do whatever you want!" snapped Meredith not bothering to look at Derek and made to walk away. "And talk with O'Malley."

"What… was that?" muttered Derek, watching her back disappear out of the canteen.

"Looked like running hot and cold around you," commented Mark with a shake of his head.

"You think?" asked Derek. He remembered Richard's words from the intern mixer: _"She's hot and cold but the truth is she would never want to let you go."_

"Is she really going to spend the holidays at the hotel?" Mark repeated his question. "That's just… wrong."

"If she said she would, wild horses won't stop her," Addison let out a tired sigh, rubbing her temples distractedly. "Can't believe she's going that far to avoid-"

"Me," Derek finished for her simply. "I don't want her to be alone at this time, she's always alone. Make her have dinner with you and Mark, I'll stay away."

"No freaking way," Mark disagreed firmly.

"She won't go for it, Derek," stated knowingly Addison. "She'll think we're setting her up. We'd have to kidnap her or something."

"Let's do that," smiled Derek.

"I was being ironic," Addison rolled her eyes.

"And I was being metaphorical," quipped Derek. "If Mohammed will not go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammed."

"Whatever you have in mind, I don't like the sound of it already," frowned Mark eyeing his best friend suspiciously.

"Why don't we have Christmas dinner here, at Grace, instead of that fifteen-minute semi-formal gathering we endure every year. Let's be honest, there are a lot of lonely people here that don't have family to go back to."

"How do you want to pull this off exactly? Grey won't even hear about it. It would make her spend Christmas with you, and sorry, man, she doesn't look eager to do it."

"She doesn't have to know about it," shrugged Derek, self-satisfied with his own ingenuity.

"I think she has, Derek," nodded Addison. "Being the Chief and all that, remember?"

"We can work around her," argued Derek enthusiastically. "Oh, come on!"

Addison and Mark exchanged uneasy glances. They just couldn't say no to their friend. He was making… puppy eyes, he was actually making puppy eyes at them. Maybe it was time to shake the things up a bit. It was difficult for them to sit and watch Meredith and Derek in misery, it was difficult for them to be happy beside their friends. Maybe it was time for action.

"Okay!" Addison raised her hands in defeat.

"Let the Operation Grinch being," chuckled Mark.

* * *

With the energy of a man on mission, Derek crossed the corridor and located his target. If they wanted to make their plan work, they needed help. Managing to produce the most charming smile in the world, he stood gently behind Miranda Bailey. He didn't have to wait long for a reaction.

"You're sucking up my oxygen," she drawled.

"I'm just reading the OR board," he quipped.

She rolled her eyes and moved away to get herself busy with her occupations. Derek followed her at her heels.

"What? Am I a walking human OR board now?" she asked sarcastically.

"You know, I should have get used to that sparkling sense of humor of yours, but after all these years, it still comes a surprise," he cracked a joke.

"Oh, you want something, Shepherd!" she turned to him with a wry smile and poked him with her index finger. "What is it, that thing that you want? I'm all ears."

Derek halted before her with his mouth slightly open at her blatant question.

"I'm listening," she coaxed him. "I haven't got all day to lean around and look pretty."

"It's kind of a delicate matter," started Derek.

"I'm not getting involved if you injured your penis again," she said, deadpanned.

Derek shook his head disbelievingly. "Funny, you're a funny woman. And no, it's not about my penis."

"I'm waiting," she tapped her foot impatiently.

"So, we need a little support, a little back-up with organizing Christmas dinner, here, at Grace."

She arched one of her eyebrows, "Do I work in administration? Human resources? Entertainment business? I'm not the Chief, I'm not the Chief Deputy, I'm not even the chief resident any longer."

"And that just might come in handy," assured Derek with a grin that would sweep any other woman off her feet. Not Miranda Bailey, though. "You see, it would be great if the Chief didn't hear about any of this. She's not a fan of holidays."

"Oh, it is about your penis after all."

"A… it is not!" he stuttered.

"Look me straight in the eye and tell me it doesn't have any covert reasons pertaining to Meredith Grey."

Derek sighed in defeat, hanging his head down and shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

"That's what I thought," Miranda nodded her head. "Haven't you done enough?"

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"What I mean is that she's been through enough with you," she remarked.

"Excuse me?" he snorted. "I didn't do anything."

"Didn't you? Is that why she's looked like a wounded animal for over a month now?"

"What?"

"You heard me, what did you do to her?" inquired Bailey.

"I didn't do anything," he repeated. "I left for work one morning, and in the evening I learnt that we were already history. I overanalyzed every second we spent together, and no, I don't see what I did."

His determination and his pain shining clearly in his eyes seemed to finally convince her.

"What is it about this Christmas dinner?" she acquiesced. "Talk fast."

"Look, Meredith normally spends the holidays with Addison but this year, Addison's with Mark, and she doesn't want to risk-"

"Being trapped with you," offered for him Bailey.

"Yeah," he confirmed dejectedly. "Even if we're not together, I don't want her to be alone on a day like this."

"And how do I come into the equation?" she inquired.

"Obviously, I won't be able to pull it off behind her back just with Mark and Addie. And you're… Dr. Bailey," he flashed her another dashing smile.

"Don't grit your teeth at me, it doesn't work on me."

"Doesn't work on anyone," he grumbled quietly.

"You're such an idiot," Miranda shook her head.

"Oh, thank you. Is it the Abuse-Shepherd Day or what?" he huffed.

"That girl loves you, it's clear as day," she blurted out.

"Is it really? Where should I have seen that? When she glowers at me? Or calls me names?" His heart beat faster suddenly in the desperate need to hear Bailey speak that Meredith loved him, to hear her give arguments to back it up.

"You know," said patiently the short woman. "At this hospital everyone looks at everyone, everyone watches everyone, and gossips, but hardly anyone really sees."

"What do you see, Dr. Bailey?" he asked her with hope rushing through him.

"That she's in love with your moussed-up head like crazy and the pain kills her every day all over again."

He was left temporarily speechless and he brought a hand to his face absent-mindedly trying to wrap his mind around it. Bailey was… Dr. Bailey. She saw things, she knew things. All his hopes relied now on what she knew.

"Then why-"

"Now, I'm not a seer!" ranted Bailey. "I've had to stick my nose into your dirty business too many times anyway. Do something right yourselves for a change."

"The dinner-"

"Derek, you really overestimate my abilities on this," she shook her head. "Of course, I can help. I can buy a Christmas pudding as I can't make one myself. Or… or I can bring decorations my son is doing in the kindergarten. But that's about it. You really want to do it, you have to talk to him." She pointed sideways with her head.

"O'Malley," he breathed out.

"Yes, O'Malley," she nodded energetically.

"I kind of… hoped we could do without him," he scrunched his face.

"Some say hope is the mother of fools. Let me get this straight, you cannot do it without the knowledge of both, the Chief and Deputy Chief. O'Malley is her eyes and ears. If you want to keep something quiet, _he _needs to keep it quiet."

"He hates me," Derek threw his hands down in frustration.

"Is this a high school?" she asked sarcastically.

"He hates me," he went on. "And he has a crush on Meredith."

"He had a crush on her," corrected him Bailey. "He's over that. Now, he's just a loyal friend that cares for her."

"He's not going to listen to _me_," argued Derek looking at Miranda expectantly. "He thinks I hurt her."

"Fine," she sighed dramatically. "I'll talk to him. He will damn listen to his former boss."

"Thank you," smiled Derek.

"Don't thank me," she waved her dismissal. "But you owe me."

* * *

Several hours later when Derek was waiting for his elevator, the smile was still on his face. With a flawless skill, Miranda managed to pull George to the dark side, that was got him on the Operation Grinch.

The lift arrived, the door opened. He smiled widely and shook his head with a chuckle. He was in sheer luck today. And he could tell that the lone passenger didn't share that perky opinion as she scowled at him, squinting her emerald eyes.

Indeed, right now, Meredith started to wonder if Derek Shepherd was stalking her. Only recently did she read in a newspaper about a woman stalked by some weirdo who followed her everywhere, rummaged through her trash and finally, broke into her house when she was out and stole her underwear. Her mind went slightly astray… Derek and her underwear… That was a good combination, especially if he was taking it off her. Wait! Did she just really think that? Hell, she had to be desperate. The sexual starvation was getting to her. Maybe she should invest into a vibrator? Nope, no artificial toy would ever make up for his… thing.

He was driving her crazy, he was invading all her senses and her mind. His scent wafted up to her nostrils as he slipped inside past her, the mixture of his cologne, antibacteriant and something inherently Derek's. Feigning hatred when in fact all she felt was all-consuming longing for him was hard, was exhausting, was soul-ripping. Her eyelids drooped a little and her head followed him like the needle of a magnet. She quickly shook her head out of the lusty trance and willed her eyes to look straight ahead, at the steel door. However, she couldn't help noticing his chirpy disposition.

Meredith was startled; he didn't looked that optimistic in a long time. She cringed, she felt flutters in her stomach and she had trouble swallowing just like when a plane was taking off. Did he already move on from her? Did he regain the peace of mind? Was there… someone new in his life? She tried to muster happiness for him. She gave up on him, she had no right going all gardener's dog on him. If only she knew for sure. The uncertainty was killing her.

"What are you so happy about?" she fired at him.

He was silent for a minute, probably surprised at her speaking to him unprompted, shocked was probably the better word.

"I'm… excited about Christmas," he answered lightly, cocking his head at her intently.

"Decided to go to New York after all?" she asked to cover her relief. Despite her best intentions, a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders. There was no one else for him.

"No. Decided to abandon that ridiculous idea to spend Christmas at a hotel?"

"No-" she bit her lip to stop herself. What was she doing having a conversation with him? Allowing him to use that flirty voice against her? "Why the hell are you asking?"

"Why are you?" he quipped.

"I'm your boss," she hissed. "You-"

"Don't finish, I know," he said smugly, "I work under you, or well, I used to."

"God, I wished you'd just go away somewhere!"

"Like where? We're in an elevator," he chuckled, pushing her buttons.

"Smartass," she mumbled under her breath.

"Are you talking about my ass?" he asked with mock astonishment.

She let out a deep frustrated sigh, feeling the temperature rise dangerously. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, this elevator couldn't go any slower.

"And now you're thinking about my ass…" he went on, his voice turning low and husky.

Great, he was talking dirty to her. So not fair.

Mercifully, they reached the ground floor and Meredith stumbled outside reclaiming her cool head somehow.

She turned back to him abruptly with the most furious expression she was able to put on and growled. "No, I'm not thinking about your ass! You have some problem with that part of your body, go to urologist!"

Damn, Derek watched her march away with a sigh. He thought he was getting somewhere in that elevator. His eyeballs got stuck at the level of her swaying hips. _He_ was definitely thinking about _her_ ass.

* * *

**A/N**** Meredith's a piece of work but you're still with me right? Derek is surely the most patient man in Seattle. I can promise she stops being so abusive towards him in the next chapter which follows with Christmas dinner. Prepare yourself for extreme cheesiness as I'll be actively using my favorite Christmas song (really couldn't stop myself). **

**Em ;)**

**P.S. Thank you for sharing your views about Mercy West people. So relieved I'm not alone. I hear Meredith is back in this Thursday's epi and I can't wait.**


	32. Chapter 32: Last Christmas

"You're not done!" stated firmly Dr. Wyatt closing the folder on her knees.

"I know I'm not," snorted Meredith. "But with the amount of progress I've done, which equals zero, I'm not sure I'll be done in the next twenty years. So what's the point in me coming here every day? Just to raise my blood pressure?"

"You've made no progress because you're running in circles," went on the older woman. "You're avoiding facing the truth!"

Meredith shook her head silently.

"Yes, you are!" repeated Dr. Wyatt. "Because subconsciously you're aware it's going to be more painful."

"More painful?" she snorted. "Not possible."

"I assure it's possible," nodded Dr. Wyatt. "We'll get back to that. Now, another question. Where are you headed after work? Are you even going to finish work today?"

"I'm headed to The Archfield, as you're well aware of," Meredith gritted through her clenched teeth.

"You're leaving Addie, your sister, alone, at Christmas?" Dr. Wyatt squinted at her.

"She's not going to be alone!" argued Meredith. "She's got Mark, and Derek will be there too, I'm sure."

"Don't you think she wants you there? According to you, you're the closest family for each other."

"Are you trying to send me on a guilt trip?" exclaimed Meredith. "It won't work. I'm doing this for Addison."

"Oh, you're sacrificing yourself for Addison? Just like you're sacrificing yourself for Derek?" asked Dr. Wyatt with irony insinuating itself into her voice. "What a bullshit!"

Meredith opened her mouth, speechless, her chest heaving deeply.

"You're really good at that," commented Dr. Wyatt, shaking her head.

"At what?"

"Autosuggestion. You talk yourself into believing in something that helps to avoid coping with your emotions. You repeat it over and over again, it becomes your mantra. And you convince yourself it's true even if all the evidence to the contrary is screaming into your face. Or… do you?" her regard pierced through Meredith. "Do you really believe it?"

Wordlessly, Meredith turned her head from the riddled face of Dr. Wyatt and stared absent-mindedly at the fish tank on the small table near the window. The water hardly let any light, it was as murky as her world.

* * *

That conversation with Dr. Wyatt was yesterday, the Christmas Eve. Today was the Christmas Day and as such she had no appointment to attend to. She realized with bewilderment that she_ almost _missed it. The verbal and intellectual sparring with the older doctor provided some much welcome relief to her secret feelings she couldn't confront otherwise.

She leisurely crossed the small distance between the hotel where she had checked in last night and the hospital. Her eyes glided over the laughing faces all around. There was something special about Christmas, even she couldn't deny it. There was something unique in the air, something unique yet recurring every year. Christmas, it made you want to be with the people you loved. Yet, she couldn't.

She wasn't the only one, she thought with a sad smile. Over the years, she learnt to fish out other hopeless cases from the crowd. It wasn't really that difficult. Those people, they were easy to read. They didn't look at their surroundings, avoiding the sight of happy families passing by. Yet, their eyes travelled back inadvertently as it was too enticing of a view. For a few seconds, one could even imagine themselves in their place. Just as fast, the image vanished and the reality sank in. And the lonely little people scurried away, pretending they didn't have a care in the world.

With a resigned sigh, she entered Seattle Grace. Now, here the contrasts were even more clear cut. Some were overjoyed to end their treatment in time to celebrate with their loved ones. Families of sick people were reunited while others, others were torn apart in grief.

She get off the elevator on her floor and stopped abruptly having made a few steps ahead. Her forehead creased in a frown as she scanned the lobby. There was something off. There was definitely something off but she couldn't put her finger on it.

Lexie whizzed past in front of her, making her snort. Her doe-eyed half-sister was wearing a red Santa Claus hat with a white fluffy pompom on the end. Meredith hoped she wasn't going to pester her again to join the Greys at the family dinner. Where did she get the idea that Meredith would like to come? But if she wanted to wear silly hats, she wasn't the one to stop her. It might even make the hospital look more warm and friendly for patients.

Something else caught her attention. A little group of doctors were standing around the counter and laughing wholeheartedly, a bit too eagerly for Meredith's judgment, at Derek who was cracking a joke. She had a nose for liars, bad liars especially. She saw them shuffling on their feet trying to strike an innocent pose. Most of them were wearing formal clothes under their lab coats instead of the usual comfortable scrubs.

" 'Morning," she greeted walking by, wondering what were they up to.

Everyone reciprocated with quiet greetings, only Derek grinned widely and wished her cheerfully, "Merry Christmas!"

She quirked her eyebrow quizzically only to scowl down at him, "It will be merry when I cut some skull open."

"Phew, we're safe!" Izzie let out a sigh of relief and giggled when their Chief proceeded on to her office. She placed the dinner menu she was hiding behind her back on the counter.

"She'll be after our heads," grumbled Mark. "She hates it already even if she doesn't have a clue what's going on."

"She's going to skin me alive," muttered George trying to act cool and collected though a hint of panic was noticeable in his voice. "Who allowed this crazy idea to come to life? George. Whose fault will it be? George's-"

"Stop whining, George!" berated him Izzie. "It's gonna be great! We just need to be extra careful, that's it."

"And how do you want to sneak the caterers into the hospital, huh?" he asked sarcastically. "Under the crash carts?"

"Hey! Hey! You're bickering on a day of joy like this?" Miranda put them into place. "You've heard Dr. Grey. She said she wanted to cut so you should give her just that. There's a trauma requiring neurological assessment, page her! Keep her in the OR."

* * *

As Meredith disposed of the latex gloves and moved to the sink outside the OR room, she thought she was right telling Dr. Wyatt once that Christmas was a normal day for her except the invasion of trauma. Although, today was even more intense than the usual festive avalanche of household accidents. It was barely past midday and she had already performed two surgeries and given three consults. Neuro department seemed to be bursting. If she was paged all the time, Derek was probably even more busier.

Or… he wasn't, as she discovered walking through the ward hosting post-surgery patients. Apparently, Dr. Shepherd was in no hurry, nor had he been, seeing as he was wearing a button down shirt and a tie, the button down shirt she liked so much, the one he wore for the intern mixer…

She crept silently and halted behind him, Mark Sloan and George O'Malley, who were all chatting up lightly, laughing occasionally.

"Having holiday fun?" she asked with false sweetness, her arms folded across her chest.

They turned abruptly to face her, with an apparent indifference. She snorted inwardly seeing the guilt painting on their faces. The guilt was oozing from their pores.

"I've been working my ass off since this morning and you're just standing here idly?"

"We're… we're working," assured her George with an eager nod of his head. "We've just stopped by on-"

"You know what I hate as much as lies?" she growled at them. "Lame excuses! Christmas is not an excuse to be lazy at work! Can you take care of your patients now, do you think?" she asked ironically but she trailed off as her vision slid behind their shoulders, inside the patient's room. "Or you can tell me… what that damn clown is doing with this patient?"

"He's not a clown!" the three men answered together at once.

She arched her eyebrow tapping her foot.

"Well, technically he's not a clown, he's Santa Claus," replied Mark with a tiny smirk.

"Great, Santa Claus," she snorted. "And how did he get to be here? In the room of that patient, the very adult patient I may add? And better do not ask what I'm gonna do with you if one of you answers that through the chimney!"

"Actually, no, he came on foot," George let out a little laugh. "But he may have left his sledges outside-"

"Are you trying to be clever? Better not be."

"No, Ma'am," muttered George. "We just thought it would… be a nice gesture to… to make the hospital look more… homey for the patients who have to spend the holidays here." He was going to kill Izzie for her ideas, for which now he had to explain himself profusely. Shepherd and Sloan weren't much of a help either.

"And you wanted to achieve that by inviting… him?" she pointed at the man in the costume behind the window.

"You don't like Santa?" asked Derek cheekily.

"You mean one of the fat perverted guys in creepy red costumes and fake beard who like to sit in the shopping malls with little kids on their lap surrounded by blonde big-boobed bimbos in skimpy elf skirts?" she fired on one breath. "I think they're just adorable!"

"So much repressed rage," Mark shook his head at her.

"I think you meant _expressed_," quipped Derek with a challenging grin into her direction. "Loudly."

Meredith's eyes went wide. Were they standing up to her? To her face? Just like that?

"I-" she began but she was silenced by the beeping of her pager. "What the fuck! Why am I paged again?" she huffed and broke into a run towards the pit.

"She really is a Grinch," commented Mark.

"She's not," disagreed gently Derek. "It's not easy to be happy and cheerful if you're alone."

"She's gonna skin fire me when she learns about the dinner," sighed George. "And Izzie went grossly over the top with that Santa… I'm gonna find her and check she didn't plan any disasters for the evening."

"You sure you're not trying too hard to make her happy?" asked Mark skeptically after George departed.

"I don't have any illusions," answered Derek seriously. "It won't make her happy. What I hope is that she'll be a little less alone."

"And that's all you want to achieve?"

"Why do you ask if you know the answer already?" Derek laughed quietly not meeting his best friend's regard.

"Because I want you to realize you're exposing yourself to a fall again," reasoned Mark.

"There's nothing you can do about it," said Derek with resignation. "There's nothing I can do about it."

"You're so screwed," sighed Mark.

Derek leaned back heavily against the wall. He was screwed because he was getting his hopes up. He got his hopes up every time he looked at her.

* * *

Meredith tore the scrub cap off her head with annoyance. She never thought there would be a point in time where she was sick of the OR but she was simply drained. She thought she hadn't been that exhausted with her shift since her intern days. She was done for the day; if someone paged her again, she'd go for their life without second thoughts. On the other hand, the busy day at work spared her witnessing holiday love and happiness all around. The OR was sterile clean, the thick walls resisted Christmas spirit infiltrating inside.

He made her way towards her office peacefully. Yes, peacefully, as the corridors were oddly calm and deserted but for several nurses faithfully keeping watch at their stations. Soon she found herself on the next floor that seemed to have assembled the majority of staff who didn't have to be working elsewhere. She frowned curiously at the muffled sounds of conversation, laughter and some music. In no time at all, she was at the door to the biggest of conference rooms, currently the center of hospital activity, and she was momentarily rendered speechless by the sight.

Dozens of hospital workers, from cafeteria personnel to doctors, were swarming around the room, eating, giggling, laughing… She crossed the threshold feeling overwhelmed, her eyes sweeping the decorations in wonder.

"Holy mother of destruction…" she managed to mutter under her breath.

"Meredith!" Addison appeared at her side with a wide grin.

"What is going on in here?" asked Meredith, still dazed.

"Our Christmas dinner party," answered simply the redhead.

"Why am I learning about it just about now ?" inquired Meredith, folding her arms protectively.

"Because… you wouldn't have agreed if you had known?" asked Addie lightly.

"Whose idea was that?" Meredith bombarded her with the next question disregarding her gentle jab.

"Ours," Addie shrugged simply.

"Ours?" snorted Meredith. "I've been in neurology for years and I haven't heard about a case of several brains at once executing exactly the same mental procedures. So, whose idea was that?"

"Derek's, okay?" sighed Addison in defeat. "It was Derek's idea. Just… don't lash out on him. He did nothing wrong and… he did it for you!"

It was Meredith's turn to sigh, "I don't want him to do anything for me, Addie!"

"Meredith, what happened to you two? You were so in love, so happy-"

"Addison, we are not talking about this," she cut her across. "Not in the middle of… this, not today, not ever. It's over and done with, it's in the past. No, I'm not interested in what you've got to say," she quashed her sister's attempts at protesting. "Excuse me, I'm starving. I haven't eaten for ages. If it's a Christmas dinner, then I'm entitled to find something _dinnery _for me."

She freed from Addison, wound her way through the crowd to the tables stopping for small talk every now and then.

"Merry Christmas!" Lexie shot straight to her ear. Her cheeks were flushed and she was holding a glass of wine in her hand. Great, passed through Meredith's mind. The younger Grey clearly couldn't hold her liquor. And that was supposed to be her sister? That was all that she needed at the moment, her half-sister making a scene in front of the whole hospital. "Merry Christmas, Meredith… Dr. Grey… Meredith!"

"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked curiously. "Don't you have a family to go home to?"

"I have family here, too," shrugged Lexie, alcohol making her more bold and forward than she'd usually dare to address her boss of a sister. "I want to spend Christmas with my sister."

Meredith's expression softened against her will. "Merry Christmas, Lexie," she sighed and stepped around the younger woman to prevent her from doing something stupid, like hugging her.

She sank into a chair at the end of the joined tables, her eyes gliding over the faces of the Seattle Grace loners. Well, well, well… It seemed that everyone had been informed about the event… except her. It looked like a little hospital rebellion, with conspiring Derek at the lead. She lifted her eyes from her plate and saw him standing near the opposite corner of the room deep in conversation with Bailey and her husband, which he stopped at some point… and was now looking back at her, smiling gently, just the way when he was "dreaming her up".

_Once bitten and twice shy  
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye _

Damn it, they were playing that song. That lame cheesy song you could hear everywhere during Christmas time. The problem was that she liked that song in some creepy twisted way. It always made her a little mushy and melancholic.

_Last Christmas, I gave you my heart  
But the very next day, You gave it away_

She gave away his heart and he still didn't give up. She yelled at him, she behaved like the most repulsive person on earth and he still didn't give up.

Their visual connection was broken as Miranda's little overactive son bumped against Derek's legs.

_A crowded room, friends with tired eyes  
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice  
My God I thought you were someone to rely on  
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on_

Meredith watched him laugh softly and scoop the little boy up in his arms, immediately indulging in a passionate conversation. Her heart constricted at the thoughts that sprouted in her brain. He was a natural with children, he would make a wonderful father one day.

_Last Christmas, I gave you my heart  
But the very next day, You gave it away_

_This year, to save me from tears  
I'll give it to someone special_

She wasn't that special one for him even if he didn't realize it. She was a wreck of woman, she had been from the beginning. She was not able to give him happiness, she was unfit. She wouldn't be a good mother either, she thought with a painful weight strangling her throat. She was Ellis Grey's daughter and as such genetically impaired in that respect. She'd do anything to spare her children what she had been through during her childhood and adolescence, even if it meant not having them at all.

She took a sip of wine and noticed Derek wasn't with Bailey anymore. She scanned the room. He was slowly but steadily making his way towards her, she could tell as much. He wasn't smiling anymore, though. He was grinning… wickedly… She frowned and then looked up above her head following his gaze, her eyes widening. Why was everything against her today? A garland of mistletoe was hanging above her head. Well, the damn plant was everywhere anyway and it was surely Derek's doing.

_Now I know what a fool I've been  
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again_

Her traitor of a body shuddered imperceptibly at the sole idea of a kiss and her core contracted involuntarily. It was ages since she had been with a man, with the man. The concept of having a sexual intercourse with other men repulsed her. Her stomach plummeted for a moment; what if she would never be able to have sex again? She brushed off all her musings as fast as they appeared in her brain. Someone blocked Derek's path shielding her from his view and she took advantage of the moment to make a hasty escape mingling through the crowd.

This had to stop, she took a resolve leaning against the wall with a beating heart. They couldn't drag this on for eternity, they needed closure. If harshness and coldness didn't deter Derek, she had to try different tactics. It wouldn't be the first time to lie to him, she was doing that for the past month but somehow what she was about to do felt heavier, more definite and appalling… wrong. It was for Derek's sake though, she would persevere.

* * *

Derek was one of the last participants of the dinner to leave the hospital. The event proved to be a partial success. True, everyone had a good time, together time, instead of slugging on a coach watching the same movie re-runs for the hundredth time. Yet, he didn't manage to get Meredith on his own, not even to exchange a few words with her. He was sure it wasn't that much of a disastrous evening for her, she even talked to her sister without trying to kill her with the power of her regard. She wasn't alone that evening and that was what he had wanted to achieve. Trying to cheer himself with that thought, he wrapped his coat tighter around him and straightened his collar up walking out of the building into the cold December air. He observed the scenery around; the sky was pitch black punctuated with twinkling stars; the deep layers of snow were dazzling white, sparkling in the light of the streetlamps. It was a beautiful night.

"Derek." He heard his name called and his heart almost stopped still. He turned back breathlessly, his eyes falling on the one person he didn't expect to see at all. Meredith was standing several feet from the entrance to the hospital, shielded from passers-by. He watched hypnotically as she left her spot and slowly moved closer to him, her face relaxed and peaceful.

"Meredith," her graceful name rolled off his tongue reverently.

"Derek," she sighed. She used his first name again after more than a month of formal address. He had almost started to hate his surname. Dr. Shepherd this, Dr. Shepherd that… "What I'm going to do with you, Derek?" she asked softly cocking her head.

"I can think of a thousand things," he whispered.

"I'm not going to yell at you for tonight," she said disregarding his words. "It was a nice gesture, you made more than a few lives a little more bearable. So, thank you for that."

He nodded wordlessly, completely taken-aback with the way she was speaking to him. It felt almost like being suddenly transported to a parallel world. "You're… you're welcome," he stammered and exhaled deeply, leaving a cloud of vapor in the cold air.

"I… I tried to do it the hard way," Meredith took up, looking him straight in the eye without a shadow of doubt or hesitation. "Ironically, I thought it would be… easier. Easier for you."

"What are you talking about?" Derek's frown started to return onto his forehead. Despite the promising beginning, there was something hugely wrong in this conversation.

"I know you did it for me tonight. All the effort, the preparation. You made other people smile, and it's good but… don't try to do anything for me."

He opened his mouth to speak but she just shook her head and took another step closer so that her emerald eyes were all that he was able to see.

"Because… I'm not the one the one to give you what you need," she stated quietly, her face so close he could count her eyelashes. "I can't give you more than this…"

He felt her lips hovering over his, lightly, ephemerally, hardly more substantial than a breeze. All too soon it was gone, the coldness of the air biting even more harshly on his skin.

"Derek, I don't love you," she told him in a clear decisive voice. "Derek, I don't want to be with you."

His eyes prickled uncomfortably and it wasn't from the low temperature. He searched for any indication that she was lying but there was none… Her green dry orbs were looking at him indifferently, her voice didn't waver even once.

"I want us to get the closure this time," she went on pitilessly. "You have to move on, I did."

He tried to say something, argue, scream, anything to stop her, to convince her otherwise. But he didn't do it, knowing with every painful fiber of his being that it wouldn't do any difference.

"Goodbye, Derek," she said quietly with the last little smile on her lips walked off to her car, leaving him alone standing listlessly on the sidewalk.

He didn't know how long he stayed in the same spot in front of the hospital, disregarding the lateness of the hour and the snow that started to fall from the skies again. He inhaled deeply filling his lungs with cold air. There was nothing he could look forward to anymore, no hope.

* * *

**A/N Yeah, I know… I thought maybe I should have warned you that the Christmas update wouldn't be all cheesiness and fluff. But I can promise you it's the last heartbreaking update in this fic. I'll fix MerDer very soon now even thought it doesn't look like it right now. The next update covers one very explosive day at SGH and will once again change the way Meredith thinks.**

**You probably have enough of the drama but I hope you continue to enjoy… Comments?**

**Have a great weekend,**

**Em**


	33. Chapter 33: If Tomorrow Never Comes

**A/N Thank you for the ongoing interest in this story! All new readers, welcome!**

**This update and two that will follow cover one single day at Seattle Grace, New Year's Eve. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

"Meredith. Meredith?"

Dr. Wyatt's crisp voice broke her out of the state of lethargy she suddenly fallen into during their session.

"I'm sorry, I just…" she trailed off dejectedly searching for the right words.

"You look tired. Have you been sleeping?" prompted her the therapist. "Have you been sleeping since you broke up with Derek for the second time?"

"I have," sighed Meredith. "It's just… this morning… and I…"

The older woman looked at her expectantly.

"I have a feeling," began Meredith. "I had to force myself out of bed today. I'm not depressive, or suicidal… but I have a feeling… like I might die today."

"Can you explain it closer?"

"No, it's just the thing. It can't be explained." Meredith rubbed her forehead absentmindedly. "It's like a quiet board."

"You might be seeking closure," stated Dr. Wyatt rationally. "The year's ending, the time left till the announcement of the rankings is ending, your relationship with Derek is ending-"

"It's not that," Meredith shook her head violently. "It's a hunch, it's…. Something's going to happen."

"Are you waiting for something to happen?" asked shrewdly Dr. Wyatt. "Something that could change your life that is now a mere day-to-day existence? Something… to take away the pain you're denying?"

"I'm waiting… for the feeling to pass," Meredith answered quietly. If she didn't believe it would pass, she'd have to leave Seattle Grace and never look behind.

* * *

"Something happened between them," commented Addison more to herself than to Mark who was standing beside her at the nurses' station. "I know it did."

Derek had just entered into their view seconds ago but upon spotting Meredith, he swerved abruptly into one of the side corridors; not without throwing a hasty look in her direction, a look of longing and sadness. The maneuver didn't escape Meredith's attention. Her gaze, in turn, was searching and preoccupied as well as full of unyielding determination.

"Yeah, yeah, something happened between them," Mark sighed dropping his head down tiredly. "I think we established that a few days back. Repeating the same sentence over and over again will take us no closer to knowing what exactly happened."

One thing, however, was certain. Whatever brought the sudden shift in Meredith and Derek's relations took place the evening of the Christmas dinner. The next day, they saw him with that miserable expression on his face that didn't leave him since. He dismissed their questions of concern and didn't mention Meredith's name even once. He ceased talking about her, asking about her or gently stalking her as he used to. Instead, he avoided her, got out of her way.

"I think they talked," spoke up Addison as they started to walk towards the cafeteria to grab their lunch. "They must've talked, right? Derek wouldn't just stop caring like that."

"Maybe she verbally abused him one time too many," shrugged Mark. The situation was getting to him. Despite the appearances, Derek was in complete meltdown and he had to cover his ass in front of Derek's family - worried Carolyn and inquisitive sisters. He could imagine what a sophisticated kind of torture he'd be forced to endure if the Shepherd women got the wind of Derek's true state of mind.

"That didn't deter him for weeks," Addison shook her head.

They entered the cafeteria and joined the object of their conversation in the most secluded corner of the room, chewing on his vegetarian salad.

"Trying to starve to death now?" frowned Mark putting his tray on the table.

Derek sighed audibly but continued to eat.

"What are you, deaf, catatonic?" Mark felt his patience evaporate.

"I'm trying to eat; if you find that disturbing, sit somewhere else," bit back Derek.

"Whoa! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," came the dry answer.

"Derek, we're just trying to help, to be there for you," pleaded Addison. "Don't shut us out. Don't act like Meredith, please."

"And by that she means stop behaving like an ass you're not," muttered Mark under his breath.

"I appreciate your concerns but you can't help me," he sighed and lapsed into silence.

Addison and Mark shared a quick look, agreeing it was no use pursuing the topic. It would only push Derek into headstrong obstinacy.

"It's over, it's finished."

They both looked up from their plates as Derek's voice, hollow, worn out, slightly surprised, cut the silence unexpectedly.

"That's it, there's nothing left," he went on.

"Did you have another fight with Meredith?" asked Addison. "Did she put you through the ringer for the Christmas dinner?"

"No," he denied, the corners of his lips curling slightly upwards. "She was actually sweet about it."

"Sweet?" Addie blurted out, shock painting on her face.

"She thanked me… and then proceeded to tell me she didn't love me and didn't want to be with me. She didn't yell. She just explained… rationally and efficiently."

"I… don't know what to say…" murmured Addison trying to wrap her mind around what she heard.

"There's… nothing left to be said," chuckled Derek bitterly. "It's all been… said and done. And that's mine," he muttered as the beeping of a pager interrupted their conversation.

"Wait, you're going to Joe's tonight, right?" asked hurriedly Mark.

"Honestly, I don't know," he answered getting to his feet.

"Come on, man! It's New Year's Eve," argued Mark. "You know what they say, the whole year's like it's beginning. Do you want to begin it wallowing in your self-pity in solitude?"

"No, of course, I prefer to begin it drinking my ass off in a bar," Derek snorted cynically and departed.

* * *

"What have we got?" demanded Derek urgently, pulling gloves over his hands as he entered the exam room.

"Tucker Jones, 35, lost control of his car, it flipped over," one of the interns answered immediately. "He's got a chest contusion and a head CT shows a left side depressed skull fracture and temporal epidural hematoma. GCS 14 in the field, now down to 12. His motor exams are intact."

Derek gasped slightly and leaned in to look at the patient's face. There was no mistake, it was indeed Tucker Jones, Miranda Bailey's husband…

With a deep frown of concern creasing his forehead, he hastily examined the injuries and ordered, "Let's give him a gram of Dilantin and 70 of mannitol. Mr. Jones, Tucker, can you see me? It's Derek Shepherd, I need to do an examination on you, okay?"

"My wife… I need… my wife, she's..."

"Don't worry, we're going to find Miranda as soon as we can," assured him Derek. "Mr. Jones, squeeze my fingers for me, please. "

"My wife…" repeated the patient dully.

"Tucker? Hey, I need you to squeeze my finger, ok?"

The machines started beeping and milliseconds later Tucker's body shook violently.

"He's in a seizure, get him on his side, watch his arm," fired Derek turning him sideways with the help of an intern. It was going to be a difficult case, he remarked inwardly, even so as the patient was the husband of one of his friends. But Derek was also guiltily glad as it was perfect release from his thoughts; from the one thought in particular, the torture thought that he and Meredith were history, one that would not repeat itself. "Let's get him to the OR. Watch his arm, watch his arm."

* * *

Meanwhile, in OR 3, Owen Hunt was getting ready for a different kind of procedure. He saw many things in his career, during his service in the army especially, but the thing with life was that it could always burp some astounding surprises along the way. Like right now, for example. Half an hour ago, the ambulance delivered a man with an extensive chest wound, the heavy bleeding dammed only with a paramedic's hand, a paramedic's hand pressed deep inside the body cavity that was.

It wasn't going to be an easy textbook procedure but the atmosphere in the room was light, mainly due to the aforementioned paramedic, a 22-year old Hannah, who was currently entertaining everyone with her chatty disposition.

Owen took his place at the table, about to start the surgery, when the door bust open revealing a harassed-looking resident, completely out of breath.

"Dr. Hunt?" he panted. "I need to speak with you."

"I am in surgery, Schaffer," answered Owen lifting up the scalpel nevertheless.

"You want to talk to me, Sir," insisted the younger man.

Owen threw him a searching look and decided to hand away the instruments. "Unhook me."

"Schaffer, if you interrupt me, it better be for a-"

"Was it through and through?" he questioned feverishly.

"What?"

"His wound, was it through and through?"

"No, there's just an entry, no exit. Why?" frowned Owen.

"Mr. Carlson and his friend built a replica of some World War II weapon, like a bazooka," Dr. Schaffer hurried with explanations. "They wanted to fire it, it didn't work. Carlson went up to check what was wrong and then… well, then it worked."

"Wait, he shot himself with a bazooka?" Owen tried to keep his voice as quiet as possible.

"According to Mr. Carlson's playmate, there wasn't an explosion…"

Owen slowly turned back to face the team gathered inside the operating theatre all looking up at him with mild curiosity. His eyes slid over Hannah and the length of her arm that dipped inside of his unconscious patient.

"Hannah, what do you feel inside of Mr. Carlson? What is your hand touching?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is your hand touching anything hard?" he clarified. "Like metal."

"Uhm… I don't know," Hannah's face was all set in concentration under her mask.

"Don't move your hand. Just tell me what you feel."

"Uhm, my fingertips are touching something… kinda hard. Yeah, definitely," she nodded.

"Hannah, I don't want you to move. Not your hand, not your body. Not an inch," he admonished, then turning to the resident still standing in the doorway. "Dr. Schaffer, I want you to walk out of this room. Walk, do not run. Go and tell the charge nurse that we have a code black. Tell them that I'm sure and then tell them to call the bomb squad."

He could almost see in his mind's eye the girl's hand brushing the ammo. He sighed, it looked like the warzone found him even in the confines of Seattle Grace.

* * *

That was how it was supposed to be, a difficult case turning out to be even more difficult after opening the patient's skull, the rush of adrenaline, the excitement. Only it was all oddly diffused that day. It wasn't just a case, he was operating on his friend's husband, the friend that he liked and respected. Tucker was barely hanging in there, he had a second bleed under the skull base. All the time throughout the surgery it was touch and go.

Although, he wasn't a hopeless case. He still breathed on his own; he had someone to breathe for, there was hope. Whereas, in Derek's case, there was no hope left. He was safe and sound, but in reality, broken to pieces, irrevocably and irreparably. And alone, which was, he didn't hold any illusions, not going to change. Could he even expect anything worse striking his life?

They were still a long time before any possible end of the procedure when his pager went off.

"Lawrence, could you check that?" he asked, his eyes and attention focused unchangeably on his patient.

The intern hurried to read the message, though baffled with its contents, moved to make a call through the hospital internal line.

"What'd they want?"

"They want us to evacuate!"

"Evacuate? Did they say why?" This time Derek lifted his vision up from the operating table giving the intern a sweeping glance. They were being ordered to leave the OR for some reason, that was surprising.

"Uh, no," Dr. Lawrence shook her head. "But your pager said code black."

Derek hung off his proceedings thinking he might have misheard, being too caught up with the demanding procedure. He stared at the intern, "You're sure they said that?"

"Yes," she confirmed gently.

Derek allowed himself a quick moment to ponder on the unexpected situation. "It could be a drill." It was probably just a safety exercise… He never encountered a real code black, meaning bomb threat, during all his career. On the other hand… what if it was a real life danger?

"Even if it's not a drill, I can't evacuate, I've got an open brain on the table," he took a quick resolve. His heart skip a beat. It felt so surreal… Was he acting like some pathetic wanna-be hero? He snorted, it was not like he had anything to return to out there anyway. The best he could do was to continue trying to save the injured unconscious man left to his mercy. "I'm not leaving this man on the table with his skull flap open so… if anybody wants to go, they should go," he said looking around the room over the staff that composed his team that day. "Anybody want to evacuate? Going once, going twice, three times."

No one made other movement than a gentle shake of their heads. Everybody chose to stay, maybe out of their need to save a life, maybe because they didn't believe in the gravity of situation.

"You're sure they said code black?" he intently addressed the intern once again.

"Yes," replied Dr. Laurence with absolute certainty and a deep nod of her head.

"Go find what is going on."

* * *

Meredith let out a deep sigh during the pause in her announcement, forced by the insistent buzzing of the crowd of medical staff gathered before her. She could read their emotions so well from her elevated position on the stairwell; there was shock, disbelief, worry, fear… Whereas she, she wanted to run back to Dr. Wyatt's office and triumphantly announce "I told you", gloat about getting it right with the ominous feeling plaguing her since this morning. She couldn't though. She was so busy she couldn't ever remember herself being.

She was in the state of constant alert, each and every tiny muscle in her body tense and ready for action. The adrenaline was pumping though her veins fast. She didn't sit down even once since she read the message on her pager followed by Patricia barging into her office with an expression of deep distress on her features. Karma must hate her; a week before the rankings coming up, she was getting a crisis situation on her plate. And not just any crisis situation. There was an unexploded highly dangerous ammunition in her hospital, ready to blast any given second, posing mortal danger to a patient and the highly skilled medical team supposed to be taking care of him. Plus, she had to endure the incompetent policemen running through her hospital, making more chaos than order in the corridors.

"We're having pre-op patients transported to Mercy West, all trauma rerouted to Seattle Presbyterian," she went on with her speech, making sure her voice was steady and reassuring. "There is no danger to the north, south and west wings of this hospital, just the east surgical wing. That said, anyone who wants to leave can leave. No one stays unless they volunteer to stay, understood?"

She was met with quiet murmurs and numerous nods.

"Okay," she said and went down the stairs to make her way through the assembly, slowed down by her coworkers demanding additional information.

"Meredith, is it code black? Really?" inquired Addison keeping up with her pace, Cristina and one of the interns, Dr. Lawrence, closely in tow.

"Yes, I shut down the ORs," she confirmed gravely.

"What? To trauma?" asked Cristina.

"To everything."

"Wait a minute," frowned Cristina. "To "everything" everything?"

Meredith sighed and halted to face the three doctors, "As of ten minutes ago, all the operating rooms at Seattle Grace were evacuated… with the exception of Dr. Hunt's team." She informed them throwing a cautious look at Cristina. For once, the laid-back doctor didn't look as composed as usual. Her eyes were wide and her lips open, like she didn't know what to say.

Meredith turned to walk away. She didn't want to stay and watch in case one of the strongest women she knew broke down. It wouldn't help her at all to keep a cool head. Yet, she was called back before she could move. She was pulled back knowing she wouldn't escape the state Dr. Yang was going through even if she hid from her in the opposite wing of the hospital. She knew she would have to go through the same hell as Dr. Lawrence's clear slightly apprehensive voice countered her previous statement, "And Dr. Shepherd's team."

* * *

**A/N **** So, the bomb arc was one of the things I planned months back. I'm so happy to finally cover it and I hope you enjoy my take on it. Any thoughts you may have about how it's going to play out, I'd love to hear them.**

**Em**

**P.S. I'm so curious about this week's Grey's episode. How are they going to roll three holidays into one hour?**


	34. Chapter 34:Dancing With Tears In My Eyes

**A/N Thank you so much, everyone who takes their time to read and review, you're incredible! I hope that this story helps you get through those two months before us without Grey's, especially since there's a lot of MerDer goodness coming soonish. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"_And Dr. Shepherd's team."_

She could literally feel her blood drain from her face and her body cover in cold sweat.

"What?" she demanded shrilly facing the disheveled looking intern, challenging her, but pleading in reality, to say otherwise. "What do you mean Shepherd's team?"

"They're still in OR 2 operating on Dr. Bailey's husband," explained Dr. Lawrence. "I was sent to check the situation."

Meredith forced herself to breath in and out … Derek was in the endangered area… operating next to a bomb…

She felt like _she_ would die today… Not Derek. Derek was to be whole and healthy, and happy, not… a step from dying.

"Chief, the bomb squad just arrived," a nurse informed her.

Meredith nodded distractedly and ran off with a hasty "Excuse me". She needed to pull herself together instead of locking up in some secluded supply closet and indulging herself in a panic attack or a tear flood she craved so much right know. She couldn't act like a woman in love worrying about her man. She was the Chief, the leader figure. There were too many people depending on her. She had to carry the weight of this hospital on her shoulders on her own. And Derek… Derek wasn't technically even her man anymore. That said, it didn't stop the splitting pain from breaking her heart into thousand smithereens.

Making a brave face she entered the small conference room, now densely packed with bulky men in black uniforms.

"Gentlemen," she nodded in greeting. "I'm Dr. Meredith Grey, the Chief-"

"Wait, you're the Chief?" asked curiously one of them, an unmistakable claim for authority in his voice.

"Yes," she sighed, her lips closing in a dissatisfied thin line. On any other day, she'd show that arrogant ass who was in charge in here but in this very moment, it was all insignificant. It all paled against the fact that Derek was facing… No, she could not admit it, even in her thoughts. She had to concentrate on her job, nothing else for the moment. She couldn't be worrying about Derek as a person; as a surgeon, it was allowed. He was an invaluable element of her staff, a brilliant surgeon possessing million-dollar hands. That was all she could think about him right now if she wanted to stay sane.

"And who are you?" she demanded the tall black-haired man who had addressed her so impertinently.

"Dylan Young, bomb squad," he wasted no time in informing her. "As I understand the zone in direct risk has been evacuated with exception of the OR containing the explosive? Right now, we're going to check the area and then secure the patient. In the meantime, nobody gets close to that floor," he shot out and started giving directions to his men.

"No, No!" she managed to shout over, bringing back the squad specialists' attention before they left. "We… we thought everyone else except the OR 3 led by Dr. Hunt was evacuated." She took a deep breath, it felt almost painful, "We were mistaken."

"What do you mean?" Dylan demanded impatiently. "We were clearly informed everyone else evacuated."

"That's what we thought," explained Meredith, breathing regularly, fighting like hell to keep a cool head. "I've just been informed that there's another ongoing procedure… A brain surgery, in OR 2."

Dylan prompted one of his men out of the room with a nod of his head. "Why is that surgical team still out there? he barked out.

"I don't know," she gritted out. Every word of this conversation was pure torture. "He… must have underestimated the danger, he disregarded the code black."

"He?" Dylan shook his head. "Who?"

"Dr. Shepherd," she answered quietly. "He's the surgeon responsible for that OR."

The man in front of her nodded. "We're going to evacuate him and his team right now. "

"Mr. Young," she stopped him once again where he was almost out of the room. "Just… do whatever you need to get him out of there," she managed to utter. "He needs to be out of there."

"I mean, the whole team," she rushed to correct herself as Dylan glanced at her quirkily. "These are excellent doctors, the hospital cannot afford to lose them."

Dylan acknowledged her words with a nod of his head and hurried out while Meredith allowed herself a few solitary minutes for the numbness to permeate her skin. She could not afford to lose him, not like that.

And she wouldn't; her fists clenched in determination. But his safety as well as that of the rest of the medical staff didn't depend solely on the bomb squad's handling the explosive. It also depended on her integrity, quick thinking and the ability to face crisis situations. So for the sake of them all, for the sake of Derek, she needed to lock her feelings in a little box and throw out the key. She had responsibilities to fulfill.

* * *

His patient didn't let Derek lose concentration even for a second. It was one of those cases that created problem after problem and made you spend a whole day in the OR. And he was Miranda Bailey's husband, to complicate things further. When Miranda jokingly said that he owed her for helping out to organize the Christmas dinner, performing a life-saving craniotomy surely was far from entering her thoughts. Yet by a bizarre twist of events that was exactly what he was doing. Although, the life-saving part still remained to be seen.

He vaguely registered the absence of Dr. Lawrence. The resident sent with a clear purpose didn't make her way back to witness the demanding procedure.

The door suddenly busted open but it wasn't Dr. Lawrence as he noticed with a slight frown.

"Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my OR?" asked Derek dryly, his eyes too busy to recognize the intruder's badge.

"Dylan Young, head of the bomb squad," he answered keeping close to the door. "Dr. Shepherd, there's an explosive device in the OR next door. Dr. Hunt is about to start a procedure in order to remove the device from of a man's body. I need you to evacuate now."

So, it was the real deal, his curiosity was satisfied, Derek snorted bitterly in his mind. He felt odd with how unconcerned about his own situation that knowledge left him.

"I've got a guy whose brain's exposed on this table," he stated calmly. "I'm not going to walk away and leave him to die." He was going to save Tucker Jones even if it was the last thing he'd do. "The rest of you can go," he addressed his staff. "You should go." One by one the medical team thinned out until the only left in the room were Derek, a nurse and an anesthesiologist.

He looked at the bomb squad officer and their determined regards clashed. Not for long, as Derek was right back doing his job.

Dylan took another try, "You close him up, you do whatever you have to do. The Chief of surgery has authorized me to tell you you cannot stay here."

It was out of pure luck that Derek was reaching for the sponge while Meredith came up in the conversation and his hand shook dangerously.

"The Chief of surgery doesn't scare me," he retaliated arrogantly but then added trying to make the situation look lighter, "Dr. Bailey scares me. I'm not going to be the one to let her husband die. And that's what would happen if I put his skull open in this condition, bomb or no bomb. Now get out of my OR," he unceremoniously threw the other man out giving him a cold glare, the one in which Meredith was a real master.

Dylan seemed ready to protest but ultimately desisted, realizing that he wouldn't be able to coax the stubborn doctor out on his free will.

An eerie silence fell over the OR after only four people stayed inside, one of them unconscious. Yet, there was no panic in Derek's heart, only unyielding determination and recklessness. He let his mind wander off, imaging what would happen if the bomb went off… He saw an image of a tear-stricken Meredith clutching his lifeless body. Yeah, right, he thought ironically. First, he meant nothing to Meredith, zero. Second, there would be probably no body to mourn; just a pink mist, that would be all left off him.

* * *

Meredith nervously paced the claustrophobically small conference room. Outside, the situation was gradually settling down. The patients were dropped off over other Seattle hospitals; the first wave of shock and anxiousness crashed and ebbed away. That didn't mean everything was back to normal, far from it. The tense atmosphere among the surgical staff was palpable. The grand majority decided to remain at the hospital, waiting for any concrete news about their colleagues that were saving lives in mortal peril. And now they could die all together, she remarked checking the hospital blueprints for the tenth time awaiting Young.

"Mr. Young," she exclaimed as soon as he appeared in the doorway. "The Shepherd team, are they safe?"

"Most of them, yes."

"Most of them?" she breathed out, full of misgivings. "What does "most of them" mean?"

"Dr. Shepherd refused to leave his patient," informed her calmly Dylan. "He stayed behind along with two other people."

"What?" she screamed shrilly and her eyes bored into his accusingly. "You were to evacuate hi- them!" she stammered.

"They decided to stay and save the man that is your colleague's husband I believe," argued Dylan, surprise evident in his voice. Weren't doctors, just like the guys from his squad, a close knit group, loyal to and relying on each other?

Meredith ignored his statement altogether. In this very second, she didn't think like a doctor but a scared restless woman that had no energy to care about anyone else than her beloved.

"You call yourself a professional?" she verbally attacked the man before her. "You can't even provide safety for people who aren't necessary to be in the area?"

"It's your authority he doesn't respect!" he growled back. "He blatantly dismissed your orders!"

"Aren't you people trained to handle this kind of situation?" she argued back ignoring his jab.

"Look, we can't take this people out of the OR by force," explained Dylan struggling to keep his patience. "They knew the risk and they decided to stay behind to save a life. I respect that. Now, do you have something substantial to say to me or can I go back to where I'm needed? Because we're good to go. My team's in place, Dr. Hunt is ready. The patient is stable. We can have the bomb out in ten minutes if I'm not interrupted again."

She should have known Derek would be too noble to leave his patient in need, his colleague's family at that. She couldn't run down to the surgical floor to impose her order on him. The bomb squad wouldn't let her, her duty as the Chief required her to overlook the functioning of the hospital without risking her neck, and… Derek wouldn't listen to her anyway. At points, his stubbornness could rival hers.

Meredith took a deep calming breath reminding herself again how much was at stake. When she spoke again, her voice was clear and professional as ever. "In the OR, we put our patients under general anesthesia."

"Yeah?"

"That involves a steady flow of pure oxygen," stated Meredith.

Dylan's expression turned to one of the highest alert knowing exactly what it could mean for the hospital and the people gathered inside. "Well, can't you turn off the oxygen to my OR?"

"I can and I have," nodded Meredith making her way to the small desk where rested the hospital blueprints. "But… this is your OR." She pointed at the paper with her finger. "This is the OR floor's main oxygen line… runs directly under the room…"

Dylan let out a deep frustrated sigh studying the plans on top speed. They had to move the problematic patient out of that room before anything or the whole building would be in the danger of blowing up. Not wasting any more time, he hurried out of the conference room.

"I need an update on when you're going to start moving!" Meredith shouted after him from the doorstep.

"Chief?"

She turned sideways and her eyes rested on Miranda Bailey standing before her, in her street clothes and clutching her phone so tightly that her knuckles went white. She took in with unease the lack of stout doctor's usual sparkling confidence.

"Chief," she addressed her again, her voice struggling to remain even. "Can you tell me… where's my husband?"

Meredith peeked over her shoulder at their fellow doctors roaming anxiously around the lobby with gloomy expressions on their faces. Great, of course they left to her the task of informing Dr. Bailey about the state of her husband. But she didn't blame them. She was the boss here, the one that was supposed to keep her own emotions at bay so that others stayed safe.

"Dr. Grey, can you tell me where exactly is my husband?" asked Bailey again swallowing hard, "because these fools… they didn't want to tell me. And I've… I've just spent an hour that was supposed to be my marriage counseling session calling my husband and… and telling him that he'd be better be lying dead somewhere on the street… So, where is he?"

Meredith took a deep breath tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear distractedly. "Dr. Bailey," she cleared her throat. "Your husband is with my-" she trailed off suddenly. Her what? Ex-lover? Ex-boyfriend? Ex-would-be husband? "He's with Dr. Shepherd…"

She watched Miranda's face change as she explained what was going on with the man she loved, and it perfectly reflected her own feelings. Only, she could not tiredly sink into a chair, succumbing into a moment of weakness.

* * *

When the door to Derek's OR opened again it wasn't anyone from the bomb squad.

"Dr. Hunt," remarked Derek with a slight surprise.

"Dr. Shepherd," sighed Owen with a slight nod of his head, halting near the door, his torso protected by a black vest. "How's it going?" he asked conversationally.

"He's got a second bleed under his skull base," answered Derek. "If I do what the textbooks say, he could lose the power of speech, herniate and die."

"What's your other option?" Owen led the conversation further.

"If I do what I want to do," Derek breathed deeply, "he could lose the power of speech, herniate and die."

"Well, good luck with that," nodded Owen.

"Thanks," muttered Derek and gave his colleague a brief look. "Is there anything you want? Like tell me it was stupid of me not to evacuate?"

"Why would I do that?" shrugged Owen with a chuckle. "I didn't either."

"Now, can you operate and remove the device from the guy?" asked rationally Derek.

"After the bomb squad is through assessing him, I'm going to try," nodded Owen reluctantly.

"Have you ever…?" Derek trailed off, deciding that his question might be uncomfortable for the army surgeon. Owen didn't enjoy sharing his past.

"Have I ever pulled an unexploded ammunition out of a living patient?" chuckled Owen. "No, I honestly have not. Reattaching severed limbs, taking out fragments of ammunition, healing burns, yes, but a ticking bomb inside of a body cavity, a bomb that might kill us all? No, I had to go all the way from Iraq to Seattle, Washington to get a case like that." He shook his head disbelieving half smile playing on his lips, and turned to leave the room.

"Dr. Hunt?" Derek's voice called him back. "See you tonight at Joe's? Celebrate New Year?"

"Ah, yeah. Yeah," agreed Owen with a minuscule smile. "I'll see you there."

* * *

"I can't freaking believe it," muttered frantically Mark, raking his hair with his hands, his elbows propped on his thighs as he sat on one of the plastic chairs in the lobby, waiting with everyone else for the further development of the situation. "What am I going to say to his mother? She had already had her husband killed, and now her only son?"

"Mark, you won't have to say anything to Derek's mother," said soothingly Addison rubbing slow circles on his back. "Everything's going to be okay."

"He always has to play the hero!" complained Mark. "Always! He's been like that since primary school when he was a skinny kid with an afro. Only then the worst he could get was getting his ass kicked and now… now he can blow up!"

"Mark!" hissed Addison. "Don't you talk like that. The bomb squad is taking care of everything, they know their job!"

"No, Addie, you don't talk like that to me," bit Mark. "Don't use that voice we speak to patients' families!"

"Derek is going to be all right," insisted Addison lowering her voice significantly. "He isn't even the one in the room with the bomb." She glanced around feeling instantaneously guilty seeing the gloomy faces of Miranda Bailey and Cristina Yang. Both Bailey's husband and Owen Hunt were in a more tricky situation; the first one lying on the operating table with a serious brain contusion, the other operating directly on the man who carried death inside him.

Addison turned her head and her eyes rested on her best friend instead. Meredith was fulfilling her role as the leader beautifully, staying calm, keeping her head above the water. She didn't dismiss anyone who came to her with questions and she kept everyone on pulse, informing them every now and then about the progress that was made. Right now, she was putting the receiver of the internal line down, which meant she was about to make another announcement.

Everyone's attention shifted automatically at her slender form as she halted in the middle of the lobby.

"I've just talked to a member of the bomb squad," she informed them with a strong reassuring voice. "Dr. Hunt is extending the wound as I speak, which means it's a matter of minutes before the device can be extracted and disposed off safely. I'll let you know when I learn something new. Excuse me," she nodded at the gathering, disappearing into the conference room to receive a phone call, followed closely by George O'Malley.

"It sucks," said Izzie morosely, propping her head tiredly against her hand.

"Yeah," sighed Alex, putting a protective arm around her shoulders as they sat on the floor against the wall along with others, waiting for any substantial turn of events.

"They might…" stammered Izzie. "Any second, they might die… just like that." She snapped her fingers in demonstration.

"They won't," he assured her. "Hunt was in Iraq, you think he survived just to get blasted off in Seattle?"

"I don't think they will ever be the same again if something happens to them," she went on looking over her colleagues. "Cristina, Dr. Bailey… Dr. Grey…"

"Dr. Grey?" asked Alex leniently.

"I don't know how she's doing it," she shook her head. "Derek is down there… and she has to stay tough and care about everything else."

"Iz-"

"Alex," she cut him off decidedly. "Let's not have this argument right now, okay? I know what she's going through. I know she's in excruciating pain. I can tell… because I vividly remember feeling like that too."

Alex nodded but said nothing tracing soothing circles on her arm.

* * *

Meredith shut her phone down with annoyance and tossed it into George's hands.

"You'll be handling the press right now," she ordered distractedly rubbing her temples. "I swear I'll lose it if I hear another question about fatalities."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything," promised George. "It's… it's going to be okay."

"I'm not a five-year-old," sighed Meredith as she picked her cup of coffee and scrunched her face at its lukewarm content. "I don't need to be assured everything's going to be okay… especially, if you don't know that."

"Well, it's.. a day to be scared," replied George, "and it's just what you say on a day like this."

Even if she wanted to answer back she was stopped by her cell phone ringing with exhausting insistence.

"Turned that off!" she barked at her deputy. "It's driving me mad!"

"I'll… I'll take care of this," he muttered quickly and hurried out of the room, bumping into Addison in the doorway.

"Calm down," said Addie quietly, her forehead frowned as she studied her best-friend's face. Meredith's nerves were in shreds and she couldn't help wondering whether the source of the anguish was the crisis situation in general of the fact that Derek's life was in peril.

"Calm down?" laughed bitterly Meredith pacing the room right and left, her hands on her hips. "I have an evacuated OR, a bomb in a body cavity, a paramedic with her hand on the explosive, a man on a table who can bleed out at any moment unless we remove the bomb from his chest..." her voice shook for a millisecond in her enumeration, "two world class surgeons in harm's way and the rest of my senior staff on the verge of a nervous breakdown! Really? Calm down? You really wanna say right now to me to calm down?" she rounded on Addison.

"Okay! Don't calm down!" acquiesced the red-head in defeat. "I just wanted to check how you're holding up."

"Now you're going best-friend on me?" snorted Meredith. "I don't need this right now."

"Don't you?" Addison's eyes bored into hers. "Today even Yang and Bailey need this."

"And what do I have in common with Yang and Bailey?" asked Meredith curtly, challenge evident in her tone.

"You tell me," insisted Addie.

Meredith blinked at her letting out a deep heavy breath. "I have a hospital to look after," she said half-heartedly and departed avoiding her regard.

"Meredith, can you please-" she didn't finish as a sudden tremor crashed through the building like a wave, shaking its solid frame, making the lamps sway in the air and metal instruments clink on carts.

It was gone as rapidly as it came leaving a lingering deadly silence behind. No one dared to move, speak or breathe louder. Meredith raised her eyes, for once full of unmasked fear, to meet Addie's. She knew, along with everybody else, that it was over. One way or another.

* * *

**A/N Like it or hate it? ****I tried to make it look at least a bit believable.**

**The third part of the arc is the last one of the bomb arc, it will be up after the weekend, as usual.**

**Have a great weekend,**

**Em **


	35. Chapter 35: Stop, Look, Listen

**A/N That's the third and the last bomb update which will… probably not end the way you expect…**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

An unusual stillness reigned in the hospital lobby for several long minutes. No one dared to move, rigidly clutching whatever they had grabbed for support. Or was it really for support? The aftershock of the explosion wasn't even as strong as to shake a stumbling toddler off balance. It was sudden, but gentle in its stealth. However, every single person seemed to be grasping at something with desperation, a wall, a counter, someone else's hand. Not to fall? Maybe. Or rather to put the world at ease, to prevent the unavoidable change.

The ensuing silence hung in the air, heavy, suffocating. According to a popular saying, ignorance was bliss. But when you were too far-gone, it became torture. Finally, numerous hands started to shake or twirl their fingers absentmindedly, heads turned to exchange anxious, questioning looks. And then followed first shy whispers which ultimately morphed into uncontrollable buzzing.

Meredith locked her wide eyes with Addie's for an instant, a raw panic coursing through her body, overwhelming her as she posed in her mind the same questions everyone else asked. What exactly happened? Did they manage to remove the explosive on time? Were there any casualties? An unspoken foreboding told them there must have been. The ammunition wasn't supposed to go off on the hospital premises, much less so inside the hospital, which meant… something must have gone wrong…

The phone rang out of a sudden, silencing the room all over again. The nurses at the station eyed the it warily and looked up at Meredith insecurely. The shrill sound seemed to bring her back to reality as she willed her muscles to complete the simple tasks like walking up, picking up the receiver and learning someone's fate. That was her job which she couldn't escape.

She felt dozens of eyes on her as she moved up and pressed the cold plastic to her ear.

"Chief Grey," she spoke clearly, awaiting the news in tension.

She heard indescribable noise on the other side mingled with frantic attempts at conversation and the only word she managed to fish out was "coming".

"What the hell is happening down there?" she demanded. "Who's coming up?"

"_Two of your people," _muttered a masculine voice more clearly than before. _"… let you know as soon… assessing…"_.

Before she could ask for any more details, her interlocutor hung up.

"All right, people!" she called on, banishing the nervousness from her voice. "They're coming up!"

She hurried down the corridor halting several feet from the elevator door while the people previously scattered all over the lobby now gathered flanking her sides. Seconds passed as they stood together, arm in arm, in nervous anticipation.

The metallic sound announced the arrival of the elevator and the door slid open. Meredith's breath hitched in her chest, she could hear the blood rush violently in her veins making her dizzy as her eyes swept the interior of the lift. Derek… Derek was here. He was safe. He must be, right? If he stood in the elevator with his back pressed against the wall, his arms folded across his chest and his eyes cast down. Owen Hunt was right beside him, looking equally drained, but that was a minor point for Meredith right now. She was coming back to life along with this elevator.

Finally, Derek lifted his regard and met the crowd of people before him with a small concerned frown. He raised his arm to drag his lucky surgical cap off his head leaving it messy, but in this exact moment he didn't care much about one of the most valued elements of his anatomy. He and Owen pushed themselves heavily off the wall and started walking forward in a steady pace.

Mrs. Carlson, the wife of the patient who had brought about all the trouble, was the first one to break out from the huddled mass as she approached Owen cautiously.

"Dr. Hunt… Is my husband…" her lip trembled as tears shone in her eyes, "… alive?"

"Yes," he affirmed gently.

The woman asked additional questions but none of them permeated to Meredith's mind. Nor the fact that Cristina Yang whizzed past her to meet Owen in an embrace, or the enthusiastic talking and words of congratulations towards two heroic doctors.

She was too drunk with relief, with grateful bliss, with the azure of Derek's eyes she didn't stop to look into since he appeared back amongst the living. She was utterly mesmerized. The long hours of keeping her emotions suppressed were taking its toll, breaking all dams along their way to the surface. And the way Derek was looking at her didn't help matters. Quite unconsciously, he was a hypnotist for her senses and right now, he made her lose all her pretences, all her excuses… and her position of the Chief. She was reduced to be a woman welcoming back her loved one.

In spite of her dedicated attempts to calm down, her respiration got even harder and her nose started to tingle unpleasantly, the unmistakable sign that she was just a step from becoming a public sensation. She brought the back of her hand to her face but even that betrayed her as it was trembling slightly. Her other hand balled into a fist on her side as she tried hard to rescue her sinking composure in front of everyone. All in vain.

She cleared her throat as she hung her head down, hiding her face from the prying eyes. Though that was as big a give-away as if she let the tears stream freely.

"You had to be a cowboy," scolded Mark, his voice was cracking with emotion, trying to move past Addison to Derek.

"Mark!" hissed his girlfriend putting a restraining hold on his arm and pointing her head between Derek and Meredith.

"What- Oh," Mark finally caught up, realizing as everybody else that the Chief and Dr. Shepherd were having a tender moment.

But Meredith seemed to already get her bearings together. She swallowed heavily and looked back at Derek, no moisture on her skin, though her green orbs were unusually glassy.

"Are you… are you okay… Dr. Shepherd?" she asked slowly, her voice taking a low timbre.

He nodded without haste, not taking his eyes off of her as the beautiful sight before him was making the hope he abandoned a week earlier be reborn in his heart. Only extremely strong emotions were able to bring Meredith on the verge of tears, where she was exactly in that very moment. Seeing as her attentions was centered solely on him, _he_ must have provoked those strong emotions. A wonderful warmth was spreading through his stiffened limbs; Meredith cared for him, he meant so much more to her than just a worker, or a past fling. Those eyes didn't lie. Why? Because Meredith had no interest in faking vulnerability. That one thing was a law of nature. Meredith Grey would never deliberately do something that made her seem weaker in the eyes of others. The flow of adrenaline that pumped through his body due to the bomb experience only intensified.

"Are you going to tell me off for blocking your OR?" he chuckled quietly. He wished all the curious onlookers staring at them avidly would go away.

"I'd appreciate if you followed my orders next time," she said gently, not even bothering to appear stern; she just couldn't muster the energy. "Or I'll use physical force to drag you out of your OR."

He blinked at her with surprise. Did she just acknowledge the said OR belonged to him? It was always referred to as hers since she claimed the proprietorship in sweet vengeance all those months ago. She supposedly thought he won the ownership rights by staying in with his patient during the critical situation.

"With your-" he started flirtatiously but was lightly though decidedly cut off by her.

"Dr. Shepherd, let's not keep Dr. Bailey unawares," she proposed intently. "She's been through enough." Not even waiting for his response, she turned to Owen demanding details of the recent events.

With a sigh, Derek recognized his duty as a doctor and a friend, looking for the face of Miranda in the crowd of his colleagues. Offered with numerous smiles and pats on his shoulder he made his way to Bailey who was sitting as immobile as a stone in one of the chairs. When he stood next to her, she simply looked up at him, as though waiting for a sentence.

"You don't have to plot the best way to murder me," he provided with a smile. "Tucker's gonna be okay."

First, he watched disbelief painting on her face and then it relaxed visibly. Miranda shot out of her seat gave him a tight hug that almost knocked the wind out of him.

He laughed gently as he reciprocated the embrace though his eyes jumped after the silhouette of Meredith who was speaking fast on the phone again.

"Go," muttered sternly Miranda as she let go of him abruptly.

"What?" he frowned.

"She was in no better state than me during these hellish hours," she informed him leniently. "And now she's almost broken down in tears seeing your hair intact. What other proof do you need?"

"If it only were that easy," he sighed cocking his head.

"Derek, nothing ever is!" she remarked impatiently. "You know what I learnt today? That I'm not letting my fool of a husband walk out of this marriage, ever. Are you going to wait for another disaster to strike this hospital before you decide to act on your feelings?"

"I'm going, I'm going," he chuckled bracing himself for what he certainly knew wouldn't be a piece of cake.

He went back through the undulating crowd, determined to reach Meredith before she disappeared out of sight.

"Derek," Addie blocked his way with a serious face.

"Not now, Addie," he muttered dismissively craning his neck to look over her head to where Meredith was talking with O'Malley. Second later she got on the elevator.

"Derek, let her be," insisted Addison, holding his arm under the elbow.

"I can't," he shook his head. "I saw… I know she…" What was with women in this place? One was ordering to get his act together, the other to sit and wait.

"I know too," nodded Addison. "I saw that too."

"Everyone saw that," threw in Mark backing up Addison. "But somehow no one saw Meredith hang herself around your neck Yang-style." He pointed with his head at Cristina and Owen.

"Let me talk to her first," pleaded Addie. "I'll get through to her now I know where we're standing."

"You hear? Addie will soften up your Juliet for you while we go to Joe's," Mark brought his arm around his shoulders and started to drag him away, not without opposition.

"Mark, I really need-"

"Derek, I'll get to the bottom of this," promised Addison. "Go with Mark and wait for me at the bar."

"Come on, man," drawled Mark. "You need something strong, you cheated death today, twice!"

Meanwhile, Addie turned around in search of her best-friend's blond head, who had vanished out of sight.

* * *

Meredith marched the length of the psych corridor with a firm step. She was through with the worst day ever. Even after Derek got off the elevator, safe and sound, she had a lot on her plate to deal with; all the time anxious to travel two floors up and face Dr. Wyatt.

She walked past several people waiting in the corridor. Apparently, it was a stressing day for everyone, psych was working overtime. She impetuously opened the door to the office and strode in.

"Meredith, I'm with a patient," said Dr. Wyatt, looking up at her from under her glasses.

Meredith turned towards the said patient and barked, "Get out."

The young woman on the couch gasped in surprise, her lip trembling dangerously, and shot out of the room while Meredith took the place contentedly.

"Where's your bedside manner, Meredith?" scolded the older doctor. "That woman struggles with severe issues, much worse than yours. It takes a lot of hard work to make her open up to-"

Just as suddenly as Meredith popped on her doorstep, they experienced another interruption. The girl was back, red all over her face.

"Just so you know," she addressed Meredith with a tiny high-pitched voice. "It was rude! Just… rude, that's what I think!" She whirled on her heel and bolted out, leaving a completely stunned Dr. Wyatt behind her.

"A lot of hard work, huh?" smirked Meredith.

Dr. Wyatt rolled her eyes and eyed her curiously, "Shoot, I'm listening."

"Well, my hospital experienced a bomb threat today," she recited at one breath. "One of the squad members was killed with the said bomb, a nurse got injured… Seriously, who goes after a guy who's carrying a live bomb in his hands? Well, apparently Nurse Rose does... which makes me ask a question whether she has enough common sense to take care of patients-"

"Meredith," Dr. Wyatt put an end to the verbal diarrhea. "What did you want to tell me so much that you threw a patient out of my office?"

Meredith took a deep breath and said gently, stopping to beat around the bush, "I've got my homework done."

Dr. Wyatt observed her shrewdly waiting for her next words hopefully.

"The bomb… the bomb did my homework for me," went on Meredith. "I told you I felt like I would die today. I was right. I would have died today if something happened to Derek."

She considered her next words staring at her hands, only to look back at her therapist. "I love Derek. I've known that quite some time, even before I told him but I… I underestimated what it meant. It doesn't go away, it can't be controlled… It's… a force to be reckoned with."

Her voice shook slightly but she continued, "I won't forget about him, the feeling won't pass. Because I do love him, like no one else. And life without him hurts."

Dr. Wyatt gave her a relieved smile, "I'm glad you realized and accepted your feelings, Meredith. It was time."

"I don't know if I'm equally glad," she chuckled slightly. "My denial strategy has just flown out of the window and crashed it's neck against the sidewalk."

"Finally! Have you talked to Derek yet?"

Meredith went listless. "What for?" she asked weakly.

"Meredith," Dr. Wyatt pierced her with her regard. "You've just admitted you love Derek, that it hurts to live without him."

"It does," nodded Meredith. "But it doesn't change the fact that he's better off without me. "

"Meredith," Dr. Wyatt shook her head. "You're… like a patient dying slowly alone while the love of your life is in the room next door."

"Look, I know how hard it is to live with pain every day. I do know that perfectly well," said firmly Meredith raising her voice.

"Do you?" inquired the therapist. "It was different with Chace. He was dead, you didn't have to see him every day, talk to him, work with him-"

"I know that!" Meredith raised her hands. "I know how hard it would be for me to function alongside Derek. That's why I've made a decision."

Dr. Wyatt leaned back into her armchair waiting impatiently to hear what Meredith Grey came up with this time. She had a feeling she wouldn't like it.

* * *

Addison wondered how many calories she managed to burn pacing up and down in front of Meredith's office. Her patience was wearing thin as she waited and waited, and waited. She knew well enough that her friend had no more professional engagements this evening. Where the hell Meredith was roaming now rested an enigma. At long last, Addie heard the characteristic fast clicking of her heels and Meredith turned up from around the corner.

"Finally!" she rounded on her.

"Addie," frowned Meredith. "I-"

"I don't care what you!" warned her the redhead. "We're gonna talk and we're gonna talk frank! No bullshit! No more lies and excuses, Meredith! I saw right through you! You do care for Derek, you never stopped caring for Derek. Don't you deny that! You were at your wits' end today, you were a puddle of mush at his feet-"

"Seriously," Meredith cut in, somewhat disgusted. "Stop yelling."

"I won't stop yelling, Meredith Grey-"

"Come in," said simply Meredith and moved aside to let Addison inside.

"I- Ok," she nodded disconcertedly. "I have no idea what happened to us," she sighed. "We stopped talking altogether… I should have nailed you ages ago, I should have-"

"Addie," silenced her gently Meredith sitting down behind her desk. "Before I tell you anything, just remember you're my person. You're not Derek's person, you're not Mark's person. You're my person and you should be on my side."

"Ok," nodded Addie with a tiniest of frowns.

"Ugh, where should I start?" Meredith let out a deep sigh swinging her chair from side to side.

"Maybe from the moment when I stopped to comprehend anything?" proposed Addie. "Like… Derek's birthday? You seemed so happy."

"I was," confirmed Meredith, her finger tracing the edge of her desk. She was so happy at that time that even now it brought warm tingles over her skin. "I was in love, I was ecstatic and then… I saw… Derek and Gretchen Miles sharing a kiss," she spew out, the memory making her nauseous.

Addison's jaw slacked down. "What?" she shrieked. "That's… that's impossible! He would never…"

"I know," nodded Meredith. "Now I know he would never. It was all Gretchen's doing, she threw herself all over him like I knew she would."

"I can't believe it!" breathed out Addison. "I… I… You're sure you… it was him… and… and her?"

"I'm absolutely sure, I witnessed it first hand," answered Meredith curtly. "Not the sight I'd be ever able to erase from my brain, even with the use of bleach."

"Okay, okay," muttered Addie trying to wrap her mind around it. "But you've just said it wasn't Derek's fault?"

"I kind of overheard them talking… okay, eavesdropped," she admitted. "What I gathered from their conversation was that she tried really hard… without much success."

"That…" Addie trailed off looking for a good word.

"Sucks," finished for her Meredith.

"How long have you known about it?"

"A few weeks," she shrugged.

"A few weeks?" repeated Addison disbelievingly. "And you've done absolutely nothing-"

"Addie, me and Derek, it's over," stated firmly Meredith. "Our relationship is deceased, I killed it myself. Let it rest in peace."

"That's… morbid," shook Addison.

"Well, I was compared to a dying patient today," chuckled Meredith.

"Mer, please, give it a second thought," she pleaded. "You love Derek, Derek loves you, it's really basic science."

"Don't try to persuade me, it's hard already as it is. You're supposed to be on my side!"

Addison shook her head but reached a hand over the desk to squeeze Meredith's.

"If it hurts so much, why don't you-"

"It does hurt but…" the rest of her sentence hung on the tip of her tongue. Dr. Wyatt didn't approve of her idea and it was painfully certain Addison wouldn't either. "I might be gone soon."

"Gone… where?" stammered the redhead squinting her eyes, completely baffled. "You're taking a leave? A vacation?"

"No, I ah… I might resign."

"Sorry… what?" asked Addison for the hundredth time that evening. "You want to quit? We can't quit!"

"It's true, _we_ can't," agreed Meredith. "But I can. You found your place here, Addie. I would never ask you to leave it behind."

"You can't… you can't…"

"I can. I'm old enough, I'm strong enough to be on my own."

"God, Meredith, you're serious!" Addison rushed to her feet, resuming the pacing. "Where the hell would you go?" she faced her friend, her hands falling limply to her sides in defeat. "You're thinking about going back to New York?"

"No, that chapter in my life is closed. I'm considering two other options."

"Two options? My ears are open, Meredith," Addison shot sarcastically. "I'm listening."

"So, Doctors Without Borders… but I don't know if I'm committed enough…"

Addison rubbed her face determined to wake up from the dream she was having. "And the other… option?"

"Private practice. You know I had lunch with Sam and Naomi when I was at that business trip in Los Angeles. They want to expand."

"Tell me… that you're joking, please, Mer," laughed Addison. "I don't believe… I can't believe you'd abandon the position of Chief, everything you've worked for so far!"

"I've tasted it," shrugged Meredith. "It's lost its appeal for me. Besides, maybe another person's direction would prove more beneficial to Seattle Grace."

"Of course it wouldn't!" Addison protested violently.

"We'll see."

"What does that mean?"

"We'll see when the rankings come up," replied calmly Meredith. "Just one week left."

"So what exactly are you saying?" Addison demanded clarification. "You're jumping the ship if we're lower in the rankings than the last year?"

"I'm doing what's best for this hospital," smiled leniently Meredith. _And Derek._

* * *

"Sit!" growled Mark as he once again pulled Derek's arm down.

"I've just wanted to order a beer," excused himself Derek.

"Sure," snorted Mark taking a long swig from his bottle. "You haven't even finished your first round yet. Chill out a bit, man. Addie isn't here yet. That can mean two things, either she's still wrestling with Grey or she's already lying in a pool of blood."

"You've got too much to drink," commented Derek morosely.

"And you too little," came the uninventive riposte. "You're alive, you should be in a festive mood."

Derek looked around the bar with a sigh. Everyone else clearly enjoyed themselves celebrating the relatively positive outcome of the bomb episode and waiting for the midnight to strike and bring the New Year. Joe's was bursting at the seams with Seattle Grace staff, taking part in what looked like a contest to get wasted as soon as possible. Currently, Cristina Yang was probably in the lead.

"I know everything!"

Derek jumped in his seat as Addison's yell trying to shout over the merry crowd reverberated in his ear.

"I've got good and bad news, which one do you want to hear first?" she hollered.

Before he had any chance to react, the music died down and someone's very drunk voice shouted on top of their lungs, "Shut up, people! The vagina head's dishin' outtt on Chief an' Shep!"

"Coming here was such a great idea," reproached Derek scowling at Mark as Seattle Gracers huddled around them, surprisingly quiet giving their inebriated state.

"Whatever," muttered resignedly Derek looking up at Addison. "What do you know?" Whatever Addison discovered would be circling down the drain in no time. The gossip of this level of juiciness couldn't stay quiet for long, as simple as that.

"Good or bad news?" asked Addison sitting down across Derek and Mark.

"Good of course!" said Mark. "He's been like a lost kid for more than a month. He almost died today. Another blow would kill him."

"So the good part is that she still loves you-" The deafening whoops and cheers all around him made Derek wonder if his hearing was left unimpaired. He felt his excitement grow by the second though he held back with expressing his enthusiasm as loudly as his friends. There was still bad news to be announced.

"She told you that?" asked Derek when the party calmed down a little.

"She did," nodded Addison. "If she broke up with you it wasn't for lack of love but because… she saw you kissing another woman," finished clearly Addison as she cocked her head throwing him a searching slightly reproachful glance.

This time, shocked cries sounded from every corner of the bar and Derek cringed at angry noises.

"Bastard!"

"Two-timing asshole!"

"Aaaaass!"

"Ooops," Mark raised his eyebrows swallowing another gulp of beer.

"I didn't-" started Derek but was effectively cut by Addison.

"Think carefully what you're going to say," she warned him.

"Yeah, you better," breathed Mark eyeing the fuming crowd mistrustfully.

Derek closed his eyes for an instant as Gretchen's face drifted in his memories. The whole kissing incident became so small and insignificant that he completely forgot about it. How ironic, it was seemingly the epicenter of the catastrophe. "Gretchen…" he sighed burying his face into his hands. "I didn't, I didn't kiss her!" he assured quickly straightening. "She kissed me, I didn't kiss her! I need to explain-"

"Sit down," ordered Addison. "Meredith knows that. She knows it's not your fault, she knows it's all Gretchen's doing. Although, I personally think you should have never allowed such a situation to occur."

"What a bitch!" They heard Izzie Steven's angered opinion.

"Iz, maybe you shouldn't have the next round," Alex tried to take her shot glass from her resisting hands.

"Does anybody know the whore's address?" someone asked viciously. "We could send her lice in an envelope!"

"So, where does it leave me?" demanded Derek soberly. "If Meredith knows all that why isn't she here?"

"Because… she regards your relationship as dead," said Addison sympathetically. "I tried to reason with her, she doesn't listen. She repeats that it's all over and it will be better like that for everyone in the long run."

"Poor thing!" one of the nurses sobbed emphatically.

"She was absolutely devastated today!"

"It doesn't matter," threw Derek feverishly. "I need to talk to her! Now I'm sure, I'll be able communicate with her!"

"Wait, Derek," she stopped him dejectedly. "There are more pressing matters. It's time for the bad news."

"I thought the last bit was the bad news," ranted Mark. "What could possibly be worse than the fact she doesn't want Shep?"

"Maybe the fact that she's leaving?" shrugged Addie sarcastically, followed by another series of stunned outcries.

A cold chill ran down Derek's spine.

"Yer freakin' kiddin'!" cried Cristina drunkenly, supported by Owen's arms hooked around her waist.

"Not kidding," said seriously Addie. "If Seattle Grace is down in the rankings, she's "entrusting the steers into more capable hands" as she put it."

"Damn, that's actually… bad," Mark shook his head.

"Does anyone know how we're standing?" asked Owen reasonably glancing over his colleagues.

"O'Malley!" yelled Cristina.

"O'Malley! O'Malley!"

"We're actually pretty go-" started George from the booth he occupied with Callie.

"Don't say that, you'll jinx it!" growled Mark. "There's only a week left. What's done it's done. We can at least be on our best not to screw that up."

"We can do some more pro bono," Izzie thought loudly.

"I guess," agreed Mark.

Cristina burped soundly and hiccoughed, "Weerr keepn'er!"

"Yeah, we are," chuckled Owen and placed her arm around his neck. "And it's your bedtime, princess."

The bar was once again filled with noise, shuffling of numerous feet and screeching of chairs as everyone started to pay their dues or look for their coats dejectedly.

Joe and Walter stood behind the counter watching transfixed as the throng of medical staff filed out into the January coldness. Walter stopped his boyfriend's hand as it kept cleaning the same glass for the past twenty minutes, his mouth agape.

"Wow, it was actually better than that hit medical drama," said Walter in awe.

"Yeah," nodded Joe and looked at the large clock on the wall which now indicated five minutes past midnight. "Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year, Joe," nodded Walter. "It's going to be one hell of a year, I can feel it in my bones."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

* * *

**A/N You didn't see that coming, did you…?**

**Next update – it's the ranking time… and Meredith's decision. (No need to worry, I'm not sending her neither off Seattle.)**

**Please, comment!**

**Yours, **

**Em :)**

**P.S. Even if MerDer are getting together soonish we're nowhere near the end of this fic. I still have plans :).**


	36. Chapter 36: Don't Leave Home

Meredith squashed an empty coffee cup and threw it into the bin, entering the crowded lobby. She stifled a chuckle at the sight before her, halting behind a huddled mass of her subordinates. They were strangely resembling a group of kids, joking, laughing, standing up on their tiptoes for a better look at the computer screen. Meredith knew well enough what was the reason for that. She took a nervous glance at the clock as it struck the full hour. The rankings for the past year should have just been announced, determining her fate. They basically constituted her be or not to be at this hospital and she awaited them with both dread and hope.

An intense sadness crept up on her heart at the prospect of leaving Seattle. Her journey here irrevocably changed her life in the ways she had not foreseen. It made her richer in experiences, both good and bad. It made her discover love in its full; she believed her stay here made her a better person.

However, she could not stay here much longer. Being close to Derek, yet not fully, brought an excruciating pain. Especially so, as he completely abandoned the avoidance tactics he had taken up after she openly rejected him on Christmas. Meredith suspected the intensified attempts on his part were all Addison's doing. She undoubtedly spilled the beans about her secret feelings, not only to Derek as it would seem. The hospital community was much gentler in her regard, sometimes openly playing matchmaker to her and Derek. She would find it hilarious if it wasn't so painful.

Though it could all end in the next few minutes. She held strong suspicions the results would set her free.

"Back up!" Bailey's annoyed voice sounded over the heads.

"I'm trying to see!" Meredith recognized Derek's whining voice.

"It's not up yet!" bit back Miranda who was sitting in front of the computer, getting irritated by the swarming around her. "There's nothing see!"

"It's supposed to be posted at four!" reminded impatiently Cristina.

"It's 4.15," muttered Mark.

Apparently, Seattle Gracers revived their competitive streak. For the past week, Meredith watched with her eyebrows raised in surprise how they doubled their efforts, worked longer hours, had more pro bono surgeries than in the past months put together; all in all, their behavior was spotless.

"Hit the refresh button," suggested Cristina. "You have to reload the page."

Miranda slapped her hand and replied irritably, "I'm hitting the refresh button every ten seconds. Let's just… wait."

"Is it up yet?"

"No!"

"Is it up yet?" another voice asked.

"No! Wait!"

"Think we move up a slot," offered Mark to fill the moment. "Pass Hopkins, move to number one."

"We're not passing Hopkins," Derek shook his head. "But we're moving up to two." At least he hoped so. He didn't hold such demanding wishes as to automatically jump on the top of the list. Just one place higher would suffice to keep Meredith in Seattle.

"Mayo could fight kicking and screaming to stay where they are," remarked Cristina. "We'd stay three."

"Three? Pessimist…" sighed Derek resignedly.

"Realist," argued Cristina. "The rankings of teaching hospitals change based on any number of things. So if there's a tie… Say we're three again, does anyone know what she's-"

Izzie elbowed her gently clearing her throat, trying to silently convey that the Chief was with them.

"Could you all make some space for Dr. Grey to come and see the results herself?" asked Miranda turning back and looking at her through a gap in the crowd.

"No, I'm good here," assured her Meredith. "Is it up?"

"Not yet."

"Well, three's top five," said Mark encouragingly. "We could live with three."

"Hit the refresh button again," asked Alex.

"I am hitting the refresh-" blew up Miranda making everyone take a step back. Derek let out another deep sigh while Mark swung his legs sitting on the desk. He'd have lots of fun if he wasn't worried about his best friend and his girlfriend who might lose one of the most important people in their lives due to that ranking. "Ok, all of you, back up. Stop hovering, stop speculating! The rankings will go up when they go up. We have no control over when they're posted. When it is up, I will say it is up! Until then back up! Shut up, and leave me alone-"

"It's up!" said Lexie with a small voice, her eyes glued to the screen.

Everyone pressed themselves as close as they could in order to learn their score. Meredith's heartbeat picked up… She'd know in an instant…

"Number one, Hopkins," announced Miranda. "Number two, Seattle Grace. Number three, Mayo… Go back, number two, Seattle Grace!"

"We made it!" exclaimed Izzie excitedly.

"Of course we did," stated naturally Cristina as though she hadn't voiced a completely opposite opinion mere minutes before.

The lobby broke in applause and cheerful laughter, some of them breathed out with relief. Derek finally felt the ground beneath his feet. Meredith was staying, they'd have the time to work everything out, smooth over all misunderstandings between them. She'd yield, Derek was sure of it. She couldn't resist him at the beginning of their relationship, she wouldn't now.

"Scroll down," said Addison urgently. "There's a written commentary at the bottom."

"There sure is," nodded Miranda and cleared her throat. "_Many questioned the choice of Dr. Richard Webber when Dr. Meredith Grey, the former Head of Neurosurgery at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York, replaced him at the position of the Chief in the best medical institution on the west coast."_

Nice of them not to mention that the ones who questioned the choice the most were Seattle Grace own doctors_,_ snorted Meredith inwardly.

"_Today there is no doubt whatsoever that it was another wise decision of the man who made Seattle Grace Hospital blossom. The new Chief is a breath of fresh air for the Rain City's first hospital and hospital management in general, as she embraces with uncanny skill medical novelties and the tradition of hard work and commitment to medicine alike. Thanks to her confident and well-timed decisions SGH can boast both talented dedicated staff as well as state-of-the-art equipment. Seattle Grace doctors do not shy away from innovative solutions but the dedication and attention are exemplary at every level of patient care. The same applies for the quality of teaching, which remains conscientious, demanding and resourceful. Provided the trend continues, it will not come us a surprise if Seattle Grace takes the lead in the next year rankings. Follow the link to see the detailed report illustrated with charts."_

"God, we're good!" hissed Cristina satisfactorily.

"We kick ass!" grinned Izzie.

Addie made her way to Meredith and hugged her tightly. "You see? We're the best. Or well, we're second," she said enthusiastically. "You can't leave, not with the rankings like that!"

Everyone started to clap their hands again while Meredith detached herself from her best friend. She hadn't corrected Addie's faulty assumption for the whole week, simply because it was easier this way.

Meredith smiled slightly and raised her hand calling for silence.

"So, I don't have to add much to what Dr. Bailey has just read," she started in a calm gentle voice, even though her throat threatened to constrict painfully. She waited a few seconds for the cheers to die down and took up, "I'd like to thank all of you for your hard work and dedication during the past year, and I want to congratulate you… you did make it."

Her words were followed with another round of applause. She took a deep breath surveying the smiling faces before her. "I see no reason why Seattle Grace wouldn't jump even higher next year-"

"Damn right!"

"Watch out, Hopkins!"

The room was momentarily filled with booming laughter.

"And I hope," continued Meredith, "that as we're celebrating our success this year, you'll be able to celebrate an even bigger one… with the new chief."

Her announcement was met with a wall of stunned silence, as though everyone questioned the accuracy of their hearing. They exchanged puzzled glances as Meredith went on, "I'd like to thank each and every one of you for allowing me to manage this hospital for the past year, I'm well aware it wasn't easy. I'm immensely grateful for giving me the chance to work with you and to get to know you. It gave me an opportunity to learn a lot, thank you."

She concluded her brief speech wondering what she should do next, wait for any questions that might follow or run away to avoid them. The sudden complete change of mood amongst her colleagues was making her uncomfortable. And she couldn't bear looking at Derek, who went rigid in his pose with a hand over his mouth, like a terrified kid.

However, before she made up her mind, Addie spoke up with apparent disbelief in her voice, "Meredith… you said you'd stay if the rankings were good."

Not something she wanted to discuss in front of the full house but Meredith acknowledged their right to receive some kind of explanation. "I did not say that-"

"Yes, you did!" argued Addison.

"Can you calm down a bit?" pleaded Meredith. "I did say that my resignation depended on the rankings. That is true but… I would never abandon the hospital if my directions made Seattle Grace lose its position. Now we're even higher than the last year, my conscience is clear. I truly believe my successor will guide you to be even better. If everything goes smoothly, and I hope it does, I'll be out of here before the end of the week. Excuse me," she nodded and departed. She had to ultimately draw the papers and make an important phone call.

"Did she just…?" trailed off Derek in a dazed voice.

"Yeah," nodded Mark uneasily.

"She said she was…?"

"Yeah."

Derek sat heavily on the desk. "So, it's just… it?" he asked disbelievingly. He was so sure it would all work out. And his hopes got crushed all over again. What was he going to do if she carried out her plans? It was torture to endure the separation from her. But seeing her leave forever? He wouldn't survive that. He tried so hard for the past week, everyone tried hard for the past week. And all they did was to double their efforts ultimately pushing for her to step down. How ironic and unjust was that? It seemed he wasn't alone in these musings.

"Damn," muttered Mark, rubbing his cheek pensively. "Looks like we sabotaged ourselves."

"So, what now?" Bailey clasped her hands together and stood up facing all of them with eager expectation. "What? We've got to do something, right?"

"Like what?" shrugged Cristina. "She wants to get the hell out of this place. What is there to be done?"

"That's what we need to figure out," replied simply Bailey. "Hey, do you want to watch him mope around like that _forever?_" she pointed at Derek, cocking an eyebrow.

"Anyone any ideas?" called Cristina over the dispersing crowd.

* * *

Not even an hour passed since Meredith fled the lobby, and that short period of time allowed her to make a call to one of the board members, print and sign her resignation and make it all ready to be sent, when she was interrupted by a sudden knock on her door. Patricia stuck her head in and announced with a stoic expression, "Someone's here to see you, Chief."

Not attending her answer, the secretary moved aside to let Addison come in, then Mark, then Derek, followed by Owen, Bailey, Cristina, George, the remaining department heads and a few more senior attendings so now the vast office was filled to the brim.

Meredith slowly stood up with her hands propped on the desk and a concerned frown on her forehead. "What is this? What is going on?"

The doctors exchanged quick looks and George stepped slightly forward clearing his throat. "As the… as the core part of the staff we came… to discuss your decision with you."

"Discuss my decision?" she repeated. "I assure you that the process will go on smoothly, without any damage to Seattle Grace-"

"That's not our concern," George dared to cut her across.

"Oh, if it's about the chief position, I don't think you'll have to deal with anyone from outside this time," Meredith managed to say. Now as she was sure of her departure, her pain seemed to hit her square in the face. She was leaving everything behind her. Derek, who was piercing her with his eyes, and her hospital. Soon enough, someone else would fill her shoes, become the chief, occupy this office. "I won't take part in the decision-making unless I'm asked for an opinion. And even then you can be sure, it will be based on utterly professional premises."

"That is not what we want to talk about either," answered George calmly. "We do not agree with your decision in general."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Meredith, a frown creasing her forehead as she stared at her subordinates quizzically.

"It means that we think you should revise your decisions to step down," took up Bailey with a serious face.

"That…. That is not under discussion," said Meredith defensively. "I don't know who put you up to this," her eyes swept accusingly over Derek, Mark and Addison, "but if that's all you've come to me with, you can go back to work."

Nobody moved an inch while Cristina insisted, "Don't you think we've got a voice in the matter?"

"In my decision to quit from the office? No, I don't think so," remarked Meredith crisply.

"Well, we do," countered Bailey. "Especially so as it will negatively affect the workings of this hospital."

"It won't," argued Meredith. "It-"

"Of course it will, Meredith!" exclaimed Addison. "You're leaving! Not even a whole year after you started. The hospital needs continuity."

"Don't try to blackmail me, Addie," Meredith stood strung out, her arms stiffly folded over her chest.

"I'm not blackmailing you. I'm telling you that this hospital needs you, we need you," she emphasized.

"Oh, please," snorted Meredith. "Don't make this personal."

"She isn't," backed her up George. "We all feel that way. You're an excellent chief, we make a pretty good team."

Meredith eyed him disbelievingly. "A good team? Everyone has hated me since the moment I set my foot in here," she reminded.

"That is not true," said Mark. "There were some initial… differences but we all know everything goes smoothly now."

"I'm positive it will go even smoother with my replacement. And it will be much easier for you. You won't be forced to work with a stranger."

"Easier doesn't necessarily mean better," argued Miranda reasonably. "You know how to impose order in this place, you're not afraid to speak your mind, to enforce what you think is best for the hospital, and it always is."

"You're bossy," remarked gently Derek, a shadow of a smile on his lips, "it… keeps us in line."

Meredith's jaw was set and her face hardened. Why did they make it so difficult out of a sudden? Did they actually try to convince her she was wanted, universally wanted? Not possible.

"There's still so much to be done here," Owen launched himself in the conversation while the rest nodded vigorously. "You're in the middle of changing the face of this place."

"Enough of this," stopped them Meredith raising her hand though her voice remained calm. "My decisions is final. I repeat, my decision is final! I've already spoken to Jennings from the board and I'm just on my way to send the resignation. There's nothing that could change my mind and frankly, I don't even understand why you're trying."

"Oh, come on," snapped Cristina losing her patience. "We've all come here to talk to you. I think it's pretty clear why. The least you could is to talk to us."

"I don't need to explain myself," cut off Meredith.

"No, you don't have to. That's true," bit back Cristina. "Just don't give us the bullshit about the hospital's wellbeing because we all know it's all about your-"

"Cristina," shot Owen warningly.

"You know, this is enough," Meredith said with a final note in her voice and picked up an envelope from her desk. "Since you have nothing substantial to say to me, you'll excuse me. I have lots to do. Oh, and when I'm back," she said as she walked to the door, "I expect you to not be here."

She walked out passing Patricia's desk and into the corridor, unexpectedly bumping into a group of residents, sneaking around and waiting for any news. She folded her arms looking at them sternly. Not much changed in that respect since her first week.

"We're just…" stammered one of the interns.

"Waiting for our attendings," provided quickly another. "We've got… results… and results…"

"This is not a waiting room," scolded Meredith and everyone started to disperse in haste. "Lexie!" she called after half-sister.

"Dr. Grey?" the brunette looked up at her with apparent concern. "Uhm, Meredith?"

"Do you know if your parents are home tonight?"

Lexie's eyebrows rose in shock. "My… you mean my Mom and… and Dad?"

"That would imply the term "your parents", yes," threw sarcastically Meredith.

"It's a… it's Monday today," thought Lexie aloud. "Yeah, they… they have the neighborhood watch meeting this evening so, yeah, they'll be home."

"Thank you," nodded Meredith and moved to walk away.

"Why? Do you want to come?" asked Lexie eagerly but her sister dropped the conversation altogether, hurriedly walking away. Her senior staff was just leaving her office and she wanted to avoid any further verbal sparring.

* * *

One part of her difficult goodbye with Seattle was past her. She broke the news to immensely surprised Jennings who would call in at Seattle Grace the next day to talk over and finalize her decision. Her written resignation was already on its way. There was no turning back, she burnt all the bridges.

It was ironic in a sense, as right now she was going to repair some. She still couldn't believe she was doing it. Though as she made her way from the hospital building to her car she felt sure it was a good thing to do, a thing she needed to do before moving on with her life. She never thought she'd ever seek contact with her father on her own will, but… there she was.

Meredith was fully aware that there was a week till she'd be able to know some relief, which was promptly confirmed by the sight of Derek leaning against the front door to her Porsche, taking her breath away a little as usual. Her step slowed down but she braced herself bravely and steered herself forward.

He heard her purposeful footsteps; his back tensed and he turned around to face her just as she halted, only a few feet before him.

Two pair of eyes locked in a daze, two hearts beat in the same racing rhythm, there were two clouds of vapour exhaled by two sets of lungs that encountered equal trouble while breathing normally. Finally, Meredith cleared her throat uncomfortably and uttered quietly with a halfhearted gesture towards her car door, "Can you… can you move aside? I have… stuff to do."

"No, I can't move aside, Meredith," he answered gently. "Because if I do, you'll disappear. You'll vanish before I even have a chance to blink."

She swallowed hard and looked down on the snow distractedly, suddenly feeling overpowered. She was so tired of fighting, like a fish out of the water trying to catch air.

"Meredith, I know you saw… you saw me and…" his voice cracked a little. "But I swear," he put his hands together like in a prayer, "I swear it meant nothing, she-"

"I know," said Meredith with a small voice. "I know you're the most innocent party in this mess."

"That's what Addison told me," he breathed deeply. "You know but you still don't… you still can't… I would have never thought that she could stand between us, Meredith." He raked his hair in frustration.

"She's not standing between us, Derek," Meredith shook her head slowly.

"Then why aren't we together?" asked Derek desperately. "Why aren't we together and happy? Do you… do you remember how happy we were?" the last question he addressed was much gentler.

"I do," he replied not waiting for her. He hesitated but finally raised his hand. His fingers grazed her chin making her face his regard. She all but shuddered at the contact. "We were so good. Do you remember the whole long days spent here at Grace, filled with work and secret dates? The sleepless nights when we made love until dawn and then some?" He stepped closer, mere inches separating their faces. "I do remember every single thing, every detail," he whispered and his warm breath fanned her cheeks. "I remember the way you looked, naked and ready for me. I remember your scent, the feel of your heated skin… the way you moved under me…"

At this point Meredith had grave difficulties forming coherent thought. He was attacking her brain with a flow of very... graphic verbal stimuli. Damn, he did remember her responsiveness, the tiny little fact that sex was her weakness, or a strength, depending on how you looked at it.

"Derek, I'm so…" she shook her head, jerking it back out of his reach.

"You're so…?" he prompted.

"It doesn't matter," she bit her lip in effort to hold herself together and fidgeted trying to coax him out of her way. "We're over, don't make this harder than it has to be."

"It doesn't have to be hard at all," he argued but stepped aside reluctantly. "One word of yours, Mer, and it can be easy."

"No, it can't, Derek!" she exclaimed impatiently and slipped inside her car. "You don't understand… anything!"

"Then make me understand why we're in the same square we were in March?" he leaned over the car door preventing her from shutting it close.

"We're not in the same square. We're past it, we're over it," she stated hiding her eyes behind black sunglasses. "There's too much water under the thing… or whatever."

"You know your stubbornness makes my head ache," he chuckled, "but I still love you for it, because it makes you who you are."

Meredith tapped her fingers over the steering wheel. "Let me go, Derek," she pleaded, her hand reaching for the door.

"I will let you go today," he answered bending forward so his lips practically caressed her ear. "I will give you time to think about what I've just said. And please, do think about it, because that's the last time I'm asking nicely. Tomorrow I won't be so cooperative…" he breathed out and buried his nose into her hair behind her ear briefly while she quivered at the threatening note hidden in his voice, not from fear but excitement. Excitement that went straight to her core.

She felt a loss when he backed away to close her door gently. He then moved to the sidewalk and stood facing her with his arms crossed over his chest.

Meredith cursed in her head. The bastard talked like he owned her! She started the engine violently. Well, he did… and he made her doubt her decision.

* * *

"And?" asked Mark expectantly as Derek approached the little group of doctors waiting for him at the door to Meredith's office. "Has she listened to reason?"

"Do you think I'd be here if she had?" asked Derek gently.

"No," admitted Mark. "You'd be screwing like bunnies somewhere around."

"Mark, can you just please refrain from making this type of comments right now?" Addison rolled her eyes with annoyance.

"Yeah, can you?" sighed Derek.

"Oh, I'm sorry," smirked Mark. "I forgot you haven't had any since time immemorial."

"I can't believe I'm here," muttered Cristina with unmasked irritation.

The flow of complaints that would undeniably spill out of her mouth was prevented by the appearance of George who was cowering at the door peeking at the corridor.

"So, the coast is clear?" he whispered dramatically.

"What are you twelve, Bambi?" snorted Cristina.

"It is," interrupted her Derek. "Meredith went home. Did you found what we need?"

"Yeah, of course," he nodded confidently. "I told you, I know the safe combination! Come in."

One by one they followed inside the office for the second time that day, passing Patricia on the way.

"Make yourself at home," she ranted. "Just don't make any mess because I'll be the one to sort it out before she comes in tomorrow."

They gathered around Meredith's desk and George spread the documents he had retrieved from the safe.

"That's her contract," he explained.

Derek took one of the papers into his hands and started to skim it.

"That's a lot of formal mumbo-jumbo," frowned Mark, brining another document in front of his eyes.

"What, has fixing boobs fried your brain?" jabbed Cristina. "Let's just get it done. I want to go home before the beginning of the next century."

"You don't need to stay and help, Cristina," berated her Izzie. "Why do you even care? Don't you hate her anyway?"

"I don't hate her, okay?" Cristina answered back. "She gave me the head job when anyone else at her place wouldn't have and I am grateful for that. I don't bite the hand that feeds me. So, I'm here to help, okay?"

"Hey!" bellowed George. "If you could just listen to me we would come up with something to do much faster!"

"Why? What do you know?" asked quickly Addison.

"Well, from what I gather from this text," George waved the contract in the air, "it was made up for two years."

"Yeah, you're right," nodded Addie. "That was the hospital's safety belt. One year would be too short to evaluate her work but two enough to see if-"

"If she was screwing up," finished for her Cristina. "She's contracted for two years so what's the deal? She can't leave."

"I'd love to see you trying to tell her what she can and cannot do," snorted Mark.

"May I continue?" George shouted over. "The contract is for two years but she doesn't have to stay for the whole period."

"Damn, there's a loophole?" asked Derek.

"Yeah, it says she can walk freely without any liabilities if she encounters unsolvable problems she is unable to cope with herself," went on George.

"Unsolvable problems? What does that imply?" Izzie demanded clarification.

"It's not specified," he shook his head. "But I suppose it has to be something outside her control that makes her work here impossible. She could put a lot of things here. I'm pretty sure it might be related to problems with staff managing. It's pretty obvious she didn't have a warm welcome here," he looked at his colleagues with reproach. "It makes sense, it's believable. The board won't have any doubts."

"So what now?" breathed deeply Derek. "We can't do anything?"

"I didn't say that," shrugged George. "There's… how to say it, a loophole in the loophole."

"Come again?" asked Izzie.

"Dr. Grey can't leave the hospital during a crisis situation," he stated simply.

"A crisis situation?" wondered Mark. "We've had one quite recently. Anyone can get hold of a bomb again?"

"I've got it!" exclaimed Izzie enthusiastically. "I know a way out! But we need to act together or it won't work."

"You want to set up a Meredith Grey's fan club?" snorted Cristina.

"Pretty much," laughed off the blond. "Just listen. One resignation is not a crisis right? But what if… everyone does…?"

"Now you completely lost it!" gritted out Cristina as she realized what her friend was getting at.

**A/N I hoped you liked the update ****even if it seemed a bit uneven to me…**

**I'm probably repeating myself but ****MerDer will be fixed very very soon. You'll like the way the next update ends, trust me ;)**

**Waiting for your thoughts as always,**

**Em**


	37. Chapter 37: Sweet Surrender

**A/N The ****big plan comes to fruition…**

* * *

Meredith silently willed all thoughts of Derek disappear out of her head. His little speech in the car park was reigniting hope in her heart, which she couldn't allow to happen. She couldn't let her newly established philosophy to crumble. She had to leave before she managed to hurt Derek again. Thankfully, she was about to do something that could cement her resolution. She just wouldn't be able to stay in Seattle afterwards.

Soon after she rang the doorbell, she was greeted by a visibly surprised but smiling Susan.

"Meredith! What a surprise!"

Apparently, Lexie didn't mention anything to her parents. That was kind of nice of her, giving her the chance to change her mind without unnecessary fuss. "I hope… I'm not interrupting," Meredith said politely.

"Of course you're not interrupting," Susan shook her head and stepped aside to let her guest in. "Come in, come in. You've come just in time, we're making dinner."

"Oh, I won't stay that long. It will take just a couple of minutes."

She followed Susan into the kitchen where her father was stirring the contents of a pot on fire.

"Thatch, give me this," told him Susan taking away the spoon. "We have a guest, _you_ have a guest."

He turned around, wiping his hands over his sweater and his eyes widened in shock at the sight of his oldest daughter.

"Mer… Meredith," he stammered, making a few awkward steps towards her. "I'm so sor-"

"You don't have to talk," she cut him simply. "I came here but not because I want to hear you talk. I came because I want to talk. Last time, last time I said some things. I said what I felt, what I still feel."

Thatcher looked like he was ready to speak but she didn't let him. "However, I am leaving Seattle… in a couple of days. For all I know, I'm not coming back, ever. That's why I don't want to leave unfinished business of any kind behind me. I need closure to certain chapters of my life."

She was met with a moment of stunned silence and then…

"You're leaving?" asked Susan disbelievingly. "What about your job?"

"I'm stepping down," nodded Meredith.

"Why? Has something happened? Is there something wrong with the hospital?"

"No, the hospital has never been better."

"And that doctor… Your… boyfriend?" asked shyly Thatcher.

"I don't have a boyfriend," she answered automatically. "Look, it doesn't matter why I'm moving."

"Meredith, if it's for personal reasons," he cleared his throat. "Don't… don't run away. Don't make the same mistake your mother-"

"That's a bit rich coming from you!" she snapped. "I've never seen you coming for me, I haven't discovered a drawer of unopened cards!"

Thatcher nodded sadly, "I meant to say the mistake your mother and I made."

"Let's not talk about this," stopped him Meredith. "I'm moving on with my life. I don't want our last encounter to be an argument."

"Where are you going to go, Meredith?" asked gently Susan. "Do you have a prospect of a new job?"

"Actually, I do," she answered breaking the awkwardness lingering in the air. "I'll be joining my friends' practice in Los Angeles."

"Oh, great," Susan nodded enthusiastically. "You're replacing downpours and snowstorms with sun and sandy beaches. You know, we've always wanted to break out to California. You won't mind us calling for a visit some time in the spring?"

Meredith's jaw clenched. "I'm not set on LA all that much yet," she gritted patiently as Susan ushered her to sit down at the table and join them for dinner. "I've been thinking about Africa as well…"

* * *

Next morning, Meredith woke up with a persistent feeling that the day which was just beginning would be decisive for the course of her entire life. Suddenly, all the little habits seemed to take up a new meaning, no doubt because the days she would follow them were counted. She got up, took a shower, made herself look impeccable and the only crease she was wearing was that on her forehead. Why was there even one? Because she had a feeling that something was out of place, a feeling somewhat strengthened by surreptitious looks Addison was giving her all throughout their silent breakfast.

"What?" snapped finally Meredith putting her mug of coffee on the table with a thud.

"Nothing!" shrugged the red head innocently.

"Seriously," Meredith cocked her head with a skeptical expression on her face. "I haven't heard a word of lecture from you since yesterday. Come on, spill it. You might get hypertension if you keep that all bottled up."

"Meredith," Addie put her hand over her heart. "I respect your decision. You sound… pretty decided over what you're going to do and I just want to cherish the time we have left."

Meredith arched her eyebrow, unconvinced. "Sure, I wasn't born yesterday, Addie. Just so you know, whatever it is that you, pretty and prettier, or whoever else is in that conspiracy are plotting, it's not gonna work. Nuh uh." She squinted at her best friend and left the room haughtily, completely unaware of Addison's self-assured smirk. _We'll see…_

By the time Meredith reached the hospital, went through her first procedure and stopped by the nurses' station to drop of a chart, she was certain the conspiracy theory was not her paranoia. The whispering, the looks, the smirks… Meredith wondered if it was all Derek's doing. She had no doubt he had something up his sleeve. The smug look on his face was like a confession statement.

She squinted at him as he caught her staring at him and laughed out loud. However, Meredith didn't have time to ponder on the question what her subordinates, her… Rosemary's babies cooked up this time as she heard her name called.

She turned to face a tall man, going bald at the top of his head.

"Mr. Jennings," she greeted him with a slight surprise. "Weren't we… scheduled for later? And were are other board members?" she frowned slightly looking behind him.

"My colleagues' presence isn't necessary," he answered rather dryly.

"Ah," she raised her eyebrows, slightly offended. They could at least see her off like good manners required; she did make Seattle Grace the second teaching hospital in the country. What a total disrespect, Jennings didn't even wear a suit. "Should we get to my office then?" she offered putting her nerves on hold.

"No need," came Jennings's baffling answer. He glanced around and pointed at a door with his head, "That conference room will suffice. It will just take a minute."

Understanding less and less, Meredith followed him inside the smallest of the conference rooms, the last thing she saw swinging her head being a crowd of her staff watching her like zombies.

"That's gonna blow into our faces," muttered Mark shaking his head. "And she'll have all our names."

"Oh, come on," Cristina rolled her eyes. "What is she gonna do with it? Fire all her staff and be a one man orchestra? Besides, Shepherd will distract her, right?"

"I don't know if Shep still has it in him," Mark patted his shoulder. "He's been… out of commission for a while."

"Whatever," shrugged Cristina. "Annoy her, stalk her, assault her… some women like it rough you know, just don't let her jump at our throats."

"Can you two just shut up?" snipped Derek irritated. He really didn't have to be reminded about his forced celibacy, he felt it all too well on his… skin. Not that he counted or anything, but it was two freaking months, at which point his pent-up sexual energy rivaled that of his teenage years and it was starting to be a tiny bit embarrassing. "I'm trying to see, okay?" he said instead watching the board representative show Meredith a stack of papers, the stack he knew well enough.

"Oh, shit," laughed Cristina. "Look at her face! Priceless!"

* * *

Jennings drew a chair for Meredith and sat down opposite her, his face stern.

"I have to tell you, Dr. Grey," he started gravely, "that after your yesterday's call we were all ready to beg you to stay, accept any conditions you might wish. You're undeniably what this hospital needs, the rankings only proved it. However, if your decision had been final, we would have respected it as you gave a reason why your further management of Seattle Grace was impossible, "a general dislike and negative attitudes towards your person debilitating the hospitals functioning."

"That's right," nodded Meredith.

"Well, then, imagine my surprise, D. Grey, when I received this late last evening," he pushed a pile of documents towards her.

"What's that?" she eyed it and her vision concentrated on the man before her again.

"Go on, see yourself," he prompted. "It's a petition of the staff that supposedly hate you demanding you staying in office, over two hundred signatures."

"What?" Meredith breathed out violently taking the documents into her hands. "It's… it's impossible!"

"That's not all," went on Jennings. "Look inside the folder. These are resignations of all, I repeat all, department heads plus several attendings. The senior staff of this hospital threatens to quit if we dissolve the contract with you."

Meredith's eyes jumped chaotically from line to line, over dozens of hastily scribbled names.

"So, Dr. Grey," concluded Jennings getting to his feet. "I don't think your departure is possible in these circumstances. And if you insist, we'll meet in court."

She kept staring at the wall listlessly, the entire meticulous plan of her was in ruins. She was bound to stay in Seattle, work here, be at Derek's side… Her throat went dry.

"For all it's worth," remarked Jennings on a much gentler note, "I think it was just a misunderstanding that spun out of proportion. You're needed here, and obviously wanted."

Meredith's eyebrows travelled high on her forehead as she cocked her head pensively, only half-listening. _A misunderstanding that spun out of proportion… _Derek and Gretchen in the lab… _You're needed here, and obviously wanted. I love you, Meredith…_

"Dr. Grey?" Jennings studied her suspiciously.

"Oh, I'm sorry?" she brushed off her memories.

"As I was saying, Richard was a great chief but let me tell you, he was too soft on them. These people, they're arrogant, they have God complexes and they're proud of it. You are the right person to keep them in line. And they appreciate it."

Her heart beat faster. _You're bossy, you keep us in line…_

"I don't expect to be disturbed any longer today, Dr. Grey," admonished Jennings. "I'm spending the afternoon at the tennis club. And Friday, I'm going to Hawaii. I'll be receiving no calls."

After he left, Meredith's head sank into the papers. She still couldn't believe that her staff went to such great lengths to keep her… They must have wanted it, she decided as her fingers traced the signatures. No one would force Cristina Yang to put her job at risk, or anyone else for that matter. They wouldn't do that solely for Derek. It looked like somehow… she was wanted at this place… and that thought made her feel warm inside. For a couple of seconds, to be precise. Until, intrigued by the sudden quietness, she raised her head and looked straight through the window out at the lobby and saw everyone staring at her expectantly. That was when the gratitude was replaced by irritation and anger. The bastards, they stepped around her, they disregarded her wishes, they… outsmarted her!

She slammed the folder shut and stood up energetically. They wanted a chief that would keep them in line? They would get just that. She shot out of the conference room and stood before them with her hand on her hips, seething with anger.

"Don't you have a job to do, people?" she bellowed. "You think you're the kings of the world because you're second in the rankings? Keep thinking that and we'll sink like the Titanic. Guess what? We're not taking it easy. We're going to work even harder! And just so you know, if we're not first next year, I will seriously kick your asses for this little stunt!" she waved the papers in the air. "Since when do I have to repeat myself? Move, move, move!"

"Dr. Model is back," commented Mark with a smirk as the lobby swarmed like an ants' nest, acting on the Chief's orders.

"She's back," Derek sighed with glorious relief.

* * *

Meredith watched with sadistic satisfaction as the pit around her was doubling and tripling the efforts to work most quickly and efficiently under the scrupulous eye of the Chief. She was literally everywhere today. In the corridors, in the galleries, in patients' rooms, breathing down their necks.

Her head followed the commotion in one of the exam rooms and her lips arched upwards vindictively. Well, well, well, looked like Dr. Shepherd found himself a surgical case. Thank God, she was still the Chief with the ultimate power to give and take.

Without another thought, she hurried into the room yanking CT scans from unsuspecting Derek.

"That looks serious," she muttered carefully surveying the images.

"I've got it covered," he frowned standing in front of her.

"Miller," Meredith addressed the resident on the case, ignoring Derek. "Fill me in."

"That's my case," argued Derek, though it was clear he tried hard to mask his hilarity.

"Not anymore," quipped Meredith leaning down to examine her patient's injury. "Miller, I'm waiting!"

The resident willed the corners of her mouth down. It was so obvious that the Chief and Shepherd wanted each other, badly, but if she let on her thoughts she would be banned from the OR, possibly forever.

"Giselle Toussant, 42-year-old woman. Unrestrained driver of a car that hit a railing, got ejected."

"She was… We were coming to the ER…," her husband started to explain. Although he didn't bore any visible injuries, he could do well with a gurney himself. "We were both sick. We couldn't shake this flu thing so… She was better so I let her drive."

"Omar?" the woman opened her eyes and called for her husband.

"Giselle? Honey?"

"Where are we?" she breathed out. "Are we… are we dancing?"

Meredith inspected the wound on her head with a frown.

"We had an accident," informed her Omar with a calming voice.

"Dura lacerations, she's leaking spinal fluid," stated Meredith. "Let's get an OR ready, okay?"

"The dancing's so beautiful," said Giselle completely out of context.

"You're beautiful," replied softly her husband leaning to kiss her before the surgery when he was shaken by a coughing fit. He would have fallen forward if Derek hadn't caught him straight.

"He's burning up."

"Somebody get him a bed," ordered Meredith. "Let's get her to the OR right away."

She walked past Derek with a challenging superior look but he couldn't care less that she just threw him off his own case.

He helped Mr. Toussant get to the ER and left him in the care of one of the resident and having no consult in his schedule, decided to do some stalking.

* * *

As Meredith worked on her patient's head trauma, she feverishly wondered what she was supposed to do next. No, not in regards to the procedure she was performing. She only wished other areas of her life were as crystal-clear as that one. Meredith was seeking an answer to the question what she should do Derek-wise.

She knew already he was going to be her shadow. The proof? He was sitting up in the gallery, scorching her with his regard. Because of the flu season and the minor fact that everyone got off her way today, he was the only occupant of the gallery, and it was making her feel very exposed. She couldn't lie to herself any longer, her resolve was crumbling. What was the point of staying away from him if she was forced to remain in Seattle? They were in love… and pretty much in heat, she remarked gruesomely. Then again, could she really take a risk again? Confusion befuddled her brain.

Taking in the gravity of Mrs. Toussant's condition Meredith closed her up herself. Stepping away from the table she handed the instruments to her nurse and took off her protective gown and gloves. With a deep breath, she left the operating room. She had no more excuses to stall and she knew… Yup, she knew Derek would be waiting for her. Leaning against the sink leisurely, he watched her intently with his head cocked to the side.

"Is there something you want, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked indifferently as she soaped her hands vigorously and opened the tap.

He chuckled and leaned towards her ear before she could move away. Only she didn't exactly want to move away. "You know exactly what I want," he whispered hotly. "And I know you want it too."

"You're awfully sure of yourself," she said disapprovingly.

"Don't I have a reason to be," he answered smugly. "I told you we'd resort to actions today and look, you're staying."

She scowled at him tossing the used paper towels into the bin. "Don't remind me." She stepped around him walked the length of the corridor. Predictably, he was at once at her heels. Faced with a choice – stairs or elevator, she chose the former. Both of them closed together in a an elevator… a recipe for… no, not a disaster. Rather something she should not indulge herself at the moment when she was completely confused.

"Hey, where's the fire?" quipped Derek as he rushed up the stairs behind her.

"Okay, can we at least pretend that we're taking care of professional stuff here?" she hissed as they left the staircase on their level.

"Why bother?" he smirked. "Everyone knows it's bullshit."

"Look, I'm busy," she argued, her face glaring at everyone she caught lurking at them. "You wanted me to be chief, I'm chief. I don't have time-"

"Oh, no. You're not playing that card on me," he warned her placing a hand on the small of her back.

"What are you-"

She trailed off in shock as gently but unyieldingly maneuvered her inside to the first room on their right, which happened to be interns' locker room, now mercifully empty.

"Derek's already in action," chuckled Izzie, sipping her coffee at the nurses' station.

"He's pretty desperate," nodded Mark, "missing any action too much."

"It's actually stunning how one-tracked brain you have," bit back Izzie with professional wonder in her voice. "I think Derek should have a look at it."

"Trust me, Derek should have a look at something else right now," quipped Mark.

She wanted to get back at him with a witty riposte but was distracted with the appearance of George followed by several men clad in protective uniforms.

"George, George!" she waved at him and he excused himself quickly to join her.

"George, what's going on?" she pointed at the newcomers curiously.

"It's the IDC," informed them George with a serious expression. "We had a couple come in earlier. Dr. Grey's just finished a craniotomy on the wife but the husband, he's got severe flu symptoms. Swollen lymph nodes, buboes… Turns out they had contact with the-"

"The plague?" asked Izzie, her eyes going wide.

George nodded gravely, "Anyone that was in contact with the Toussants has to be quarantined… I need to find Dr. Grey… and Shepherd… Have you seen them?"

Mark and Izzie exchanged glances.

"They're uhm…"

"They're in the… locker room," chuckled Mark.

"Interns' locker room."

"Both of them?" frowned George. "What are they both doing in a locker room?"

Mark and Izzie looked at the ceiling innocently.

"Ugh, forget I asked. I'm so not going there," muttered George walking away.

"Well, that should be interesting," threw lightly Mark.

* * *

"What do you think you're doing?" she rounded on him.

"Trying to talk to you," he answered patiently. "Don't you think it's time?" He looked into her eyes expectantly.

"Time… time is…" she stammered, biting on her lip. Dr. Wyatt, she definitely should talk to Dr. Wyatt. "I need time. I need time to think everything over."

Derek studied her face in silence for a while and then asked, "You… want me to give you time? To think over?"

"Exactly," she nodded eagerly, her eyes already skipping to the door.

"Well then, I'm sorry," he stated simply. "More time is just the one thing I'm not going to give you."

"What?" she breathed out in surprise. "A few hours ago I thought I'd be leaving the town. And now everything's changed."

"Not really," he shook his head firmly. "You still want me exactly like you used to. I'm not wasting any more time, Meredith."

"Derek-"

"No, Meredith. You're not talking when I'm talking."

She gasped at the line that belonged clearly to her and which he now used against her.

"I am a patient man," he took up. "I really am. Because a man of a lesser patience would have jumped off the Space Needle a long time ago, or strangled you with his bare hands or just had his way with you, even against your will."

She swallowed deeply while her lungs encountered considerable problems to breathe. She felt the lust she had denied herself for so long burning up inside her. She pinched herself on the forearm to sober up; that was really not the time for her clit to take control over her thought process.

"We'll talk later!" the high-pitched squeak escaped her throat and she ran for the exit, almost bumping into someone at the door. "What the-" she frowned at the protective clothing of the person she ran into.

"Dr. Grey?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Dr. Shepherd?" the man looked past her.

"Yes," nodded Derek, his own puzzled expression matching Meredith's.

"I'm with the IDC," explained the intruder. "Is anyone else in this room?"

"No," replied quickly Meredith. "What is going on in my hospital?"

"You performed the surgery on Mrs. Toussant?"

"Yes!" she barked irritably. "What-"

"She and her husband were in close contact with a victim of the plague, she may have been exposed."

"Which means we may have been," concluded calmly Derek.

"Yeah."

"I've got to go, I can't do this," shot feverishly Meredith.

The man barred her way with his arm. "We're waiting on the diagnosis of Mr. Toussant. This room's sealed off until we know the threat has been contained and you're absolutely safe. You cannot leave, you two are quarantined." Having announced that he closed the door into their noses leaving them standing in a pregnant silence.

Meredith slowly turned back to face Derek.

She was screwed. She could be contaminated with the deadly virus, she could be on her way to the morgue and she… was locked up with Derek Shepherd for indefinite period of time…

She gasped slightly as the corner of his mouth curled up in a smirk.

* * *

**A/N Thank you so much for your wonderful comments! **

**Please keep them coming. I'm feeling a bit under the weather, I need them to cheer me up…**

**As you might suspect, I'm leaving MerDer in a sealed locker room for the entire next update ;)**

**Yours,**

**Em **


	38. Chapter 38: Knockin' On Heaven's Door

**A/N Yup, this time it's a true update. Bet you didn't expect one so soon. But I managed to finish ****it quickly as I wanted to thank all of you for your wonderful response after my last message. I'm truly lucky to have such a supportive readership.**

**So this is especially for you as you keep me going. Hope it's not too cheesy or cliché.**

* * *

_Meredith froze as she watched Derek's mouth curl up in a smirk._

"I hope that's not your job too," she hissed, folding her arms over her chest. "Because I swear I'd fire you!"

"Meredith," he chuckled. "Are you actually going to blame me for the plague?"

"Right now I'm not sure about anything," she shrugged her shoulders, walking to the opposite part of the room. "And you did tell me you're a man of action."

Yeah, right, he complained in his thoughts. He didn't see any action… since last year.

"Sorry to disappoint you but my power doesn't reach that far," he quipped, trailing a few steps behind her. "Besides, you barged into _my_ exam room and stole _my_ patient on your own will. But I understand. You couldn't resist, you just want me that much." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Narrowing her eyes to the point when they resembled slits, she took a deep breath. "Firstly," she began, counting on her fingers, "I did not stole your patient. I am the Chief and as such every patient is mine, got it, Dr. Shepherd? Secondly, I do not want you," she lied easily. "Get over yourself already. Thirdly, since when have you become Mark Sloan's twin?"

She expected another clever answer but instead his face sobered up, "Maybe since he can easily keep the woman he loves and I can't."

"Derek, I…" she trailed off, her eyes avoiding his. "I need to get to know what's going on in my hospital!

"What?" Derek frowned at her disbelievingly.

"The plague might be raging around," she gesticulated wildly and knocked on the door to catch the attention of the ICD worker guarding the room. "Hello? Do you hear me? I'm-"

Meanwhile, Derek sat heavily on the bench between the rows of lockers. He was thankful fate gave him this opportunity to be alone with Meredith. Only now he started to wonder if he was going to survive it and not throw himself at her, not necessarily with a pleasant intent.

* * *

From the first minute of her internship, Miranda Bailey knew there was never a dull moment at a hospital, especially at Seattle Grace Hospital. Not only because of people rushed in twenty-four hours seven days a week, with stunning injuries or rare diseases. It wasn't only about saving lives, it was about life itself, life that was a constant surprise, even now.

"Hey, what's up this time?" asked Miranda with the usual disapproval and impatience. She just encountered a wall of her colleagues' backs on her way and was well aware it wasn't a random meeting.

"Ah, Dr. Bailey," smiled charmingly Mark, a wad of cash in his hands. "You want in on the bet, I presume?"

"What bet?"

"The bet on whether Shepherd's gonna break Grey before the end of the quarantine," said Cristina pointing behind her shoulder where two men in white were guarding the door to the locker room where Derek and Meredith were currently stuck. "I'm saying she's tough, she's gonna hold him by the balls a little longer."

"Wait, wait a minute!" interrupted Miranda, fighting to keep a straight face. "The Chief… and Derek… are in quarantine? Together?"

She burst out laughing when the silent smirks of her fellow surgeons confirmed the latest gossip item.

"And you're all standing here because?" she asked drying the corners of her eyes, hilarity still shaking her frame.

"Because if Derek does his job right," grinned Mark. "We'll hear it."

"Hear it?"

Mark leaned in slightly as though he was sharing a secret. "I spent a couple of nights under the same roof, and let me tell you," he winced at the memory, "they're screa-"

"Stop, stop!" Miranda raised her hands to shut him up. "I don't want to hear about your dirty business." Her face scrunched in disgust. "But you can count me in," she muttered reaching into her pocket for some banknotes. "On Shepherd."

* * *

"Meredith? Can you just please sit down so we can talk?" asked Derek for the hundredth time from the bench he was spread on. He knew there was little chance she'd actually grant his request but he figured maybe the constant whining would tire her out.

"And can you just please desist for a minute?" she mocked him, continuing her pacing around the room. "We were exposed to the plague."

"They don't know it's the plague," sighed Derek sitting up, his legs on both sides of the bench.

"So the men in the white suits, what, making a fashion statement?" she snapped. "The fact that you have suicidal tendencies, like… refusing to evacuate when there's a bomb next to you, doesn't mean I do too!"

"Mer, you know it's only a precaution. When the blood work comes back will be… out," he assured.

"If the results don't indicate that woman has the plague," remarked hotly Meredith stopping near the end of the bench to tap her foot.

"Then we get the plague and die in here in each other's arms with the crappy benches, dirty scrubs and the lockers full of old food," he sent her a radiant smile.

"Great," she muttered dryly. "How romantic."

"On the other hand…" took up Derek, his eyes twinkling. "I'm a doctor, you know. You can tell me your symptoms if you feel unwell. If your pulse rapid? Are you… hot? I can feel you."

"Seriously?" she huffed. "No, you're not gonna feel me!" She whirled on her heel and looked at the door expectantly. In vain. She hear a deep tired sigh behind her instead and she felt instantly guilty. Since the moment they ended up here, she kept turning him down, over and over, whether he was being serious or flirty. If only she wasn't so messed up, so absolutely confused and at loss what to do… She listened into the silence Derek lapsed into… and she was missing his cocky insistent voice. She was missing him so damn much since the day she screwed everything up.

She remembered the time when they could talk about virtually everything. They could try the same now… Only how was she supposed to bring it all up to him?

"I'm scared," she spoke up weakly.

"What?" asked gently Derek, clearly surprised by her statement. "Meredith, I'm positive the risk of us going down with the plague is minimal-"

"I'm not talking about the plague, Derek," she cut him off, facing him yet again. "I'm not talking about the plague. I'm talking about us."

* * *

"Oh, I'm sorry," mumbled George trying to regain his balance as he barreled into Izzie in the middle of the corridor. "I'm kinda in a hurry, I've just got the test results."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Izzie quickly caught his sleeve before he ran off, and exchanged looks with Cristina. "You mean the test results for the plague? What do they say?"

"Fortunately, they're negative," George took a deep breath. "Neither of our patients has the plague, neither of our doctors has the plague so excuse me, I still have Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd to inform. She'll be pretty pissed already she's getting to know the last."

"George! You can't do that!" Izzie shook her head, firmly holding his arm in her grip.

"Are you insane, Iz?" he eyed her as if she truly were.

"Look, she and Derek are together now," explained Izzie. "They finally have a chance to talk. Let's not take that away from them!"

"Izzie," George's voice took an authoritative note. "They are in quarantine! They are locked up in a room when they don't have to be."

"That's a minor detail," laughed Izzie airily. "What counts is that they have some privacy at the very long last, you know, alone time… alone alone…"

"Oh my… oh my God!" squeaked George, his eyes going wide. "You're… you're pimps!"

"We're not pimps!" the blond glared at him indignantly.

"We kinda are," admitted Cristina.

"Are you standing here all the time?" demanded George, utterly scandalized.

"No," chuckled Izzie. "We're taking turns!"

"Okay, you've completely lost it," commented George and made to turn away.

"George!" Cristina blocked his way. "So they don't have the plague. Who says they're completely healthy?"

"Yeah, right, can you move, please?" George tried to step around her unsuccessfully.

"Seriously," she insisted putting her hands on his arms with a gloomy expression on her face. "They have a terrible condition."

"A terrible condition?" he repeated sarcastically.

"Yeah, very dangerous, very debilitating," she nodded.

Izzie gave her a puzzled look over George's head but she only hushed her.

"The symptoms are bit different depending on the gender."

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked George.

"I'm sure you suffer- ugh, heard about it," she nodded sympathetically. "It's commonly known as… blue balls or blue boobs."

Izzie giggled madly while George's jaw fell down slackly.

"You don't want to catch that, Georgie, right?" cooed Cristina.

"I have… no words…"

"Well, good then," smiled resolutely Cristina. "You don't need to use them."

"Please, George," pleaded Izzie. "Let's do this for Dr. Grey."

George let out a deep calming breath. "Fine," he caved in. "But, if it gets to her, I'm telling her I was in surgery while you," he squinted his eyes at them, "you were supposed to inform them the quarantine was over!"

"Thanks George! You're the best," grinned widely Izzie.

"And I'm taking off the ICD people," he threw marching off.

"Good," nodded Cristina. "I really want to win this bet,, I'll make fortune."

"I did it for Meredith and Derek," frowned Izzie.

"Good for you," quipped Cristina rolling her eyes to the ceiling.

* * *

"I'm so scared," repeated quietly Meredith and sighed. She was too tired to resist any longer.

Derek surveyed her for a moment in silence and was just about to jump to his feet when she beat him to it, gently plumping on the bench, facing him with determination.

"Meredith, I understand," he assured and after a brief hesitation, delicately covered her hand with his, ready to strengthen his grasp if she tried to evade once again. "I perfectly understand that you don't trust me anymore. I failed your trust. I had been… drunk with everything that was happening between us and… and I was careless. I should have never let her go that far, but I swear… I swear I never encouraged her! You're scared I'm going to hurt you again but if you give me, us, just one more chance, we could-"

"No!" Meredith shook her head violently unable to stand his words. "No! No!"

He paled at her reaction, his heart thumped loudly in his ears. "Meredith, please, don't say that-"

"Derek, you don't understand a single thing," she sniffed, her thumb caressing slowly the skin of his palm. "I'm not scared of being hurt, I don't care about me. Me getting hurt? A story as old as the world, it's nothing new."

"How can you say that?" he breathed out, shaking his frowning head.

"I can because I'm accustomed to that," she argued. "I can live with that, I can live with my own hurt. What I can't live with… is hurting you."

Derek opened his lips but no sound came out.

"Funny, huh?" she snorted. "But finally, Derek, I'm telling you the truth. I can't live hurting you, it's past my endurance. And I… I've already hurt you enough, it's enough for a lifetime."

"Mer," he whispered and reached out to push away a stray tendril of her blond hair that fell over her face when she hung her head down guiltily.

"Don't deny that," she pleaded him softly. "Because there's something seriously wrong with me if didn't trust the man that I love."

A thousand happy butterflies swirled in his stomach at her confession. Hearing that she loved him from her own lips was like finding water after hours of wandering through a scorching desert.

"I hurt you, so much, that's why I wanted to disappear from your life," she confessed. "But now I've got to stay… and I just don't know anymore… I don't know what is going to hurt you more… if I keep pushing you away or if we're going to get together and I hurt you again someday…"

"Oh, Meredith," he scooped forward to gather her in her arms, their position on the bench making her straddle him. A sigh of relief escaped him when she didn't resist. She was soft and pliant in his hands letting him mold her against his harder body. Yet he could feel she didn't relax fully against him as her arms stopped cautiously at his shoulders. She was back in his embrace though and that sole realization was mind-blowing. He closed his eyes and nuzzled his face into her hair, relishing the moment.

"Meredith, God, I love you… so much," he whispered passionately as he broke their tight hug to cup her face and look deep into her eyes. She trembled and blinked her green orbs at him. "I admit those months were… they were hell. Because you were missing at my side. I love you, I want you and I need you like the air. I you don't want to hurt me, please, come back to me. There is no light for me in this world if I don't see it reflected in your eyes. I can't live without you anymore."

She shut her eyelids tightly as she fought the sobs that were threatening to overtake her. He took advantage of her small surrender and inched closer to her lips. He left her the choice, he moved so slowly she could jerk away feeling his breath on her face. She didn't.

Goosebumps erupted all over her skin as his lips brushed hers ephemerally. Their lips slid against each other for a brief while but neither dared to deepen the kiss. Even this small contact though was enough to make them both lightheaded, making their blood pressure skyrocket.

When they finally pulled back, they looked at each other with their eyes lidded dazedly, in perfect silence. Time and space ceased to exist until…

"I love you," she whispered, her cheeks flushed brightly. It felt divine to utter those three little big words again.

He smiled ever so gently and ducked his head to steal another kiss. Before they lips met, however, she stopped him placing her index finger on his lips.

He backed her head and looked at her expectantly.

"Derek, if…" she tried to gather her thoughts. "If we're going… to do this… again, we have to do it right. We can't go through that once more, just… no."

"I know," Derek nodded understandingly. "We'll make it work."

"It means… we have to go slow," she told him seriously. "We need to know what we're doing. No flying blind."

"Okay," he nodded. He'd agree to anything just to be with her.

"It also means I have to fix myself," she sighed a little dejectedly. "I can't so something like that again."

"Meredith, we were both at fault."

She smiled at him slightly, not willing to pick another fight. He was just that guy who took blame on himself when evidently it belonged solely to her. "My point is that we'll take it slow, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed with a nod of his head. "What now?"

"Now?" she asked breathlessly as his intent regard was heating up her skin again.

They stared at each other, the air between them heavy with longing. It was just too long. Their lips were pulled forward like magnets.

* * *

"What is the news on the battle front?" asked Mark joining Addison and their colleagues at the nurses' station.

"No news," replied Addison, gratefully accepting a cup of coffee her boyfriend perched in front of her.

"No news?" he repeated with clear astonishment and a concerned frown on his forehead. "Not a scream?"

"No," she answered dryly.

"Moan?"

"No."

"Whimper?"

"Mark!"

"Sorry," he muttered. "Either Derek has lost his touch… or his life."

"Me thinks you lost your bet," cooed Cristina wiping non-existent tears from her face.

"So, no one knows what's going on in there?" asked Mark.

"Worried about your little buddy much?" Cristina went on pitilessly. "Keep your pants on. The worst he could get is castration," she snorts, knowing that in Mark Sloan's books it would be equal with capital punishment.

"Maybe someone should check up on them…" wondered loudly Addison looking around at their friends who suddenly avoided her eyes.

"Right, and when Grey catches us with no ICD worker in the vicinity she'll throw a fit!"

"Oh, for the love of God!" They turned around to see Bailey standing behind them shaking her head. "Are you still here? Get a life!"

"Dr. Bailey," greeted her Mark enthusiastically. "Perhaps you could check on them-"

"And have my head cut off?" Miranda raised her eyebrows. "No, thank you. I think I'll pass."

"Sssh," Izzie who just appeared on the scene. "The door's opening."

All heads whipped in that direction just in time to see Meredith Grey appear in the doorway fighting with the tape that had prevented anyone from entering the room, with, no surprise there, a furious expression on her face.

They immediately busied themselves with scanning charts, admiring patterns on coffee cups, chatting about the weather, and generally pretending not to notice their Chief.

The Chief, however, did notice them, halted behind and waited for them to face her with their little guilty faces. They didn't. She tapped her foot impatiently sending subtle signals not to cross her further.

"Oh, hi, Mer," Addison was first to "notice" her.

"Chief."

"Afternoon, Chief."

"Chief, we didn't see you," stated Mark in a relaxed manner.

"And I wonder why was that," she snorted and folder her arms. "At this point I have to warn you, your every word can be used against you. And no, you do not have the right to remain silent."

They threw apprehensive looks at each other, followed with the accusing ones, trying to find a scapegoat.

"WHY THE HELL NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL ME THE QUARANTINE WAS OVER?" she bellowed making the group before her cringe.

"You were in quarantine?" asked Cristina.

"We thought somebody already told you," assured Izzie at the same time.

All hell would have certainly broken loose at the complete fiasco to provide a credible excuse hadn't Derek strolled up to Meredith stopping inches behind her, too close not to peek the universal curiosity.

"Don't test my patience," spat Meredith, in a tone more civilized than she had intended, blaming Derek and his proximity.

"Didn't you like your company?" chuckled Mark before doubling in pain feeling Addison's sharp heel dig into his foot. He forgot that his girlfriend took after her sister in some respects.

"Thank you, Addison," she gave her a false smile which soon transformed into a glare. "This is your last warning, do not push my buttons! Otherwise, the consequences will be grievous, as well as immortalized in your files!" She whizzed on her heel to stalk off but crashed against Derek's hard chest instead. He caught her quickly in balance sneaking his arms around her. They missed her all too much since they held her, no more than five minutes before.

"We'll talk… uhm, later," she cleared her throat and walked away as he reluctantly let go.

"So?" demanded Addison feverishly leaning curiously as Meredith's footsteps died away.

Derek sighed deeply watching everyone huddling closer with sheer curiosity and hunger for gossip.

"So?" repeated Derek innocently.

"Did you or didn't you?" prompted him Mark.

"Don't know what you're talking about," chuckled Derek.

"Don't test my patience, Shepherd!" warned Mark in perfect imitation of Meredith making others giggle. "We risked our necks for you! O'Malley was here with the test results a good couple of hours ago."

"Thanks," laughed Derek and eyed his colleagues leniently. They were suckers for gossip but he was grateful. They did stay by him when he needed support and didn't hesitate to reach out a helping hand. And it should be remembered Meredith wasn't the right person to piss off. He held his breath and announced happily, "We made up."

He was immediately dragged closer while everyone was laughing and patting him on the back in congratulations.

"I knew you wouldn't let me down," grinned Mark appreciatively counting his money.

"Not so fast, Sloan!" yelled Cristina and turned to Derek, a professional expression on her face. "So… this making up… what exactly did that entail?"

Derek frowned opening his mouth a little as he realized what Yang was hinting at. Now, they were going a bit too far with their concern…

"Oh, come on, Shepherd," smirked Cristina. "One word of yours and Sloan's sinking faaast," she made a diving gesture with her hand.

He rolled his eyes exhaling loudly. "We're taking it… slow," he admitted.

"Ha!" Yang let out a triumphant exclamation.

"Wait a minute!" frowned Mark. "What does slow mean?"

"Exactly what it means," snorted Cristina and yanked the cash from his hand. "Come to mommy!"

"You didn't…?" Mark squinted at him as everyone started to disperse. "How come?"

Derek chuckled to himself revisiting the memories from the last half hour. How come indeed.

_Their lips were pulled forward like magnets.__ They couldn't stay apart, they were calling for each other with all the desperation and longing of the past months. Soon, the light touch was not enough. Once the fire was burning, eternal and sacred, it consumed everything. Their kiss grew more insistent, their lips pressed for better contact, their tongues reached out to meet each other in a fierce dance, to reacquaint themselves with the secrets only them had access to._

_Meredith tilted her head back to catch air, her breathing ragged. Her knees were weak and seemingly boneless but thankfully she was not on h__er feet, they would have given up a long time ago. Blissfully, she was sitting on Derek, on his lap, safely… _

_Her respiration never seemed so difficult, irregular; her mind, never so fuzzy. Her body was never that affected by an external factor, no drug, no liquor. Only Derek, Derek… His name slid of her lips in a reverent moan __and while she became wantonly inert in his arms, he didn't pause his ardent assault. _

_Her lids cracked up a little but everything was dizzy. She looked somewhere __in space, Derek's hair dancing slightly in her field of vision, his head never in one place for long as he feasted on her. She wanted to scream, moan, groan, but her body couldn't decide; it was sensory overload to be enveloped in his greedy embrace, to have his hands, fingers, lips on her. His scent was intoxicating her even further. Her lonely core throbbed demandingly for its mate._

_Derek's mind was clouded in the state of equal inebriation. Only his golden rule of "no surrender" was still in place. He craved to give everything to her, to imprint himself on her body, mind and soul so vividly she __wouldn't ever dare to abandon him in the dark again. And he desired her beyond all reason. Never in his life had he been as aroused as in this moment after the unbearable period of forced separation. His body was painfully aware of it too, as his length was rock hard seconds into their tryst. He was a starved man, only she could relieve his hunger. He was reaching out for heaven._

_She was reaching out for heaven. She __was coming back to her heaven… She pressed herself closer to him; she needed to touch and feel more of him or she would die. Her brain reactivated driven by that sole purpose. Her fingers involuntarily tugged at the hem of his scrubs, eager to caress more skin… Only then did she take notice of something hard trapped between them, something she wanted very… hard. Her hips rolled over that pleasant hardness out of their own volition. Yes, she was going to heaven._

_Heaven… Her eyes opened wide suddenly. Did she deserve that? Was she repentant, excused, forgiven?__ Her heart sank as she realized she wasn't. She sprung out of his unsuspecting arms without a warning, stumbling on her weakened legs and almost falling to the floor. She grabbed the bench for support and waited for her pulse to calm down._

"_Mer…?" that was all Derek managed to breath out; his eyes, confused and __scared, said the rest._

"_Slow," she managed to utter, desperate to calm him down. She wasn't running any longer. She wasn't running away, but she couldn't rush forward either. She plopped back down on the bench and took his hand soothingly, just like before. "I'm not going away, Der," she assured him. "No more running. But we agreed to go slow. It's precisely for that reason."_

_He nodded pensively and asked, "So… the slow part doesn't __include you throwing me out of your house or ignoring me in elevators?"_

_She knew he meant it as a joke but her heart panged torturously. She brought his hand to black unruly locks on his temple. _

"_I love you, Derek," she smiled shyly. "We're starting fresh and __I believe we can be happy. But I think we need time to make it happen."_

_He breathed in relief and locked his hands with hers. "I missed you," he whispered and claimed her back into his arms, this time more peaceful and relaxed. She passed her hands lazily over his back, feeling warm and safe… until she stiffened, her eyes drilling suspiciously through the door that separated them from the rest of the door. Whenever she glanced at it before, she would catch the sight of one of the ICD workers._

"_What happened to the I__CD guys?" she asked suddenly._

"_What?" muttered Derek, completely unconcerned with anything that didn't involve him and Meredith._

"_The ICD workers that were standing behind this door!" she repeated and stood up sliding away from him._

"_Did they disappear?" he sighed. He didn't want to let go of her just yet. Meredith was already at the door though and she let out a yelp._

"_What's wrong?" asked Derek, t__urning his head towards her. He didn't follow, walking with a raging hard-on wasn't exactly comfortable._

"_Right now, nothing," she hissed opening the door and ripping off a black and yellow tape. "But there will be soon blood on my hands!" She shot out of the room while he lied back on the bench willing his loins to calm the hell down. No need to be frustrated, he reasoned with himself, he would get sex eventually. He'd prefer it to happen sooner rather than later but Meredith gave their relationship another chance and that meant everything, his heart pounded ecstatically. He felt his penis getting flaccid and pushed himself into a sitting position. He needed to go after his spitfire because apparently, there was slaughter on her mind._

* * *

Leaving her gossiping staff behind her and Derek as their main course, Meredith hurriedly made her way to the psych floor. Somewhere in between the floors, she was overcome with a wild fit of laughter that didn't subside even when she entered Dr. Wyatt's office and plumped on the leather couch.

"It's past-" began Dr. Wyatt studying her troublesome patient carefully.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's past the appointment time," Meredith waved dismissively, chocking back her laughter.

"Has something happened, Meredith?" probed the therapist apprehensively.

"I was duped," she mumbled taking a very deep breath in attempt to stop laughing. She was already purple on the face and feeling lightheaded. Or maybe it was because of Derek. "I was duped. Twice. By my staff." Another outburst of laughter.

"What do you mean?"

Meredith wiped the tears of amusement from her cheeks and sighed. "Dr. Wyatt," she looked at her with a smile. "I need you to fix me."

The older woman stared at her, her jaw set, experiencing a déjà vu. "I hope you don't have retrograde amnesia…"

Meredith's answer? Another boisterous gale laughter. Carefree, blissful laughter.

* * *

**A/N Hope you're not too disappointed the things didn't progress further in the locker room. I don't think it was the right time and place. They need to learn to talk to each other first, and in the next update they do just that, with a little help from Dr. Wyatt. What do you think she's going to tell them to do… or maybe, not to do…? LOL**

**I can promise you no more heartbreak for MerDer in this fic.**

**Em :)**

**P.S. If you left me a message after the AN , reviewing for this chapter will be blocked. **


	39. Chapter 39: When Your Heart Is Weak

An animalistic growl escaped from Derek's throat as his fingers fumbled blindly to open Meredith's shirt.

"Fuck," he muttered with annoyance, struggling with the tiny buttons. He should be ashamed. He was a surgeon, a neurosurgeon to be precise. Yet, at 12.43 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, in one of the on-call rooms in Seattle Grace Hospital in Seattle, Washington, when everybody else was having lunch except him and Meredith, the task of taking her top off slipped out of the range of his abilities. He mourned her scrubs. He didn't exactly care what she wore, she looked sexy no matter what. But scrubs, they were all about easy access.

Derek would give much for easy access right now. His entire body was tense to the limits, glistening with a sheen of sweat. He was going insane with Meredith writhing underneath him and her hips rocking upwards to his erection that he was pretty sure had never been this hard before. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he was afraid that his balls might explode, literally.

It was one week after their long-awaited reunion in the locker room, a sweet period of readjustment, shy looks, sweet kisses, teasing, feeling up here and there, napping in on-call rooms together... Did that sound innocent enough? Because it was. Whenever things got too heated up, Meredith pulled away in a jump, almost immediately.

First, she said she wanted to go slow. Then, during an accidental encounter in a supply closet, she declared that slow was overrated. Unfortunately, when they were quite far into their activities, his pager went off and he had no other option than to check up on his patient, with a quick stop at the bathroom to deal with the hard tent that was bulging at the front of his pants. Derek hoped to get back to business that evening but she nervously informed him she had gone off the pill while they were broken up. The following day, Derek thoughtfully equipped them with a pack of condoms which… didn't exactly prove necessary as Meredith was busy, whatever that implied. Then Addison decided she was going to move out soon and they all had to give her a helping hand with decorating her apartment. The very next night they had the whole house only for themselves; they ended up in her bed but Meredith, flustered and jumpy, whispered that she had a headache… and that was the moment when Derek's ego started to feel uncomfortable. No need to mention what other part of him was suffering an exquisite torture.

Derek tried not become overly concerned with the fact that his girlfriend, as least he suspected that was what she was to him again, well, his insatiable, constantly horny, sexy girlfriend who never said no, so to speak…, didn't want to make love to him. However, the frustration and a serious case of blue balls weren't his biggest problem. There was another one. Derek felt there was a gap between them. Where was that easy-going atmosphere, the ability to convey their intentions without words, the simple joy coming from their closeness? He didn't have any idea. He saw clearly instead the awkwardness that sometimes crept into their relations. Derek figured with resignation that it had to do with Meredith's lack of trust in him. She probably needed more time to let him in completely.

And maybe it was the moment to let him in a little bit more… he thought as Meredith's moans played in his ears. No, she was past moaning, she was mewling breathlessly. Her little sounds of pleasure and her hands that were roaming his bare chest blindly pushed the doubts momentarily out of his head.

At long last, he pulled her shirt open triumphantly. How could she not want this? Her skin was flushed from the heat born from the friction between their bodies. Her exposed chest rose and fell erratically as her plump lips tried to catch more air. He gave her no reprieve as his head dived towards her clavicle but soon moved down. Their second first time should probably be something more romantic than a quickie in an on-call room but he was beyond caring, just too caught up with their passion. His hand fought once again with her clothing. In the blink of an eye, his fingers moved on from her knee under her skirt to her inner thigh, lifting her leg up around his waist. As he grazed the glorious wetness on her lingerie, he was sure they finally hit the moment…

Or maybe not. It was never in Meredith's intention to take things further than cuddling, maybe kissing, and the next thing she saw was a heavy make-out session. Everything just progressed from one level to another. And she wasn't even that helpful either. Temptation was strong so she wasn't as active as she would normally be. She was burning for him but she couldn't let herself indulge in the greatest pleasure of this world. That simple truth came back to her with full force when she felt his trembling fingers just when she wanted them to be. But she couldn't… Dr. Wyatt's face drifted hauntingly into her mind and she went rigid under Derek's hard frame.

He didn't miss a beat recognizing the change in her instantly. She tensed and certainly not with the building pleasure. Against his will and also better judgment, he stopped his movements as well.

"What's wrong?" his voice was haggard and at the same time thin and strained.

She let out a deep breath. "I'm in therapy…" she whispered dejectedly.

"What?"

* * *

Meredith stiffened even more when Derek's eyes, still a bit uncoordinated due to the porny haze, tried to pierce her, demanding explanations.

Shit, did she just told him she was seeing a shrink? If Derek's questioning expression was any indicator, she did. It was either that or forget about sex while they were both growing increasingly impatient with the lack of it. All thanks to Dr. Wyatt…

**Flashback**

"Meredith, where are you?" Dr. Wyatt's voice brought her down to earth.

"Sorry," she breathed out. "I just… Can we finish… for today? I'm kinda in a hurry."

"In a hurry?" Dr. Wyatt leaned back into her seat studying her patient's eager face, the face she had never seen until the day before, when the young woman breathlessly announced that she and Derek were taking another chance. There was the smile that lit up her features out of the blue, the excitement, slight impatience, spark of humor. It was a wonderful welcome change but… "You're meeting Derek?"

"Yeah, yes," laughed lightly Meredith.

"Meredith, don't get me wrong," took up the therapist slowly. "I am glad to see you're changing your life for the better, that you let the people you love in. But you're far from being done."

"I'm happy," she argued gently. "Or well… I will be… soon."

"One decision, even if right, won't make it all better magically. A stable relationship requires hard work and compromise."

"I know it," nodded quickly Meredith. "Look, when we… when I agreed to give it a shot, I told Derek we should do it slow this time."

"Quite understandable," Dr. Wyatt stated approvingly.

"Then again, what does slow mean?" chuckled Meredith. "We were together for more than half a year before I screwed it up. We climbed a lot of steps. It's not like we had just met. We know each other."

"Have you and Derek been intimate since you reconnected?"

"You mean… you've just not asked me about that!" stammered Meredith.

"What I'm telling you now is strictly professional advice," said Dr. Wyatt seriously. "I'm telling you this with your best interest at heart, not in hope to win a bet or scoop a piece of juicy gossip first hand. You can trust me on this."

"On what?" asked Meredith cautiously.

"I think you and Derek should refrain from expressing your feeling physically just yet."

Meredith's mouth went wide open. "What? Absolutely not!"

"Meredith-"

"No!" she exclaimed. "What does it have to do with anything?"

"You've just got together, you have issues to sort out."

"And having a screaming orgasm would ruin this how?" asked Meredith, desperately trying not to yell with frustration.

"From what you've told me so far, I gather that sex was an important part of your relationship, wasn't it?"

Meredith let out a huff but admitted reluctantly, "Well, yeah." They had a lot of sex, all kinds of sex… hot, glorious…

"Do you think it could have served as a distracter from real communication between the two of you?" asked Dr. Wyatt shrewdly.

"I…a… maybe," she finally admitted. "But…. he's Derek! How can I be around him and not jump his bones?" she looked at the older woman desperately.

"What is more important for you, Meredith?" asked Dr. Wyatt stifling the smile that threatened to spill over her lips. "A few minutes of pleasure or your future with Derek?"

"A few minutes?" snorted Meredith. "Have you seen Derek? When we mean business, it's well… business."

"Meredith," said Dr. Wyatt, scolding.

"What?" shrugged Meredith innocently but sighed. "What would I tell Derek? I kind of… hinted we'll be… later… and…"

"Don't you think he'll be understanding about this?" probed the shrink. "You're not alone in this any longer, at least you shouldn't be."

"I… I…" hesitated Meredith avoiding Dr. Wyatt's astute eyes.

"Didn't tell him you're in therapy, did you?"

"No, I didn't," she muttered, following with a miniature blow out. "Why would I? I dragged him through hell and now he's going to learn that he's dating a loony? I don't think so!"

"I won't even start an argument over that," sighed Dr. Wyatt. "What are you going to do is your decision. But think about it. If you love that man the way you tell me, you don't want your relationship mean as little as a prolonged fling. You want a lasting supportive relationship. It' time to embrace it."

Meredith hung her head down admiring the carpet pattern but the next words addressed to her made her stare at Dr. Wyatt in shock mingled with mortification.

"And I feel Derek should join us."

**End of flashback**

A whole week passed since Dr. Wyatt made her suggestion and surprisingly enough Meredith followed it. At least, partially. Though their bodies were constantly on fire, Meredith always managed to pull away last minute, clinging to the thin shreds of self-control she had. Each time her heart panged at disappointment and confusion etched on Derek's face. And each time she bit her lip before she could blurt out the real reason behind her strange behavior. Until today. Something snapped inside of her. She couldn't lead Derek on giving him nothing in return, she couldn't go on with the unresolved sexual tension. Most importantly though, she craved exactly the thing Dr. Wyatt was talking about, a lasting supportive relationship with Derek.

"I'm in therapy," she cleared her throat and repeated in a stronger voice. "I'm seeing a shrink, Derek."

She gulped and raised her eyes hesitantly to meet his, the first thing she read in them being astonishment.

"Come again?" he whispered settling beside her on the narrow bed, propped on his arm but all the time hovering near her face.

"How many times do you want me to say it, Derek?" she snapped out but immediately regretted her harsh tone. "I'm sorry for… I'm just so sorry…" She brought both of her hands up to cover her eyes.

"Hey, hey," he muttered gently pushing her fingers away and making her face him again. "I'm just…"

"What? Disgusted? Repulsed? Terrified?" she shot trying to wriggle her out of his palms but he only strengthened his hold.

"Actually, what I wanted to say was surprised," he chuckled slightly. "Can I… ask why? And since when?"

"I a… since I learnt that your weren't a cheating son of a bitch after all," she shrugged. "I wanted to forget about you."

"Okaaay," he frowned. "You knew I was faithful and you wanted to get rid of me?"

"I… Derek, that's just not the point now, okay?" she didn't have the power to have that conversation now. "It's just… I'm seeing a shrink… And I have… lots of issues…"

"It's okay," he assured her. "I'm with you now. You don't have to do this alone."

Meredith let out a sigh. She wasn't alone, that was what Dr. Wyatt told her. "You're not bothered by this?"

"That you're seeing a therapist? Should I be? Is it a guy?" he asked lightly.

She punched him in the chest, chuckling against herself. "No! She's woman, in her fifties."

"Phew, glad to hear it," he let out a dramatic sigh of relief but sobered instantaneously. "The only thing that bothers me is that you have problems that you need a specialist to help you deal with. That you're in pain."

"I'm not in so much in pain anymore," she murmured stroking his chin.

He nodded and planted a tender kiss onto her forehead.

"Just so you know," she said quickly. "She's the cockblocker."

"What? Who?" Derek shook his head slightly.

"My shrink. Dr. Wyatt. She asked me not to… you know. And what's why I'm leaving you high and dry… if you happened to wonder, that is. Sorry…"

"Mer," he sighed intertwining his fingers with hers. "Why are you apologizing? If your doctor thinks it's better this way, I'm fine with it. We don't need to rush, we have all the time in the world… the rest of our lives?" the last part came more like a question than an assurance.

"We do," she confirmed at once. "There's… one more thing… Dr. Wyatt thinks… you should come… for the session…" she blinked at him quickly trying to gauge his reaction, "but you don't have to! If you don't want to-"

"I will," he nodded eagerly. "I'm right beside you whenever you need me."

All that Meredith could do was to give him a little grateful smile. Damn, she almost hoped he'd refuse. But he was her Derek. He would never consciously do something to let her down.

"So, when's the appointment?" he asked making her bite her lip in dilemma.

"I have one today at 4…"

"Good, you know I don't have anything scheduled."

Yes, she knew. Today was the day when Addie's moving day out and they were all giving her a helping hand.

"Okay," she breathed out. "Okay."

"It's gonna be alright," he gave her a reassuring smile and drew her into a warm hug. That was definitely progress. They were really going to make it. She confided in him, she was beginning to trust him again.

* * *

Dr. Wyatt studied the couple sitting on the coach in front of her with interest. They were definitely a match. They were both beautiful people, a petite blond and her dark-haired prince charming, they fit together seamlessly. However, their compatibility reached way beyond their physique. It was difficult to explain rationally but Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey seemed to radiate an aura, like they belonged to each other, like their they love was a law of nature. It would be such a waste if they didn't make it through. Dr. Wyatt was certain that with a bit of time and effort they would. They were here after all. A little nonplussed, both sitting stiffly on opposite ends of the coach, careful not to touch, but they were here.

It was interesting to be finally introduced to the man she heard so much about. She did see him a couple of times in passing in the hospital but she never met him personally. He certainly lived up to expectations. Just as she concluded from Meredith's description, he gave an impression of a reliable steady guy. And a one that had the patience of a saint, proven by his presence. Meredith could be a really difficult person to deal with if she tried. Dr. Wyatt herself had an occasional urge to yell at her, and mind you, she worked in the psych department for twenty years. That being said, she admired the young woman as well. For her strength of will, her determination, the ability to get up and go on. Life wasn't always kind to her. It left her battered, a bit broken, isolated from people but it didn't manage to destroy the richness of her soul or harden her heart. She was sure Meredith would bring Derek along eventually, she did love him after all.

"First of all, thank you for coming," she smiled encouragingly at both of them. "I am perfectly aware that initially it might be an uncomfortable experience but we're here to make it better, to help you. I also want to assure you that you're completely safe in this room, you can trust me."

She watched Derek slowly nod his head while Meredith let out a resigned sigh and stared at the carpet.

"Having said that, I have a request for both of you," she took up. "Be honest. Not for my sake. Remember you're going to talk primarily to each other. I'm just an intermediary here."

"Derek, let's start with you. Did you have any reservations about coming here?"

"Reservations?" he frowned. "No. Don't get me wrong, I would rather not talk about my personal life with strangers but if it going to help Meredith, to help us, then it's fine by me."

"By "us" you mean your relationship with Meredith?" asked Dr. Wyatt.

"Well, yes," he confirmed simply.

"Why do you think your relationship needs help?" probed further the therapist. "What do you think needs to be improved?"

"I… we could… talk more, I think," he sighed.

"Talk more? You mean communicate?"

"Yes…" he admitted. "I mean, we had problems before the… before, but now… it's harder, more… awkward."

"You don't feel like you can say everything to Meredith?" prompted Dr. Wyatt.

"I…" he hesitated rubbing his cheek absent-mindedly.

"Or do you feel Meredith doesn't share important things with you?"

"I… both… to a degree," he sighed. "I think it's too soon."

"Too soon?"

"It's been only a week since we got together," he stated gently. "It's understandable that Mer needs more time… to believe in us, to trust me."

They both turned their heads towards Meredith when they heard her soft gasp.

"Meredith?" Dr. Wyatt addressed her. "Is Derek right? Do you need more time to feel grounded in your relationship?"

Meredith looked at her briefly before resting her eyes on Derek. "No," she whispered. "I do… I do trust Derek."

"It's okay, Meredith," he shook his head quickly. "Listen, you really don't have to-"

"No, you listen!" she frowned at him and he momentarily obeyed her commanding tone. "If I'm telling you that I trust you, then I trust you!"

"Okay," he nodded.

"You don't believe me?" she huffed. "I trust you! I do know you're this perfect sweet caring guy with the heart size of Africa. I would jump off the hospital roof if you told me we should do this. I would say yes if you gave me the ring-" she stopped abruptly realizing what she just said out loud. "Yeah, I mean… if it was just about me… so I… I… trust you. It's not that I don't trust you."

"You… good…" he breathed out.

Dr. Wyatt raised her eyebrows slightly at the way Derek Shepherd was now looking at Meredith. She was pretty sure she had never seen a man more in love than him. It was pure worship and adoration if she ever saw one. All thanks to the little word "ring" that slipped from Meredith's lips. Maybe she was less broken that she had thought.

"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable," Dr. Wyatt went on. "But do you think the lack of sexual intimacy could be the reason you're more acutely aware of the ailing communication between you?" she looked questioningly from Meredith to Derek.

"I… I don't know," answered pensively Derek folding his arms over his chest.

"Well, I know it sucks," grumbled Meredith breaking the slight tension. "And not in a good way."

Derek chuckled giving her a brief smile.

"Derek, you said you're not comfortable enough to talk about certain topics. What are those topics? Do you talk about what happened between you in the last months? About your break-up? About its reasons?"

"Meredith, have you trusted Derek with your concerns, your inhibitions?"

"No," he answered sobering up.

"Let me be clear, it's not that I want you to take it slow because it's a whim of mine or what a shrink should suggest. Meredith, your issues are fed by your avoidance of talking about your feelings, your emotions. In order to improve, to heal, you're going to have to start talking about them. And my concern is, if you get lost in the lust of it all, you won't have to make a start. You won't have any reason to. You'll feel that you have everything you need until you don't. Again."

Meredith lowered her eyes to her hands.

"So, I'm asking you to wait."

When they left the office together fifteen minutes later, they both felt drained and exhausted, but also warmed up with a flutter of hope.

"That was…" Meredith breathed deeply leaning back against the wall for a brief moment.

"Informative?" he sighed and proceeded to take her into a tender hug. "It's going to be okay."

She looked deep into his eyes. It would be okay if she only plucked up the courage. "I'm sorry," she said with a small voice.

"Why do you keep apologizing?" he chuckled and caressed her cheek delicately with the back of his fingers. "It's going to be okay, I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered and tilted her head back to allow him plant a sweet kiss on her lips.

The contact didn't last long since the door they just closed behind them opened again to reveal Dr. Wyatt. Meredith sprang apart from Derek and said as breathlessly as she just went through a heavy make-out session rather than a chaste kiss, "It's… it's nothing! We're just going."

Derek threw her an apologetic look and hurried after his girlfriend while Dr. Wyatt went to get her coffee with a chuckle. She was almost going to miss Meredith Grey when she was done with her therapy.

* * *

**A/N Meredith and Derek are opening a new chapter in their life together, I hope you continue to enjoy seeing them working for their happy ending. As I said once before there'll be no more heartbreak, occasional angst yes, but no heartbreak.**

**Next update: MerDer trying to follow Dr. Wyatt's advice. **

**A word of warning: mature content's soon making way back to the fic.**

**Comments, please?**

**Em**


	40. Chapter 40: A New Day Has Come

**A/N I've been a fast updater as of late, have I not? :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

They decided not to let their friends on in the details of their reunion, "details" being the euphemism for therapy. With large pleading eyes, Meredith asked Derek to keep the information to themselves, at least until they were better, and for once Derek agreed that silence was for the best. She had extremely hard time confessing to him, another two people would be just overwhelming. Addison would be over concerned while Mark would certainly crack some less than appropriate jokes. He was pitiless on them already since they hinted they were _taking things slow_.

However, they put aside all the challenges they had to face for one evening to enjoy a dinner together. They had packed the rest of Addison's stuff into Mark's car and spent very pleasant and carefree two hours over a meal and a drink. It felt like the good old times.

Or maybe too good… "Guess what we're gonna do when we leave this place?" drawled Mark with a teasing voice.

"Let's think, keep unpacking a box after box?" gritted Derek dangerously. He knew all too well where the conversation was heading.

"Nah, unpacking can wait… A little housewarming, now," he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, a lazy grin playing on his lips. "Housewarming can't."

"Like you didn't it already," muttered dryly Meredith. "On many occasions."

"A bit more can't hurt, right man?" Mark eyed his best friend with superiority.

"I'm going to help Addie in the kitchen," threw Meredith curtly getting up from the table.

"You can't resist, can you?" berated him Derek.

"The real question is: how can you?" shrugged Mark.

"I've already told you. We're taking our time. We want to make it work."

"And that means no sex because?" frowned Mark.

"Because…" sighed Derek. "It can overshadow our real problems."

"You're such a pussy-whipped… girl?"

"Like you aren't," snorted Derek.

"Even if so, I get some action for it. A really good action."

"Huh," Derek let out a derisive laugh. "You don't even know what sex is. When me and Mer are back in the saddle, we'll make Seattle melt!"

"Right," Mark squinted at him. "Me and Addie will make Antarctica burst in flames!"

"With your _little_ Sloan?" snorted Derek maliciously.

"Oh, no!" growled Mark. "You're not bringing that argument up again! Besides… it's… it's completely inaccurate!"

"That your tiny-"

"Shut up!"

"We can always ask the girls," Derek smiled in vengeance, brining his hands lazily behind his head. "I'm sure they already shared experiences."

"Had to salvage yourself with an escape?" laughed Addie when Meredith joined her in the kitchen.

"They're comparing their… you-know-whats!" Meredith rolled her eyes. "I think they're going to start throwing food at each other any second!"

"You-know-whats?" Addie chuckled wiping her palms. "You mean-"

"Don't say that!" stopped her quickly Meredith. "I have enough trouble controlling myself as it is."

"I'm truly impressed with you self-control, you know?" laughed gently Addison.

"Not more than myself," sighed Meredith.

"But you're okay, right?" the redhead caught her wrist determined to get a sincere answer. "Please, don't lie to me anymore, Mer."

Meredith gave her a small reassuring smile, "I can truly say I am good, getting better every day even if… uhm, my carnal desires remain temporarily unsatisfied."

"Are you sure?" insisted Addison. "Because I can stay-"

"No," said firmly Meredith squeezing her hand. "It's time to take a leap, for both of us."

"Yeah, you're right," nodded Addie vigorously and cleared her throat noisily. She started to blink rapidly but her eyes became moist anyway. She twisted her hand out of Meredith's grasp and instead brought her arms tightly around her.

"Addie!" Meredith rolled her eyes while strangled by her best friend but her voice came out equally emotional as she reciprocated the hug. "You know that my plans to go to Africa were thwarted, right?"

"Don't even joke about that!" sniffed Addie. "Sorry, I never thought I'd fall apart like that. It's not like I'm moving to another state!"

"I know!" said Meredith with a tiny voice. "Thank you for being there for me… always…"

"Hey, you've been there for me, too," she replied as the pulled away. "Since we met."

Meredith let out an uncontrollable giggle. "Feels like yesterday… We were so lost, literally and figuratively."

"I remember," smiled Addie. "Good that we've found home eventually. We did grow up."

Suddenly, they were startled by a loud thud near the doorway which turned out to be Derek and Mark fighting their way into the kitchen, the latter panting nervously, "Don't listen to him!"

"_They_ didn't," commented Meredith with a smirk.

"Boys will be boys," agreed Addison with a knowing look. "Mark!" she barked at him sternly. "Are you five? Let go of him."

"But-"

"Now!" she ordered him and turned to Meredith again. "I think it's..."

"Time," smiled Meredith.

"It is," she nodded. "It's late. We'll just grab what's left and be heading out."

When they were at the door, she pushed her belongings into Mark's arms and faced Derek and Meredith with a dangerous expression.

"You," she pointed at Derek. "If I ever hear about your lips on a woman other than Meredith, labour pains would seem a pinch compared to what I do to you."

He furrowed his eyebrows together but nodded obediently deciding it would be safer not to protest.

"And you," she rounded on Meredith. "If you ever try to run again-"

"I won't," Meredith cut her off quickly. "I learn from my mistakes."

"Good," nodded Addison and picked up her handbag. "So… we'll see each other at work."

"Isn't it time for you as well, Shep?" smirked Mark following his girlfriend out, determined to have the last word.

With a murderous scowl, Derek kicked the door after him violently. "The nerve of him…" he muttered turning back to Meredith. "I should have saved the world from him when I was still underage and not fully responsible for my actions."

She laughed at his complaining tone but as they remained alone in the quiet foyer it quickly died on her lips.

"So…" Derek shifted on the spot and spoke up, desperate not to let the awkwardness settle between them. "It seemed… pretty hard for you and Addie."

"We were inseparable for all these years," she shrugged with a small smile. "Getting each other's backs… Even during those last weeks when I was a total bitch and doing the whole not-talking thing, she stayed."

"I can't say I was that reluctant to part with Mark after med school," remarked Derek dryly. "Leaving the constant mess and porn site? One of the happiest days of my life."

They laughed together for a short while only to eye each other clumsily, confused by the indefinite borders of their relationship.

"So… it is late-" started Meredith, talking to her shoes.

"Oh," Derek sighed with clear disappointment. "I guess… I'll get my keys."

"Your keys?" repeated Meredith with a frown. "That's not what I meant! I was actually thinking…" she bit her lip. "It's late and it's dark… and the roads out of town are pretty much covered in snow… I don't want you drive out to the trailer tonight…"

Derek felt himself relax and let out a deep calm breath. She wasn't throwing him out, she wanted him to stay.

"I mean," Meredith went on, not sure what to make from his silence. "We are… both adult people… we can just… and not… you know?" she gesticulated with her hands.

"Yeah, sure…" he smiled nervously. "I... a… if you could give me a blanket so I still can move my limbs tomorrow… after a night on the coach…"

"The coach…?" Meredith's voice was puzzled. "Oh, I actually… meant my bedroom…"

_And your bed…_ Derek finished her sentence in his thoughts.

"Listen, I know it's kind of weird… but I think the coach idea is stupid. We know each other, we love each other, we're in a relationship. We had amazing sex together, we saw each other naked thousand times… We can act like a couple of rational responsible people."

"Sure," he agreed quickly. _If you say so… _Somehow his body was telling him something completely different but he wasn't the one to willingly refuse the place in Meredith's bed, he fought for it too long.

An hour later, he started to regret his hasty decision. The coach would have given him stiff back, not exactly an uncommon thing for a surgeon spending hours in the OR. What was thousand times worse was the unnerving stiffness in his groin that made its painful appearance when Meredith announced she was going to have a quick shower. Yes, the sole thought of Meredith's naked body, glistening with pearls of water gave him a hard-on. As much as embarrassing it was also true, he had a libido of a teenager. He registered with panic that he wasn't even sure he was going to last two minutes when they would… get back to business.

"Damn," sighed Meredith as she opened her closet to draw clean towels. "I completely forgot."

"What about?" he asked absent-mindedly as he contemplated whether sitting down on her soft bed that was the stage of their many trysts would make him come instantly.

"You've got nothing to sleep in," she faced him putting her hands on her hips and biting her lip while searching for a solution.

"I… eh…" he eyed the bed confusedly.

"No," she flicked her wrist dismissively, her cheeks pink. "I mean, you don't have any clothes for change…"

"Oh," he breathed out and reached to loosen the collar of his shirt. He actually did have a spare set. The irregular working hours plus the amount of time he lately chose to spend at the hospital made him always keep fresh clothes in his office or at least his car. For the briefest of seconds, he verged on leaving Meredith in the dark about this little detail wondering if she would let him sleep naked beside her. He gulped audibly, no, it was too much. He wouldn't be able to control himself. "I… I've got my laundry from the cleaners, it's… it's in the car. I'll go get it."

"Oh, great," nodded Meredith though her voice betrayed disappointment. "So, I'm going to the shower," she let out a small nervous laugh. "You can wait or… use the second bathroom." She practically ran to the door not looking him in the eye. With a deep sigh, he decided to get his things from the car and head to the corridor bathroom immediately. He was in a desperate need of a cold shower.

* * *

Taking cold showers? Overrated. The seven minutes he spent under the icy stream of water were as unpleasant as they were unhelpful. As soon as Meredith walked out of the steamy bathroom all pinky fresh, clad only in her Dartmouth t-shirt and a pair of black panties just peeking out, he knew he was a goner.

He fidgeted in his place under the covers as he watched her tiptoe to the other side of the bed. He caught the quick sharp looks she was giving him, she was equally nervous.

"So, I… I'm turning off the light?" her voice dropped almost to a whisper.

"Yeah, sure," he nodded quickly and eased out on his back, breathing deeply as he let himself sink in her bed linen. It felt so good, like home. The material was so soft, the sign it was already used for a couple of days. Her sweet scent was everywhere.

The light went off with a click and they were momentarily blind before their eyes adjusted to the feeble moonlight that sneaked inside through the curtains. The obscurity seemed to take away some of Derek's tension. He remarked with relief that Meredith wouldn't be able to see the huge tent he was making with the comforter. But she had other plans. Apparently, she was not going to lie modestly beside him.

The bed creaked under her slight weight as she slid under the covers. He heard her pause in her movements with hesitation. Eventually, she inched closer to him… and closer… and lay down with her back pressing to his arm, and her backside… She reached out her hand behind her and wandered loosely around his body until it found his left arm. She laced her fingers with his and pulled him so the he found himself spooning her tightly, remembering with a soft smile that it was Meredith's favorite sleeping position. Ideal for cuddling in the night as well as a quickie in the morning. He shifted trying to keep his raging loins at a distance from her enticing butt of which he still held very fond memories. Yet he abandoned the attempts and finally scooted as close to her as it was possible when he heard her tiny voice, "I missed you… so much…"

"I missed you too," he whispered burying his face into her lush hair.

"Good night, Derek," she muttered rubbing his hand affectionately.

"Good night, love."

Surprisingly, it wasn't long before sleep claimed them both in a warm embrace.

* * *

When Meredith woke up several hours later, sometime around dawn, she didn't feel warm any longer. She felt hot, insanely hot. Derek's hard form lounged along hers was setting her on fire. By his slow even breaths on her neck, she could tell that Derek was still deep in slumber. Right now, she was really jealous of his unconscious state. Clearly, she was not going to relapse anytime soon. In a mysterious way, during the course of the night, one of Derek's hands escaped hers and roamed to settle on a different part of her body, a very prominent sensitive part of her body. She panted when his fingers flexed involuntarily over her breast. And he still didn't wake up. All he did was letting out a little "humph" and continuing sleeping peacefully.

As if the unconscious feeling up wasn't enough, Meredith had to force herself not grind her ass back against Derek. His penis was iron hard and pushing at her through the material of her panties and his boxers. Meredith bit her lip, would it be equally bad as sex if they gave each other a bit of special attention? She imagined Dr. Wyatt's stern look. It probably was and she didn't feel like asking her therapist about the details.

If she only could open up to Derek they could already be in the throes. Damn, why did she have to be so freaking complicated? It was Derek for God's sake. He was the most steady element of her life, the most precious and the most trusted. There wasn't a thing that could possibly make him abandon her. He deserved the best. She was always best at everything. Now, she needed to be the best for him. And the time was now.

She unceremoniously turned in Derek's arms and pulled at his shirt.

"Wake up! Wake up!"

She shot out of the bed and pulled the curtains open. It looked like it would be a rare sunny day in Seattle.

"What…?" groaned Derek sleepily rubbing his face with both hands. "Are we late?"

"No," replied Meredith resolutely and got back to the warm bed. "We're just going to talk."

"Talk?" repeated dazedly Derek. His hair was sticking in every direction, her eyelids drooping and his swollen penis probably didn't help matters. "Now? Talk?"

"Yeah, I feel like talking," she nodded. "I… need to tell you… a lot."

He opened his eyes wider at the sincere serious tone of her voice and caught her fingers lightly on the pillow between them, making the only physical contact for the moment.

"I love you," he assured her encouragingly.

"I know," she sighed with a small smile. "And I love you, which makes me… which makes me feel so…" she stumbled. "I've never felt so insecure in my life."

"Mer, I…" he blinked rapidly. "I swear I would never-"

"I know that, Derek," she quickly silenced the stream of apologies she was sure was going to roll from his tongue. "Didn't you believe me when I told you I trust you completely?"

"Everything, this whole mess is my fault- Don't interrupt me, Derek, please," she asked him to let her continue. "You're the most important person in my life. If you're happy I feel good too, if you're in pain I share it. We're together, we need to rely on each other, take care of each other and I… I'm not sure how I should handle it."

Derek looked at her questioningly.

"I just don't know how, I never had any role models," she confessed. "I don't know how to behave in certain situations. Like when I saw you with her… I…" her voice wavered at the unpleasant memory. "I didn't try to explain it even when my initial anger subsided. I wanted to shut you out completely, like you were something insignificant accident. And it doesn't work like this. I should have known better…"

She took a deep breath bracing herself to continue, "But I didn't. And then a few weeks later, I… well, eavesdropped on you and that bitch… it turned out I hurt you for no reason at all. I wanted to go back to you, I wanted to make up, to apologize."

"Why didn't you?" he breathed out.

"Because… because," she hung her regard at the wall above Derek's shoulder but willed it back to look into his eyes. "I realized I didn't deserve you…"

"What?" he blurted out and pulled closer immediately. "This is completely-"

"I don't know what this is, Derek, or what it should be," she stated firmly. "I never deserved you. You're truly an amazing person, friendly, kind, solid… and I… I'm a bitch. We're completely mismatched!"

"No, we're not!" he denied heatedly. "I feel like I should refresh your memory 'cause when we met for the first time I was hardly a friendly kind person. I was an arrogant self-righteous ass!"

"Just for a moment," shrugged Meredith. "And that wasn't true you."

"It was true me, Mer, it was," he chuckled. "It was all me. You were my wake-up call, you made me a better person. And just for the record, bitches don't talk the way you just did."

"And how would you know how bitches talk?" she huffed making him laugh gently.

"My point is there are no mismatched couples in love," he said fiercely. "We are different, it's only natural. But what we feel for each other…" he lowered his voice. She never saw him more determined positive, "what we feel for each other makes everything else fade away."

"Does it?" she choked.

"Yes," he gathered her close into his arms but kept her gaze. "We'll work everything out, together. We just need to turn to each other if there are problems, okay?"

She nodded in agreement. "I'm so sorry, Derek, for all I did to you, from the very beginning. For jerking you around, for leaving you with a word of explanation… Can you forgive me?" she looked at him expectantly.

"Love, I have nothing to forgive-"

"Please," she insisted. "I need to hear that."

He gazed at her warmly, rolling a tendril of her hair around his finger caressing her cheek. "Yes, I forgive you. You're with me and nothing else matters."

He was relieved to see her smile, truly, freely, like she hadn't in months.

"Thank you," she managed to say.

"You know, since we're talking," he took up, his voice half-hesitant, half-amused. "That thing you said yesterday…"

"What thing?"

"During the session… you said that you would marry me," he decided to go all the way.

She opened her mouth widely; she clearly didn't expect that to crop up. "I… I did…"

"Is it… do you…" he tried to formulate a coherent question.

She gave herself a moment to ponder what answer she should give him. Surprisingly, she wasn't panicked at the word 'marriage' . No danger on the horizon, more like an adventure.

"If we worked out everything between us…" she said cautiously already seeing Derek's lips stretching in a grin. "I… yes… I could… marry you…"

"Then you will," he nodded firmly and she giggled madly.

"I will, huh?"

"Oh, and another thing I wanted to ask you about," he chuckled.

"Another?"

"You eavesdropped on me and Gretchen?" he squinted at her curiously. "When? Where?"

"Uhm… the day she was leaving…" she tapped her fingers idly on his shoulder and finally admitted when he wouldn't let it go, "I was in your office, okay?"

"In my office?"

"Yes," she cast her eyes down, she was pretty sure the blush on her face would rival a tomato. "I hid behind your desk…"

After a moment of utter speechlessness, Derek burst out laughing. He rolled on the bed with Meredith in his arms and said with laughter in his voice, "God, I love you!"

She ducked her head down to taste his lips. "So I think it counts as talking," she said breathlessly. "About my issues and the break-up and all that."

"It definitely does," agreed Derek expertly and his fingers diving impatiently under her t-shirt, his arousal returning with full force.

"Make up sex!" they exclaimed together and hungrily lunged at each other's lips. There was no softness and no gentleness, just the rush to quench their desire. Fidgeting while straddling his waist, Meredith scooted up to pull her t-shirt over her head. His cock gave an impatient twitch at the sight of her exposed mounds. He cupped them with his both hands reverently as though trying convince himself he wasn't dreaming or hallucinating, that Meredith, the love of his life, was really with him, on him, in flesh and blood.

She moaned uncontrollably as his skilful fingers toyed with her breasts to his heart's content. Her core covered only by a thin layer of her underwear was on fire. Her hips pushed down crashing against his hard manhood repeatedly and she lowered her head close to his, purring into his ear, "You know what else I missed?"

"What?" he panted with the effort he was exerting not to come before giving her pleasure first.

"I missed…" her hot breath fanned his skin covered with perspiration, "I missed your… huge cock, Derek… I missed it filling me to the hilt."

His eyes closed as he moaned loudly, "Me too…"

Meredith's hands jumped to the hem of his t-shirt desperate to rip it off him when a terrible thought entered her brain.

"No condoms!" she blurted out. While she was fine when the subject of marriage entered their conversation, the possible little Shepherds had still to wait a lot of time even to be discussed.

"No... noo…" groaned Derek shaking his head. "Don't… don't say that… I'm dying here slowly…"

"You don't have…?" she asked hopefully.

"No… left in… my office," he struggled to keep his breathing steady. "Cookie jar?"

"Nope," she grumbled beating the pillow with her fist in hopeless anger. "Fuck!"

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" he let out his frustrations burying his face in his arms.

"Yeah," she sighed throwing herself on the bed dejectedly. "I can't wait when we are sure of the pill… You know," she pulled herself up to a sitting position. "I can… help you out…"

"No." he decidedly stopped her hand before it sneaked into his boxers. "Just… not like that… It's our… second first time… Maybe it's better…"

"Must you be such a romantic?" she huffed. "Just… tonight!"

"Tonight," he nodded in agreement. "I don't think I can last any longer. Don't know how I'll be able to work today."

She giggled softly, "Keep your lab coat with you at all times…"

"Very funny," he answered dryly. "So, we could go to a dinner…?"

"No," she protested wildly. "Not tonight, no torture!"

"Thank God!"

"And I want to do this… at your trailer," she looked at him softly. "It's the safest most beautiful place on earth."

"You are the most beautiful thing on earth," he murmured tenderly.

"You make me feel like I am," she smiled sweetly. "Tonight…"

"Tonight…" he nodded as their fingertips met in a light graze.

* * *

**A/N Probably no need to explain what's going on to happen in the next update, is there? ;)**

**Yours,**

**Em**


	41. Chapter 41: Beds Are Burning

**A/N Sorry for disappearing for a week, I've been too busy with my schoolwork and all… ****Thank you for commenting and bumping!**

**So the chapter title says it all... ;) Enjoy!**

* * *

"Is there something wrong with me or do you think it's weird too that yesterday they were wearing chastity belts but today they're like teenagers at the prom," Mark asked Addison with a disgusted face as Meredith's hand disappeared under the table once again during their lunch.

"I hear chastity belts are completely out of fashion this season," chuckled Derek.

"So, what happened after we left?" demanded Addison straightforwardly. "Did you stay for the night?"

"Yes, he did," smiled Meredith looking deeply into Derek's eyes as her fingers traced little circles on his knee slowly moving up.

"Okay, what about taking things slow? Working out your problems?" argued the redhead. "You shouldn't have-"

"We haven't," shrugged Meredith.

"Yet…" breathed out Derek.

Mark raised his eyebrows exchanging puzzled looks with his girlfriend.

"So what's with the grope-fest?"

"We had a heart to heart conversation," shrugged Meredith her attention focused mainly on Derek, "and tonight… is the night."

"Ugh," Addie put her fork down scrunching her face.

"Well, you asked," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Thank God, I moved out just in time."

"Oh, we're going to the trailer anyway," smirked Derek and looked at Mark with superiority. "We wouldn't want to keep all Seattle awake with- ahh," he couldn't stifle the moan that escaped from his throat when Meredith's hand grazed the fabric of his pants dangerously close to his member.

"For Christ's sake, we're in the middle of the cafeteria!" hissed Addison. "Keep your hands off each other! You're not teenagers. What happened to your professionalism at the workplace rule, Mer?"

"It flew out of the window," giggled Meredith bringing her palm back safely on Derek's knee. She could resist her temptation a little bit longer but nothing would make her stop touching him. "So what's the whole thing with teenagers at the prom? What?" she shrugged as they eyed her quizzically. "I've never been to a prom."

"How come?" frowned Mark. "You totally are the prom queen type."

"Well, I wasn't back then," she remarked lightly.

"Then you are good for Derek after all," he smirked. "He wasn't either."

"Seriously? Why not?" she looked between her boyfriend and his best friend.

"Mark," gritted Derek through his teeth threateningly.

"Bet you think Shep is such a hot cookie," snorted Mark anyway. "I hope it's not a deal breaker if I tell you he was a high school dork and band geek. And the only remarkable thing about him was the big nose and afro," he laughed boisterously avoiding the kick Derek was aiming at him under the table.

"Really?" Meredith turned to scrupulously study Derek's which was beet red from embarrassment. She reached out her hand to smooth the frown on his forehead. "Time worked for him, didn't it? Besides, those couldn't be the only remarkable things about him. I can extol another of his merits, a biiiig one, if you know what I mean."

"He might not get it," smirked Derek, thoroughly content that his girlfriend was backing him up. "He's lacking somewhat in that department."

"I. do. not." huffed Mark. "It's just a stupid rumor Derek always takes a weird pleasure to spread around."

"Well…" Addison threw in innocently avoiding his eyes, a tiny grin on her lips. "You're not exactly…"

"What?" growled Mark.

"I'm not complaining," she assured him quickly. "But… you're not exactly the biggest…"

Mark immediately turned to Addison to argue otherwise, flushed with indignation and hurt masculine pride while Derek leaned in towards Meredith's ear.

"That felt so good," he chuckled. "Vengeance is sweet."

"But that was just the truth," she batted her eyelids innocently. "He can't be the biggest because I know someone who is. No one is bigger than you…." She whispered coyly.

"Now you're just stroking…" his breath hitched as Meredith's hand resumed its path up his thigh, "my ego…"

"I can stroke something else for you," she giggled sweetly. "Tonight."

"Can't wait for tonight," he nodded and caught her lips in a brief kiss.

* * *

By the time their shifts ended and the first stars appeared on the sky, they were both bursting with a confused mixture of anticipation, excitement and impatience. They spent their day with one image in their minds, the promise of their physical reunion. Not solely waiting for the pleasure of sexual intercourse they didn't enjoy for two months. Making love surpassed physicality. When they moved in each other's arms their souls melted into one. It was a feeling not of this earth to bask in safety, timelessness, warmth…

They met in front of her office, all ready to go, and marched to the exit together, not really trying to appear inconspicuous. They were beyond caring about the world existing outside their happy bubble. Though even if they did, they wouldn't be met with anything else than approving looks and good wishes.

Their ride through Seattle and beyond was relatively peaceful but for the happy teasing and an explosion of kissing on the ferry boat.

"It's so good to be back here," Meredith grinned wildly as she got off Derek's car and filled her lungs with fresh air, always crystal-clear on his land. She consciously remembered to grab her handbag with her; neither of them would like to have a naked trip to the car for condoms in the middle of their reconnection.

"It's wonderful to have you back here," answered quietly Derek as he searched his briefcase for the keys and fumbled with the lock. He stood back and let Meredith go in first with a somewhat shy smile. When did they become so nervous?

"So I… I haven't been here for two days," he sighed looking around the small space while Meredith decidedly took off her coat and strutted to the bedroom. "I can..change the sheets… there should be some candles…"

"What for?" asked gently Meredith. She lit the bedside lamp and he could see her pulling out the packet of condoms and throwing her handbag to the floor carelessly. "We don't need enhancement," she assured turning to face him across the room. "We just need us…"

He watched with growing fascination as she reached her hand out to him, just like all those months back when he showed her the trailer for the very first time. She was no less stunning right now, and they made a tremendous journey in between.

His coat and all he held in his hands barely had the time to hit the floor when he was in front of Meredith, his eyes locked into hers hypnotically. Her arms weaved around his neck as she climbed to her tiptoes. Their lips joined and they let out muffled sighs, finally! Derek's hands cupped her waist molding her frame against him.

Their kiss, their embrace were tentative at first; as though they weren't sure how they should proceed. Fast and passionate or slow and attentive? Their bodies took the charge of the rhythm for them.

Meredith lost herself as Derek's tongue, the object of her many fantasies, reclaimed his rightful territory in the cavern of her mouth. She let him play, tease and caress before she caught it between her lips and suckled. He moaned and pulled his head away to catch some much needed air while she took advantage of the occasion to grab the hem of his sweater and drag it upwards over his head. She sighed hungrily at the sight of his raven locks that went from the state of perfection to utter disorder. They just begged to be pulled in a fit of ultimate pleasure.

Her fingers moved feverishly from button to button. She opened his shirt and her tongue darted involuntarily to lick her lips as her eyes rested on the hard wall of muscle dusted with a path of dark hair leading down under his belt. Her head tilted, she rushed to press hot wet kisses onto his pulse point. Suddenly, she felt his palms on the bare skin of her flanks. In the frenzy of her lust she didn't notice his fingers sneakily working on her shirt.

She giggled freely, shook the garment of her shoulders and completely surprised him jumping up to hook her legs and arms around him. With laughter on his lips, he stumbled backwards under the impact of her weight and the back of his knees hit the bed. They fell down on the soft covers in a half-naked mess of limbs, trembling with throaty laugh that soon turned into moaning as they resumed their kiss.

As soon as he had her securely underneath him, he indulged himself in rediscovering her graceful body. His movements were half-instinctual, half a learned reflex. His lips continued their pilgrimage on her torso, stopping without fail at the places he remembered giving her most stimulation. It was like a wonderful dream he never wanted to wake up from. But it was even better, it was his reality, for the rest of his life.

He briefly wondered how it was humanly possible for the excitement and arousal escalate exponentially by the minute. He felt his need for her was never-ending; he would never drink his fill of her completely. It really was a good thing she was there to stay.

As for the more down to earth musings that breezed through his befuddled brain, he suspected he was the proud owner of the hardest hard-on the planet. He was straining painfully inside his pants from the moment Meredith threw the condoms on the bed so explicitly. And now with the knowledge of their imminent fusion it was becoming increasingly harder, pun intended, to take their time.

He tilted his head back a little, becoming mesmerized with two flushed perky mounds heaving up and down. He tugged at the front clasp frantically and his effort was rewarded with her ample breasts spilling before his very eyes. His hot mouth was on her hard nipple instantly, licking, nipping, sucking. He grinned onto her skin when an indefinite sound ripped from her throat and her back arched from the mattress pushing herself even further into him. Her fingers combed his hair blindly, tugging at his locks to direct his head.

His moist tongue was making miracles on her skin but every second it sufficed less and less. She detached her hands from his scalp to wiggle them between their bodies and struggled with the zipper to her pants, eager to give all of her to him. As her fists kept brushing against his groin accidentally, Derek took her cue and took charge of completing the task. It only took him seconds to drag said pants down her body and, carried by the primal need, her lacy panties finishing with the shoes they didn't have yet time to take off. Not willing to detach himself from her supple warmth again, he stripped down to his full glory, feeling a small relief when his erection was let loose.

One challenging dangerous look on Meredith's face, the look he was over the moon to see firsthand, was enough to urge him to pounce back on her, their skin covered in sweat meeting with a gentle slap. She spread her legs for him on instinct, like it was the most natural thing in the world, as he resumed giving loving attention to every part of her his hands or lips fell. Her hips buckled upwards at the sensation of his trim waist between her thighs and he ground forward feeling the wetness seeping out of her core.

With the last ounce of rational thought, she groped around the bed beside her, her fingers finally finding the condoms. Derek's head and along with it his full-time working lips started to descend from the valley between her breasts across the smooth planes of her stomach but she gently pulled at his hair holding him up in place.

"Not… not now…" she panted and ripped the slivery wrapper with her teeth.

He looked up at her questioningly, his breathing equally rugged.

"Take me, Derek," she whined. "Take me…"

He fully intended to love, caress, pet, work up her body to an orgasmic frenzy… But now as she asked him openly to pass to the main course he could not disobey her demand.

"Are you ready?" He pushed himself up on his elbows while one of his hands travelled infallibly to her center, spreading her slick folds.

"Ohhhh, you know I am…" she purred and the condom slipped from her fingers at the feel of his body, any part of his body, making its way inside her. "Take me…"

Derek's hand was actually trembling when he picked up the fallen condom and quickly put it on. He hovered over her breathing heavily, their regards locked magically, his fingers lacing with hers above her head.

"I love you," he whispered and pushed himself into her opening, slowly but thoroughly, gasping as her vaginal muscles squeezed around him.

"I love ahh…" she groaned as he invaded her body. After two months of celibacy he felt indescribably bigger, his hard length almost tearing her apart.

"Should I… stop?" he breathed heavily, feeling how incredibly tight she was. "Am I hurting you…?"

"Nooo," her head trashed into the pillow. "As long as you… keep going I'm good… Please, move…"

"Okay," he kissed her sensuously and set to what they both desperately wanted. His hips worked in steady, regular, conscientious strokes… until it was physically impossible for him to stand the slow rhythm any more. The intense level of friction they were experiencing was soon going to set them on flames, which Derek wanted to put off as long as he could.

The tight fit of his penis inside her was overpowering. All ability of logical thinking was temporarily out of order, replaced with animalistic urges to ram her sex against Derek's, yank his raven mane and produce an entire range of wild sounds of enjoyment. Then, in her daze, she caught the sight of Derek atop of her. Her eyes opened wide as she stared at him with unhidden adoration. He was beautiful to watch, taut muscles glistening with a sheen of sweat as they flexed in effort, burying his long member into her; the spectacle of emotions playing on his features.

"Come for me…" she pleaded desiring to see his ecstasy with the final gratification he would receive from her.

"_You_ come for me," he hissed through gritted teeth. He was going to make her orgasm first even if his balls were to explode. He doubled the force of his thrusts taking her breath away and insinuated one hand between them. One decisive flick of his finger over her swollen nub of a clit was enough for her. She was powerless in his hands, unable to disobey him as she trembled, moaned and screamed, her channel strangling his cock desperately. His determination to prolong the experience for her sake soon flew out of the window. All resistance was futile; she felt too good, the release was way overdue. His body gave in when she was still riding her wave. Their climaxes that mingled into one seemed to hit them with a force of a tornado, breathtaking, staggering, merciless, all-consuming, ravaging… but also domestic and familiar like a spell of sunshine. Calling safely home like an incandescent beam coming from the lighthouse. Powerful and precise like a bolt of lightning and almost equally quick.

Even if they craved to enjoy themselves more fully, their starved bodies were quite unprepared for that. Worn out, they collapsed haphazardly not knowing where one ended and the other began. But that was good, that was right. That was the order of the world reinstated, the paradise lost regained. With that certainty they were lulled to sleep by the tingling in every inch of their bodies and their breathing slowing down.

* * *

Derek's eyes fluttered, his lips arching in a slow lazy smile, he was waking up. He stretched himself, slightly disorientated. The sex with Meredith was always mind-blowing… wait, sex with Meredith. He sighed with contentment nuzzling his face into the pillow. They finally made love and he had a feeling they were going to heavily rely on the considerable stock of condoms they brought along.

Meredith… His eyes opened wide suddenly as his girlfriend's warm body was not in contact with his. And giving the fact that he was lying on his stomach in the middle of the bed, she was nowhere near him.

"Fuck!" He heard her grumbling coming from the kitchen area followed with an irritated slamming of the fridge door.

He instantly relaxed. She hadn't left. She was probably hungry, they didn't have a chance to have a decent meal. They were too caught up with fulfilling their needs for each other. With that realization came another, they were in peril. Meredith trying to cook was even more dangerous than yelling Meredith. He slid out of the messy bed, hastily pulled on his boxers and trotted after the love of his life.

"Scavenging for food?" he chuckled at the sight of her as she was peeking into one of the cupboards, clad in his shirt that was reaching to her mid thigh.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" she bit her lip guiltily. "I woke up and got hungry."

"Yes, you did wake me up," he said deadpanned and strode the miniature space in two steps to gather her back in his arms. "By detaching your luscious body from mine…" he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I wanted to fix us something to eat," she muttered pressing her cheek to his chest just above his heart. "But there's virtually nothing."

"I haven't spent much time here lately…" he admitted pensively. "I guess I can make… pancakes?"

"Pancakes?" she giggled. "That's good for breakfast, not a midnight snack!"

"Well, Dr. Grey," he began seriously. "I don't see much sleep for us tonight so it might as well count as breakfast."

"Not much sleep, huh?" she purred squeezing his ass. "I'll be waiting for the breakfast… in bed, Dr. Shepherd." She smiled at him coyly and walked away to the bedroom letting his shirt slide down past her shoulders. "You wouldn't possibly have whipped cream… for the pancakes, would you?" she winked and disappeared quickly, leaving the abandoned shirt on the chair.

Derek grinned feeling his boxers getting too tight all over again, his insatiable minx was back. Damn, he frowned as he put the frying pan on the stove. No, he was a freaking health nut, he didn't have whipped cream.

* * *

Derek watched with fascination as Meredith polished off her third pancake, he just barely nibbled his first one.

"You should eat, you'll need your strength," she wiggled her eyebrows falling back into the pillows.

He had difficulty in concentrating on anything else than watching Meredith, as she insisted on the naked-in-bed rule. And she was producing all those tiny sexy sounds of appreciation as the pancakes disappeared into her mouth. In that moment, he started to question if he really needed food to survive. The proximity to Meredith seemed to fuel his organism just fine.

"Someone needs to be spoon-fed," she smirked at his reluctance and pushed him against the headboard when she was previously seated. "Open wide," she told him taking his plate and straddling his waist. He obediently accepted the piece she carried to his mouth on the fork. "Good boy, you've earned a reward." She leaned in to lick his lips and briefly sneak her tongue to his warm mouth only to teasingly back off before he could deepen the kiss. He let out a small groan of protest as her slick opening rubbed his hardening penis when she fidgeted on his lap.

They teased each other until the last pancake was gone and Derek noticed something else than playfulness lurking in her eyes.

"Mer, what's now in this pretty head of yours?" he demanded bringing his palm to rest in the crook of her neck.

"It's just… it's good to be back here… with you… on your land…" she confessed rearranging his unruly locks. "Reminds me about my last time here…"

"Yeah…" he sighed. "I woke up in your arms before dawn." He closed the distance between them so their chests were flush together. "And then I went fishing-"

"And came back when you heard me having that nightmare," she murmured reluctantly.

"And then we made love…"

"Mhm," she bit her lip. She already apologized to him once, he gave her his forgiveness. They were still issues though that needed to be addressed. "I wanted that day to be perfect."

"Perfect?"

"Yeah, that's what the sex was about. I wanted to start a perfect day in a perfect way… it was your birthday."

"You remembered?" he looked at her in evident surprise.

"Of course, I remembered," she rolled her eyes.

"Well, I didn't," he admitted sheepishly. "There wasn't anything on my mind besides you."

"I kind of suspected you had absolutely no idea," she giggled. "You know, I had a present for you…"

"You did?" he smiled. "What did you get for me?"

"Something completely opposite than what I gave you," her regard was once again apologetic. "You have no idea how bad it makes me feel … what I did to you, threw you out… on your special day."

"Love, do you think I blame you?" his face expressed only sincerity. "You were in an equal pain. You thought I cheated on you."

"Anyway," she let out a deep troubled sign. "I did have a gift for you."

"Did have?" he arched one of his eyebrows.

"Well," she looked uncomfortably at the ceiling. "I kind of…"

"Destroyed it?" chuckled Derek knowing her temper.

"A part of it, yes," she nodded. "Plane tickets… I was to take you away to the wine country for the whole weekend…"

"Now that's a shame," he faked a deeply disappointed look. "I suspect a completely drunk Meredith would be something."

"You have no idea…" her saucy reply made goose bumps erupt all over his body. "Drunk Meredith… is a wild Meredith…"

"Wilder than normal?" he uttered, his throat dry.

"Anyway," she brushed off airily only to continue with a more sober voice. "That's not everything I planned. I wanted… to ask you to move in with me. No more sleepovers."

"You did?" he asked breathlessly, his heart beating out of his chest.

"Mhm. And you know what? I still do. I want you back in my life, full time. So, do you… ?"

He laughed freely, a little high with the recent developments. "Yes, definitely," he nodded.

"Good, because once you agreed as I had thought you would, I was to proceed with lots and lots of… s.e.x.," she mouthed and suddenly made them shift their position slightly so Derek was sprawled on his back with her on top. "So I'm sorry that I'm this late but… Happy Birthday… "

She bent to kiss him soundly on the lips, her hair cascading all around her and teasing his chest along with her hardened nipples.

"… oldie," she couldn't help giggling.

His hands gripped her hips tightly as he yelped indignantly. "I'm not old! We've already had that conversation!"

"Suuure." She snorted, her fingertips roamed his chest tantalizingly never getting close enough to his loins.

"Oh, you need a reminder," he hissed and made to roll them around on the bed but she resisted hooking her legs around his and grasping the headboard.

"Lie down, Casanova!" she gasped while struggling for control. "You want me to fuck you or not?"

"You better," he grumbled beneath her, giving in. "And you better be good, remember you're the one who dumped me on my birthday."

"When was I ever not good at this?" she cocked her head, fidgeting over him. She felt herself dripping wet as she recognized the dangerous spark in his eyes. Pissed Derek was porniness personified.

A brief moment later, she rolled the latex of condom on his erect penis and impaled herself on it quickly. They both groaned at the tight fit. She started to move over him torturously slow, knowing perfectly that would rile him up even more. Her hips twisted unexpectedly changing directions of her grinding. She switched her tactics when she reduced him to a panting trashing mess, bouncing up and down on his hard length, enjoying the dark cloudy look with which he was observing her swaying breasts. Then she surprised him yet again, rotating herself so that he was facing her back and her ass. She picked her pace frantically as Derek thrust up violently.

Though even as their main activity consisted in gyrating their middle sections to achieve the highest sexual pleasure possible, the physical sensation was not the priority. Just as she knew, as they both did, it was all about their precious union; Meredith smiled wildly as Derek's hand found hers and their fingers intertwined.

* * *

**A/N Comments? :)**

**Next update: Derek and Meredith test their boundaries, so to speak.**

**Have a great weekend!**

**Em **


	42. Chapter 42: Lessons In Love

**A/N Hey, sorry for disappearing once again, it's a busy time of year.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Derek would have never predicted how quickly they would repair the damage in their relationship. Three weeks after they made up in the intern locker room, their connection was more solid than it had been before the breakup, growing stronger every day. Mainly due to the fact that they sat down and talked, at least twenty minutes a day, every day. Their life was fast and irregular but the conversation time was a steady unchangeable point in the program. Some days, it was important stuff, other just a light drabble. But it brought about progress.

Outside the hospital they were pretty much inseparable, practically living together just as they agreed on. Practically, because the choice of the place to do the living together part was harder than it would seem. Derek assumed he would simply move in with Meredith but she surprised him again by insisting to spend a considerable amount of time on his land. She was apparently in love with his land. She even enthusiastically agreed to be taught how to fish when it got warmer. And the amount of sex they were having, not of this earth. They were like bunnies on drugs, especially now that Meredith was back on the pill. They fucked whenever and wherever they wished.

Like now, for example. Derek's mind was happily drifting between the worlds of dream and reality as he kept pounding relentlessly into Meredith's warmth, his swollen balls slapping against her. She was on all fours with her cute butt in the air, offered just for him. And didn't he fully took advantage. He was totally crazy about her, about the way her slick walls enveloped his length, spasming around him; about the way she was succumbing to whatever he was doing with her body, about the guttural uninhibited screams and moans.

Her body shook with pleasure and her arms gave in letting her face sink onto the pillow. Derek tightened his grip on her hips not letting her fall as her trembling legs also threatened to surrender. His thrusts doubled in force, they both liked it rough. Her orgasm seemed to go on and on forever, challenging and teasing him into his own release. He was unyielding though. He waited patiently, sweat working up on his brow, until the wave crashed over her. Feeling her fall into the postcoital bliss he pumped into her hard and succumbed into the pleasure spraying her channel with his seed. Once done, he managed to steer himself slightly on the side so as not to crush her inert body and sank down spooning her. They lay in the tight sweaty embrace for quite some time, the only sound filling the trailer being their heavy respiration slowly returning to normal.

"Amazing," she murmured breathlessly. "You're amazing…"

"Of course I am," he snickered. "I am a sex god and I'm huge."

"Arrogant much?" she giggled reaching behind her to slap his ass.

"Nope, just repeating your own words, love," he smirked.

"Huh, I guess I had to feed your ego so you took me here," she shrugged.

"You really love this place," he stated in wonder.

"I do," she sighed contentedly rolling to her back in his arms. "It's just the two of us in here. Like a lost world. It's beautiful, it's magical."

His eyes sparkled as a sudden thought occurred in his mind. It was a bit crazy but blame the recklessness on the orgasmic high.

"Would you… like to live here?" he asked breathlessly. "Permanently?"

"In the trailer?" she laughed. "I do love it. But it's too small for the day to day. Half of my wardrobe wouldn't fit in."

"No, I mean," he looked at her enthusiastically. "I have a lot of land. It could be… our land… we could have a house on it…"

"A house?" she repeated gazing at him curiously and her eyes lit. "A house… Just for us, made for us, just the way we want…"

"Just the way we want…" he nodded and brought her hand to his lips.

They contemplated the idea in silence until Meredith said quietly. "Let's build a house… a home for us…"

He shook his head at her in reverence and locked his lips with her in a sweet kiss full of promise.

"Am I genius too?" he asked cockily.

"What, being a sex god with a huge cock is not enough?" she smirked.

"Oh, well, you don't need to say this," he shrugged. "I'm a neurosurgeon, being a genius is a part of the definition."

"Keep telling yourself that. Just so you know, this," she sat up and patted his messy head, "is not the one head I'm with you for," she giggled and leapt running out of bed.

He rested frozen in the bed for a second before he jumped after her with a roar. "Now you're asking for it!"

He cornered her in the already steamy shower, eyeing her like a predator before lunging on his prey.

"Asking for what?" she battled her lashes at him innocently, her arms together in front of her chest.

He smirked at her wickedly, "You're so easy-"

She faked an indignant huff.

"- to decipher, I meant," he finished with a naughty grin. "Your thoughts always seem to run into one direction only."

"Seriously?" she squinted challenging him.

"Seriously," he murmured and plunged his hand between her legs turning her to face the shower wall. "Now, let's get to do what you lured me here for," he whispered hotly into her ear. "Bend."

* * *

Just like every other day for the last weeks they carpooled to work together, bought a cup of coffee at the cart near the entrance and made their way up to their floor, their pinkies hooked discreetly. They didn't really care about the gossip anymore. Everyone seemed to get used to their bliss by now. The looks they were getting, even if sometimes still curious, were all kind and friendly.

"Ah, I need to go," Derek read the message on his pager as they exited the elevator.

"See you at lunch then, barring any complications," she smiled and gave him a little sweet kiss on the lips before they parted in opposite directions.

Fifteen minutes later, already in his scrubs, Derek entered the CT room to find one of the lab tech specialists already there.

"Morning," nodded Derek. "Is there something for me?"

"Dr. Shepherd," nodded the man in grayish scrubs.

"Isaac, if you don't stop calling me Dr. Shepherd, I'm seriously gonna have to cut you off."

"Right, forgot," smiled Isaac. "I have your scans, Derek."

"I didn't order any scans," he frowned slightly.

"I think they're for a consult," the man hesitated for a second. "I can come back if you're busy."

"No, it's okay," assured Derek and waited for Isaac to put the images up. His eyes opened wide with the first look at the scan. They moved carefully inspecting every line and he couldn't help letting a deep sigh escape him. "It's a tumor on the spinal cord," he explained expertly. "Possibly a hemangioblastoma."

"You've seen one before?" asked Isaac quickly.

"Not this big," he shook his head, an expression of professional fascination overtaking his features. "You see how the tumor has worked its way up the spine? It's taken over the blood supply. It's a perfect tumor. You know if the patient still has leg function?"

"Yes."

"Incredible," Derek shook his head. "He shouldn't be walking. He should be paralyzed, dead."

"You'd have to operate quickly, then, to take the tumor out?" took up Isaac.

"Oh, I'd love to operate on this," he smiled gently eyeing the image of the tumor. "But, no. No, you have to cut the cord, paralyze the patient, to kill the tumor. Who's the doctor on this one?"

"You," replied simply Isaac.

"I'm sorry," chuckled Derek turning to him.

"These are my scans," admitted Isaac. "The tumor is mine. I'd like you to take it out. I'd like you to try. One doctor said it was bad circulation. Another one, pinched nerve. But when the pain started to interfere with work, I decided to run an M.R.I. on myself."

Derek's face fell as he listened to his colleague, "Isaac, had I known this was your scan, I wouldn't have-"

"I have been to every doctor, Derek. Every time, it's the same thing. They look at the tumor and they're defeated. But not you. You were inspired. That's why I know I was right to come and work here. I needed to meet you. "

"You got a job here to meet me?" frowned Derek, torn between feeling flattered and sorry for the man in front of him.

"I have researched every neurosurgeon in this country," went on Isaac. "I know their statistics, I know who wins the most prizes, who's not afraid to take risks for their patients."

"Isaac, I know you believe I can take this tumor out, and I wish I could. But this surgery will kill you," Derek argued rationally.

"Take the scans. Look them over." Isaac was relentless. "But stop your mind before the part where it gets to "no." Think "yes."

* * *

Derek swung in his chair pensively waiting for the new set of scans to appear on the screen, hoping they would help him make the right decision. Would he really dare to reach out for something that others judged impossible? They chances were Isaac wouldn't make it through the surgery. On the other hand, it was only a matter of time before the tumor took away his life. Ah, the dilemma surgeons had to face only too often. He needed another opinion, he needed advice.

"Now you've got your life back on track you've gone in search of some crazy ass tumor?" drawled Mark hovering behind his back and sipping on his coffee.

"I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm just looking," shrugged Derek. Mark probably wasn't the one he should seek advice from.

"The lab tech guy has a tumor?" Cristina Yang stormed into the CT room, driven by avid curiosity. "Oh, it's awesome!"

"Awesome in a bad way," frowned Callie Torres as she joined them. "It's eaten five levels of his spine. Wait, you're not seriously considering…?"

"Of course he is," shrugged Cristina giving Derek a pat on the shoulder. "He's Shepherd."

"Isaac's got a bone spur or a herniated disk, not a…" trailed off Izzie as she marched in with a worried face. She didn't have any more illusions when she glanced at the picture that was travelling from hand to hand. "He diagnosed an osteosarcoma case for me a month ago. I thought it was a shadow, but it turned out to be the tiniest little lesion on an x-ray."

"That says more about you than it does him," jabbed Mark.

"Huh, I'm sorry. Do you even know who Isaac is?" Izzie squinted at him venomously.

"No idea," he shrugged disinterestedly.

"Hey, what's everyone..." Addie peeked into the room curiously. "Oh, a spinal tumor."

"Hey, I've just heard," she was closely followed by Owen. "Isaac has an inoperable tumor?"

"It's Isaac's tumor?" she asked with concern.

Derek sighed, he almost prayed to take Isaac to the OR right then right now, to dive into the quietness of the sterile environment.

"Boo hoo," snorted Cristina. "Who says it's inoperable?"

"Hey," Derek raised his voice to silence their bickering as the image started to appear on the screen and everyone gathered close to take a look. The first scan certainly didn't lie.

"Oh, come on. It's all the way up to t-2!"

"See, this is why I got into plastics."

"Oh, that's gotta be..."

Suddenly a stern voice imposed order once and for all, "Why aren't you all at your surgeries?"

Derek glanced gratefully at Meredith who was standing at the door with her arms crossed over her chest. "Go, get to your ORs."

One by one they left, leaving Derek and Meredith alone in the CT room.

"What's going on?" she demanded leaning on the edge of the desk and bringing her hand to caress his temple.

"Just look," he pointed at the screen, looking at her face intently. Meredith was definitely the one person whose advice he needed. One neurosurgeon to another.

"Oh, wow," she got to her feet, her eyes trained fixedly on the image. "This tumor is dangerous… Complicated and smart… Beautiful… This tumor is the reason I got into medicine in the first place. To successfully take out this tumor would be an achievement you could hang your hat on for the rest of your career…" suddenly she lapsed into silence as though hit by a realization. She looked at Derek and back at the screen. "You want to…?" she cocked her head.

He nodded with a small smile. Her reaction was all he needed to make him sure he was right in his decision. "Yeah, I want to try. The patient, it's Isaac. He's one-"

"I know who he is," she cut him off, her face serious as she frowned at the representation of the tumor.

"So," Derek looked at her expectantly. "It's a major surgery. I need your approval."

"I…" she took a deep breath and turned to face him. "I wouldn't go near it. It's a beast."

His mouth opened in surprise but she continued before he could say anything.

"It's a malpractice suit waiting to happen, even if we could get his insurance to cover it," she shook her head.

"Did I mention he was an employee?" asked Derek wondering if her sudden reservations were purely of financial nature.

"Our pro bono budget can't cover high-risk surgeries for every employee in this hospital," she replied indifferently.

"What happened to you?" he asked quietly, standing up.

"Excuse me?"

"I thought you'd be convincing me to go with this surgery," he stated frankly. "But now you're telling me no?"

She sighed uneasily, her eyes travelling between the floor and his face. "You came to me as the chief of surgery and I said no. As for my medical opinion, it is also no."

"A minute ago you were telling me something completely different," he reminded firmly.

"There is such a thing as an inoperable tumor, Derek."

"What if it's not? What if I get in there, I open it up, I look around-"

Meredith only shook her head. "There is no way. Anything other than cutting the cord would kill this man."

"Meredith-"

"I don't know how many times you want me to say it," her regard was unyielding. "You are not operating on an inoperable tumor. I'm sorry, Derek," she finished gently. "I'll see you later, okay?"

With the last apologetic look, she walked out leaving Derek alone with his very confused thoughts. Once he made up his mind, once he was sure in his decision, Meredith of all people made him question his resolve. What now?

* * *

As he was filling in the chart of his patient, Derek kept questioning his own sanity. Did he really decided to do what he was about to do? Did he really scheduled the surgery disobeying the Chief's orders? Meredith's orders, his girlfriend's orders... Hell, their professional relationship never interfered so acutely into their private life, not since they were sworn enemies during her first days at Grace.

They just recovered from a major crisis, they were doing good, wonderful even. They lived together, they were talking about marriage and as of this morning building a house in the wilderness. Was he just about to blow it big time?

"The word on the OR floor is that you've gone rogue," said Mark lowering his voice as he propped himself against the counter.

He sighed and replied trying to sound more confident than he really was, "I'm doing a surgery I fully believe in."

"You're gonna piss the Chief off," observed Mark innocently.

Derek's pen halted on the paper. Hearing his fears spoken out loud felt terrible."And you're concerned because?" he said with annoyance.

"Because I don't want to pick up the pieces of you from the floor again," answered Mark, deadpanned.

"She's not gonna dump me for this," argued Derek heavily. "It's professional. It has nothing to do with supposed cheating."

"It's professional cheating," Mark shrugged his shoulders. "A woman like Grey can take it harder than cheating proper."

Derek shook his head at him with pity. "We're too strong for something like this to come between us. Even if there's an argument," he conceded, "we'll talk it out. Have I told you? We're going to build a house on my forty acres."

"Well, let's hope you won't have to build a separate bedroom for yourself when she gets wind of this."

"Have you gone rogue?" asked excitedly Cristina as she appeared in the lobby with Addison, straight from a surgery the oversaw together.

"I'm doing a surgery I believe in," Derek repeated tiredly.

"Against the Chief's orders," Addie stopped beside to scowl at both him and Mark reproachfully. "She's gonna freak when she finds out."

"Hey, I told him!" Mark raised his hands.

"I-" started Derek.

"Shh!" Addie silenced him. " 'Cause me, Meredith, secrets? Bad idea."

"Hey, I think it is bad ass," shrugged Cristina and walked off.

Badass… from the two of them Meredith was always the one to be described badass. Although, she clearly said she wouldn't go near this tumor. But he believed he should. He closed his chart decidedly, he was not making a mistake.

* * *

He was making a huge mistake, that thought seemed to completely overtake his mental processes. Another full hour passed and he still didn't make a single step to attack the tumor. It was impossible, it was an inoperable tumor. He couldn't do it. He felt absolutely powerless, and the pointed looks and whispers coming to him from his team like through a fog didn't raise his morale. Where was his inspiration now? Meredith was surely on his trail by now, seeing as he disappeared for hours on end, missed lunch, didn't meet her for a quickie in her office…

He was behaving irrationally. He was tired, frustrated, confused, barking mad as he was talking to himself, oh, and apparently mean.

As he stared fixedly at his foe, the apparently inoperable tumor, he vaguely registered someone talking to him. Insistently. Irritating him even more.

"What?" he snapped, exposing his dreamy reputation to a risk. He took his eyes off the microscope and noticed it was Miranda.

She flinched slightly but said with understanding in her voice, "Okay, I'm sure it's a completely authorized surgery but you might like to know that the Chief is scheduled to do a surgery across the hall in OR 3 shortly. So if you're planning on doing something, anything, you might want to do it soon."

He breathed out deeply fighting back his nervousness and nodded with gratitude, "Thank you, Dr. Bailey."

Where that knowledge left him? How was he supposed to act knowing Meredith was just a step from discovering his insubordination? He couldn't predict her reaction. Just like he couldn't predict any way to handle Isaac's disease.

* * *

The day sucked, grumbled Meredith inwardly as she trudged her feet to OR 3 for her procedure. Who would have thought given how well it started. She woke up in Derek's arms in his trailer and then her boyfriend unceremoniously proceeded to take her from behind, twice. Her boyfriend who was currently going M.I.A. on her. She didn't see him all day, since that awkward moment when she refused to let him operate on Isaac's super- tumor.

Was he mad at her? Possibly. She definitely would at his place. But she just couldn't let him take the risk… She shook her head. It was not in Derek's style to get moody and broody. Withhold sex yes, but not avoid confrontation. They definitely needed to sit down and talk, explain everything calmly.

She turned around the corner noticing Mark, Addison and Izzie Stevens trying to peek through a door to one of the ORs.

"This is why you don't go rogue," Mark's words reached her ears as she got closer. "Look at him. He's cracked. Could've told you this was gonna happen."

"Don't be smug. This is one of our people's lives at stake," berated him Izzie. Meredith's eyebrow arched up. _One of our people's lives?_

"Oh, this is so depressing," groaned Addie. "Ten hours staring into his spine and he can't figure out what to do."

Meredith stopped in her tracks. "What did you just say?"

The trio before her looked at her with wide eyes.

"What? No! I didn't… Did I?" stammered Addison.

That said it all. One wouldn't have to be a genius to figure it all out. Derek's absence and them covering his ass. She elbowed her way to the door and pushed it open brining a surgical mask across her face.

"Dr. Shepherd!"

* * *

**A/N No, they're not going to break up, don't worry :)**

**I hope you're having a very**** Merry Christmas!**

**Em :)**


	43. Chapter 43: Send Me An Angel

**A/N Thank you for all the comments and your ongoing interest in this story****. Hope you enjoy the second part.**

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd!" her low disappointed voice rang in his ears. The game was up, it was over. He spent half a day in the OR not making a single cut. And now Meredith was here. Given the fact he didn't even started the procedure beside opening up the patient, he would have no choice but to let go.

"Dr. Shepherd!" she addressed him more insistently. She wasn't yelling, probably for the sake of the patient. He froze, almost afraid to think what was going to happen next.

"Am I to understand that you cancelled your surgeries to operate on a spinal cord tumor?" she demanded curtly. "Dr. Shepherd!"

At his complete unresponsiveness, she put the mask fully and moved up to where he stood behind the table.

"For the rate of infection for this patient," she went on quietly, her voice strictly professional, anger well in check, "is increasing every second you keep him open. Not to mention the financial losses for your standing here doing nothing. So I am demanding that you close this man up. Close him up and relinquish the OR. Right now, Derek." She demanded with a steely voice.

The fact that she used his first name seemed to break him from his stupor. "Okay," he whispered and glanced at the resident across the table. "That's it. Let's close him up."

Meredith sighed heavily and reached to stop the clock indicating the time that passed since the beginning of the procedure.

"I want to see you in my office after my procedure, Dr. Shepherd," she admonished without a second glance in his direction before she left the OR.

* * *

Three hours later, all the confusion and indecisiveness that enveloped his brain was gone. As he waited for her outside her office he only hoped Meredith wouldn't throw a fit and listen calmly to what he had to say. Despite feeling slightly apprehensive towards their confrontation, he waited with impatience for the end of her procedure. His friends' drabble was getting on his nerves. Surely, he could easily make himself comfortable in her office in the meantime. He often did when they were to meet for lunch or for, well, sex.

This time, however, he wasn't here fulfilling the role of her boyfriend. He was here for strictly professional reasons, reasons that any employee would like to avoid. But he had been reckless, he got into this mess head-on.

"Don't want to come up with "I told you" line, but I told you," ranted Mark for the hundredth time, making Derek roll his eyes. Sometimes, he wondered if his friends and colleagues had a life, they seemed to live vicariously through him and Meredith.

"We can back you up," assured him Izzie. "You just wanted to save the life of one of our own."

"It's not like she's going to fire him," shrugged Cristina. "It was his call. He had a right-"

"No, I didn't," Derek denied quickly fearing his misbehavior could prove more pernicious than he thought, especially in regards to Meredith's authority.

"He was your patient," argued Cristina. "It was up to you to choose what was the best option."

"What happened to your believing in the surgery?" piped Mark.

"I did believe," nodded Derek. "And I would still have liked to give it a try even if I had known I was going to stand and stare at that spine for hours. But I made mistake," he admitted tiredly. "I should have never go with it without her knowledge because, even though we were at difference of opinions, she's the Chief. We chose her to be the ultimate authority in this hospital. We had the choice, no one forced us, certainly not Meredith. And now we have to accept it and all her decisions or, well, she's not going to sit and watch."

"Finally a voice of reason in this madhouse," remarked Bailey as she halted beside them curiously. "For the future, I advise conversation. You'd be surprised how far it could get you."

"Seriously! What is this?" Meredith just appeared on the scene, her forehead creased with a frown as her eyes swept over the little group of surgeons. "A funeral procession? He's not going to the scaffold! Don't you have a home to go to?" she shook her head irritably and walk in to her office. "Dr. Shepherd!" she ushered him in leaving the door open.

"That's a good sign, she's joking. You're gonna live," chuckled Mark. "Maybe you'll even get spanked."

"I heard that!" Meredith's shriek reached them from the confines of the room.

"What was that, Derek?" she fired at him from behind her desk as soon as he closed the door. "Care to explain me? And sit down," she asked him, seeing as he was going to stand before her like a naughty little boy caught red-handed.

"That was… me confusing the boundaries between our private life and work relationship," he confessed looking her straight in the eye as he took one of the chairs in front of the desk.

"What?" That wasn't the answer she expected. She was prepared to listen to arguments that all he had on his mind was the patient's wellbeing, that the surgery was the only way to save his life…

"You know what Isaac told me today?" took Derek slowly. "That he knew I could do the surgery, that I was inspired. I thought about it again after I closed him up. And I truly was inspired. By you."

"By… me?" she uttered hesitantly.

"When you came here and I realized I lost the race for the office… I had no direction in my life. I didn't know what was next for me, what was supposed to be next for me," he went on.

"I'm sorry-" she started.

"Don't be," he chuckled. "You came along and we started this thing, and you gave me a different kind of inspiration. As the most important person in my life you inspire me to try to be a better man. But you inspire me as a doctor as well, as a chief. When it comes to patient care, you're fearless. You never back down before a challenge when you can save your patient. That's why I was convinced that tumor could be treated, to the point where I disregarded your orders. And that's where I got confused. Because you inspire me at all levels. But I should have know that… that performing an unauthorized surgery isn't the same as sneaking a packet of muesli into the house behind your back," he gave her a small smile.

All the time, she listened to him intently with growing surprise. "I… don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything," he assured her. "That was my mistake, I won't do it again."

She nodded slowly, suddenly very pensive.

"So, I'm going to change and we meet by the elevators as usual?" he stood up and walked around the desk to plant a brief kiss on her lips.

"Huh, sure," she replied quickly leaning forward to meet his mouth.

"See you in a bit," he smiled and left her alone.

Her mouth opened involuntarily as soon as he walked out as though she wanted to continue the conversation. Having given Derek's confession a second thought, she guiltily felt he wasn't the only one at fault. Certainly not the only one to confuse boundaries either.

* * *

Meredith crept silently to the kitchen and halted to lean against the doorframe, watching Derek busy himself around the stove. Lost in her musings, she bit her lower lip absentmindedly and soundlessly tapped the wooden frame with her fingertips. They were good, just as good as they had been in the morning. Derek going rampage in the OR didn't become an elephant in the room. Derek was fine with it, and except the ongoing concern about Isaac, he put the whole affair behind them. Whereas, Meredith… did not.

The longer her thoughts lingered on Derek's words, the more she was sure she didn't act like a Chief should. She wasn't fair to Derek, but that could be easily repaired. They were long past the point where a minor difference of opinions could produce serious complications for their relationship. What was worse was that due to her incompetence she could prevent a man getting the treatment he deserved. She didn't feel at all she was good influence on Derek today, not as his girlfriend, not as his boss.

Her eyes were fixed on him as he stirred the gravy, his hips clad in dark jeans rotated slightly. She gulped, her sexual libido was really distracting at points. She shook her head to brush off the dirty thoughts and called his name, "Der?"

He flinched in surprise and let the spoon slip from his fingers. "Meredith, you scared me!"

She giggled lightly and pushed herself off the wall. She handed him a wipe as he fished out the sunken spoon.

"Thanks," he chuckled and leaned forward for a small kiss.

"Tastes good," she purred feeling the traces of the gravy he must have tried beforehand.

"Of course I do," he smirked.

"I meant the gravy," she teased him. "But you certainly add to the flavor."

He smiled giving her another kiss and went back to cooking before their dinner had a chance to burn down.

"So," started Meredith picking up a glass of wine from the counter. "I am… honored…"

"Honored?" he threw her a quick questioning glance over his shoulder.

"I am… truly honored to be your inspiration," she breathed out.

He looked at her again with a small frown but seeing she was completely serious, his face lit up with a smile.

"But!" she raised her hand to stop him from interrupting her. "I need to apologize too. I wasn't a good chief today. Trying to be a good girlfriend maybe, but not a chief. And, the truth is, I… I confused the boundaries as well."

He reduced the fire under the pot to let the contents simmer gently and he turned fully to face her, leaning back against the cupboard, his arms upon his chest and his eyes studying her curiously.

"And before anything, I need you to know that I think you're an amazing doctor," she hurried with her assurance which only made Derek's eyebrow ride higher. "Not that you don't know that, you obviously do…"

"I do know that," he frowned.

"Good," she nodded eagerly. "I know that too. Just so you know that I know."

"Okay," he acknowledged skeptically. "And your point is?"

"And my point is…"she took a deep breath, "that I was completely unprofessional and out of line today. You came to me-"

"And you told me not to operate on an inoperable tumor," he finished patiently. "Mer, I don't have any issues about it. It's only reasonable."

"No, the problem is that I would go with the operation without any hesitancy," she argued.

"You'd like to operate?" he asked disbelievingly.

"No, Derek! I don't want to steal your surgery!" she huffed indignantly, her cheeks turning red. "I wanted to protect you!"

"Protect me from what?" he was genuinely puzzled.

"It's a high-risk surgery," she muttered tracing patterns on the counter. "There's a greater chance of failure than success."

"And you thought I'd fail?" he demanded though his voice wasn't angry or hurt, maybe somewhat amused.

"Not at all!" she denied immediately. "I told you I think you're a great doctor. It's just… it's a risky surgery. And you care so much about your patients, sympathize with them. Isaac is not any patient, he's your colleague. I would hate to see you blame yourself if anything happened to him, and I don't imply you'd make a mistake or something…"

"Oh, Mer," he sighed gently and crossed the distance to put his arms tightly around her, planting a kiss at the top of her head. "Thank you."

"What the hell for?" she frowned fidgeting in his embrace. "I shattered your confidence, almost ruined that man's chances for treatment and… I told you I didn't know exactly how to handle this being a caring girlfriend thing!"

"I think you do," he murmured affectionately lightly swaying with her. "You were trying to protect me. And clearly Derek the boyfriend comes before Dr. Shepherd."

"I feel like we're developing double personalities," she muttered burying her face into his chest.

He chuckled at her words. "And don't worry too much you made a mistake. Obviously, you were right. There's nothing we could do about it, it's inoperable."

"Maybe yes, maybe not," she threw lightly detaching herself from his warm hug and glancing around.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to found out if the tumor's really inoperable," she scrunched her nose rummaging through the ugly decorative plate of her mother's where they kept odds and ends."

"There?" he chuckled. "Or maybe in the fridge? Did you look under the table?"

"Smartass," she sing sang. "You don't have the CT scan on you by any chance?"

"Isaac's scan? No."

"Okay, then tell me about the tumor," she asked him standing beside the opposite side of the wall, the one which was simply painted and not covered with tiles. "Come on, Dr. Shepherd."

"It was more vascular than the M.R.I. showed," he sighed.

"But you were able to do the decompression?"

"Yes."

"But you weren't able to find a plane to dissect?"

"No plane, nothing," he shook his head cocking an eyebrow as he noticed her fistful of marker pens. "It was just… There was no path, nothing distinct."

"Well, why?" she smiled up at him.

"Because it was just… It…" he stammered powerlessly.

"You know, I have an idea," she grinned enthusiastically and before he could stop her, her hand drew a black sinus line clearly distinct on the background that was the lightly green wall.

"What are you doing?" he gasped following the black path like in a trance. "Now you've completely lost your mind."

"Shut up," she silenced him gently. "I'm inspiring you, I'm your muse."

"Mer?" he probed after a brief moment.

"What?" she asked dryly expecting him to protest.

"Muses are usually naked," he replied, deadpanned.

"Wow," she looked at him with fake awe. "Quite a talent, turning porny a conversation about a deadly tumor."

"What can I say? I've got great inspiration."

"The muse will get naked when we figure this out," she waved her hand at the drawing that now depicted a spine. "I can only go this far, your turn," she reached her hand offering the markers.

With an expression of utmost amusement, he took them and took a breath, his brain going in retrospect to every detail.

"Oh, watch out for our dinner," he threw carelessly, his mind already occupied with something else. He set to finish Meredith's picture muttering under his breath, "T-7. It goes all the way up to t-2. I didn't know what vessel was connected to the tumor or to the cord…"

"So what I did was..." he raked his head absentmindedly. "Start here, the anterior spinal artery could rupture. The cord could die. Here, you risk catching the radicular artery under the tumor. The cord dies. I cannot expose the arteries… The draining veins are very thin. You slip up, they burst. He leaves my OR a quadriplegic. I might as well cut the cord…"

"Which you didn't do," reminded him soberly Meredith.

"Even if Isaac said I could…" he sighed, making a few steps back to studying his completed picture.

"You didn't cut the cord," she repeated. "Even if Isaac said you could. Even though you knew it would save his life."

"Well, he still has function in his legs," argued Derek.

"No, but what I mean is, you didn't cut the cord," Meredith stood beside him. "You stood in the OR for hours. You knew I would stop you. Anybody else would've, and you didn't. So there must be a reason why."

She made no move no sound as he got lost in his own reeling mind. He paced here and there rubbing his chin with his hand.

"We shouldn't cut the cord," he said cautiously standing before her abruptly. "The mistake I made today was that I wanted a plan. There can be no plan. I just have to pick a point and cut. Isaac wants me to take the risk."

"You'll take the risk," she nodded.

"Will I?" he eyed her. "Do I have your approval?"

"You do, Dr. Shepherd," she said professionally but a smile played on her lips. "On one condition."

"What's the condition?"

"I've got to be your doctor," she answered seriously.

"My doctor?" he chuckled.

"You need somebody in the OR," she explained seriously, "who's gonna remind you to take breaks, to bend your legs, to drink water. You'll be my patient, essentially," she concluded with a smile.

"You want to be my doctor?" he asked again. "What about the hospital? You know how long it might take."

"What do I have George for?" she shrugged breezily.

"So, in the OR…" he began cheekily, cocking his head to the side. "You're going to by my doctor, chief or girlfriend?"

"Crap," she breathed out. "I told you that I told you… but I told you I'm not good at handling this. It's just I can't suddenly forget you're the love of my life every time you wear a lab coat!"

"Don't," he pleaded quickly engaging her in a sensual sweet kiss. "Now, we get the surgery discussed, I believe my muse promised me some naked art?"

She looked at him smugly, "You have a long day ahead. Your muse's priority is to make sure you eat your dinner and to tuck you in bed."

She giggled at Derek's pout. "And then she can think about some nakedness… just to keep your inspiration," she added.

"Now we're talking," he rubbed his hands excitingly as he sat down observing Meredith fill their plates with the food that was now only semi-hot.

At the first look, one could perhaps argue that he and Meredith were completely unmatched but… he couldn't remember a moment when he felt more understood by, more compatible to another person. They were made for each other. That simple thought made his mind stop on the image of the ring he bought almost three months ago, the ring he might just put to use. He got burned once but why should he get discouraged? Meredith knew about his intentions and certainly wasn't freaked out. She cared for him in the big way interfering with her work. She was taking care of him.

Her fingers sank into his hair affectionately as she placed the plate before him. They would get to the point when he asked her questions and she said yes. Tonight, he was just going to enjoy some quality time with her and tomorrow, tomorrow they would try to take out the super tumor.

* * *

Since they left for work the next morning, it wasn't for almost forty hours when they made it back home. The surgery was a true marathon, and afterwards they waited for Isaac to wake up. However, the smiles never left their faces as the procedure turned out to be a success. And they both felt it surpassed a solely medical experience.

Derek couldn't be more grateful to Meredith for insisting to be his doctor. She really helped him to advance through, took care of him, made him feel as though she had his back. She was with him through all thirty hours of the surgery, providing him with drinks, wiping his sweaty brow, preventing him from choking like the day before. She even made sure he had other people to talk to other than her. Mark, Miranda and Owen spent a fair amount of time in Derek's OR. She was gentle, sweet and helpful. She replaced his resident when he felt cramping in his hand. She convinced him it was his call to choose one of two vessels to dissect, the very last one. On the other hand, she could easily keep him in line if she felt he needed some discipline. Her eyes shot daggers when she snapped at him to drink some water.

For Meredith, it was without a doubt one of the most trying surgeries in her career, even if she wasn't the surgeon in charge and she barely touched the instruments. She was rooting for Derek, probably more than for the patient. She wanted him to succeed so badly. He deserved that, with all the talent, effort and heart he invested in this surgery. He was under unbelievable pressure all the time, every hour, every minute. After one critical moment, he was half decided to cut the cord to save Isaac's life; he doubled over once the immediate danger was gone and returned the contents of his stomach on the floor. But hours and hours later, it all paid off. They all held their breaths as Derek executed the last cut. To everyone's relief, his decision was the right one. The tumor was out, Isaac survived with his leg function intact. Meredith wouldn't be surprised if the next Harper Avery already bore Derek's name.

When they came back home together, they were high on adrenaline rush. They stumbled through the house throwing their coats and briefcases haphazardly, chuckling and giggling tiredly. Meredith grabbed a bottle of champagne from the fridge and they hurried upstairs to their bedroom. As soon as he reached the bed, Derek sank down stretching himself with a contented sigh.

"You're tired, aren't you?" Meredith whispered tenderly as she leaned against the headboard beside him, running her fingers over his scalp.

"Mhm," he huffed nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.

She balanced the champagne bottle in her hand and struggled slightly to open it up, they had an occasion to celebrate.

"You know, I'm so proud of you," she said quietly. "I guess now I have to agree that you're a genius," she giggled waiting for his cocky reply.

"Derek?" she scrunched her face and shifted to look at him. His head bobbed inertly on her shoulder. Poor thing, he completely wore himself out. She gingerly put the bottle down on the floor and reached out to turn off the night lamp. Their closeness was enough of a celebration. The soothing darkness shrouded their bodies as easy well-earned sleep claimed them.

* * *

**A/N Next chapter: Derek makes Meredith celebrate two important occasions****. Prepare for a cheese-fest. :)**

**I'd like to wish everyone Happy New Year!**

**Em**


	44. Chapter 44: Us 2 Little Gods

**A/N Hey, I hope the new year started wonderfully for all of you!**

**The following update (as well as the next one) is insanely cheesy, so be forewarned. ;)**

* * *

Meredith opened her eyes slowly, reluctantly, as her mind drifted back to consciousness, a very uncomfortable consciousness. Her muscles felt slightly stiff after a night spent in the simple bunk bed in the on-call room. But even worse than that was the lack of her human heating pillow. Over the last month, she grew so accustomed, addicted really, to sleeping with him, that every night apart left her with a small sense of emptiness. Mind you, she had trouble with nodding off at all.

With a wide yawn, she pushed herself to a sitting position, scratching her back. She eyed her bed with hostility; if it wasn't for a VIP case she felt compelled to supervise, she wouldn't have stayed all night. She didn't feel like going back to sleep, but she wasn't all that eager to get up and go out… there, either… She then glowered at the door, completely innocent in this case. She knew already, she knew for the past week, that this day was going to suck, royally. The reason for that was simple, her birthday.

It wasn't that she suffered from a bad case of b-day phobia. She had no problem celebrating other people's birthdays, she didn't have many occasions for that, pray. It was her own birthday she couldn't stand. Her mother never attached any special importance to that, by definition, special day. If she did remember about it, it was always extra money as a gift, something which Meredith had always in abundance. One year, however, Ellis promised little Meri a trip to the movies and a dinner out. Unfortunately, like many other promises in her life, the plans didn't come to fruition, not on her birthday, not on any other day. Dr. Grey was held up at the hospital while Meredith spent the evening alone without even a crumble of cake. Since that particular day, Meredith never held any great expectations. It was easier to overlook her birthday , less disappointing when no one cared about it.

But that was not the only reason Meredith could do without celebrating her birthday. There was an even darker one. By some ironic twist of fate, Meredith Jane Grey was born on February the 14th, the lamest, corniest, most commercialized holiday in the world. All the Valentine's traditions, decorations, cupids and pink hearts, effectively prevented her from forgetting about her own solitude and misery. And now she just knocked on thirty, what was there to celebrate anyway?

Apparently, Derek was strongly convinced there was. He refused straight on to ignore her birthday as she begged him to, and promised it was going to be both the best birthday and Valentine's Day of her life. Such a pity, she detested either occasion. Though, if her boyfriend was hell-bent on something, he would always find a way to make it happen. Knowing him, he prepared something grand… She gulped heavily, she hoped she wouldn't drown in the sea of pink when she left the on-call room.

With a sigh of resignation, she put her scrubs and the lab coat on, brushed her hair and peeked outside tentatively. So far, so good. Everything seemed normal. She straightened out her clothing and marched to her office.

"Morning, Chief," a nurse smiled up at her in passing. "Happy Birthday!"

Meredith nodded in acknowledgment though her teeth were deadly clenched. Of course, everyone knew; nothing could stay quiet in this place.

"Happy Birthday, Dr. Grey," wished a doctor on her way.

Derek, Addison or Mark… who was she supposed to strangle? Speak of the devil… His name barely entered her mind when she spotted him striding confidently towards her, like some prince charming. Her breath hitched a little as her eyes swept over his perfect chiseled features, baby blue eyes, perfect wavy hair and perfect shiny smile…

"There you are, I've been looking for you everywhere," he murmured into her ear sneaking an arm around her waist and planting a kiss on her lips. "Happy Birthday, love. And Happy Valentine's Day."

"Ugh, thanks?" she raised her eyebrows skeptically but reached up for another kiss. Kisses were okay, only Derek's kisses would get her through the day.

"Why the pout?" he chuckled as they walked along the corridor.

"You know," she sighed looking straight ahead. "I don't feel that good today, I might be falling down with something… Maybe we should-"

"Oh, no," he interrupted her categorically. "You're not getting out of this."

"Derek!" she whined. "I hate hate hate this day! Let's just go home after work and have sex, it will still be my best birthday ever!"

"Mhhmm, as tempting as that offer is," he chuckled, "I'm still saying no. I'm taking you away tonight, it's non-negotiable."

"Why am I allowing to do this to myself?" she groaned.

"Well, you love me, you owe me for my catastrophic birthday and Dr. Wyatt told you to," he rattled off amusedly.

"What if I don't have a present for you?" she changed her tactics. "You still want to take such an ungrateful woman out?"

"Doesn't matter," he shrugged easily. "I don't mind if you're going to pay with sexual favors."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes and detached herself from his embrace as she reached her office. "So where are you taking me?"

"Wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," he answered smugly.

"Why does it have to be a surprise?" she huffed letting her hands fall to her sides.

"Huh, why did you want to surprise me with the wine country?" he threw back.

"Point taken," she sighed checking her watch. "Anyway, you're done with rounds?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I've just finished."

"The separated twins are okay?" she asked.

"Yes, they're fine, they're stable."

"No post surgery complications?"

"Absolutely none."

"And the place you're taking me to…?"

"Will remain undisclosed until we arrive there," he chuckled. "Nice try, though."

She glowered at him and turned on her heel. "Go to work, Dr. Shepherd."

"So, you really don't have a present for me?" he asked her before she disappeared behind the door to her office and was answered with her evil laughter.

* * *

"What do you know?" asked quietly Meredith sneaking beside Addison.

"What about?" she eyed her with a puzzled look.

"You know what," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Derek's surprise. He must have spilled something to Mark, what is it?"

"Mer, for the hundredth time," sighed Addison tiredly and continued her walk down the corridor, "Stop bugging me. You can wait those couple of hours to see for yourself."

"I know I can wait," huffed Meredith. "It's just… Derek's onto something big and perfectly romantic and corny…"

"Like what you got him isn't corny," snickered Addison.

"Even if that's the case," Meredith started defensively, "my gift is small, like… small. And I know Derek will go grand. He's going over the top and I just… I don't want to do something stupid and disappoint him. I bring bad luck. So tell me what you know so I can prepare myself."

"You should stop blaming yourself for what happened, Derek doesn't. And I swear, Meredith, I don't know anything. Mark doesn't know anything."

"Oh, God," Meredith rubbed her throat absent-mindedly. "If he didn't tell Mark… it must be something… gigantic... enormous… colossal!"

"Just breathe, Mer, remember to breathe," the red-head patted her on the shoulder. "I can tell you where Derek is not taking you. El Gaucho, that's where we're going with Mark, I overheard him confirming the reservation."

"But… that's the best restaurant in Seattle…" frowned Meredith.

"Yeah, so?"

"Derek wouldn't take me to a second-rate place on my birthday," she shrugged. "Maybe Mark made that reservation for Derek?"

"Gee, thanks, Mer. I guess it's alright for Mark to take me to a second-rate place," she answered wryly.

"You know I didn't mean it like that- Hey, what's going on in there?" exclaimed Meredith seeing Derek, Mark, an intern and a nurse all making a hasty exit from a patient's room.

"Sedatives," Mark ordered the nurse in a grunt.

Meredith gazed into the room and repeated her question, "What is going on in there? Who are these people?" she demanded as her eyes swept over the scene composed with two women fighting over a man resting on the bed.

"That's… Taylor Roberts, 42. He has a tumor on the frontal lobe," sighed Derek reluctantly.

"And the lovely ladies?" Meredith pointed impatiently at the two women who seemed ready to throw at each other with fists.

"Well, the brunette," Mark took up amusedly, "is apparently the guy's fiancée."

"And the other one?"

"The other one," Derek began reluctantly, "is his…"

Mark interrupted him clearing his throat. "Wife."

"So that's his… and his…?" frowned Addie quizzically.

"Just got acquainted actually," Mark wiggled his eyebrows. "Doesn't really seem like they hit it off… The dude's so busted…"

"Okay, let's forget about the fact that Mr. Roberts is a first class adulterer and concentrate on treating him as a patient with a life threatening ailment. He needs peace and quiet. How could you just leave like a dog with its tail between the legs? What kind of doctors are you?" she berated them.

"Okay, they were kind of scary," frowned Mark throwing an uneasy glance at the interior of the room. "The wife actually asked if we could perform a penectomy while taking care of that tumor…"

"And you felt personally threatened?" snorted Meredith. "Are you men or mice?"

Mark and Derek exchanged uncomfortable looks.

Meredith rolled her eyes and strolled between them to enter the room.

"The nurse will just be back-" called after her Derek.

"With sedatives? Meredith looked down at them with pity before going inside. "Please."

"Mice," threw Addison innocently strolling past them.

"Hmm," Derek sighed watching with slight apprehension his girlfriend interact with two enraged women.

"What are you so twitchy about?" eyed him Mark suspiciously.

"Nothing… in particular," shrugged Derek. "Just… big plans for tonight. I want everything to be perfect."

"Where are you taking Grey?" asked Mark curiously. "Because I have-"

"I know where you're going with Addison. That's definitely not the place I'm going to be with Mer," he assured quickly.

"Just checking," grunted Mark.

Derek nodded nervously. For the last few days, he was putting the calm smug façade but in reality the nerves were eating him up inside. It wasn't just Meredith's birthday nor a special Valentine dinner and he was the only person in the know how much more special the day was supposed to be. He just had to make sure everything was running smoothly until the evening and hopefully Meredith would…

"There, was it that hard?" she asked loftily reappearing in the corridor. Mr. Roberts's room was unusually quiet even though the regards of interested parties were far from peaceful. "Make sure there's no mix-up about who has the legal rights when that man goes to surgery."

Mark nodded and with a deep breath reentered the room.

"Quite a Valentine surprise, huh?" she shook her head. "You know, it wouldn't shock me… a year ago, let's say. I'd think it was life. But now, I can't help wondering, what people actually do that? They promise to love each other forever and then just go outside the marriage promising basically the same things to someone else. It's… sacrilege."

"Yeah," he agreed looking at her reverently.

"Derek?" she studied his face carefully. "You alright?"

"Sure," he nodded checking the time. "So, we meet after my surgery and set off…" he trailed off leaving a small kiss on her forehead, "for our," another one on her nose, "date," and finally on her lips.

"What if there are complications?" remarked rationally Meredith. "What time… are our reservations?"

"Reservations?" repeated Derek, taken aback but quickly collecting himself. "Oh, right… our reservations… will hold as long as we need," he finished mysteriously offering her a dazzling smile.

She squinted at him suspiciously. "I'll have to go home to change."

"No, you won't," he shook his head slightly. "I took care of that, I brought you something to wear for tonight."

"What?" she gasped horrified. "I'm gonna kill you if you made mess in my dresser!"

"If anything, in your drawer," he chuckled. "I just got you a pair of jeans and a sweater."

"Derek!" she swatted his arm. "How am I supposed to go to a fancy restaurant in a sweater and jeans?"

"Who told you we were going to a fancy restaurant?" he laughed cocking his head.

"Aren't we?"

"We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?" his eyes twinkled at her. "But I can promise you'll love it."

"I will?" she questioned folding her arms over her chest. "You think so?"

"I know so," he stated with full certainty in his voice. "Wanna bet?"

"Yeah, I wanna bet," she fired without much thinking, his cockiness setting her up. "The loser's the other's slave for the rest of the month."

"Oh, your ass is mine," he smirked shaking her hand firmly.

* * *

"That so doesn't count!" Meredith muttered under her breath yet another time. She was not surprised with the lack of reaction on Derek's part, other than self-satisfied smirking that is. She could kill him during moments like that, literally kill him. What would be the best way to do him in? Probably ride him to death. Practical and pleasant at once, as Derek put it during that memorable elevator ride that hosted their first kiss. He would certainly not suspect any malevolent intent of hers since he was so damn pleased with himself he made her his so-called slave…

"I said it didn't count, dumbass!" she repeated glaring at Derek from her seat. "What's the point of a bet if you know the result?" she demanded as Derek's jeep wheeled into the driveway to the trailer. Of course, she loved the place he was taking her to. She adored his land and he was well aware of that little detail. To tell the truth, she should have got the picture earlier when he told her he prepared warm clothes for her to wear for the evening.

"Sweetie," he looked down at her with superiority. "The point is in winning."

"Humph," she breathed out an inarticulate sound. "You know you're not too creative, right? We spend every weekend on your land."

"I beg to differ," he retorted amusedly. "You'll learn how creative I am by the end of the night."

"Sure, sure," she nodded skeptically. "A dinner with candles? A trail of roses leading to bed? What's my present? Some costly piece of jewelry, isn't it?"

"I'd stop with presuming if I were you," he quipped. "Your instincts have already failed you once tonight. Just relax, okay," he added on a more serious note reaching for hand while stopping the car. "And trust me."

"You know I trust you," she sighed rubbing his palm delicately with her thumb. "I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass. It's… just not really my day. And that guy, you know, your patient, just rubbed me the wrong way altogether."

"Hey," he unbuckled his seatbelt to turn to her. "The fact that some people cheat or lie, or break their promises, it doesn't have anything to do with us."

"I know," she gave him a small smile. "Sometimes I think there's no love like ours anywhere on earth. That we're… chosen… or blessed or… I'm just rambling…" she let out a nervous laugh.

"We are blessed," he agreed warmly.

She looked up at him again but forgot what she wanted to say as for the first time since they arrived, her eyes rested on another vehicle parked in front of Derek's trailer. She couldn't make out much in the all engulfing obscurity but the barely distinguishable lettering led her to believe it was a company car.

"What's that?" she asked Derek curiously. "Is there a light in the trailer?" The main lights were out but feeble golden beams sneaked out, probably from the kitchen or the bedroom.

"Wait here for a second," he smiled and kissed her on the cheek before climbing out.

"But-" she went to protest.

"Wait," he admonished firmly. "Remember that part about being my slave for the rest of the month? Thank you, I appreciate you cooperation," he chuckled as she finally desisted all resistance and leaned back in her seat somewhat reluctantly.

Instead following him out, she watched as he reached the trailer but before he pulled the handle a man came out. Meredith frowned as after a brief conversation, she saw her boyfriend count a generous amount of cash from his wallet and offer it to the mysterious man. They shook hands and the man jumped into the car to drive off. When they finally become alone, he got back to the jeep and opened the door for Meredith gallantly.

"Who was that guy?"

"He… was from the Valentine patrol," replied Derek resolutely.

"Valentine what?" she scrunched her face.

"You're asking way too many questions. My lady," he grinned charmingly helping her get out. "Everything is ready and waiting for you."

"Everything?" she eyed him questioningly and jumped out paying attention not to forget her bag that hid his present. Although, she wasn't so sure anymore she wanted to give it to him. It seemed lame and insignificant compared to what Derek was doing for her. Her hand tucked safely in his, she followed him in the biting February cold but was astonished he didn't directed his steps to the trailer but… around it taking a small path made in the snow.

"Der?" her voice echoed in the inhabited surroundings. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he chuckled.

"Are we going fishing?" she asked half-heartedly, her eyes trying in vain to penetrate the darkness. A shiver ran up her spine when her ears caught a faint rustle in the bushes. She involuntarily pressed herself almost flush to Derek's back.

"No," he burst out laughing. "Do you really have such a low opinion of me and my sense of romance?"

"Okay," she bit her lip pensively. "Is this a bloody Valentine? Is there a tree stump with a machete all cleaned up and sharpened especially for me?"

"Love, you know I'm too subtle for a machete," he chuckled wholeheartedly and she had to smile. Not at his riposte but at the term of endearment. That was the newest habit he picked up and she found out she didn't mind. No one ever called her sweet names, she never called anyone sweet names. But with Derek it felt natural and right, especially when his voice wore that tender throaty timbre reserved uniquely for her.

Though as they entered a small clearing behind the trailer, hidden from view up front, her mind was completely blown over with what awaited her.

"Wow," she let out in amazement, her eyes wide as they scooped the scene. "I… wow… How… when?" she stammered as they halted, their hands still joined tightly.

"That was the Valentine patrol helped me out with," Derek answered quietly carefully observing her face, now fully visible.

"That… is beautiful," she managed to say, a smile warming up her features. She stood up immobile for a while, just soaking up Derek's surprise and the love he invested in preparing it. In the middle of the clearing blazed a strong fire that was making the snow cover around them sparkle merrily.

"I guess I was right about that tree stump," she faked a dramatic sigh tugging at his arm to come forward.

"Yeah, but it's for the opposite part of your body," he quipped as they walked so close the fiery tongues banished the cold from their skins. Derek leaned down and smoothed a blanket over the large piece of wood making a makeshift bench for them to sit.

"It's not exactly fine dining…" a trace of nervousness passed over his face as he opened the food container brought up earlier by hid helper.

"It's more than fine to me," she assured him calmingly taking a seat and stretching her legs closer to the source of warmth.

"You see, that's just one of the things that constantly astounds me about you," he told her warmly unwrapping their dinner. "And one of the things I love you for."

"What?"

"You're so complicated and yet so simple."

"It's simple when it's just the two of us together," she said softly, "preferably here. Do you need a hand?"

She tucked her hair behind her ears and crouched beside him helping him with their provisions. Her eyes lit when she spotted a container with a piece of birthday cake and her lips curled up in a warm smile while she leaned to press a small kiss on the side of his jaw.

"Couldn't resist," she grinned up at him.

"Good," he breathed reciprocating the caress. "So we have sausages to roast… and salad… and smores…"

"And champagne," she giggled appreciatively at the bottle, "with no glasses…"

"Damn, I knew I forgot something," he made to stand. "I bring a pair from the trailer-"

"Don't," she stopped him, "it's perfect as it is. Besides, don't you dare leave me here alone!"

"Okay," he laughed sitting down on their little bench and impaling their sausages on sticks. "You know there's no one in-"

"Yeah, yeah," she interrupted him. "It would have to be an escaped convict, I heard that before. But you're aware it's wilderness, right, Der? And in the wilderness live… wild things…"

"Yeah, you for example," he chuckled and didn't duck in time to avoid her violent shove.

"I guarantee you won't be laughing when you meet a bear on your way one day," she warned him. "I will be laughing at your frightened ass."

"You'll be laughing when a bear eats me?" he snorted. "That's kind of heartless."

She laughed with him snuggling against his side as they sat before the trickling fire, preparing their Valentine dinner and talking about everything and nothing. When they were finished with their messy meal, their fingers were were greasy and black. With a mischievous face, she raised his hand and before Derek had any chance to defend himself, she traced a charcoal smudge across his cheek.

"Now you're truly the man of the mountains," she stifled her laughter.

He shook his head at her playfulness but didn't even try to wipe the dirt from his face as he carefully opened the plastic container with Meredith's birthday cake and lit the single candle.

"Happy birthday, Sweetie. Time for a wish," he nodded holding the cake before her.

She smiled up at him tenderly and whispered with a certainty that dazzled him, "What else would I wish for when I have everything I need before me." She blew off the candle with a giggle and dived her spoon into sugary sweetness.

"Mhhmmm," she purred at the rich taste. "I can't believe you bought me a cake… You must try it." She lunged at his mouth with her lips coated in icing.

"Delicious," he murmured, his eyes a bit cloudy. He watched as she devoured the sweetness with apparent pleasure, feverishly weighing in his mind the possible outcomes of what he was about to do. The cake almost disappeared from Meredith's plate and it was time for presents. Although, he wasn't sure if he should offer her his gift just now. He didn't want her to feel obliged when he posed her the question. On the other hand, he didn't want her to feel guilty or selfish if she thought they should wait some more.

He cursed in his head urging himself to get his act together since Meredith put away the now clean plate and was looking at him curiously.

"Everything all right?" she asked pushing an unruly curl from his forehead.

"It is…" he breathed and reached out for a folder protected from the snow with a plastic bag. "And… it's… my… it's my gift for you…" his voice cracked a little as he handed her the folder.

"What is this?" she looked the stack of documents from one side and another.

"Open it," he encouraged her, his arm returning around her waist.

She did what he asked her to do, and the folder slipped from her hands onto her knees when the first few lines of the text told her what exactly Derek's gift consisted of.

* * *

**A/N Comments still make my day, so please keep them coming!**

**Em**


	45. Chapter 45: Dream A Little Dream Of Me

**A/N Part two of the Valentine date. Even more cheesy tha****n the first ;) Enjoy!**

* * *

"Derek," Meredith whispered his name breathlessly as her fingers gripped the paper. "You… it's…" Her head shot up towards him.

His smile continued to be calm and gentle, his arms remained firmly wrapped around her.

"It's your dreamland," he said softly. "It's high time it's rightfully yours."

Her breath hitched when she moved her regard to the documents and back up at him.

"I… I can't, Der," she shook her head.

"Of course you can," he assured her peacefully. "You need to, you have to. It's where you belong, with me."

"But it's… so much," the hand she brought to her mouth shook emotionally. "It's your land, Derek. It's your property."

"Whatever's mine is yours," he murmured nuzzling his nose into her temple in anticipation. He hoped this statement would be soon confirmed by legally valid vows.

"Love," she tried to argue rationally. "You paid a lot of money for that piece of land, I can't just accept it for free. It's not a shiny necklace."

"I know it's not," he laughed easily. "It's our future home."

"Derek, I do want this," she pointed around with her hand. "I want to share this with you… if you let me pay-"

"No," he shook his head firmly. "Let me offer this one gift to you, let me give this to you as a…" he trailed off trying not to presume too much.

"As a what?" she asked curiously.

He chuckled with a slight shake of his head. "Please, Meredith. Accept this. You love this place, you claimed the ownership already with your heart."

She sighed yielding to his pleas. "It just doesn't seem fair…"

"We will split the costs when building the house," he proposed gently. "Speaking of which, that Valentine patrol guy? He was from the architect's office doing documentation to draw up the house plans; he agreed to do me this favor and prepare the surprise."

She looked up at him unsurely, her lip between her teeth. Her breath hitched, it was that moment, one of the moments that changed the course of your life. Finally, she smiled bravely and traced her name on the deed claiming her co ownership of Derek's land, their land. Her heart filled with inexplicable warmth and she thrown herself at him with a loud giggle, raining his face with kisses. He laughed heartily at her enthusiasm, deeply hoping it would last until he popped another question.

"God, you're so…" she trailed off shaking her head in wonder, lost for words as she climbed onto his lap.

"So what?" chuckled Derek.

"I'm a little afraid to feed your ego but I guess the occasion calls for it," she laughed, her arms tightly around his neck. "You're amazing, I don't know what I ever did to deserve you." Before he had any chance to reply she claimed his lips in a tempting kiss but when she backed away her forehead was creased in tiny frown. "Now, I'm not sure if I should even bother to show you my Valentine gift," she admitted apologetically.

"Why not?"

"Because it's… it's really small… and… well, small…" she said almost shyly. "And… I kind of made it myself…"

"You made it yourself?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah…" she squeaked trying to avoid his curious gaze as it was making her blush. "I know it's more than cheesy… but I thought it was sweet… And it was just supposed to be a Valentine gift… and you gave me your land…"

He grinned at her. "Come on, give it to me."

"That sounds dirty," she wiggled her eyebrows bringing her lips to his pulse point.

"You're not going to get away from this," he said firmly fighting to remain focused. "I want my present."

"But it's insignificant…" she attempted to explain.

"It's not insignificant if you made with me in your mind," he argued. "Pretty please?" he smiled cocking his head to the side.

She felt herself melting at his puppy-eyed look making her unable to deny him anything.

"Okay," she sighed albeit reluctantly and reached out for her handbag. "It's… really silly but… there's going to be a fireplace in our house. We're going to light up in the cold days and make love in front of the fire," she whispered tenderly caressing his cheek. "Above the crackling fire, there's going to be a mantelpiece, a place for our pictures… and this…" she took out a small wrapped package from her bag. "That's something to put the very first picture into, any picture you like."

He unwrapped the paper discovering a simple wooden frame decorated by hand, by Meredith's hand clearly, as it was careful and meticulous, with bits of cones and emerald needles glued imaginatively all over.

"Cheesy, I told you," she shrugged at his smile.

"It's beautiful, thank you," he planted a kiss on her nose. "Even more so that you found time in your busy schedule to do it for me. And… I think I know what picture I'd like to place first in our new home…" he cleared his throat his hand diving insecurely to the inner pocket of his coat.

"Which one?" asked Meredith.

"It… it hasn't been taken yet…" he swallowed not without difficulty. "But I… I hope it will be…"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well," he stuttered going slightly red on the face. "So… uhm… I'd like to ask you something…" he cringed inwardly, way to go starting his proposal. "Just remember you're my slave for the month," he gave a small halfhearted chuckle. "Do you… Would you-"

"Okay," nodded Meredith fully straddling him. "Yes."

"Yes?" he breathed out with confusion. Did she know about his plans?

"Yes, sure, why not?" she grinned coyly fidgeting above him. "It's pretty warm from the fire so-"

"What are you talking about?" he frowned.

"What are _you _talking about?" She gazed at him biting his lip. "I thought… you know… a quickie in front of the fire? No?"

Derek gasped with laughter and didn't even stop when Meredith swatted his shoulder with an annoyed huff.

"I might be up for that offer later," he assured her amusedly and firmly locked his free arm around her, preventing her from sliding out of his grasp. "But that's not what I wanted to ask."

"Mhm," she huffed her arms folded against her chest creating a barrier between their bodies.

"Meredith?" he willed her to meet his regard. "Meredith? I love you."

"Mhm." She remained indifferent busying herself with brushing a speck of snow off her sleeve.

"Tell me you love me," he pleaded trying to keep his courage from waning. "I really need to hear it right now."

She frowned at him and said, "I love you. You know I do."

"Good," his breath hitched dangerously. "Meredith, would you do me this honor and agree to marry me?" he finally drew the small box from his pocket and opened it revealing the ring he had bought for her months before. He raised his eyes at her, fearful and hopeful at the same time, his heart beating out of his chest.

Meanwhile, Meredith's jaw opened loosely making her stare wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the beautiful elegant piece of jewelry before her. That was certainly not what she expected to be offered that night and the circumstances seemed to overwhelm her for a moment.

Seconds drew on as he waited for her reply in tension, any reply, though preferably her acceptance.

He finally forced himself to utter, "But if you prefer to-"

"No!" she yelped breathing deeply, frantically shaking her head.

"No," he repeated quietly. "I understand, I-"

"No! I mean yes!" She became completely tongue-tied.

"So, is it a no or yes?"

"I… I cannot fathom one reason why you love me," she said breathlessly, her voice quivering imperceptibly. "Or why you want to marry me but you apparently do... and I want to as well… marry you, that is… I don't want to spend another day without you anymore… so, it's a yes…"

"It's a yes…" he managed to breathe out with a strangled voice, blissful warmth spreading through his limbs, cell after cell. "Yes!"

"Derek?" she giggled. "The ring?"

"Oh, yes," he laughed at himself and slowly, as his hands were trembling, slipped the ring onto her waiting finger. Meredith beamed admiring the way the single stone reflected the firelight. It felt as though that fire was burning inside of her now too. She truly belonged to Derek and the ring was the obvious proof. Time back, she would have laughed at the prospect of simply belonging to somebody but now she cherished the emotions it brought in her, tenderness, excitement, safety, peace… She didn't need to run anymore, to go out of her way to prove her worth to anyone. She was loved, as simple and as complicated as that.

"I'm going to be a wife…" she said with wonderment in her voice.

"Not a wife," he chuckled. "My wife…" he underlined proudly.

"Your wife," she whispered, bringing his forehead against his. "I promise you I'm going to do everything I can to make you happy, so you don't regret-"

"I won't regret it," he assured her and his lips searched out for hers. Their mouths glided against each other inducing the usual spark of electricity down their spines until Derek's tongue coaxed her lips to part inviting him inside. They lost themselves in the all-consuming kiss when…

_S__tars shining bright above you  
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"_

"What is that?" frowned Derek looking around disorientated.

"That's…" Meredith tried to catch her breath, recognizing the tune. "Uhm, I think that's my cell…"

"I've never heard that ringtone."

"Well, that's because it's my mother," she explained with a grimace. "I don't think she ever called me since I moved to Seattle." She scowled at her handbag as though it was the culprit. The phone kept ringing breaking the silence of the forest but she made no move to pick up.

"And you… set that song…?" he uttered uncomfortably, not willing to suggest anything unpleasant about her mother and... his future mother-in-law...

"It usually doesn't bode well when she calls me so the song is just positive priming," she explained with a wry smile.

"You're not going to answer?"

"Nope," she shrugged lightly, making herself comfortable on his lap. "I'm not going to talk to my mother right now. We have much more important things to do," she smiled coyly.

"It might be something important…" he put forward just for the sake of propriety.

"Nothing is more important than you," she shook her head. "Besides, I'm sure it's nothing. She called me before Christmas trying to lure me back to Boston. Not a chance."

"She still wants you back on the East Coast?" sighed Derek recollecting Ellis's tirade he had to painfully endure during her visit.

"I don't care what she wants. She's deluded, she always was…" she smiled as the phone finally stopped its song. "And now she gave it a rest…" she trailed off nibbling on his lower lip. "Now, let's move on with that quickie, shall we, my future husband?"

He gave a moan when her lips descended onto his neck, effectively pushing all thought of Ellis Grey out of his mind.

* * *

Meredith couldn't help letting her lips stretching in a lazy content smile as she woke up just seconds ago in the small bedroom of the trailer, on Derek. That was the way she wanted to wake up for the rest of her life. Careful not to stir him up from his slumber, she nuzzled her face into his naked chest, her nose tickled by his soft short hair.

It was going to dawn soon though it couldn't be long after they fell asleep. Their kiss progressed to a quickie outside, something they scrupulously developed into another joyously tiring night of lovemaking. She inhaled his scent closing her eyes to bask in their happiness a little longer. It seemed so unbelievable and taken out of someone else's life; she was going to get married, have a real home she never knew… All thanks to the wonderful man that was sleeping beside her. Her mind replayed the song that was in their hearts all evening.

"Stars fading but I linger on dear, still craving your kiss… I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear…" she hummed softly before covering her mouth with her hand so as not to burst laughing out loud at her own cheesiness. Then her fingertips stopped tracing circles on Derek's skin… as her thoughts drifted involuntarily towards her mother. Her heartbeat picked up its pace and her forehead creased in sudden anguish, not because of concern for the reason of Ellis's call though.

She became rigid in Derek's arms as she realized… they were getting married. And getting married logically led to having children… They usually avoided the subject, or it was Meredith who purposefully avoided the subject, something she could no longer do. She had to face the difficult topic at last. Truth to be told, she just always expected to never have children. She never imagined to even want them. First, before Derek she never saw herself in a lasting relationship. Second, she regarded having children as an obstacle for her career. She was well aware, Ellis made sure of that, that she was a burden for her mother. Why would she bring a child to this world and made them suffer like she had?

However, the unexpected happened. She was embarking on a future with the man that she loved more than anything else on this earth. Derek grew up in large family with traditions; he surely wanted a family like that of his own. Her life plans needed to be revisited.

She tried to relax waiting for her lover to wake up. Once she noticed the change in his breathing, she asked with a small voice, not looking up at him.

"Derek? Is our… ? Our house… is it… going to have… a lot of rooms?"

"We can make it any way you want," he murmured in response.

"No, what I mean is…" she bit her lip nervously, "the rooms for… ." she mumbled the rest of her sentence.

"I'm sorry?"

"For… kids…" she whispered weakly.

"You mean our kids?" clarified Derek with a tone that obviously indicated the excitement that was proper to a little boy promised to get a desired toy.

"Er… yeah, you want to have kids, right?"

Derek scooped over changing their positions so they were facing each other.

"Do you?"

"I asked you first," she bit back.

"Mer, I don't want to scare you," he said sincerely, "but, yes, I'd like to have a child with you."

"Okay," she released the breath she didn't know she was holding.

"I don't want to pressure you into anything though," he took up. "It's about what we both want."

"You're not…" she lay her head on the pillow. "I… I think I might want… to have a child… some day… I just… Let's get married first and… when we're ready we might… I could… let's just start from there, okay?" she stuttered.

"Okay," he gave her a small smile leaning in for a kiss, tying his fingers with hers. "I love you," he stated reassuringly moving towards her under the comforter, making it slip to their waists. His body covered hers from head to toes, invading her lips insistently. His tongue plundered the cavern of her mouth, his thorough tenderness making her melt underneath him.

She sighed happily as his hot mouth released hers and moved to tease the sensitive column of her neck. His constant presence beside her, his words and caresses were reassuring, putting her at ease, persuading her she had more to give than she had thought. They would be joined as husband and wife and when the time came she would be ready to give him a child he wanted.

Derek continued to lavish the loving attention to various parts of her body until they were all tingling and humming, pleading to be taken over the edge. Her request was granted as she felt herself filled tightly by him out of a sudden, completed by him. She opened herself for him as much as she could, inviting him deeper. Her arms surrounded him securely preventing their bodies to part for an inch and she moaned feeling him move inside her delicately but relentlessly.

Their rhythm was slow, almost peaceful; the mutual pleasure building inside them at a leisurely pace. But soon, the air was thick with their wanton moans and subdued outcries. The fire coursing in their blood was all-consuming. Their sexes met finally in an intense thrust. Breaths stopped in their chests, pupils dilated uncontrollably and their throats released wild growls as their bodies shook under the impact of the orgasmic wave. They relished the latest, but certainly not the last, bliss of their joining.

* * *

**A/N No, Meredith is not going to become suddenly tame :)**** but it's clearly a side of her. The next chapter features the return of Dr. Wyatt.**

**Thank you for still being here, this story has been a long journey**** for me.**

**Em**


	46. Chapter 46: Ode To My Family

The steely door of the elevator had barely the chance to hide them from view, when Meredith's impatient lips landed on Derek's and her body pushed him against the back wall. The word insatiable just acquired a new meaning. They spent an almost sleepless night of steamy lovemaking followed with another round in the shower. Their hunger for each other still remained unsatisfied as they glued in the confines of the elevator, intent on prolonging the magic of the previous evening.

The door opened sooner than they anticipated and they didn't even have the time to spring back from their embrace when they were joined by Mark and Addie. Seeing as the newcomers turned out to be their friends, Meredith wasted no time in attacking Derek's lips all over again with doubled zeal.

"Nice to see you too," smirked Mark.

"Ugh, you think you can tone it down a bit?" sighed Addison.

"Nope, we're practicing," Meredith managed to utter, ripping her lips from Derek's for a second.

"For what?" Mark rolled his eyes trying to ignore the sloppy sounds behind him. "Breaking the world's record for the longest air deprivation?"

"No," giggled Meredith. "For the honeymoon."

"For the… For the what???" shrieked Addie turning on her heel and dragging her sister's hand that was woven in Derek's hair making him yelp in pain. "You're engaged? How? When?"

Meredith broke the kiss at last laughing widely. "Yesterday. Derek asked me and I couldn't say no, could I?"

"Oh, Mer," whispered Addie and hugged her tightly. "Congratulations. If there's one person that deserves to be happy, it's you. And the ring it's truly beautiful, Derek," she complimented moving to hug him.

"Have you thought about any dates?" she asked when Mark felicitated the fiancés.

"Probably the summer," nodded Meredith with a grin.

"There's not really much time," remarked Addison. "We need to start planning right away."

"Okay, I guess I'm the one who has to be the spoilsport," Mark cleared his throat seeing Derek's delighted face and girls' enraptured looks, "but you seem to forgetting about one minor detail… or a major detail, to be exact."

"If you're about to pronounce one of your stupid comments then maybe you should-" started Addie with a berating tone.

"If there's anybody that should do something, it's not me," he replied defensively. "If anything, it's Derek. And I'm talking about contacting the family he completely forgot about. Remember those five Shepherd women all the way back in New York? Yeah, your mother and sisters that probably want to rip you apart limb after limb. Don't even dream to get hitched without Ma's knowledge."

"I don't intent to…" muttered Derek with a sinking feeling. "Oh shit." Mark was absolutely right of course. He couldn't remember the last time he called his family in New York; he was constantly too absorbed with something else… Meredith, work, Meredith…

"Telling the parents…" sighed Addison glancing at Meredith knowingly, who, if it was even possible, felt much worse than Derek at the prospect of announcing the happy news to her mother.

* * *

"So, how was yesterday?" asked Dr. Wyatt encouragingly. "You survived, I see."

Therapy sessions were still much in Meredith's schedule but seeing her progress, Dr. Wyatt proposed to limit their meetings to one per week. Right now, a cool conversation with the older doctor was just in place.

"Yesterday… was wonderful," sighed Meredith twirling her ring around her finger.

"Was it?" Dr. Wyatt insisted shrewdly. "You don't look enthusiastic. Is everything all right with you and Derek?"

"It is. Seriously," nodded Meredith. "Yesterday's night was truly the best night of my life. I'm… I'm engaged!" she gave a small smile.

"Did Derek propose?"

"He did. He prepared this crazy romantic dinner outside and he was so cute and insecure," she giggled lightly. "And I was so happy to say yes."

"Has something changed since yesterday?" Dr. Wyatt tried to establish the reason for her patient's inquietude.

"I was brutally reminded that life existed," muttered Meredith.

"What do you mean by life?"

"Loosely, parents. We're getting married. So apparently, we need to tell Derek's mother."

"Seems a natural step," agreed the older doctor. "Are you worried about meeting Derek's family?"

"Of course I am," she huffed. "Let's be frank, they're gonna hate me. But, it's nothing compared to all hell breaking loose when my mother gets to know. It's not in my power to keep this information from getting to her forever."

"Gets to know…?" repeated Dr. Wyatt. "Don't you intend to inform your mother you're about to get married?"

" ' Course not!" huffed Meredith with the tone that implied her interlocutor might be a bit mad. "Why would I do that?"

"The question's really why wouldn't you?" insisted Dr. Wyatt.

"Do you have any idea what she did when she came here for a consult? She only assumed Derek was interested in me and she poured all her spite and hatred at him. I won't allow her to hurt him again."

"She doesn't know how much Derek means to you-"

"Oh, no," Meredith shook her head. "Don't even try to persuade me to talk to her, to explain to her," she snorted with disgust. "You don't know her. I don't want that woman nowhere near Derek, and certainly not on our wedding."

"You don't want your own mother, the woman who raised you and who was your only family for years, on such an important day?"

"You think you're going to guilt talk me? She did not raise me!" denied Meredith forcefully. "I raised myself."

"What are you afraid of, Meredith?" Dr. Wyatt changed her tactics. "Do you think she'll come and drive Derek away?"

"No," Meredith almost laughed at her words. "I am certain of his feelings. There is no such thing that Ellis could tell him that would make him leave me," she stated confidently.

"Okay, are you afraid then that she can change _your_ mind?" Dr. Wyatt was relentless. "That she'll say something that is going to make you doubt your own feelings?"

"No," said Meredith once again. "I love him, life without him would be empty and meaningless. I came a long way to be this sure and there is nothing that could stand in my way." Dangerous sparks appeared in her eyes.

"You are absolutely sure of you and of Derek," acknowledged Dr. Wyatt. "Yet you still don't wish to see your mother present at your wedding?"

"Not at all. Besides, I don't think Dr. Ellis Grey would even enjoy coming to a wedding," Meredith shrugged her shoulders ironically.

"Why? Why… do you have so much contempt for your mother?"

"Contempt? It's not contempt-"

"Is it because of her failed marriage?" A short silence told her she hit the jackpot.

"You know, you're right. It is contempt," admitted Meredith, her voice quivering slightly. "I'll tell you why. It's not just that she and my father broke up, that they got divorced. It's that she disrespected… she tainted the vows she made to him. She betrayed him and she betrayed the vows. And I feel… when you promise to love and care for somebody, it's sacred. It doesn't matter whether you do it in church or the town hall, the vows are sacred. And she knows no sacred, that's why I don't want to promise my love for Derek in her presence."

Dr. Wyatt nodded slowly and asked, "Have ever thought that maybe she didn't love your father in the big intense way you love Derek?"

"Clearly!"said Meredith scornfully. "She wouldn't have screwed Richard Webber if she had. But it doesn't change anything, that didn't give her the right to betray my dad. So, I don't want to see her, I don't want to talk to her… I don't want to resemble my mother any more than I do."

"Why did you say that?"

"Yesterday… we talked about having children for the first time…"

"That's good," nodded Dr. Wyatt. "Who initiated the topic?"

"I did. It felt like the time… you know?"

"How do you feel about motherhood?" took up Dr Wyatt. "Do you see yourself in the role of a mother? And the most basic question, do you want to become one?"

"I… I think so, but I'm…" she trailed off.

"Afraid?" Dr. Wyatt finished for her gently, knowing how hard it would be for Meredith to admit it.

"My mother," she took a deep breath, "she was crap at being a mom. And I always suspected I would be too if I had a child. I can't stand the thought that my and Derek's child would go through what I had. It's torture."

"I think you need to fully realize and acknowledge the fact that you're not your mother, that you're obviously different from her despite certain similarities you share. It's not your mother's traits that define you, it's your actions and decisions."

"I keep telling myself that. I don't accept failure but in this respect… it's more than that. I can't fail."

"You're more capable that you give yourself credit for," said Dr. Wyatt. "But I do think a conversation with your mother might help to overcome your issues."

"No," she stopped her decidedly. "I won't let her destroy my life again."

"Okay," nodded slowly Dr. Wyatt. "We'll get back to that later. Let's concentrate on more pressing issues, meeting Derek's family."

Meredith let her head plop back on the coach; the getting married thing was more difficult than she naively imagined.

"And Meredith," Dr. Wyatt with a warm smile. "Congratulations. I'm proud to see how much you achieved since you came here for the first time."

* * *

When Meredith was making her way to her office half an hour later, she felt as though her head had spun in the washing machine. Talking about babies, her mother, Derek's mother and then even Thatcher and Susan completely wore her out. According to Dr Wyatt, and Meredith was completely in agreement, she needed to talk to Derek and be for him when he reconnected with his family. Also according to Dr. Wyatt, when the time came to meet them in person, she should be herself, no attempt at pretending to be someone else. Of that, Meredith wasn't convinced.

It was a short way to stir a family feud. What sane woman would like to have her as a daughter-in-law? She was apodictic, impulsive and harsh. And if the word leaked to Mrs. Shepherd that she had hurt Derek, the hospital gossipers would certainly make sure of that, she would be the enemy number one. But, true, if she was herself, confident and unrestrained as ever, she would survive.

"Chief? Dr. O'Malley asked me to get your signature on these papers. He's in surgery."

Nurse Debbie popped in front of her in a way that would put the best of secret agents to shame.

"Thank you, Nurse Debbie," nodded Meredith reached her hand for the documents.

"Oooh!" gasped the nurse and her eyes widened to the size of saucers as they fixed on Meredith's finger, _that_ finger. Feeling slightly subconscious, Meredith grabbed the papers and pulled them but Debbie's grip didn't loosen. She tugged harder and harder until it almost ripped apart, wrenching them from her grasp.

Debbie's regard scrupulously followed Meredith's finger as she pulled out her pen and passed her signature.

"That's a beautiful ring," remarked Debbie when she shook out of her trance.

"Is there anything else?" Meredith asked firmly.

"That's all, thank you," smiled sweetly Debbie. "So, he's got a great taste… the person that gave you the ring, I mean."

Before she could stop herself, Meredith gritted out, "Yes, he has."

A wide satisfied smile stretched over Debbie's lips as she scurried away while Meredith felt like kicking herself. One: zero the biggest gossip in the hospital.

* * *

Just as Meredith expected, the news of their upcoming nuptials spread through Seattle Grace like wildfire. She didn't complain though. It was actually pretty nice to receive sincere congratulations and compliments on how she and Derek were a match. It certainly gave them a boost before what they were about to do.

"You're okay?" she asked Derek as he kept turning his phone over and over in his hands. She reached out and take one in hers.

"I guess," he sighed looking up at her. "I'm just nervous; I've been a kinda terrible son and brother lately."

"Hey, no one's a more terrible child than me," giggled Meredith, "and I'm not even trying to change that."

"You can always give Dr. Wyatt's advice a second thought," he reasoned. "She's usually right, you know."

"Have you met my mother?" she snorted. "You'd like to invite her back to call you incapable and too old again?"

"Thanks for that," he nodded, deadpanned. "And despite whatever you think, I can take your mother."

"Honey," she shook her head with pity mingled with amusement as she stroked the sensitive skin under his chin. "My mother eats little boys like you for breakfast."

He squinted at her, his male pride clearly bruised. "I am not little," he hissed.

"Mhm, we'll continue this conversation later," she purred. "After you've made the call. Come on; the faster you call, the faster we can talk about your size."

"Nothing to talk about," he grumbled without thinking.

"If you say so," she replied trying to keep her face straight.

"I didn't say-"

"Yes, you did," she grinned and crawled over the carpet to lean against him. "Derek, I don't want to be an obstacle between you and your family. Please, talk to your mom. I'm right with you… if you don't make me talk to her yet…" she bit her lip.

"Yeah, it's better to call them now and minimize the risk of you becoming a widow…" he joked choosing the number.

"Carolyn Shepherd."

"Hey, Mom," said Derek, trying to sound optimistic. "How are you?"

He was answered with lingering silence and a crack of the receiver that was slammed down.

"Wow," whispered Meredith, looking at Derek with concern. "She really is angry, isn't she…"

"Yeah," he answered weakly.

"Call her again," she prompted him encouragingly though she wanted nothing else than to hide under the bed upstairs.

Derek chose the number again but this time they were met with the answering machine.

"_You reached the number of Carolyn Shepherd. I'm not home but please, leave a message. __Good day to you."_

The hope in Meredith's heart was revived. Derek's mother had a warm kind voice. She was probably a nice old lady. What a shock she was going to experience…

"Mom, I know you're there," took up Derek with a pleading repentant voice. "Can you please pick up? I know I've been an ungrateful son and I'm truly sorry."

They waited for a sign of life but in vain.

"Go on," Meredith nudged him quietly. "I'm sure she's listening."

"I'd really like to talk to you, Mom. It's been too long and I know, it's only my fault. My life has been… pretty intense lately… Not that it's an excuse to have neglected you and the girls. Please, pick up… I have something important to tell you…"

He took a deep breath and went on. "It's important for me. You really don't want to be told like that… Well, okay, don't pick up. But it won't be my fault this time because I warned you… So, what I want to tell you… is that I'm getting married-"

He barely have the time to make the announcement when they heard a click and Carolyn's voice, not at all warm now, sounded out loud.

"You're what?" she shrieked. "I don't know where I went wrong with you, you were such a good child…"

"Mom-" he began but Carolyn hung up again.

"That's…" Meredith cleared her throat, "progress…?"

Before he could respond, his cell rang unexpectedly.

"Mom, thank God-"

"What the hell are you thinking, Derek?" a younger and more harsh voice filled the room from the speakerphone. "Are you even thinking at all, you big idiot?"

"Nancy," Derek let out a sour apologetic laugh. "How nice to hear you."

"I'm afraid the pleasure is not mutual," cut back Nancy.

_Well, well,_ thought Meredith. Derek had a bitchy sister. Maybe she could be her ally?

"You think you can ignore us for months and then call saying you're getting married?" she yelled. "Have you lost your mind? Have you hooked up with some prostitute and knocked her up?" _Maybe not._ Meredith clenched her jaws in rage and dived for the phone with a hiss. Derek managed to turn out the speaker and had to wrestle with his fiancé to prevent her from getting hold of the phone.

"How can you say something like that, Nancy?" asked Derek running away from Meredith around the couch. "I've been an ass but I'm still your brother. You know me."

"Do I, Derek? You completely disappeared on us. We haven't really talked in months! Say you were joking with that marriage! You said that to get Ma's attention, didn't you?"

"No… no, I didn't," he breathed out all the time keeping Meredith at a safe distance with his arm outstretched. "I'm… I'm in love. I love her… and I'm marrying her."

"This… this is insane, Derbear," reasoned Nancy. "This is completely… Hell, I don't know what it is! I need to wrap my mind around it. I think I'm starting a headache! Call tomorrow, okay? I might get some medical advice from Kath by then… Although, you probably need it more than me," she said sarcastically. "Please, just don't wait another half a year."

"Okay," agreed Derek. It went better than he had anticipated anyway. "I'll call tomorrow. And I love you. Please, tell it Ma and the rest of the girls."

"You have a psychopath for a sister?" rounded on him Meredith, though she was visibly calmer after hearing Derek's declaration of love.

"She's just intense," explained Derek apologetically. "A bit like you…"

"A bit like me?" she shrieked. Wrong move, cringed Derek backing to the middle of the room. "Like _me_? Do I call random people prostitutes?"

"No, but incompetent idiots… arrogant assholes…" he smirked at her lightly.

"You!" she yelped lunging at him making them both topple over the couch and to the floor.

"What me?" he laughed trapping her underneath him.

"You…" she whimpered biting her tongue so as not to throw any offensive epithets.

"Come on," he cooed nuzzling his nose just beneath her ear. "You know you want to… scream…"

"I do not!" her irritated huff turned out very high-pitched as Derek's hand disappeared under her blouse quickly reaching the target.

"But you do," he insisted gently biting on her earlobe.

"I do noooott," her words transformed into a moan as Derek's fingers started to work skillfully on her nipple pushing the cup of her bra aside. She arched her back upwards involuntarily, her body betraying her absolute addiction to his touch. She gave up and her hands shot to the fly of his jeans covering his developing erection. He ground into her touch but his hips stopped in the air when his cell phone rang again.

"You… you'd better take it," said Meredith reluctantly. "Might be your Mom."

Derek glanced at the screen and sighed in defeat, pushing the green button. "Hi, Kath…"

* * *

A/N Hi, so sorry for not updating, I was just busy with 3D life.

I intended to have this fic all wrapped up before Grey's resumes but it turned out I had less time to write than I had thought. Anyway, I think six more chapters will let me tell Meredith and Derek's story to the end the way I want to and I hope you're going to enjoy it.

Keep warm,

Em


	47. Chapter 47: Bad Reputation

**A/N I've been gone for a long time, sorry for that. I hope the chapter makes up for my absence. Warning- very very naughty ****stuff at the end :)**

* * *

"No, that just won't do," Meredith shook her head with a grimace as she threw a wedding gown catalogue on the little table.

"Don't exaggerate," replied Addison, engrossed in her own copy. "These are some wonderful gowns. They're beautiful."

Meredith squinted at her harshly. "You better not try to persuade me to wear one that stands all on its own. Remember I have the power to make you look like a giant purple mushroom?"

"Okay," nodded quickly the redhead, abruptly closing the folder. "They're ugly, hideous really!"

"Thought you'd share my views."

"Have you found anything eye-catching yet, Meredith?" asked a young slightly plump woman that joined them in the back room lined with tall mirrors.

"Not really," she sighed. "They… are not at all like me."

"Don't worry," reassured her Lucy, the dressmaker. "I just showed it to you to get to know more about you. We'll find a perfect dress for you. Can you stand up here, please? I need to measure you up."

Meredith moved to the middle of the room facing herself in one of the mirrors.

"Lift your arms," asked Lucy, "and tell me something about you."

Meredith took a deep breath. Say something about her? It was difficult to gather her thoughts in all the excitement and anxiety. The butterflies in her stomach made her restless.

"Oh, she's a bitch," piped Addison ignoring her best friend's stormy looks. "But she's warm and fuzzy inside. And she's completely besotted with Derek, her fiancé."

"So what if I'm a bitch? A bitch has a right to get married too," hissed Meredith defensibly but didn't deny a word of Addie's.

"You've got a perfect figure," praised Lucy rolling her measuring tape. "That certainly won't be a problem."

"And designing the dress will be?" frowned Meredith.

"I don't think so," laughed the dressmaker, grabbing a crayon and a block of paper from the desk by the wall. "In fact, I've got an idea. Can you sit down for a couple of minutes? I need to transform it onto paper."

"You're energetic," she murmured tracing the crayon on the blank page, "passionate, determined. A bit harsh, tough, unyielding. But at the same time… delicate and exquisite. Like a diamond."

Meredith and Addison exchanged puzzled glances but kept silent letting Lucy work on her project. Some fifteen minutes later the woman said enthusiastically, backing her head to examine the drawing from a distance, "There! I think I've got it. It's bit rough now. I'll figure out more details later on. If you approve of it, that is."

She moved to show them the black and white project. "So, a strapless bodice with a bold deep cleavage. Matches your character well, I think. However, it's going to have… a magical, mysterious side… I'm thinking about a scintillating lace… delicately embroidered with stones, maybe jets and crystals… Because you do have a powerful romantic side," she continued. "Whereas, the dress will be simpler, wider, lighter in colour… since you're firm and uncompromising. If you have any reservations I can work it up until the end of the week, so you can see the finished project in colour…"

"I think it's… it's great," breathed out Meredith. "That's it!"

"Yeah?" Lucy smiled satisfactorily. "It's elegant yet seductive, will make your fiancé want to rip it off you," she joked.

"I don't think that was ever a problem," remarked Addie innocently.

"Whatever, I like the dress," shrugged Meredith watching every line of the project.

"Great, I'll get down to preparing the final version. We can look through materials now," Lucy dived to her dresser.

"It's going to be beautiful," sighed Meredith.

"It is," agreed Addie with a soft smile.

* * *

"Ugh, I can't believe you made me wear that!" grumbled Addison as they walked out of the studio an hour later.

"Well, I wanted to see how it really looks off the hanger," shrugged Meredith with a wicked grin, a particularly ugly puffy bridesmaid dress still before her eyes.

"Now you know, awful," replied Addie sarcastically. "And it's not fair to abuse your power of the bride."

"Come on, you know I'd never made you wear that horrid piece of fabric for the actual wedding," laughed Meredith. "I do have good taste after all."

"We need to make some decisions regarding other things," reminded reasonably Addison. "The location…"

"We're still hesitating. I would love to get married on Der- on our land, and he quite agrees. But I'm not sure, his family is very traditional. I'm sure they will hate all the decisions I'm making."

"Thank God they see the effects only a couple of days beforehand," giggled Addie.

After hours on end spent on the phone, Derek managed to appease the Shepherd women and was welcomed back into the family. The undying enthusiasm and affection in his voice seemed to convince them he was in fact very much in love and dead serious in his intents on changing his marital status. The Shepherds seemed to acknowledge that fact. However, Meredith wasn't sure about the image of her in their minds. At her request, Derek omitted mentioning his fiancée was also his boss, his bloodsucking boss who had forestalled him to the desired position. But what would come, would come. She had months to plan her strategy on handling Derek's relatives.

"Coffee?" Addison pointed at Starbucks. "I need a dose of caffeine after the lace fest."

"Next time. I'm meeting Derek," replied Meredith. "We're going shopping."

"Ah, so the torture continues. Thank God I'm freed."

"Bitch," Meredith stuck out her tongue.

"Right back at you," shrugged Addie and grinned at the sudden thought. "You know what? I'm sure Mrs. Shepherd won't approve when she knows you and her son are living in sin."

"Keep worrying about yourself. Don't forget Mark is her surrogate son."

"We might run her to the grave!"

* * *

Numerous bags in his hands, Derek trudged morosely after Meredith, sharing occasional looks of commiseration with other males in the mall, who were fulfilling the fate of pack animals. The horrors of shopping with a woman... He should have known better, it was rather naïve of him to think it would look any different than the painful moments of his childhood when he was forced to accompany his mother and sisters while they looked for perfect shoes and dresses. And Meredith was even more demanding… He fell in love with the most demanding woman on Earth. Scratch that, Ellis Grey was still alive.

Derek tried clumsily to wriggle out of the uncomfortable predicament hinting he might wait in the car. Wrong move… Meredith wasted no time in informing him that if he preferred to keep to himself the whole afternoon, he might as well keep to himself in the night. That was when he shut up, clenched his jaws, and followed her without a word of complaint. And so he walked and walked, saw rows of clothes, waited for Meredith in the fitting rooms, was asked for opinions which she ignored anyway, and breathed out with relief when Meredith declared she had found all she needed. Too soon. She now decided "they" had to look for something for him…

And now he stood morosely in front of a shelf stacked with shirts, a nagging thought in his mind that he didn't need new clothes, and wondering if Meredith thought he looked shabby or what. At least until he heard her surprised voice, "Finn!"

He craned his neck over a rack of suits, just in time to witness the smiling blond man lean in allowing Meredith to plant a quick kiss on his cheek. His body tensed and he saw red. And green. He absent mindedly squeezed a tie in his hands; how did that idiot dare come close to Meredith? He seethed with anger as he remembered the image from several months back when Meredith left the hospital with Dandridge, one of her arms holding a huge bouquet of flowers, the other - Finn.

"Would you like to try that tie on, Sir?" a shop assistant appeared at his side with a smile. "I'd suggest this shirt to-"

"No," he snapped at her rudely and moved to where Meredith and Finn were engaged in conversation.

"Meredith," he cleared his throat stepping close behind her, his eyes fixed in a steely scowl aimed at Finn.

"Derek." She glanced between two men looking closely at each other. "I… I don't think you have been properly introduced… Finn Dandridge, he's one of our most generous sponsors. Dr. Shepherd, Head of Neuro."

"And…" stressed Derek insistently as he unwillingly shook hands with the younger man.

"And my fiancé," finished Meredith quickly, giving Derek warning looks. She recognized the signs all too well. Derek's possessiveness was pushing him to mark his territory.

"Really? I thought-" started Finn, his eyebrows raised high.

"_That_ was a misunderstanding," cut him quickly Meredith.

"Oh, well, congratulations," said Finn at the news. "I hope you'll be happy," he nodded but he looked as though he seriously doubted it.

"We are already," assured Derek with a smirk.

"Oh, have you found a tie?" asked Meredith as the piece of clothing in his hand, thinking that maybe changing the topic would alleviate at least the awkwardness.

"Yes," he smirked, driven probably by sheer madness. "Pure silk, won't hurt your wrists."

Her eyes widened in silent shock and she didn't dare to raise them at Finn. She could easily guess his feelings though, as he cleared his throat and said in a wooden voice. "I… 've got to dash, Dr. Shepherd… It was nice to meet you. Meredith… Call me if you need anything."

Derek beamed with triumph as Finn fled the scene, when Meredith's hand swatted him violently on the arm.

"What the hell was that?" she hissed with a shaking voice.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You know what, idiot! The-Meredith-is-wearing-my-shiny-shiny-ring-so-I-can-piss-at-her-any-time-I-want crap!"

"I can't stand that guy; he's all over you!" Derek tried to defend himself, a tad uncomfortable with Meredith's rage.

"He's not, he clearly knows where the boundaries are!" she spat. "He knows we're friends! And he's a gentleman, he never forces himself at me! You can learn something from his manners, you big Neanderthal!"

"What?" asked Derek disbelievingly, stung that she was taking Finn's side.

"He already was of the opinion that you were psychologically disturbed," she went on. "Now, he thinks you're a pervert!"

"Why the hell you care so much for his opinion?" he shrugged.

"Because it makes me look insane to be with you," she bit back and pulled at his arm to drag him out of the store seeing as they were getting curious stares all around. "You need to learn to keep your jealousy in check, Derek."

"Are we going home?" he asked with relief as she pushed their bags into his chest forcefully.

"Oh, no," she smiled with the sweetness of poison ivy that made him gulp. "We need to get a whole new wardrobe for you."

Derek stifled the urge to groan as Meredith's eyes shot daggers and she whizzed on her heel without another word.

* * *

Many hours later, Derek sat sprawled in an armchair in their living room trying to regain the feeling in his feet. He couldn't fathom how Meredith could still walk, in her high heeled boots to top that… Meredith, he rubbed his face with resignation. He was pretty screwed. And not in a good sense. His stupid remark truly pissed her off which made her vengeance painful. She ran him from shop to shop, throwing various things at him to try on, appraising his appearance with a very critical eye. Derek felt as if he had lost his balls sometime in the process. Thank God, Mark didn't see him. However, what was worse was the fact that he was incorrigible. He would do exactly the same even knowing the consequences; the look on Finn's face was worth it.

If only Meredith would agree… She was the queen of passive aggresiva for the rest of the evening, completely mute and ignoring him all the way home and after. Currently, she was locked in their bedroom, not letting him in.

Derek slowly got to his feet intent on sacrificing the rest of his manhood and begging her to forgive him, spending the night on couch didn't seem like a good idea.

"Meredith?" he asked gently tapping on the door. "Honey, please, let me back into the room…"

Predictably, he was answered with silence.

"Please, sweetie," his voice become more and more repentant. "I love you and I'm sorry I made you feel bad. I'm a jerk."

To his surprise the door opened impetuously, revealing a stern Meredith.

"I know that," she said simply but Derek didn't register a sound. His brain was fried by the sheer hotness before him. His fiancée was sex on legs. His penis lengthened instantly in the tight confines of his boxers. He wanted to be inside her, badly. The reason for it was quite simple yet at the same time mystery to Derek. She had been mad at him… yet now she was wearing the sexiest black lacy lingerie he had ever seen. His throat ran dry as he followed the enticing garters that ran around her thighs.

"Mer…" he let out a strangled moan and rushed forward, eager to feel the wonders of her body beneath his fingers. "I haven't seen that before…"

"It's new," she shrugged airily and escaped out of his reach to sit on the bed, cross-legged. "Bought it today."

"When?" he frowned in incomprehension. He would sure remember a trip to a lingerie store.

"When you chose to drag your ass buying coffee for forty minutes straight," she smirked. "That wasn't very smart of you to try to escape shopping with me."

"Next time I won't," he promised eagerly.

"Hmm, no guarantees I'm going to buy underwear next time," she snorted. "Stop right there," she ordered firmly when he moved to join her.

"What?" he stammered stumbling stop in the middle of the carpet.

"You were a bad boy today, Derek," she shook her in disapproval, stood up and strolled around him to purr in his ear. "Naughty…"

"No, no, no," she shook her finger when he whirled after her. "Don't touch. This will not be a reward, it's going to be punishment…"

He loosened his shirt at the sudden troubles with breathing, his eyes fixed at two glorious breasts pushed up by Meredith's bra.

"That's right," she nodded. "Strip."

"You want me to-" he breathed out.

"Get naked, your tiny brain can take as simple orders as that, can it?" she hissed.

With shaking hands he started to rip his clothing away while she continued her monologue. "There are three simple rules: don't move, don't talk, don't touch. Is that clear?"

He nodded scrupulously unbuckling his belt and hurrying to take his pants down, almost tripping over the legs in his haste. She laughed at him pitilessly walking around him with her hands joined behind her like a strict teacher.

Derek's little stunt at the mall set her off; she didn't want to compromise herself. Moreover, she didn't want to compromise her relationship with Derek. She was porny but some things belonged solely in the privacy of their home. Derek was an ass. Sadly, it also made her drip for him. So now she was hoping to get her message across, having a little fun at the same time. She could already feel the tension in her core at the view of his deliciously naked skin.

Derek wasn't exactly sure what his fiancée had in mind but it looked promising. He had hoped to beg her to take him back but she surprised him again. He half closed his eyelids in anticipation as he sensed her stop behind him. However, seconds later they opened widely and a yelp escaped his throat as he felt Meredith's flat palm collide with his butt.

"I told you to be silent!" she hissed and smacked him again on the ass. "You disregard my orders without my permission, you get punished. It's really that simple."

All the function of his brain seemed now concentrated on his swollen member who hardened even more in response to Meredith's ministrations. Whenever they were in the mood for spanking, it had been more light and playful, whereas now, his buttocks were already tingling after just two slaps.

"So, the first one was just to get you acquainted," went on Meredith easily. "The second for breaking the rules. Now, the third," he was smacked before he could blink, "was for making me look bad."

He breath out deeply biting on his lip to prevent himself from being vocal.

"Yes? You want to say something?" asked Meredith smugly as she halted before him and cocked her head. "Permission to speak granted."

"I wanna… I wanna…" he breathed.

"Come?" she helped him out teasing the tip of his penis which was wet with precum.

"God, yes…"

"But. you. can't. move," she whispered and grabbed him tightly by the balls making him sway on his heels. She laughed and released him, leaving him hanging.

"Fourth, for making yourself look like an idiot," she stated before her palm landed heavily on his rear again that was developing a nice pinky color.

"Fifth, for talking publicly about our sex life." His penis twitched impatiently at the contact.

"And let's see," said slowly Meredith. "The last one, for being rude to my friend."

Something snapped in him hearing the last accusation.

"He's an idiot," he hissed angrily.

Meredith quickly appeared in front of him with a scowl. "Excuse me? Did you say something? I didn't say you could-"

"You made your point," he said ignoring both her objections and disapproving looks as he reached to squeezed her bottom and pulled her to himself to rub her lace-covered crotch against his penis. "Now I'll make mine," he growled pushing her back on the bed and lunging after her attacking her lips and neck.

"How dare you?" she glowered at him but her burning core involuntarily searched him and her fingers wove into his ink locks. "I didn't let you!"

He smirked and dived his hand knowingly to find the growing dampness between her legs. "I think you did, Sweetie."

He licked his lips at two moving targets, Meredith's perky breasts that bounced when she fidgeted underneath him. He quickly opened the front clasp of her bra and wasted no time in taking one of the gorgeous buds into his mouth, biting on the delicate nipple and eliciting a whimper from his lover. He didn't stay there long though, continuing foreplay was not on his mind. He had to take her and he needed to do it now. Meredith knew how to rile him up. He tried to take off the rest of her underwear but the garter belt proved beyond his patience. The next thing she heard was the sound of her expensive La Perla underwear being ripped apart.

"Hey, that was brand new!" she yelled as she widened her legs for him.

"I'll buy you another pair," he replied huskily pushing the scraps of the material out of the way. "We can even go shopping tomorrow…"

She didn't have a chance to answer in any way other than a wild scream as he entered her, not even attempting at gentleness. She trashed on the bed as much as his hard frame allowed as he kept thrusting into her relentlessly, not giving her even a chance to catch her breath.

"You're mine," he growled into her ear, satisfied with the way her body begged him to let her orgasm. "I can't stand… a man looking at you… wanting you… reaching for what is not theirs…"

She caught in flames at his possessive declaration, her slick walls clamping around his pitiless cock that continued to spear her with a bruising force. Barely one wave of pleasure crashed against her when the second one was already building up.

"Oh, God!" she cried out. "Yes!" She exploded in a powerful release only he could bring. This time, he didn't oppose succumbing into following her. He joined her outcries as his hot seed filled her tight channel.

"I think I might like this shopping thing after all," he sighed contentedly a few minutes later when their breathing stabilized, his fingers hooked under her garter.

She giggled pushing sweaty locks out of his forehead. Hell, she enjoyed shopping more than usual today, too.

* * *

**A/N Comments are highly appreciated!**

**There's one word that fits the next chapter best – invasion. ;)**

**Em**

**P.S. In answer to some of your questions, it crossed my mind to write a sequel to this story but I now think it will have been told satisfyingly, no need for a continuation. I want to get back to my other stories and I'll soon be starting a completely new one.**


	48. Chapter 48: Ebony And Ivory

**A/N Hey! I'm trying to make it with faster updates, we'll see how it goes.**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter, I had fun writing it.**

**Thanks goes to Heather and Kim who are guest starring as Derek's sisters. ;)**

* * *

Derek took a quick glance at the crowd awaiting the arriving elevator and decided to take the stairs. He had a procedure to perform in exactly quarter of an hour, he and Mark had a procedure, to be precise. However, his brother was paging him to join him in the hospital lobby. Despite other less honorable Sloan's qualities, he was very conscientious about his work. So, with a roll of his eyes, Derek departed in haste, wondering what Mark was up to.

He didn't have to wait long to know the answer. Fortunately for him and his physical health, he was already at the bottom of the stairs , otherwise he could miss a step. At first, he thought or hoped, that he was having a nightmare, hallucination, anything… But apparently, life had been too kind for him lately. It was time to mess it up a bit. And as he was sure, things would get really messy. He wasn't faced with an equally shocking surprise since Meredith threw him out of the house.

He took a brave deep breath and steered himself towards a small group occupying half a row of seats, recognizing without fail the silhouettes of people he hadn't seen live for almost two years.

"Look who's finally here!" Mark's booming voice announced his arrival.

"Derbear!"

Derek saw a blur of dark hair and air was knocked out of him as one of his sisters collided with him.

"Hello, Kim," he smiled warmly and reciprocated the hug, only now realizing how much he missed his family.

"You look good, Der," Kim's twin sister, Heather pushed her away replacing her. "Must be love!"

"Undoubtedly," stated sourly Nancy, coming to greet his little brother, making him squirm under her scrupulous gaze.

"It's been too long, Derek," Kath moved to kiss his cheek. While her regard was equally penetrating as Nancy's, it was affectionate, not suspicious.

"It has," nodded Derek and moved to kneel down in front of Carolyn who sitting in one of the plastic chairs and took her hands in his. "Ma."

She eyed him sternly so he wore his most charming smile and said apologetically, "I said this before on the phone but I'm sorry I disappeared off the face of the earth. And I really missed you."

She shook her head but leaned in to take her beloved son in her arms. She couldn't stay strict with him when he was making that face.

"What are you doing in Seattle?" he asked when he straightened out, the joy of his family's arrival being replaced with the previous anxiousness. "You were supposed to be here in June."

"Dear brother of mine," Kim looked at him smugly. "We haven't seen you for ages, you call to tell us you're getting married and you think we're going to wait another half a year to check up on you?"

"You didn't think we'd leave it like that, did you?" smirked Heather. "You haven't changed a bit, you're still as naïve as a baby."

Derek rolled his eyes. Did he really think he missed his sisters?

"What have you done with the kids and that poor fellows that happen to be your husbands?"

"They're back in the State of New York, of course, trying to survive without us."

"Sweetie, we finally came out here to see the place that became your new home," Carolyn smiled at him warmly patting his hand. "And most importantly, we want to meet that angel for whom you lost your head."

Derek fidgeted uncomfortably while Mark barely contained his laughter, transforming it into a cough.

"You said your fiancée was a doctor here, right?" asked Kim eagerly. "Is she on call now? Can we meet her?"

"I… You must be exhausted after your flight. Why don't we call you a cab and catch a nap at… you booked a hotel, didn't you?"

"Of course, we sent our baggage there already but we came here first," explained Carolyn. "We wanted to see you and my future daughter-in-law," she insisted making no mistake in assuring him she would get what she came here for.

"We have a surgery, Ma," sighed Derek, checking his watch. "Actually, we should be scrubbing in just about now."

"No worries," she assured nudging him forward. "You two get back to your cutting. We'll wait, see your hospital, meet your colleagues."

"Did you know about this?" Derek asked Mark, his voice barely a whisper.

"No!" he denied quickly. "Who do you take me for, a traitor?"

"Just no stupid comments, understood? And by the way, thanks for the warning. They would have been upstairs long time ago if you didn't meet them. Not that it changes a lot…" he sighed.

"So, Derbear," Kim appeared at his side taking him by the arm. "Tell us more about your girl."

"She's… a doctor…" he answered weakly.

"Yeah, we kind of got that, Der," said Kelly with the tone that suggested "You're so dumb."

"What's her specialty?"

"Ugh, surgery…"

"You're not very eager to talk about her, Derek," dryly remarked Nancy. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Nancy," berated her Carolyn. "Personally, I'd like to know what's she's like more than what she does."

"Mark already told us she's not a blond bimbo after Derek's money," threw in Nancy. "If we can rely on his judgment…"

"She's not," said firmly Derek keeping his temper in check. "She's… wonderful, she's exceptional. She can make the whole world disappear."

"I'm glad to hear that," nodded contentedly Carolyn caressing his cheek with a thumb as they stopped in front of the elevators.

The door to one of them opened revealing a couple locked in a fierce kiss.

"Yang, Hunt, get a room," drawled Mark.

"Like you and Shepherd do something else in this hospital with your ladies," shrugged Cristina dragging Owen behind her.

"Oooh," grinned Heather as they started moving up. "You were caught kissing in public, Derek? When did you stop being a prude?"

"He was definitely not caught… kissing," snorted Mark.

"Do tell!"

"There is nothing to tell!" spat out Derek. Nerves were getting the better of him. Any minute, his family and a very unaware Meredith could run at each other and the result of that reunion couldn't be foreseen.

"Children!" Carolyn calmed the little group. "But you do have interesting coworkers, dear," she added humorously.

Much too quickly, the lift was up and they arrived at the surgical floor. Derek swallowed heavily as the meeting now seemed unavoidable. His fiancée was standing just a few meters away, near the nurses' station, not in the best of moods, to put it lightly.

"You're interns, grunts, nobodies!" she rounded harshly on two young doctors hired last fall, who were cowering before her. "Bottom of a surgical food chain! You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop, and don't complain! "

"Wow, who is that?" laughed Kim.

"She's kinda bitchy," summed up Heather, amusement evident on her face.

"She's not bitchy," said patiently Derek.

"Well, she is a bit harsh," Carolyn admitted fairly. "She is an attending, is she."

"Actually," began humorously Mark, "she's… uhm, she's our Chief," he finished soberly under Derek's scowl.

"Really?" asked Carolyn, looking curiously at the young woman who was still reprimanding the two unfortunate interns. "Is that the woman who was appointed at your place?"

"No!" Derek shook his head frantically. "She never took my place because it was never mine."

"Weren't you promised the job?" Nancy asked skeptically.

"Look, the best won," shrugged Derek. "And she was the best. She's talented, resourceful. She's a truly great doctor and someone that hospital really needed."

"Wow," breathed Kim. "That was quite a speech. What are you, marrying her?" she joked.

Derek clenched his jaw while Mark was emitting tiny squeaks trying not to burst out in boisterous laughter.

"You are…" she realized wondrously after several seconds of pregnant silence.

"Oh, shit!"

"Why didn't you tell us, Derek?"

"Well, well, well, brother. She looks way out of your league…"

"You're sleeping with your boss? I thought you knew better than that."

"How old is she exactly?"

His head started to spin under his sisters' shocked reactions but what was far more worrying was the lack of reaction on the part of his mother.

"Looks like you'll get a chance to meet the new addition to the family just about now," Mark said rising the timbre of his voice to be heard over the girls' random conversation.

He was right of course. With growing tenseness, Derek saw Mer sending off the interns and making her way in their direction. It was a good moment to start praying since she looked somewhat irritated. She was upset since this morning. Apparently, the board members tried to interfere with her work with their supposedly brilliant ideas, encouraged by the hospital's great results. Meredith was of the opinion, however, that they were overdoing it.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Sloan," she squinted at them and consulted the folder she was carrying with her, "to the best of my knowledge, you should both be in OR 2, operating on Mrs. Rodriguez." She brought one hand to her hip, eyeing them questioningly. "You know I want to prove the board their computer model for scheduling surgeries is completely ineffective but the blatant misuse will get us nowhere. Is that Mrs. Rodriguez family?" she frowned at five women standing between Mark and Derek feeling a tinge of foreboding. She was pretty sure they were not related to Mrs. Rodriguez. They all looked kind of familiar and kept staring at her as if willing to dissect her.

"No, actually…" Derek stood beside her putting his arm around her waist. "Mer, I'd like you to meet my Mom and my sisters, Kathleen, Nancy, Kim and Heather. They… quite unexpectedly decided to visit us. Ma, girls, I'm proud to introduce you to the love of my life and my future wife."

That was the last thing Meredith expected to happen that day. Fucking great, suddenly she found herself surrounded by a sea of Shepherds. She had seconds to decide on her strategy, the right course of action if there existed one. She took a deep breath; she would be honest. She wouldn't fake somebody she was not. Well, technically she could, for Derek's sake. But it seemed somehow repulsive to try to sneak into his mother and sisters' good graces by pretending to be bright and shiny. She would her herself, Derek loved her for what she was so screw the rest.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Shepherd," she said with a clear resolute voice. "I've heard a lot about you and the family."

"I couldn't wait to meet you, Meredith," Carolyn's response was no less kind. "Derek was hiding you like a dog with his favorite bone." She ignored Meredith's outstretched hand and took her in a hug, which the younger woman reciprocated rather rigidly.

"You made us quite a surprise," remarked Meredith.

"It was high time," said dryly Nancy. "We had to check what made him completely forget about his family."

"That would be me," said lightly Meredith. "I pretty messed up his life."

Derek let out a small laugh, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"How did that happen?" asked Heather curiously. "From what I heard a year ago, Derek wasn't very fond of you."

"Quite understandably," shrugged Nancy. "How old are you? You seem very young for the chief of a hospital."

"Oh, because I am," Meredith smiled at her, her categorical voice informing everyone she was not going to explain herself.

"Modesty is certainly not one of your virtues," Nancy continued to sting, not taking any notice of one of her sisters clearing her throat significantly.

"Why should it be?" riposted Meredith with painstaking sincerity.

"Actually," both Derek and Mark decided to act in order to prevent the bloodbath and Mark let him continue, "We have all a lot to be proud of, Seattle Grace is second in the rankings of teaching hospitals."

"Chief," George joined their little gathering inconspicuously. "Sorry to interrupt but this new system is a real mess… We have two surgeries scheduled to be performed in the same OR and no one wants to give up…"

"Did I not tell Jenkins it would end up like that?" she snorted triumphantly. "I'll be right there, Dr. O'Malley."

"Well, if you excuse me, ladies," smiled Meredith, deep inside tremendously relieved to be spared their company. "I need to do my job. And, Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Sloan, a family visit or not, you have a patient waiting for you. I hope we see each other later," she nodded at five women.

"Undoubtedly," assured Nancy. "We'll ready to stay as long as Derek needs us to."

Meredith replied with a dry smile.

"I hoped we could have lunch together?" offered quickly Carolyn.

Meredith's brain worked on full speed. She could come up with thousands of excuses but it was not in her style to back down before a challenge. Besides, Derek would call it bullshit on the spot and she didn't want to hurt his feelings or make him think she didn't like his family. Well, that she didn't know yet. The two younger sisters seemed okay. The silent one with longer hair barely said a word. Nancy pants was a first-class bitch but she was deluded if she thought she could take on a Grey. Whereas, Derek's mother, she was all polite and could play poker with that face.

"I can't wait," she grinned, gave Derek a reassuring kiss on the cheek and walked away keeping her silent analysis to herself.

"Dear brother of mine," Kim shook her head approvingly after her departure, "who would have thought you'd go for a badass girl…"

"Look, we really need to go," Derek cut her quickly, interrupting the verbal diarrhea that would inevitably follow. "Surgery, remember?"

"Okay, we won't keep you any longer," promised Carolyn calmingly. "We'll be back for the lunch."

"Yeah," sighed Derek resignedly. "Can't wait."

"Like we all," added Nancy to herself.

* * *

"Just saw the Chief," said Nurse Kristie joining her friend and colleague at the nurses' station. "She was looking like she might spontaneously combust. You know what's going on?"

Debbie wiggled her eyebrows and smiled with superiority, turning on her swivel chair.

"You do, you old witch! Spill! Is some another stupid slut trying to get her way with Dr. Shepherd?"

"Worse," whispered Debbie excitedly and pointed ahead. "You see them?"

"These women? What… are they all after him?" Kristie exclaimed dramatically.

Debbie rolled her eyes pityingly. "Don't be an idiot. They're Shepherd's mother and sisters."

"No!" Kristie opened her mouth in shock.

"Yup!" Debbie nodded smugly. "Apparently, they came out here to meet the future Mrs. Shepherd. And guess what? They didn't hit it off!"

"No way!"

"His mother wasn't terribly happy and one of his sister just hates her!"

"That's bad," frowned Kristie, her face scrunched in genuine concern. "The Chief and Dr. Shepherd deserve to be happy. They are so in love! And they were so broken!"

"That's just the prosaic side of getting married, Kris," shrugged Debbie. "There's the white dress, exchanging rings and flying off for a romantic honeymoon, and there's coping with the in-laws, trying to survive in your house during football championships, sleeping through the loud sawing of wood coming from the other side of the bed… Ah, marriage."

"I guess," agreed her friend pensively. "I just hope that visit doesn't bring any trouble for the docs."

"Relax. Dr. Grey wouldn't survive a tiny glitch in her plans? Not possible. And," she remembered something, "I'm betting on her. Against the bitchy sister."

"It's really that bad with the sister?" asked Kristie dramatically.

"I'm telling you, they looked ready to scrape each other's eyes out!"

* * *

Meredith wanted to take her eyes out. Slowly and painfully, so she would beg to be finished with. She brushed off her sadistic musings immediately; Nancy was Derek's sister after all. Maybe that was why he usually coped so stoically with her own changeable moods. It was just a more enhanced repeat of what he had dealt with at home.

She steered herself with her food tray through the cafeteria, scorning the way Nancy was carrying herself around at the table in the far end. Or rather two tables joined together to host all the family. She was sitting up straight like she had a stick up her ass but still managing to produce an impression as if she had owned the place. And she was sucking up to Addison… Meredith was shaken up by another shiver of disgust.

"Good afternoon," she greeted everyone with a perfect smile. "Hope I didn't missed anything."

"Not much, just the universal disbelief that Addie is Mark's longstanding girlfriend," said Derek standing up to hold a chair for her and pressing a brief but firm kiss on her lips. Meredith hadn't caught a glimpse of him all morning, much less talked to him and the need for her closeness was palpable in the way his lips caressed hers.

"You two are forward with your… affection," Nancy didn't miss an occasion to bite.

"We don't have any reason to be shy," smiled Meredith.

"That was why you hid your relationship in secret from everyone? Including your closest friends?" Nancy pants asked ironically.

"It was all about sex at that point," stated unabashedly Meredith making Nancy speechless and others at loss for words.

"So, Derek," addressed him Heather, determined to break the pregnant silence, "I heard, and please, spare the details, that you broke your penis."

"I. did. not. break. anything," he hissed through the snorts and laughs from the occupants of the table.

"Oh, it was Meredith, right?" she continued to others' amusement.

"No, I didn't break anything either," she laughed. "But there was some bruising," she added, deadpanned.

"Ew, I said no details!"

"Meredith, tell us something about your family," asked Carolyn when the level of hilarity dropped, leaving a place for more serious topics. "I don't suppose they live in Seattle?"

"My father does," replied simply Meredith.

"And your mother?" Carolyn continued good-naturedly.

"She lives in Boston."

"Oh, when is she coming? Or has she already met Derek?" she asked ignoring her son's warning looks as well as the girl's verbal economy.

"She's not coming," denied firmly Meredith.

"Not coming now, you mean? I guess she's busy, I heard she's a doctor too?"

"Actually, she's not coming for the wedding," clarified Meredith.

"Can I ask why?" Carolyn frowned with concern.

"Of course, it's really no secret that we can't stand much of each other," she explained stoically. "It's better for everyone around if we just simply stay as far away as possible."

"Oh," acknowledged the older woman deciding the question time was over. She wasn't actually sure she wanted to hear more.

Meredith kept her composure though she started to question is she should have toned her behavior down a bit. From the brief glances she managed to take at Derek, he looked incredibly tense and alert. Holding her can of coke with one hand, she inconspicuously searched for his palm under the table. Their fingers met and Meredith breathed out with relief when they intertwined.

The rest of the meal passed in relative awkwardness. Slowly each of Mark, Addison and Meredith returned to work, while Derek trudged a little behind, willing to confront his family on his own. He felt they had a lot of impressions to share and it was better if he corrected them with no witnesses.

"You seemed to have made a peculiar choice of a woman to marry," commented Nancy.

"Well, I like her!" remarked Kim before Derek could react. He detested Nancy's attitude. Thank God, Meredith had no problem holding her ground… even though her ripostes were a tad controversial. "She's sincere."

"And she can kick Nancy's ass not even lifting one finger," smirked Heather. "That's just who we need as an ally."

"Kath, certainly, you are not as blind?" Nancy called for back-up.

"Well, I can't say I'm not surprised either," she stated diplomatically. "I don't mean anything bad, Derek. But you and Meredith seem to have nothing in common. You're completely different, black and white. I don't understand how you can even function together."

"Exactly!" exclaimed Nancy triumphantly.

"Well then apparently you don't know me very well," bit back Derek angrily. "And you certainly can't know Meredith after interacting with her for less than half an hour."

"Derek!" Nancy spoke rolling her eyes disapprovingly.

"I think you should go to your hotel. I'll call you later."

* * *

To Carolyn, the lunch provided a lot of food for thought but she knew better than to state her opinions outwardly. While Derek's was walking them off to the exit, she stayed a little behind seeing as he wanted to tell her something in private.

"Ma," he began, weariness making way into his voice.

"I didn't say anything," Carolyn shook her head.

"But you thought it," he replied insistently.

"Derek-"

"No, Mom. I need you to understand something," he looked her straight in the eye. "Meredith is not privileged or spoiled-"

"I never said she was. I admit I was… a little surprised. You never dated a woman like that."

"A woman like what?" he demanded a bit defensively, which reminded Carolyn to mark her words.

"Glamorous, sophisticated, a one that no man can walk by and remain indifferent."

"Don't try to shallow what I feel for her!"

"I'm not, Dear-"

"Yes, you do," he argued. "Whatever you think, I love her. I love my Meredith, with all my being if you can understand that. She brings sense to my life."

Carolyn nodded seeing, with growing worry, how much her son was truly in love with Meredith Grey.

"I know you do not approve of her way of being. I can see that even if you're so kind, formal even."

"I do not make judgments-"

"But you do, Ma," he gave a small laugh. "I did too when I first met her. She's not at all how you raised us. She can be harsh, downright rude, cruel even. She's fearless. Or that's what she appears to be. But that's not all, not even close. I couldn't find the words to describe how wonderful she is and how she makes me feel. So please, I'm asking you to at least try to look past the appearances."

"Derek-"

"Because I swear, Ma," he took a deadly serious tone, "I'm going to marry her, with your blessing or without it. I can't live without her. And talk to Nancy to hold her tongue or I'll do it myself and it won't be pretty. I'll see you later, Mom," with that he leaned to kiss her cheek and departed quickly leaving Carolyn with one of the greatest dilemma of her life.

* * *

**A/N I'm very very curious as to your thoughts after this update so please, comment!**

**And no, Nancy hasn't said her last word yet. ;)**

**Have a great week,**

**Em**


	49. Chapter 49: Endless Love

**A/N The update follows directly after the events of the previous chapter.**

**Hope you enjoy****!**

* * *

"Are you mad at me?"

Derek barely made it back to his office after he walked off his family to the cab when he was startled by his fiancée's quiet voice.

"Why would I be mad at you?" he asked with a small smile, turning on his chair to face.

She shrugged and closed the door leaning with her back against it. "Let's see… me being unkind and unwelcoming… and answering back to your sister, she is a bitch by the way… sorry…"

Derek only smiled and rose to his feet to walk up to her. "So I should be mad at you for being you? I don't think so. If anything, I'm mad at myself for not seeing it coming. I should have figured out they would carry out this little invasion. I'm sorry you have to deal with this so unexpectedly." He locked her body in a tight embrace, nuzzling his nose into her hair to inhale the scent that had always such a calming effect on him.

"Oh, well," she sighed as Derek's hand rubbed her back. "It had to happen eventually. And I knew they would hate me anyway so it's not a big deal-"

"They don't hate you," he denied quickly. "Kim and Heather are actually quite fond of you."

"Nancy does."

"Then she hates everyone," joked Derek. "I told you she was intense."

"I can take her," she assured him resolutely.

"I know," he smiled pressing his forehead against hers. "In other circumstances, I would be rolling on the floor laughing at how Nancy's getting her lesson."

"Have you talked to your mom?" asked Meredith shrewdly.

"Not really. I'm waiting for the emotions to cool down," he sighed observing her green eyes that were half hidden by the lashes. "I'm sorry they don't see the real you yet. They will soon. I did, and I'm not half as observant as my mother."

"Don't worry," smiled Meredith. "I'm not going to be a runaway bride."

"Thank you for giving them a chance. They're really great, you just need to know them better."

Meredith nodded and locked their lips in a slow peaceful kiss.

* * *

Carolyn Shepherd hoped none of her daughters would check up on her in her room. The reason for that was simple, she just wasn't there. Having returned to their hotel, she expressed the wish to take a nap as her old bones needed a rest after the excitement of the travel and the visit at the hospital. However, she didn't not sleep a wink. She lay down comfortably on her bed but the sleep wouldn't come. Her mind was reeling. All because of her son, Derek.

The boy brought her a lot of restless nights in the course of the last year. When he moved across the continent nearly five years ago, taking Mark with him, she was inconsolable but she acted as a good mother should. She whole-heartedly supported him in the pursuit of his dream, becoming the chief of surgery, which was supposedly promised to him. Moreover, she was proud of him, proud that he achieved so much.

Unfortunately, a year ago, it turned out that Derek's greatest ambition would not become reality. Eventually, his mentor and friend chose someone else for the position, a younger woman that hadn't even worked one day at Seattle Grace before. Carolyn didn't think she would ever forget how broken and lost Derek's voice sounded during their first conversation after Webber's decision was made public. She hoped and saw it quite possible that he would then return to the East Coast but instead he took some time to think it over. What happened next with her son, Carolyn didn't really know. His calls became more and more seldom and when she called, she found it hard to catch him unoccupied with something. Mark wasn't very helpful, trying not to let down Derek's trust. But even the occasional strips of conversation made her think that her son was up to something. She recognized the change in his voice; there was excitement and direction. What was going on? Derek didn't divulge.

And then all contact with Derek ceased altogether. No phone call, card, holiday wishes, nothing, zero. If it wasn't for her surrogate son, she would have lost her wits worrying. Finally, a couple of weeks ago, her prodigal child called. She tried to stay stern after all he had put her through but… how could she not react when he informed her out of a sudden he was getting married! She didn't even have a faintest idea there was a woman in his life and now one call and wham, there was another Mrs. Shepherd in the making. She begged him for explanations and he did as best as he could, though he wasn't very informative. She just heard he was in love, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with that woman and that the wedding would take place in June in Seattle. She and the girls tried to coax him to come to New York so they could all be introduced to his fiancée. The answer was no. The woman was a doctor as well and they couldn't take any free days or they wouldn't have a honeymoon in the summer.

So, now the female half of Shepherd clan was in Seattle trying to gauge if Derek didn't lose his mind and apparently, the stock of surprises wasn't over. She believed she would still be objective, unassuming and unprejudiced saying Meredith Grey wasn't at all how she expected her future daughter-in-law to be. In her mind's eye, she saw a nice warm woman who maybe assured some peace and stability in Derek's life, that she would maybe create a family for her son now that it was pretty decided his return to New York was not going to happen.

Meredith Grey was anything but a nice girl next door. First, she was the woman appointed chief instead of Derek. Ironic how they ended up in a relationship… But that was not the worst. She was temperamental, domineering and proud, overconfident that nothing could stand in her way. There was truth in what Kathleen stated after the lunch, Derek was different. He was docile, apart from the rare temper tantrums that lingered on since he was a little boy.

And he was obviously infatuated with the woman. It was so obvious, the way he looked at her, touched her. She was impressive, to be sure. She was a beauty, she had class, sex appeal and charisma. Clearly, the type men were attracted to like a moth to a flame, to use a vulgar expression. According to Carolyn's belief as well, the type wasn't a marrying one. Why did she want to marry Derek? Was it out of love? Carolyn wasn't sure as she simply couldn't decipher her. Meredith was guarded, her eyes quick and piercing; her feelings didn't really come through. Did she really love her son and how much? Carolyn knew she couldn't close her eyes until she learnt the answer to that question. Not until she wasn't sure of the feeling of the woman who could crush her son with a staggering ease.

That was why she sneaked out of her room unnoticed by her daughters and took a cab back to the hospital, not really sure what she was going to do there but determination pushing her forward.

* * *

Meredith's face was lit with a smile as she unplugged her flash card. She just had the brightest moment of the day, apart from the fifteen minutes spent cuddling with Derek in his office. Derek, he would be equally ecstatic seeing what she was sent to by e-mail. With that thought in mind, she set out in search of her fiancé, finding him without much trouble, sitting in a chair at the nurses' station. He sipped coffee rubbing his temple tiredly; his ferry boat scrub cap lying crumpled beside him. Meredith sighed knowing that his weariness only partly due to the procedure he had and mostly to the pressure caused by his family's unexpected arrival.

She crept up to him on her tiptoes, thanking heavens it was a slow hour. She quickly covered his eyes with her hands but he didn't as much as flinch, even though the skin on his temples seemed to burn against her cool palms.

"That feels wonderful," he sighed calmly caressing her fingers with his.

"How did you know it was me?" she asked taking her hands from his eyes and moving them sideways to massage his temples and scalp delicately though the black mane on his head.

He backed his head contentedly against the chair, a faint smile on his lips as her fingers seemed to ban the worrisome thoughts from his brain.

"I have a radar that picks you up every time you're near," he grinned, relaxed. "And lavender, God, I love it…"

"Hmm, I think you might just want to try my conditioner," she joked. "Don't you have enough hair products?"

He chuckled tugging at her hand and she perched up on the desk before him, their hands still joined.

"I've got something that will make you feel better," she smiled and dived her hand to the breast pocket of her lab coat.

"I know you do," he said huskily, his eyes leering as they moved from her knee up higher to were her hand was seconds before.

"No, not that!" she giggled getting to her feet and crouching down to find a port for her flash card.

"Mhm," he breathed fixing his regard on her ass that was so nicely on display when she bent under the desk to scan the pc.

"Now," she breathed out contentedly as she straightened up and clicked on the mouse. "You're ready?"

"For you? Always-"

She rolled her eyes and whispered warmly. "To have the first look at our home."

He took his regard from her body to the screen and opened his mouth in wonder.

"What is that?"

"The house plans," she smiled watching his face avidly. "The architect has just sent them over to me. We'll have it on paper soon too."

He enlarged the images and looked back at Meredith.

"Our home…"

"Our home," she nodded and they both laughed freely as their foreheads met tenderly, not suspecting that someone was watching them closely.

* * *

When Carolyn arrived back at Seattle Grace and its surgical floor, she still didn't have her plan of action thoroughly thought out. She just wanted to find something, anything, to prove that Meredith Grey loved her son as much as he did her. She did not think she was too interfering. She had a right to take care of her son; she was put through the ringer by the late Mrs. Shepherd when Michael introduced her to his parents.

She was sure though that Derek would call it spying and that was why she decided to retire to a small conference room when she noticed him march from around the corner. She sat down in a swivel chair and waited for Derek to disappear out of sight looking out through a crack in the blinds. However, it didn't look like he was going to go away any soon. He apparently just finished a surgery as he dragged his lucky scrub cap off his head. Carolyn resisted the urge to go and smooth his hair back into tidiness. She watched as he chatted with some colleagues, thanked a nurse for a cup of coffee and sat down behind the counter. The corridor emptied but he continued to sit. He looked tired and worried and Carolyn was aware it was because of the day's events. She finally came to the conclusion she was making a fool of herself, hiding from her own son and decided to leave the room when her attention was caught by no other than Meredith who was sneaking behind Derek's chair, biting her lip, her eyes sparkling. Carolyn sat back and watched. It was the first time she saw the girl without the mask of smugness and indifference.

She wanted to surprise Derek but Carolyn knew he was aware of her presence as he smiled seconds before she covered his eyes. His features seemed to relax completely when she wove her fingers through his hair. He was telling the truth, Meredith made the world disappear around him. They flirted briefly, sexual tension palpable between them. And then Meredith showed him something on the computer screen, something that made him all lit up. However, it was not Derek's face that caught Carolyn's attention, it was Meredith's.

While Derek's eyes devoured whatever he was looking at the screen, Meredith's were devouring his face, waiting for every little sign of happiness or contentment of his. It was all in her eyes and her touch now, tenderness, care, protectiveness. Carolyn, finally had the courage to breath out with relief. Maybe all would be well.

* * *

Meredith was putting the last papers into the drawer in her desk when she heard light knocking.

"May I?"

She was shocked to see Derek's mother standing in the doorway with a smile that seemed… warm?

"Of course," she ran her hand over her head. "Mrs. Shepherd, would you like to sit down?"

"No, thank you," she shook her head, registering the difference in her behaviour. Meredith that surprised her son in the lobby seemed to vanish without a trace and was again replaced with a shrewd calculating version. "I think I spent enough time sitting today for a lifetime," she grinned. "And it's not Mrs. Shepherd, it's Carolyn."

"Do you need something? Derek's in surgery and I'm waiting for him-"

"Actually, I came to see you," replied Carolyn.

"Me?" Meredith raised her eyebrows quizzically.

"Yes, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry if you got the impression that we're in any way against you and that I'm happy to welcome you in the family."

"You are?" Meredith squinted her eyes slightly, fixing them on the older woman. "No offence… but I don't need you to sugarcoat anything."

"You're a rather wary person, Meredith," Carolyn laughed gently. "You can trust me, I would not lie about my feelings for you. After all, I am Nancy's mother."

Meredith looked at her in a new light, finding a sudden unexpected likeness between herself and Carolyn.

"But I am truly glad you'll be Derek's wife. I wasn't sure at first, I admit, but I am now."

"Can I ask you why?" asked Meredith, one of her eyebrows raised skeptically, her voice cautious.

"You're a strong woman, Meredith," answered Carolyn simply. "Determined. I cannot imagine him ever getting into harm's way with you by his side. I was afraid you might be his downfall… but I believe you're the best thing that ever happened to him," she finished with a smile, nodded and turned to leave.

"Mrs. Shepherd-" Meredith called after her.

"Carolyn."

"Carolyn, then," acknowledged Meredith with a somewhat softer expression. "I don't want to see him hurt… ever…"

"I know," nodded Carolyn. "I hope things will run smoother from now on. We need to get to know each other better but that's for later. I deserve a good night's sleep."

"Do you… do you need a ride to your hotel?" offered Meredith overcoming her barriers. "I can drive you."

"I'll take a cab. I don't want to trouble you, dear," assured warmly Carolyn. "Besides, you're waiting for Derek."

"Yeah, he'll be in for at least an hour and half," shrugged Meredith. "I was to sit in the gallery anyway. It's really not a problem."

"All right then," agreed the older woman, her curiosity peeked by the mischievous spark in the blonde's eyes.

"We just have to make a quick stop at Derek's office," grinned Meredith. "For the keys."

"The keys?"

"Well… Derek is not completely in agreement about me driving my Porsche in the winter since we go so much out of town," explained Meredith euphemistically with a roll of her eyes as she reached for her coat. "And he has these objections to me driving his car either. It's ridiculous."

"Shepherds," laughed Carolyn thinking that maybe her son was less dominated by Meredith than she had initially assumed. "My husband didn't let me as much as touch his motorbike."

"Let me?" Meredith snorted closing her office behind them. "I would like to see Derek try to let me or not let me do what I want."

"Of course, dear," nodded Carolyn with a stifled lenient smile.

* * *

"So, everything's all right?" asked Derek, squinting sideways at his fiancée as they walked out of the hospital a little more than two hours later.

"Yeah, everything's good," she smiled up at him. "What, is something wrong?"

"No," he shook his head quickly. "You just seem… so relaxed and happy."

"And that's a bad thing," she stated, deadpanned. "I can get mad if you want."

"No, that's fine," he assured hurriedly. "It's just, it wasn't an easiest of days… and you would tell me-"

"Derek," she halted when they reached his car and she stroked his cheek affectionately. "I think everything's going to be okay."

"Is it?" he frowned.

"Yup," she nodded and walked around to climb into the passenger seat.

"Hm," Derek hummed pensively and made to take his driver's place but his hip bumped into the steering wheel. "What the…" he muttered leaning in. "I can swear that either my jeep has shrunk or I've got too big or…" his eyes bore into Meredith's.

"Yeah, your diet doesn't really work out for you, does it?" she remarked innocently bucking her seatbelt and cursing herself for forgetting to put back the driver's seat to the earlier position.

"Mer, did you-" he started sternly but trailed off under Meredith's relentless stare.

"Shut up and drive, will you, Honey. Curiosity-"

"Killed the cat?" he asked sarcastically readjusting the mirror.

"No, made him sleep on the couch," she answered airily.

"Just… don't do it tomorrow, please?" he asked with defeat. "And by that I mean, not in front of my sisters?"

"What? Showing around how whipped you are?"

"That too…" he sighed patiently knowing he would never win an argument with her, "but I don't want my Mom to think our relationship revolves around sex."

"She won't," Meredith stated confidently making Derek look at her in wonder.

"She won't?"

"Nope," she smiled widely.

"What are you not telling me?"

"I am telling you that everything's going to be all right," she whispered bringing an arm around his waist and nuzzling her face into his neck.

* * *

Meanwhile, in one of Boston's fancy restaurants things couldn't be going worse as a social chat between three doctors was taking an unexpectedly unpleasant turn.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Hoffer," the only woman in the company laughed at the absurdity of what she just heard. "That's most ridiculous. You must have misheard."

"But I could swear, I heard all right…" the slightly younger man scratched his head. "My cousin works at Seattle Grace. I'm quite sure, that's why I wanted to congratulate-"

"I repeat, this is preposterous," the woman interrupted him, her patience running thin. "My daughter isn't marrying anyone!"

"I apologize if I perhaps offended you," he assured quickly. "That's just very strange. I could swear it was Dr. Meredith Grey and Dr. Shepherd-"

"Who?" she spat out hearing the familiar name.

"Dr. Meredith Grey and Dr. Derek Shepherd-"

"I wish you an enjoyable evening, Dr. Hoffer," the woman stated abruptly with a hardly hidden venom and the man knew better than to linger any more at her and her partner's table.

"This is ludicrous," she said pushing her plate away. She had effectively lost her appetite for the night.

"What is?" asked her partner, his voice cautious.

"Oh, don't play dumb," she bit back. "You've heard what that old gossiper had to say. I would never believe that… but that Shepherd… I met him, I saw him looking at Meredith. And I expressly forbade him to do anything in that respect. But the rumors of these proportions… they couldn't have just appeared out of thin air…"

The man concentrated on his steak nervously. The rumors definitely didn't appear out of nowhere. He could spread out some worthy gossip himself and he didn't even see much of Derek and Meredith. But marriage…? True, he didn't contact anyone at Grace for months.

"You know something!" hissed his partner, examining him across the table.

"Me…?" he asked weakly.

"Yes, you! You have guilt written all over your face! What do you know? That Shepherd, he got what he wanted, didn't he? She fell for that! I should have never left her unattended; she's so naïve!"

"Love-"

"You're not talking when I'm talking!" she silenced him shrilly reaching for her cell phone.

"Damn right, I do! Seattle," she roared into the receiver a couple of minutes later. "No, for yesterday! Doesn't matter, I'll get a private jet if I have to!"

"What do you think you're doing?" she threw at him sarcastically getting to her feet. "You're enjoying your meal when some bastard is about to ruin my daughter's life? I hope he didn't make her a kid… Get up, get up! You got Meredith into this mess in the first place, now you're going to help me get her out!"

He stood up with a tired sigh, so much for his plan to peacefully reunite Meredith and Ellis. The future didn't look bright. He was going to be cross-examined, for sure, while Derek… should already book a bed in the intensive care unit.

* * *

**A/N I'd like to thank everyone who comments and ask those who have never had to shout out. The story is ending in four updates so it would be ****awesome to hear from you guys who added it to favourites/alerts.**

**Em :)**


	50. Chapter 50: Rock You Like A Hurricane

**A/N Thank you for your absolutely wonderful comments! They warm my heart :)**

**And now, enter the dragon…**

* * *

"All in all, I think it would be nice if we remembered the occasion," concluded Izzie Stevens with a smile. "One year anniversary is small and big at the same time, right, Dr. Bailey?"

"You just want to get your way into her bachelorette party," smirked Cristina. "I bet it's going to be the bash of the year."

"I do not!" huffed the blonde. "I just think it's an important occasion and a way to remind everyone how much Seattle Grace has changed during the year she's been here."

"Yeah, yeah, you can count me in," agreed Cristina. "Just nothing over the top like on Christmas, please."

"Christmas was-" However, Cristina and a few other people gathered around never learnt what exactly Christmas was like as Izzie was violently interrupted by a clear commanding voice addressing one of the nurses at the station.

"Dr. Grey, where is she?"

The young nurse just appointed the day before jumped in her chair and looked quizzically up at the enraged woman across the counter.

"Are my eyes deceiving me?" asked Cristina with a low voice. "Is that really the wicked witch, senior?"

"Oh, shit," stated George accurately. "The Chief didn't say anything she was coming…"

"Do you have a speech deficiency?" Ellis Grey asked pitilessly. "I clearly asked you where Dr. Grey was. Aren't you competent enough to give this kind of information? What kind of nurse are you?"

Dr. Grey… But there were two Dr. Greys…. The nurse's face scrunched in troubled concentration. She finally decided on the Chief.

"She's… ugh, she's in the office," she stammered fearfully, "down the hall…"

"Now, was it that hard?" scorned Dr. Grey, walking away.

The group didn't even recover from the sudden appearance when another followed swiftly. Several pairs of eyes opened wide seeing the former chief, Richard Webber, hastily catching up with Dr. Grey, looking anxious and agitated.

"Ellis, please. Don't be rush, we can sit down and calmly talk it-"

"You know when was the time to talk, Richard?" she asked harshly. "You had a chance to talk for the past few months you were in Boston. But you preferred to cover up that sordid affair so now it's a good time for you to shut up!"

The hall remained silent until they both disappeared from sight only to burst in wild buzzing of gossip.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming," said Cristina excitedly.

"That was… Dr. Grey… Ellis… and Dr. Webber… right?" frowned George.

"What is Webber doing here?" Izzie wondered aloud. "We haven't seen him for ages."

"Use your brain cells, Iz," snorted Cristina. "He was running at Grey's heels, pretty much like Shepherd."

"No!"

"Yup, looks like the mother and the daughter are more alike than we thought. Who knows, maybe we'll have a double wedding," she laughed.

"I just remembered something," frowned Izzie. "The Chief and Derek went to her office together… making googly eyes at each other… And you know what _that_ means…"

"Ooops," snorted Cristina and shouted over to the nurse that was manhandled by Ellis, "Hey, you! You sent her to the wrong Grey!"

"What?! No!" the young woman brought a hand to her mouth in fear.

"Know what? Page little Grey to the Chief's office, stat. Maybe you can save your life."

"You're evil," George shook his head in amazement.

* * *

"After you."

Derek opened and held the door with one hand to let Meredith in, grinning as she caught him staring at her lips which immediately lifted up in a seductive smirk. All the way up from the cafeteria to Meredith's office, they kept throwing teasing glances at each other. There was no doubt in their minds that their lunch would get cold before they ate it. They had a different kind of hunger to fulfill.

"Oh, Patricia," Meredith peeked back into the outer office. "Cut yourself a break, will you? You're working so hard…"

"Sure, Chief," answered the secretary and decided it was best to disappear right away. Soon, it was going to get pretty loud in here.

"So," breathed out Derek standing close behind her as they gingerly deposited their trays onto the desk. He nipped at the tantalizing skin on her neck while his hands sneaked on her hips, his penis already stirring to action. Their sexual life was too limited for their liking for the past few days, mainly due to the presence of Derek's family in town. It happened somehow that they were always interrupted.

"Finally…" he breathed out between slow sloppy kisses he was planting on her neck and her shoulder he was steadily exposing, "alone…"

"Ah," she moaned. "God, I actually miss us… four days…"

"Four damn days…" He lowered his hand down along her body and when he raised it, it was already under her skirt, hitching it up. His length hardened at the sight of her creamy thigh and the red lacy edge of her panties. "Were do you want me?" he asked taking off his lab coat.

"I want you," she began huskily and pushed him backwards, "in the chair…"

She made him sit in her comfy leather chair and crouched spreading his legs.

"I missed… little Derek…" she smirked, feverishly working on the knot on his scrub pants and bringing the garment down to his ankles along with his boxers. "And little Derek missed me," she licked her lips at his cock that was standing proudly before her face.

"Not… little!"

"Right," she giggled before wrapping her rosy lips around the head of his length, her eyes twinkling up at him.

"Oh, God…" he panted, tightly gripping the edge of the seat. Meredith's tongue was working miracles on the sensitive skin of his swollen member and her purrs reverberated all the way through him. She released him from her mouth only to start licking zealously from the tip to the base. Then again, she took him in her eager mouth all the way in, promising another way she would take him afterwards. His eyelids drooped as he felt himself growing closer and closer… until the door blasted open impetuously and he registered the voice that belonged only in his worst nightmares… and which made his cock flaccid on instant.

* * *

"Meredith Grey!" shrieked Ellis falling into her daughter's office like a raging tempest. Yet, even plagued by the worst visions and suspicions, she didn't imagine she would be welcomed with that sight… Meredith with her knees on the floor, wholeheartedly engaged in activity no parent wanted to see their precious child doing and Ellis wasn't an exception in that respect. Thank God, there was a barrier in the shape of the desk between them. "I knew it was a catastrophic idea for you to stay here but I never suspected you'd sink so low!"

Funny, how the last part of that phrase stuck in Derek's brain. In the over-consuming panic, humiliation and the rush to tie up his pants the fastest he could, the only thing he was capable of thinking was perusing whether is that was only a figure of speech or if the pun was intended.

Meredith jumped startled by the unexpected, and simply terrifying, turn of events and released Derek's already soft penis from her wide opened mouth. She stared at the door with a profound disbelief. No way, no fucking way… Her mother, furious and repulsed, was standing with her arms folded on her chest, her head shaking disapprovingly, a vein on her temple pulsing violently. Behind her, a very disconcerted, and clearly not knowing what do to with his eyes, was Richard Webber… What was wrong with that picture?

"What the fuck…?" came weakly from her lips.

"That's all you've got to say when I fly across the continent for you and walk on you holding a man's penis in your mouth?"

"No, actually, I've got more to say!" she spat arrogantly keeping low on the floor. "Please, leave the room so I can finish what I started!"

"That is absolutely outrageous!" yelled Ellis, her breathing hard. "I will not be talked to like this! And I will not leave, I won't make a single step, until you tell me the nature of your relationship with that man," she scowled at Derek who's brain function reactivated up to the level when he could think furiously what he was supposed to do next. Stay on the chair, stand up by Meredith, run for the hills?

"That man is not your concern," hissed Meredith, her body language resembling the characters from adventure movies who scared wild predators away with a burning torch.

"Of course, it's my concern," Ellis shrugged her shoulders, "as a most disturbing and troubling rumor reached me all the way back in Boston."

"I'm not interested in hearing any rumors-"

"Are you or are you not about to destroy your life by marrying him?" demanded imperiously Ellis, waiting for her daughter's answer with tension.

"I am not," replied simply Meredith after a brief while. "I am not about to destroy my life as marrying Derek will the best moment of my life-"

"No!" shrieked Ellis. "I will not allow it! And you," she pointed at Derek who felt compelled to rise to his feet slowly, "I warned you to stay away from her, didn't I? You seduced her, used her! Do you feel satisfied now you reduced her to brainless slut crawling before you on the floor?!"

"Dr. Grey," he answered calmly trying to survive this madness. "We were already together, already in love during your visit-"

"Ah, do you feel so smug now? You useless bastard! It just begs to be investigated by the work ethics board-"

"Keep away from him, mother!" shouted Meredith pushing Derek slightly behind her as though shielding him. "You do not have a right to as much as talk to him! And I will never forgive you for what you said to him last year! I heard every word I was never that ashamed of you! Just stay away from my fiancé!"

"You think I'm going to stand listlessly by and watch you making the biggest mistake of your life? Over my dead body you will marry him!"

"Ellis," Richard spoke up soothingly reaching for her arm. "Please, let's be reasonable-"

"Shut up, Richard! I'm not dealing with you right now. If you're not with me on this, you can wait outside!"

"Oh, that's just whole you, mother!" Meredith laughed with malice. "You come to talk to me about marriage with your lover in tow? The one that you betrayed Dad with?"

"Mer, let's not make it even worse-" pleaded Derek seeing the shouting match was turning into an even bitter and cruel brawl.

"Shut up, Derek!" she silenced him without thinking. "She's a hypocritical bitch and I'm not going to humor her any minute more of my life!"

Derek and Richard exchanged looks of commiseration and the older man shook his head conveying that they were superfluous on the scene.

He felt torn apart. He wished to evaporate from the room yet he wouldn't leave Meredith alone.

"Derek, please leave me alone with her," pleaded Meredith with a stricken and apologetic tone. He nodded silently and daringly placed a kiss on her temple, eliciting an outraged hiss out of Ellis. Hoping the sudden staring competition between her and Meredith meant they were not going to go physical, Derek swiftly followed Richard out of his fiancée's office, giving her the last concerned glance.

"That was…" trailed off Richard at a complete loss for words as he paced up and down.

"Indescribable?" proposed sarcastically Derek running his head with his fingers making it a wild mess. "You couldn't give us a word of warning, could you?" he reproached harshly.

"No, I actually couldn't," Richard defended himself. "Ellis took my cell phone and didn't leave me alone for longer than three minutes since she decided to come out here! And you couldn't have that blowjob done some other place, could you?"

"So, you're with Ellis or what?" asked Derek, somewhat deflated.

"I am," admitted Richard. "I joined her in Boston a couple of months ago, should have been years ago, and I was trying to reconcile her with Meredith. But a couple of months is too short for Ellis's will."

Derek snorted in response. "How do you live with her?"

"Oh, I think you know," chuckled Richard.

"Yeah? Meredith would never cut me off from the world."

"You're still young, Derek," Richard shook his head.

"Is… is Dr. Grey in there?" a small voice interrupted their conversation.

"Yes," sighed Derek gesturing for Lexie to go back, "but you don't want to go there if you value your life."

"Damn it, I was sent here, being told I needed to come here if I valued my life," she said irritated, going inside.

Richard frowned deeply while Derek only shrugged and sighed, "She's a Grey too."

* * *

"I'll make this really quick and easy for you, Mother," stated Meredith clearly, her body strung out and stiff as she stood with her arms folded upon her chest defensively. "You either accept I'm marrying Derek or you don't. Whatever you decide, I don't care. You can think whatever you want to think. Just don't you dare come anywhere near him! Don't you dare try to hurt him!"

"You ungrateful girl," hissed Ellis. "I'm not going to accept this! You are to get this absurd idea out your head!"

"Sadly, Mother," snorted Meredith, "this doesn't have anything to do with you. It is not your decision, my life is not your decision. Not any more!"

"Unfortunately, since you don't know what's good for you! Where is your focus, Meredith? Where are your ambitions? Or don't answer that," she scoffed. "I think I've seen already where they are."

"You know what? They are there too," Meredith smiled challengingly. "Because I love him and I want to make him feel good. So, yeah, those are my ambitions."

"You love him," mocked Ellis. "Please, if he's that good in bed, fine, keep him around, let him do the job. You don't need to jump into marriage with him."

"Wow," Meredith let out a huff of incredulity. "I don't have a problem distinguishing lust from love, not that you could ever understand."

"Then kindly explain me," ordered Ellis changing her tactics.

"That would take ages," bit back Meredith, "and I have better things to do."

"Oh, undoubtedly," snorted Ellis. "Though I admit it's not the right place to discuss it. What about tonight, you and him could explain me your true love."

Meredith's eyes widened and her throat ran dry when the door opened again with a soft knock, revealing another Dr. Grey.

"What do you want?" Ellis rounded on her immediately. "Don't you see we're busy here?"

"I'd like to remind you that it's my hospital, not yours," Meredith got her act together. "So don't you order my employees around. And for tonight? We're all busy." Meredith smiled sweetly as a thought occurred to her. "You see we're having a family occasion, a great family occasion, not that you would know what that could stand for. But it's the last day of Derek's family's stay in Seattle and we're having a little- or actually, not so little- gathering." She explained and strode the room to join perplexed Lexie by her side and jovially brought her arm around her. "All Derek's family will be there and guess who else? Lexie here, for example," smiled Meredith and hugged the younger girl closer to herself. "I haven't introduced you, have I? It's my sister, my little sis, Lexie Grey."

Ellis raised her eyebrows, scrutinizing Lexie with curiosity mingled with skepticism.

"So, Lexie's coming," continued Meredith. "And Lexie's mom, Susan. She's very nice. And guess who else is coming too? Dad, the man you screwed over behind his back. So, you see, my schedule's full. See yourself out mother and be careful not to break down the door in your powerless rage."

"This is far from being over, Meredith," promised Ellis turning to walk out. Did her daughter really think she could scare her with the prospect of seeing Thatcher or his new family? Unlike other people, she wasn't scared of anything, she snorted as she found herself back in the corridor, neither Richard nor Derek Shepherd in sight.

* * *

"Mer?" Derek threw her a quick sideways glance while maneuvering through Seattle traffic. "Do you think we can talk about it?"

"What about?" she asked disinterestedly looking steadily ahead of her.

"Love, please," he sighed reaching out his arm in search for her hand, "no avoiding this time."

"Okay," she gave him a wide artificial smile turning to face him. "Let's not avoid. My wicked mother is here to interfere in my life. She thinks she can dictate me and it freaking pisses me off! That's about it, what else do you want me to say, Derek?"

"Maybe what we should do next," he replied patiently.

"You think I can do something else than tell her to go to hell?"

Derek let out a sigh of defeat, acknowledging that further conversation had little point. However, when they rolled into the parking space in front of their house after the silent ride, Meredith grasped his hand stopping him from getting off.

"You heard what she said today," she began with a quiet apologetic voice. "She listens to nothing and no one. Her truth is absolute, you can't argue with her. So, don't make me seek contact with her or try to make her understand."

"Mer-"

"It hurts," she added weakly.

"Okay," he acquiesced squeezing her hand. "If she doesn't come round before the wedding, she'll understand with time. Because," he turned in his seat with a tender dreamy smile on his face, "she'll see how happy we are, how happy _you_ are."

"It won't be the end of the world if she never does," shrugged Meredith. "I know it's difficult for you to imagine since your family is so close-knit but the truth is, my mom was never there for me. It won't make a difference. Your family is going to be there so that's enough." She leaned in to softly brush his lips with hers.

"I'm glad you and Ma found a common language," he smiled kissing her back.

"Me too. There's only Nancy left whom I have to crack. Maybe I should set my mother on her?" she pretended to think hard. "I'm sure she wouldn't toy with her like I do."

"Yes, I do appreciate your patience," snorted Derek though he seriously meant it. He knew Meredith wouldn't be so lenient towards his eldest sister if it hadn't been for him. But God and all his saints help them if Meredith, Nancy and Ellis Grey were to meet at one place.

* * *

**A/N Next update featuring the unforgettable family dinner will be posted soonish. I have all the chapters and the epilogue written down, I just need to do some editing on them.**

**Have a great weekend,**

**Em**


	51. Chapter 51: It's My Party

**A/N I kept rewriting this chapter in hope of making it better… but here it is, hopefully you'll enjoy the result…**

**EDIT: I'm sorry for a large part of the chapter being in italics, I have no idea why by the French expression seems to change the rest of the update…**

* * *

Meredith took a quick glance at Carolyn who was bustling around the stove with her back to the room, and hissed at Derek, "You don't have to sit here and guard me." Against all reason, Meredith's, Addison's and Derek's advice, Carolyn insisted that her future daughter in law helped her prepare the family dinner on the last day of Shepherd women's visit to Seattle. While Derek, Derek insisted he wanted to lend a hand and didn't budge since they came back from the hospital.

He didn't even look up from the vegetables he was chopping and muttered in equally quiet voice, "I'm not."

"Yes, you are!" she argued, her hand moving decisively cutting meat to thinner and thinner particles with skill and precision of the great surgeon she was. "You don't have to worry, she's not going to reduce me to a puddle of tears this time!"

Derek sighed at the recollection of how Ellis's visit last year ended, with broken Meredith in his arms, telling him her darkest secret.

"You're lucky it's not a patient's brain," he quipped casting a pointed look at her chopping board, deflecting her accusations.

"I can take care of yours in a minute," she bit back. "Seriously, Derek, go away. I don't want overbearing questions or anyone's pity-"

"It's not pity," he started to explain patiently but was interrupted by his mother clearing her throat meaningfully; she was now facing them with concern mingled with curiosity.

"Is everything all right, Dear?" she addressed Meredith.

Was everything all right? Far from it. Ellis Grey was back in town sowing doom and destruction on her way. She would probably bend backwards to stop her from marrying Derek and now Susan, Thatcher and Lexie were coming to dinner too, as she didn't have the occasion to explain to her half-sister her words weren't really an invitation. Carolyn on the other hand, was thrilled at the prospect of meeting her father.

"Everything is perfect," answered Meredith with a tightlipped smile.

"Bullshit," Derek snorted under his breath.

"Derek, language," berated him his mother.

"Yeah, can you make him go to his room?" Meredith squinted at him. "Maybe he'll listen to you."

"You don't listen to anyone for sure," he threw the ball back.

"I don't-"

"Meredith, Derek!" silenced them Carolyn. "What is going on? Can you explain me why you're acting like a pair of five-year-olds?"

"I don't know," shrugged Meredith. "I think Derek's just PMSing."

"Smartass," he muttered giving her a stormy look. Normally, after a jibe like that, he would sweep her off her feet and take her roughly on the kitchen table. Unfortunately, this time there was an obstacle in the form of his mother.

"Honestly," Carolyn shook her head, "I don't know how you've managed so far not to kill each other behaving like this."

"We do talk," replied Derek.

"Make-up sex," said Meredith at the same time, deadpanned.

"Oh, and you were angry at me for what I said to Finn," reproached her Derek and turned back to Carolyn. "Meredith's mother is in Seattle."

"You ass!" shrieked Meredith and threw a piece of meat at him which he missed in the last moment. "I hope you enjoy the coach tonight!"

"Enough of this!" commanded firmly Carolyn. "Derek, clean that up. Meredith, is your mom really in town? Is she joining us tonight?"

"No!" snorted Meredith. "Of course not!"

"But if she's in Seattle," argued rationally Derek's mother. "I think it's a great opportunity-"

"Look, I wasn't joking when I said she wasn't coming to the wedding," Meredith explained trying to remain calm. "She's got no business here."

"Meredith and Ellis… don't really get along," sighed Derek moving to stand behind Meredith and put his hand on her back soothingly.

"That's the understatement of the century," she snorted but made no move to brush him off. However they argued and snapped at each other, their bond was too strong.

"So what is she doing in Seattle?" asked gently Carolyn.

"Trying to ruin my life," muttered Meredith.

"It's hard to believe," smiled Carolyn good-naturedly. "A mother never wants to hurt her child."

"You'd be surprised," commented Meredith avoiding her eyes. "Just trust me, you wouldn't survive me and my mother at the same table."

"I don't want to appear insensitive or to pry," assured Carolyn. "I'm just concerned, both for you and Derek."

Meredith looked up at her with a sigh. "Well, I am concerned for Derek and that's why I want her to stay away."

"She's against your marriage, isn't she?" remarked shrewdly Carolyn.

"She's against everything that I find worthwhile in my life."

"You won't change her mind by avoiding her."

"I don't care for changing her mind," insisted Meredith.

"Mer-"

"Really, all I care about is having this dinner behind me." Derek discreetly shook his head over her shoulder and Carolyn gave up.

* * *

The dinner didn't begin bad. Thatcher, Susan and Lexie did arrive but except for some singular awkward moments that were bound to happen, their presence didn't bother Meredith at all. Nancy, however, Nancy was a whole different story altogether. Derek's eldest and most bitchy sister that somehow persuaded herself Meredith was her personal enemy seemed to save her _pièce de résistance for the last evening and was spreading her venom with unparalleled skill. Meredith suspected it was a bad case of hurt pride as Derek completely ignored her and her vicious remarks most of the time, and her sisters and mother treated Meredith like a part of the family already. Apparently, Nancy felt obliged to double and triple her efforts in nastiness; nothing that Meredith couldn't handle though._

_"So, I've seen the project of your dress, Meredith," she spoke up during the second course__, making all of her sisters, Derek, Mark and Addison roll their eyes. Another match was looming on. "I can hardly see it appropriate."_

_"I can suggest a great ophto here at Grace, Nancy," replied Meredith with equally polite voice. "But about the dress, I think it's appropriate and I'm sure it will be appropriate in Derek's opinion and truly, that's ____all__ I care about."_

_"I still think the gown is too bold for the church," Nancy went on relentlessly._

_"Who told you we're getting married in a church?" asked airily Meredith, her harsh conversation with Derek's sister sending waves of perplexed silence over the table._

_"I hope it's only a joke in a really bad taste," Nancy shook her head impatiently. "I can't even imagine a ceremony in the city hall."_

_"It won't take place in the city hall. We're getting married on our land," Meredith dropped the bomb. That was the first __time she spoke about the location and she hoped Derek's family would be okay with their decision._

_Nancy obviously wasn't. She looked at Derek instantly and when he confirmed Meredith's words with a nod of his head, she gasped, "You cannot be serious! How can you even consider getting married in the middle of nowhere! There's literally nothing else than that horrid trailer!"_

_"For me and Derek__, there's everything," hissed Meredith, stung by Nancy's attempts to degrade her sacred place. "And we are the ones who are getting married."_

_"Isn't it time for dessert?" gently interrupted Susan._

_"Right, there's everything," snorted Nancy. "I forgot my thoughtless brother signed over everything he had to you. Convenient, eh?"_

_"Nancy!" barked Carolyn. "That's quite enough!"_

_"What are you insinuating that I'm with Derek for his money?" laughed Meredith whole-heartedly. "Well, then, let me remind you I'm his boss and I earn more than him!"_

_Derek only sighed with resignation at her side while Mark sent him a sympathetic look._

_"Exactly!" huffed Nancy. "Why don't you find yourself an equal whose name you won't be ashamed to assume."_

_"Finally you've been gossiping with an informed nurse, Nancy!" jeered Meredith._

_"That's enough!" Carolyn shouted over them again and struck an empty soup vase against the table to strengthen the impression, making everyone flinch._

_"I don't wish to witness anything like that again," she stated firmly. "Nancy, the decision where your brother is going to get married or if Meredith prefers to stay with her maiden name does not belong to you, is that clear? We are a family now which means we don't jump at each other's throats." Awkward silence ensued until she spoke up again in a much calmer voice, "Susan, I do think it's time for dessert."_

_It was not meant to be the end of the fireworks for the day though. Just as the atmosphere calmed down to normal, they were surprised by the ringing of the doorbell._

_"Were we expecting someone?" asked Carolyn curiously looking around._

_"Not that I know of…" frowned Meredith blanching visibly. _

_"I'll get the door," offered Thatcher rising from his chair._

_"She wouldn't…" Meredith breathed out to Derek who studied her face with concern._

_"Thatcher, long time no see," Ellis's crisp voice reverberated from the hallway._

_"She would…"_

_Seconds later she entered the dining room impetuously followed by Thatcher who looked as if he had just seen a ghost. Fortunately, Richard didn't make an appearance._

_"Mother, I don't think you were invited," said dryly Meredith, challenging her with her regard._

_"You're being silly," Ellis replied lightly. "I'm in my own house."_

_"Actually, it's my house. Since I'm 18."_

_"Well, well, I think I'm a bit late," Ellis remarked disregarding her words._

_"Not at all, we were just getting to desserts," smiled Carolyn warmly. "You're Meredith's mother I presume? It's a pleasure to meet you."_

_"Hmm," was Ellis's only response as her eyes shrewdly swept over the gathering._

_"Derek, bring out a chair from the kitchen for our guest," asked Carolyn, unfazed by her counterpart's lack of hospitality._

_"Derek, don't," hissed Meredith grabbing his wrist as he got to his feet._

_"Mer, it's for the better," he nodded and passing a quick kiss onto her temple went to fulfill his mother's request._

_"And you're… what's his name… Derek's mother?" Ellis finally __acknowledged her existence._

_"That's what logic __would suggest, Mother," hissed Meredith._

_"And you," Ellis pierced Susan with her eyes, "must be Thatcher's new wife."_

_"Actually not so new," she replied with reservation. "One of 25 years."_

_"So, Derek," began Ellis as they all sat down, "you're in neuro, aren't you?"_

_"What the hell are you doing?" spat at her Meredith. "I told you-"_

_"Not to talk to my future son-in-law?" Ellis gave out a short laugh. "Don't be childish, Meredith."_

_"What game are you playing, __Mother?"_

_"This is no game, Meredith," Ellis dropped her act. "This is your life you're willing to waste so foolishly for him."_

_"Is it just me or we've already heard that talk from Nancy, only the other way round?" muttered Kim to Heather._

_"I think Nancy has been kidnapped from the cradle and left at our doorstep," replied her sister.__ "There's just too much likeness."_

_"Well, I'm very happy for Meredith," Thatcher spoke up clearing his throat and for the first time, Meredith felt a rush of gratitude towards him. "Derek is a good man-"_

_"A good man?" scoffed Ellis. "I see you continue to live in a world of illusion, Thatch. He's an obstacle for her career. He's going to ruin her and everything she's worked for!"_

_"I beg your pardon?" exclaimed Carolyn who was __beginning to fully understand Meredith's reluctance towards her mother. "It is my son you're talking about!"_

_"And it's my daughter's future that is at stake here," bit back Ellis._

_"You know what, Mom?" interrupted Meredith. "You're saying Derek's this and that but I'm gonna tell you what he's not. He's not an adulterer like your boyfriend. Oh, wait! You wouldn't mind that at all! It probably gave you kicks too!"_

_"This is unthinkable!" Nancy assumed it was time to get back to the conversation. "Derek, you want to associate yourself with a sick family like that? Obviously, the apple didn't fall very far from the tree so you might reconsider that engagement before your bride does a number on you too!"_

_To butt in headfirst into the discussion of the enraged women was the last thing Derek desired. However, upon his eldest sister__'s stinging remark he felt his blood pressure rising dangerously. The insinuation was making him sick and angry at the same time. He would undoubtedly got himself in a screaming match with Nancy hadn't Ellis beat him to it._

_"Who are you?" she asked her shrilly._

_"That's beside-"_

_"Who are you and how dare you speak about my daughter like that under her own roof?"_

_"I'm Derek's sister and I have a right-"_

_"You're not talking when I'm talking," Ellis crushed her with one of her masterful cold glares. "You could be the queen of England for all I care. You have no right to talk to Meredith like that, clearly you're not half the woman she is! Now listen to me, your brother here has got incredible luck for a woman like Meredith, who is talented, driven and beautiful, to even notice him and you are going to treat her with the proper respect." After that little monologue that left everyone, and Meredith in particular, completely stunned, Ellis stood up gathering her coat. "I cannot fathom why you're forcing yourself to endure this," she sighed, her voice strained, avoiding her daughter's regard._

_"Because the world doesn't revolve around me, Mom," answered Meredith in a quiet voice. "You'd understand better if you decided it doesn't revolve around you too."_

_"Don't worry, you won't see me again. I see clearly that there's nothing I could do to change your mind, you're beyond stubborn," she went on. "I'm going back to Boston as soon as I can. Just don't come crying to me when the fairy tale goes bad."_

_She marched out of the room but before the front door closed behind her, Derek __sprang up from his chair._

_"Derek! Where are you going?" called after him Meredith, rising from the table as well._

_"Shh, don't stop him," Carolyn quickly put her hand on her forearm. "Let him do what he feels he needs to do."_

_Meredith raked a hand through her hair in frustration, went up to the liquor cabinet and poured herself a glass of tequila. Having swallowed her shot, she deposited the bottle before Nancy who seemed to have gone catatonic._

_"Told ya two Greys were too much to swallow."_

* * *

_Meanwhile, Derek ran up between the cars parked haphazardly in front of Meredith's house and was able to catch up with Ellis before she could start the engine._

_"Dr. Grey," he breathed out opening the passenger door._

_"Dr. Shepherd, please, take your hands off my car," she ordered indifferently._

_"Dr. Grey, wh__y can't you be there for her?" he asked out of breath. "Why can't you support her for once. It's not that you don't care for her. It's obvious you do after what you said. So let's drop that act and just appreciate who she is, let her know that you're proud of her."_

_"I still think she's making a mistake," sighed Ellis looking at him briefly. "A big one."_

_"What do you have against me? I love your daughter__, I care for her and I'll never let her to get hurt-"_

_"Dr. Shepherd," Ellis stopped his confessions dryly. "It is the last time I'm asking you to let go of my car. __Next time, I'll use my taser."_

_Derek reluctantly backed off with a shake of his head, he knew better than take her words freely._

* * *

_"It's been a long day," whispered Meredith breaking the silence of the candle lit bathroom. The guests were long gone, no one was particularly tardy to call it a night after Ellis catastrophe. Well, maybe except Nancy who was quite reluctant to part with the aforementioned tequila bottle. As soon as the door closed behind them, Derek dragged Meredith upstairs and they both indulged themselves into a soothing bubble bath._

_"Thankfully, it's just the two of us now," he murmured while his hands went up and down her arms sensually, making her sprawl relaxed on his chest._

_"I'm sorry your family had to endure that…" Meredith bit her lip. _

_"Our family," he corrected her instantly. "They'll be fine. Besides, Kim and Heather were ecstatic. They said it was like lifetime channel, only live."_

_"I'm pretty sure it was a horror movies marathon," laughed Meredith._

_"But it turned out better than you expected after all," he remarked kissing her right temple._

_"I… I don't want to read too much into this," she shrugged, wriggling on his lap and snuggling into the crook of his neck, her fingers playing with wet hair on his chest._

_"You don't have to. She loves you… in her own way..."_

_"In her own way," snorted __Meredith. "I love you and I don't want to change you."_

_"That's because I'm perfect," he smirked. "Nothing to change."_

_"Right," she rolled her eyes slapping his arm playfully._

_"__Right," he nodded, "and you know why? Because you complete me."_

_"Cheesy," she sighed contentedly into his collarbone._

_"Meredith Grey," laughed Derek, "deep inside, you love cheesy."_

_"Hmm," she purred glancing at him mischievously. "I love something else deep inside…" She maneuvered to straddle him in the narrow bathtub. "We got so rudely interrupted this morning…"_

_"We did," he breathed out hotly. "__But now it's this moment again…"_

_"What moment?" she whispered leaning in towards him._

_"The one I love," he answered cocking his head to a side. "The moment of getting lost in your eyes before a kiss."_

_"I can promise you…" she continue to gaze at him through her half-closed eyelids, "lots of moment__s like this…"_

_With that assurance she closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the feel of his lips._

* * *

**A/N One chapter left and then the epilogue.**

**Em**


	52. Chapter 52: This Year's Love

**A/N The very last chapter! It's a bit cheesy but I think it was unavoidable considering the occasion ;)**

**As for the chapter title and the song I used -I recommend listening to it before reading – "This Year's Love by David Gray- I know that Meredith and Derek have been together more than a year but I still think it fits.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

SOME MONTHS LATER

"Ouch!"

Derek tried to loosen his collar in a gesture that betrayed his complete nervousness but his hand was instantly slapped by Heather.

"Don't touch that!" she berated him like a little boy and rushed to readjust his tie. "You've got to look presentable at your own wedding!"

"You're such a bridezilla!" whispered Kim dramatically to her sister.

As soon as Heather let go of him, he stuck his hands in his pockets and started to pace up and down in front of the place where he and Meredith were supposed to get married. It was a beautiful spot, shaded by the trees but giving a magnificent view over Seattle at the same time. The reverend was already there, everyone else was already there, except his bride. She wasn't technically late yet but the sooner the time of their wedding was, the more anxious Derek became.

"Man, stop with the pacing," frowned Mark. "You're making me nervous and I'm even not the one who's getting hitched."

He was surely suffering from Meredith withdrawal, he didn't see his future wife since the previous morning. His wicked sister scrupulously made sure that they didn't meet before the wedding. He spent a first non-Meredith day for months, worse still, he slept alone and he found that unnerving. Meredith once told him she wasn't a runaway bride but the last few days were simply overwhelming. God, he just wanted to have her before his eyes again and get done with the wedding…

An unexpected sound of a car engine broke him out of his musings. Was someone late? His eyes swept over the gathering of their family, friends and colleagues, it didn't look like it. On the other hand, he was so nervous he couldn't be sure.

Suddenly, his eyes opened wide in surprise as the newcomers turned out to be no other than Ellis Grey and Richard Webber. At first, Derek was rooted to the spot. Meredith's mother made no contact at all since she left Seattle after the memorable family evening. And now she was here… Desperation slipping into his veins, he quickly crossed the lawn disregarding curious pairs of eyes and heads that were turning back after him.

"What are you doing here?" he addressed Ellis more harshly than he intended.

"Excuse me?" she snorted, her eyebrow riding high.

"I think it's time that you accept that Meredith and I are getting married. It's our wedding day and there's nothing-"

"You call yourself a brain surgeon?" she snorted in reply. "You think I came out like this only to persuade my daughter not to get married?"

Derek closed his mouth embarrassedly as only now did he realize Ellis was wearing an elegant dress while Richard was in a tuxedo.

"Besides," Ellis took out an envelope from her purse. "I've got an invitation."

"Right," he nodded thickly. He sent it himself.

"I intended to make an entrance during the speak or hold your peace part but apparently, it hasn't even started yet. Where's Meredith?"

"She's… still in the house… getting ready…"

"In the house?" Ellis quirked her eyebrow.

"Well, yeah, only the ground floor is finished… we were hurrying to make it for the wedding-"

"I'm going to see my daughter. Hopefully the roof won't fall down on me."

"But-"

"Derek, relax," Richard patted him on the shoulder and dragged him back to where everyone was waiting. "Ellis is no threat to your happiness. She had a lot of time to think about everything and she revised her opinions."

"Did she?" asked Derek uncertainly.

Richard laughed at his uneasiness. "Let's give them five minutes, and then we'll get you married."

* * *

"Now, perfect," beamed Addison as she smoothed the back of Meredith's dress for the last time and put a bunch of flowers into her somewhat cold hands.

"Yeah?" breathed out the bride.

"Yes," nodded Carolyn gazing at her with emotion. "You're the most beautiful bride I've seen in my life and I'm so happy my son is the groom."

"Let's go, Mer," hurried her Addie. "I'm sure everybody's waiting impatiently."

"Can we just… can you give me a moment here… alone…" stammered Meredith. "I… I need to breathe."

"Mer, it's almost the time," reminded her the red head. "You don't want to be late for your own wedding."

"We've still got a moment," nodded Carolyn knowingly. "Catch your breath, dear. Calm yourself down and meet us outside," she smiled giving her hand an encouraging squeeze and ushered Addison out of the room.

Catch your breath? thought Meredith as she exhaled deeply, her eyes wandering erratically around. She had the impression she was suffocating. The window was closed. Why was the window closed in the middle of June? She opened it hastily and threw herself in the chair nearby, not really caring if the gown creased.

She couldn't fathom why she was feeling like this. She was wearing a gorgeous wedding dress that hid the underwear that would make Derek drool. She loved him more than life itself, she yearned to marry him. And yet, the prospect of going out there and vowing her eternal love to him was paralyzing. Suddenly, the window and a small path leading around the house seemed very appealing. No, she shook her head desperately. She couldn't run, Derek would be crushed.

"There are two possible courses of action." Meredith's head shot up and her body stilled as she heard the clear voice behind her. "You just need to make a choice and cut."

"Mom," gasped springing from the chair. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard my only daughter was supposed to get married," answered Ellis approaching her. "Figured it was the place to be."

"You came for the wedding?" asked Meredith quietly.

"No, I came for you. I thought you needed someone who understood exactly how you felt."

"You? Understanding me?" Meredith didn't even had the strength to laugh.

"Yes," nodded Ellis and went around her. "It might seem surreal to you but I am just the person who knows what's going on inside your head." She turned and faced her daughter again. "You look beautiful, stunning. Like a princess."

"Okay, are you high or something?" Meredith frowned suspiciously.

"You have the same aura about you."

"The same?"

"The same look of innocence you had when you were five and you went for that party dressed in a white sparkling dress."

"The fancy dress party in kindergarten," whispered Meredith, swallowing with difficulty. "The only one I've ever been to."

"Just before we went to Boston," nodded Ellis. "I always remembered how you looked in that dress, happy, carefree, trusting."

"I was happy," whispered Meredith, her eyes becoming glassy.

"And vulnerable."

"I was a child, Mom," she reproached her.

"Children grow quickly, Meredith. And then they become adults, often equally vulnerable and prone to being trampled over by others."

"So you thought you'd make me strong and extraordinary by not loving me?" snorted Meredith with a trembling voice.

"Meredith," sighed Ellis and lifted her chin slightly with her fingertips. "Of course I love you. You were the only thing I had after Seattle."

"Sure, the only thing besides work."

"You were the only thing I had. I didn't want to see you getting hurt like I did," explained Ellis. "I had let myself feel, I let my guards down. And I got hurt. I wanted something better for you. I didn't want anyone to have a chance to hurt you. I tried to make you stop feeling. Except… I overlooked the fact that… that you wanted to feel."

"And now I don't know how to…" sighed Meredith.

"Of course you do," stated firmly Ellis. "You let that man in your life as far as to agree to marry him. Now it's time to overcome these ridiculous fears and get your ass out there."

"You're giving me advice on marriage?" Meredith cocked her eyebrow and folded her arms over her chest.

"I had my nerves in shreds like that before my first procedure."

"You did?"

"Yes, but I sucked it up and kicked everyone's asses. I expect you to be out in five minutes top, Meredith; I didn't drive out here for nothing," she said crisply. Before she walked out, she halted in the doorway and smirked at her daughter, "One more thing… Richard and I are moving back to Seattle. I'm slowing down with my career but I still need a place to cut. We'll talk over my salary when you're back from the honeymoon."

She was already out when the full meaning of her statement reached Meredith.

"She _is_ high!" she hissed, grabbed her bouquet and marched out.

* * *

Every minute passed was making him more paranoid. Maybe it was due to the fact he was standing in the full sun or maybe Ellis Grey's dramatic unexpected arrival but he could come with thousands of possible reasons why Meredith would like to dump his sorry ass at the altar.

"Derek, get back at your place," hissed Kim from the first row of seats. "Do you suffer from a late ADHD onset or what?"

He obediently trudged back but was startled by a collective sigh of admiration that ran through the gathering behind his back. He turned, almost tripping at the sight at the end of the short aisle but who could blame him? Of course, she didn't abandon him. She was there, breathtaking, spectacular. Dr. Model? He chuckled inwardly. She could be mistaken for one but she was real, so very real. Her delicate form he knew so well was hugged appreciatively by a fabulous gown, her shoulders bare, her hair clipped tightly at the back of her head. When she lifted her half-lidded eyes to meet his, he was short of fainting. The moment was there again. She allowed him to look into her soul and he acknowledged his total surrender and faithfulness.

Meredith gave him the lightest most discreet smile that left him impatient to have her at his side. Seconds later, she was offering him his hand which he took and kissed reverently.

"God…" a whisper of worship fell from his lips.

"God?" she giggled softly, her eyebrows rising.

"Uhm, he was showing off when he made you," he said to cover the slip of his tongue and was satisfied to see a delicate rosy hue developing on the porcelain skin of her cheeks and chest.

"Sweet," the roll of his eyes was evident in Mark's voice.

Derek knew his sisters would be teasing him in no time calling him a lost puppy or something else more devious but he couldn't care less as he and the woman of his life stood side by side, professed their vows, exchanged the rings and were pronounced husband and wife. It happened so fast or he was that enraptured that for a brief moment he just stood staring at her instead of sweeping her off her feet in a heated kiss. With a sweet laugh, Meredith caught the lapel of his tuxedo and pulled him closer to her. The tender deep regard, breathlessness, safe soft familiarity of their lips. An angel's touch. Cheers and applause broke out and Derek backed his head. He wouldn't be able to control himself if he deepened the kiss. He had to make it behaving relatively decently through the rest of the afternoon and seeing how irresistible Meredith looked it was going to be strenuous task. He secretly craved everyone to magically disappear, leaving him and his brand new wife to make sweet life, naked on a blanket in the bushes, just the way Meredith surprised him a year ago.

On the other hand, it was wonderful to celebrate their love with their relatives and friends. Meredith made peace with her father's side of the family and apparently, at least a truce with her mother. His family, making up a good half of guests, was beaming at him. And they stopped to give them the barely concealed hints that the Shepherd line needed continuation after Meredith asked one of his aunts with a deadpanned voice if she wanted to join them in their bedroom.

* * *

Not for the first time in his life, Derek felt like killing Mark. Unfortunately, he didn't want to tarnish his wedding with a crime and he was afraid he wouldn't see it as important after two glorious weeks of his honeymoon as he did now.

"So you would think they'd stop doing it all over the hospital but I'm sure they're just going to use "we're newlyweds" line," the best man continued his highly entertaining speech, sending shockwaves of laughter around the table. "But I'm not going to bitch, I'm getting some pretty much too."

"The worst wedding speech ever," Derek groaned into Meredith's ear. "Remind me why I made him my best man; it must have been a temporary insanity."

"At least it's not boring," she grinned shivering as his breath tickled her skin. She took pity of her husband, however, and cleared her throat meaningfully.

"Uh-oh," Mark feigned a scared look. "I think my time is up as the blushing bride has just sent me one more word and I'll fire you look. No joke, people. We thought she would fire Derek at one point," he quipped evoking another round of boisterous laughter. "Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses. To Meredith and Derek who share something truly special."

* * *

"I'm never going to forget how I felt tonight." Her voice was barely a whisper on his neck but he had no problem in picking it up. The music to which they were swaying gently was calm, serene, soothing like a balm, perfectly summing up the wondrous day. "And I never want this night to end."

_This year's love had better last  
Heaven knows it's high time  
I've been waiting on my own, too long  
When you hold me like you do  
It feels so right_

"Me too, love," he murmured into her hair. "But you know what?"

Their bodies were moving softly in sync, seeking the greatest closeness, like a vine coiling around a rustic cottage. Their intertwined hands rested on Derek's chest at the level of his heart. Her other arm went around his shoulder enabling her fingers to play with the unruly curls at the base of his neck, while his embraced her slim waist, the grace of which was underlined by the style of her gown.

"What?" Everything around that wasn't Derek started to fade in the falling dusk.

_If you love me got to know for sure  
C__ause it takes something more this time  
Then sweet, sweet lies  
Before I open up my arms and fall losing all control  
Every dream inside my soul  
When you kiss me on that midnight street  
Sweep me off my feet  
Singing ain't this life so sweet?  
This year's love had better last_

"It is never going to end."

_This year's love had better last_

"Mhm, promise me?" she shivered in his arms.

_This year's love had better last_

"Promise," he stated solemnly and traces his fingers from her back to her arm. "Are you cold?"

"No," she breathed out, nuzzling against his warmth. "I'm perfect."

_This year's love had better last_

* * *

"And we have a happy ending," sighed Izzie Stevens contentedly, her palm under her chin as she observed Meredith and Derek dancing with a smile.

"If I was a cheesy sap I'm not," began Cristina who was sitting at the same table and waving a shot glass to the rhythm of the music, "I would say that's just the beginning."

"When is your beginning, Yang?" asked jokingly Alex, smirking at Cristina and Owen who held his arm around her chair.

"When's yours?" she bit back.

"Well, if either of you wants one, you should book the slot already," grinned Miranda. "Seattle Grace has turned out to be one great mating place."

"I blame Dr. Model," shrugged Cristina. "She brought out Owen, the obgyn for the manwhore, and practically made George get interested in Torres, Webber could finally chase his witch. And I wouldn't be at all surprised if she had something to do with you hooking up with Alex and with saving Bailey's ailing marriage. Quite a matchmaker, huh?"

"I doubt she'd be delighted with that title," chuckled Owen, his fingers weaving through her dark curls that cascaded down her back.

"But there's some truth in it," remarked Izzie. "Remember how we all hated her? But she deserves him."

"They deserve each other," agreed Miranda walking off with her eyes her husband that led their little son the bathroom in the house.

"And they look beautiful together," commented Izzie and after a few thoughtful moments she asked Cristina, "No snide remarks?"

Her friend smiled, "I was willing to let that slide but if you insist." She cleared her throat and grunted, "Perfect people with perfect lives and perfect jobs, boo hoo."

The table erupted in laughter.

Owen took his glass and nodded, "To Meredith and Derek."

They all echoed the toast and Izzie proposed the next, "To this year's love."

* * *

**A/N ****Comment, comment, comment!**

**Em ;)**

**P.S. Happy Grey's Day tomorrow! Can't wait to see Derek as the Chief.**


	53. Chapter 53: In Private

**A/N So… this update was not supposed to happen. I was just to post the epilogue but… I read your comments and… I don't know, I just felt like squeezing some more fun out of this fic for you since you've all been so amazing!**** And you inspired me.**

**In short, this chapter is here for you and thanks to you!**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

"You're gonna pay for this," hissed Derek threateningly, trying both to get his breathing regular and drive them safely to their destination – Meredith's old house. They were just back from their two-week honeymoon in Paris but unfortunately, they still had to wait a couple of weeks before their new home was finished.

"Uh-huh," hummed Meredith teasingly, trying to keep her face straight.

"And the payback will be painful," went on Derek fidgeting in the driver's seat. However, no attempt at finding comfort proved successful. The raging erection between his legs was an obvious obstacle. The raging erection Meredith brought about, very purposefully.

"Right," she nodded disbelievingly.

"Laugh till you can," he hissed.

"I will," she agreed grinning as her hand sneaked again over his thigh in the direction of his swollen groin.

"Meredith, take your hand off," he gasped. It was beginning to be really painful.

"Okay," she shrugged folding her arms over her chest, a characteristic smirk on her lips. "I will never come near your penis again."

"That's… that is not what I meant!" he squeaked, torment on his face.

"You were perfectly clear," she smiled up at him watching his jaw clench.

"I know what you're doing," he laughed bitterly.

"You do?" she asked, her eyebrows riding high.

"You're teasing me, you're riling me up!" he shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road. "It's not gonna work."

"I think it's working…" she leaned in so he could feel her hot breath on his neck, "just fine…"

"God, I'm getting you back for this…" he promised breathlessly.

"If you had pulled up by the side of the road like I told you, you and little Derek would have got me a long time ago," she said coyly.

"I'm not pulling up by the side of the road to get sex," he snorted sulkily. "I remember how it ended the last time. With a fine and public humiliation. Not going there again."

"Where's your sense of adventure?" she challenged him.

"Er, let me think," he said ironically. "In practically every famous place in Paris. Personally, I think the overcrowded Eiffel Tower was a feat."

Meredith only giggled. "As Mark said, we're newlyweds."

"We are," nodded Derek. "Don't you forget that when we're back."

"What if the jet lag kicks in?" she asked coyly, battling her eyelashes innocently.

"Meredith!" he warned her dangerously and turned into their street. "Thank God!" he breathed out as he stopped the car and practically jumped out of it. "Out, out!"

"Bossy," she wiggled her eyebrows at him. "Remember to take our luggage from the car."

"Screw the luggage!"

"Derek, you wanted to screw me, remember?" she laughed at him. "What you have to do with the luggage is to take it out of the car and bring it in. I'll be waiting, possibly naked!" she stuck her tongue at him and ran up to the house.

She opened the door, briefly surprised she need to turn the key only one time, and dashed inside. However, as she crossed the hall her eyes darted to the living room where…

"Argh! Ewww!" she yelped in utter horror and whirled on her heel back to the door.

********************************************************************************** With an annoyed grumble and the knowledge that she wouldn't stop the teasing until he fulfilled her wishes, Derek opened the back door of his jeep and heaved out two fat suitcases. He was just about to close back when Meredith shot out of the house with a tormented scream, her hands covering her eyes.

"Mer?"

"I'm blind! I'm blind?" she gasped coming to a halt beside him.

"What? What are you talking about?" he frowned grabbing her arms and scanning her face.

She lifted her palms and peeked around. "I'm not blind… Damn, do you have bleach?" She dived past him into the jeep looking around. "Do you have bleach in the car, Derek?"

"No," he sighed, observing her antics skeptically. "Meredith, what's happened?" he firmly placed his hands on her hips and dragged her out.

"I… our living room… them… they were…" she breathed out, her face contorted.

"Someone's in the house?" asked Derek glancing in its direction.

"They… they were doing… ugh…" she pretended to gag.

"Who? Burglars?" he frowned. It was broad daylight.

"No! Unfortunately!" she yelled dramatically.

"Mer? Unfortunately?" he looked at her with concern and passed his palm over her forehead. "Are you tired? It's the jet lag, isn't it?"

"It's not… it's them!" she pointed at the house; Ellis and Richard just appeared in the doorway.

"Your mother and Richard? What are they doing here?" he asked quietly.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," she snorted. "You should be so grateful I told you to take our things…"

Derek squinted at the newcomers and only now noticed Ellis's blouse was crumpled and she had skipped one of the buttons. Both she and Richard were visibly out of breath.

"Oh…" mumbled Derek as everything clicked in his head.

"Yeah, oh…" his wife muttered sarcastically.

"Meredith, Derek," Ellis greeted them as she and Richard joined them, unfazed by the whole incident. "We weren't expecting you so early."

"We weren't expecting you so early? Mother!" yelled Meredith. "We're here a day later that we were supposed to anyway!"

"Oh, well," shrugged Ellis. "We've just lost the track of time."

"Lost the track of time, my ass!" Meredith slapped her forehead and looked at Derek with big eyes. "They've defiled our living room!"

"No need to be vulgar, Meredith!" berated her Ellis while she gave Derek a quick look. "And what's with your husband and the constant hard-on?"

Derek turned away instantly, red on the face.

"I'm so sorry," sighed Richard apologetically. It appeared they could never meet in circumstances that could be considered normal.

"As you should be," said crisply Mer. "You know, we're going."

"You've just come," argued Ellis.

"No, you've just come and we've seen enough!" Meredith rolled her eyes as she helped her husband load their baggage back into the car.

Her mother cleared her throat meaningfully, "I thought we could discuss the conditions of my employment," she offered not meeting Meredith's eye. "I'm getting bored in here."

"What employment?" asked Derek, alarm in his voice.

"We're not staying here," Meredith shook her head trotting to the front of the jeep. "You'd have to disinfect the whole house first. God knows where else you did it. Derek, we're going to our land!"

"How did you get inside anyway?" frowned Derek.

"Addison gave me the keys," shrugged Ellis.

"Now I know who to blame for the biggest trauma in my life," muttered Meredith, disgruntled.

"What about my contract?" shouted after her Ellis. A loud thud of the closing door was her daughter's only answer.

"Mer, what is she talking about?" probed cautiously Derek.

"Just… just drive okay?" pleaded Meredith, rubbing her eyes. "Maybe if I'm actively not thinking about her, I'll be able to forget the image…"

"They were…?" he chuckled pulling off.

"Derek!" she hissed. "I'm considering a lobotomy here!"

They drove for several minutes in silence when Meredith groaned suddenly and made a demand that brought a grin to his face, "You're fucking my brains out when we get there!"

* * *

Meredith hurriedly dusted down around the trailer, changed the sheets and now stopped near the slightly opened window of the trailer unbuttoning her blouse. A fragment of conversation between Derek and the workers that were busy with finishing the upper floor of their house reached her ears from outside.

"We can't just pack up and leave everything!" insisted one of the man. "We've got schedule!"

"I understand-" Derek tried to cut in.

"We were paid extra to be extra fast!"

"I know, I paid the extra-"

"And now you don't want the extra-"

"I do," sighed Derek, "but we've just got back to the country and we want to relax in private. Come back tomorrow-"

"Can't do!" insisted the man.

"Let's put it differently," said tiredly Derek. "You can go now or I'll ask my wife to talk to you and trust me, you don't want that."

Stifling her laughter, Meredith cleared her throat and shouted out in the most screechy voice she could manage, "Derek, what the hell are you doing?" She didn't have to wait long before she heard hurried footsteps and the noise of car engines. Derek went inside and she hurried to meet him.

"Are they gone?" she asked him breathlessly wriggling out of her skirt.

"Yeah," he replied tearing off his shirt that landed carelessly on the floor, his eyes darkening at the sight of her voluptuous body she was steadily exposing. "Thanks for helping out by the way, they scurried off in fear."

"Any time, honey, any time," she purred and they collided in a heated frenzy, their arms flying everywhere, their lips seeking out each other hungrily. They stumbled on impact, vacillated and crashed into a little table, sending an empty flower vase onto the floor.

He pinned her to the wall, her body trapped between the cool surface and his heated skin experiencing a sensory overload. His relentless lips left her mouth that desperately searched air as she felt his teeth nibbling on her neck and his fingers tugging at the clasp of her bra.

Their intimacy was long familiar and domestic but the wild fire always reignited itself between them without fail, indestructible, ravaging, unquenchable and everlasting. Once it was lit, it's call was impossible to disobey, whatever the time of day or night.

The second Meredith's breasts were freed for him to prey on, his lips descended enveloping one of her gorgeous buds in his hot mouth. She threw her head back in pleasure as he lavished loving and torturously stimulating attention on her sensitive nipple. With a deep throaty moan of delight mingled with impatience, she jumped up hooking her legs around his waist while her fingers fumbled with his belt, making him step awkwardly backwards.

He stack the hand that was not on her ass to regain his balance but the only thing he achieved was grabbing a tablecloth and dragging it to the floor with everything that was on. Taking no notice of the shower of objects falling down spectacularly, they let their passion reign them. Derek hit the wall behind him just as Meredith pushed his trousers and boxers down his hips.

She attacked his neck and throat while her hands didn't return from between their middles. He groaned frenziedly as her sinfully expert touch on his manhood sent shockwaves of exhilaration to every cell of his body. With a growl, he flipped them back, his hard frame grinding into hers.

The frisky foreplay was over, what they now needed was hard sensuous thrusting. Not wasting time or energy, he tore her panties in one powerful pull.

"Hey!" she gasped as she heard the ripping sound of her underwear and a gust of air on her wet mound. "That's the fifth pair this month!"

"Oh, I know," he growled lowly, male pride coursing in his veins.

The final obstacle between their ultimate reunion gone, he penetrated her inviting warmth with a deeply satisfying sense of thoroughly reclaiming what was lawfully his. She clang to him for dear life, her spine strung out as she felt being deliciously filled by her husband. For a short sweet moment they stood listlessly relishing their tight joining. Then a tremor of desire passed through Derek's body, his member nestled deep inside her twitched demanding the glorious friction that was imminent. It was Meredith's undoing; she pushed their connected bodies, the one body they became, off the wall. Derek's unsteady legs swayed and buckled as they hit the edge of the bed.

They fell over on the soft covers in an entangled heap. Slightly disoriented, Derek tried to determine where he ended and where he began, the prevailing issue on his mind being his penis slipping out of Meredith's heavenly pussy. He scooped up on his elbows and knees driving back into her forcefully, making her cry out.

Her head trashed wildly on the bed, her middle lifting from the bed as Derek placed her feet on his shoulders. Their wanton moans and cries mashed together, every meeting of their pelvises bringing them closer the awaited explosion of senses.

"Oh, God…" she moaned as her vaginal muscles contracted around his hard length that was giving her no reprieve.

"What?" he smirked, his regard relentless. "How… does it feel…?"

"Divine," she gasped, her fingers waving into his locks and tugging at them uncontrollably. "You're…" She never finished her thought as an exceptionally powerful stroke of his set her core in flames. He watched her lithe frame shake violently in his strong arms, her skin glistening in perspiration, her irises dilating while her continuous moan filled his ears and her walls collapsed all around his cock, teasing it to follow her. He slowed his pace to prolong her pleasure and then sped up again succumbing to his own desires while she was still riding the wave, his seed shooting deep inside her.

Balancing on his shaky arms, he rolled off her and sank onto the bed heavily. The only sound in the trailer was chirping of grasshoppers coming from outside and that of their ragged breathing as they waited for their bodies to cool off. It was anything but easy as the air was hot due to the high summer temperature and heavy with the scent of their lovemaking.

After a few minutes of blissful relaxation, they looked sideways at each other and they… burst out in laughter.

"What a welcome," sighed Derek satisfactorily placing his arms under his head lazily, his naked body languidly stretched out.

"You mean the sex or walking on my mother with her boyfriend?" quipped Meredith crawling onto him. She perched between his legs, placing her chin on his chest. She jumped up on his belly when he laughed at her remark.

"Ah, it feels good to be back here," he muttered serenely.

"It does," she smiled nuzzling her cheek into his skin.

"It's a pity we can't stay here for the time being," he said playing with her blond tresses splayed on her back.

"Why not?" She shifted and he sighed happily feeling her breasts squeezed deliciously against him.

"The building crew is still working," he shrugged.

"So? They're not working at night," she argued. "And I really don't want to go back to the old house, not with my mother and Richard having trashed all around."

"We'll clean up," insisted Derek. "They're better than…"

"Than what?" she raised one eyebrow looking up at him suspiciously.

"Than an army of half-naked men swarming around you," he grumbled reluctantly.

"Hmm, my jealous beast of a husband is back," she purred kissing the ridges between his muscles. "I thought they were deadly scared of me?"

"It isn't exactly contradictory with checking you out," he huffed. "They were practically drooling at the sight of your legs."

"So we should have let them stay to listen to us. That would have left no false illusion as to how good you make feel," she grinned coyly, stroking his ego. "They'd know they have no chance against you."

He grinned back slyly and pulled her up to kiss her.

"You think the hospital's okay?" she asked, vocalizing her recurring worry of the past two weeks.

"I'm sure they're fine," assured her Derek.

"They haven't called," she sighed. The staff, George in particular, were instructed to let her know immediately if there was a situation requiring her personal attention.

"There was probably no need to," he said soothingly. There was also no need to tell Meredith he had personally made sure no one was going to interrupt their wedded bliss.

"No need?" she repeated dejectedly. "Normally I have to intervene at least once a day…"

"Well, I said they were just fine, didn't I? With you in charge, we're perfectly fine," he chuckled planting a small sweet kiss on her nose. "What's the thing with your mom? She wants to work at Grace?"

"I thought she wasn't serious about staying in Seattle," Meredith bit on her lip. "Apparently she is…"

"It's a chance for the two of you," Derek tried to find a bright side.

"Maybe, she does seem to be reformed… but is it enough to work with her?" she thought aloud. "She would be a great asset for the hospital though…"

"It's worth a chance," summed up Derek. Ellis was no longer openly hostile towards him, she certainly approved of their marriage since she helped Meredith out with the little freak out she experienced on the wedding day. They would survive.

"But… what if… Richard… I don't mind if he makes her happy or whatever but… I don't want to see that ever again," she groaned on recollection of her mother on top of Webber… "By the way, I think me flexibility might be hereditary…"

"You don't have to worry about that," stated firmly Derek swapping their positions once again.

"I don't?" she cocked one eyebrow skeptically.

"Yes, I'll be here every time you need me to… how you put it… fuck your brains out," he smirked, taking notice how her breathing quickened, her breast having underneath him.

"You'd better," she hissed locking her arms around his neck to pull him into a kiss.

"Always," he assured eagerly.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he managed to breathe out before their lips sealed.

* * *

**A/N There is a short epilogue left. Seriously this time.**

**Thank you,**

**Em :)**


	54. Chapter 54: Feels Like Fire

**A/N Hey! I knew what I said the last time but I was 'begged' ****;) into writing another chapter and I couldn't resist. Truth to be told, it's difficult for me to part with this version of Meredith and Derek.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Derek!" Meredith hissed out of the corner of her lips, her face indifferent but her body burning. "Your hand is on my ass!"

"What's the problem?" he quipped. "You like having my hand on your ass. In fact, you like having my hand on your boobs, between your-"

"Derek! We're in the lobby!" she chided him. Of course, normally she liked, scratch that, she loved and fully enjoyed him using his talented hands on her but not in front of a wall of her subordinates who gathered to greet their newest coworker – her mother, Dr. Ellis Grey herself. Derek was standing beside appearing to have his hands behind him but the little smirks and winks told her everyone knew what exactly they were engaged in.

"Dr. Shepherd!" she addressed him sternly, the hot weight of his hand still torturously present on her backside. "I am the Chief, which means, your boss!"

"Ah, and in so many ways," he said sexily, his eyes almost half-lidded. Her jaw clenched, she glared at him as he not only continued his intimate hold on her, his hand began to slowly wander up and down.

"What do you think you're doing?" she squeaked, her voice strained as she cursed herself in her head ashamedly for dripping wet for him on instant despite, and partly because of, his impish disrespectful behavior.

"I'm just… massaging you," he replied slyly. "You seem so tense."

"Oh, thank you, Dr. Shepherd," she rolled her eyes. "Ass-groping as a relaxation technique, that just calls for the next Harper Avery."

"We have already established I'm a genius, haven't we?" he winked at her, this time pinching her buttock.

"You!" she gasped with intention of throwing a longer rant but her mother appeared right in front of them with an expression of impatient disapproval.

"Will I ever see you two without the air of kids entering the phallic stage?"

"Derek, keep your hands to yourself!" ordered Meredith and for once he acquiesced.

"Thank you," she answered exaggeratedly and turned back to her mother. "Mother, we've already talked about this but you seem to need a reminder. Here, I am the Chief. You are my employee. I pay you. You listen to my orders and you fulfill them. Is that clear?"

Ellis just waved her hand dismissively and asked, "Where's my office?"

"Dr. Grey, it's an honor to have you here." Jennings from the board cut in with two other members and captured Ellis' attention temporarily. Undoubtedly, she was missing the flattery and admiration since she left Boston.

"Keep your credit card at ready, Derek," muttered Meredith through clenched teeth.

"What?"

"Because I'm sure you'll have to bail me out of jail," she replied, deadpanned. "I'll be a murder suspect by the end of the day."

* * *

"It's just so cliché," complained Cristina grumpily from her seat behind the counter.

"What is?" asked lightly Izzie, her own eyes observing eagerly the scene before them.

"A family feud, a conflict of generations," Cristina went on monotonously. "And now love proves stronger than hatred blah blah blah and everyone is happy."

"Do you always have to look for a bad side of everything, Cristina?" laughed Izzie. "They just talked and explained their problems like adult people should. I'm happy for them."

"Talked and explained?" snorted Cristina. "Have you met the Greys?"

"I heard the old witch sneaked Shepherd and Grey's sex tape out of the house and blackmailed her into hiring her," cut in Alex earning a smack over the head from his girlfriend.

Cristina, on the other hand, looked elated, "Now we're talking!"

"Interested much?" he snickered.

"What?" shrugged Cristina. "I would watch it, they look like they'd be good."

"You're disgusting, you know that?" Izzie shook her head, a grimace on her face.

"Come on, Iz," Cristina glanced at her, her eyebrow raised skeptically. "Don't tell me you're not curious what he does to make her scream like that."

"My beast is satisfied," huffed the blonde.

"It is," confirmed Alex proudly. "Hunt isn't meeting your expectations, Yang?"

"Hunt is a beast," bit back Cristina, "but it's never too late to learn some new tricks."

"Or to watch some good porn," agreed Alex.

"You're… impossible!" yelped Izzie and stalked off with an expression of utter abhorrence.

"Prude!" called after her Cristina. "So, what do you think is their secret?"

"Sex toys?" wondered Alex curiously.

"Nah," she scrunched her face. "Role play?"

* * *

"So, Derek, how is it going with your monster-in-law flying around the corridors like a bloodthirsty bat?" asked Mark as he, Derek and Owen were making their way up from the cafeteria.

"Can't complain," smiled Derek, completely relaxed.

"You can drop the act man," said Mark looking around. "We're not in your wifey's radar."

"I'm serious," chuckled Derek. "Ellis is behaving like an almost human being."

"And Meredith?" asked Owen. "How is she coping with that?"

"Oh, well, most of the time she's pissed," grinned Derek happily.

"And… that's a good thing?" frowned Owen.

"You see, Mer is… like a battery," he explained finding a not so subtle comparison.

"A battery?"

"She absorbs all this energy, ultimately she has to give it out, spend it," went on Derek, his mind transporting him somewhere else already.

While Owen still remained in the dark, Mark mouthed to him, "Sex."

"Ah," nodded Hunt with a chuckle and a shake of his head. "That good?"

"She's unbelievable," sighed Derek reverently. "And I can't get enough of her."

"Yeah, we saw," Mark rolled his eyes. "Just remember she is a couple of years younger, you'll have to resort to the blue pill in order to keep up with her in a few years' time."

Derek scowled at him and was ready to reciprocate with a witty response but in the corner of his eye, he spotted his wife in a patient's room… in his patient's room… talking to his patient…

"Excuse me," he muttered to his colleagues hurriedly.

* * *

"Morning, Dr. Bailey," Meredith greeted her head of general as she passed her in front of the OR board, supervising a nurse who was filling in the grid.

"Morning, Chief."

Meredith's eyes swept the board out of a habit, noting the recent changes critically.

"Nurse Kristie, there's a mistake. Please, correct it," she admonished. "I don't want to see such a sloppy board ever again."

"A mistake?" asked the nurse, squinting at the board. "Nope, I see none."

"But there is!" insisted Meredith. "Joyce twins surgery. My, Dr. Torres and Dr. Bailey's surgery. I see my name written twice."

"Oh, it's not your name," interrupted Miranda knowledgeably. "It's the other Dr. Grey."

"Excuse me? What?" gasped Meredith, her brain unwilling to process the information.

"Haven't your mother talked to you about the swap?"

"The swap?" repeated Meredith with horror.

"Dr. Grey asked me to kindly let her operate," shrugged Miranda. "She couldn't wait to be back in the OR."

"One could think we didn't have any other patients," snorted Meredith folding her arms over her chest defensively.

"Apparently, any other case didn't present such a level of difficulty as to interest Dr. Grey," replied Miranda indifferently.

"Right, sure!" exclaimed Meredith. "She has no idea about the case!"

"She's studying the files right now," argued Miranda. "It's not at all a problem for a surgeon as experienced as Dr. Grey. Do you have a problem working with her, Chief?" she asked shrewdly.

"I don't have… any problems whatsoever!" she hissed angrily and turned away to scan the board once more. She didn't want to be in the same OR as her mother. She was aware such a situation might arise when she agreed to sign a contract with Ellis but she figured there would always be a way to tweak things up a bit. She was the Chief after all.

Damn it, it was a slow day for neuro. But… Derek had a shunt surgery just before her own. A bit more swapping wouldn't hurt.

Fifteen minutes later, she marched into Ms. Cheryl Lewinson's room confidently, opening the chart. Derek's ex-patient was an 18-year old girl with a hydrocephalus syndrome discovered two weeks prior.

"Hello, Ms. Lewinson," she gave the girl a wide smile. "I'm Dr. Grey and I'm taking over your case."

"You are?" the girl asked skeptically. "You're a doctor?"

"Yes, I am," assured her Meredith. She was accustomed to the expression of surprise that a woman so young could be an experienced practician, she even took it as a compliment. "In fact, I'm the Chief of surgery here. You're in the best hands possible."

"Oh," nodded Cheryl, her face still visibly dejected.

"Is something wrong?" asked Meredith.

"No… I mean," sighed Cheryl. "No offence but I thought the other doctor's hands were quite good."

"Excuse me?" frowned Meredith feeling she wouldn't like the rest of the conversation.

Cheryl leaned forward a bit on the bed and said excitedly with a low voice, "The other doctor, you know with the blue eyes and black hair?"

"Dr. Shepherd?" nodded Meredith with reservation.

"Yeah, Dr. Shepherd," agreed Cheryl eagerly. "He was cute, like sexy cute… with all the leaning and smiling-"

"Do you… do you have any questions about your surgery or did Dr. Shepherd explain everything?" Meredith asked quickly, trying hard not to get irritated with her patient. Her husband was an attractive man, she reasoned with herself. It was quite understandable that women liked to look at him.

"Yeah, Dr. Shepherd," giggled Cheryl. "He's an eye candy isn't he? And you know I wanted to check… if… I watch this hospital drama show where everyone sleeps with everybody… in on-call rooms, supply closets-"

"Reality is nothing like that," stated Meredith, her voice high-pitched. "Hospital work is… busy and boring and… celibate… completely. And Dr. Shepherd is married!" she added viciously. _He has a ring on his finger, you blind moron!_

"Seriously?" frowned Cheryl.

"Yeah," went on Meredith and decided to plod on. "And he's no spring chicken, he has performance problems if you know what I mean-"

"Dr. Grey!"

Assuming the most repentant facial expression she could muster, Meredith turned her head towards the door seeing exactly what she expected, an absolutely furious Derek.

"Dr. Grey has just told me…" giggled Cheryl covering her mouth, "I mean, she told me you were no longer my surgeon…"

"I am still your surgeon," assured crisply Derek, striding the room and grabbing his wife under her arm. "Dr. Grey just forgot to take her pills this morning."

He flashed her an angry look and nudged her towards the door.

"The surgery is still on schedule, Cheryl, don't worry."

"I'm not even sure I want to know what it was all about," he said sternly once they were in the corridor, his eyes boring into hers.

"Oh, okay," she grinned briefly and made to move away as quickly as she could.

"Not so fast!" he warned grabbing her arm to hold her in place.

"You told me-" she began innocently.

"Meredith, don't push your luck," he shook his head threateningly. "Can you possibly explain me why you were trying to start these awful rumors about my… about my… completely untrue rumors? Again?!"

Meredith mirrored his stance and spat back, "She practically told me she wanted to do you, oh great McDreamy!"

"Don't McDreamy me!" he shouted back. "You harangue me that I'm the jealous one but you're always trying to talk any woman into believing I'm impotent! We're just the same! Do you want to tattoo your name on my penis?"

Only when he concluded his rant, did he notice people around them walk slower than usual pricking their ears to pick up more. Yang and Karev were standing a few feet away staring shamelessly.

"Pray continue," she encouraged with an expression of professional curiosity.

"Yeah, don't mind us," shrugged Karev.

Derek rolled his eyes and turned on his heel dragging Meredith behind him to the nearest on-call room.

"Interesting," commented Cristina.

Alex raised his eyebrow dubiously. "A tattoo on the dick? Not sure I'd go there."

"Weird sex rocks apparently…"

* * *

"I'm listening," said Derek looking, or rather scowling at her, expectantly.

"To what?" she replied cheekily.

"Meredith!" he groaned. "And you tell me I'm unprofessional! You try to steal my surgery and lie to my patient because you're jealous?"

"Oh, please," snorted Meredith. "Get over yourself already. You, me and your ego can't fit into this room."

"Then, please, enlighten me why you're kicking me off my case I've been on since the beginning?"

"Because I don't want to operate alongside my mother!" she revealed turning away from him and pacing nervously.

"What?" he asked in a softer voice.

"She's taken over Bailey in our separation surgery. You know which one, Joyce twins," said Meredith, rubbing her temples.

"The conjoined spinal cords?" he recollected. "Ellis is to operate with you? You have never done a surgery together?"

"Surprisingly, no. I'm sure she did it on purpose!" Meredith threw her hands with irritation. "She always pushes for more and more. I should have never let her stay!"

"Love, you can now go through the whole dinner without snapping at each other," reasoned Derek. "I'm sure you can spend some time together in the OR too, it's the place you both love and feel at ease."

"How am I supposed to feel at ease with her breathing down my neck?" she yelled. "You are taking this case," she ordered. "I'm taking your shunt."

"No," he said firmly shaking his head.

"I'm not asking, I'm telling you the schedule has been changed, Dr. Shepherd," she snapped.

"I don't care," he shrugged. "I'm not taking your case and certainly you're not taking mine just to chicken out of yours."

"I am your Chief, Derek!" she shouted at him.

"Then act like it!"

"Fine," she gritted through her teeth and made to storm past him but he caught her around the middle before she even reached the door.

"You're not walking out on me!"

"Let go off me!" she gasped out of breath. "If you don't want to help me-"

"God damn it, Meredith!" he cursed straining unsuccessfully to make her face him. The relatively minor argument was getting out of handle.

"Leave me alone, Derek!"

They struggled for a good moment, Meredith trying to pull free, Derek not letting her out of his arms.

"Are you going to listen to me or be a stubborn bitch?" he breathed out into her neck.

"Fuck you, jackass!" she spat at him. "Fuck you!"

"With pleasure!" he growled and decided to deal with her the best way he knew. His lips wandered briefly on her neck, biting on her skin. He pinned her to the wall holding her hostage with one arm while the other frenziedly tugged at the cord holding up her scrub pants. Breathing hard, she tried to fight him off pushing back into him but despite all her stamina he was stronger. He was a man after all. He pushed her pants down along with her flimsy panties. His own pants and boxers soon joined hers pooling around his ankles.

He entered her hard and fast from behind, not even checking if she was ready for him. But it was obvious given the ease with which he filled her slippery channel. She growled at the joined pleasure and pain of her husband's sudden penetration. Breathing hard, she braced herself against the wall as he thrust back into her with double force. One of his hands dived under her bra to squeeze her full breast while his rock hard cock drove back into her over and over, in a manner that was almost animalistic.

Her thighs shook uncontrollably and she came hard with a piercing shriek but that didn't make him go easier on her. His pace didn't waver as he repeatedly speared her core. Out of a sudden, before she could come for the second time, he pulled out of her completely and she would have fallen if he hadn't held her tight. He turned her in his arms and reentered her molten warmth, this time looking deep into her eyes. Relief spread through his limbs as he saw no former hostility in her emerald orbs. With the final push, she exploded once more as did he, spraying her walls with his seed.

Their legs wobbly, they fell heavily on the nearest bed. After a moment of silence, Derek grabbed a tissue from the box on the table and tenderly wiped the outcome of their steamy lovemaking off her body, his delicate movements completely opposite to the rash passion of the last few minutes.

"I'm just afraid," said Meredith quietly, her eyes closed. "I can be afraid too."

"I know you can," he agreed softly. "But what are you afraid of? Tell me…"

"In the OR, nothing can get me," she said looking at him as his finger caressed her cheek. "It's my second home, was my first home for years. It's my stronghold and I'm its master. And now I'm supposed to let her in…"

"She's not a threat to you in any way, you know that," said Derek soothingly.

"She's gonna do something, that's what I know," she riposted. "There's always something she doesn't like, and according to her, it's supposed to make me stronger if she points it out loud and clear. She won't like the way I ask for instruments, my posture will be too inefficient, my hands wasting too much energy, my scrub cap too childish… Possibilities are endless, take this surgery, Derek."

"At work you're my superior and I respect that, honey," he sighed pulling her closer to him. "I will take it if that is your order. But I hope you change your mind because it would be a mistake."

"Damn it, Derek, I didn't ask you for commentary," she complained but her voice was more dejected than annoyed.

"Which means, you realize I'm right," he chuckled. "You'll go into that OR and be the amazing surgeon. Not for your mother but because you are one of the best doctors I've had the pleasure to meet."

"I think I always tried to prove something to her," she confessed. "That I was stronger than she thought, that I had it in me to be a surgeon. I don't want to feel that again, that need to be perfect in her eyes."

"And you don't need to," he stated firmly. "Listen, just be yourself, the beautiful confident woman. And I'll be up in the gallery if you want me watching your back okay? I don't think I ever paid you back for being my doctor during Isaac's surgery."

"I hate it when you're being all reasonable and righteous," she rolled her eyes.

"You love it," he quipped.

They lay in silence for a few minutes before Meredith spoke up biting on her lip, "You don't think we've just thrown eight months' worth of therapy out of the window, do you?"

"No," he chuckled slightly. "We didn't have sex instead of talking. We had sex and then talked. And… and what's the story behind the scrub cap?"

"It's just a scrub cup," she answered scrunching her nose. "It doesn't have a story."

"Evert lucky scrub cap has a story," he insisted.

"Mine doesn't. I just like butterflies."

After another moment of silence, Derek sighed apologetically, "I'm sorry for calling you a bitch."

"Sorry for calling you a jackass."

* * *

A couple of hours later, Derek scrubbed out of his shunt procedure at the top speed and rushed to the gallery just as he promised his wife. When he arrived at the place, it turned out the room was so crowded it was impossible to stick a needle inside. He noticed Richard waving his hand at him and he elbowed his way to where Webber saved him a seat.

"What are you doing here?" asked Derek as they shook hands.

"Two Greys operating together?" chuckled Richard. "I wouldn't miss the spectacle for anything."

"Meredith was a bit restless," sighed Derek scanning the room below. His mother-in-law was already bustling inside, giving the last instructions to the residents and nurses that were going to assist. He couldn't yet fish out Meredith's slim silhouette.

"So was Ellis, quite unnecessarily," stated Richard pensively. "I remember as it was yesterday… Ellis, she walked into the OR a resident, left a legend. So did Meredith. I would bet my year's pension your child will do as well."

Derek only smiled at his old mentor's words. He would love to see that prediction come to life one day.

"What I regret the most is wasting all these years when we could be a family," the older man confessed in a quiet voice. "But when I see her back here, it's like not a day passed since she fled from Seattle. And I like to think you and Meredith will make better use of the time you have."

"I'm sure of that," Derek nodded confidently and smiled seeing his wife appearing beside her mother. She raised her head and he winked at her reassuringly as their regards crossed. He saw the sparkle flickering in her eyes and he knew everything was going to be alright.

"Derek?" Richard glanced at him with a frown. "What happened to your neck?"

He quickly covered the side of his neck with his hand. "I… uhm… it's…"

Richard cleared his throat meaningfully. "The hickey's on the other side."

* * *

When Meredith washed her hands vigorously in the scrub room, there was no panic left in her organism. The little tryst in the on-call room helped her considerably to get rid of the overwhelming tension. Derek, along with little Derek, was infallible, she smirked at the recollection of the harsh way he took her against the wall. And they talked. Derek kept her grounded.

She walked into the OR, her regard immediately clashing with her mother's. She felt as she was sizing her up, just like when they went through the procedure plan an hour before, but Meredith was unfazed. She was as much entitled to be there, if not more. She glanced up towards the gallery and saw Derek already there, winking at her.

Ellis commenced the surgery making the initial cut. Her task was to part the muscles and make sure the internal organs of five-year-old twin sisters remained intact. Meredith could feel the awe of the observers as they watched her mother work. Her hands moved with such an ease as though she was slicing warm butter. Not the most sympathetic comparison but Meredith knew it wouldn't bother Ellis Grey. She always distanced herself from her patients. So as she did. At the point when she was supposed to cut and heal, she would forget their voice, the hope in their eyes, their laughter or tears. Instead she engaged herself wholeheartedly in what she was supposed to do, cutting and healing.

"Work your magic, Dr. Grey," Ellis nodded at her and Meredith answered with a challenging look. The attention was now almost solely on her, just as the weight of the procedure. The future of these little girls was on her hands, the future in which they would be happily running or one which they would have to live through paralyzed.

The instruments in her hand moved swiftly, deliberately and rhythmically. No unnecessary pauses but also no hurry, she was well on schedule. She anticipated every development and acted ahead, making sure no false movement of hers could irreversibly impair the precious nerves.

Finally, the time for the last move. She was very aware everyone was holding their breaths, she could almost feel the heat of their gazes on her latex-covered hands. But she attributed no special importance to the final cut, she would never make herself choke on the finish line. It was just another step of the procedure. One glance at the monitors, a quick decision…

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have two healthy pairs of legs," she announced with satisfaction to general applause.

The atmosphere in the operating theatre through the final stages of the surgery was unbelievably light and cheerful. Meredith could swear even her mother cracked a smile under her surgical mask. But the most unexpected came afterwards when she was scrubbing out, her mother at her side.

"Thank you, Dr. Grey," Ellis nodded opening the tap.

"Likewise, Dr. Grey," nodded politely Meredith. "Likewise."

"So, the scrub cap," began Ellis making her daughter roll her eyes. Didn't she tell Derek about the scrap cap? "When I saw it on your head, I felt like you were three all over again."

Meredith sighed with resignation, why hid her mother have to spoil it every time they were having "a moment".

"You were fascinated with all things flying since we took you to the Space Needle with Thatch," went on Ellis. "We had to watch you 24/7, you almost broke your neck in an attempt to learn to fly."

"Oh," breathed out Meredith. Maybe she was the one too hasty to judge after all.

"The truth is…" her mother's voice became somewhat strained and reluctant as though what she wanted to say was coming out with great difficulty. "I wanted to find myself in the same OR as you for a long time."

"You did?" asked Meredith with total bewilderment, fully facing her at the sinks. "Seriously? Why?"

"I wanted that since the moment you announced you were going to med school," admitted Ellis.

"And yet you told me I wasn't cut out for surgery," reproached her Meredith.

"I knew you'd try even harder," shrugged her mother."The more obstacles on our way, the more doggedly we fight."

"You and your logic," sighed Meredith.

"But I knew if we were ever work together, the whole world would stop to watch in amazement," she said quietly, her eyes alit. She moved closer and completely unexpectedly took her daughter's hand in hers. "I knew that it would be extraordinary."

"It was," said simply Meredith, smiling gently. She didn't remember ever being as close to her mother as in that moment.

"Which makes it look very foolish of you to threaten your last employer at Mount Sinai to quit if he let me consult on your cases," Ellis's voice returned to her usual crispness.

"Thank you, mother," replied Meredith sarcastically but in the corner of her lips, she was smiling.

"You're welcome, Meredith," assured Ellis energetically. "You know you can always count on my honesty."

"All too well," muttered Meredith throwing the wet paper towel into the bin and going away. However, step after step, she felt a considerable discomfort at walking. It was like… her ass was hurting her. The material of her scrub pants brushed painfully against her skin, forcing her to limp in attempt to avoid the harsh contact. She distinctly remembered Derek thumping her against the wall while filling her with his cock over and over… Looked like adrenaline levels that rocketed due to the surgery dropped enough to unblock the physical stimuli. Fantastic.

* * *

Meredith peeked around the corner looking for either Derek's or Addison's head in the ER. Where was her husband when she needed him to fulfill the being together in need part of their vows?

"Yang!" she hissed at Cristina who was chatting with Alex and Izzie. "Have you seen Derek? Or at least Addison?"

"Nope, why are you walking like that?" frowned Cristina noticing without fail Meredith's blundering.

"Ugh, I've got a burn," she replied dismissively looking around in hope of seeing the face of her husband or her best friend. The only thing she achieved was attracting the attention of Karev and Izzie.

"Where?" Cristina insisted with growing curiosity.

"Go away," scoffed Meredith.

"Well, we're both doctors. No need to be embarrassed," shrugged Yang.

"I'm not embarrassed. I'm just waiting for my husband!"

"You've got burns on your girl parts?" smirked Cristina knowingly.

"I do not!" gasped Meredith. "It's not on... on my girl parts!"

"Well, then they're on your ass- Ouch!" she yelped as her chief pulled her into the nearest exam room.

Not seeing another option for the time being, Meredith pulled her pants down and sprawled on the exam table on her stomach.

"Oh, my God!" exclaimed Cristina, her wide eyes fixed on the signs on Meredith's butt.

"Not so loud!" she hissed at her.

"How did you... what did...? You have grate marks burned into your ass!" Cristina managed to stammer out in awe.

"I was busy having sex," muttered Meredith, tapping her fingers impatiently on the table. "Will you please just dress the wound?"

"So Shepherd's an animal, huh?" Cristina grinned while taking to cleanse the wound. Meredith continued to lie with her head propped on one hand, her face impassive.

"And you and your hubby's sex tape library…" went on Cristina lightly, "is it for private use, rent or youtube?"

"What?!" she scoffed wriggling around just as the door opened violently, both Izzie Stevens and Alex Karev staring at her battered derriere.

"Oh, wow!"

"Hot cross burns!" nodded Alex approvingly.

"Can you just get out of here?" huffed Meredith.

"Is this a sex injury?"

"Oh, my God. That's gonna blister."

"Shepherd's one lucky bastard," whistled Karev.

"Shepherd's what?" Derek himself appeared in the door that was left ajar by the newcomers. His eyes almost popped out of his skull as they stopped on Meredith sprawled on the exam table, Karev, Meredith's bare butt and again Karev…

"What the hell is going on in here?" he demanded furiously and rounded at the younger man. "And what the hell are you looking at? That's my wife you're leering at!"

Meredith slapped herself on the forehead. Great, Derek was getting back into the possessive caveman mode. Her ass was going to be in shreds by the evening.

"Easy, man," Alex eyed him warily. "We're just… consulting…"

"Yeah, Derek, and we've consulted and… are going out," added hastily Izzie pushing her boyfriend out.

"I ever catch you looking at her below her waist, there'll be a similar cross on your forehead!" threw after him Derek.

Meanwhile, Cristina who was standing at the other side of the table was laughing so hard, tears started to run down her cheeks.

"Please, don't cry on my ass," said Meredith.

"Out, Yang, out!" barked Derek and she walked out laughing her head off. "Why is half the hospital staring at your naked ass?"

"You were nowhere to be found when I was looking for you five minutes ago," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Besides, my ass is not naked. I'm wearing a thong."

"Oh please, Mer," snorted Derek as he resumed Cristina's place and work. "A thong is not supposed to cover anything, it's supposed to make horny males want to uncover everything."

"God, I married a chauvinist!" she ranted. "Get down to work, I'm paying you over two million for something, am I not?"

"I'm..." Derek cleared his throat while dressing his wife's injury, "I'm sorry for that… Does it hurt much?"

"Whatever," she shrugged. "It was worth two mind-blowing orgasms."

"Still, I'm sorry," he sighed. "And I'm exceedingly proud. As Richard put it, you and your mother were a spectacle to watch."

A genuine smile graced her lips. "I had brief conversation with Dr. Wyatt in the elevator. Apparently… I'm whole and healed."

"Dr. Wyatt said that?" breathed out Derek.

"It was kinda breaking point or something… I'm still welcome when I need to talk but… regular sessions don't seem necessary…"

"That's great news." He briefly squeezed her hand before finishing with her dressing. "There you go."

She sat up flinching a little. "It looks like I might need that massage of yours," she joked knowing Derek would feel bad about hurting her.

"It looks like it will have to wait," he answered seriously stepping between her legs and cupping her face delicately in his hands.

"Oh, come on," she chuckled playing with the tie on his scrub pants. "You can still have sex with a burn on your ass."

He laughed lightly and pressed a kiss to her nose.

"You know, my lucky scrub cap may have a story after all," she sighed as he helped her jump off the table.

"Told you every scrub cap has a story," he grinned. "Care to tell me?"

"When we're home," she promised. "I feel like a dinner by the lake."

"Dinner by the lake it is," he smiled putting an arm around her as they walked out.

"And…" she bit her lip, "we need to go through our library."

"What library?"

"Well, we're rumored to have an extensive sex tape collection," she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

"What?" he gasped, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"You heard me, Mr. Porn Star," she sing sang and they both laughed heartily.

"My shift is over," said Derek shaking his head.

"Let's go home," she proposed nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

"Yeah, and I think we should finally unpack that recorder we got from Kim and her husband for our wedding," he said innocently.

She giggled mischievously as the thoughts of both of them drifted already to their land and another wonderful evening they were going to spend celebrating their love.

* * *

**A/N This was truly the last chapter. I think every story has a certain longevity and this one reached its end, the point where I wanted MerDer to be. I don't want to drag it on or be repetitive. **

**I'd like to thank you for your ongoing interest and tell you y****our comments still make my day!**

**The epilogue to follow.**

**Thank you,**

**Em :)**


	55. Epilogue

**A/N So, this is it, the epilogue. I'd like to thank all of you for reading and leaving your comments, they truly helped me make this story more entertaining. I'm a bit sad to let it go as it was such a fun to write and I feel it evolved so much since the first chapter. **

**Enjoy…**

* * *

Derek's laughter drowned in the sea of general hilarity as Addison just shared with her coworkers yet another hilarious story of the honeymoon she and Mark spent in Hawaii. The tale was truly funny and it involved Mark making a proper fool of himself. However, Derek wouldn't be half as amused or laugh as wholeheartedly as he did if there wasn't something else in his life that made the world look brighter. It was still a secret to everyone, even to Meredith apparently.

Not that Derek had anything to complain about so far. Life was pretty damn good. He and Meredith had recently celebrated the third anniversary of their marriage. They lived in their secluded love nest. The year following their wedding, he was awarded Harper Avery, just like Meredith predicted, while Seattle Grace climbed to the first place in the rankings. Hopkins beat them the subsequent year but everything on heaven and earth indicated they would be reinstated to the throne this year. Meredith's relationship with her mother improved considerably. Mind you, it had to at least for the sake of Seattle Gracers as Ellis popped in from time to time to give consults.

Yet in spite of the general satisfaction with his existence, something happened that made Derek even more happy. Of course, his life would be in temporary peril when Meredith got to know about this. Funny, how she still didn't realize anything. She was in denial in its purest form. He would regard her as a perfect case study if she wasn't his wife. It was bordering on comical how she overlooked all the symptoms; he picked them up so easily. Certainly, Mer would have to face the facts and soon. It wouldn't be long before everything started to be screamingly obvious.

"You alright, Shep?" Mark asked him over the heads of a little gathering curious of the honeymoon photos.

"Never better," laughed Derek.

"You know, you should better clear up," a nurse that just reached them announced out of breath. "Dr. Grey is coming."

"Oh, good," smiled Addie. "I have a gift for her from Hawaii."

"No, you don't understand," the nurse shook her head. "She's angry, like really angry."

* * *

Meredith was sure she was reading the same line for the tenth time. She needed to go through the report but she was so tired, almost drained. Quite inexplicably so, as she slept ten hours straight after Derek tucked her into bed yesterday evening. Funny man, she only yawned once and he insisted on carrying her up to their bedroom and pampering her until she fell asleep.

She leaned back in her chair deciding to make a small break in her work. There were just too many things that she found irksome and distracting. The coffee didn't work or, to tell the truth, it didn't have an opportunity to work. As of late, the black liquid that kept her going and going made her nauseous. She had to investigate how they made coffee in this place, they could be using some outdated stuff. And good lord, she was getting fat. How else could she explain the fact that her blouses didn't really fit anymore?

Thank God, Addie was coming back today, she would have someone to rant to. Derek took everything she was saying with a lenient smile that made her want to smack him over the head. At least at work everything was running smoothly, even with the leading plastic surgeon and ob/gyn being on leave. Meredith's mind came to a sudden halt and then on overdrive as the word ob/gyn crossed her mind. It was like a lamp had been lit.

"No…" she whispered out of breath. "Or… yes?" she cautiously passed her hand over her very smooth stomach. Was it possible? Well, of course it was possible with her and Derek's abundant sexual life. But she was on the pill! Only… she wasn't exactly conscientious during their romantic escapade to celebrate their anniversary...

* * *

The nurse barely closed her mouth when unmistakable energetic footsteps sounded across the hall.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!"

"She's royally pissed," whistled Mark. "What did you do?"

"I…" he grinned sheepishly.

"I'd watch out for the boys if I were you," muttered Mark backing away a little as Meredith made her way to stand in front of Derek, her angry flushed face confirming his suspicions as to the cause of her outburst.

"Do you know what this is?" she hissed lifting one of her hands so he could see what she was holding, he and everyone else in the vicinity.

"Uhm… a pregnancy test?" he answered trying to play cool whereas his excitement was going through the roof.

"No, it's not a pregnancy test, it's _my_ pregnancy test!" she yelled not paying attention to the fact that people around them were listening avidly to every word. "You impregnated me, you idiot!"

Derek smiled wildly despite his efforts not to and raised his eyebrows in feigned surprise. "Oh, really?"

"Oh, really"? That's all you've got to say?" she scowled at him. "And why the hell are you looking so damn pleased with yourself?"

"I'm… sorry?" he grinned again.

"You will be," nodded Meredith storming past him, menace in her stormy eyes. "I'll make sure of that."

"Great, Shep," Mark patted him on the shoulder. "Thanks to you, now we'll have to deal with her hormonal version."

"Mark," berated him Addie, smiling for her best friend.

"Okay fine," he smirked. "Derek is in for the biggest torture anyway. Are congratulations in order?"

"I believe they are," chuckled Derek.

* * *

Derek decided that an hour would be enough for Meredith to calm down after the shock of finding out they were going to become parents. He was anxious to talk to her and start preparations to greet their child in this world. True, the pregnancy wasn't really planned but they always knew they would have a child "one day". Now it became reality. He picked up her favorites from the cafeteria and presented himself at her office.

"Is she in?" he asked Patricia who was sorting through the mail with a stoical expression on her face.

"Yes, receiving no calls or visitors. You're entering at your own risk."

"Yeah, I know," he laughed.

"Congratulations," added the secretary, "and good luck."

He sighed, knocked on her door lightly and getting no answer pushed it open just a little to stick his hand inside and wave a Kleenex.

"I come with peace, Mer," he joked but instead of hearing a riposte, he made out a muffled sob. He quickly came in to see his wife in tears behind her desk.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" he asked hurriedly, crouching beside her and taking her wet face in his hands. He could count on the fingers of one hand the times he saw her crying.

"I'm pregnant," she hiccoughed.

"Isn't it great?" he asked encouragingly, his thumbs brushing off the dampness of her cheeks.

"Yeah, but how am I gonna do this?" she gasped waving her hand around her office. "And I'm gonna suck at being a mom."

"You're not gonna suck," Derek stated firmly. "The fact that you're already worried by this proves you're going to be a wonderful loving mom."

"But my work…"

"You're going to make it," he assured taking her hands in his. "We're gonna make it, we'll find the balance."

"But-"

"We will," he stopped her planting a quick kiss on her mouth. "I love you."

"I love you too," she sighed her hands returning to her stomach self-consciously. He smiled letting his own fingers stray briefly where he knew his son or daughter was growing.

"I brought you something from downstairs, you need to eat."

"Derek," she spoke up as he turned to put the container out of the bag.

"Hmm?"

"I would quit," she stated firmly pointing her head at the plate indicating her position. "I would quit for the baby. Even if I love what I do-"

"I know," smiled Derek. "But there's no reason for you to quit."

"I will love this baby, I promise," she looked up at him ardently. "I already do. He will be happy and loved, or she…" Meredith breathed out biting on her lip. "But not weak…"

His heart fluttered as he saw in his mind's eye a little girl with honey blond hair pouting her rosy lips. "Mer, I can tell you already that this child will be a force to be reckoned with."

* * *

**A/N I don't plan on a sequel right now but I'm not completely ruling it out. I just feel their story was told. I'll be currently concentrated on updating two of my fics that were on hiatus and I'm starting a completely new one sometime next week.**

**Thank you once more for being so encouraging and amazing,**

**Em :)**


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